The next day came up hot and humid. The heat lingered over the city like a dome, the air so sticky that it felt hard to breathe.
In his air-conditioned office John sat behind the oversized desk with Alexandra's dossier in front of him. The folder was stunningly slim for a woman her age, a known friend of resistance leader Price, former army-member, and part of the HQ's healthcare unit.
'Flying below the radar system, she said. Fits.'
John opened it and started to read.
To his surprise, Alexandra was only 22 years old at the day of the fall. She immediately was detained in one of the camps as a "woman of loose morals", for she was unmarried with a baby in her arms and no known family.
In that cold hunger winter, when he joined to SS to save the lives of his wife and son, her daughter caught a fever which infected her lungs. Vicky died, not even a year old. Alexandra became seriously ill, too, but made it, though it was a close call.
John was shocked. He knew too well how unmarried women with children were treated in the Reich. It was a miracle to him how she stayed alive and managed to safe her sanity.
'Maybe this is the source of her raw, untamed strength, her will of steel with which she stood up against me. Someone surviving this can face everything.'
She fought her way back to life and chose the uniform again to serve as a nurse cleaning up the mess the SS usually left behind.
In her free time, she met Wyatt Price and Jeremy Johnson, both known members of the Rebel American Army, but never got caught planning or doing something illegal. They were known for drinking the whiskey Price smuggled, sometimes until one of them – usually Price - blacked out.
Alexandra left them for good shortly after Juliana stepped on the scene and John wondered if jealousy had been part of the decision for there was no partner mentioned in the records.
On duty she had been valued but hadn't made friends.
Of course, she wasn't to be trusted.
With a sigh John closed the dossier, not without looking if it was of his camps, she lost her daughter in. To his relief, it wasn't.
He stepped over to the window overlooking the city.
'They forgot to mention how clever and cunning she is. She told me exactly what's in her records, not more. As if she read them. This woman is like quicksilver. Who are you Private Taylor? What's the name of your game?'
A knock on the door reminded him of the meeting he had planned with General Whitcroft about Juliana Crain who had been in the ruins of Washington DC a few days ago.
There was not much news - the soldiers who had let her pass had been disciplined and some rumours that she and Price were reunited and building a new resistance army.
Whitcroft was trying to get proof that they were on their way to NYC.
Just when he was leaving, he read the name on the file on John's desk and raised an eyebrow.
"You want to reactivate Taylor to assist us? Does she know?"
John blinked, astonished.
"No, I just checked on her because she was mentioned in Price' files", he lied, "I didn't even know she worked for you. I thought, she is a nurse."
"She is. But additionally, she was the best spy on the black market we ever had. I took her off when the scene got radical. Last thing I heard was that she is stationed in the Poconos."
"So, she spied on her old friends then?"
"She at least used them as her camouflage. But we never got anything about them – she was like: Really, Bill, you don't shit where you eat, right? You leave my friends alone and I bring in the big game. Got it? And that was what she did, no complaints."
John eyed up his friend and frowned.
"And you allowed her to do so."
Whitcroft shrugged.
"Everybody tried to protect someone back then, John - we all were on the edge. Survivors of a complete wreckage, traumatized and lost. But still there, still breathing and still together. She agreed because it enabled her to change her actual line of action. I transferred her to the HQ, she did what she should. Period."
"May I ask you, where..."
"Honestly? You don't want to know. And besides, it's her story to tell, not mine. I was ordered to look for staff, I chose her because of her background. The rest is history."
John nodded. He wanted to find out more, but something in his friend's behaviour made him stop.
"Can she be trusted?" he asked instead.
If Whitcroft was surprised, he didn't let it show.
"In my experience, absolutely."
John closed his eyes, relieved. If anything, he trusted his friend's knowledge of human nature which had saved them often during the war.
"Thanks, Bill."
"Never mind, John."
They looked at each other with a certain sadness because both felt that so many things had to be left unspoken in this dark times.
The phone broke the silence with its piercing ring and John sighed.
"Berlin", he said, "you report to me if there are news about the resistance."
"I will."
Whitcroft saluted and left while John picked up the receiver.
Alexandra spent her unexpected day off at her room. She was sure that John would check on her as soon as he escaped the office, so she just went to the supermarket – reliably shadowed by the guards, of course – did housework and cooked. Like good little women do.
The heat was unbearable, a thunderstorm became more and more likely, so she chose some music and took a shower before it hits. When she turned off the water, she realized that the whole apartment was silent. Alexandra smirked. She was pretty aware what that meant.
'Oh wait…that's not a game you play with me', she thought.
Not bothering to dry herself she wrapped herself in a towel and went back to the main room – only to find John standing in the middle of it.
"Reichsmarschall", she said, pretending to be shocked, "Heil Himmler. Sorry, I'm not able to salute unless you want to see me naked."
She clearly got him by surprise. John tried to look everywhere except on her, yet his eyes always returned to her cleavage above the edge of the towel.
'Men are so predictable.'
Alexandra wrinkled her nose and let the towel drop a few millimetres. He blushed like a teenager.
"You know that you standing in a woman's apartment, unannounced, right? It's not that it would be the first interrogation I have to face naked, but I would prefer that you at least close your eyes long enough to let me get dressed."
He let his hand run through his hair, a gesture that she often saw when he was nervous or perplexed.
Then he lowered his gaze and obediently shut his eyes.
Alexandra grabbed a shirt dress and put in on. She did not dare to show her all-too-patriotic underwear, for she couldn't see if he really didn't look. Not that she cared about the last point, but trouble wasn't on her mind. She loved to tease but not more. So, she had to do without and simply shoved the evidence into her pocket.
She quickly closed the buttons and fixed the belt around her waist.
"Ready. What can I do for you today, Reichsmarschall?"
He looked at her with his cute half smile.
"You don't respect anything or anyone, do you?"
"Oh, I respect you, Reichsmarschall. But I have a right to be respected, too. We are in this for nearly 20 years now and there is not much we haven't seen jet, so please quit those games. If you want to know something, simply knock on my door, and ask, Sir. I'll do my best to provide an answer. You and I know that I can't hide anything anyway, at least not for long."
John nodded, went over to the table, and sat down, absent minded rubbing his throbbing temples as the long office day slowly took its toll.
"You aren't afraid of any consequences then?"
Alexandra laughed, irritating him. "What's so funny?"
"It's just that I'm afraid of almost everything, Sir. But I can't hide in my bed forever, and I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired. I have no one to care for, no one to protect, no one will miss me if I die, so basically, it's my choice alone which game to play and which to pass. The risk I take is mine alone. And if you read this", she tapped on the dossier John had placed in front of him, "you already found out that I don't have too many reasons to live forever."
"There are some…hmmm…holes in it, you know…"
"That's right." She placed herself the opposite side of the table. "I'm aware that some parts are missing and I'm pretty sure that they miss in your file, too. It's a complete denial of the early years. And why? Because they can. If it's not written, it's not true, because there's no proof. I can tell you MY truth, but I don' think that you want to hear it. I guess you know what working in the medical research under the command of Doctor Mengele means."
John clenched his fists so hard that the knuckles of his fingers went white. His headache started to kill him. Now he knew why Bill didn't tell him more.
"I do", he managed, almost choking on the words.
"The 9th circle of hell", Alexandra continued, "treachery on everything I believed in when I chose my profession. An old army comrade got me out there. Still owe him one for that."
'So, Bill is an old army comrade of yours…interesting that we haven't met…" But John remembered that his friend often went over to the medics and rumours swarmed that he had – though married – a crush on one of the nurses. 'Must have been her. Gosh Bill, she wasn't much more than a child! And if you really liked her, why didn't you protect from becoming a single mom and everything that followed?'
"I spoke to General Whitcroft this morning. You worked for him to dry off the black market. Right?"
If he surprised her, she didn't let it show.
"Yes, I did. I…" The first lighting, followed by the roar of thunder interrupted her sentence.
"Finally!" Alexandra got up, went over to the window, and peered out. "The sky is pitch black. If you want to reach home dry, you better leave now."
Although he knew that she was right, John hesitated. There were too many questions left to let her off the hook that easy. Now they were in his arena, and it was time to show it.
So, he lit a cigarette and leaned back to signalize that he had no intention of leaving any time soon, fixing her with the unnerving glare that worked in so many interrogations.
She rolled her eyes. "I go fetch some candles. Since you turned off the power here, it's getting dark. Can I offer you a drink? Beer, lemonade, wine, water and painkillers?"
'What did I expect?' John thought, trying not to show his amusement, 'even if I try to scare her to death, she will react like that. She is just as professional as I'm - never showing any weakness.'
"Painkillers and water, please", he said, rubbing his temples again, "is it that obvious?"
"90% of the office's girls know that you rub your temples and squint your eyes when you've got a headache", Alexandra answered dryly, "debate is on whether it's stress or you need glasses…"
John arched an eyebrow. "Really? Didn't realize that I have a fan club."
Alexandra shook her head and chuckled. "You have no idea, Mr. Everybody's- high-school- crush."
"You flatter me", he mocked, and she laughed, her blue eyes sparkling.
While the thunderstorm started raging and John waited for the painkillers to kick in, she lit two candles and placed them on the table before she sat down again with a glass of wine.
'A romantic interrogation date. Well, that's something new.' The thought made her giggle.
John watched her through half closed eyes. 'It happened again', he reflected, 'I should be heading home and question her tomorrow, but here I am, sitting in this worn-down apartment, feeling comfortable as if I belong here, as if I belong to her. She didn't even force it, but still…'
Alexandra helped herself to a cigarette, too and for a while they just sat there, looking at one another in silence.
Then John leaned forward, his thoughts finally concluded.
"Where do I know you from?"
"Pardon?"
"I read your file, you filled in the gaps – I have your whole life in front of me and I'm aware that we didn't meet before the day of the assault, but even back then it felt like I know you for a lifetime and more. Why? Where do I know you from?"
"Counterquestion: Why do you assume that we met before in THIS world? Or even in this time? And was it in one life? Two? A hundred?"
John starred at her, dumbfounded. Again.
Alexandra shrugged. "There are countless worlds out there, Sir, each in its own universe. In theory the worlds next to ours are the most alike, but nobody will ever know what's on the outskirts of infinity. We could be a married couple somewhere out there; we could be enemies or maybe you are under my command?! Everything is possible. And time? Time is relative, according to Einstein and as souls are supposed to be immortal, it doesn't matter anyway. "
"You are talking about reincarnation? Isn't that a little too farfetched?"
"I travelled to a different world to save a version of my daughter, who's dead body I held in my arms 6 years before. So…no, it isn't."
"You've got a point there indeed." He ran a hand through his hair, not able to hide is confusion.
"It's a lot to take in, I know. Took me only about 14 years to learn and accept – it's still mostly theory. Abendsen is into this matter the deepest, but he is not following his own logic, so there is no reliability there. Everything is mostly based on guessing, discussing, and trying not to mess up this already heavily disrupted world any further. There are no facts in this – it's living on a prayer. Like walking through a moor in thick fog with only a stab and a lantern. Carefully, but steady, trying not to get lost and drown."
"I see. There is no proof of anything you are telling me, it's based on just a guess."
"Yeah, but on the other hand: If someone told you 20 years ago, that there will be a portal to other worlds, you would have declared him crazy, right? And now you just came home from a trip a parallel universe like a visit in the neighbourhood…so maybe we should just see what's going to happen?"
"Something tells me that you know exactly the purpose of it all and why I recognize you – otherwise you wouldn't have waited for beyond the portal. And don't deny that you did."
"Maybe." Alexandra smiled. "But that you must find out yourself – you wouldn't believe me anyway. All I can tell you is last time we swore to serve and protect our country, we stuck to it 'til our last breath, sacrificing everything that could have been for a greater purpose."
"And how I'm…"
A noise from the outside startled them both. They both froze instantly, listing.
"Was that…"
"…a shot?"