J
"What the hell happened to Scott last night?" Matt asked, stuffing another piece of bacon in his mouth. Laura was taking her turn in the shower.
"He left with Mina," Lisa answered. "Maybe she won't be so bitchy now." She chuckled to herself.
"Hopefully Asahi gave Lia someone new to think about, too." I winked.
Lisa smiled at me over her cup of coffee.
Once everyone was showered, dressed, and fed I went downstairs to clean up the pub. I was clearing off the tables when Lisa popped through the door. She started to gather the garbage.
"What can we do to help?" Laura asked. I was thankful that I had willing hands to help clean up the remains of Lisa's birthday party.
"I still can't believe you did this!" Lisa said, kissing me on one of her trips past. "How long have you been conspiring behind my back?" she asked.
"A couple of weeks. Your friends were more than willing to be in on the surprise."
"Matt told me you made him look you up on the Internet," Lisa teased.
"Yeah! He didn't believe you had a girlfriend!" I poked her in the stomach and went to answer the doorbell.
"Hey! There they are!" Lisa's voice boomed when she saw Asahi and Scott walk through the front door.
"Man! What the hell is it with all the photographers and chicks out there?" Scott motioned with his thumb, pointing to the door. "Don't they ever go home?"
"No. They live here now. They're like zombies that don't die when the sun comes up." I laughed at my own comment.
"So how was your night, Scott?" Lisa gave him a teasing nudge in the arm.
Scott's eyes narrowed. "What do you think? I made her fucking night… several times!" he boasted. "She's a screamer, that girl!"
He held up a small, white plastic bag in his hand. "Good thing we stopped at the drug store on our way back. I'm planning on making her scream again tonight."
Lisa's face puckered up. She grabbed Scott's arm and hauled him off into the poolroom. I didn't care much for Mina, but she was Lisa's co-star and a celebrity - she had no privacy either. There were enough rumors and scandals floating around in the media about the Seaside cast already. Mina's indiscretions didn't need to be added to the pile. I was sure that Lisa was going to tell him the same thing.
"Lia and Mina are planning on coming here tonight," Asahi quietly informed me. "I hope you don't mind."
I shrugged and shook my head. It didn't bother me, as long as Lia wasn't here to see Lisa. But I was wise enough to know things like this could have powerful ripple effects.
"Asahi, I'm not going to tell you what you can and cannot do, but you do realize that Lia is a celebrity. I hope you keep your private activities with her private and discreet. Understand?"
"Yeah, I understand. I know what I've gotten myself into. Don't worry, I'm not going to be like that guy and announce stuff to the world." He nodded his head in Scott's direction. "Lia is sweet and I'd never do that to her. But I would like to see her again. And she wants to see me too, so…" Asahi shrugged.
"Just keep it private. That's all I ask. We're all under the microscope now," I stressed my point.
"I will. Hey, sorry I can't stay to help clean up. I've got to get some sleep. I'll see you at four," Asahi said, putting his sunglasses back on. "Oh, and before I forget, I already talked to my roommate. He'll cover the door tonight."
--
"Did Asahi leave?" Lisa asked me a few moments later.
I nodded.
"Damn. I wanted to talk to him too."
I whispered to Lisa. "I talked to him. I reminded him to keep his personal business private and discreet. You may want to talk with Matt and Laura about confidentiality as well."
"I already did." A tiny smile cracked on her lips.
The early afternoon flew by quickly. It took us several hours to clean up the mess and I mopped all the floors and even cleaned the bathrooms. Lisa suggested several times that I hire a company to clean the bar every day but I was used to taking care of the grunt work on my own.
Scott passed out in the guestroom upstairs; guess he didn't sleep much last night either. Lisa, Matt, and Laura were lounging in the living room, watching television. I logged on to the Internet.
"What are you doing, Honey?" Lisa's tone indicated her disappointment.
"Checking up on things."
"Why are you looking?" she groaned, concerned.
I flashed my eyes up to her and kept my reply quiet. "Because your public image is my concern too. Before I forget to tell you, Lia and Mina are coming tonight. We're going to need security in the bar. Do you want Mike here?"
Lisa didn't answer. She just walked away.
I clicked a link and was directed to a gossip magazine's website. The headline "Lisa Manoban's Love Affairs" caught my attention. The site had side-by-side pictures of Lisa and Mina kissing, Lisa and I walking down the sidewalk, and the picture of her and that girl from the Manhattan dinner meeting. The story pretty much accused her of being a reckless playboy. The words "plays the field" were included in the article.
I clicked another link and was now viewing pictures of Lisa kissing, smiling, leaning on, and holding Mina. The caption stated that their love affair was still going strong.
I hit the back button and clicked on another link – this one described my new bodyguard, Mino, being the new man in my life and how Lisa was furious and jealous. There was a picture of Mino and me entering the back door of my pub together. The article posted a random picture of Lisa looking angry next to it. All meant to generate shock, I supposed. The story made it sound like I was cheating on Lisa.
The last click I made showed a picture of Lisa and Mina snuggling in a bed. It looked like they were both naked, although you could only see Mina's bare shoulders. Most of Lisa's naked torso was exposed.
I jumped when Lisa popped her head next to mine.
"Turn it off before I throw the damn laptop out the window," she whispered her angry threat in my ear.
I quickly closed the Internet connection. Lisa grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me out of the chair. We hurried down the hallway to our bedroom.
She shoved the door closed behind her with extra force and glared at me.
"How long have you been surfing the web like that?" she growled between her gritted teeth.
I didn't answer. Her anger caught me off-guard.
"Why the hell are you looking up shit on the Internet? Do you need more reasons in your head not to trust me?"
"Please keep your voice down. We have guests, remember? I'm sorry," I whispered. I felt terrible that I upset her.
"I am trying so damn hard to make sure our relationship stays on track, knowing full well that we have more obstacles than most. And then I see you doing that shit! What the fuck, Jennie?"
I didn't know how to fully explain my actions. "I was curious to see what the public was being told." I was so ashamed my words were barely audible. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
"What else do you need to know? This is our life, right here! It's happening right now! I am standing in this room with you. I'm not out there in those pictures. I don't give a damn what the public is being told!"
"What if the situation was reversed and the magazines were printing stories that I'm some whore who's screwing three different guys at once. You don't think that would concern you?" I asked.
"But you're not! And I certainly am not doing what they accuse me of. I have no control over what trash they print."
"Yes, you do." I thought about several ways she could get the point across to the world that she was a one-woman kind of a person, that she in fact was currently involved with just one woman, but she'd have to make that move on her own.
"How?" Lisa barked.
I chickened out and bit my tongue. "I thought you had a publicist?" I stated calmly.
She scoffed. "If all those Seaside fans want to fantasize that I'm actually living the shit that's filmed, that me and Mina are some star-crossed lovers, what am I supposed to do about it? Put out a public statement that they're all deluded?" she threw her hands up in the air.
"And that picture of me and that girl from New York, that little picture is going to still pop up years from now. Those trash magazines are going to say that I'm cheating on you with her one day!"
She took a deep breath. "You have to realize that some of that shit is printed specifically to generate public reaction. They will post pictures of me and Mina just to keep the public interested in the film. They will print shit just to keep my career controversial and fresh. I may be asked to do stuff that might upset you just to pique public interest. It's all part of the game."
She sat down on the bed, facing me. "Honey, our relationship has to be built on trust. That stuff is just going to tear it down."
I looked down at my hands. She was right; my behavior was incorrigible but I wasn't alone there.
She took my hand and pressed it to her chest. "This… this is real."
"So if your PR team asks you to screw some actress to pique public interest, is that what you're willing do to keep your career controversial? I just want to be clear on how far you're willing to go."
Her tone was angry and sarcastic. "Yes, Jennie. I'm going to throw away our relationship, forget that I'm in love with you, and screw every woman that throws her legs up in the air. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you need to believe that I truly am? Just like your ex-fiancé? That I'm no different from every other asshole who has ever cheated on you?"
I looked away and winced from the sting of her words. That was a low blow but in a way I deserved it. Pain cracked in my chest and the tears of shame formed in my eyes.
She stood up from the bed and knelt down on the floor in front of me.
"I'm not them, Jen. I don't know what else to do to make you have faith in me. Why don't you trust me?"
"I do trust you," I muttered, wiping the tear from my cheek. "This whole conversation has nothing to do with trust. There are just so many other influences out there. It's hard to keep up with it all." I looked her in the eyes.
"Lisa, your life is public. I want to know what's being said about you. I want to protect you from all the daggers that are flying in your direction. Shield you from the lies." I picked a tissue out of the box on the nightstand and wiped my face.
"You can't protect me from it - you're way outnumbered," she said, defeated.
I took a deep breath. "It's more than that. The other reason I look is, sometimes I feel like I'm living with two people… the one I'm in love with and some other guy I barely know. The photo shoots, premiers, public appearances, magazine spreads, interviews, all of that is in here too." I pressed my hand back on her chest. "I look so I can understand it all; so I can be connected and in love with all of you."
Lisa rubbed her face and sighed. "I didn't see it that way. I'm sorry I yelled at you," she whispered, staring solemnly into my eyes.
I sniffed back my tears and acknowledged her apology with a nod.
"I don't want your mind to get clouded with the lies, Jennie. That's all." She picked up my hand, wrapping it in her. "It's so easy for fabricated stories to appear believable. They even merge pictures and try to pass them off as real."
"Regardless Lisa, all those real pictures of you, all those poses, stills, and magazine spreads, those are all little bits and pieces of you – of who you are, of things you've been through, things you've experienced. All of that is a side of you that I don't know. In a way it helps me understand you."
She breathed out another sigh and tapped our gathered hands into her forehead. She looked up into my eyes.
"I think this is the part where I apologize and we kiss and make up," she suggested softly.
I fidgeted a bit, still wiping the remnants of tears from my cheeks.
"I think this is the part where we realize that we still have a lot to learn about each other. That it takes a lot more than physical love to keep people together."
She stood up in front of me, pulling me up off the bed by my hands.
"You're right," she agreed. "I'm so sorry for blowing up at you."
"I'm sorry for giving you a reason to do so, but I hope you see the reasons why I look and don't get upset with me if I do it again."
She shook her head, exhaling harshly. "You're going to see stuff and think it's true. I really wish you wouldn't."
I spent the next few hours trying to look happy in front of our guests, careful not to let on that I was still mulling over the heated discussion she and I had.
Mina and Lia showed up later in the evening; tonight was their last night in Seaport. Both of them had flights to catch the next day. Scott was trying to pump Mina full with shots - I suppose to loosen her up again - however she continued to watch every move that Lisa made. She would flirt with Scott and then check to see if Lisa saw it. Unfortunately for her, Lisa had other things on her mind that she was worrying about - fans.
It didn't take long for word to get out that Lisa Manoban was in Kim's Pub again. Girls started to arrive in droves. Asahi's friend Trevor was working the door for me and after a while I had him stop allowing people in; we were crowded enough with obsessive females.
Lisa was doing her best to just deal with it all. I could see she was trying to have fun and blend in and not worry about the extra attention she was getting, but she had to work at it.
Mina did not like it at all when Scott left her side to become Lisa's wingman. Just standing in close proximity to Lisa provided Scott with a hearty selection of new women to talk to. It didn't take her long to slip her way in between Lisa and Scott.
"Jennie?"
I heard my name called out. It was a female voice – French accent. Lia waved her fingers at me.
"Yes, Lia?" I asked, trying to be polite.
"Can I speak to you privately?" Her eyes scanned tentatively for my reaction.
Lisa, of course, noticed us walking towards the kitchen door. I gestured my confusion, silently answering her questioning stare.
"I just want to apologize to you," she said. "I have treated you badly and unfairly and I'm very sorry." She sounded sincere.
"It's all right," I responded, trying to sound just as sincere. "Don't worry about it."
"You probably know that I have liked Lisa for a long time, but I know that she does not feel the same way about me as I do her." Her admission made her stare at the floor.
"She deserves to be happy and I can see she is in love with you." Her lips curled into a brief smile. "I can only hope that I too will have that happiness one day."
"You will," I assured her.
"I was wondering… has Asahi said anything to you about me?"
Her question perplexed me for a moment. I felt like we were young teenagers talking about our boy crushes and she was searching for insider information.
"I think it's safe to say that he likes you," I told her, feeling suddenly like an older sister.
"I like him too, very much. He is so nice and sweet and handsome, but…" She stopped to ponder.
"But what?" I asked.
She twitched, almost afraid to continue. She didn't need to.
"You're afraid of what the public will think," I stated, pointing out the obvious.
She looked at me and nodded.
"How does he make you feel?" I questioned, knowing there was more.
Lia smiled gloriously and pressed her hands to her heart.
"You deserve to be happy too. And the choice is really yours. Asahi is very ambitious, but he will still put your needs ahead of his own and treat you like gold. He's just beginning to find his career direction. And he will be successful at it. But then there's always the alternative choice… you could get involved with some young, rich guy who constantly thinks that the next girl he hooks up with is going to be even better than you." I waited until she looked at me again.
"Lia, I'm terrified about what the public thinks of me too," I admitted. "I know people all around the world feel that Lisa could do better than me, but better how? Someone with more money… more fame? Are those the things that truly matter when it comes to loving someone completely and knowing that good, bad, or otherwise, they will love you just as much in return?"
"No," she agreed.
"Then go be happy!"
I let Asahi leave early that night.
--
Lisa was busy attempting to cook dinner when I joined her in the kitchen late Sunday night. Her friends had left earlier in morning for their flight back to Pittsburgh and after five days with house guests we were finally alone. Even though Lisa was sad to see her friends go, she knew she would be seeing them in a few days when we traveled to her parents' home for Thanksgiving.
"Smells good!" I complimented. "Need help?"
"Nope!" she grinned at me. "I got it all under control."
I laughed under my breath on my way to the bedroom. She was only making hamburgers and boxed macaroni and cheese, but the kitchen counter was a total mess. I grabbed the stack of scripts from her nightstand and carried them back to the kitchen.
"Did you finish reading this one?" I glanced at the title on the front cover. "Behind the Words?"
She looked over her shoulder and sneered. "No. I couldn't finish it. It was stupid. I'm not going to portray a homophobic writer who wants a sex change."
"I still think you should pursue this one… The Isletin Solution. This one has Oscar potential."
"I was going to read that one next. Was it good?" she asked, licking her thumb. "You're finished with it, right?"
"Yeah, I finished it last night after you fell asleep. It was excellent!"
"What's it about?"
"It's the story of two Canadian doctors who discovered insulin and forged the way for the treatment of Diabetes. You would be perfect for the lead role of Blake Herbert. A physiologist and chemist," I said, flipping through the script. "It's based on a true story. It's written from Best's point of view, even though it wasn't the lead scientist in the discovery."
"Great! Another Blake character," she groaned.
"Ah, so what. You're already used to people calling you Blake," I teased.
"How do you know all of that stuff about the characters? Is it written in the script?"
"No. I researched some of it on the net. I was curious."
"So you think it's a good role for me?" she asked, wiping her wet hands on the dishtowel that hung over her shoulder.
"I think it's a perfect role for you. You'd be able to show a wider range of emotions with this character. There are a lot of heart-wrenching scenes. They did their research on dogs, and one of the dogs that she was really attached to dies."
"Sounds sad. You really think it has Oscar potential?" she narrowed her eyes on the script.
"Yeah, I do. The story is very compelling and you'd play a hero instead of an action star," I stated. "I visualized you in the role the whole time I read it. It's a tear-jerker. This is the type of role that wins awards."
"Since when did you get so knowledgeable about films and awards?" she asked in a teasing fashion.
"Since I started dating this hot movie star who's getting cast into all these romantic popcorn films. I've just been doing research on acting and stuff," I admitted.
"Well then, move that one to the top of the stack. I'll talk to Aaron and David… see what they think."
"You don't want to read it first?" I was surprised that she was just going to take my word for it.
"I trust you." She smiled.
"Did you read this one… Gordon's Way?" I asked, peering at it inquisitively. "I haven't seen this script before."
"Yeah, I read through it last week. It was couriered to the set. I really liked that one, but Aaron told me that they already signed Chase Westwood, so that one is out."
"And what are your thoughts about Bottle of Red?" I removed the script from the stack. It was the first one that I had read.
"Lame," she answered dryly.
"I agree. O – U – T out."
"Sacred Mountain?" I continued, panning through the pile.
"What was that one about again?" she asked in between taste-testing dinner on the stove.
"Secret UFO base in the mountains."
"Oh, yeah. That one was heavy sci-fi. What did you think of it?" she asked, almost sounding hopeful.
I pursed my lips and sneered.
"What's that reaction about?" she countered.
"Aliens?" I think I rolled my eyes. "That would be a huge diversion from the roles you have been taking. Is that something that interests you?"
She shrugged. She seemed unsure of her direction.
"Lisa, what's your goal here? I mean when you dreamt of being an actor, what kind of actor did you want to be?"
"Brando!" she stated with admiration. "I wanted to be Marlon Brando. The Godfather, you know! I can't tell you how many times I looked at myself in the mirror while trying to imitate him. He was the reason I wanted to get up on stage and act."
Lisa sat down at the table with me. "When I did the first Seaside, I was thinking about Gary Cooper – how he would have delivered it. I can only hope to be in that league as an actor one day. That would be the ultimate!"
"Well then, there's your direction. If that's the perception you want people to have when they think of you as an actor, then you need to position yourself correctly in the right roles. Isn't that something your agent and manager should be helping you with? I mean some of these scripts… well, they aren't going to get you there."
"They're just trying to get me jobs so I make a name for myself. It's tough. You've got to take what you can get sometimes," she responded.
"I don't know about that. By the looks of it I think you could afford to be a little more choosey." I patted the nine scripts under my hand. "Perhaps if you needed a paycheck you could consider some of these, but I think that if you want your dreams to come true then you need to point yourself in their direction." I held up the script for The Isletin Solution.
She smirked. "Yeah, you're right. Hey, after dinner we need to run lines for Slipknot again."
I smiled from the thought. I really enjoyed helping and watching her get into character.
I tried to "act" when I read the lines instead of just reading from the script, to the point that Lisa started coaching me when we rehearsed together. We rehearsed so often that I was starting to memorize the lines of dialogue of the other characters and the feelings they were intending to portray in each scene.
Lisa did have a cool job. It was oddly liberating "pretending" and feeling permitted to have different emotions and reactions from your own. I could see why she loves what she does for a living.
The lead female role had a lot of dialogue. She was a medical student and avid rock climber who rescues Lisa's character out on a mountain. What I liked most about her was that she didn't take a lot of crap from anyone.
It was very eye opening, making me acutely aware of my own personality.