Chapter 19- "You Can't Be Serious"
A/N: After several requests, I decided to give the readers what they asked-another chapter today! You all made my day!
Ezra and Kitty sat companionably at his small kitchen table in the predawn hours, sipping cups of fresh, strong coffee. He bit the corner of his mouth, pondering the evidence Kitty had presented regarding her suspicions about Matt and Sadie.
She'd explained that at first, she'd suspected that Matt had just opted to frequent the special upstairs rooms of saloons because he was afraid of getting her pregnant. The redhead had gingerly explained, without having revealed the truth about her past, that she'd known about men sometimes turning to working girls for that very purpose. But then Kitty had added to her case by presenting her verbal encounters with Sadie in Rat Hole Alley, Mr. Lathrop's store, and last but certainly not least, the confrontation on the boardwalk right in front of Delmonico's.
"You can't be serious, Kitty. I just can't believe that Matt would ever turn to another woman. He loves you too much," Ezra tried to reason with her.
"At first, I couldn't either, honestly. But let's not kid ourselves," she paused, staring into her cup, "we both know…men have certain…needs. When I found those furnishings in the tiny house on our property, I was forced to put all of the pieces of the puzzle together," she bent her elbow upon the table, resting her chin in her hand, "I don't know what t' do," she sighed.
"Well, just wait and see what happens when you get home, Honey," he tenderly rubbed her upper arm, his facial expression serious, "Besides, if he was frequenting a prostitute, and she is truly pregnant, there isn't any proof that the child belongs t' Matt."
Kitty abruptly stood and made her way to the small bar cart in the corner of his sitting room, "You certainly don't know Matt Dillon. He recently told me he could never think of a child of his as just business. She would only have to hint it was his…" her voice trailed off.
Ezra followed her to the bar cart, restraining her hand so she wasn't able to pour herself a drink, "Don't have a belt now, Kitty. It'll just cloud your judgement."
"Oh?" she glared at him over her shoulder, "Now you're my father?!" she growled.
"Hardly," he forcefully pushed her hand away, his chocolate eyes devouring her.
The redhead gulped, not taking her sapphire eyes off of him, "Maybe you're right," she slammed the crystal glass onto the wooden cart, "I can wait t' cloud my judgment for a few hours. After all, it is New Year's Eve," she pushed past him, heading for her bedroom.
"Kitty wait," he implored, grabbing her by her upper arm, "I don't wanna argue. I wanna help you through this."
She mockingly laughed, turning to face him, "You wanna help me?! You can't help me, Ezra. Only I can help myself and my children. That's why I need a plan! I have seven," she closed her eyes, biting her bottom lip, "I have six children t' raise. And there may be a chance, no matter how small, I'll be doing it alone," a tear trickled down her flushed cheek.
"Aww, Kitty, Honey," he pulled her into a warm embrace, her head resting against his chest, "Don't put the cart before the horse, okay? And if, and that's a huge if, you're correct in your suspicions, as long as I am breathing, you and your children will always have a home. I promise you that."
Kitty gasped, pushing her hands against her friend's chest, "You can't be serious," she half-chuckled, searching his bright eyes.
"I'm dead serious," he firmly replied, resting his gentle, large hands upon her shoulders.
The stunned woman studied her hands braced against his muscular chest that was only covered by a thin pajama top. She murmured, "I thank you for being such a good friend, Ezra, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't take the children from the only town they've known."
"I just want you to know that the offer stands until the end of my time on this Earth. Just like before, in Deep Ford," Ezra released Kitty, walking toward his bedroom.
The stunned woman speechlessly stood in her spot, her mouth agape for a moment before turning to follow him.
"Ezra," she folded her arms over her chest, pressing them against her white, flannel nightgown while standing in his doorway, "I gotta ask. Why didn't you ever answer my letters?"
He started to hastily make his bed, keeping his back to her as he replied, "'Cause I couldn't."
"Couldn't...or wouldn't?" she kindly retorted.
"Both," he continued making the bed.
"I don't understand."
The big man whipped around, causing Kitty to startle, "You can't be serious, Kitty. No one is that oblivious," he lowered his voice an octave, "I loved you. I wanted you to be happy, so I had to let you go. But that also meant I had to cut ties. And now, here you are and I still feel the same pull as I did eleven years ago."
As he poured his heart out, Kitty's arms fell to her sides. She mumbled, nodding, "So there it is," she sighed, "Ezra, how can you say you love me? You hardly know anything about me," she slowly turned her back to him, running her hand over some trinkets laying on his dresser.
"I know what I need to know. You are the strongest human being I've ever had the privilege t' know. You went through sheer hell- first with Mannon and then with Bonner, and yet here you are, willing to help a complete stranger cope with the same horror you had to endure."
Kitty closed her eyes and rubbed circles on her temples, "I'm not all that strong, believe me. I still have horrible nightmares and anxious thoughts and feelings."
Ezra approached her, pressing his firm chest against her back, clutching her shoulders. He whispered in her ear, "Nightmares aren't a sign of weakness. Trust me on this. It's your brain's way of trying to process what happened. Same with the anxious thoughts and feelings."
Kitty slowly shook her head, "You don't understand the things I've nearly done in my life," she glanced over her shoulder, "I wished my son dead while he grew inside a me," she spoke barely above a whisper, "What kinda mother does that? Huh?"
"What are you talking about? After Bonner? Adam?"
"Yes," Kitty softly spoke, covering her mouth with her hand, "My poor boy. Even though Matt convinced me t' have him, I kept wishing I'd miscarry…"
"Aww, Honey," Ezra turned her to face him, "You're too hard on yourself. You hadn't processed everything yet. You'd convinced yourself the baby couldn't have been your husband's."
"I still hate myself for it," she sniffled, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her nightgown.
"You're so remarkable," Ezra rested his forearms on her shoulders, entwining his fingers behind her neck. He studied her tear-stained, freckled face, "I don't understand how Matt could possibly not see that. That's why I think you're wrong about this Sadie person."
"I'm not remarkable," Kitty scoffed, not able to meet his intense gaze, "I'm a mess…I'm sad all the time. And when I realize I'm not sad, I feel guilty, like I told ya before," she turned, freeing herself from his hold. She slowly approached the window as the dawn's early light started to cast its rosy glow into the bedroom.
"All of those feelings are normal, considering what you've been through," the handsome man sat on the edge of his bed, draping his arm casually around the bedpost.
"I'm selfish, too," she turned to face him, "I thought if I came here to help Lydia, that maybe, just maybe, I could be helped, too."
"And you will be," Ezra stood and took two long strides toward Kitty. He encircled her waist with his long, muscular arms, his resolute eyes meeting hers, "I promise you that before you leave here, you will not only be whole again, you will have a plan."
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Doc sat near the fireplace in the sitting room, rocking Maggie as he did his darndest to convince her to have a bottle of goat's milk. The child continually rebelled by turning her head from side to side, scrunching up her face.
"Please, Margaret Louise. Grandpa is too old an' too tired t' wrestle with ya," he sighed, about ready to give up.
"Want me t' try, Doc?" Abelia offered as she placed a platter of flapjacks on the table in the adjoining dining area.
"No, but thanks anyway. I guess she'll drink when she's thirsty," he murmured while ambling toward the table. He secured the baby in her high chair, nodding his silent "thanks" as señora Martinez placed a steaming cup of fresh coffee on the table.
"Would you like some huevos, señor doctor?" she happily offered.
"Sí, gracias," he grinned, scrubbing his mustache as he sat next to Maggie.
"Take your boots off before you come in, Festus," Matt directed from just inside the kitchen door, "Good gravy, ya smell like you stepped in ten feet of manure!"
"I'm doin' 'er, Matthew," the ranch foreman grunted from outside, "Ya thank I don't got the sense God gave a goose."
"Well-" sounded the beginnings of a comment from the direction of the kitchen table.
"Don't start, Doc, please," Matt implored as he poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot on the stove.
"Oh, alright," Doc groused, tugging on his earlobe, "It's just too easy sometimes."
"Not today, okay?" Matt plopped himself into his chair, loudly exhaling. The big man appeared as if he hadn't slept in days as he kissed the baby on her forehead.
"You feeling okay, Son?" Doc asked, claiming two flapjacks for himself and one for Maggie.
"I haven't been sleeping well," Matt answered, taking a large gulp of his strong brew.
"Yeah, I thought I heard you head out in the wee hours," Doc cut the baby's flapjack, eager to know where his friend had disappeared to in the middle of the night.
"Them thay're flapjacks look delicious, B," Festus commented as he sat next to Matt.
"Why, thank ya," Abelia smiled as she brought her man his coffee, "Doc, are you going t' the Worths' big party t'night?"
"No, Ma'am. I'm gonna celebrate New Year's Eve with the littles and be in bed by nine, myself. Matt, you gonna take the bigs?"
"I don't know, Doc. I'm so tired," he sighed, never having answered the elderly man's previous question about his predawn whereabouts.
"Good morning," Addie crowed as she flounced down the wide staircase, holding Scarlett's hand.
A chorus of masculine "good morning"s echoed through the kitchen.
"Daaaddyyy!" Scarlett ran toward her father as fast as her chubby little legs could sprint.
"Mornin', Baby," Matt noisily kissed her cheek, "How'd ya sleep?"
"Good," the toddler answered, reaching for a flapjack.
Doc swatted at her hand, "Scarlett Kathleen, you're just as bad as your brothers. Here, let Grandpa help you."
"Graceeaas," the redheaded moppet beamed.
"Don't you ladies look as purty as a picture this mornin'," Festus complimented, chewing with his mouth open.
"Thank you, Uncle Festus," Addie smiled, "I figured it was easier t' dress Scarlett before breakfast," she took a large sip of her milk, "Daddy, are we going t' the big party tonight?" the young girl looked hopeful.
"I don't know, Pumpkin. Can we just decide later?"
"Addie wants t' go cause Jake Worth asked her fer a dance," Matthew chimed in as he brought in a pail of cow's milk.
"Oh, really?" Doc asked, his gray eyebrows nearly reaching his hairline, "I do believe you and your mama had a little chat about such things."
Addie bit her bottom lip, "I know," she whispered, "She didn't say I couldn't dance. She said I couldn't dance alone with a boy. Like, without my family around. I just wanted t' go for fun, anyway."
"Hey, Addie!" Adam shouted as he entered the house with a basket of fresh eggs, "You got company. Pate and Wendy Jo are comin' up the drive."
"A little early for guests, don'tcha think, Adelaide?" Matt commented, his mouth a straight line.
"Yes'sir," Addie stood, throwing her napkin upon the table, "I'll go see what they want." She walked toward the front door and grabbed her coat off the rack.
The redheaded girl leaned against one of the large pillars at the top of the stairs, watching her school mates approach. She noticed Pate toted a large bundle upon his back. Laundry, she reminded herself. But why is Wendy Jo with him?
"Hi, Addie!" Pate Gibbons waved from a few yards away, "I've got some beddin' for yer family."
"I'll be right back!" she shouted, running inside to let Miss Abelia know, in case they had laundry to send back with Pate.
Abelia joined Addie on the porch, handing Pate a wad of bills and another bundle of sheets and towels.
"Ma'am, this is waaay too much money," Pate commented, his eyes wide.
"No, it ain't," the housekeeper rebutted, "Mrs. Dillon said t' tell yer Ma it's a Christmas bonus."
"Please, please tell 'er 'thanks'!" the thirteen-year-old beamed, unable to believe his and his mother's good fortune. He crammed the bills into his front pocket.
"I will," Abelia spoke over her shoulder as she reentered the house.
"Hi, Addie," Wendy Jo quietly greeted, remaining at the bottom of the porch stairs.
"Hello," the eldest Dillon offspring cooly offered, still upset that her new friend had lied about where she lived.
"How was yer Christmas?" Pate asked Addie, clearly unable to sense the tension between the girls as he stuffed the dirty laundry into his large pack.
"Lovely," she couldn't contain her happiness, "We had a lot of fun."
"I s'pose you and your family are invited t' the Worths' big shindig t'night," the boy unceremoniously sat on the porch swing, making himself comfortable.
"We are," Addie casually motioned for Wendy Jo to join them on the expansive porch, "but I don't know if we'll go. My mother's still out of town."
Wendy Jo uncontrollably released a slight gasp, her mind racing-You can't be serious!
"What?" the redhead crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at the blonde girl wearing her old coat.
Pate's head snapped to look at Wendy Jo, realizing something was amiss between the two friends.
"Nothin'. I didn't say any-anything," the blonde stammered, uncomfortably fidgeting.
"You gasped when I said my mother is out of town."
"I did not," she shot back, thinking, Cause my sister said she'd heard yer ma left yer father so he could marry her. But I don't think yer ma'd leave 'er kids.
Addie somewhat relaxed, sitting on a rocker, "How was your Christmas?"
"It was fine. We shared a ham with some other families fer dinner and a bunch of us sat outside 'round a fire cause it weren't too cold. Ain't that so, Wendy Jo?" Pate motioned for the girl to sit next to him on the swing.
"Yeah," she answered, only sitting on the very edge of the swing.
"Did ya get any presents, Addie?" Pate asked, genuinely curious.
She smiled, "My daddy and my uncle made me canopy posts for my bed. My mama ordered me the prettiest canopy material! I was so surprised. How 'bout you two?"
"My mother got me some new pants fer school. And some peppermint sticks and some horehound, too," Pate proudly stated, even sticking his chest out a little.
"Wendy Jo, what did you get?" Addie asked, warming both her expression and tone.
"Sadie gave me a small chess set. She got it from a cust-, I mean, a man she knows," Wendy Jo timidly added, staring at the porch boards under her well-worn boots.
"You need t' get t'gether with me and Addie t' practice before school starts up again. Right, Addie?" the young man innocently offered. Wendy Jo Danko's small green eyes pled with Adelaide Dillon's big blue ones. Please forgive me. Please be m' friend again.
"Sure," Addie kindly offered, grinning, "maybe in a couple of days. It could be fun."
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Lydia Colburn stared at Kitty Dillon while she dozed in the light blue wingback chair next to her bed. The beautiful redhead lightly snored with her head resting on the inside wing of the chair, her mouth slightly open. She'd left her hair down today, several strands on each side pulled up by a lilac-colored ribbon.
The brunette found it hard to believe that such a seemingly vibrant woman could have suffered the same kind of atrocities that she had. But then again, the thin walls between the doctor's office and his residence aided in revealing the stranger's battle with her inner demons.
Lydia hadn't been able to decipher everything the couple had said word for word, but she had heard her doctor confess his love for this woman, as well as the woman saying she felt sad and could only help herself. For some strange reason, just hearing the redheaded stranger named Kitty cry on the other side of her wall made Lydia Colburn feel a little human again. In an obscure way, knowing that Kitty still felt deep pain over something while she continued to function as a person-still walking and talking on this Earth-gave Lydia hope that she could recover from this trauma. At least recover enough to move back home with her husband.
The drowsy brunette sank deeper into her pillows, her eyelids slowly blinking. The last thing Lydia had heard before she too, enjoyed a mid-morning nap was Kitty whispering, "Oh, Ezra."
TBC