I do not own Mulan.
"Mother?" Kai called, stifling a yawn as he entered the kitchen. He'd woken up later than usual; he and his friends had gone out exploring the nearby countryside last night, and upon finding an impressive cave, had stayed there for hours, eating the dinner they'd packed. Kai had gotten in trouble when he came home, of course, but surprisingly, the scolding didn't have its usual negative effect on him. He prided himself on the fact that he was growing more and more disconnected from his family's strong opinions and feelings on his growing independence.
There was a bowl of rice porridge on the kitchen table - presumably for him - but nobody was in the kitchen, which was strange. His mother was usually preparing meals or looking out the window into the garden.
As Kai approached the bowl, he could see out the window that Holea was sitting on the bench next to the koi pond, embroidering a sash. Kai pulled open the door leading out to the garden and stepped outside. "Holea, where's Mother?"
"She went out," Holea responded. She didn't even look up from her work to make eye contact, which was Kai's first clue that something was up. The second was the secretive smirk that tweaked the corners of her mouth. Kai hated many of Holea's expressions, but that smirk was the worst. It was so entitled. She was always "in the know", her mother's number-one confidant. She'd be informed of things that were dropped suddenly in Kai's lap or - worse yet - that he was never actually told of and simply had to infer on his own. Irritation simmered in his chest.
"Where'd she go?" He didn't bother to hide his snappish tone. Holea always knew when he was annoyed anyway, so he might as well let it show. Holea's ability to keep perfectly calm when he couldn't was a constant source of envy. Even if he didn't completely capitulate to his turbulent emotions, his family could always tell what he was feeling.
She shrugged delicately. That was the last piece of the puzzle that Kai needed to know that she was lying. She always knew where their mother was if she wasn't with her, and it couldn't be anything good if his mother and sister were conspiring to hide it from him...
Sudden realization hit Kai with a sickening sensation. If there was somewhere that his mother would go and wouldn't want Kai to know about, it would be the Fa's house. She would be confronting them about him and Daiyu, probably making up some story to put Daiyu in the wrong. "Did she go see the Fa family?"
"Nobody said that," Holea said. She said in the way that Kai hated the most - like he was just a stupid, petulant child about to throw a temper tantrum and she was merely obligated to placate him. She knew he hated it. Now Kai was more than distantly vexed; he was angry.
"You didn't have to," he retorted. "You are my sister, you know. As unfortunate as that might be." The minute he said it, he desperately wished he hadn't. Holea flinched. He usually never resorted to insults when they got into arguments, and whenever he did, it made him feel guilty afterwards.
But Holea had already smoothed any sign of hurt from her face into an expression of complacence. "Don't get angry, Kai," she reprimanded. "It shows a weakness of character if you can't control your temper."
Didn't he know it. He was only reminded every single time he dare get slightly annoyed. Kai leaned against a tree and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not angry," he lied. "It's just that you can't lie to me. I know Mother's there, probably screaming her head off because I said Daiyu was pretty."
Holea dropped her needlework in her lap with an exasperated sigh, attempting to re-adopt that condescending tone of voice. Instead of being merely weary, however, her words were sharper, angrier. Her façade was cracking. "You don't understand, Kai, you just don't understand. You're too young."
"I do understand! I understand that this stupid family just wants me to follow their stupid rules! Well, guess what? I'm done with the rules! I'm tired of having everything I need to do constantly dictated to me!" As soon as he finished, his anger was inexplicably replaced with a violent desire to cry. His shoulders dropped. He sniffled and swallowed his tears.
"They're just trying to make it better for us, Kai." Gone was Holea's semblance of apathy; her voice had turned into a genuine plea. "They want us to have good lives and not to have to build them from the ground like they did. You know life was hard for them when they were young."
He did know. Occasionally, when feeling melancholic or wanting to drive home some sort of lesson, their parents would share snippets of their childhood troubles. His father's parents had died when he was barely a boy and he'd been forced to find work wherever he could before joining the army; his mother had been part of a once-prominent family that had fallen from grace. Kai's parents had drilled it into their heads that everything they did - everything - was for their children, and Kai was sick of it. Maybe he was selfish or spoiled, but he was through with having everything done for him. He was tired of carrying around the never-ceasing burden of having to be "good" so that his parents didn't scold him. He was restless to get out and do something real, not just ride up the social ladder on his parents' coattails. "I'm going to leave, Holea," he told her evenly, still fighting tears. "I don't care what they say. I am leaving this town and I am going to do something real."
She sighed again, tears springing to her eyes. "Why are you so stupid? Why are you so stubborn, Kai? You could ruin our family that way. You could ruin yourself that way. You could get yourself killed!"
"Or I could live. I could make it. I want the choice."
"You know if the Huns invade China you may never get the chance."
Kai closed his eyes. He'd managed to push those fears out of his head for a while, but Holea's words were a pointed reminder. Everything he'd just said now seemed weak and pale against the greater issue, and that made him bitter again. "I know," he said sharply.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."
Kai wanted to kick himself when he saw the tear tracing its way down her face. Of course she'd be just as scared as he was. Her father was also gone, maybe killed. Her future was also on the line if the imperial army couldn't stop the Huns. They were both part of the same stupid family that they both loved. He sat next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. She was trembling. "I'm sorry," he said, gently squeezing her shoulders.
To his utter surprise, Holea turned and buried her face into his shoulder. She gripped his arm with surprising strength in her slim fingers, shoulders heaving as she began to cry. Her sobs were loud and raw and messy. This was the most discomposed he'd ever seen her. "What if he doesn't come back?" she wailed. She inhaled violently and wetly, breaking into cries again.
Crying girls were Kai's weakness. If he'd been awkward around a teary Daiyu, his sister completely breaking down was a whole other level of discomfort. She so rarely let herself show emotion, sometimes he didn't even believe she felt it.
Regardless of all that, he was still her brother. He hugged her tightly and rubbed her back. "He'll come back," he murmured, even though he had no way of knowing. He honestly didn't even believe it, but he couldn't tell her that. He just sat with her, massaging circles into her back. "Shh, shh. He'll come back. He'll come back. We'll be fine. We'll all be fine."
Their mother arrived later that afternoon, an full basket of produce on her arm to disguise her true mission. Kai decided not to press it at the moment. "Look at those lovely cherry blossoms," she said, pointing at them as she finished setting the table for dinner. "Come eat, children."
Holea was also acting as if she hadn't broken down earlier. After her crying session she'd rushed back to her room to freshen up. When she'd come out, Kai couldn't even tell that she'd been crying. She and her mother gossiped about this and that and the other, laughing snidely and making comments such as "the poor dear" or "I feel terrible for him", when really they didn't mean any such thing.
Kai wasn't angry anymore. The bitter, red-hot outrage had smoldered and then cooled to rock-hard resolve. "I know you were at the Fa house today," he said casually, taking a bite of his rice.
His mother, who'd been invested in pouring the tea, looked sharply at Holea, who shook her head ever-so-slightly. "Why would you say that, dear?" she asked. "You know we don't associate with such lowly families."
"You did today. You wanted to talk with Fa Li about me and Daiyu, right?"
His mother gasped and spluttered. Kai suddenly realized, with relish, that he was the one in control of this conversation. It was a good feeling, especially since he was usually the one at the other end. He made sure to betray no emotion as he sipped his tea, waiting for his mother to respond. "Mother?"
"You're right," she said finally. "I did. I suppose we haven't really had a serious conversation about your future with Bao; your father and I just assumed that you knew your duty."
"Bao's not in my future. I'm not staying in this village. I'm going to enlist and travel all across China. Then, when I'm done, I'm going to settle down far, far away, where you and Father won't be ruling my life."
His mother's brows drew together. "Lin Kai," she said dangerously, "if you go off by yourself, you need to understand that your father and I will not protect or support you."
"I was counting on it."
"However," she continued, "consider what would happen if you actually stayed here, Kai." The tone of her voice was a strange mingling of wheedling and commanding. "You would inherit all the wealth and honor that your father and I have slaved to build for you and your sister. You would master your father's craft - which would make you even wealthier, Kai. The rich are all looking for beautiful jade jewelry and ornaments. And you would marry Bao, who is beautiful, rich, pleasant, and comes from an honorable family. You would have beautiful, healthy children together. You would be happy. Are you not content with that?"
"No," Kai said frankly. "I'm not. There's no use in arguing. I don't want to fight with you, or with Father if he comes back."
"Don't say that!" Holea hissed. "He is coming back!"
Kai ignored her; they'd had their feelings out to each other earlier. "I'm going to do what I want to do. I don't want to be in you and Father's shadow anymore. You can plead all you want, but that's that."
His mother glowered at him, and Holea pursed her lips together in disapproval, but nobody said anything. In fact, silence prevailed for the rest of their meal. As he contemplated the discussion they'd just had, Kai could not shake an unsettling feeling of discontent. He couldn't stop thinking about Daiyu, either.
Hello readers (if there are any of you left). No apologies for really spaced-out updates - there's really nothing I could say to make up for it, other than life's been crazy between last chapter and this one. No promises to update this more continually either, although I certainly will try. Thank you so much Jean for being a constant inspiration and digital pen pal. I hope you enjoy this chapter; this is for you!