-47-
Rose
Cincinnati, Ohio
"Are we really doing this?" Emmett asks me from my living room, setting the last packed bag on top of my pile of shit.
His is already waiting in the car.
"It's a little too late to ask me that," I tease, making my way over to him and winding my arms around his waist.
It's been a fucking wild two months since we've been back in the harsh reality of the real world. Emmett may no longer have the beach out his back door, but he has me now and that seems to be plenty to hold him over for the time being.
It was hard to leave the station, but the clarity and the drive that always comes from my trip with the girls gave me the push I needed to get it done.
Even if I did cry my eyes out right in front of all of my coworkers as I packed up.
I was able to fully immerse myself in Decode, who have been absolute saints while I learn the ropes I need to do the job. Classes started about a week ago, so I'm a little bit nervous to be balancing that while on tour with a whole ass band, but I'm ready to put in the work.
As corny as it is, I have a new lease on life, and with it comes a new positive outlook and excitement for what's to come.
Don't get me wrong, I'm also terrified, but I'm stronger than I was then. Not to mention the army I have backing me and making sure I don't fall.
"Mm, I like that," Emmett hums, burying his face in my neck. "I like to see your smile while your wheels are turning for once."
To no one's surprise, Emmett has been amazing since we got home, but we've spent a lot less time together. His work can sometimes take him away for a week at a time, and although it's good that we have the distance so I don't get entirely wrapped up in him, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to have him with me all the time now.
"I like having something to look forward to," I smile, pulling back to kiss him.
We almost miss our flight when that kiss quickly turns into fucking on my living room floor, getting one last taste of each other before were forced to sneak behind port-o-potties if we need a little release.
…
When life is as unpredictable as it tends to be when you're on tour, waking up in a new city or a new state every single day, you learn to create little rituals for yourself.
For Sasha, it's yoga at five AM every single morning, no matter how late we were out the night before celebrating another successful show.
Eleazar goes around the van every night and asks each one of us what the most interesting part of our day was.
Emmett plays Wordle.
And I do anything I can to send Bree a postcard.
I send them to the girls as well, but it's her little face I see when I'm picking them out.
I love knowing she now has two aunties showing her that there's a whole lot of world to see and discover out there, and I smile to myself as I look at the card stock in my fingers and imagine her joining us for a road trip someday. Watching Alice grow as a mother and learn how to also be her friend. Showing her that there is always more horizon to reach for.
I do this, now. Dream about our future. My future. It's easy to do when you're completely, blindingly happy.
We just got back from Boston, where the band started and Emmett went to college. In January, we'll release an album, and until then their followers grow by the thousands every night. Managing them is as easy as breathing, though I'm soaking up all the extra knowledge my college classes are giving me. During the day, when we travel, I do my classes using shitty hot spot and praying there's better wifi at the next place we stop so I can send in my assignments. It hasn't been easy, but every facet of my life is wrapped in music and Emmett, who spends his days singing to me and loving me harder than I've ever been loved.
I still don't think I can accept it all just yet, but I'm getting closer.
And dreaming is easy now, looking at the picture on the postcard I just got done filling out with stories of my adventures.
It's not our beach house, but it's a beach house, although it's missing our wraparound porch and my balcony, and it makes my heart yearn for Lighthouse Cove and my girls.
For the laughter and the memories they always bring. The warmth that fills me that's attributed to more than just the sun.
Life is good enough now that my yearning is fleeting when strong arms wrap around me and warm lips press against my shoulder.
"Your bath is ready," Emmett says, hand spanning across my stomach I no longer flinch when he touches.
He made this happen tonight. The band has exactly two days without shows, and I've been complaining about the lack of real showers on the road, so this man swings in and flies us home. I would've been happy with a hotel, but he knows life on the road is new for me and being on solid ground for a moment will do me good.
Somehow he always knows what's best for me. Especially when I don't know what's best for myself.
And when my bath is washing away all of my exhaustion from being on the go, I know exactly how I'm going to thank him.
I only wear my robe as I march, on a mission, to the junk drawer of my kitchen. The brass warms in my hand as I find Emmett relaxing on my couch and I crawl into his lap. He doesn't hesitate to hold me again, tired honey eyes cracking open.
"Close your eyes," I whisper. "And hold out your hand."
He follows my direction and I press the spare key to my apartment into his palm, and when I tell him to open his eyes he does.
"I know we won't be home often," I say. "But when we are, I want you to feel at home here. I want to let you in."
It's the easiest thing I ever do. My way of letting Emmet know I'm in this, no matter where the road may take us.
When he thanks me by lowering me down on his cock and letting me ride him into the night, I know it's only the first of many steps we're going to take into our future together.
…
I just want a hot, real shower.
Sixty days on tour in a cramped van is not for the faint of heart, or the clean of skin.
It's been a month since Emmett and I have been able to go home, and I feel disgusting.
Every inch of my skin is covered in grime, although I religiously baby wipe, it's not enough.
Sleep doesn't happen often either, leaving me to be fueled by caffeine to get me through the day. No wonder a lot of people in the music industry do coke, it's much more powerful than coffee but I don't have time for an addiction.
None of that holds a candle in comparison to how rewarding it's been. How much I've learned, how much fun I've had, how much life I've lived in such a short time.
I've seen over half of North America's states, from the deserts of Arizona to the wetlands of Washington state. And all with Emmett by my side and surrounded by a group of people that have quickly become my family.
You tend to get close when you're living in such tight spaces together for so long.
As thankful as I am, I've still been on the road for entirely too long and at this moment, if Emmett McCarty lays his hand on me one more time, I might just snap it off.
He learns that when he puts his hand on my thigh while he drives us home, in the same spot his hand always lands when it's his turn to drive and I take my spot as Master DJ/Passenger Princess/Snack Bitch.
His skin touches mine and I can't help but huff, my flesh itching with the need to get home.
I want to sleep in a real bed.
I don't move his hand, but my displeasure is known when I shoot him a glare and cross my arms over my chest, shifting my eyes from him to outside the window.
There's so many fucking corn fields in Ohio.
"What's your problem? You've been snapping at me all day," he asks, giving my thigh a squeeze.
"Fucking…nothing," I grumble, moving my leg so he removes his hand.
"Sure thing," he mocks. "You're just a fucking ray of sunshine."
One thing I've learned about Emmett when we bicker; he remains calm the whole time I hurl attitude his way. Unnervingly calm. Loving and understanding and attentive in a way I don't know how to handle. He'll try everything in his power to make me feel better and help in any way he can.
Until he's fed up. And then he shuts down.
Normally it ends with us fucking an hour or so later, and then we do this weird thing where we actually communicate the problem and come up with a solution and we make a plan to be better.
Healthy relationships are weird when you've never been in one.
Maybe it's just my desperation to be home, but this time it feels different.
Emmett and I haven't had the most conventional relationship. We've been lucky enough to get a whole lot of time together — to be able to well and truly get lost in each other. I think part of me worries when we're back home, and he's not stuck being by my side, that he won't want to be.
Because he's shut down on me, the rest of the ride is spent in silence, and when we pull into the parking lot of my apartment, I've already decided he's ready to break up with me. Since that's how my irrational, broken brain works.
"Why don't you go take a bubble bath and call the girls, I'll get everything inside and get the laundry going," Emmett offers, his hand tangling in the back of my hair and scratching my scalp in that way that weirdly calms me down like I'm a damn dog.
"No, I'll help you," I say, feeling shitty now for being upset with him when he's just as exhausted as I am, if not more.
Unlike him, I didn't help break the set down every night on top of my own duties.
"Baby," his voice is firm, forcing me to look at him. He's all scowly and sexy and if I wasn't pretty sure I had a spicy tuna roll between my legs, I might straddle him right here in the car. "Do what I said."
Choking back a yes , daddy, I nod and grab my things, just the small backpack I use as a purse and my phone, and head into my apartment.
Walking through the door doesn't really feel like coming home, anymore. I carry home with me, now. Taking my life back brought me the kind of confidence that actually makes me comfortable and secure with myself for the first time possibly ever.
So I don't need to take in my surroundings, aside from a quick scan to make sure everything is in order. No massive disasters happened while I was gone. All is well.
I simply make a beeline up the stairs of my two-story place and into the bathroom, where I strip off my clothes and turn the water on, making sure it's hot enough to sting my skin.
Just got home, running a bath so I can become human again. Anyone up for a phone call?
I shoot my message to the girls and then step into the tub, slowly sinking into the scalding water and letting it bring me back to life. Steamy, perfumed air feels my lungs and I lean my head back against cool porcelain, soaking in how good it is to be home.
Until my phone vibrates loudly on the ledge, nearly shaking itself into the water before I'm able to bring it to my ear.
"What up, bitches?!" I cackle into the phone, quickly switching it to video mode. "Get on the screen, I need to see your gorgeous faces!"
"You're naked, why are you always naked?" The first girl inquires, her rectangle switching from black to a golden glow and the backdrop of the jungle surrounding a sweaty, glowing Bella.
"Leave her alone, she just got home," Alice titters, her cute self sitting in her living room coming into focus.
It's been so long since I've gotten to actually talk to them. Not a day has gone by that we haven't traded messages, pictures, and memes, but seeing them with my own two eyes reminds me that these beautiful humans are real.
"Did you get my package?" Bella smiles, pushing her hair behind her ear.
"Not yet, I'm going to the post office tomorrow to get my held mail," I respond, leaning back into the water again and making sure my tits don't make an appearance.
They wouldn't care, but sweet little Bree could pop into the screen with absolutely no notice, even though I can't even hear her coming from Alice's end.
"Well you'll have to message me when you do, I sent a couple things for Emmett too."
She's just the sweetest, I wanna eat her up.
"Yeah, how are you feeling getting back into town a few days before?" Ali asks.
"Christmas?!" I shout, shooting out of the water and checking the date. Sure enough, I'm the blur of the tour I've completely forgotten it's the 22nd of December.
I haven't purchased a single Christmas gift.
"You didn't know?" Bella's jaw drops.
"I knew it was December but I guess I lost track on the road. Fuck," I chew my lip, running a damp hand through dry hair.
"It's okay, Rose, you've been busy," Ali soothes.
"No I know, I just feel bad I don't have any plans with Emmett. It's our first Christmas together, I should've done something to make it special."
Immediately my mind starts racing with possible gifts for him, because I know even if I'm not able to get anything to anyone else on time, I have to do something for him. He's given me so much, I have to at least try to give something back in return.
"It's already special cause you'll be together," Ali says. "And now you're back home, so it's even more special."
"And we all know you'll slob on that knob enough to make up for it," Bella finishes.
We all erupt in laughter until there are tears at the corner of my eyes and I'm shaking my head.
"I've been a bear today, I definitely have some making up to do."
For now, though, I do the making up with my girls. Making up for the time missed with them while I was away. Making up for the hole that's opening up because I've been away from them for too long now. We'll keep making up until we're back together next July.
I stay on the phone with them until my bath water is cold and my skin is way past pruny. I then wash my hair in the shower, scrubbing at my scalp to rid it of all the built-up dry shampoo I've had to on.
By the time I emerge from the bathroom I feel like I've shed my skin and become a new woman, and I'm way past ready to apologize to Emmett. The thought excites me enough to make a pit stop in my room and find something lacy to put on under my robe as a surprise for him to find when we make up.
As I make my way downstairs, guilt and panic raging a war within me with each passing step, I make a mental list in my head on what I can do to fix this. When I reach the bottom step, I freeze.
Fairy lights wind their way around my living room, and in the corner is Emmett, bent over at the waist in front of a Christmas tree that nearly touches my ceiling. I hear a click and then the tree lights up, making me gasp.
The sound makes Emmett turn around and when he sees me, his face breaks out in that familiar smile that always breaks any sort of resistance I may have against him.
"Merry Christmas," he says brightly, plucking a few Walmart bags off the floor and holding them up by his head. "I thought I'd surprise you and we could decorate the tree together."
I'm melting. Right into a puddle running down the stairs.
It doesn't matter that I have no idea how he had the time to go buy a tree and ornaments and set this all up before I came out of the bathroom, I launch my way down the stairs and hurl myself into his arms. My legs wrap around him and he sways for a moment.
His mouth opens but my lips are on his, smothering any words he may try to get out.
Just like that, my heart leaps. Free of any strings holding it back from diving entirely into this and accepting that Emmett McCarty is end game for me, I fall for him. In that exact moment. Completely and entirely. No looking back.
"I love you," I gasp, chest heaving with the passion for this man that's lighting me up.
Honey brown eyes deepen, a richness coming to life and I watch his Adam's apple bob right before his jaw drops.
He's speechless for a moment, staring at me like I just opened the doors to the world right in front of him.
"It's about fucking time," he gasps, falling to his knees while I cling to him. "I love you, too, Rose. Fuck, I've always loved you."
His mouth covers mine again and our worlds slam together, becoming one as my pretty lingerie is entirely ignored and pushed to the side so he can fill me with an urgency that takes both our breaths away.
And as we make love under the warm lights of the tree, I think this might be the best Christmas present I've ever gotten.
A week later, we're surrounded by the band and all the friends we've made along the way in Sasha and Eleazar's home. When the ball drops, we kiss, and I know that 2023 was the last year of my life I'll ever have to spend without Emmett.
In January when the album drops, I drink too much and ruin my makeup crying about how much I love everyone.
In March the awards start rolling in, and with my birthday comes the news that a major label wants to sign Decode and we're going to be gearing up for a world tour.
May brings us to Jacksonville, where I get a small dose of Alice and Jasper. Seeing Emmett play with Bree does something unholy to my ovaries, and suddenly my dreams include a little version of us running around someday.
Saying goodbye to Ali and her sweet little family is a little easier knowing I'll see her and Jasper in only two months, when my time with the girls will once again be on the horizon.
And I can't wait.
Thanks to Pamela for prereading and all of you for reviewing and loving us! xx