Content Warning: Sexual content. You're welcome to skip to the second section if you aren't comfortable with it. I'll include a line break. There are also some mentions of victor prostitution and suicide.
Manel
"Manel, it's time to go back," Fawkes says.
"Already?" I ask.
"Look at the clock, it's midday."
"Okay."
I don't really want to leave our bed. It's safe and warm and I'm happy here. But I know I'm going to have to get up and face the world eventually.
Ever since we came to the Capitol, Fawkes has been having these mood swings where he alternates between being hyper-fixed on the games and being so overwhelmed by the games that we have to do something completely different to calm down, like get tattoos or go to the club. I think it's the only way his mind can handle what he wants it to handle. So we've been moving back and forth between the main room and our bedroom.
Last night, Fawkes was fixated on the games until someone started screaming and we just knew they were being tortured by Tsarina, so I decided to take Fawkes to our bedroom before we could even find out who Tsarina's victim was.
This morning, we've just been in bed. We slept in. We had breakfast in bed. Then I decided the time was right. I'd been feeling more and more confident ever since I got my tattoo. Fawkes was feeling relaxed and he hadn't talked about the Hunger Games all morning. I'd been waiting for a moment like this, a moment when Fawkes didn't need comforting or distracting. A moment when we had no other reason to do this other than the fact that we both wanted to.
I asked Fawkes if he wanted to have sex.
He said yes.
Then we had our first time together.
Once we'd finished, we just lay in bed for a while, amazed at what we'd just done. It felt like a miracle. I'd always known that having sex with Fawkes would be better than all the times I'd been bought by Capitolites. I knew that nobody could compare to the love of my life, especially not the people who spent six years using and exploiting me. But I'd had no idea how much better it'd feel.
Fawkes let me undress him. I had his body laid out on the bed before me like a map of the constellations, a new world for me to explore. He was so beautiful, I felt giddy and breathless. I couldn't believe I'd made it this far. My boyfriend lay there, looking up at me with so much love and trust in his eyes. That was when I realised he was waiting for me to tell him what to do, to ask him to touch me. He was giving me the freedom to do this the way I wanted to.
When I let him put his hands on me, they were hesitant and careful. They were softer and gentler than starlight.
I never realised how close you could be to someone while having sex. Sure, I was physically close to my abusers when they bought me for the night but there was always this distance between us. It was always so cold, what they did to my body, the way they forced their orders on me and kept me silent. But Fawkes and I were intertwined, in mind, body and soul. I could tell the entire time he was trying to read my mind, sense the best way to give me happiness. We whispered to each other, told each other when something felt good. It felt like we were making our own bit of magic together.
Now Fawkes smiles at me across the pillows. The light still hasn't left his eyes. I remember the way he'd looked at me when we were finished, when it was just sinking in what we'd done. He'd been looking at me and smiling.
"What are you so happy about?" I'd asked, smiling back at him.
"You have stars in your eyes," he'd replied. "They're beautiful."
"I showed you the stars," I'd said, "Now you've showed me the light."
We'd started kissing again, soft and slow.
"Do you want to shower first or should I?" Fawkes asks.
"You can go first," I say. I know he's eager to get back to work, whereas I want to stay here a little longer.
"Okay," Fawkes says. "I love you."
He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and slips out of bed. On his way to the bathroom, he turns off the radio we'd left playing. One of the last worries I had about having sex with Fawkes was that one of Snow's minions would be watching us, listening in on us and being turned on. I hated the thought of someone else secretly taking pleasure from something that was just for us. I knew it would be enough for us to use the covers to hide our bodies from the cameras but I had no idea what to do about the hidden microphones.
It was Fawkes' idea to put music on but he let me pick the station. If one of Snow's minions was listening in on us, they probably didn't hear any of our whispers, they just got an earful of country music. I hope it turned them off.
Fawkes takes a while in the bathroom. I'm not surprised. He always takes some comfort in being able to control his own appearance and I know that returning to the main room is going to be very stressful for him. Last night, once we'd escaped to our bedroom after Tsarina started torturing someone, Fawkes wrote on my skin.
GUS AND JACK TOO CLOSE
Fawkes has a theory that Hephaestion Dell'Anno is Jack Frost and Fawkes' theories are usually correct. Luka and Sotope threw every counter-argument they could think of at Fawkes yesterday and he successfully argued back for every one.
According to Fawkes, the academy selected Hephaestion even though he was a notorious rebel because they wanted Minaret to kill him. It'd make her look like such a hero, being the girl who killed Jack Frost, the hero the Capitol wanted so much. They believed they could force Hephaestion to cooperate by threatening his brother. Hephaestion's loyalty to the Capitol was probably an act. Either the academy were forcing him to pretend to be a loyalist to hide the fact that they were deliberately letting a rebel into the games or Hephaestion was smart enough to put on an act to hide his rebellion. Either way, Hephaestion was probably supposed to drop the act when he reached the final two with Minaret, gloat to her about how he was a notorious rebel all along and fooled everyone and then pretend to put up a fight. He was supposed to let her kill him to guarantee his brother's safety.
But Hephaestion killed Minaret in the bloodbath. Clearly, he's willing to sacrifice Iolaus to get what he wants.
Fawkes thinks that Hephaestion's original plan was to pretend to go along with the academy's plan right up until the part where he was supposed to let Minaret kill him. Then he was going to kill her and humiliate the Capitol. But he changed his plan when he found an even better victim than Minaret.
Guston Starkwain, a boy who was already a hero in the eyes of the Capitol. A boy who Hephaestion could get to trust him completely. A boy who Hephaestion could potentially corrupt with his rebellious ways.
Fawkes thinks that a notorious rebel who inspired a string of murders across two districts has latched onto Guston in an attempt to humiliate the Capitol. This was exactly what we didn't want to happen when Guston volunteered.
And the situation gets even worse. I know what those words Fawkes wrote on my skin mean. GUS AND JACK TOO CLOSE. Hephaestion is potentially trying to seduce Guston.
And it's working.
Fawkes emerges from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. I get out of bed, walk to the bathroom and take a shower. It feels so surreal. I used to spend hours in Capitol showers, trying to wash away the things people did to me, the horrible crawling feeling under my skin. This exact shower was always where I went to cry and piece myself back together.
But now I spend five minutes in the shower. I clean my body but my mind is finally satisfied.
Once I've showered, I wrap a towel around my waist, brush my teeth and leave the bathroom. Fawkes is already dressed. He's wearing a t-shirt and jeans, seemingly the first things he managed to dig out of his suitcase. He seems to have realised that mentors don't put too much effort into the outfits they wear in the Control Centre. He's changed his hair, though. It's pulled back into a bun.
"I like your hair," I say. I grab a fresh pair of underwear, some jeans and a plaid shirt from my suitcase.
"It was getting annoying," Fawkes says. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."
"But not desperate enough for you to let me shave your head," I say, slipping my clothes on.
I know that Fawkes is sick of having long hair. He hasn't been able to get a haircut since January because he's scared of going to the hairdresser. The only person he trusts to be close to him with a sharp object is me and I'm not a trained hairdresser, though I do have experience with shearing sheep. Fawkes won't let me cut his hair in case it ends up asymmetrical and uneven. I keep offering to shave his head - it won't be asymmetrical then and I know he'd make it look cool - but he keeps turning me down.
"I can't shave my head," Fawkes says. "What if there's an emergency and I need my hair to be perfect? I can't just magically grow it back."
"But you will be able to get a haircut?"
"Yeah, an emergency haircut."
I know Fawkes has his reasons. He's been trying to control how people saw him since the day he first stepped onto the reaping stage, slipping into all these personas to shield himself from the world. His hair must be part of that. I think he's beautiful however he wears his hair but I know I'm not one of the people he's trying to control. I'm the only person he lets see the real him. I'm the magician's assistant, the man who sees behind the curtain.
I'm the only person he feels truly safe with.
We hold hands on our way back to the main room. We both know that this is our last moment of calm before we return to the games. We want to share it with each other.
When we return to the main room, we're greeted by the sound of shouting.
"Why would you do that? I thought you were on the good side!"
"For the last time, old man! I did not send my tribute that fucking note! He's been a little shit to me since he volunteered. Why the fuck would I want to help him?"
"Then who sent him the note, the ghost of Katniss Everdeen?"
"I don't fucking know!"
Luka Starkwain and Lumas Taffeta are at the District 8 station, locked in a vicious shouting match. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Lumas has always had a short temper and he's been even more irritable than usual this year since he's stuck mentoring Mitch. Luka has always seemed calmer but I guess that must've come with age. I know he smashed one of President Snow's chairs out of rage when he was younger. He's been on-edge lately as well but for a completely different reason. He's clearly anxious about Gus and that anxiety could easily boil over into anger.
"Why is it always my fault whenever something bad happens?" Lumas asks.
"Well I know it sure as heck isn't my fault!" Luka yells.
"Really? Whose grandson is in love with a Career right now? I see that as a sign that Gus wasn't raised right."
Fawkes and I exchange glances. If Guston's feelings for Hephaestion have grown obvious enough for Lumas to notice them, it's a bad sign.
"Wasn't Ramona a Career?" Luka asks. "You know, the woman you claimed you were in love with who… uh, volunteered for the games and joined the Career alliance?"
"You don't get to talk about Ramona," Lumas snaps.
"Excuse me, gentlemen," Fawkes says, stepping in between Lumas and Luka. "I'd like to help settle this argument but I have no idea what's been going on for the last few hours. Can someone please explain it to me? Start with the tribute Tsarina killed."
Luka's face softens. I can tell he doesn't want to carry on yelling around Fawkes. "Okay, it was-"
"Hey, who says you could start?" Lumas asks.
"Do you know who came thirteenth and who killed them?" Luka asks.
"No, I don't care who came thirteenth, I just want Mitch to die already."
"How are you supposed to explain to Fawkes what happened when you don't even know what happened?"
Lumas gives a sigh of exasperation. "Fine," he grumbles.
"Okay," Luka says. "Jesse was the tribute tortured to death in the night but Tsarina didn't kill him. She didn't even torture him. Tornada tortured him - Tsarina was there, of course. Gus and Hephaestion interrupted them and Tornada asked Gus for help - Gus and Hephaestion have debated whether or not she genuinely needed help. The girls ran away. Hephaestion mercy-killed Jesse."
"Okay," Fawkes says. "Now what's this about Gus being in love with Hephaestion?"
Lumas opens his mouth to speak but Lumas shushes him.
"We'll get to your part later. Other things happened first. Anyway, in the morning, a dragon killed Valerie and Herbie and then attacked Gus' alliance. Hephaestion decided to fight it. He convinced the Sevens to run away but Gus refused to leave. They ended up underground. Hephaestion tried to get Gus to escape before they were both trapped down there but Gus refused to leave him behind. He said that he loved him and… they kissed."
"Did they kill the dragon?" Fawkes asks, shooting me a look of concern. He knows my brother was killed by a dragon mutt. Julio had wanted to commit suicide but Stallie had talked him out of jumping on the mines - she'd said that my mother and I would both be punished if he did - so he'd chosen to let a mutt kill him instead. I've always hated dragons. I think one of the reasons I had such a crush on Finnick Odair when I was a kid was that he'd killed the dragon that'd killed my brother.
"Yeah," Luka says. "But they're stuck underground and they've been kissing a lot. Gus says he'd willing to kill Hephaestion when they reach the final two but I'm not convinced. He never had anyone back in Five. And now he says he's in love with Jack Frost…"
He breaks off with a small sob. He must hate that his grandson has fallen for the boy we all think is a notorious rebel.
"Anyway," Lumas says. "Then someone sent Mitch a sponsor gift. It wasn't me. I'd completely cut the boy off. And it was a love note from Gus to Hephaestion."
"It's fake," Luka adds. "Gus never wrote anything to Hephaestion."
"So that's where we are?" Fawkes asks. "Jesse, Valerie and Herbie are all dead. Gus is in love with Hephaestion and Mitch knows."
Luka and Lumas both nod.
Surprisingly, Fawkes smiles. I know that kind of smile.
He's plotting something.
"Right, I picked the right time to come back," Fawkes says. "Let's deal with the mystery of Mitch's note first. I don't think Lumas sent Mitch the note."
"Thank you," Lumas says.
"Then who did send it?" Luka asks.
"The gamemakers," Fawkes says. "They sent Mitch the note and made it look like a sponsor gift. Why? Because they want to put pressure on Gus and Hephaestion. They don't like that those two are in a relationship so they want to split them up somehow."
"But Gus has said he's willing to kill Hephaestion in the final two," Luka says.
"There are ten people left," Fawkes says. "The final two is a long way off. The longer they spend together, the more attached Gus is going to get. Now let's figure out whether or not the note is fake. Lumas, can I use your station for a moment?"
"Okay," Lumas says.
Fawkes sits down at Lumas' station and taps at his keyboard. The footage on the screen starts to rewind.
"There's a rewind button?" Luka asks.
"Yeah," Fawkes says. "Now watch this."
He pauses on a shot of Mitch holding the letter. Then he zooms in and rotates the image until we have a perfect view of Guston's letter to Hephaestion. We all read it with growing horror.
Hephaestion,
Meet me on the roof tonight at 11:00. I'm worried about you. Your allies don't value you like I do. I'm scared they'll hurt you. I can protect you if you leave them and join my alliance. I want us to be the final two. I would take you to the very end. I don't think any of the other Careers would do that.
Yours faithfully,
Gus xoxo
"He left kisses?" Luka asks.
"This note could be fake, remember?" Fawkes says. "Let's ask Tarquin."
"Tarquin?" Luka asks.
"Aren't he and Gus are pen pals? He probably reads Gus' handwriting on a regular basis. He'll know if this is real or fake."
Luka goes to fetch Tarquin from the District 2 station. When he comes back, Tarquin is with him. Tarquin rests a hand on his chin like a detective from a movie and studies the note with careful eyes.
"It's fake," Tarquin says. "That's not Gus' handwriting."
"Thank you, Tarquin," Fawkes says. "You can go back to your station now."
The man from Two leaves. Once he's out of earshot, Fawkes speaks up.
"So… can we all agree he just lied to our faces?"
"What?" Luka asks.
"Tarquin lied," Fawkes says. "He was touching his face too much, hiding his mouth with his hand. I could see it in his eyes as well. Now we know two things - we definitely can't trust Tarquin because he's lied to us twice and Gus definitely wrote that note. It probably happened at some point before the games began."
"No," Luka says. "If he did it before the games, I would've noticed. I would've stopped him, given him a talk. I should've… There are so many nice boys in Panem. Gus can do so much better than… him."
"I know," Fawkes says, gently. "He will do better. We're going to get him out of the arena. Hold on a second."
He returns to tapping at the keyboard.
"Why would Tarquin lie to us twice?" Luka asks. "He said he was Gus' friend."
"I don't know," I say. "I worked with him during the Quell."
"Really?" Fawkes asks. He looks over his shoulder at me. "Tell me about it."
"Tarquin invited me and Liza to a strategy meeting while you were in training since our tributes were all allies. I figured I'd go to get out of being sold to anyone that day. Maybe I'd even pass some information on to you. I never got the chance. Every time I got the chance to see you before the games, Asteraceae was also there. Apart from the last night but I had… other things on my mind. They didn't talk about you at all. All I can remember is that Tarquin was absolutely set on Jiro, Houghton and Asteraceae killing the Star-Crossed lovers."
"So he went from targeting two rebels to protecting one?" Fawkes asks. "That's odd."
He finishes typing and stands up. The screen has returned to live footage of Mitch.
"C'mon," Fawkes says. He grabs Luka's arm in one hand and takes my hand in the other. Then he pulls us both over to the District 5 station. I can see the darkness in his eyes. I haven't seen my boyfriend look so cold and ruthless since the night before the Quell. The night I told him Snow was selling my body and he promised me he'd win the Quell and set me free. I knew he'd tear this country apart if it was the only way to protect me.
Fawkes studies the screen. Guston and Hephaestion are both walking down a torchlit passageway. They're not holding hands or kissing but I can tell by the way they keep shooting nervous glances at each other that there's something between them.
"What are we going to do about them?" Luka asks.
"I'm trying to figure that out," Fawkes says. "What's our best case scenario?"
"Hephaestion dies," Luka says.
"Not quite," Fawkes says. "What if Gus figures out that Hephaestion's Jack Frost and kills him? That'd be better, right?"
Luka's face lights up. "How do we do that?"
Fawkes smiles wickedly. There's a terrifying glint in his eyes. I know he's good at this sort of thing. Scaring people, turning them against each other, breaking them down. Sometimes I love Fawkes so much I forget about this side of him. To me, he will always be the boy I found crying in an elevator four years ago, that starry-eyed and innocent dreamer. I fell in love with that boy. I've spent the last year caring for him, comforting him, drying his tears.
But when he was in the arena, Fawkes was a monster. They called him the King of Screams because he seemed to feed off the other tributes' fear. I have mixed feelings about that side of Fawkes. I do admire him a little for how ruthless he can be. I know he'd only use that ruthlessness to protect me, to protect us and the life we've built together. I have no reason to fear him but I still don't like seeing Fawkes' dark side. I know it only came out in the arena because he was scared and fighting for his life.
The fact that it's back shows that he's still scared and he's still fighting.
"We need to send Gus a sign," Fawkes says. "And we need to time it right. If Hephaestion sees it and realises that we're trying to expose him before Gus figures out what we're trying to tell him, things could end badly."
"How will we know the time is right?" Luka asks.
"I'll know," Fawkes says. "I always know."
I nod. I know he always does.
A lot of things happened this chapter. Firstly, the scene that made me change this story's rating. It's not relevant at all to Gus' story but it's an important milestone in Manel's arc from Star-Crossed so I felt I couldn't just gloss over it. I don't normally write sex scenes but this one just felt important. I've been building up to this moment for the entire second half of Star-Crossed and also the random tattoo chapter I threw into this story. I also felt like it was important to establish some of the things Fawkes did to help Manel feel more comfortable. Even though Manel has recovered enough from his trauma to actively ask for sex, that doesn't mean all his trauma has magically gone away. Fawkes is smart enough to know that and adapt to Manel's needs.
As for the Gus content, Fawkes has a theory about how Hephaestion ended up in the games and what his true motives are. It's a pretty worst case scenario theory. To make matters worse, now Mitch knows about Gus' crush on Hephaestion. How did the gamemakers get their hands on Gus' letter? On the bright side, Fawkes has a plan to turn Gus against Hephaestion. Will it succeed?