Chapter Thirty-Seven
Anne tried hard not to stutter as she looked the other woman in her eyes to answer. "I believe he did not think it was worthy of writing to you about. It was over as quickly as it began. On the surface. For appearance's sake, Frederick had moved on and thought nothing of the Miss Anne of Kellynch. It was only later he confessed he had never forgotten me."
"And you Anne, did you have a friend, someone you could confess this to? To talk with about your heart ache, to be there for you when you thought all was lost? To encourage you to not give up?"
"No." Anne murmured startled at the questions. "There were only two of my family who were aware, and they were the ones whose advice I acted upon to part us. I could not go to them with my heart ache and woe. I had no one. I spoke to Edward occasionally, but I could not speak to him of feelings I had for your brother when I had been the one who caused them."
"Oh Anne." Sophie wiped at her own eyes. "You have suffered so needlessly. I wish my brother had told me, but not to chastise you or him, but to urge him to go back for you, to fight for you. Had I been here and known of this, I would have gone to you myself." She shook her head. "All that time wasted. All that heart ache and suffering on both of your parts, and now it lingers with you still. You came here desperate to confess your sin, to have me forgive you for your past transgressions, when there is nothing to forgive." She threw up her hands. "You were so young! You acted upon the advice of others; you did not know my brother well enough to know that he would support you to whatever end. You did know about us; his extended family, or how no matter what future should befall Frederick, you would have family to take care of you. You would never be alone. It troubles me greatly that I was not able to offer that comfort. Believe me now when I say I am glad you told me, fore I know now how strong the bond is between the pair of you."
She sat back in her chair smiling once more. "You remind me of the Admiral and myself. For he was not always an Admiral, and having lost my parents, I had to take that risk knowing at the time I had nowhere to go should it not work out. Alas I was lucky, he is the best of men, and I have never been happier than when I am with him. And you shall be the same way with my brother I have no doubt."
"Then, you are not angry with me?"
"Angry? No not at all. Only with myself that we may not have been there to help you both. But we are here now, and we will help where we can. You have the licences and permission for you to travel on the Laconia?" Anne nodded. "What about the wedding breakfast?"
"It will only be small, a select few, you will be invited of course. It will be in my home Kellynch Hall. The day after the wedding, we shall be on the Laconia."
"And what about the wedding night?"
Anne felt herself blush. "Excuse me?"
"The wedding night. Where shall you spend that?"
"Oh! Frederick said we shall stop at an Inn on the way to Plymouth."
Sophie chucked at her friend's distress. "Do not worry my dear, I will not discuss with you what should befall you on your wedding night, your husband is my brother, and it is … awkward to say the least! Unless of course you have no one with which to discuss the particulars, no one to stand in for your beloved ma'ma."
"No, no, I do have someone thank you. My God Mother. She will also be helping me with my trousseau."
Sophia nodded. "So, what can I do for you?"
"I need advice," Anne burst out. "About life on ship for a woman. I will have a maid but there will only be us two. I am not sure as a Captain's wife what I am expected to do. I do not wish to embarrass Frederick, the Captain, in anyway. And lastly packing, specifically for sea, what I will need, what I should leave behind."
Sophie smiled widely. "That my dear, I can help you with."
The now fast friends spent the next two hours giggling and chatting away until Frederick could be parted from Anne no longer and begged they join them for a stroll.
After a sumptuous afternoon tea served in the gardens the happy party returned to the house and this time as one sat in the larger of the sitting rooms. Edward selected a book and sitting near the window distanced himself from the others. He doubted he had much to contribute when conversation turned to married life and the Navy. He knew very little about either. Although he wished one day to be as happy as his brother and sister and meet his own other half, at the present he was more concerned with acquiring a decent living.
Admiral Croft had begun to regale Anne with stories of Sophie and his times aboard the different ships he had commanded and where they had travelled to. Anne listened avidly and wished she had her pocketbook with her in which to take notes. She felt she was learning so much. Above all she felt comfortable and part of something she had been missing for a while. She realised somewhat sadly it was the feeling of family, belonging. Love.
While they talked, Frederick drew the attention of his sister. Anne had discreetly mentioned to him earlier she had confessed all to Sophie and Frederick longed to know what Sophie really thought and felt. He could not bear for her to appear friendly towards Anne when deep down she was against the match. His sister only chuckled at his discomfort and immediately put him at ease by relaying some of what she had told Anne. She wished only that she could have been there in the year six, to offer assistance on both sides. She had only known Anne a short while and already knew she fit in their family well. Like she was always meant to be there. She only hoped their brother Edward could be as happy in his future marriage as themselves. Frederick heartily agreed and breathed a sigh of relief that so far, everything was going ahead as planned.
"Anne has spoken to me of her concerns for life as a Captains wife." Sophie went on to tell him.
The Captains back straightened. "What? What concerns?" Frederick could not help but look over at Anne now laughing openly at one of the Admirals poor jokes.
Sophia reached out and placed a hand atop her younger siblings. "Calm yourself brother, it is nothing as bad as you are imagining. She is only worried she will embarrass you by doing something out of place, or that is not allowed. She does not know the rules of a ship, how you run your crew, the way she should interact with them, if at all. How should she dress, should she stay out of the way while you are commanding? Things you would never think of, and yet for a young lady living on dry land all her life, who had never set foot on a Man O'War or a Frigate before last week, very sensible concerns."
"She could never embarrass me, and I shall be with her to instruct and inform where necessary."
Sophie held in a grin at her brother's words. "All the time? You shall have a ship and crew to Captain. You will not be hovering over your wife constantly, no matter how much you should wish it!" Sophie chuckled. "Anne will, for much of the time, be left to her own devices. Believe me, I have been in her shoes. And I was prepared. For I had a brother already in the Navy telling me tales of life on a ship long before the Admiral took me with him as his wife. For what it is worth," she paused looking over at Anne. "She is clever, quick witted. She asked the right questions, and I could tell she understood the answers. She is no spoilt young lady who is used to be waited on hand and foot, even if her life dictates it. I have no doubt she will do well. She will become as knowledgeable of the Laconia and all its crew as you, and I have no doubt her sweet disposition shall enamour the men and they will be honoured to be in her presence."
"As the Admiral's men are with you, Sophie." Frederick grinned back.
Sophie patted his arm. "Flattery will get you nowhere little brother."
They stayed the night with the Crofts but by morning were on their way back to Kellynch where the happy couple would be parted for the first time since their engagement. Anne would stay behind to secure the last-minute additions to her trousseau and oversee the final wedding preparations. Frederick would travel to Plymouth to view the Laconia and to collect the special licence which would be waiting for him. He would not return until Saturday, where he would spend the night before the wedding at his brothers. Lady Russel had shocked all by arranging a small intimate dinner for the wedding party at the Lodge the night before the ceremony, a going away dinner for Anne as they would not be long in attendance at the wedding breakfast, before they would have to leave for Plymouth.
So it was, they found themselves amid an emotional goodbye one gloomy morning. As was their way, Anne had chosen to take an early walk alone along a familiar path, into a familiar clearing and there she met with a familiar face.
"Miss Anne, fancy seeing you here this morning."
While Frederick attempted to remain cheery for the sake of his fiancée, Anne could do nothing to hide her torment. She was doing her best to hold back tears. "I feel so silly." She confessed. "It will only be a few days until I see you again, and then after the wedding we shall never be parted again, and yet I can't bear the thought of waking up tomorrow and you being so far away."
Frederick removed his coat laying it on the tree trunk where they liked to sit and gestured for her to sit down, he was becoming dizzy from watching her pace back and forth. She sat and frowned at him. "How can you be so calm?"
"I am not as calm as you would believe Anne, I will miss you greatly while I am away. I have grown accustomed to seeing your beautiful face every day." Anne blushed and tried to look away, but he held her face lightly and brought it back around to meet his gaze. "I can see I am going to have to tell you repeatedly how lovely you are until you finally believe me. For you are lovely, and beautiful and sweet and many more endearments I am saving for when we are married."
"Frederick! Such flattery is unnecessary."
He rolled his eyes. "In answer to your question Anne, I am calm because I know a few days of discomfort at being away from each other is nothing when you think of the lifetime we shall spend together. That just in a few days' time, we shall start and end every day together. That we may eat our meals together alone, walk amongst the towns alone, travel in a carriage unchaperoned. That I should kiss you whenever I want." To cement his words, he leaned over and kissed her chastely on her lips. "That I may laugh with you, read with you, talk with you, all without the need for permission or witness."
Anne smiled at last. "When you put it like that, a few days apart does sound like nothing at all. Though I shall still miss you greatly."
"And I you."
"The next time I see you shall be the night before the wedding."
Frederick's smile widened. "What is it?" Anne enquired of him.
"Every time you say the word wedding or marriage, it just makes me smile. Despite all the misery, the longing, we have made it here and we shall be married. You shall be my wife."
"And you, my husband. Captain Wentworth."
"Captain and Mrs Wentworth."
Anne giggled and Frederick realised she was doing it more and more of late, she seemed to have finally let go, she was free and … happy.
They shared another kiss and held hands. "Have you heard from Harville or Benwick with regard to the Laconia?" Anne asked.
"Yes, they tell me she is faring well, the crew nearly have her ready. The final supplies should be arriving tomorrow. Most of the men are already settled on board. They were also very forthcoming about the Captain's rooms and how the improvements are coming along."
Anne shook her head. "Improvements? But your rooms seemed fine when we saw them."
"Fine, but not fine enough for a Captain and his new bride."
"But Frederick, I should not-"
"I know Anne, you should not wish to be the cause of any extra work and believe me, you are not. Harville and Benwick are handling it themselves. The rooms, plus the one for Nancy, will be ready for when we arrive."
Anne squeezed his hand. "I confess the nerves are beginning to dissipate and the excitement for our new life is overtaking them."
"As they should. I promise you Anne we will be happy, but I want you to know that if at any time you are unhappy with life on the Laconia, if it is not what you imagined and you wish to be set back on land, I will do so at our earliest convenience. I would not have you suffer."
"To be without you, would be the only suffering I could not endure. I am not worried about living on the Laconia. I shall be with you and that is enough. If I can start and end everyday with you, I believe I shall be the happiest of wives."
The church bell chimed, and they knew they must part. Frederick could not help but take her in his arms as they stood and hold her to him. Kissing her a final time and promising her his time away from her would not be in vain.
Two hours later they said their goodbyes formally in front of Kellynch with Lady Russel looking on. Frederick bowed over her outstretched hand and bestowed a kiss on her wrist. As he climbed on his horse and took off at speed, so as not to add to the impossibility of leaving, Anne was left behind feeling bereft. She thought about how it should be if they were ever parted after they were married, either by war or by her needing to remain at home and she prayed it should never happen. Her god mother, although sympathetic to her plight, could not understand, she had never loved so fiercely. Never ached at being parted from the one who made her whole. Anne could do nothing now but occupy her time and mind with other things until his return. She hoped for both their sakes the time passed quickly. For four days was no time at all. Having spent so long wishing time would still, she now wished with all her might, the next four days to speed past so that could be reunited again.
As it was, Anne did not have to wait long until something happened which should occupy hers and everyone at Kellynch's thoughts, if for a little while at least.
"Father!" Elizabeth shrieked, almost running into the parlour that afternoon. "A letter. An express from London. From our cousin Mr Elliot!" She waved the piece of parchment about excitedly.
"Elliot?" Anne watched as her father left his usual spot by the looking glass, and rushed over to his eldest daughter, reaching for the paper in her outstretched hand. Mary sat up straight from her lazy position upon the chaise. Her father now read avidly, his expression seemingly to change with every word. "He sends his apologies for not attending us last summer." He read while the sisters squealed in delight. "He thanks us for his invitation to Anne's upcoming nuptials."
Anne's attention was garnered at this. "You invited him to our wedding? I barely remember him, and he has not met the Captain at all. I thought we had said close friends and family only?" But she was ignored as they read on.
"He will be attending! Pleased to see us all. He will bring with him news."
"Father what news?" asked Elizabeth, almost combusting at the thought of the heir apparent's return to the family home he would one day call his own.
Anne rolled her eyes. So much attention on someone who had given them so little. It was only last year her father would not have his name mentioned in the house, he was so aggrieved, now it seems they were inviting him to her wedding. Anne smiled to herself as she thought of her wedding day once more. She longed to go upstairs and stare at the new dress which just that afternoon had been delivered from the modiste, alterations made and ready to be worn on her special day. Yet here she was, listening to her family's excitement at the return of someone who thought so poorly of them he didn't even bother to attend the several times he was invited the previous summer.
"We can only presume he plans to settle down and comes to meet his cousins!" said their father enthusiastically.
Anne frowned, she doubted that was why he chose now to come to see them. But, not knowing him well, she could not think of any other reason and remained quiet. "Should I let Lady Russel know to expect one extra guest for the dinner party?" she asked tentatively.
"No! I think not. We cannot have our cousin sitting with sailors and clergy men!" Anne cringed at her father's blatant disregard for her new family. "No, he will dine here. I will obviously have to stay behind with our guest."
"And I, father." Elizabeth rushed. Their father nodding in agreeance.
"But-" Anne began, and then stopped herself. Although she should be embarrassed her family would not join them for her farewell dinner, choosing instead to spend it with someone they barely knew, she could not help but feel relief that she should not have to be so on edge, wondering who they would insult with their barbed comments. "Very well." She said finally. "I shall inform Lady Russel you shall not be attending." She looked to Mary half expecting her to say she too wished to stay. It looked as though Mary was having her own internal battle with her choice. "Mary?"
"I shall come to the dinner party." she announced. Anne realised she had already set her sights on Charles Musgrove, and they all knew Cousin Elliot was meant for Elizabeth. It was pointless for her to be there.
Anne smiled and left to call on Lady Russel, pleased of a reason to make her escape.