A/N: This started as a one-shot and it became a fanfiction of more than 51k words. It took me some time to finish it and thanks to my beta for the support and promptness in editing it for me. Flashbacks are in Italics.
RATING: M for sexual references
SUMMARY: It's a sort of re-interpretation of the events at the end of Season 2 and throughout Season 3 with a Faberry centric perspective and some rewritten scenes.
All the small things you do
Part 1
She spots her at her locker, probably freshly showered after another early cheerio practice, but she doesn't show any sign of fatigue and her look is perfect as usual.
"When was the last time you had a conversation?" Kurt catches her off-guard and she ends up slamming the locker door in her hand, hard. "Ouch."
"Damn it, Kurt." She shakes her aching hand and brings the knuckles to her mouth, to blow some air on them.
"So, when was it?" He watches the familiar cheerleader walk down the hallway, head high and parting the crowd with the same aura of confidence. She looks like her usual self, but he had caught it. He has caught the side-eyed glance their way and the longing in her eyes.
"After Sectionals. But you already know that, don't you?" She shoulders her bag and looks around, waiting for a slushie to be thrown at her any moment now but the coast
is clear.
"I feel offended on her behalf. Do you think she'd revert to her old self just because you…" He trails off.
"Because we are on a break?" She lowers her voice, even if it is no secret that something has happened between them. Something that they had kept to themselves and shared with a close circle of people.
"How long do you think you're going to be apart? You don't have many months left and you're going to New York…" He walks with her.
"Don't you think I don't know, Kurt? Do you think I am happy with the current turn of events but she's…she's so frustrating and enough is enough." She whispers angrily.
"Rachel…" He tries but she just holds her hand up, not wanting to hear him any further. "We'll be late for class if we don't hurry up."
"Not that Miss Horowitz will even notice that." She rolls her eyes at him and follows inside their first class together.
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"You don't belong here, Rachel." She says with a broken voice and tears swelling in her eyes. "And you can't hate me for helping to send you on your way."
Rachel can only shake her head in denial. She doesn't accept it. She doesn't accept it's over. "I'm not gonna give up on Finn. It's not over between us."
"Yes, it is!" It's time for her to raise her voice. She is frustrated. She is angry. She is sad because she knows that this is not what Rachel needs or deserves. She deserves more than Finn and Lima. It's frustrating and infuriating.
"You're so frustrating." She wants to say more. She wants to tell her the truth. She wants to tell everything but she stops. "And that's why you can't write a good song because you live in this school girl fantasy of life." She can imagine it. She can see it and the anger becomes more and more. "Rachel, if you keep looking for that happy ending, you're never going to get it right." She is so close to slap some sense into her but she takes a step back, to go back to sitting behind the piano and get some work done.
"And what about you?" Rachel stops her from going too far.
"Excuse me?" Quinn turns around, facing her.
"Do you think you're going to get it right? By marrying a guy you clearly don't love just to keep him away from me?" She takes a step forward. "By becoming just another real estate agent in this small town? That's you getting it right?"
"I…"
"You don't belong here, Quinn, but no one has ever cared enough to tell you that you're more than Lima or a life you think you deserve, because you made a mistake last year." She stands so close that she can see how deep Rachel's eyes are. So close to falling into the depth of her beautiful eyes.
"I don't deserve anything more than this. I am just…" She swallows hard and looks away.
"You're a lot more than that." She reaches for her clenched fists. "We're both more than what we thought we deserved. We're more than getting stuck here in Lima." With one last squeeze, she turns on her heels and walks away, leaving Quinn to her erratic thoughts.
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"Do you need a ride home?" Sam finds her sitting on the bleachers, looking at the football field to catch the last minutes of the Cheerio practice.
"How did you find me? I thought you had football practice." Rachel looks at the boy, who sits beside her, dropping his gym bag to the floor.
"You weren't in the auditorium practicing, so I thought you could be here. Old habits die hard, am I right?" He pushes his hair back and follows her gaze. He follows the movements of a familiar blonde cheerleader, who is being thrown in the air, rolling her body.
"God." She holds her hand over her chest when Quinn is caught and she is not lying on the ground, unconscious.
"I could never be as brave as her." He pats her back reassuringly.
"You don't have to worry about me, Samuel. Lima public transportation is an amenable and reliable system and the 89 bus will drop me a block away from home." She looks at him.
"I do worry when someone we both know will kick my ass for letting you take the bus. We can leave whenever they're done, unless you need to practice more?" He stretches his legs.
"I can talk to Quinn and explain that she can't go threatening our friends into driving me around. It's not your duty." She huffs.
"It's a temporary thing, until…" He looks over at the field. "When are you two going to fix this, Rachel? You're clearly not over her."
"Is that so obvious?" She sighs and looks away when Quinn turns to look at them, having spotted them.
"I think it's normal, you know? It's hard to get over someone like her." He sends her a soft smile.
"Talking from experience? You're still harboring feelings for Quinn? I'd totally understand if you did." She catches a glimpse of the blonde cheerleader, as she starts running laps around the field.
"No, I'm definitely over her but it wasn't easy. Ultimately, I knew it would never work and I stopped getting my hopes up." He shrugs. "We're better off as friends."
"Do you think it's the same for us? I mean…we tried to make it work but she's got so many walls and…" She drops her head between her hands. "I didn't expect her to be fully open about our relationship, but not even holding hands or sitting together at lunch? Santana and Brittany do that all the time."
"I know, but try to see her point of view? She grew up thinking what you're having was wrong and she just got a decent relationship with her Mom back. Maybe, she just doesn't know how to be open without risking it all?" He rubs between her shoulders.
"But I can't deal with this on my own, okay? I need to talk it out and not just…" She tries to push away the images of their more intimate moments together. It was easy to deal with that, without talking. Without opening up.
"Let me take you home. It's getting dark and colder here…" He offers her a hand to stand and, retrieving his bag, he climbs his way up the bleachers with the brunette in tow.
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"Hello, Quinn." She opens the door, still in her workout clothes, but it seems the blonde cheerleader is in a similar situation.
"I was in the neighborhood and I thought I could drop by." She fixes her ponytail, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her left ear.
"Do you want to come in for a glass of iced tea? I just made it." She steps aside when the blonde girl nods and crosses her threshold. "How often do you go jogging? I think it's the first time I see you in my neighborhood."
"I've been doing it regularly since the summer before 9th grade. My parents were willing to pay for the nose job, but the weight loss was solely onto me. It was the quicker way to do it on my own and find an excuse to leave my 'perfect' family behind." She stands by the kitchen counter, showing off her toned forearms as she leans on them.
"I don't really understand how your parents could even pay for you to change so much. My Daddies were furious about the idea of getting a nose job." She pours them two glasses and drops a couple of straws in them.
"That's because your parents love you, Rachel." Quinn chuckles bitterly, taking a first sip from the cold drink. "Peach? That's my favorite."
"It's my favorite too." Rachel smiles over the rim of her glass. "Why do you keep doing it then? You're in perfect shape and I don't think I've ever seen someone training as hard as you do on the field."
"Cheerio training is pretty intense but I'm never really alone, you know? When I run on my own, it's me and my thoughts. It's the only moment I can focus on myself." She looks up at her. "But I'm obviously interrupting your workout session. What were you up to?"
"Me? I've been doing these online yoga classes." She looks away shyly. "I know it's not anything remotely challenging like running suicides and doing push-ups with one hand but…"
"I'm not going to judge." She raises her hands in surrender. "Sounds relaxing. Does that help calm the storm?"
"The storm?" She is puzzled now.
"Well, yeah. Sometimes, I wonder how you really do it." Quinn finishes her glass. "Between Glee, the debate club and all your extra-school activities. You're like a volcano with all the energy bottling inside ready to explode. You go from one thing to another without stopping and with the same enthusiasm. It amazes me."
"I'm not sure I should feel flattered over that comparison, really." Rachel looks down at the empty glass.
"I mean well, really, but I know it's hard to believe me with all the things going on between us." Quinn checks her wristwatch and taps something on its screen. "I should get going, my Mom is expecting me for lunch." She straightens her pose and heads for the door. "Thank you for the drink."
"You're coming tonight?" Rachel walks after her before she can make it to the door. "To Mike's party."
"I should be there, yeah." She fixes her ponytail, looking at herself through the mirror at the entrance. "And Finn should too, if you're interested in that."
"Oh, of course. You're going together." The brunette crosses her arms over her chest and leans against the archway between the kitchen and the foyer.
"Just as the Head-Cheerleader and the Quarterback, but nothing more than that." Quinn opens the front door. "I'll see you later, Rachel." Slipping her earbuds back on, she jogs down her driveway and back on the street, taking off back from where she has come through.
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"Rachel! It tastes like pink!" Brittany almost tackles her to the ground as soon as she walks through the door of the house that, for size, is probably only second to Quinn's one. Same neighborhood though.
"Brittany! Let me down!" She is being twirled around, in the middle of the foyer, under everyone else's eyes that seemed not to care at all, though. "How many drinks did you have?"
"3 or 4? Puck keeps getting me a refill." She points to the guy behind the counter, filling up glasses for everyone.
"You should eat something with that Britt. Ask Santana to grab you a slice of cake or maybe some chips." She looks around for the Latina cheerleader, but she is nowhere to be found.
"She's out of town until tomorrow." Brittany looks down, almost defeated. "Will you keep me company? We're both alone, right?" She looks at the brunette girl.
"Yeah, we kind of are. Go sit over there and I'll grab you something to eat." She nods to the empty spot on the couch and heads towards the refreshment table, to get her something.
"My Jew princess. What can I get ya?" Puck has a red cup ready. "Beer? Gin Tonic? Vodka? I've got some fine wine coolers too."
"Why don't you grab some of those wine coolers and go take a walk, Puck?" Quinn's voice is stern and angry enough to make his smirk drop. "Now!"
"Whatever, Quinn. Not my fault you're no longer getting laid." He winks at Rachel, hands full with beers and some other bottles, and just leaves the kitchen area to do as instructed.
"I was handling that fine, Quinn." Rachel ignores her and just walks to one of the cupboards, to search for food.
"The chips are in the cupboard above your head." The blonde cheerleader leans against the doorway watching her. "But if you want something more effective, you should make her a sandwich with peanut butter and bacon."
"Bacon?" She stutters at the thought of cooking some poor piglet.
"Nevermind, I'll do it." She grabs the bacon pack from the fridge and heads to the stoves, putting a smaller pan on it to heat. "Can you take care of the peanut butter part?"
"Yeah. that I can do." She stands by her left side, having recovered the missing ingredients, and starts spreading some Peanut Butter on the bread slices. "Crusts on or
off?"
"On." Quinn flips the bacon with a movement of her wrist.
"I didn't expect to see you tonight." Rachel looks down at the sandwich.
"Brittany's my friend and with Santana out of town, I was asked to keep an eye on her." She takes the plate and cuts the bacon slices in pieces on it, spreading the crumbs
all over. "What about you?"
"She invited me a few weeks ago when…" The words get caught in her throat.
"You can say it, you know?" She chuckles sadly. "When we were still together." Quinn wipes her hands on a kitchen rack. "Can you bring this to Brittany?"
"Sure." Rachel watches her head for the back door. "You don't have to leave. We can…I think we are capable of being civil for a night, without having to ruin this party for everyone."
"I am not leaving, Rachel. I just want to get some fresh air." Quinn opens it and lets the night breeze in.
"I thought you were going to quit, Quinn." She sighs, shaking her head.
"I thought you'd fight for us." With that said, she walks out of the back door slamming it behind her back.
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"Looking for Finn? I think I saw him playing beer pong with Puck and some of the football guys in the basement." Tina spots her standing by the window looking out at the backyard.
"Yeah, I caught him briefly but I wasn't looking for him." She keeps her eyes on the familiar group of girls, standing by the pool nursing their own drinks.
"They're not going to pull some prank on you. I think Mike had a chat with Quinn and she gave her word." Tina looks between her friend and Quinn, who is still unaware they're both watching her from afar. "But you're not worried about that, are you?"
"Have you ever wondered what feels like being one of them?" She cannot hear their conversation, but one thing is for sure: Quinn would rather be anywhere but there. "We all want to be like them, but what's the price to pay?"
"They're pretty and popular and they can get pretty much anything they want, by batting their eyelashes or snapping their fingers. One day she wants Finn and Sam and then Finn again and then? She breaks up with him for no reason apparently." Tina shrugs her shoulders. "I know Finn is not a perfect boyfriend-"
"Wait, she broke up with Finn? When?" Rachel turns to look at her.
"A couple of days ago. She didn't cause a big scene or anything, but he was pretty dumbfounded about it. They were supposed to run for prom together, that's all she could talk about." She finishes her drink. "Do you think she cheated on him with Puck again?"
"Can you excuse me, Tina?" She opens the patio door open and marches up towards the group of cheerleaders, who stop talking as soon as they notice her approaching.
"Manhands, where do you think you're going?" Isobel, one of the seniors, steps in front of her to block her path.
"Drop it, Graham." Quinn calls out from behind. "Give us a moment."
"But Quinn…" One of the other cheerleaders tries to reason with her, but it takes Quinn one last glance for them to head back to the house, defeated.
"When were you going to tell me that you and Finn broke up?" Rachel steps forward, just a couple of feet away from the blonde.
"When did it become your business, Rachel?" Quinn raises an eyebrow at her. "Are you here to ask my permission to make a pass on him? I gotta say, it's a step-up from the last time."
"Your permission? I don't owe you anything." She scoffs.
"Yet, you're here asking me about him when he's just downstairs, playing some stupid drinking game with his friends. Do you want him? Go and get him." She rolls her eyes at her.
"Why did you break up with him? I thought you wanted to marry him and build a house with a white picket fence together." She takes a step forward.
"I changed my mind." Quinn turns around to walk away.
"Why?" Rachel circles around the lounge chair and steps in her way, blocking her path.
"God, you're so frustrating. Has anyone told you that?" Quinn searches her handbag for something, but she cannot find what she's looking for. "Perfect. Just perfect."
"Yes, you told me a few days ago." She nods.
"Well, I'll say it again. You're so frustrating and I need a smoke or I am going to throw you in that pool." She points to the water.
"You smoke? Since when? Do you know how dangerous it is? It can seriously damage your vocal chords." She grabs her phone. "I can list you more than 30 reasons why you should quit."
"Oh my God, stay out of my damn business!" Quinn yells at her.
"Sorry. I was…you're right." She storms out, fighting the tears pooling in her eyes as she walks away from Quinn.
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"Quinn…we've got a situation." Sam finds her sitting on the porch steps that lead to the backyard, twirling a cigarette around like a drumstick.
"Can you or Mike handle it? I am just gonna go home." She dusts the front of her uniform and throws the cigarette back in its pack.
"Quinn, it's Rachel." Sam urges her on and as soon as that name escapes his lips, she pushes her way back into the house with a mix of rage and worry.
"Quinn, I swear to God it's not my fault. I don't know who gave that spiked drink to her…" Puck is the first to be pinned against the nearest wall, with his back slamming hard on it.
"You better find that scumbag by the time the party's over, Noah, or I'll make your life a living hell." She slams her palm beside his head. "Where is she?"
"My Mom's room." He nods upstairs, sighing in relief when the cheerleader rushes towards the bedroom zone and sets him free.
Quinn takes two steps at a time, hurrying down the hallway to the last door on the right, barging through the closed door expecting the worst. Mercedes and Tina are leaning against the closed bathroom door, trying to get it open.
"How is she? Did anyone hurt her?" Quinn is out of breath. Her mind is running all over the place, jumping from one scenario to the other. From bad to worse.
"No, she felt sick after an hour or so and she locked herself in there." Tina shakes her head.
"Rach, hun. Open up." Mercedes tries again, knocking on it. "We just want to help."
"Go away." Her voice is weak from the other side of the door. "Leave me alone…agh." She moans in disgust.
"Can you fetch me some water and something dry? Crackers or some bread. Anything." Quinn nods to the two girls, who just follow her instructions and leave them alone. "Rach?" She knocks gently.
"Quinn?" Rachel hugs the toilet seat with both arms. "Quinn, go away." She whimpers.
"No. I am not going anywhere." She tries to twist the doorknob but it is locked from the inside. "Let me in so I can help you."
"No." She whimpers. The last person she wants to be seen by is her ex-girlfriend. Her perfect ex-girlfriend who doesn't need to see her at her worst.
"Rach, please." Quinn slaps her hand on the door. "I'm worried, okay? Let me take a look and then, I'll ask Tina and 'Cedes to be with you."
"Okay." Rachel crawls across the floor and unlocks the door, before rushing back to the toilet making it just in time.
"Damn it." Quinn rushes to her side, pulling her hair back as she keeps on spitting the alcohol out. "Let it go, okay?"
"I hate throwing up." Rachel leans heavily against the toilet and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.
"I know, babe." Quinn grabs a fresh towel from under the sink and wets it with some water, before using it to dab at her sweaty face.
"I feel disgusting." Rachel leans in her touch, closing her eyes.
"You still look beautiful to me." She kneels behind the brunette, who just leans back into her. "Do you want to go try and lay down?"
"No, can we stay here?" The back of her head rests against Quinn's shoulder, who sits on the floor and just takes her weight with ease.
"We're not going anywhere." She keeps her hold on the brunette, who finally relaxes in her arms, and nuzzles her nose against her temple.
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"Hey." Quinn finds her sitting in the choir room, even if Glee has been canceled for that day.
"Hello, Quinn." She stops practicing scales and just turns around on the piano bench to look at her.
"I thought you had gone home, since your car is not in the parking lot." She drops her gym bag to the floor and stretches her neck from side to side.
"My Daddy drove me. Is there anything you really need or should we keep going with this shallow and pointless conversation?" She huffs. "I've got a song to write and Regionals are next week."
"Do you need a hand? We were supposed to write it together, after all." Quinn approaches the piano and takes a seat beside the brunette.
"And that worked out pretty well, didn't it?" Rachel turns around to face the piano.
"I think I owe you an apology for that but, in my own defense, it kind of went sour when you brought Finn up. We can't seem to have a civil conversation when he's involved." She lowers her fingers on the keyboard, checking the music sheet before her eyes.
"Just like yesterday night." Rachel watches her fingers move over the keyboard with expertise, following the music she has written.
"Did you write this?" Quinn furrows her brows when one of the bridges sounds off, so she grabs the pencil on the piano to highlight it.
"Yes, why?" She gulps, expecting the worst. She is expecting to be judged for her original song.
"Do you have the lyrics or is it just music?" Quinn looks at her.
"It's the first verse and the chorus, but it's not the final version yet." She nods.
"Sing it." Quinn goes back from the beginning, familiarizing with the music.
"What?" She is confused.
"Let's hear it. You said it yourself. We've got less than a week and we're not ready yet, so let's work on it." She straightens her pose. "Or do you want to lose?"
"Rachel Berry always aims for success, Quinn. You should know by now." She cracks her knuckles and clears her throat. "From the top!"
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"Coming." Quinn pauses the movie and just pads barefoot across the living room to get to the door. Checking the peephole, she is kind of surprised to see who is on her doorstep.
"Hello, Quinn." Rachel is standing under her porch light, with a summer dress that could have been stolen from her side of her closet, and a white cardigan over her shoulders.
"Hi." She leans against the open door, crossing her ankles.
"Is it a bad moment? If you're having dinner with your Mom, I can always come back another day." She tucks her hands inside the front pockets of her dress.
"My Mom is visiting her sister in Jersey, so it's me and a frozen pizza in the oven." She steps aside to let the brunette in. "Do you want something to drink?"
"I'm fine, really." Rachel slips her sandals off and follows the blonde in the open kitchen. "You could have gotten a better pizza at Enzo's."
"I haven't been there in a while." She checks the pizza in the oven and grabs a couple of sodas from the fridge. "Here." She hands Rachel one and takes a sip from hers.
"You don't like it anymore?" She takes a small sip.
"You know why, Rach." She looks away briefly. "What brings you to my house this fine evening? I thought you'd be home resting after last Friday."
"Actually, that's why I am here." She sits the can on the counter. "I wanted to personally thank you for having taken care of me. You didn't have to."
"Don't mention it. I am just glad they found you in time." Quinn sits her own can down. "I don't know how guys could even think of spiking girls' drinks, but what should we expect from Puck?"
"Finn told me they gave that guy a lesson. He was from a different school and just sneaked into the party to have his 'fun'." She looks at her. "You didn't have to sit with me on that bathroom floor."
"You would have done the same in my place." Quinn pushes herself off the counter to drop the can in the trash under the sink. "I know how much you hate being sick and…and I didn't want to leave you alone."
"You remembered?" Rachel tilts her head to look at her. "I don't even remember when I brought it up and you still remember that?"
"I remember everything about you." Quinn leans against the counter. "How did the audition go?"
"My audition?" She takes a step back.
"You didn't audition for the school musical? I thought West Side Story was a favorite of yours. I lost count of how many times you forced me to watch it." She chuckles softly.
"I didn't force you into anything, but it's not my fault you were easily persuaded into caving in." She rolls her eyes at her.
"Your bargain methods are close to being illegal and you know it." She throws a grape at her, hitting the side of her head. "So, how did it go?"
"Mercedes told you, why are you asking me?" She checks the clock above the back door. "I should go, it's getting late."
"Rachel…" Quinn chases after her, catching her by the hand before she can open the front door. "I don't know anything, that's why I am asking you."
"Everyone's mad at me." She looks at their laced fingers. "I didn't know Mercedes was auditioning when I signed up for it. They all think I did it to prove I am better but I just want to act and sing and this will look good on my resume. West Side Story is my favorite musical after Funny Girl and who doesn't dream of playing Maria?" She rambles without taking a breath.
"Did you get the part?" She brushes her thumb over the back of her hand.
"Yeah, I did and Mercedes is supposed to be my understudy but she is never going to accept that. Should I turn it down?" She leans against the front door. "Do you think I should just give up on it? Be honest."
"Mercedes is good, Rachel. She's probably one of the most talented singers I know…" With her free hand, she tilts the brunette's chin upwards. "But you? Where do I even start with you? You're one of a kind and hearing you sing is such a privilege."
"Quinn…" Her fingers slip through Quinn's.
"She's good, but you're better. There's no one like you, Rachel, and if they can't see it, it's their problem." She looks down in her eyes.
Rachel is speechless. She is at a loss of words. She is at loss because her heart is beating so fast that it could jump out of her chest to find solace into the hands it belongs to. Into Quinn's hands.
There are no words to describe it, so she does the only thing that makes some kind of sense.
So, she just leans up and kisses her…
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"Quinn?" She finds her at the back of the bus, with a nose stuck in a book and earbuds on, isolating from the rest of the group who is half asleep on their way back from Regionals. "Quinn?" She leans over to touch her shoulder, since she hasn't been heard.
"Rachel, hey." She drops the earbuds around her neck and tilts her head to look at her. "Are we there?"
"I think we've got a couple of hours still. May I sit with you?" She nods to the empty seat.
"Be my guest." She drops her bag to the floor and leans back in the seat. "I thought you liked riding in the front."
"Finn snores too loudly and I am not even sitting with him." She chuckles. "Where did Mercedes go? I thought she was sitting with you."
"She was in the mood for talking. Kurt and Tina's ears were more responsive than mine." She is the one chuckling. "After an evening like ours, I just need some time on my own to relax."
"And this is how you do it?" She takes a look at the hard cover. "Reading War and Peace? I think we all hated going through it."
"I like Classics. My GrandFather had this huge collection and I used to spend hours locked away in his home library." She slips the bookmark between the pages and closes it. "They loved your song."
"Our song." Rachel leans back to look outside the window. It is too dark to see anything more than cars passing by.
"Right, my artistic contribution was crucial." Quinn shakes her head with a smile.
"I'm not kidding you, Quinn Fabray. Your input was as valuable as mine. If we hadn't had that heartfelt conversation in the auditorium and then reviewed the melody and corrected some of the bridges, maybe we wouldn't be here."
"Here as in sitting in the back of this bus?" She raises an eyebrow at her.
"I'm trying to have a real conversation with you and you can't take me seriously. You know what? I shall go back to my seat." She stands to walk back down to the front, but someone else is occupying her seat. Someone is, actually, sprawled across the seats, sleeping.
"I think someone may have stolen that." Quinn stands just to assess the situation. "I don't think you want to wake Santana up, do you?"
"No, I certainly want to see another sunrise." She drops back in the seat beside the blonde. "I don't even have my iPod with me or my neck pillow."
"Well, for the iPod you can take mine." She takes it out of her pocket and hands it to the brunette. "I don't expect you to like what I listen to, but it's better than no music at all."
"I have to agree with you." She scrolls through the playlists, settling for some Motown. "My neck is going to be as stiff as a surfboard tomorrow." She rolls her head from side to side.
"Do you want to lean over?" Quinn sits fully back and lifts the armrest between them. "We should try and catch some sleep."
"What about your book? I kind of bugged you and you lost any interest in it." She pushes her seat back to align with her blonde teammate.
"I wasn't going to read for the whole trip, so you're fine." She reaches for the lights above their heads and just turns them off. "Now, keep quiet…" She nudges her when Rachel's cheek rests against her shoulder.
"Fine." She huffs and curls on her side. With Quinn's music in her ear and her shoulder to lean on, the remaining hours of their journey don't seem too long after all.
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"Mm, where did you go?" Quinn whimpers grumpily when the bed dips under someone else's weight and the colder air of the night hits her, under the covers.
"Bathroom break." Rachel curls on her side and slips an arm over her waist, snuggling back under her chin. "The bell pepper taste in my mouth was bugging me."
"Did you hear me complain when I had my tongue down your throat?" Her left hand slips under the night shirt the brunette has borrowed, to caress the small of her back.
"I said it was bugging me, Quinn." She bumps her nose against the underside of her jawline. "You washed your teeth before coming to bed."
"Alright, you're done moving around now?" Quinn looks down at her.
"How could I forget Grumpy Quinn?" She tilts her head back and taps her finger against the tip of Quinn's nose. "Boop."
"You didn't!" She tries to bite onto that finger as she taps her nose again. "Rachel!"
"Oh, Scary Quinn!" She laughs and does it again, but she is not quick enough to escape the blonde as she is rolled over, with her hands pinned down.
"You want to see Scary Quinn?" She hovers her on her fours.
"Maybe…" Never missing the eye contact, she laces their fingers against the mattress. "Kiss me." She whispers and she doesn't have to wonder if Quinn has heard her, because she leans down soon after she says it.
"Your wish is my command, Miss Berry." Her mouth covers hers, pressing their lips together as she stretches on top of her.
"Mm." Freeing her hands, she brings one to the back of her head and the other tangles itself in her blonde hair, tugging as they kiss.
"Can you sleep over? I'll take you home to change before my cheerio practice." She says between the kisses that grow hungrier. "We can just sleep."
"Quinn…" She sighs when her lips trail down her neck, sucking just below her pulse. With each nip, she bucks her hips upwards only to be pushed back down, with the same opposite movement.
"Rachel…" She pulls from her neck to rest their foreheads together. "I am not asking for anything more than just sleeping. Sleeping together, side by side."
"No." She shakes her head and bumps their noses together. "Can we cuddle like the old times? I want to fall asleep with your arms around me."
"Anything you want." Quinn pecks her trembling lips and when she is rolled backwards, it is to have Rachel draping herself over her front, tucked back under her chin. "You okay?" She holds her a little tighter.
"I don't want this night to be over." She hides her face against her collarbone, fisting her shirt with her hand.
"Rach…" Quinn strokes along her back. "Nothing has changed for me, you know that right?"
"So hasn't for me." She nods against her neck. "But it's still us and you're not ready to come out and I know I should be more understanding. But I miss you okay? I miss you holding me and being with me, when it's not just us anymore."
"I know, I miss you too." She kisses her forehead softly. "And I am sorry I can't be braver."
"I don't like feeling like I am the same loser when we leave this room. I don't expect you to kiss me in the middle of the hallways but…" She looks up at her. "Everyone in Glee knows and no one cares."
"They are our friends. No one is going to bully or spread things about us." She sighs. "Rach, I just got my Mom back and I don't know how she'd handle this. I can't lose her."
"But you can lose me?" She extricates herself from the circle of her arms and sits up, with her back to the blonde.
"Rachel…" Quinn sits up behind her.
"Say it. Say it, Quinn." She slips out of bed. "I'm a big girl and I can handle it. You'd rather choose your Mom over me, even if it means losing one of the best things in your perfect and empty life!" She shouts.
"Do you think I don't know that, Rachel?" Quinn kneels in the middle of her bed. "Do you think I really don't know why I am risking it all? But I am asking you for some more time, Rachel."
"Why? What does a week or a month change for us? You're not ready to be seen with me now nor in a month or ever. You're still going to keep me at a distance, like we don't have feelings for each other. Like we don't mean a thing for one another and that kills me!" She looks around for her clothes. "It kills me to see you so far when I know the real you! It kills me because when we're alone, you're everything I have ever wanted."
"Rachel, wait…" Quinn slips out of bed and stops her from fetching her clothes.
"No. I don't want to wait to get more heartbroken the next time you'll ignore me in the hallway, because I will be the same loser that is not worthy of your attention." She wipes her cheeks angrily.
"That's not why I keep myself at a distance and you know it." Quinn shakes her head.
"Even when it's us from the Glee club, it's like there are all these walls around you. You stiffen when I hold your hand." She looks at her. "You never reach out to me. You never initiate anything when it's not just us. Are you ashamed of me?"
"God no, I am not ashamed of you or us." She takes a step forward and Rachel takes one back. "Rachel, I have feelings for you and you know that."
"Do I?" She chuckles bitterly. "Then why can't you say those three words when I am wide awake? Why do you have to whisper them when I'm asleep like it's a dirty secret?"
"How do you know I said them if you were asleep?" She crosses her arms around herself.
"How can I expect you to confess this to your mother if you're not able to accept it yourself?" She puts her dress back on and slips her cardigan on.
"That's not true." She straightens her pose.
"Say it, then." Rachel walks up to her. "Say it, Quinn."
"Rachel…" Quinn reaches for her hands, but Rachel pulls back.
"This was a mistake." She shakes her head and wipes her cheek angrily. "I should have never kissed you earlier."
"Rachel, no. Let's talk about it okay?" She tries again, but Rachel holds her hands up to stop her from going any closer.
"We should forget about this…" She turns around. "Forget about me, Quinn, This is never going to work and the sooner we see it, the better it will be."
"I can't." She covers the distance left and hugs her from behind. "This isn't over, Rachel. It's not over between us."
The silence she gets from the brunette is as heartbreaking as the words that are caught in her throat and that she has no courage to say.
She holds onto her as long as she is allowed to because, deep down, she knows the moment she lets go, the brunette will walk away without looking back.
She knows the moment she lets go, it will be really over…
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She sees her coming out of the function, having stayed with Coach Sylvester the longest time.
She has seen her sitting by her and comforting her like Sue was family and not just the ruthless Cheerleader coach that didn't care for her team.
She has watched Quinn taking in with the same leadership that she shows every day, ruling the school and being the Head Cheerleader.
"Rachel, you're coming to Breadstix with us?" Mercedes nods to Kurt's Suv in the parking lot.
"I…you go, I'll join you guys later." She hugs Mercedes quickly, just to catch up with Quinn on her way to her red car.
"Rachel, can I talk to you?" Finn intercepts her, but she just sidesteps him. "Rachel!"
"Later, Finn. I can't right now…" She is glad Quinn has stopped to talk with Father James. It has given her time to slow down, straighten her black dress and walk up to her without looking like a maniac in heels. "Quinn?"
"I'll see you on Sunday, Father." Quinn bids her farewell and heads her way, as soon as she sees her. "Rachel, hi."
"Hello." She stands there, in the middle of the parking lot.
"I thought you had left with everyone else or do you need a ride?" She nods to her car.
"Yes. No." She shakes her head. "Actually, I wanted to have a moment with you. We didn't have the chance to talk much since we came back…"
"Yes, we've been both pretty busy and with Jean passing, I had to take over some of Coach's duties on the field." She unlocks her car. "But if you're not in a rush, we can grab a coffee or something. Unless you have other plans." She nods to someone behind them.
"With whom?" She turns just to see Finn standing there, looking at them with obvious interest. "Finn is not on my schedule today."
"Jump in, then." Quinn gets behind the wheel and waits for the brunette to slip in the passenger seat, to start the car and pull from the parking lot. "What's going on between you two?"
"Between me and Finn?" She looks over at Quinn as she drives. "We're just friends."
"For now…" She stops at a red light.
"Forever, Quinn. It took me some time and some serious thinking to realize Finn and I will never work as a couple." Playing with her hands in her lap, she goes on. "We are aiming for different things in life and I don't need some anchor to keep me grounded. I need someone to take a leap with."
"That sounds very profound. How did Finn take that?" She turns to the right.
"I really didn't discuss that with him just yet. You're the first person I talked to." She looks around. "Shouldn't we go to the mall?"
"Do you mind if we just take two cups to go and go sit somewhere else? I'd rather sit outside than in some mall full of people." She makes a turn towards the Starbucks place on Main Street.
"It's fine by me, Quinn." She reaches in her purse for her wallet when Quinn parks just in front of it.
"Don't worry, it's on me. What would you like?" Quinn has already her seatbelt off.
"Anything you get, but vegan friendly." Rachel nods with a smile.
"Coming right up." Slipping out of the seat, she watches Quinn walk into the coffee shop.
And in that moment, she realizes she finds it so hard to keep her eyes off her…
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"Hobbit!" Santana barges through the door of the bathroom on the third floor and she jumps back, to protect her nose.
"Not the nose! Anything but the nose!" She keeps her face hidden behind her elbow.
"Oh for Christ's sake, I am not going to hit you even if it would probably give me lots of pleasure." She turns the locks on and leans against it. "What the fuck happened between you and Tubbers?"
"Geez, Santana. Why can't you use our names? How can I take you seriously if you keep insulting us?" She leans back against the sinks.
"Alright, then. What the fuck did you do to Quinn?" She pushes herself off the door and marches up to her. "I come back to see her walking around these hallways looking
like one of those dumb zombies from The Walking Dead. I know it has something to do with you."
"It's none of your business, Santana." She tries to walk past her, but the brunette cheerleader grabs her by the waist and pins her back against the wall, hands on each side of her head.
"It's my business when you hurt my Captain." She looks at her. "What did you do? Please, tell me you're not going to give Finnept another chance or I am gonna go Lima Heights on your ass."
"Finn? Do you think all of our problems are because of Finn?" She slips from under her arms. "Why don't you ask Quinn, huh? Why do you think I hurt her when it's the other way around?"
"What did she do?" She looks at her puzzled.
"What she didn't do, you mean? Do you know why we broke up in the first place? Do you know what it feels like to walk two feet behind someone that means the world to you?" She is the one shouting. "Do you know what it feels like trying to catch their eyes but they look through you like you're not even there? Oh right, you don't. You're just like her!"
"But she is not ignoring you, Berry. That girl has eyes only for you."
"You know, Santana, that's my problem. I know Quinn. I know the real Quinn and I know what she's capable of." She sniffs. "I know what she feels like when she holds me or when she looks at me and I miss her. I miss Quinn when it's not just us anymore and she's right there!"
"You know what she's like and where she comes from, Rachel. Her parents fucked her up and I would be too, if I had been raised by Russell and Judy." She nods. "I don't think they've ever hugged or let her know they even loved her. Quinn has been on her own for a long time."
"She's not alone anymore, though. She has you and Brittany and 'Cedes." She grabs a paper tissue to wipe her cheeks.
"And she has you." She reaches for it and dabs at her cheek with another tissue. "You mean the world to her, even if she can't show it the way you'd want her to, but she knows she has you.."
"What do I do, Santana?" She looks down at her feet.
"Give her more time. It's all she needs…" Santana pulls her in a hug and rubs her back slowly. She just hopes she's right.
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"How did you know about this spot?" It has taken them some extra steps to walk up to this hill but, once they have reached it, the sight before their eyes has repaid them of all the efforts to get there.
"I just found it when I was jogging. I kept going up and down this hill when I needed to lose my weight after Beth." She leans against the wooden bench and looks over at the city in front of them. "It's not Los Angeles or New York, but it's still good enough."
"It's beautiful." Rachel takes a sip from her vegan caramel macchiato. "Have you seen her? Since…"
"Shelby sends some pictures from time to time, but I haven't seen her since that night." Quinn looks up at the sky above their heads.
"I shouldn't have brought that up." Rachel realizes her mistake. "So, I know this isn't the most appropriate moment to bring it up but are you ready for prom? You're still running for it, right?"
"I am, yes. What about you?" She looks at her. "Finn has asked you to Prom?"
"Oh, no. We haven't talked in a long time." She tucks some hair behind her ear. "That ship has long sailed."
"And he doesn't know yet." Quinn sips from her coffee. "He's not going to give up on you, now that he can't have you. It's always been like that with him."
"Are you sure you don't want him back? You've been together for so long and I…I really would understand if you wanted to give it another try." She looks anywhere but at her.
"Let me say that a second ship has long sailed and he's not on it." She chuckles.
"You knew her well?" She turns to look at the blonde. "Sue's sister."
"We all go to the same Church, so I've known them since we moved here. She has been my sister's Coach when she was a cheerleader. Well, Head Cheerleader."
"Your sister was the head cheerleader before you? What is she like?" She angles herself to look at Quinn.
"Frannie? She's the perfect daughter my parents wanted me to be. Naturally athletic, slim, blonde with deep blue eyes and a perfect nose and smile. She was born to be a leader. She ruled McKinley like I will never be able to." She looks down at her cup. "Not that I want to be like her."
"Where is she now?"
"Last I heard from her, she's engaged to some pompous bimbo from Harvard or Princeton. I don't really remember." She shrugs. "My mom was all fussed about that and I can only imagine how Russell is liking that."
"Is he back? I mean…you're all living together again?" She finishes her cup.
"No, my Mom kept the house after he was caught with a tattoo artist from Cleveland. They got a divorce and he is sending money for us." She does the same and places it beside her, on the bench.
"Oh. I see." She nods softly. "Do you miss him? I know he wasn't the best of Dads but still…"
"No. I don't." She leans back to look at her. "But it's okay, we never had anything in common and I just wasted too much time trying to please him"
"And how is it going with your Mother? You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. I know I can be noisy and I talk too much or ask inappropriate questions." She plays with her hands in her lap. "We can sit here, quietly."
"Rachel, it's fine." She reaches for her hands and covers it with her palm. "We're okay. She has gone back to work as a real estate agent and we tolerate each other. She had to choose between a daughter who got pregnant at 16 and a cheating husband. She really didn't have many options."
"Don't say that. She loves you." She turns her palm upwards to hold onto Quinn's hand. "She was there when you had Beth."
"And we haven't talked about that since then." She shakes her head. "We just like to hide the dust under the carpet. It's a Fabray's thing."
"Quinn…" She looks up at her.
"It's getting late, we should head back before it gets too dark to see on the way back." She stands, dusting her dress, and retrieves their empty cups.
"Thanks for taking me here." Rachel takes that moment to enjoy the view one more time.
"Anytime." She gives her a sincere smile that, to Rachel, looks almost as bright as all the city lights before her eyes.
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She is gathering her stuff from the improvised dressing room that has been made behind the stage and that feels no bigger than a janitor's closet.
She has everything in bag, with her costume hanging on the rack outside, when she finds herself face to face with Quinn.
"Quinn, you scared me!" She holds a hand over her chest.
"I am sorry, I was looking for you and Artie told me I could find you here." She holds a hand behind her back.
"I was about to leave, my Daddies are waiting outside. We're going out for dinner…" She tucks her hair behind her ear.
"Right, it's your tradition." She smiles knowingly. "I just wanted to give you these." Reaching behind her back she gets a bouquet of flowers.
"Gardenias." She takes them in awe.
"It's our thing or I like to think so." She tucks her hands in the pockets of her letterman.
"They're beautiful." She holds them to her chest. "You didn't have to. You watched the show?"
"I got here just in time to see the curtains open. I have never showered so quickly and I didn't have time to find a more appropriate outfit for your debut night." She looks down at her uniform.
"I thought the game was earlier though. Didn't the Titans lose again?" She checks her out and it is hard not to. That uniform looks like it was painted on Quinn.
"Yes, there were some recruiters though. They wanted to see us perform some additional numbers, so I had to stay behind." She smiles. "But I don't want to keep you. Your parents must be wondering where you are."
"Indeed, Miss Fabray." Leroy's voice comes from behind, surprising both girls.
"Dad. Stop it." She walks up to both and hands Hiram the flowers that Quinn has gotten her.
"Quinn, would you like to join us for dinner?" Hiram looks at the blonde girl, who has been staring at his daughter for the whole time. "We're going to Enzo's."
"It's a generous offer, but my Mom is waiting for me. Thank you." Quinn nods with a smile. "Your performance has been astounding, Rachel. You deserved that standing ovation at the end."
"Thank you, Quinn." She blushes under her sincere smile.
"Have a great dinner, Mr. and Dr. Berry." She waves them goodbye. "See you tomorrow, Rachel."
"Bye, Quinn." She watches her walk away and then looks at the flowers in her Daddy's hands.
"You should look it up, you know?" Hiram nods to the flowers. "Flowers' language might surprise you."
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She doesn't even know why she runs after her. They have all been dancing and having fun.
They have been all having a good time, when Finn decides to ruin it all with his absurd jealousy act.
It takes one moment to turn everything from good to worse. It takes one moment to turn Prom into an event they all want to forget about: Kurt, Dave, Finn,
Jesse and her.
Quinn.
Rachel doesn't think before acting. She doesn't think about the consequences of her actions and just takes off after her, holding onto her prom dress not to stumble on it with her heels.
For a brief moment, she wonders how Quinn can manage to run so fast on higher heels and a longer dress, but maybe she is just suited for it. More than anyone else.
She catches a glimpse of her blue dress before she disappears into the girls' bathroom and she dives in, almost bumping into a girl coming out of it.
"Quinn…" She sees her slumped against the sinks, looking down at her hands. "Quinn, I swear I didn't know he was going to do that."
"Leave me alone, Rachel." She sniffs and clenches her hands in fists, against the sink.
"Let me fix it okay? I can talk to them and-" She stops when the blonde marches up to her, backing her into the wall.
She closes her eyes, already imagining the sting of the slap against her face. Probably, a small part of her can even appreciate the drama of this whole situation. But it never comes.
"I'm so sorry." Quinn takes a step back, dropping the hand hovering in the air.
"It's okay, it's not your fault." Rachel releases a sigh she doesn't know she is even holding.
"I know you think it's hard to be you, Rachel." Quinn sniffs and leans with her back against the marble sink, with her palms on the counter. "At least, you don't have to be terrified all the time." Her voice trembles under the weight of her emotions.
"What are you so scared of?" She runs a square of paper towels under the warm water and reaches out, to hand it to Quinn.
"The future." She takes them and uses them to wipe her eyes and the skin underneath. "When all this is gone."
"Look, you have nothing to be scared of." She gets a fresh towel and runs it under some more water. "You're a very pretty girl, Quinn. Prettiest I've ever met." She takes a step closer. "But you're a lot more than that." She reaches up, brushing the tip of the wet towel under her eye, catching some make-up running trailing. "Here." She looks up, into her hazel eyes, stopping just for a moment to let that
sink in.
"Thank you." Quinn's fingers brush along her wrist to hold her hand there, just to nuzzle her face against her palm.
"Quinn…" Rachel's other hand covers Quinn's on the sink, lacing their fingers together.
When she tilts her head up, she has no time to imagine what kissing her would feel like because she is already acting on it. Their lips press together, for the softest of the kisses. Time stands still when their mouths press together, touching everywhere.
She is afraid to move and break the moment, but she can't help it. Her fingers drop to the back of Quinn's head, tilting it to kiss her fullier. Their lips part just to get a taste of each other, tongues brushing.
It's the first kiss that every girl dreams of. It's the first kiss that all movies should picture or all singers sing about.
It's the one.
"Quinn. What…" She pulls back to look at her, but she realizes her mistake when it's too late to stop it. To stop Quinn from slipping out of her arms, clearly freaking out. "Quinn, you need to calm down."
"I can't do this. I am sorry. I am so sorry." She is even quicker now. She storms out of the bathroom, leaving no sign of her presence. Nothing but the lingering taste of her strawberry lip-gloss on Rachel's lips.