"For me it's more fun to find an unexpected moment for a character to sing when you don't expect them to."

Stephen Sondheim

Nestled within the ancient halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, there lies a dark and mysterious chamber; one that has captivated the imagination of witches and wizards for generations.

This chamber, rightfully dubbed the 'Chamber of Secrets', is a place that is surrounded in myths and legends, and does stand as a testament to Hogwarts rich - yet rather dark - history. Its origins can be traced back to the very creation of Hogwarts, the tales and lore that do surround this mysterious chamber revealing that it was Salazar Slytherin himself, one of Hogwarts very own Founders, who did build this secret room deep beneath the castle's foundations.

You see, Salazar, renowned for his affinity with Pure-Blooded Wizardry, did harbour a belief that was seen far beyond what was considered controversial - even for his time; that only those of 'Pure Blood', of whom did possess but the purest of magical lineage, did deserve to step foot into the hallowed halls of his school. And because if this divisive ideology, a rift was formed between the four Founders of Hogwarts.

The Chamber of Secrets was described to be an intricate and perilous room, meant to be kept a secret from all, yet protected until the arrival of his heir, and to do this, Salazar embedded within the chamber a fearsome creature - a Basilisk; the king of all serpents, of whom did not only possess an immense form, but also had a lethal and deadly gaze. It was this creature of the dark that Salazar Slytherin chose to protect the Chamber; a weapon for his heir to utilise and do what he had intended - purge Hogwarts of all Muggleborn students who he did believe to pose a threat to their magical world.

However the future of this Chamber took an unforeseen turn when, and upon its completion, its very own creator was banished from the halls of his own school. Instead of being put to use, fulfilling the purpose Salazar Slytherin did so intend, the Chamber of Secrets remained dormant for centuries, its existence falling away to myth and regarded as a mere legend of old; a tale that was passed down through the decades via whispers and secretive tales.

Though Salazar never intended for his chamber to be forgotten, never foresaw the possibility that it would remain dormant for centuries, and it seemed as though Fate did agree with him. On the 31st of December 1942, the Chamber of Secrets was rediscovered by Salazar Slytherin's very own heir; one Tom Marvolo Riddle, a young student of Hogwarts who would one day become the infamous Lord Voldemort. And through a diary that contained but a fraction of his soul, Riddle - much like his ancestor before him - planted his book and waited; waited for the chance it would fall into the hands of an unwilling victim and him open his ancestor's chamber once more.

And that victim?

Why, none other than Ginevra Weasley. One fiery redhead who just happened to have a rather large crush on the very Boy-Who-Lived-Just-So-Voldemort-Could-Kill... again.

The restless soul of one Tom Marvolo Riddle, however condemned it may have been, seemed to have struck gold; all but a curious little loophole that had the once impenetrable magical barries between the living and the dead - the rules that spoke of the dead unable to remain upon the Mortal Plane going up in figurative smoke as one Ginevra 'Ginny' Weasley did continue to trace such delicate letters and words onto the pages of his enchanted diary.

It was a painstaking process however, requiring an eternity's patience to build up enough strength - power - to possess the feisty witch. Though Tom had naught but time these days, and so slowly he did begin to build up a reserve of magical essence, an eerie force that even Tom himself couldn't have fathomed, before finally he had saved up enough in order to get the witch standing before the entrance of his ancestor's secret chamber.

But Fate, that pesky little thing, seemed to have other plans, as Ginny stepped - rather glass-eyed - through the Chamber's threshold and the door creaked closed behind her, all of Tom's meticulously constructed plans were unravelled in a flurry of utter absurdity - and a high-pitched, maniacal... cackle?

Fifty years had passed since his true self had secreted this part of themselves into the depths of their diary, fifty years of not knowing whether or not their plans had come into fruition, and fifty years to have begun making new plans all his own. Yet, and as Ginny Weasley did step through the only door that led into Salazar's Chamber of Secrets, Tom Riddle found all his specialty-made plans falling away as, instead of utilising the witch's life-energy to manifest his own corporeal form - thank you, Horcrux! - the overly large room before the possessed redhead begun to echo with a rather funky tune, of which was quickly accompanied by a kaleidoscope of coloured lights as a - disco ball?! - popped into existence, hanging from the ceiling.

Discordant peals of high-pitched laughter, contagious bouts of unpredictable cackling continued to resonate through the chamber, merging with the funky melody that had begun to fill the air - and the witch who was already being possessed by one very young, though utterlydark wizard, felt her very essence being effervesced with another unfamiliar power; an external consciousness that did infiltrate her thoughts and ignited the unshakable need to move.

The indisputable urge... to boogie?

And so, Tom'inny found themselves gyrating and spinning, their limbs obeying an unspoken command as the redhead begun to strut around the Chamber of Secrets; school robes having been transfigured - mysteriously - into a pair of bell-bottomed pants and sequined shirt as Tom'inny were forced to groove to the tunes of their very own disco ball.

Yet, and unbeknownst to the dancing 'duo', Fate's whims were not quite finished with them as Harry Potter, bewildered by his inexplicable arrive and looking rather wide-eyed behind his tapped spectacles - and much like a deer caught in headlights - found himself caught up in whirlwind of this surreal insanity. His glasses slid down unnoticed down his nose, his jaw all but hitting the ground as he found himself suddenly thrust into a riotous 1970's-inspired dance party.

"Well... if it isn't the great Harry Potter!" Tom'inny exclaimed as they came out of a flamboyant twirl, their voice cracking with equal parts of captivation and absurdity. And with a dramatic, flourishing bow, they beckoned the Boy-Who-Lived to join their unhinged dance. "Welcome to my grand unveiling of the Dark Disco!" they continued, an unfamiliar yet annoying recognisable lit entering their voice; one that was so high-pitched that it set Harry's teeth on edge.

Harry, however, could only blink at the spectacle before his bespectacled eyes, his mind struggling to process the cacophony of lights, sounds, and rhythms he never knew Hogwarts to possess - what with their rather Victorian Eraed lifestyles...

"D-Dark Disco?" the boy did stutter, and Tom'inny snapped their fingers, causing an explosion of multicoloured lights to envelope them; reminding Harry of the spotlights he'd once seen been used at the theatre when his Aunt had forced him to accompany her after Dudley claimed to be 'sick'.

Lucky bastard.

"Indeed!" Tom'inny did cackle, "Prepare to witness the embodiment of the ultimate Dance of Darkness!"

It seemed as though something did finally fall into place within Harry's mind, a lightbulb moment of dawning understanding that caused a wry smile to begin pulling at his lips. And he found that there was only one thing he could do - embrace the sheer unpredictability of the situation before him.

- Come on! Who wouldn't have preferred something like this over a bloody Basilisk?!-

"Well," the Boy-Who-Lived begun, his head tilting to the side as if he were thinking over his words. "If we're going to be dancing, why not make it a dance-off?" he questioned, his smile only growing. "Winner takes all?"

The gleam that appeared in Tom'inny's eyes was utterly supernatural, a mesmerising fusion of determination, glee, and disco fever.

"You're on, Potter! A dance-off it shall be. But brace yourself, for this will be the most grooviest duel of your life. You're about to witness my funky fresh moves!"

And thus, the most unconventional dance-off in wizarding history begun; one wherein the boundaries of logic were completely defied, gravity was but a mere suggestion, and the norms of the magical world all but gleefully obliterated as Tom'inny unleashed the Serpentine Shuffle; an extraordinary combination of interpretive snake-like contortions. Harry, however, countered Tom'inny's attack with an Expelliarmus Moonwalk; transforming wand movements into tasteful choreography - and did cause the shoes upon his opponent's feet to go flying through the air.

As this duel of dance reached a feverish crescendo, Harry following up his Expelliarmus Moonwalk with a rather dazzling Wand-Waving Waltz, of which Tom'inny did counter with a rather dark and dangerous move, the Death Eater Tango, the pair competing in a series of increasingly outrageous and gravity-defying routines in an attempt to outshine the other, the Chamber of Secrets underwent another wonderous transformation. Its dimensions warped, expanding into a psychedelic dance sanctuary - and the petrified students, victims of the deadly Basilisk's reflected gaze, did rouse from their slumber, awoken by the rhythmic pulsing that beat like a heart through Hogwarts.

They too joined this bizarre rhapsody, their stiff forms becoming fluid canvases for wild, yet co-ordinated movements.

Though, and deep within the Chamber of Secrets, and as the dance-off between Tom'inny and the Boy-Who-Lived became more complex and death-defying; Tom'inny adding a rather crude twist upon their Death Eater Tango and employing the rather critical, yet dance-defying move - the Cruciatus Cha-Cha, followed up with an explosive Bombarda Breakdance and threatening to clinch victory from Harry's very grasp, the disco lights begun to flicker erratically as, emerging from the very depths of the earth itself, came a procession of enchanted garden gnomes - led by the charismatic and perplexingly fashionable King Gnomey himself.

"Halt ye rambunctious reverberations!" King Gnomey did squeak with a voice that could have given Professor Flitwick a run for his money as he wielded a toothpick that could only be masquerading as a sceptre. "They be unsettling the very foundations of our wee homes! Prepare ye'selves to face the Gnomes of Ticked Off Fury!"

With a flourish of his toothpick-sceptre, King Gnomey signalled his gnome subjects, who sprang into action whilst wearing the most outrageous outfits that any wizard or witch could have imagined. Gnomes of all shapes and sizes were wearing mismatched socks as hats, neon tutus and mushroomed caps, as well as sequined top hats - as flats?

The dancefloor erupted into utter chaos as the gnomes executed perfectly synchronised routines, encircling both Harry and Tom'inny with deceptively wicked smirks. For you see, these were no ordinary gnomes. Fuelled by the utter absurdity of the situation - because the author decided, 'why not' - these miniature beings, these Gnomes of Ticked Off Fury, ruled by none other than King Gnomey himself, did unleash an onslaught of unexpected weapons as they hid their faces behind their sock hats.

Upon Tom'inny and Harry, these gnomes unleashed a flurry of feathers and infectious mirth.

Laughter was soon mingling with the funky disco beats reverberating through the Chamber, the ticklish onslaught of the gnomes creating a symphony of chaos, and Harry and Tom'inny, having been caught off guard by the utter absurdity of the gnomes assault, found themselves being drawn into the tickle war; helpless to do anything more against the relentless tickles but, well, giggle.

"Cease this at once! I am Lord - hiccup! - Voldemort!" Tom'inny's proclamation suddenly cut through the air. And King Gnomey, never one to let an opportunity pass him by, could only find a sly smile growing upon his tiny lips.

"Lord Hiccupdemort, you say?" the Gnome King did question the Dark Lord possessing Ginny with no little sarcasm - all the while he continued with his ticklish assault. "Well, Lord Hiccupdemort, I'm so sorry to inform you that your dark reign ends now!"

"Got the wings of heaven on my shoes..."

"I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose."

"This- is insane!" Harry managed to gasp out between bouts of laughter - just as a familiar voice reverberated through the chamber.

"Dobby is here to save Harry Potter and the fiery witch from the tickly gnomes!"

Dobby the House Elf appeared at the Chamber's entrance, sporting an oversized chef's hat and wielding a rubber chicken with unwavering determination. And with but a snap of his fingers, a group of Hogwarts House Elves materialised like spectres in the night, each one brandishing giant feather dusters.

"You know, it's all right, it's okay;"

"I'll live to see another day."

The Hogwarts elves swarmed the Gnomes of Ticked Off Fury - and turned the gnomes own attack against them as the elves unleashed their own ticklish wrath down upon them. And as this chaos unfolded, a presence slithered into the chamber - somehow unnoticed by all - serpentine gaze fixated on the baffling scene with confusion evident in their beady yellow eyes as socks of various sizes and patterns begun to litter the Chamber's floor, thrown from the fray from by the elves as they continued their tickle-fight with the gnomes.

"We can try to understand;"

"The New York Times' effect on man..."

The gnomes, ever-driven by their determination to win, retaliated with tickles of far greater fervour. Yet, amidst the laughing frenzy, giggles begun to turn into guffaws as the Gnomes of Ticked Off Fury succumbed to their own laughable assault, tumbling and tripping over the piles of socks and ending up accidently tickling each other.

"Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,"

"You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive."

In the midst of the uproar, the disco music wavered - and a booming voice cut through the laughter.

"Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',"

"And you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive."

Appearing from one of the many pipes that snaked their way through Hogwarts was - Gilderoy Lockhart? And he was singing a rather codswalloped rendition of-

"Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' ali-"

The wizard didn't even seem to notice the spectacle he'd stumbled upon, nor did he seem to notice the one he was making as, with an... unfortunate - and one hundred and fifty-nine percent absolutely not foreseen - disaster, Gilderoy slipped on a sock, stumbled into a gnome, and collided with the pedestal holding Tom Riddle's diary.

Amid gasps and laughter, the diary tumbled, blank pages fluttering open. Lockhart's flailing arms - a move he swears was something he'd been taught by some ancient monk from some far off place to help with keeping one's balance - struck the diary and sent ink splattering like rain from its pages. A bizarre chain of events followed as, in an almost slapstick manner, the diary crashed into King Gnomey's form as ink rained down from above. King Gnomey, blinded by the ink and thinking the rather large book (for a gnome) crashing into his side was an opponent, grasped the tome and tossed it as far as he could - and straight into the jaws of the yawning basilisk, the serpent's mouth snapping shut around the diary with a resounding 'CLICK!'

"NOOOOO!" Tom'inny did cry out as the soul of Tom Riddle shattered like the fragile illusion it was, and the Chamber fell into a stunned silence as the absurdity of the situation sunk in.

Lockhart, somehow having found himself buried under a mysteriously large sock-pile, could only emit a muffled cry of confusion. All the while Harry, Ginny, the gnomes, Hogwarts Elves, and even the basilisk could only stare at the chaos with a mix of silent disbelief and bemusement.

Well, that was until...

"Harry?" Ginny asked as she turned to the Boy-Who-Lived. "Did... did we just see the rise and fall of the Dark Disco?"

And just like that, the Dark Lord's Dark Disco, the ticklish battleground, and the treat that one Tom Marvolo Riddle's influence dissipated into the air, leaving behind an atmosphere of incredulous cackling as the Boy-Who-Lived almost died laughing at the absurdity of all that had happened.

The legend of 'Lord Hiccupdemort' would also be forever whispered amongst the Hogwarts portraits - as well as King Gnomey's Gnomes of Ticked Off Fury...