January 13th, Sunday, 1998.

Dear Diary,

$%# !

You have GOT to be kidding me!

Is this funny, God? Are you laughing? LAUGH IT UP, FAT BOY!

Wait, will he smite me now?

I never meant any of it!

Sigh. I'm sure you can see I'm not handling today's latest disaster.

Honestly, after such a wonderfully normal weekend, I felt relaxed. That had to be it, we were back in business! The Ashley weekly sleepover WAS held, we gossiped and hung out and set unreachable fashion standards, AS EVER!

When Monday rolled around, I didn't even feel annoyed that school was back!

…Okay, fine, maybe a little bit. A lady NEEDS her beauty sleep, after all (not that I'm not beautiful, just, no such thing as too much!).

But for the most part, as I walked to school today, I was as light as a bird!

Even the one thing I was, like, slightly worried about (passing by Gretchen and her friends in the hall) went off moi parfaite! (most perfect!)

We just nodded at each other, while my friends tried to bite their tongues about the others (they don't do themselves favors, to be honest. New kid, what the HECK are you wearing? You'd think a pair of Khaki's made love to a pocket protector!).

And that was it!

At first…

Then I learned that Ms. Grotke was an unfeeling, ice cold #$ % and that the most racially targeted group are pretty people! And now I have to…

(Deep cleansing breath). But I digress. Allow me to explain the whole situation from the start…

Gretchen had been reeling from the announcement as well, and not just because she had fallen from her chair. Walking out of class, it was like she was in a trance. One could have mistaken her for a zombie.

'Maybe I am. Maybe this is all a brain starved hallucination, as I slowly succumb to hunger.', she wondered, rushing to her locker. Placing the combination (first 100 digits of PI, she had asked for it custom made), she stared into its built-in mirror.

'Same skin color. Teeth white as ever. No eyeball color corruption.', Gretchen analyzed, desperately searching for any clues of her impending transformation into a mindless meandering monster.

Anything but for this to be true.

'Um, Gretch? You feelin' all right?'

Gretchen turned around. Her friends all surrounded her locker, looking quite concerned.

'Yeah, you just bailed the moment the bell rang. Not very Gretchen of you.', Vince pointed out, motioning back to the class.

'Also you fell off your desk. I'm the one who does that!', Gus added, trying to see if Gretchen had been hurt.

'Oh, and you STILL haven't explained to us about you and Ashley A! Why did you go to the museum with her?!', Spinelli asked impatiently, crossing her arms and eyeing the tall genius suspiciously. 'Ashley's NEVER spell good news!'

'But of course. They're missing the G, double O, D, N, and W!', Mikey joked, trying to make light of the situation, but one could see him nervously gaze at Gretchen, clearly perturbed by the whole situation.

'Guys, guys, please, let's not jump to conclusions. Everything is absolutely fine and I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this.', Gretchen reassured, lowering the flames of her friend's curiosity by a tad.

'But first of all, T.J., could you place your head near me, please?', the scientist requested calmly. T.J., shrugging, did as he was asked.

Gretchen lowered her head and took a comically large sniff. Turning away from the disturbed gang, she paced a little, then nodded resolutely. 'Nope, not appealing in the slightest! I can safely rule out "Being a Zombie"! Great news, guys, I'm okay!', she happily informed the others.

The rest of the kids all looked at each other, wordlessly agreeing. Resuming their gaze on Gretchen, they all nodded. 'Okay, I'm taking her to the school nurse.', Spinelli announced, grasping the spectacled girl's hand and pulling her away. Vince, grabbing the other, smirked. 'Race ya!'

'WAIT!', Gretchen shouted out, startling the gang, who all froze in anticipation of what she had to say.

Wringing her hands, biting her lip, tapping her foot, Gretchen looked like a nervous wreck. She wasn't sure WHAT to say. Telling the truth seemed the right path, but they weren't exactly at a private place right now, what with all the kids staring at them now in the hallway. She needed them to wait for Recess, or at least to go somewhere more private. 'Look… I have a PERFECTLY REASONABLE explanation, I just need you to wait a little bit more…'

'Gretchen, you've been teasing us with this PERFECTLY REASONABLE explanation for days! Why not just explain what the whomps is going on?!', Spinelli demanded, looking frustrated, huffing like a bull.

'Yeah, you all know I have my sources, and I got no clue what's up with Grundler!', Randall revealed, popping up next to Spinelli, who grabbed him by the throat. 'I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT'S DOWN, IN A LITTLE PLACE CALLED H-E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS!'

Once Randall made a break for it, the gang resumed their interrogation of a more and more agitated Gretchen, running out of excuses and ideas. 'Yeah, Gretch. Ever since the Great Purple Day Breakup, you've been, well, bizarre!', Vince added, scrunching up his face as he considered the sentence.

'Vince might be onto something. We had no idea where you were that recess.', T.J. acknowledged, scratching his chin.

'That whole day, actually! She was gone after school, her parents said something about "the mall"?', Gus piped up, and the rest of the kids all nodded, remembering that too.

'And then on Friday, you said it had something to do with going with Ashley A to that museum you wanted to go to! What force could possibly possess you to do that, and what on earth did that have to do with the Ashley's not bothering us anymore?', Mikey asked, trying to signal Gretchen if it was anything private.

The kids stepped closer and closer, making Gretchen back into a locker, conveniently (or in Gretchen's case, how very unconveniently) Ashley A's locker. The pink fuzz surrounding it should have been comforting, but almost made Gretchen jump up in fright.

'And just a sec… Didn't Gretchen fall from her chair and act all weird once she got paired up with… Ashley A?', Spinelli figured out, causing everyone's confused sounds to become louder.

'Are the Ashley's messing with you? Using you? Oh, we'll show them what for!', T.J. said, furious at the idea that one of his friends was once again being used by the mean girls. 'Mikey, I'm afraid to say we might need to induce "Code Mystery Meat".'

'Such waste of food! It wounds me! Oh, but I'd rather bleed from every pore than live unscathed in a world where our dear friend Gretchen is under sinister control!', Mikey poetically lamented, shaking his fist.

'Actually, today is vegetarian day.', Vince informed.

'Oh. Great! Fire away, T.J!', Mikey cooled down, losing all conflict in the matter.

'There's no need for such drastic action!', Gretchen remarked, looking back and forth. Coast seemed clear. Maybe if she said it quickly enough, the anxiety would stop and she wouldn't ruin her deal with Ashley A.

Starting to explain, she opened her mouth. 'See, it's because Ash…'

'GRETCHEN, HI, HELLO!'

Gretchen fearfully tilted her head towards the voice she knew before she even saw.

Yeah, it was Ashley, and oh boy, complete with crazed look in her eyes! Was that a twitch? What won't they do to make this situation worse for her!

Ashley's right behind her, you say? Well, that just comes without saying! Let's hope she can do this quietly and somehow manage not to make things even more convoluted…

'LOVELY TO SEE YOU, PROJECT PARTNER! YES, THAT'S WHY I'M TALKING TO YOU! BECAUSE YOU'RE MY PROJECT PARTNER! NOT FOR ANY HIDDEN REASON THAT WAS ORIGINALLY MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL BUT IS NOW ONLY BENEFICIAL TO MY MUTUAL DECLINE AS A LIVING BREATHING ORGANISM! WOW, LOTS OF BIG WORDS, I ACCIDENTALLY READ A DICTIONARY AND NOTHING ELSE, I DEFINITELY DIDN'T GO TO A MUSEUM, HOW COULD I, I'M ALLERGIC, ACHOO, OH, WOW, I MUST BE COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING, WHY DON'T YOU ACCOMPANY ME TO THE SCHOOL NURSE AND DEFINITELY NOT THE SUPPLY CLOSET NEXT TO IT?', Ashley A ranted, lucky that the other Ashley's heard none of it. Gretchen gaped at Ashley A, trying to regain her composure. 'I… Well, I just need one minute to say something in confidence to my friends here…'

'WHAT'S THAT?!', Ashley screamed, pointing at the floor. Everyone looked down, including Gretchen. Grabbing her, Ashley escaped with the girl into the closet.

'I don't think there's, like, anything there.', Ashley T quietly said.

'Maybe. But she sounded so convincing.', Gus protested, looking closer.

'Like, true. I've heard her scream, it was just like that.', Ashley B agreed, going down to the floor to look at it.

'Plus, it's the oldest trick in the book! Ashley A might be dumb, but not THAT dumb! She's a highly manipulative little stain!', Spinelli commented, also going down to the floor.

'I CAN FIND IT BETTER!', Ashley Q shouted, smacking onto the floor. Woozy, she muttered out 'So many beautiful stars, and I only have two hands…'

'We should ask Ashley A and Gretchen for a clue once they come back from the nurse or closet or whatever.', Vince said, transfixed.

Mikey stared at all of them, then at the floor.

There was nothing there.

Looking at the 4th wall, he shrugged. 'When in Rome…', he decided, staring at the floor too.

'Okay, I think we're safe!', Ashley announced at last, smushed right up to Gretchen, their noses touching, Ashley having to almost sit in Gretchen's lap because of their size difference. The musty and crowded supply closet, dark and dusty and full of precariously laid tools, offered no small deal of discomfort, and Gretchen had to do a lot to stop herself from sneezing, lest she wanted Ashley to suffer a heart attack or sue her or both.

But she wouldn't stop herself from criticizing her (apparently) new project partner.

'Oh, yes. Safe. After you made me look like a blathering fool to my friends, if not a disingenuous liar, blatantly tricked an entire hallway of kids, reacted so suspiciously that if there was a video game about being suspicious they would probably call you, idk, an imposter, and vote you out for being "sus" (street name shortenings being trendy), oh, and, what else, shoved me into an uncomfortable closet. Yes. Safe. That is the PERFECT moniker for this situation you have guided us too, Ashley.', Gretchen expressed, sounding more and more sour with every second syllable of breath she spent in there.

'Oh, yay! I was hoping you'd agree! NOT that I care that much about what you think, but you know, the thought still counts, so thank you!', Ashley said genuinely, pushing closer to Gretchen which made their noses really touch now, lapping up the compliment, desperate for any distraction from the dizzying disaster she had been dropped into.

'...You know, for someone so sarcastic, you're really bad at noticing it in others.', Gretchen (who was blushing, much to her great annoyance) sassed, raising a very unamused eyebrow and sighing profusely, accidentally blowing Ashley's hair every which way.

'Hey, that took me two hours!', Ashley whined, fixing it back.

'Which is the amount of time we'll spend in detention if we're late for class, which we will be any minute now, so how about letting me go…', Gretchen started, trying to push out, but Ashley pushed back, struggling to from lack of, well, any sort of physical strength.

Gretchen, however, was also noodle armed, so she was kept still, sort of. 'PLEASE let me go!', Gretchen asked "nicely", trying to repress her desire to color her language a little.

'No!', Ashley shouted out, panicking. She looked around with wild eyes, fearful of any prying ears and eyes. 'Gretchen, I don't think you get the gravity of this situation!'

'I wanna be angry, but I am quite happy that you remember stuff from yesterday, to be frank.', Gretchen commented, loosening a bit. 'But I'm sorry to inform you, I do. We got paired up, which has got my friends suspicious. If you'd just give me a solitary minute alone with them, I'm sure I can explain to them…'

'Are you CRAZY?!', Ashley shouted, before restraining herself. Taking a deep breath, she explained (while twitching) 'Gretchen, if you tell them, they'll tell everyone, and then the Ashley's will know I was spending time with you and breaking the rule!'

Gretchen scoffed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. 'Here you go, judging my friends again! They wouldn't do that!'

'Spinelli.', Ashley countered, cocking her eyebrow and crossing her arms.

'...Okay, maybe, but once I told them that that would hurt you…', Gretchen started.

'Spinelli.', Ashley countered a second time.

'...Yeah, no, I can't argue with that logic.', Gretchen nodded with pursed lips, granting the point.

'See, I know what I'm doing, Gretchen. You'd do well to learn that.', Ashley bragged, smugly staring at her companion, enjoying the chance for a little more praise from the genius.

'Well, Plan B, why not just ASK Ms. Grotke to switch us?', Gretchen ventured, raising a finger.

Ashley weakly laughed, feeling less confident. 'Oh, um… Yeah, about that…'

'Prettyyyyyyy pleassssssse?', Ashley flashed her brightest and shiniest smile at the teacher, who was busy grading papers.

'That's some VERY impressive dental hygiene, Ashley.', Ms. Grotke complimented, half genuinely, half knowingly.

'I'm just saying, it wouldn't be the WORST idea to just match everyone up again! You know, really teach us how random life can be, or some junk!', Ashley attempted, as Ms. Grotke rose up to dust some erasers.

'I'd say it was quite random enough.', Grotke countered, taking her apple and carefully slicing it in half.

'...Perhaps I can… Convince you.', Ashley sneakily rose up, head just about peeping from below the desk. Whistling, she straightened a crisp 20 dollar bill and placed it next to Ms. Grotke.

'Bribery. An original pink slip reasoning, I must admit.', Grotke threatened jokingly.

'...Perhaps I can sweeten the pot.', Ashley suggested, adding an extra 20.

'Nope.'

'...Perhaps I can sweeten the pot.', Ashley tried, spraying the money with Hugo Boss Hugo Woman Eau De Parfum.

'Zilch.'

'...PERHAPS I CAN SWEETEN THE POT.', Ashley declared loudly, clapping twice.

Smashing through a wall, a 6'6 man, chiseled like a greek Adonis, draped in olive oil, with a jaw that could cut through glass and eyes as steely as a reinforcement beam, smoldering both in his stare and looks, flexed his 12 pack, pectorals moving like a seven veiled belly dancer, and with his gelled jet black hair shaking, he uttered "...Mommy…'

Without batting an eyelid, Ms. Grotke gave Ashley A the other half of the apple and exited through the door. 'Projects due by the end of the week.'

Ashley sighed, munching away at her apple while the man looked at her, saddened. 'One day I'll find a use for you, Maximus. One day…'

'So, in short, she wouldn't listen to reason.', Ashley grumbled, showing Gretchen the money she used for a bribe.

Gretchen investigated it carefully. '...Isn't that just monopoly money with your face drawn on it?'

Indeed, it was, Ashley's flirty grin and wavy hair present in the picture. Ashley, posing just the same way while holding the bill next to her, vocally shrugged. 'Your point?'

Gretchen sighed, half annoyed, half almost affectionate. 'My point is, is there a plan C?'

Ashley huffed, nervously chattering her teeth. 'Kind of why I got you in here, besides shutting you up. I can't think of one yet.'

Gretchen hummed, straightening her glasses. She was doing that thinking face of hers, where her eyes kept moving back and forth, and she wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out in concentration. Ashley, super close to this now, couldn't help but find it endearing, a little warmth invading her cheeks, but she didn't pay any close attention to it.

'Well…', Gretchen finally said, matter of fact ever present in her words. 'You could just do what you always do, and sort of what I always do. You just hang out with the Ashley's and have me do all the work. Like I said, it's sort of what always happens when I get paired up in a project, so it's no big.'

This seemed like a reasonable plan, which Gretchen was sort of proud of, considering her situation and the time constraint, yet Ashley seemed adamantly opposed to it, eyes widening and temper flaring up. 'WHAT?! NO! THAT'S A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE IDEA! SCANDALOUS, AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!', Ashley prodded Gretchen in the chest, scandalized, to use an appropriate phrase.

'Why?', Gretchen protested, prodding Ashley in the chest. 'It's the most logical and fitting solution! You and I stray in our familiar patterns, the Ashley's don't feel like you're betraying them (though I must say, what kind of friends are they if you are always at risk of losing them), and my friends can learn the truth once it all blows over!'. Gretchen grunted, getting angry over this whole thing. 'Oh, this is ridiculous! Why are you so desperate to get back with these… These brainless and petty girls?!'

Ashley stammered, losing her composure and struggling to express herself. 'It's complicated, okay?! And maybe they are a little harsh! So am I! I would probably be that judgemental! I just… I can't lose them, Gretchen, okay?! I can't! Imagine if you lost your friends for good.'

Gretchen turned away a little, hiding a tear. 'I have.'

The two girls looked at each other, and silently nodded in understanding.

'Okay. Okay, fine, I will help you with this again. Not like I have much of a choice. But again, I have to ask: Why not just do what I said? It's not like it's hard for either of us.', Gretchen proposed once more, honestly confused as to the conflict.

'You make me sound so heartless.', Ashley protested, hands on her hips. 'I mean, I can be, but it's always VERY powerful and awe inspiring and deserved.'

'You did it to Gus, the poor kid had to be carried to class he was so exhausted.', Gretchen reminded her, unamused.

'Oh yeah. Heh, that was sooooo funny!', Ashley laughed meanly, before shrinking under Gretchen's dissatisfied stare.

Ashley looked away, which was a little hard thanks to the closet. She tried to understand it herself. 'I… I don't know, okay? It just doesn't feel right this time.'

'But it would be easier!', Gretchen remarked. 'Heck, I wouldn't mind it! Honest!'

'WELL I WOULD, OKAY?! I DON'T WANNA TREAT YOU LIKE THAT, I LI…', Ashley started, before stopping herself. 'I… I respect you, remember?'

Gretchen saw Ashley's uncomfortable, confused, and sad face, and nodded, a trifle touched. It was nice to know that Ashley seemed to develop some level of empathy, for her if not for anyone else. Made Gretchen feel special. 'Odd gesture as it is, I'm flattered. And yes, I respect you too.'

Sighing, she relented. 'All right. Fine. But we DO need a plan, then. Or everything we've worked for goes up in smoke!'

Speaking of which…

'ASHLEY! PLEASE COME OUT OF THAT CLOSET ALREADY!', The Ashley's voices chorused out.

'UM… JUST A MINUTE, GIRLFRIENDS!', Ashley cried out, while Gretchen face palmed at how ironic those two sentences were, especially considering the context. Whispering alarmingly, Ashley said quickly 'I promise I'll think of something! Please, just don't tell your friends anything yet, okay? Trust me… Please.', Ashley pleaded, puppy eyes begging Gretchen to believe in her… Whatever she was. Absurdly abnormal acquaintance.

'...All right. I do.', Gretchen replied, giving Ashley a curt nod.

'Thanks.', Ashley smiled gratefully, before cockily adding. 'Not that it's THAT big of a leap. After all, I DID come up with the first plan.'

'I seem to recall having quite the hand in it.', Gretchen snarkily replied, smugly smiling in return.

'Tomayto, Tomahto.', Ashley retorted, the two chuckling softly at their banter, almost wanting to say that even though it had only been 3 days, they had… Missed it.

But their sort of affectionate smiles were torn by the locker being opened violently.

'What is SHE doing there?', Ashley B asked, raising an eyebrow. Ashley Q did as well, then nudged Ashley T, who hurriedly raised hers, having been distracted by a butterfly.

'OH, SHE JUST… WANTED TO TELL ME ABOUT THE PROJECT! UGH, WHAT A LO-SER, AM I RIGHT? OF COURSE I'M RIGHT, I'M ASHLEY A, NOW LET'S GET TO OUR NEXT CLASS AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT HOW MUCH I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS PROJECT WITH GRUNDLER! BYE!', Ashley A did the L sign at Gretchen, then rushed off with her friends, carrying them pretty much, as they all headed towards their next class.

Gretchen, dusting herself off, sighed and massaged her temples. 'I can't make heads or tails of that girl.'

Quick chapter upload to make up for the delayed release of the last chapter! Next time: Ashley comes up with a plan, feat. Menlo being a simp and more denial!