Chapter 1: Leave a Message at the Sound of the Beep

Rock groaned loudly as he woke up to the morning sun hit his face with full force. Apparently during one of his late-night benders, he had accidentally knocked the blinds down. Suddenly, his phone began to ring, causing him to a jump a little. With his eyes still adjusting, he struggled to pick up the phone. "H-hello? Rock, from Lagoon Company." On the other end was the voice of Boris, second in command to the leader of Hotel Moscow, Sofiya Pavlovna aka Balalaika. "Dobroe utro, Mr. Okajima. Kapitan wishes to see you…someone from Hotel Moscow will be by to pick you up from your place of work in about an hour or so. Do svidanija, comrade." The way Boris said that last part, sounded almost…threatening. "What could Miss Balalaika want at this hour?" Rock shrugged and got himself ready for the day.

Upon arriving at the office of the Lagoon Company he was surprised to see Revy already there, sitting on the couch, reading some gun magazine. Dutch was watching tv and drinking some coffee, while Benny was typing away at his computer. "Morning, everyone," Rock greeted his coworkers.

"Mornin', Rock," greeted Dutch, eyes planted on the tv.

"Morning, Rock," Benny said enthusiastically, but not looking up from his computer.

"Mornin', Rocky Baby," said Revy, taking her eyes off her magazine to give Rock a devilish grin. He had no idea what she was smiling about.

"You're not usually up before me, Revy," said Rock.

"Oh, I just in an unusual morning mood," chuckled Revy.

"Ok," Rock simply answered, then focused his attention towards Dutch. "Any jobs you need me for this morning?"

"Not that I can think of," thought Dutch. "Why do you ask?" Revy snickered a bit more, Rock was still unsure of what her deal was today.

"I got a call from Hotel Moscow," answered Rock. "Guess Miss Balalaika needs to see me about something." Revy immediately burst out laughing. "What the hell is so funny, Revy?"

"You really don't remember!?" she cackled.

"Remember what?" he asked.

"Holy fuckin' shit!" she laughed even louder.

"Do you two have any idea what she's going on about?" Rock asked his other two coworkers, both shook their heads.

"Ok…ok," she finally calmed down. "Last night we went out drinking…"

"Yeah, no shit, Revy," sighed Rock.

"Ain't finished tellin' the fuckin' story, dumbass," she barked. "We got back to the office late last night, downed a few more. Then, I dared you to call Hotel Moscow and leave ol' Fry Face the dirtiest, lewdest, most fucked up message possible!" Dutch spat out some of his coffee, Benny's typing suddenly just stopped, and Rock's pupils shrunk to the size of pins. "But, she wasn't there." Rock let out a sigh of relief, not realizing Revy was pausing for dramatic/comedic effect. "So, I told you to leave a message when it went to her answering machine…and you did!"

"Why the fuck would you let me do that, Revy!?" exclaimed Rock.

"Why the fuck wouldn't I?" she asked, clearly not understanding his question. Or not caring, most likely the latter.

"Oh my god!" exclaimed Rock. "Do you think that's what the call was about!?"

"Most likely," chuckled Revy. "Bet she's super fuckin' pissed at you!"

"You're not helping, Revy!" he exclaimed.

"I'm not tryin' to," she replied, again nonchalantly, cigarette dangling from her mouth.

"Someone from Hotel Moscow is coming by any minute to get me!" exclaimed Rock.

"Relax, Rock," Dutch said, getting up and patting his employee on the shoulder. "I'm sure it's not about that. Balalaika gets a lot of messages, chances are yours is buried amongst hundreds, if not thousands of messages. Hell, she's probably so busy with paperwork, she hasn't even had time to listen to them."

"You're just softening the blow, Dutchy," scoffed Revy.

"Shut the fuck up, Revy," Dutch said calmly. "Look, she isn't without a sense of humor. It'll be obvious you were drunk, and even more obvious that Revy put you up to it."

"Hey!" screamed Revy. "Don't throw me under the fuckin' bus with this dipshit!"

"Point is," continued Dutch. "Don't panic. Just stay calm, don't let her see you're afraid." Revy laughed at that remark. From outside they could hear a car horn.

"There's your hearse, Rocky Baby," chuckled Revy. Rock let out a huge gulp and made his way outside. Revy took her attention towards Dutch and Benny. "Don't know what's up your asses, this is the fuckin' funniest thing to happen in a good while."

The drive over to Hotel Moscow was a quiet one. Rock didn't bother trying to make conversation with the random driver. As the car stopped in front of the building, Rock felt an impending doom upon him. He let out a huge sigh as the driver walked him into the building. He was greeted by Boris, stoic as usual. "Privetstvija, Rock."

"Hello, Boris," he answered timidly, following him to the elevator. Like the car ride, the elevator ride was no different. Boris merely glanced over at the former salaryman every few moments, as if he knew what was going to happen to him. The doors dinged open as they were now on the top floor of Hotel Moscow. Rock and Boris walked to the office doors of Balalaika's office, Boris opened the door and motioned Rock to go inside. As Rock went in, Boris stayed outside, closing the door, Rock could swear he heard the door lock…

AN: New fanfic! WOOT! Don't worry, my other fic(s) will still be updated. Inspiration struck me for another fic.

Dobroe utro = Good morning

Do svidanija = Goodbye

Privetstvija = Greetings