Ayanna almost didn't believe the uni who called her. No way it was Elliot. He wasn't even working right now. He had made that very clear. There was absolutely no reason for someone to come after him. His cover stayed airtight, and she doubted the people he had been working with had had time to notice his absence yet. And then there was Liv… something else was going on. Something outside of his work at the OCCB.

The ER bustled with people, and was a bigger zoo than normal. The air buzzed around her, and she wondered what other crisis she unintentionally stepped into. She realized she didn't have the mental energy to find out, and all she really wanted was information on her detective. On her friend.

She approached the desk with purpose, but it was clear the staff was overwhelmed by the number of cases that suddenly flooded through the doors. She tried waving someone down, but it was almost a full minute before she could grab someone and demand attention. She flashed her badge, "My detective was admitted. Possible gunshot wounds." She kept her interaction concise.

"Name?" The receptionist asked quickly. "Elliot Stabler. I'm his CO. Ayanna Bell." She added the last bit, hoping to speed up the identification process.

The receptionist clicked through some screens, read through a chart, and then answered. "I don't have you listed on the file as any sort of emergency contact." Idiot. Stabler needed to update that list. "Shouldn't matter. As his CO I'm cleared for information regarding my detectives when injured in the line of duty."

The receptionist tried to cover her irritation, but she wasn't successful. "Look. I have the information on the screen. The NYPD provides us with limited access to an officer's information within the command structure, and you aren't listed here." The receptionist looked closer. "Actually no one is listed here…" she looked through the document again, but clearly shrugged it off as a clerical error. "Look. I'm sorry, but I can't release much information unless you're on the list, and you're not. You can contact someone about being left off his paperwork, but for now, all I can tell you is that he was admitted here, and they are working on repairing injuries sustained from two gunshot wounds." The receptionist took another quick glance at the computer screen. "I'm sending a contact request over to one of the nurses. They will call his emergency contacts. If you know them, you could ask them for updates." The receptionist tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it was ineffective since Ayanna wanted to smack the woman. Even if the clerical error was in no way her fault. Ayanna was about to ask who he had listed, but the sound of someone bellowing her name from across the room ripped her attention away.

"Ayanna!" Fin called from the other side of the ER. Once he barreled through the crowded room he asked, "What happened!?" He couldn't contain his exasperation, and Ayanna couldn't blame him, after all, his two closest friends had been gunned down, at random, only hours apart.

"I don't know much. They're freezing me out," Ayanna grimaced. "They said they needed to inform his emergency contacts, and the idiot did think of adding me to the list." She was pissed and scared and her damn eyes were watering, and she couldn't think of a good explanation for them beyond the obvious.

"Shit." Fin muttered. He glanced at the reception desk. "Shit." He said before shuffling to the nurse stand.

Ayanna followed closely behind him, "What Fin?" Something seemed wrong. More wrong than one of her detectives in surgery.

"I'm bettin Olivia is the first name on that contact list, and I'm not lettin a goddamn nurse tell her that her idiot…partner.." he coughed out, "got himself shot."

Ayanna knew Fin had worked with Olivia for decades, but for some reason she didn't expect this level of…she wasn't sure what to call it, maybe protectiveness? Loyalty? She had never seen Fin this agitated. Ever.

He stopped suddenly in front of her and she almost knocked into him. He spun quickly. Tell the nurse to call one of the girls. Liv can't come here anyway."

"Wait why?" She didn't understand the sudden change of plans.

He wasted no time pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Amanda is with her. I'm gonna give her a heads up and she can run some interference or whatever until we actually know what the hell's goin on."

Ayanna hurried to the nurses station, looking over her shoulder once to see Fin rattling off instructions to his former detective and friend.

-000-

Amanda convinced Liv to close her eyes and rest, but Amanda kept pacing the room. Something was wrong. Really wrong. If she knew anything about Stabler, it was that the man's heart beat for Olivia Benson. No way he would leave her here and not even call. Amanda was well aware of Elliot's history of abandonment, but she suspected there were complicated factors in that action, and he would never hurt Liv like that. Never again. At least she hoped so.

She nearly dropped her phone when it unexpectedly began buzzing in her hand. Fin. She stepped out into the hallway, and quickly answered. "What's going on Fin?" She hoped he knew something about Elliot's mysterious disappearance.

"Yeah, you with Liv?" An unsettling feeling crept into her gut at the tone of his voice.

"She's sleeping. I'm in the hall. Didn't want to wake her."

"K, good. Stabler's in surgery. He took two bullets standing outside some cafe or somethin'."

"F-ck," the curse word sort of slipped from her lips. "What the everloving hell is going on Fin? There's no f-ing way this isn't connected to Liv."

"I know I know," he agreed. "They're freezing us out over here until they speak with an emergency contact. I'm hoping Bell can convince 'em to call one of the girls."

"Good call," Amanda agreed. "She doesn't need this…"

"Nah." He agreed. "Just keep her phone away or somethin'. Just in case Bell can't convince the nurses to call one of the kids."

"On it." She agreed. "Keep me posted? I can't believe this is happening." Her stomach jerked, "He's gotta make it Fin. I don't know…" her thought tapered off.

"I know. She won't recover if that idiot doesn't figure out how to survive this." Fin finished the thought for her.

"Yeah," Amanda agreed.

"Call ya when I know somethin'." He said.

"Bye Fin."

She stood in the hallway staring at the now dark screen of her phone. She hesitated stepping back into the hospital room. Olivia wouldn't sleep for much longer, and the woman was so damn perceptive, she would immediately know something was up.

Amanda pushed the door open quietly. Luckily, Olivia's phone sat on the counter, and not on the bed. Amanda quickly snatched the device and slipped it into her pocket. She watched her friend breathing steadily despite her pain. "Damn it Stabler," she muttered aloud. Liv had always been impossibly resilient, but this. God. If she lost Stabler? Amanda wasn't sure how well Liv could bounce back from that.

-000-

Elliot spent much of his life wondering over heaven and hell. He tried to live the tenants of his faith, but he always worried his sinful nature would outweigh the good he tried to add to the world; after all, he was no saint. He had a temper. He hurt people. People he loved.

He became aware of searing pain, but he struggled to pinpoint the location of the sensation in his body. He knew the feeling of being shot. More than the average person. Maybe more than the average cop.

He tried ignoring it, but his mind wandered to some random places. At one point, his therapist wanted to discuss his tendency towards recklessness. She wanted to know why he threw his life around as if it meant nothing. Maybe he thought that once. That his life was worth less than that of others. That had been particularly true during his marriage to Kathy. He hated to admit it now, but in the culture of his faith, death was preferable to divorce. And back then, when their marriage bowed under the strain of his job, he threw himself around with reckless abandon. His life didn't matter. Not when he couldn't live it in the way he desired. His desire? Olivia. Every conflict in his damned psyche revolves around his clearly sinful desire for his partner, and the extramarital love for her that often consumed him.

In so many ways he still carried the guilt. The guilt he felt over the feelings and desires that burned for her for a quarter century.

Maybe that's why, in his mind numbing exhaustion, his guilt conjured a vision of Kathy. Sitting. Staring. Waiting. Uncomfortable guilt pressed in his chest when he realized that in death he didn't want his wife. He wanted Olivia. He always wanted her, and if he died from his injuries, his only regret would be wasting years not loving her in the way she deserved.

All at once, his pain receded, and his mind slowed, and somehow he managed to pull his eyes open, but he was certain he must have died because he recognized the face hovering over him. The blinding light behind her created a halo effect but he knew who he saw. Kathy stood over him, and he was fairly certain he was dead.

-000-

Amanda's eyes flicked nervously to Liv, who's brow furrowed. When she began mumbling unintelligibly, Amanda knew she had to wake her. Elliot made it very clear that Olivia wouldn't spend even a second in a hellish flashback.

Amanda swallowed deeply and reached over to shake the shoulder of her friend. "Hey Liv," she said soothingly.

Olivia's eyes fluttered open and darted about, clearly disoriented by the surroundings. Amanda instinctively gripped Olivia's forearm, hoping her touch could anchor to reality. "Hey. Sorry. I was worried…" she didn't really want to explain what she worried about, and Olivia nodded, seemingly understanding her worries.

"I'm okay." Liv insisted, but her gaze kept wandering around the room. She knew who she was looking for, and Amanda didn't have any more answers than she did an hour ago when Fin originally called. Amanda waited for the question to inevitably fall from Olivia's lips, and as expected she wasted no time asking, "Is Elliot here yet?"

Amanda spent the past hour planning what she would say if Olivia asked about him before she knew anything. Every possible answer streamed through her mind, but when Olivia's eyes held hers Amanda knew she couldn't lie to her. She took a shaky breath to increase her composure before she answered. "No." She stepped closer to Olivia, and seated herself on the edge of her bed. She kept her hand on Olivia's arm as she delivered the news. "Uh, he…something happened. I don't know the details. Umm. Fin said he's waiting with Bell at the ER." The small amount of color Liv had regained suddenly drained from her face. Amanda powered through. "He was shot Liv. Twice. And we don't know…" Amanda's voice dropped off, but she found it again. "All I know is it's serious."

Olivia's breathing became even more shallow and she pushed herself up, yelping in pain, but determined to move. "Get me the hell out of here."