Chapter 13

What followed was an endless night that Joel only recalled in bits and pieces. He remembered holding Ellie tightly, her face pressed against his chest, her arms around his neck, the same way he'd once held his daughter. He couldn't remember letting her go, but he must have called the police at some point, as sirens and flashing lights soon destroyed the quiet night. He remembered one officer trying to pull Ellie away from him and Ellie rewarding him with a solid kick to the nuts that made Joel flinch. There was an argument, and then Joel was finally allowed to walk with Ellie to the police car.

Joel thought they would never leave that police station. He sat by Ellie's side as different officers forced her to tell her story again and again. Around the third retelling, she fell into a rhythm.

"I spent the weekend with Joel because my parents abandoned me. When I got home Sunday night, my stepfather was drunk and waiting for me. I tried to do my homework and ignore him, but he kept yelling at me and shoving me when I didn't respond. I started yelling back. Then he made it clear he wanted to rape me." Ellie never met anyone's eyes when she said that part. "He jumped on me and shoved me to the ground. Then I shot him."

The officers were very interested in one detail of her story: "Where did you get the gun?"

"I stole it from Joel." She didn't look at Joel. "The second time I met him, my stepdad had locked me out and I was starving, so he took me to McDonald's. I was poking around his car against his will, and I found the gun in his glove compartment. He closed it right away, but later that night, I broke into his house through his doggy door, took his car keys, and stole the gun from his car."

Joel remembered the interviewing officer's wide eyes the first time Ellie told this story. "Why did you do all that?"

"My stepdad was getting angrier. He was drinking more." She told the table. "I wanted a way to protect myself."

Eventually, an officer came to greet them with a smile. He'd interviewed the neighbors who'd overheard the situation and the bartender at the bar he frequented. They all gave the same answer: Chuck was a violent alcoholic who had fistfights outside the bar, and often yelled at his stepdaughter. The neighbors had heard him yelling long before they heard Ellie yell back. Ellie had acted in self-defense; she was free to go.

The only question was where.

"Let her stay with me." Joel found himself begging Officer Peltane, a woman with a freshly ironed uniform and dark, shrewd eyes who seemed to be in charge of their case. Ellie had gone to the bathroom, giving them a moment to speak alone. "I've been taking care of her since she moved next to me. Her parents constantly locked her out, and I've stepped in and helped every time. It would hardly be a change if she lived with me."

Officer Peltane's expression was grim. "It goes against regulation to let the girl stay with anyone who isn't a family member or foster parent."

"What, you're going to call up a foster parent right now, at 5am?" Joel argued. "Look, I begged Ellie to go to CPS long before now, but that girl's smart. She knows that child abuse is rampant in the foster care system, and she didn't want to leave her situation only to end up in a worse one. She said she would only leave if she could stay with me. Go ahead and ask her without me there. She'll say the same."

"We already asked her the one time you left the room. She expressed that if she wasn't placed with you, she would run away to find you every time." Peltane sighed, a conflicted expression on her face. "I remember you, Joel. My daughter had soccer practice with your daughter. I'm so sorry for what happened to her." Joel felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach. Peltane studied his face with eyes that missed nothing. "I've interviewed a few people about you. They all say that you withdrew after your daughter's death, that you couldn't bring yourself to even look at any child. Why do you want to take this girl in?"

Joel met Peltane's eyes. "For a moment today, I thought Ellie had died. That changed everything. I- I miss Sarah every day," His voice broke, "but I think she'd want me to help Ellie." For a moment, he imagined Sarah and Ellie chattering away, running around Tommy's backyard together. Peltane's brow furrowed. She seemed unconvinced. "Please." Joel's deepest, unspoken feelings came rushing out of his mouth. "I love Ellie. I can't lose her too."

Officer Peltane's eyes widened. She gazed at him for a long moment before her expression smoothed into certainty. "Alright. Here's what I'm going to do." She started writing on her clipboard. "You can take the girl home today on the condition that you will take classes to qualify you as a foster parent. After you become a foster parent, and if Ellie's placement is going well, you can begin the process to adopt her."

Joel couldn't contain the wide grin that spread across his face. "Thank you so much, Officer. I'll sign up for those classes today." He heard footsteps and turned to see Ellie walk up to them. "Did you hear that, Ellie? You can stay with me!"

Ellie didn't quite smile, but the darkness in her eyes seemed to fade. "Good."

"Are we free to leave?" Joel asked.

"You are." Peltane nodded. Ellie walked past Joel out of the station, but Peltane grabbed Joel's arm as he went to follow. "Remember that the foster care system is always aimed toward uniting families. We have not found any blood relatives of Ellie yet, other than her incompetent mother, but we will keep looking. If we find one who is willing to take her in, there is nothing you can do to prevent them."

Joel nodded, though he didn't feel concerned. Ellie had already said she had no relatives beyond her parents to take her in. "I understand." Then he followed Ellie out the door and into the beauty of the golden, dawn sky. Free at last.

He watched Ellie as she gazed at the sun rising above the sparse trees. Her eyes were unreadable. In the oversized jacket one of the officers had given her, she looked like a small child.

"Let's get you home, kid." Joel spoke softly. He started to head for his truck, then stopped. He hadn't driven here. "We'd best ask an officer for a ride."

Ellie pointed at the forest in front of them. "This is the same forest behind your house, right?"

Joel frowned as he tried to remember the short drive to the station. "I believe so."

"Let's walk then." She started toward the trees.

"Ellie, wait!" Joel called as he caught up to her. "There's no walking paths in there and I have no idea which direction we need to go-"

"Please." Ellie's voice was quiet. He looked at her, but she didn't meet his eyes.

"Ok." Joel nodded reluctantly. "We'll give it a shot." With that, the pair stepped into the forest.

Ellie didn't say anything as the seconds stretched into minutes. Compared to her normal chatter, her silence was alien to Joel. In the quiet, his mind kept going back to the gun. He didn't want to pressure her, but he had to know.

"Did you think something like this would happen?" Joel asked softly. "Is that why you took the gun?"

Ellie kept walking through the forest ahead of him, her ponytail flashing like fire in the streaks of dawn light. Joel thought she was going to ignore his question when she finally spoke. "Like I said, he was getting angrier. He kept coming home late after drinking and yelling at my mom. I told him that if he hit her, I'd kill him."

Joel nodded in understanding. "And you needed a way to carry out your threat."

"Yeah." Ellie responded. "I hid it under the couch. He was always searching my room, but I figured he'd never look under his own ass."

"Lucky placement." Joel shuddered at the memory of Chuck throwing himself on Ellie right in front of the couch.

Several feet in front of him, Ellie nodded. Then, in a voice so quiet that Joel almost didn't hear, she spoke. "I didn't think he would try to rape me."

The guilt that Joel had struggled with since he saw Chuck lunge for Ellie began coursing through him until he couldn't breathe. "Ellie- I'm so sorry." He stumbled over the words. "I should have taken you in when you asked. None of this would have happened if I'd just listened to you."

"Whatever." Ellie shrugged. "Hey, I think your buddy Adrian and his friends might have wanted to rape me too. Or at least it felt it one when one of those fuckers grabbed me. So that's two in one day. Pretty wild, right?"

Joel stopped in his tracks. Her tone had an edge he'd never heard before. "Ellie, are you ok?"

"Fucking fantastic, thanks for asking." Ellie threw back. Joel sped up and grabbed her arm, forcing her to stop and turn toward him. "Hey, let me go!" She snapped as she yanked away from him. He tried to meet her eyes, but she refused to look at him.

"Don't do this, Ellie." He begged. "Talk to me, break something, scream, I don't care. Just don't let what happened twist you into something you're not."

Ellie laughed, and Joel was shocked by the bitterness in the sound. "Why shouldn't I change? Don't most people change after they kill someone?"

"Stop." Joel grabbed both her wrists in an iron grip that forced Ellie to meet his gaze. In her eyes, he saw blazing anger. "Stop acting like you don't care. I know you do."

"You don't know me!" She snapped as she yanked fruitlessly against his grip.

"I'm not letting you go until you talk to me." Joel pulled the fighting girl closer to him. "Tell me how you feel."

"Let me go!" Ellie kicked his leg viciously, but he didn't even flinch.

"Tell me!" Joel demanded.

"I'm- fucking- ANGRY!" Ellie screamed.

Joel loosened his grip, allowing her to pull away. "Why?"

Ellie shoved Joel so hard, he almost fell backwards. Her face was red with exertion and fury. "Because YOU didn't take me in!" She yelled. "That piece of shit almost raped me. You never should have let him try." She stepped away from Joel and started pacing through the forests, fists clenched. "My mom married that piece of shit. She let him lock me out, she let him yell at me. She let him come home drunk without her. She CHOSE HIM OVER ME. Every. Fucking. Time." Tears were streaking down Ellie's face as she screamed her pain into the forest. "And we had to stay all night in the stupid fucking police station until they finally decided the fourteen-year-old girl shooting the violent drunk was self-defense. NO FUCKING SHIT." She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them with a cry of frustration. "I fucking hated him, and he fucking deserved it, but every time I close my eyes, I SEE HIS FACE."

Joel's eyes grew clouded with his own tears. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "Every adult in your life has failed you, Ellie. Including me." He went to his knees, and he had to look up slightly to meet her tear-filled gaze. "I promise I will never fail you again."

Ellie stared at him. Then her face contorted with pain. She threw herself into his arms and her sobs echoed through the forest as Joel held her. Wishing he could take her pain away.

A few minutes later, when Ellie's sobs had quieted, she spoke into his shoulder. "You said you loved me to that one police officer." Her voice was muffled. "Did you mean it?"

Joel tightened his arms around her. "I love you, Ellie."

Ellie breathed deeply. "Ok." She pulled back from his embrace and stood. She didn't smile, but the swirling storm in her eyes had calmed. "I guess we should go home."

"Yep." Joel stood, then staggered as the leg Ellie had kicked throbbed in complaint. "You have a hell of a kick, kid." He said as he rubbed his shin.

"Sorry." Her light green eyes were guilty as they met his. "I wish I'd kicked the stupid police officers instead."

Joel grunted. "I'm glad you didn't." He reconsidered his words. "I'm glad you only kicked one."

After a few minutes of following Ellie through the forest, Joel realized he was utterly lost. Cursing himself for not insisting they ask for a ride, he was about to tell Ellie they needed to turn back when he caught a glimpse of houses through the trees. A few more steps, and they were walking into Joel's backyard. "What in the-" He turned to Ellie, who'd stopped to look at him. "You knew exactly where we were going, didn't you? You've explored the forest."

Ellie shrugged. "What else is there to do in this fucking suburb?" With that, she made a beeline for the back door. She jiggled the doorknob with one hand and prodded it with the other, and then the door creaked open.

Joel frowned. "I locked that." He said as he followed her into his house.

Ellie shook her head. "You need to change the locks, dude. Anyone could break into your house with those old things."

"I don't know if I should." Joel smiled as he leaned on the counter. "I've heard you have a bad habit of forgetting your keys."

The moment he spoke, he wished he hadn't; the last thing he should be doing was bringing up Ellie's stepfather in any capacity. Thankfully, the joke had the effect he'd intended. Ellie scoffed, a glint of humor in her eyes. "Good thing you have the doggy door."

"I'm hoping that one day, you'll be too big for that." Joel retorted.

"Don't we all." Ellie said dryly. Joel chuckled, and he saw the ghost of a smile on Ellie's face. It faded too quickly. "What do we do now?"

Joel looked at the clock. 8:23 AM. So much had happened, and yet the day had barely started. "Well, the police already called the school to excuse you for the week. So, I guess that means we can do whatever we want."

"Whatever we want." Ellie stared at the linoleum countertops. "Huh."

Joel's gaze skimmed the living room, where Ellie's blankets were still curled up in a tangled heap on the sofa. "You could take a nap-"

"No." Ellie was shaking her head before he finished his sentence, her face pale.

"Right." Joel replied. "Uh…" He looked around, then smiled when he caught a glimpse of a pumpkin on a neighbor's deck through his window. "Hey, let's do some Halloween stuff. Carve a pumpkin, get a costume, and all that.

He expected Ellie to jump at the idea. Instead, she frowned. "I don't know. Doing the normal Halloween kid stuff after everything seems kind of dumb. Like a pointless charade."

Joel's heart panged in sympathy with her words. "I understand." He said. "I felt the same way after Sarah died. I didn't know how I could go to normal activities like a barbecue or bowling night when I wasn't a normal person anymore." He met Ellie's bright green eyes. They had a distance he hated, but underneath that, he saw a flicker of curiosity at his words. Ellie was still in there. He just needed to draw her out. "Doing anything normal felt dishonest, but honestly, I wish I'd done it." Joel said. To his surprise, he found that he meant it. "Maybe if I'd done the charade of having a life, it would have become real. Instead, I'm still here, twenty years later, and nothing has changed." Until Ellie.

Ellie's gaze dropped to the counter as she considered his words. Then her eyes flicked back to his and she smiled – a small smile, a forced smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Let's go get a fucking pumpkin."

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Hey guys! This chapter was definitely harder to write - while we see the attack in both the show and video game, we never see the aftermath. It took a few days to nail down how I thought Ellie and Joel would react. I hope you enjoy the chapter and find it authentic to both characters!