For the past several years, the holiday season felt a little lonely to Kim, in a way she couldn't quite articulate, and she distracted herself with work. Winter break flew by, and before she knew it, it was Christmas morning.
It was a rare year that both Kim and her mom had the morning off, and they celebrated early before Mom worked that night. They spent most of it lounging around the apartment, watching Christmas movies and snacking.
Her mom, who worked Christmas Eve, dozed on the recliner, not that Kim minded. The odd hours made it difficult to maintain a normal schedule. She only wished that they could take her off nights, but Kim knew that her mom would feel guilty if she brought it up.
Kim wasn't sure whether she should tell her about the bonfire—or Jared. Her mother was unfortunately very familiar with her lifelong crush—particularly the most embarrassing things from her childhood. There was some part of Mom that rooted for Jared, even during Kim and Charlie's relationship.
"He's not your type," she'd said when Kim showed her Charlie's MySpace profile picture; he'd just asked her out after track practice—sweaty and shy as she waited for her mom to pick her up.
She couldn't deny that a small part of her stayed with Charlie to prove Mom wrong, but when Kim broke up with him the summer before senior year, her mom didn't appear too heartbroken about it.
To bring it up now might be more trouble than it was worth, especially now that he's running with Sam Uley. Kim wasn't sure if it was right to burden her mom with what was going on with the Quileute boys.
That is, until Mom brought it up while Kim went to put their snacks away. As Mom dressed in her scrubs and tightened her watch around her wrist in the kitchen, Kim caught her gaze.
"Is everything okay, sweetie? You're being unusually quiet. Are you sure it's okay to leave—?"
Kim shook her head quickly. "No, it's not that—"
"—I know it's your favorite holiday—"
"No, Mom—I've just been really busy with work and…school. I have a big paper to write."
Her mom didn't look convinced. She weighed whether to be truthful or not, and decided to just come out and say it. "It's really not a big deal. I've just…been talking to Jared recently—"
"Jared Cameron?!"
"Moooom," Kim groaned, her cheeks burning. "Yes, who else is named Jared?"
"Aw, an old flame!" Her eyes glittered with excitement. "Okay, I'll shut up. Go on, go on!"
If this had been a month ago, Kim might have told her to drop it. But Mom was the only one who seemed genuinely excited for her—never mind that she might have a good reason not to be. Is it so bad to pretend for just a little bit that there's a real possibility it could go somewhere?
"It's really nothing. I just..."
What could Kim even say about it? She wished nothing even happened—that Jared had never paid her any attention, that he never showed up at the Community Center. If only Kim could remain blissfully ignorant of his interest. If only her mom wasn't so good at reading her.
"He was at the Winter Formal," she said, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks. "And…we talked." Maybe saying that they "talked" was a bit of an overstatement.
"I knew I shouldn't have missed it!" Mom glanced at her watch. "I have some time. Let's heat up some tea."
A wave of affection warmed her heart as her mom moved around the kitchen. Kim watched her calloused hands pour lost leaf tea into small, steel strainers and set out twin blue mugs. After placing the kettle on a burner, she turned around and leaned back against the counter, waiting for Kim to go on.
As Kim relayed the story, she started from the beginning with his strange behavior in class, the rumors at school, and Sam Uley and the Elders. She edited out the heat of Jared's eyes in the classroom and the almost-kiss outside the Center, but her cheeks still burned.
Her mom nodded along as she poured and sipped with her at the kitchen table. When Kim finished her rambling, she thought how insane she must sound. I'm looking into this way too deeply, she worried. Did she imagine it all?
"So, Sam Uley and Emily Young are getting married, huh?" her mom said, sipping her drink. "They're pretty young."
"That's what I said!" Kim said. "And they only just started dating. I feel so bad for Leah."
"Eh, that girl has an attitude problem," her mom said, waving her hand. "I can't blame him for moving on. Emily's such a sweetheart. She's always so helpful."
Kim rolled her eyes. "Doesn't mean Leah deserved what happened to her."
"You know I don't mean it like that," Mom said. She leaned back in her chair. "I do wonder how Leah's doing. I haven't seen her around much."
"Probably because everyone keeps talking about her behind her back," Kim said, giving her a look. "I know I'd be embarrassed if a guy I've dated for years suddenly broke up with me for my cousin."
"Well, this isn't about her—we're talking about you." Her mom grinned at her. "I'm not surprised Jared has taken a sudden liking to you. He's stupid for not realizing what a catch you are sooner."
"Mooom," she groaned, burying her face in her hand.
"And he's lucky Charlie has the personality of a wet paper bag. I know when I was your age, boys like that never held my interest for long. I've always had a thing for the bad boys."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," Kim moaned before she paused. "What is that supposed to mean—bad boy?"
"People talk." Her mom hesitated, as if searching for the right words. Kim peered at her, trying to catch her eye, but she looked as if she was weighing whether or not to say something to her.
"What?"
She took a deep breath before shaking her head. "Well, I guess I might as well tell you. I saw Jared at the hospital a few weeks ago."
Kim's stomach dropped. "You, what?"
She raised her hand to stop her. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you. And to be perfectly honest, it's not my business to tell."
Maybe there's a good reason not to just go and blabber our business all over the Rez. You don't think that we have a good reason for it?
She started to ramble. "Did something happen to him? Was it bad? Is that why he was away for so long? Or why he feels so w—um, why he's so sick?"
Memories of Embry walking, dazed and bloody, out of the woods drifted into her mind. The thought of Jared being hurt like that crushed her.
"No, no, honey," her mom rushed out, and placed her hand over Kim's. "He didn't even get admitted." She paused, mulling over what to say before going on, choosing her words carefully. "He came in pretty late—maybe two, two-thirty in the morning. I don't think he remembered who I was. I know it's been a long time since I'd seen him—he's so tall now! He was all by himself, shaking like a leaf. He had a terrible fever, too. I was busy with a patient, but a friend of his showed up. Paul, I believe was his name?"
"He left with him?"
"Yes," Mom said slowly. "Look, I didn't want to argue, but I couldn't force him to check in against his will. And that Paul—he's a real piece of work. Probably has a bigger attitude problem than Leah Clearwater."
Ignoring her comment, Kim leaned closer, her elbows on the wooden table. "Do you remember what they talked about? Anything?"
She shook her head. "I do know I was surprised that Jared left with him at all. They certainly didn't seem close. They argued in the lobby for a while, and another RN had to ask them to leave."
Kim sipped slowly. "Did he, uh… Was his hair still long?"
Her mom turned the empty mug around in her hands. "Not like it used to be. It looked like he cut it himself. It was...choppy and messy. I was too shocked to say anything, but I could tell he was self-conscious about it."
So, it must have happened right after he disappeared.
Kim could picture it—Jared alone and scared in a hospital. When he did return to school, his hair was buzzed down to his scalp. It wasn't so hard to imagine Embry in his place, and Paul before Embry. It was all so...odd.
"This must've been around…what, late October? How long was he sick again?"
Mildly embarrassed that she knew this off the top of her head, Kim mumbled out, "Two weeks. He came back right before Thanksgiving break."
Thanksgiving was celebrated by few families on the reservation, but students relished the excuse to not go to school. Jared had shown up right before break. But when Paul got sick, Jared disappeared and reappeared in odd intervals.
"Honey." Mom reached out and put her hands on hers. "This is why I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want you worrying. I figured that if it was anything serious, you'd be the first to tell me, what with your...feelings for him." She leaned back in her chair and stared out the kitchen window, twirling her rings absently around her fingers. Kim's mug was bone cold. "It's none of my business. But after what I saw happen to Sam Uley and Paul… I just figured that they would look out for one another."
Kim couldn't believe she heard her right. "Wait. What are you saying?"
"Well, Sam has been doing a lot for the community. It may not be up to everyone's standards, but the Elders are happy. And I've heard Lahote was a bit of a hot head before, and was heading down the wrong path before Sam straightened him up. Maybe it will do Jared some good, too."
Kim couldn't believe what she was hearing. This is a lot of trust to put into a group of young boys. "But Jared isn't a hot head. And he wasn't a 'bad boy.' He's just...a normal kid."
"Life hasn't always been easy on him," Mom said softly. Now Kim was the one to look away. "And I truly believe Sam is the role model Jared needs in his life right now, especially after both his father and mother passed…"
Kim swallowed thickly, the cold tea bitter on her tongue.
"But is this what Embry needs?" she asked. "Tiffany didn't seem so sure when I tried to talk to her at the Winter Formal."
At the name, her mother's eyebrows rose. "Tiffany Call?"
Kim nodded.
"I can't speak for her," her mom said slowly. "We're not as close as we used to be. But I've seen the care and support the council gave to Sam. They're good people, I do believe that."
They sat in silence for another moment, Kim staring down at the table and Mom looking out the kitchen window.
Her mother glanced at her watch. "I have to take off. Hopefully traffic won't be bad."
Kim rolled her eyes at her terrible joke—the worst traffic Forks ever got was when a deer crossed the street. "Have a good day at work, Mom. And...thanks."
She smiled before pecking her lightly on the cheek. "Of course, sweetie. Merry Christmas."
Like most breaks from school, Kim spent hers working at the Double R Diner. It wasn't that she didn't need the money, but she missed when she could actually enjoy her school breaks. But it helped that she actually liked her job at the quaint diner, and she could work with her best friend, when Maya bothered to pick up a shift.
Built in the 80s right on the edge of the reservation, Double R served a mix of people from western Washington and beyond. Most customers were from Forks on their way back from hunting trips, or tourists taking a pit stop before heading back to California or Canada. Thankfully, few of her classmates ever visited her at work; she was never sure how to react when she saw people from school at her work. Maya didn't care, but that didn't mean that Kim didn't.
Kim tried not to worry about how little money she made at the slow 24-hour diner, or think about all of the university debt hanging over her head that financial aid couldn't cover.
Days before school started back, Kim picked up a late shift and spent the majority of it pretending not to anxiously count how much more she'd need to make this shift reach her goal. She was $83 short.
She was by herself with only Gianni, the cook who blared rock music in the back, and two older customers at the service counter making idle chatter.
She poured herself another cup of black coffee as she glanced at the clock—2:46AM. Less than 4 hours to go before she could fall into bed and try to wake up before noon.
Beverly, a chain-smoking waitress who's worked there since the doors opened, called off and Kim worked the night alone. Thankfully, most of the bar crowd left a while ago, and the two customers left were nice enough.
One was a heavy set white man in a fishing hat that usually ate most weekend mornings. Kim recognized him; he was a nice guy who tipped well. Beside him was an older Quileute woman who no longer lived on the Rez and visited family for the holidays. The older man, she knew, had a fondness for biscuits and gravy, whereas the woman picked at her eggs and coffee.
Sipping at her scalding hot coffee, she cringed at her memories of the crude jokes the drunk men had thrown at her before they stumbled out. They probably knew she was still in high school, but they didn't care.
The lights strung around the service counter twinkled dimly as the Christmas spirit hung on for dear life. Holiday music played softly from the restored jukebox in the far corner, and only half of the cutout snowflakes remained on the walls. Another holiday season had come and gone, and she wondered, not for the first time, how hard the holiday season might have been on Jared.
It was then that the front door chimed and he walked in, alone.
Her heart nearly stopped beating right then and there. As if he was summoned by pure thought alone, there Jared stood in shorts that stopped above his knees and a baggy hoodie, still covered with sprinkles of melting snow.
Jared stopped dead in his tracks, staring at her with comically wide eyes in return. Their conversation at the Community Center flooded back to her, and her heart beat loudly in her chest. She could tell Jared debated turning around and walking out, but her two customers paused their conversation to look up at him expectantly.
"Jare, hey, what's up? Got somewhere to be?" asked the gruff man, smiling crookedly at him over his shoulder.
Jare? Her eyes darted between them. They knew him…?
"Uh, nothing. No, I'm good." He hesitated a moment before finally making his way over to the service counter. He sat by the man with a seat between them. "Where's Bev?"
"Guess Bev's 'sick,'" replied the man with a loud, boyish laugh. "More like hungover."
"Or maybe she was just tired of your flirting, Gus," Jared replied with a sleepy smirk that shouldn't have been as attractive as it was. She pretended to be busy cleaning a spot on the other side of the counter that only she could see.
"Hey now, Jare, I'm a married man. But that don't mean I don't have eyes."
"Oh, yeah? Is that true, Zora?"
"I'm not getting involved. I like her more than Bev, anyways. Bev talks too much."
The woman was pointing a purple acrylic nail at Kim, the bracelets on her thin wrists clinking together softly. Kim smiled shyly until she caught Jared watching her. She dropped her gaze again.
Turning her back to the trio, she attempted to compose herself.
She had never seen Jared eat at Double R, so of course he's there now.
…But if she hadn't seen Jared there before, how did he know them? How often did he come to eat here at 3 in the morning?
"Don't normally see ya workin' here this late, hon," Gus called out to Kim as if reading her thoughts. "Ain't cha in school?"
"Yes, that's right," Zora said, inclining her head towards her with a gentle smile. "What are you doing out this late?"
Kim's eyes traveled back to Jared of their own volition. She and Jared were the same age—eighteen-years-old and seniors in high school. They should be asking him the same thing.
It could be that they didn't know. He did look older now—he could even pass for early- to mid-twenties. They wouldn't have even the slightest idea.
"I'm on winter break right now. I'm just picking up some late shifts to save up for college."
"College!" Gus exclaimed. "I coulda sworn you were jus' a kid."
"Gus, she's a baby!"
"'M just saying—my eyes ain't what they used to be," he laughed. "'Sides, if the kind of riffraff that comes in here don't scare her off already, I doubt lil ol' me's gonna do it. You know her, Jare?"
Jared kept his eyes trained on the menu in front of him. "This is a small reservation."
Kim snorted softly. That's one way to put it.
The size difference between Jared and the others was almost comical—Gus was a large, burly man and Zora was a small, thin woman, while Jared was all broad shoulders and solid frame.
Okay, now you're just ogling.
She cleared her throat. "Do you, um, did you want to order anything…?"
"Black coffee to start." He paused. "Please."
She nodded and turned away, trying to remain casual as she poured the remaining coffee into a mug.
Before she could place it in front of him, Jared's hand shot out to take it from her, and their fingers briefly touched. His were warm and calloused, and she quickly moved her hand away. She mumbled an automatic: "Sorry."
She turned back around to brew another pot, her hand fisted inside her apron pocket. The coffee machine whined before the hot water sputtered over the grounds. She fought back the memory of what it felt like to crash against his firm chest.
Gus grunted. "So—Kimberly was it?"
"Kim." She caught Jared watching her over the lip of his mug. His hand was ridiculously large as it gripped the handle as if it were a doll's mug.
Stop thinking about his hands!
"What're your plans for college, then? Ya don't want to be a waitress the rest of your life, right?"
"Gus—!" There was a hard thwack, and he cursed as coffee sloshed on his hand. "Ignore him, hon, he's not house trained."
Kim pressed her lips together to repress a laugh. She grabbed a handful of napkins for them. "I'm looking at colleges in the area. My mom's a nurse, so I'm inspired to follow in her footsteps."
There was a small comfort in anticipating what questions they would ask. Where do you want to go to school? Where does your mom work? How long have you worked here? It was like the Winter Formal all over again—only with an audience that made her fidget nervously.
She recited her lines, careful not to let her eyes wander. When she refilled his coffee, she took care to keep from touching him again, and he appeared to do the same. She could thankfully kept her voice even as she took his order, but the awkwardness between them lingered.
She wondered if they noticed—they had to, hadn't they? Maybe it was all in her head.
"Well, it's about that time," Gus announced, stretching. "Hey, sweetie, can I have my check? I've got to get goin' if I don't want the wife throwing a fit. Ya know?"
Zola nodded. "Me too. I better head home before my family thinks I ran away to Canada." She winked as she gave Kim her American Express card pressed between two manicured fingers.
Jared shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was perched right on the edge as if he was about to make a run for it.
Handing them both their checks, they took their time leaving, chatting idly with Jared while Kim cashed them out. They both left a $20 bill for her.
"It was so good to see you." Zora leaned forward to pat Jared's shoulder. "Take care, dear."
"See you around," Gus said, clapping Jared on the back. He turned towards Kim and tilted his hat at her with a wink. "I hope to see you another time, little lady."
"Lovely meeting you, Kim!" Zora called. The little mistletoes and bells on the door chimed as she opened the front door. "Have a good night, and happy New Year!"
"Happy New Year!" Kim called back with a wave.
The glass door swung back as the two disappeared into their separate cars in the darkened parking lot. Silence enveloped the diner instantly.
Kim ran her thumb nervously over the lip of her mug, sparing quick glances at him. Jared's leg bounced as he stared his coffee down, his face pinched in deep thought. It looked like he was trying to move the mug with his mind.
Aside from Nat King Cole singing and Gi cooking, the quiet tension was almost unbearable.
What was she supposed to do? She couldn't forget how warm he felt, or the way he looked at her mouth.
I thought you were scared of me.
Should I be?
No.
Kim shivered.
She had to do something, anything, to distract from this awkward silence. Behind the counter, she circled. She started another fresh pot of coffee. She restocked the napkins and silverware. She bussed the counter, clearing Gus and Zora's plates away.
Balancing the dishes in her arms, she walked briskly through the swinging doors and nearly sighed in relief when she was out of his sight.
I'm not avoiding him, she argued with herself. I'm just doing my job. We have nothing to talk about, anyways.
From behind the grill, Gi tuned into a late-night radio show as Jared's half dozen bacon and eggs sizzled on the grill. He greeted her with a short nod as she dumped the dishes off at the dish tank. She washed her hands and looked at her reflection in the smudgy mirror.
Her mascara was smudged, and flyaway hairs poked out at odd angles. She pressed cold water on her cheeks and combed her fingers through her hair before she retied it into a loose bun at the nape of her neck. She rubbed away the last of the mascara so that she looked less like a drunk raccoon. She didn't want to look like she was trying too hard, but at least she felt better.
"Hey, Kim—food's up," Gi called from the grill.
She barely contained her shock when Jared ordered his food—it was more than she's seen one person eat there, ever.
She was slightly surprised that he was still there when she walked back out, his hood pushed down and his hair slightly messy, as if he ran his hands through it. His whole body shook as one of his legs bounced underneath the counter.
She was sure that he could hear her heart in her chest, and fought to keep her face neutral as she set the plates down in front of him and reached for the pot of coffee.
"Refill?" she squeaked out—mortified that she'd actually squeaked—but he only nodded once without speaking.
Okay. If he was determined to spend the rest of his meal without uttering a single word to her, that was fine by her.
When she put the pot back, she picked her own mug up and took a sip from the cold coffee. Glancing at the clock, it was past 3AM. She rubbed at a crick on her neck and pretended like she wasn't looking at him out of the corner of her eye.
He acted as if he was ravenous, like he hadn't eaten in days. Or maybe he just wanted to leave as quickly as possible. To say that he wolfed down his food was an understatement—she was surprised he gave himself a moment to even breathe.
Jared pushed a plate towards her with one finger.
"Wanna help?"
On the small plate were a couple pieces of untouched toast with jam, eggs, and fresh fruit, the steam still rising and the butter half melted.
"I can hear your stomach growling from over here."
It was then that the reality of his question hit her, and she felt her face heat up. Mortification must have been written all over her face because Jared's brows furrowed as he watched.
"I'm fine, thanks."
"No, really," Jared said, serious now. He wiped at a bit of butter from the corner of his mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie, and pushed the extras closer to her. "I'm not trying to offend you. Join me."
Join me.
Kim looked back at him reluctantly, her anger subsiding. He, in turn, looked with a raised eyebrow, expectant.
"...Okay." She walked hesitantly over to the plate. Sliding it closer to herself, she kept her eyes cast down as he watched her. His gaze on her face, her hands—it made her nervous. "Thanks."
"No problem."
She wasn't completely starving, but working long, late hours without a proper break wore her down. Other than four or five cups of coffee to keep her from passing out, she'd only eaten an old club sandwich with too much mayo hours ago. At least this was hot food.
She leaned over with one elbow on the counter, and tried to keep herself from inhaling the food as badly as she wanted to.
Jared didn't seem to be in any rush to talk, though he now picked at his home fries and eggs with ketchup, still making no effort to talk to her.
Nibbling at the fruit, her stomach cramped suddenly in hunger. Despite it, she took her time eating, licking a drop of juice from a strawberry that dripped out the corner of her mouth before reaching for another. She felt the weight of his gaze on her.
Kim's cheeks warmed and she wiped her hands on her apron.
He looked back down at his plate.
"So… Have you started your essay for Adam's class yet?"
Kim blinked, caught off guard by his random question. Of all things to talk about, he wanted to talk about school? "Um...yeah, actually. I finished it yesterday."
Another moment of silence. Jared sat slightly slumped over the service counter and made no effort to return her gaze; it didn't even look like he'd spoken.
Chewing her toast for a moment, she took a quick sip of coffee. "Did you?" she asked hesitantly.
Jared scoffed. "Nope."
More silence.
Well, this was going well.
"H-how was your, um, Christmas?" she asked tentatively.
"Fine."
Kim worried her bottom lip. "I spent the day with my mom…"
She paused waiting for him to interrupt and when he didn't reply, she tentatively continued.
"We have this tradition where we, like, binge eat junk food and watch Christmas movies all day. Maybe that's not a real tradition—we don't go to church or anything like that. But, it's nice being with her. We wake up early, swap presents and stuff, but the best part is being a total couch potato. No school or work to worry about. It's nice…"
She shoved a piece of toast in her mouth, her face on fire. The silence continued to drag out.
Why even bother? What was she trying to do? What was the point in engaging in a conversation with a guy who made it abundantly clear that he wasn't interested?
"What movies?" He looked directly at her, an earnestness in his gaze. Something seized inside her at his attention.
"Oh, um, you know, the classics. A Christmas Story. The Grinch. Black Christmas. Charlie Brown."
He squinted at her. "...Black Christmas?"
She nodded.
Jared pressed his lips into a small grin. "I'm surprised you like that kind of thing. You don't seem the type."
Kim blinked. What did that mean? What did he think she'd like? It was difficult to imagine he'd given her any thought at all. "It's fun to mix it up once in a while. It's not as cheesy as movies like Die Hard."
"Hey, don't diss Die Hard," he said, now smiling.
She smiled softly in return before looking back down, picking up a cantaloupe. "Should've known that would be your favorite."
"'Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho,'" he quoted.
She laughed at his impression.
He tucked some of his hair behind his ear, but the rebel strands slipped out anyway. The sleeves of his hoodie fell past his wrists, and she could see a bit of mud underneath. "Gremlins is my favorite."
She nodded solemnly. "Oooh, good choice. Did you watch it on Christmas?"
His smile dissolved instantly. "I worked."
"Oh," she hesitated. "All day...?"
He leaned forward and rested his forearms on the counter. He ran a finger over the handle of his coffee mug. "Pretty much. Christmas was a little different this year. For me."
A wave of guilt crashed on her. His mom. She wanted to bury her head in the ground. "Oh, I— Sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's fine," he finally said, his voice soft. "You apologize too much."
I might not do that so much if you didn't make me feel so awkward all the time!
Kim realized how close they were, physically. The service counter hardly did its job separating them as they leaned over their plates. She could see the dark brown of his eyes, the bags like bruises underneath them. His large hands rested in the space between them, so close to her own. She could barely make out the faint, white scars on his fingers.
His gaze flickered down to her hands, too. If she moved her hand only a few inches to the right, their pinkies would touch.
"Nice ring."
Kim looked down at the fake engagement ring on her left ring finger.
"It's just to keep the creepy guys off my back. It doesn't always work, but..." She shrugged, a nervous laugh falling from her lips.
He nodded. "Yeah, my mom used to do the same thing."
Kim blinked in surprise. "Really?"
"Yeah," he said in a somewhat softer tone. "She used to work here, when I was a kid. Before she got sick."
She nodded slowly. "Right. I remember."
He tilted his head. "You do?"
She swallowed, unsure of how much she should say.
"I–I think so…" She twisted the cheap ring around her finger. "I remember she brought you into work sometimes, too. And you would sit in the booth in the corner over there, and do your homework. But mostly, you just ran around and talked to all the tables." She smiled. "It was cute."
"Huh. Yeah…" Jared looked over at the aforementioned booth, the faintest smile on his face. She bit her lip.
She didn't have enough time to release her lip when he turned back to her, and she moved her face away. "Mom would beat me over the head if she knew I was eating the food here. No offense to Gi."
Kim let out a surprised laugh. "I'm sure he'll be the first to admit that our food is less than spectacular. But that's what a cheap diner gets you." She shrugged.
"Is it weird to say that the food reminds me of her?"
She nodded absently as she thought of all the late afternoons she sat where he was now. "I know what you mean."
"You used to come in here a lot with your dad, right?"
Kim blinked. He remembered?
"Yeah...sometimes."
Jared nodded, his eyes so gentle, they made her ache.
Feeling brave—or maybe it was the lateness that made her so vulnerable with him—she started, "My dad…" Her throat threatened to close.
Why talk about this? Why be so vulnerable with him now? But she felt it was only fair. If he shared some part of himself, she felt it was only right to do the same.
"Before he left for the last time, when he left for good…my dad would take me here during his lunch hour. I didn't really care that he was drunk most of the time, or that he'd flirt with the customers. I just liked that he gave me attention. Like, this was our special place. I guess this is still a special place for me, in a way...as messed up as that sounds."
They stayed silent. Jared watched as she turned her ring around on her finger.
"He's a surfing instructor, right?"
"He was. Who knows what he's doing, or where he is now." She shrugged, acid dripping in her tone.
He nodded, his eyes still trained on hers, searching. It felt as if the back of her neck and shoulders caught fire. She was suddenly very aware of the fabric of her work shirt touching her skin.
"I wonder...is it better to have a dad and lose him, or never know your dad at all?" He huffed out a sharp laugh. "Sorry. I don't mean to make it depressing."
A melancholy grin touched her lips. "It's okay. This is kind of a depressing conversation. And I...get it. It's a good question."
The food was entirely gone, and the coffee cold.
This couldn't be the same intense boy who ignored her for weeks. The same boy she's had a crush on since kindergarten. The same one who disappeared with Sam Uley, and who told her to trust him.
But she couldn't think about that now, not with his slight smile and soft eyes.
The slight shiver that passed through her might have gone unnoticed if Jared wasn't looking directly at her. But he did notice, and his eyes were half-lidded as his eyes flickered across her exposed skin. Goosebumps prickled across her arms at his gruff voice, his dark eyes.
You are being so inappropriate, she berated herself, but there was something so addicting about having his full attention on her.
"How did you know those two?" she asked, nervously gesturing to the empty seats beside him.
Jared hesitated a second longer, a careful look in his eye as he replied. "I've been coming here for a few months. Zora's just visiting her family on the Rez—she lives in California now. I met Gus here, too, and we catch each other from time to time."
Kim nodded. "Yeah, I've seen him here, usually in the mornings."'
"He's good people," Jared said. "But I figured out that most people don't eat here this late. I like to eat here by myself. I have trouble sleeping."
He doesn't eat with Sam Uley and the others here? "Drinking a whole pot of coffee probably doesn't help. You should try running."
Jared smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I don't usually drink this much." He paused. "And to be honest with you… I'm only drinking this to stay here longer."
Oh. Kim's eyes widened at his confession.
He's just kidding, her thoughts were quick to interrupt. He just wanted to see how far he could push her before he laughed at her.
But his expression was far from joking—that smile and those warm, dark eyes maintained steady eye contact.
There it was again. Or rather, there it always was.
It had been there since he first walked into the diner, and there it still sat, like a third, uninvited guest: that pull, that tug, that made it feel like she was melting.
Could he feel it, too? There was something that told her it wasn't one-sided—the tongue that darted out to lick his bottom lip as he watched her, that dark gaze that dropped to her mouth, the way he tilted his head and opened his mouth to say something—
Suddenly the front door opened.
Jared and Kim both jumped at the sound. He whirled around in his seat, his eyes on the figure before they had even stepped fully inside.
"Figured you'd be in this dump," Paul Lahote said, shaking the snow from his hair like a dog. Kim was more shocked to see the state of his clothes—or rather, the lack of them—than she was at his sudden entrance, standing there in only a pair of muddy shorts. No shirt, no shoes. "Sam's been trying to get ahold of ya. Meeting's in 15."
It was then that he noticed Kim standing awkwardly behind the counter. "Oh. Sup, babe," he called with a smirk.
Jared abruptly stood up from his chair, the seat quickly swiveling with the force of his movement. "Let's go."
Instead of waiting to leave with him, Paul nodded once before exiting as quickly as he appeared, not sparing another glance at Kim.
Jared stood there, his hands in fists at his side as he looked at the door for a moment before slowly swinging his hooded gaze over to her.
"See you in class," Jared murmured, putting out a few bills on top of his check.
"See you," Kim called out weakly at his back, his retreating figure already out the door.
Dear Kimmy,
What's up, homie! :D I hope ur life is completely miserable right now because I'm gone :P JK I miss u!
I loooove BC so much. I mean, it's still PNW because all the rain and trees and whatever, but it's way better than La Push. There are like so many things to do here. Maybe we can get fakes and go to the cluuub (unless Ms. Connweller is reading this, in that case I'm TOTALLY KIDDING!)
Dad and I should be home 2nite which totally sucks because that will mean I have to go to school tomorrow and I'm trying to convince him to let me skip but u know how he is :/
Anyways I didn't hear much about the bonfire since it happened… I'm worried for Embry. Is he okay? Have u seen him around since the bonfire? Charlie hasn't.
I've got to go to sleep now. We have a loooong drive ahead of us in the morning. We're leaving at FOUR IN THE MORNING! KILL ME! DX
Dad bought this really cute university sweatshirt for me that I can't wait to show u!
C u tomorrow
Looove yoouuuu
-Maya
PS: Any news on the Jared situation? I heard he was at the bonfire too. I wasn't going to bring it up but…!
PPS: Charlie invited us to his house for a party NEXT FRIDAY! Go with me?! Hopefully it'll be as exciting as the bonfire I missed. Charlie said he was going to invite you himself but you've been ignoring his messages.
The family computer was on a desk crowded with paper and bills, and while she didn't usually spend a lot of time on the internet, email was pretty cool. Kim was relieved to see a recent email from Maya with the subject line: "Coming to You Live From BC!" They hadn't talked almost all winter break, and the emails shared between them were sparse.
It was strange that Sam wasn't mentioned anywhere in her email. She wondered if Maya intentionally didn't bring it up, or if Charlie kept that from her.
Kim chewed on her lip, looking at the words on the screen but not reading them. "Exciting" wasn't exactly the word she'd use. She thought of Embry, his terrified eyes, his warm skin, his terror. Then Jared, looming over her, quietly asking her to trust him.
And will Embry return to school after winter break?
She huffed out a disgruntled sigh as she thought about Charlie. He'd messaged her constantly during break, which she'd humored at first, but now it was beginning to be a bit…much. She scrolled through his messages that she'd ignored: "Heeyyy"—"Wazzup dude! Hows ur break?"—"Wanna come over for a movie? I have Meet the Fockers from Blockbuster"—"Do you work tonight? I can swing by…."
She thought back to when she broke up with him that summer—she'd listed college and grades as reasons why she couldn't focus on their relationship. She was friendly, but she regretted not being totally honest. She cared about Charlie, but she didn't have those feelings for him anymore. For some reason, he was even more persistent than when they were together. Ugh—she rubbed her face. It was just easier to ignore them.
Wanting to distract herself, she scrolled through her inbox until she found the unopened email from Elizabeth from the bonfire. Huh—I'd completely forgotten all about these.
The subject line read "BoNfIrE pIcS!3" Kim clicked through the attached photos.
There was a blurry picture of a finger, an unflattering picture of Kim mid-drink, and then a clearer picture of her and Elizabeth. The picture of the two of them was actually kind of cute, but it was too bad that their beers were in the picture. Maybe she could crop them out...
Clicking absently, she reached the picture Elizabeth took of just her. Wow, I do look good here. Even though her eyes were focused, it made the picture look kind of candid—she actually looked cute.
She leaned in closer to analyze it when something in the woods behind her caught her eye.
In the background, over her left shoulder, was a shot of the blue and black forest, and running between the trees, were two blurry wolves.
A/N: Chapter title inspired by "I Disappear" by The Faint.
Double R Diner is named after the same one in Twin Peaks :-) Next week is a surprise flashback chapter: Jared's POV! I'm very excited for you to all get a peek inside Jared's mind. Have a great week!