Shibi dropped heavily back into his chair beside mine, 'good bye's still echoing from his front door.

"I thought they'd never leave. Sorry about that, I meant to talk with you more more before they got here."

"No problem, I'll be your bodyguard any day. I am fairly invested in the health of that body, after all~."

He flushed pink.

"That settles it. I'm having a drink. Would you like one?"

"Sure."

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

"I won't move a muscle."

He rose and left for his kitchen. I did, in fact, move every muscle.

These chairs are awful. I will never understand how he can sit so stiffly and be comfortable. I'm sure he won't mind if I return them to their prior arrangement. Maybe his couch will be more forgiving on my stiff back?

I moved the chairs to the places they were usually in, then moved the coffee table a little closer to the couch. I sat on it carefully, unsure of how much the cushions would compress under me. They did not.

The couch might be firmer than the chairs. How is that even possible? And why would anyone own this?

He returned with two long stemmed glasses and a bottle of white wine. He hesitated, wavering between the chair across from me and the spot on the other end of the couch.

"You put everything back? Thank you."

I took on a stern expression and patted the couch beside me.

"Of course. And just so you know, my bodyguard services are free but my interior decorating comes at a cost."

He smiled and filled the glasses, taking the seat beside me. He raised his drink to me, then closed his eyes and tipped back a third of his wine. I quickly downed half of mine before straightening my mask back onto my face. Shibi swirled his glass in hand before turning to grin at me.

"Well it looks great. Really, just lovely. So what do I owe you, Mr. Decorator?"

I put my own cup down and leaned towards him, curling my finger under his chin. I brushed my thumb lightly over his cheek. His eyes met mine and held my gaze.

"My fees are usually very high, as I'm sure you can see by my work here, but I think we could probably work something out…have anything in mind?"

He leaned back and swallowed another third of his drink, then giggled and set the glass side.

"I can think of something I'm sure~."

"You lightweight, you've barely had any of your drink."

He grinned even more broadly and pointed towards his glass.

"Second one. First was in the kitchen."

"Ah." I chuckled. "That explains a bit. Was that visit really so stressful to you?"

"You have no idea. I'm sorry for not explaining more about it before, the whole mess is so embarrassing. As if someone my age would ever consider a child like that as my…"

His face scrunched in indignation. I scooted myself over towards him and wrapped an arm behind him. His head dropped into my shoulder and then rolled to look up at me. A thin stream of his beetles crept up from his collar and buzzed drunkenly around us, bumping off the wall a few times before landing. I stroked his head gently, dragging my fingers through his hair as he leaned against me.

I could get used to this cologne. It's strange, but not unpleasant. It's acidic, like preserved oranges and clove and musk. It suits him.

"What was your plan if that was the actual clan head?"

"You know that envelope? It was always intended for him."

"You were going to try to bribe him?"

How much was in that envelope?

"Not quite. I've adopted one child before, I was going to do it again. It's the more reasonable way to 'join our clans', in my opinion."

"Do you mean that Shino is…"
"No, not him. He's mine. But I don't want to talk about that tonight."

I stilled my hands in his hair just long enough to kiss the top of his head before resuming my motions.

"That's alright. We all have our secrets."

I felt him sigh in my lap. His voice was low with shame when he spoke.

"Being a little tipsy helps with this too. I really wanted to apologize to you."

"I told you earlier that I don't mind coming over any time you need help."

"Nooooo, not for that. I am apologizing for…I told them we were…you know."

He turned his face, now burning red, down and away from mine.

I knew this was coming. I know we'll need to move quickly to suppress this…but can't I have at least tonight to enjoy it?

I tightened my grip around his shoulder and exhaled slowly before answering.

"They don't visit often, I doubt they'll tell anyone in the village. So no worries. Your secret is safe this time, probably."

"My secret?"

"I could always kill them..? Or start telling people that they're planning a smear campaign against you. No one will believe two kids over you."

He fixed me in an unsteady, concerned stare, then broke into another open grin. He tapped my chest with his hand playfully and laughed, head moving to a more comfortable place under my chin.

"Kashi," he slurred, "You know better. That's almost not funny. I know you don't want to tell people we're together, but that's rather extreme."

"...'I don't want to tell anyone'?"

He sighed and flattened his hand over my heart, which was beginning to beat faster.

"I know, I know. And that's fine. We'll wait until you're ready. No rush."

I grabbed the rest of my drink, yanked my mask down, polished it off, and set the empty glass carelessly on the floor. I smoothed the thin fabric carefully back into place.

My hand is shaking.

"Until I'm ready? I thought…I mean l, your position is…precarious and important as a clan head and…I'm me. A man. And my father was..."

He peeled himself off of me and sat up straight, squinting hard at me and tilting his head. He stayed poised like that for a single, breathless moment before bursting into loud laughter. He struggled to speak between uncontrollable giggles.

"I think I was keeping a secret for you that you were only keeping for me. Not that it was particularly hard for me, I am a bit uptight…But sweetheart, why would I ever want to hide my feelings for you?"

It's not just my hand, my whole body is trembling. How strange.

Skikaku's face flashed into my mind.

The shape of his lips as he explained that we couldn't be together in public, the certainty in his voice when he assured me that 'it was for the good of his clan, for the good of his son, for the good of the village, etc.', the glow of the cigarette in his hand when we spoke that night in the meeting room…the fire that burned in his eyes when he looked at me.

I felt myself growing dizzy. I was still seated firmly on the couch, but I felt as if I was falling.

Was he right? He's always right…

Shibi's warm hand clapped onto my knee. I turned sharply towards him.

"I'm sorry, you look so upset."

"If you thought I wanted to keep you a secret, why would you agree? Didn't that feel wrong?

"A little, but I wanted you to be comfortable."

"Why?"

"Why did I want you to be comfortable? Because I like you. What kind of question is that?"

I felt myself begin to hyperventilate.

All those times Shikaku said he loved me…did he ever ask me once how it felt to be treated like something too shameful to see the light? If he had, I would have told him it was fine, too.

What was wrong with me?

What is wrong with me?

"Shhh, just relax. We don't have to talk about this right now. Do you need some water?"

Shibi was gazing at me with concern. His hand had moved from my knee to my shoulder, which he was massaging slowly. I fixated on his face, committing every single detail to memory as well as I could. Then I slowly raised my hand, hooked it under my mask, and took a deep breath. He watched my motions closely. His fingers stilled.

"Should I give you some privacy?"

I pulled my mask down and smiled at him weakly.

"I'd rather you didn't."