Hello hello!
Tori: I think this chapter is one of my favourites in this story, their whole interactions in the hospital was one of the main reason why I decided to write this fic despite the silly premise.
Now, take your time with this and may I suggest to read privately?
Eventually, Cal emerged from the kitchen door declaring lunch was ready and Gillian joined him, standing still for a second as she took in the amount of food he had put on the table for only two people. She also noticed that he must have stopped for groceries at some point while she was in hospital, because she was pretty sure some of the items he had prepared had not been in her fridge and pantry when she had gone to work the day before. But it all looked delicious and she was starving, not to mention Cal was clearly holding his breath waiting for her seal of approval, so she sat down and immediately asked him to pass what looked like a rather intriguing potato salad.
They ate, making a big dent in Cal's culinary work with ease and taking their time, every now and then 'accidentally' dropping a bit to Milk who smartly laid under the table and quietly waited for the goodies to come his way. They spoke, mostly about nonsense and then inevitably about work, especially when Torres called Cal with a couple of updates on the cases she and Loker had been following while the bosses took care of Mr Brown's custody problem. Gillian was pleased about the call and the fact that Cal's protective instincts didn't go as far as cutting her out of that, not to mention that she always liked it when he had the opportunity to show that he was more than capable of running things in her absence despite all his huffing and puffing about not caring much about that part of the job.
Still, when it came to clearing the table and doing the dishes he was back to being stern about her taking it easy and banished her back to the couch, where she pouted for a bit and mumbled something to Milk about his unreasonable owner. However, when Cal was all done in the kitchen and walked into the living room with two steaming cups of tea he found her curled up on the couch, sleeping peacefully and snoring softly. He smiled and sighed, motioning Milk to follow him back to the kitchen and let her sleep, but the dog only moved when Cal put on his coat and showed him the leash.
He went outside, taking his time walking the dog and letting him have some runs after hours spent inside. He also needed a little time for himself, because so far that day had been a non-stop whirlwind of things happening to them and emotions that despite being out on the surface still had not been addressed properly. The night before he had barely gotten any sleep, laying in his bed staring at the ceiling for hours with Milk sleeping at his feet, holding onto the memories of the moments they had shared at the hospital. He had been truly and utterly honest with her: he had no idea where it came from, but it was also true that he had no intention to ignore it.
But he also hadn't wanted to push it, not until he had been sure that she felt the same way. After that morning at the hospital, after their botched first kiss, it seemed rather clear that she did but as good as things were going Cal would be lying to himself if he didn't recognise that something seemed to be missing from their earlier interaction. Not that he was worried…but then again, they had never been in a situation like that before and he didn't really know what would constitute reason to worry anyway.
When the flow of his thoughts started to be slowed down by the icy cold, Cal got Milk on the leash and walked back. Gillian was still asleep, now wrapped up in the blanket he had put on top of her before leaving, and Cal thought she looked too adorable to be woken up.
He went back into the kitchen with the intention of having another go at tea-making, and he was staring at the kettle about to boil when he heard her coming into the room. Cal turned around and grinned at her shy smile, as if she was trying to apologise for falling asleep while also recognising that his attention for her recovery might have been founded after all if she had so easily fallen asleep like that. Then he finished preparing the tea and offered her a mug, standing with his back on the fridge as she put the final touch of honey to her own beverage.
They were silent, still a nice and comfortable silence but not as much as the ones they've shared before, and after a while Cal sighed and welcomed her curious glance with a pained smirk of realisation.
"We lost it, didn't we?" He asked, his voice filled with sorrow and regret just before he tried to diminish his own feelings with a small shrug. "That moment, whatever it was…it's gone, isn't it?"
He was trying to take the bull by the horns, bringing out that statement before she could acknowledge the same but, being the hopeless romantic she was, would decide to ignore it and drag the farce along. Gillian could see all of it, because he was letting her and because he was pleading, begging her with that suffering look on his face to prove him wrong.
She looked down at the mug in her hand, at the cup of tea he had so kindly made for her, twice. Then took one last sip before putting the mug on the table and walking up to him, holding back a smirk when she noticed how he tensed and frowned, confused. But she carried on, coming close to him like they had been at the hospital, standing in front of him and very clearly, obnoxiously even, staring at his mouth for a few seconds before making the next move.
Next, first and last all at once.
She stepped closer, the outer layer of their clothes now touching, then kept her eyes locked on his and slowly put her left hand on his chest while the right one went after his face, touching his cheek first and then his lips. Her mouth followed nearly immediately, their lips touching like earlier at the hospital only this time she didn't stop there. This time, while her left hand surfed up to this neck and then the back of his head, caressing skin and hair with a soft touch, her tongue not so gently probed further and parted his lips initiating a kiss that Cal let her have ownership of for as long as he could resist. When he couldn't cope with just being a passive actor anymore he answered back in tone, fighting back the tongue intrusion with one of his own and gently holding her neck between his hands, stroking her skin with his thumbs as he kissed back.
The kiss deepened, slowly but not for this less passionate, and although they would never admit it to the other they were both bracing for Milk to come over and interrupt them again. When that didn't happen they became bolder, more eager, but still far from rushing the monumental moment. Gillian closed the last, incredibly small gap between them and it wasn't just clothes brushing anymore, but bodies decisively touching and pressing against each other as she gently pushed him with his back to the fridge. Cal changed the angle of the kiss, holding her left cheek in his hand while the other surfed down her shoulder until he found her hip and wrapped around her back, feeling a slight tickle when her fingers raked through his air.
It was then that he moaned softly, feeling her breasts gently pushing on his chest, and despite having more gas in the tank he had to break off the kiss needing to regain some kind of control. Panting, not really out of breath but simply overwhelmed, Cal didn't move his hands and looked at Gillian feeling lost and yet incredibly safe at the same time, especially when her eyes lit up with a smile and - dared he say - a touch of arousal. Still smiling, Gillian brushed his now swollen and wet lips again before leaning him to kiss him again, now holding onto his shoulders for dear life and clearly communicating that no, they had not lost anything.
When they broke apart again there was still no sense of urgency, sexual frenzy or frantic behaviour on sight: but that didn't mean that they were not ready for the next step.
Cal was holding her by her hips, absently nuzzling her face with his nose on his way to her mouth again, when he felt her take his right hand away from her waist. He didn't worry, she was moving too delicately and gently for him to, and simply watched with a mixture of admiration, hope and desire as she decisively took his hand and took a step back, motioning him to follow her.
They might have not been in a rush, but he wasn't going to have to be told twice. Hand in hand, walking slowly through the kitchen and living room, Gillian led the way to her bedroom. It was late enough in the day for it to be dark outside already and there was only a deem light in the room coming from the street's illumination, but when Cal motioned to go for the switch she quickly reached with her hand and stopped him. Instead she closed the door behind them as she heard Milk approaching, smiling at Cal's fierce nod of approval: the bloody dog might have played a part in getting them there, but they could take it from there.
They kissed again, finding each other with ease and with an increasing will to explore. Then Cal gently turned her around and helped the cardigan off of her shoulders, taking in the sight of the exposed skin on the back of her neck and shoulder. She had done her hair up a little, something he absolutely loved, and he couldn't resist the temptation to let his mouth run on that silky field while his hands travelled to the front. The second his lips touched her skin Gillian closed her eyes and went with it, moving her neck so he could manoeuvre better and reaching behind her with her right arm to keep contact of her own. Cal's ministration was incredibly delicate but not for this any less pleasant and she completely abandoned herself to it, even more when his hands parted ways with the left one stopping at her breasts and the right one travelling further down, surfing way past her hips and on to her thigh. At first he touched her through the fabric of her blouse, finding the round shapes underneath with the precision of a sniper, and Gillian found herself regretting that she was not wearing a skirt because she wanted to feel the same touch on her leg. Not that she could think straight, Cal's work was becoming increasingly distracting and she felt her own body sway in his hold as he went on for what felt like forever.
When he finally broke the garment barrier and dared to sneak his hand inside her top, groaning softly when he realised that she was not wearing a bra, Gillian started to feel the need to be more than just a spectator. Blindly but with purpose, she moved her left arm backwards and found a way in between their bodies, stroking him with admirable precision despite the awkward angle and stealing an animalistic grunt from him. She had been feeling him of course, anticipation growing every time he pushed into her, not to tease her or anything but simply because he couldn't help himself.
Even if she was lost in his actions, with one hand now gently fondling her breast and the other inching closer to the front of her yoga pants, Gillian wasn't ready to relinquish control. She was aware of the effect that he had on her, but she could also hear the skip in his breath and his little hisses of painful pleasure every time she stroked his full length trapped in the confine of his pants. It became a vicious cycle, in every sense: the more he touched and kissed, the faster she moved her hand and the more they both wanted out of the other.
Cal caved first, because as good as it was to be like that he definitely wanted the rest. Reluctantly, he eased his touches on her and spun her around again, guiding her to the nearby wall where he started kissing her, for the first time taking decisive control. Gillian gasped when she felt the light shift, and moaned into his mouth when his erection pressed into her crotch and made her head spin, then Cal went after her neck with his mouth while both his hands worked on the small buttons of her blouse. It was his time to gasp when the treasure underneath was revealed, and despite having spent a few good minutes touching them his hands seemed to hesitate as he stared at her breasts, gobsmacked by the sight of something that for the longest time he thought he'd never see.
Gillian blushed at the way he looked at her, she couldn't help it despite being very much at ease with her own body, and Cal smirked cheekily as if to say she shouldn't be surprised, but when he went back to kissing her she had recovered enough to know it was her turn. Her hands immediately got to it, keeping with the same efficient but not frantic pace they had been holding steady from the start. First she undid his pants, pressing her lap into his nearly free erection, but instead of touching him there Gillian took hold of his t-shirt and pulled it above his head. Even in the semi-darkness of the room she could see the lines of his chest, the sharp curve of his shoulders and even catch some glimpses of tattoos she was seeing for the first time; and she liked the look of it, so much so that like him she had to take a moment to admire it all before leaning forward. When her lips touched his skin, now sweaty and hot beyond his control, Cal moaned softly and closed his eyes, throwing his head back a little as he looked for support in the wall to hold him up as she kissed and caressed him randomly. For some reason, that simple ministration melted his brain into a puddle at least for a while, before he realised that he could not only enjoy but also reciprocate. He moved his hands only, hooking the yoga pants around her waist and pushing them past her hips, not failing to notice how smoothly they went, then grazed the front of her panties with his fingers. Gillian nearly yelped, she thought she had been ready for it but nothing could prepare her for that kind of contact, especially when Cal's left hand travelled behind her and cupped her ass with a playful squeeze.
With her mouth still on his chest Gillian couldn't help but chuckle, then stepped back from him and they shed the rest of their clothes where they stood. She wanted to take the last step, to guide him to the bed, but Cal held her on the spot for a moment and wrapped his arms around her, their naked bodies meeting for the first time with no barrier of sorts. Gilian closed her eyes and let him hold her, lull her in his arms, holding him close when he buried his face in the crock of her neck pulling her into a tight hug that for a moment felt more desperate than anything else.
She immediately knew what it was, that despite the fact that they were standing naked in her bedroom Cal was afraid that none of it was real, that she could change her mind at any moment or, much worse, go through with it and regret it later. Smiling to herself, feeling the powerful meaning of his unspoken fears, Gillian pulled back and forced him to look at her, to see on her face and feel on her body that, while understandable, those fears were unfounded. Years of reading - and sometimes not reading - each other came into fruition, with Cal scanning her face holding his breath until he was sure he didn't see what he thought he would, and it was all downhill from there.
He smiled back at her first, gentle and sweet, then grinned mischievously and swiftly picked her up in his arms to take her over to the bed. As he hovered over her, staring her down with intensity, Cal's face changed again and he got rid of the grin to replace it with the transfixed expression of someone who was about to see one of his biggest dreams coming true. Gillian sunk in the mattress under his delightful weight, relishing in the feeling of being trapped under him and eagerly responding when he leaned down to kiss her. That part, the kissing, they already had it down to a T, but in that new position it was definitely time for something else and with that realisation in mind, with Cal's mouth now busy on her breasts and his hand travelling down to her core, Gillian faced the need to come clear.
It wasn't easy, Cal's work on her breast was a whole other level of stimulation she had not fully anticipated, but what she had to say was important enough to push her. Cautiously, not wanting him to get the wrong impression before she'd had the chance to explain, Gillian took hold of him on the back of his head and pulled, ever so slightly but enough for a man with all his senses heightened to feel it clearly.
Cal immediately froze and looked at her, panicked, and Gillian rushed to kiss him as if to declare that he hadn't done anything wrong. He kissed back, desperate to please her in any way he could, and when they broke apart he held back, holding his breath and waiting to hear what she had to say. That was when Gillian blushed, still smiling for his benefit but burying her face in the crock of his neck and pulling him closer, sending so many mixed signals Cal didn't know what to think.
"I'm sorry, it's just-" The first two words nearly killed him, but then she went on and accompanied it with the incredibly soothing caress of her hands on his back, all the while doing her best to look at him and make him look at her. "It's been a while, for me."
Cal needed only a second to process her words and their meaning, but he took his sweet ass time to take in the way she looked as she spoke. The little touch of red on her cheeks was enough to throw him off, because in years of impromptu jokes and inappropriate behaviour he had never been able to make her blush like that and yet there she was, doing so on her own volition. Then there was the way she shared her confession, showing equal parts of shame - a rather cute form of shame in his opinion - and courage with something others might have decided to keep to themselves. It meant the world to Cal, he was worried enough as he was about pushing too fast and far, or God forbid find out that she was going along with it because she felt like she had to; to see her be so open about it, to communicate that she did indeed wanted it but still feeling that she could talk to him about something so personal and intimate… He had expected emotions to come into the picture at some point after their first proper kiss, but that was a whole lot, a bit sudden and certainly ahead of schedule.
But it also gave him the chance to let her know something he had honestly thought he'd never get to.
He smiled back at her, hoping not to come across as condescending but simply loving and understanding as he was feeling. Then he moved to shift some of his weight away from her, gently brushing her cheek with the back of his hand for a few seconds before bringing his mouth close to her ear to whisper with a voice filled with shame and regret
"Since it mattered…me too."
Giilian hadn't realised how much the lack of words had contributed to make that moment special until she had spoken, but that entire and brief exchange was incredibly meaningful and made it all feel even more real. Just a few words and the way they both physically seeked refuge and hiding in the other was all it took to erase months of misunderstandings, unexpressed feelings and missed opportunities.
She looked for him in the half-darkness, her hand telling him to come to her, and they kissed again. It was slow and sweet at first, but as the kiss deepened and the words they had just exchanged settled it became more urgent and passionate, going back to the track they had temporarily left. They didn't break apart for a while, at least until Cal's hand resumed its journey down to her body; he pulled back and kept his eyes on her, waiting for the small nod of approval when his fingers brushed her entrance. Once the sign came he leaned down to kiss her again, timing the intrusion of his tongue with another one, carefully waiting to pick up on any sign of discomfort. But that was the last thing Gillian felt as he found his way inside her, and from then on there were no more obstacles.
Cal took his time, because she might need it and because they both became quickly engrossed in the way she responded. He also wanted for her to call the shots and let him know when it was time to move forward, and he was more than happy with the way her body responded to him and how she kept moaning into his mouth at every little movement. In all honesty, he could have carried on just like that for hours and been content with it, even considering the tortuous friction of his member against her naked leg at every movement. Still, when Gillian's hand snuck in between them to take hold of him, he was also more than ready to comply.
He did so gently, for her and because he wanted to feel every second of it, begging her to keep her eyes locked with his as he slid inside her inch after inch. The feeling of being inside her, of them becoming one was beyond anything he had ever dared to imagine and they both had to stop to savour it as it should have been. But then it was Gillian the one who moved first, wrapping her legs and arms around him and pulling him closer, encouraging him to start.
It was the last barrier to Cal's caution and he hurled over it with ease, shifting slightly in between her legs before giving the first, slow, thrust. Gillian immediately gasped and clenched her hold around him, and Cal followed suit with a soft grunt feeling her core wrap around him in the same way. It was pure bliss, sweet abandonment and perdition and they both gave in to it with no hesitation. He kept a slow pace mostly, every now and then changing angle and speed whenever he wanted to kiss her or touch her more, feeling how she always adjusted and went along with it with no exception. It was all new, the two of them like that, and yet a few minutes into it it also felt familiarly easy.
They stayed on that exploring pace for a long time, rolling around in the bed and switching positions to try new ways of touching each other but without giving the hint that they wanted to get to the finish line. The journey was too good, too powerful to want to rush it anyway.
But passion was inevitable, even when being a slow burner, and when the kissing and groping and moaning started to intensified Cal abruptly stopped. Gillian let out a very audible groan of frustration and protest and opened her eyes, digging with her nails in his arms and trying to pull him down again, but she stopped when he saw the way he was looking at her. Since she had met him she had learned how to identify over 40 different expressions, human feelings that could be tracked on people's faces like paths on a map, but she had never encountered that look of pure and blunt love before. Cal smiled, catching his breath and glad that she was no longer panicked by the interruption, then kissed her lips softly and spoke.
"There's only so many first times we can get…"
It was all he said, in the most powerful whisper she had ever heard, then he came to rest his forehead on hers with his eyes closed and they both enjoyed the moment for a while. Eventually he pulled up again, stretching his arms to take his weight off of her as he resumed moving back and forth with much more decisive pace and strength.
He didn't look back after that and neither did she. They finally became frantic, eager, delightful, messy, using their hands and mouths in ways they had not tried before keeping up with the new pace and intensity. There weren't many words, only loud groans and moans and cries of pleasure, passionately screamed instructions and sweetly whispered names until the final explosion.
They both came undone, unable to stop moving or calling each other as they rode the wave together until they were completely spent. Finding an impossible strain of lucidity Cal tried to ease off of her but she immediately grabbed him tight, trapping his sweaty body where it was with no intention to let him go.
"Don't move," she pleaded with a voice broken by desire. "I like the way it feels."
Cal inhaled sharply, feeling how she contracted around him as he was still hard inside her, then relaxed on top of her and looked for her hand in the dark.
"I'm not going anywhere, love," he murmured, kissing her neck. "Not ever." He moved up a little, brushing his lips on her cheek before moving to the back of her ear. "Not if I can help it."
Even after years of him mostly showing off his rough exteriors, Gillian wasn't in the least bit surprised by the sweet and romantic displays coming her way. From the first moment they had met she had understood that he was a man in touch with his feelings, sometimes too much and not always in a healthy way, but he felt strongly and wasn't always able to hide it when it happened. She had no objection to that, certainly not in that moment with their bodies fused together and his voice softly lulling her through the aftermath, and frankly she didn't feel like moving anytime soon either.
An understandable resolution that was soon threatened by scratches and sad whines coming from the other side of the door.