Chapter 8: Oh my god a chair
"Your hairline is crappy, and your clothes disheveled. You are always shitty, no matter how you leveled. You're built like a dice cause your mother fucked some bricks. So if we want to roll, would you be a four or a six?"
"OHH!" The crowd cheered. Freya just roasted the shit out of the guy, and I could be on the chopping block at any moment. Neila had told me the first part of learning magic is to come up with Rhymes on the fly, which is why she suggested a rap battle in the first place.
These random bar patrons can insult your hair, clothes, size, lifestyle, and mother, all while meeting the requirements of a Galaxy-level spell. Even with the disadvantage of being blind, Neila decimated her opponents by utilizing her inner child. And by that, I mean insulting every part of her opponent that they were insecure about. She won about 3 matches by having the adults run out of the building crying.
I stand zero chance against anyone here.
"Alright, everyone. Who's ready for the next match!"
The crowd cheered as Freya reached into a box that held the names of the current patrons of the bar. The rules were quite simple. You would throw your name into a bin, and Freya would randomly choose 4 names, Then, she spun a wheel for even more rng. After the two were chosen, it would be a best two out of three match where the crowd decides who won based on who was roasted the hardest.
A simple set of rules. Unfortunately, I'm a jock and suck at all things music. I can only pray that I'm not chosen.
"Then let's spin that wheel!" Freya spun the wheel with all her might. Once it made around 20 loops, it slowed down enough to see the names on the board.
"Damn, my luck." I swore. On the board was me, and the three worse opponents in the bar.
Despite already going last turn Freya somehow drew her name again and was on the board. The second name was Neila, the most dangerous kid here. The key word was most, as there was another who could destroy me without a thought.
She was a child with a large sun hat who just showed up about an hour ago.
She had long white hair. The top of her head was covered, but her forelock had tufts of orange splattered about. Sort of like the patterns my Cammo uniform would have. Speaking of uniforms, The dress she wore was dirty and had various drink stains on her. If I was back home, she would be a CPS case waiting to happen.
The odd thing about her however was not the way she dressed, but the metal folding chair she carried along with her. It wasn't like a wooden chair or some kind of special magic chair that folded for easy transport. Nope, just a normal white folding chair that you might find at some pawn shop that's renting out chairs for Thanksgiving.
It was just so out of the ordinary. I've seen trains, guns, and gun trains. But this was just too modern for me. At least the guns were flintlocks, meaning it was still in the early stages of development. But it just looked so out of place. Not that it mattered anyway. Weird chair or not, she can easily rock my shit.
The wheel finally came to a stop, landing on Neila. My heart now started to race. I finally decided to pray for the first time in my life. The question of whether God exists or not is just a matter of time. So until then, I'll pray to whomever just to not fight against any of these idiots. And sure enough, it worked. The wheel stopped spinning and landed on Johnson. I was saved. Both of the girls cheered as they ran onto the stage, ready to destroy each other's self-esteem. Loli vs Loli, what are the odds?
"This is going to be so fun." Neila cheered. As expected, she tripped while climbing up the stairs. With some help some Freya, she faced her opponent and took a hard look at her. I could only assume she was using some sort of spell because normally, she wouldn't be able to see.
'Huh, what type of blindness does Neila even have? Questions for later.'
"You're Neila, right? Mother has told Father a lot about you." Johnson said in a thick southern accent.
"Yes, I am! And I have no idea what that means!" Neila declared nonchalantly.
In all honesty, I had no idea what that meant either. Being the child of some important figure would usually stir up talk among people of close or equal power. But Neila doesn't seem to know who Johnson was. Assuming Johnson was her surname because Johnson is a stupid name for a girl, that would make whoever these people are either a group of new nobles trying to get their child in good standing with the child of the captain, or some random group of commoners trying to get their child in good standing with the child of the captain. Either way, a classic medieval fantasy novel plot. One that usually ends with said group being assassins.
"Daddy drinks with Mommy a lot, so they end up talking about some fun topics. The last convo was about some girl named Clara, and how much of a derp she is."
"I don't know who Clara is, but she sounds disappointing!"
"Hehe." Johnson giggled. "You're funny." Johnson tipped her hat "Father's surname is Johnson, so call me that Kay."
"Alright, Johnson. Let's play. Head!" Neila tossed a coin into the air with both sides having a piece of tape labeling it as either heads or tails. With the coin falling to the ground, Neila picked it up and took a good hard look at it, before immediately giving it to Johnson.
"Sorry. Did it land on heads?" Neila chuckled. The whole crowd fell out of their seats as the once tense atmosphere turned wacky once again. Honestly, it's quite funny. Everyone forgets that Neila is blind because they think she's an idiot, and I honestly can't blame them. She truly is one of a kind.
Neila did in fact win her coin toss, meaning she was the first to go. As she stepped forward, Johnson's shadow stood up and turned 3d as it mimics every part of her body.
"There we go. Now.
Your clothes are grainy, so musty and stainy. A hat inside a room, are you trying to look zany? Here's a plan in life, I hope can suffice. but you need to wash your hair before you gather up some lice. To think you hold the home of all the insects and some mice, or is that just the ground, I can't really be precise."
"Ohh!" The crowd roared.
Johnson took a few seconds to think before she stepped up.
"Nice roast, but then again.
Of course there's no precision, you can't even see. You can't differentiate a bird and a bee. Yellow and black flying all free, oh I'm sorry, you don't know what I mean. You call me ditzy when you trip all the time, so who's really clumsy, you or I? No hard feeling, I say what I spy. But unlike you, I can do that just fine."
"Damn."
"Ouch, straight for the eyes. You're lethal." Neila chuckled.
"Sorry. I had nothing else."
"Well I still have plenty more. You-"
"Actually." Johnson interrupted. "With daddy gone, Mommy would want me back by six, so I have to go." Johnson grabbed her chair and hopped off the stage, much to the anger of the audience.
"Six? Holy Miguel, dinner!" Neila panicked as she ran off stage. Obviously, she bumped her head on the door on her way out.
"Well since I'm her chaperone and all, I'm gonna bounce." Immediately, I got up and ran out of the bar. I could hear Freya yelling at me from afar, saying that I was supposed to be the main event or whatever. I couldn't care less. Who knows how many arm jokes there were planning?
/~/
We arrived at Neila's house extremely late. It was a big hacienda, almost as big as the fort if I didn't take the fields into account. Oddly enough, there was indeed a wall missing. Multiple actually. Inside, near the garden, at the gate. It was all a mess.
If all of these were made in an attempt to kidnap Neila, then who the hell made them? If it was Lizen then it would make sense. On the off chance it was Neila however, then she's even scarier than I first imagined.
"Shh. If we move in quietly. They won't notice-"
"You sneaking in?"
"Us sneaking… dang it," Neila swore as she heard her father. The room was pitch black, only being illuminated by the hole in the wall. The voice startled me as well. It took me turning on the lights to realize that it was Lizen who was on the roof, pacing back and forth,
"You're 15 minutes late. You were rapping with Freya again weren't you?" Lizen interrogated as he walked down the wall. There goes another ability that makes no sense.
"Yeah."
"Did you win?"
"You know it."
"Nice." Lizen and Neila high-fived and laughed for a bit.
"You still have a cold dinner."
"I know." Neila pouted. As she walked into the kitchen.
"Also, were you expecting someone?" Lizen asked as we walked to the kitchen.
"Not that I know of. Yun said he's coming tomorrow."
"Then I have no idea who this is." Lizen opened the door to the dining room, revealing Riala and Johnson to be at the table, currently having a fun chat.
"Ehh. Johnson!?" Neila exclaimed.
"Great dusk to you Neila," Johnson replied.
There were a lot of things wrong with this scene. For one, there was another large hole in the wall that led to their living room, meaning that the fight they had took place across the entire house instead of just the entrance. The other is that they just let a random child inside the house without question, although I can probably let it slide since Neila probably has a lot of friends. But the more confusing this is that Riala was here. I've heard of a divorced couple getting along before, but this is just getting ridiculous.
I would have spent much longer pondering what the hell was going on, but Neila tugged my shirt and pulled me out of my thoughts.
"Don't think about it too hard. I can't figure out if they hate or love each other either." Neila reassured me… which wasn't reassuring at all because I had even more questions. If Neila was so used to her parent's acting like this, how long have they been acting like this?
"Oh, so you do know each other."
"Not really, we just met today. I don't know anything about her!"
"Well, she knows a lot about you. You sure you two didn't meet before today?" Riala asked.
"Nope. never seen her in ma life. I learned about her from mommy and daddy." explained.
"Oh, your parents. Well someone wants to get murdered then." Sparks of electricity flew off of Lizen. It would make sense. Two people having very detailed information about your child will certainly be unsettling to anyone. Scarily enough, I knew Lizen for long enough to know he isn't joining about murdering them.
"We're not going to kill someone. At least not yet anyway." Riala picked up Johnson. "Now little one, you mind telling us who you are and where you came from?" Riala asked in a calm yet threatening voice. Shadows were also starting to leak off her as well.
"But mommy. Don't you remember? You and Daddy made me during your drunk sessions."
…
The room went silent. Riala stopped radiating dark energy and looked extremely confused. Lizen on the other hand was generating more and more electricity as he started fuming. It had gotten so bad to the point that Neila had to protect herself from the miniature bolts of lightning shooting off from him. I could probably assume that this divorce their having is just a very aggressive split up.
"Wait wait wait wait wait. Clearly, you got the wrong person." Riala panicked.
"Nope. It was Daddy and Mommy's energy that gave me life. You attracted the little people and they all turned into little ol me."
"But I would never! I mean drunk me could never!" Riala stammered over her words in an attempt to defend herself, getting extremely red and flustered in the process. Neila had already decided to sit down and was just watching the chaos unfold with her new supposed step-sister making things worse for the doe.
Why am I at the head of every family drama? Damn my luck.
"Riala honey, my deer. Um, care to explain."
At this point, Lizen was covered in an aura of pure lightning as something that resembled translucent wings started to form on his back, albeit, they were very small. It didn't take a genius to know that this was his emotions literally exploding into a spell of some kind, but was he actually prepared to fight Riala?"
"Hold on, hold on. There's a perfect explanation for this… I just don't have it at the moment."
"Horse shit you do! You said your drinking won't affect anything in this relationship, and now you're saying you had an UNKNOWN CHILD THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW OF!"
"Okay, you keep your tone down with me Zen! I know what the fuck comes out of my body, and she wasn't one of them!"
"Then who is she Riala? You have this kid right here with exclusive and hidden knowledge about our family, and you're just saying it's a coincidence! She shares the last name after that damn farming hero you've been hanging out with, how is that not proof enough!"
"First of all ew! This guy barely takes showers and you think I would ever fuck him. Not a chance!"
This back-and-forth continued for about thirty minutes. Each side refused to back down while also bringing in irrefutable evidence on why the other was wrong. I had enough time to make an omelet for the three of us, and they were still going at it. That made me realize flipping an omeley with one hand was fucking impossible.
"Hey, guys."
"Oh thank Miguel." Neila sighed in relief.
Mihare finally arrived with Yomiko, Freya, and some other person in tow. His name was Shun, and he was a spearman who kicked my ass every time we trained together. He tried to take me drinking from time to time before the orc ambush.
He usually wore dark silver armor. But since he was off duty, he wore black pants with a red shirt. He also wore this black fedora everywhere he went, and it defied physics apparently since it never fell off no matter what we did. Just like Mihare.
"The hat physics in this place is stupid."
"Oh great, another domestic dispute." Shun sighed in defeat as he put some coins in Mihare's hand. "Alright, who started it this time?"
"Lizen thinks Riala had a drunker affair that produced an unknown child 5 years ago. She's saying she didn't. Now nothing makes sense anymore." I explained.
"Lizen has always been an overbearing husband." Mihare sighed as she returned the amount to Shun. "So this is the kid in question."
Mihare picked Johnson up and searched every side. "No wings, No black hair or red eyes. Doesn't really look like Riala… Hey kid, can you feast on the souls of your enemies?"
"I can give em a good ol wack with ma chair."
"Yeah, we can assume that this isn't Riala's kid."
"Then why is she saying she is?" I asked.
"Well, you know the concept of a mommy right? In the more degenerate way of course."
"Ew. Does she even know what that is?" Mihare cringed.
"Yeah. And the only person who calls Riala sexy is me!" Lizen added.
"Lizen, not in front of everyone please." Riala blushed.
This led to a discussion where everyone tried to discern the identity of this mysterious girl. And obviously, it went nowhere. The only people who weren't arguing were Neila who fell asleep, Johnson who fell asleep next to her, and Yomiko who was paying close attention to the girl.
"I figured it out?"
"Huh!?" Everyone reacted.
Yomiko took off Johnson's hat. I don't know how I didn't notice it before, but on the back of her hat was a patch of a chair, more specifically, the chair she always carried with her. Yomiko then put her hat back on and picked up the chair next to her.
"With the patch and this chair, then her identity is obvious." Yomiko tossed the chair out through the wall. I didn't know what she was trying to prove until Johnson suddenly disappeared, and let out a yelp.
"May a ruffish eat mah shoe. What the fuck!" Johnson shouted. It was quite a surprise hearing a swear from her. Not to mention suddenly teleporting when a chair was thrown? What the hell does any of this mean?
"Yomiko. What the hell does any of this mean?" I asked.
"It's quite simple. She's a construct." Yomiko replied as she held a raging Johnson by the head.
It was this revelation that caused everyone to facepalm. Even Neila had done the same when she woke up to see what the commotion was about.
"...You don't understand do you."
"Absolutely."
Yomiko sighed. "That would be the-"
"Say the normal reaction and I will happily hit you with this stick."
"Then stop being surprised by everything." Yomiko pouted. "Anyways, when an item has lived long enough in this world, all the magic it has gathered will end up gaining a will of its own, making a construct. You can usually identify one depending on their hat."
"Their hat?" I looked over to Shun who suddenly got mad. "I'm not a damn object, this is just fashion."
"I'll keep an eye on him." I thought as I turned back to Yomiko. "So this is supposed to be a chair? And where's your hat?" The image of paper with a purple beret popped into my mind. Somehow it made this bundle of paper even cuter than before.
"For one, I'm not a pure construct. And No, it's just it's will-given form. That is the chair she's bound to, which is why she teleported to it once it got too far." Yomiko explained.
"Ahh. So it's a Tsukumogami type thing." Also, not a pure construct? Is that the reason for her beef with Riala?
"I don't know what that is. But it sounds disappointing." Yomiko replied, dropping Johnson next to Neila. "Anyways Riala didn't cheat, so calm your ass Zen."
"But she doesn't have any object that holds sentimental value."
"But this chair. It's the one Hol uses."
"But that chair is from another world. It'll have to be here for an extended period of time for it to create a will." Lizen argued.
"And if two heroes were nearby?"
"Then it'll obviously gain an Ellyan much fas…ter. Ohhh. Okay, now it's all making sense." Lizen faced palmed once again. "I can't believe I doubted you for a second."
"It was expected. I for one am overjoyed at having a second child. I'll call her Isu."
"It's not your child. And I for refuse to take care of a kid of another dude." Lizen pouted.
"Does stepfather not like me anymore?"
"No, I didn't mean that. Sorry for upsetting you Pumpkin." Lizen immediately swapped his attitude and went into father mode, hugging the saddened Isu.
"Hmph. If you always wanted another, you could have asked." Riala sulked. At this point, these two are just trolling or are the most flirtatious divorced couple in all of existence.
"Get a room. And someone start this party already." Shun complained.
"It's not a party, just a get-together. It's been a while since we've all been in the same town."
"Oh great. Come on Isu, these parties are boring." Neila grabbed Isu and her chair and left out the wall.
"Should she be leaving by herself?"
"She'll be fine."
"Yeah. kid is probably gonna punch a monster and give it several organ failures. Scary little thing." Shun laughed. That's another move up on the don't fight ever list.
Anime has always taught me two rules. Don't fight old people, and don't fight blind people. This world just confirmed that this logic is indeed true.
"Well, I can use a break. The past few days have been hectic."
"Right. I heard you got your ass kicked by Lee. Hilarious." Shun laughed.
"Oh hardy har har. Just know I'm putting in more work in 2 weeks than you in 2 years."
"Wow, that is the most damage you've dealt to me ever. Makes you wonder who the hero truly is." Shun clapped back.
"If you want my opinion, both of you are trash. But we're not here to relax."
"Can't we wait till tomorrow? Still feeling some pain after I was kicked in the face." I complained.
"No. Despite everything that happened, the wave is in a week, someone is riling up groups of monsters in Zell, and Neila's birthday is in two months."
…
"Ahem. Sugarplum aside. We're gonna have to build you a new party."
"Specifically one that doesn't get murdered," Shun added, prompting Mihare to hit him.
"I see. I guess Shun does have a point." I never really had the time to make a new party. The second I woke it was off to another destination, and then another destination once we got to Riala.
Even if I didn't go to the sanctuary, the thought of building another party scared me a bit. I only had one support skill that could help, and I was not confident enough in my spearman ship to fight on the vanguard. I'm being carried by the natural instinct my skills give, and it's still isn't enough to win my fights.
I'm supposed to be a hero, the strongest person to exist. I can't be a burden like I was to them. I shouldn't have hesitated, I should have been the first to move. Maybe then, at least Guile and Mary could have survived.
"Riala, Yomiko, and I were dealing with this when we arrived. Riala and Ricten will be dealing with the waves over in Zell and Rinoth. That leaves us with Ken'bitch and Hatyr while Fallum uses its "superior technology" to deal with it itself.
"Kind of an ass-hole move don't you think," Shun asked.
"Who cares? If Tylia can boast about his "highly advanced technology" or whatever, he can deal with some monsters. We just need to deal with the towns across Hatyr, Foo that don't have the power to defend themselves."
"The hell is Foo?"
"The name of the country."
"So the country is called is called Foo, and the capital is Ken'bitch… fucking Miguel."
"I know." Yomiko and Shun sighed. She's probably the only one old enough to know what's up, but why is Shun complaining?
"Alright then. Who's this all-star lineup."
"Here's the list. We're not going to mess around anymore. We're going to pull out all our heavy hitters."
/~/
Omake: Tier Zoo: Neila is SSS tier
After leaving the get-together. Neila took Isu into the forest so they could have all the space to play. Fortunately, many of the monsters ended up leaving them alone. There were even some that looked them dead in the eye, then ran away in fear once they suddenly realized something. It wasn't at all what Isu had imagined. Usually, she heard most monsters would attack on sight, but everything here was acting pretty passive. That was until a manticore came in.
A monster of old designed by a powerful alchemist who ruled the forest before Riala. It towered over the two girls and let out a deafening roar that pushed the trees out of the ground. Isu was almost sent flying away if it wasn't for her holding on to Neila, the latter of whom was still picking flowers on the ground.
"Eww stinky breath. Mister Manticore, do you mind? I'm trying to make Isu a flower crown."
Roar. The manticore brought up and paw and brought it down on Neila. The attack shattered the ground with blood splattering all over the place.
The manticore yelped in pain as its paw was now broken, Neila on the other hand stood there holding its paw with her hand.
"Hey. Bad kitty." Bringing down her elbow, Neial broke the Manticore's leg. She then went over to its chest and punched it, leaving an indent of a fist within the creature as it fell to the ground.
"Monsters. So uncivilied." Neila complained as she wiped the blood off her face.
"Is beatin up critters ya hobby or somethin?"
"No that's Tuesdays. But this will make a great addition to my zoo." Neila beamed.
"A zoo?"
"Yeah. I put all the monsters I beat up in there. The ones that don't die at least."
"And what if they escape?"
"Oh they wont. They just know better."
"Scary little thing." Isu thought as Neila dragged the Manticore by it's broken leg.
/~/
Journal of Floes
Entry #2: Constructs
Get together over, and I'm tired as fuck. Who knew talking about party compositions would take a lot out of you? Party aside, that's not what this entry is about. It's about constructs.
A construct is formed when an item that is cherished by its owner gains a will of its own. Once they do, the item will then project a human form with a hat that's based on its owner. Why a hat? Who the fuck knows.
The science behind an object getting this form has to do with a miniature species of monsters called the Ellyan. After a certain amount of years, an Ellyan will latch onto an object and enter a soul bond. They essentially become the object and will awaken as the object will, and will act as its soul.
It'll then start to siphon small amounts of magical energy from its master, and once it has enough it'll poll that energy into a Shang-Fo spell (magic used by monsters, more on that later) and develop its human form.
Even if it sounds simple now, there are still a lot of factors to this thing's existence. For one, it's not guaranteed an Ellyan would even bond itself to an object at all. If the object is not maintained enough, it'll just move on.
Even when an Ellyan attaches itself to a thing, it may not get enough energy to even form. Often items tend to get damaged, their owners forget about them, or just plain wear and tear will end up hindering the process by a lot.
It is possible to influence its form though. One way is to imbue the object with Ki. A second solution is family heirlooms. Items passed down and cared for throughout the generations. Or the third which was a surprise to me, is when a hero ends up caring for an object, it's guaranteed for it to get an Ellyan.
Now that you formed a construct, it'll be bound to its item. If it gets too far away the construct will be teleported back to their item. More importantly, any damage done to the object will be reflected upon the construct.
If a construct dies, its body will enter a state where it has to regenerate its form. (Supplying it with ki or mana can speed up this process.) If their object is destroyed, however, it would mean sudden death for the construct.
Its appearance and strength are also determined by its age and condition. Isu looks like a child while also being considered a weak construct due to her chair being only 5 years old and extremely rusty. So maintenance is the key to making sure your construct has a long and healthy life.
There's probably a lot more I'm missing, so expect this to be updated when more relevant information is found. If I end up getting this right, maybe I can make a construct of my own… Nah, I got Fonhare. He's all I need.
/~/