Text messages:

Bella: Edward will you come over? I'm freaking out.

Edward: I'm on my way. I'll be less than two minutes. What's wrong?

Bella: I got a letter from Whitman. I can't open it. Dad's at work. Help.

Edward: Unlock the back door, then go in your closet under the sweaters. It will help.

Journal entry:

I found Bella in her bedroom closet as I had recommended.

"Is it helping?"

"I'm not sure, come in with me please." It smelled incredible! I was ever so happy, I would quite like to move in permanently.

"Do you need more sweaters? Or a blanket maybe? Let me bury you."

"Um... ok... fuck Edward. What if they say no? Or what if they say yes and I can't get funding? I want to go there so much."

"Ssssshhh, more sweaters. That's what will fix this." Her voice was quite muffled now beneath the lump of knitwear I was piling over her (and a little for myself too).

I patted the mountain. "There. All better!"

Bella's hand crept out from under the pile clutching a sweaty formerly-white envelope. I put a sweater over her hand. Much better.

"Ewoah uiiiyuoohpahiifuhmeh?"

"You'll have to speak up Bella. Wool is an excellent insulator."

"Uiii yu oohpah ii fuh meh?"

"Of course!" I gave the mountain another soothing pat.

I burrowed a while and eventually located Bella's clammy hand, extracting the crumpled envelope from it.

"You're sure you don't want to see?"

"Yudui'

"Ok then. Ready?"

An ambiguous squeak came from below the mass of yarn. I popped her comforter on top just for safety's sake, not wanting to skimp on woollens, but finding Bella's wardrobe sparse in comparison to my own.

I opened the envelope. It was bad news. She'd got in. She was leaving me.

"You got in Bella! I knew you could do it!" I feigned joy as my heart completely shattered. "Full ride! Wow! That's so great!" I sounded so fake. I hoped the wool would distort the tone of my voice enough to hide it from her. She mustn't know. Ever. Luckily wool is an excellent insulator.

"Rihii?!"

"Yes! You're going to Whitman!" I wanted to cry and fell to my knees.

An earthquake erupted, sending a landslide of sweaters to bury me just in the nick of time. I quickly put several on at vampire speed before I was totally submerged. That helped a bit. They were very tight. Like a nice hug.

As my entire world collapsed around me, Bella stood and read the papers for herself and started to cry. I dug out an oval around my face. I wasn't ready to come out yet.

She launched herself onto the sweaters and I let out a sad squeak. Her beautiful face hovered above mine. She was beaming. So radiant.

I heard a crack, which I assumed to be my heart, but later discovered was the protractor I generally keep in my back pocket, for emergencies. Nevertheless, I felt an aching chasm ripping through my chest. Bella's joyous tears dripped down onto my face, running in hot trails across my cheeks and I was glad for the momentary feeling of being able to weep, if only by proxy.

"Edward! Ahhhhh!" She wiggled about a bit excitedly. I felt sad and aroused. It was confusing.

Bella flung her arms around the lump and more of tears streamed down my face. I tasted one surreptitiously, hoping to keep this small part of her inside me as an eternal memento after she leaves.

"You're going to love it, Bella." I whispered. She would. Her life was going to be so wonderful. Without me.

"Thank you. Thank you for helping me and being here. You're the best Edward." She gave me a hot little kiss on the cheek that broke my heart every bit as much as it healed it.

Bella ran to the stereo and put on some music then set to excavating me.

"Come on Edward! Dance party!"

She pulled me up (well, I helped. I'm far too heavy for her to move at all without my help). And jumped about to the CD she'd put on, swinging my hands.

Despite the fact that I felt like I'd just fallen face first into several tons of hot garbage, I knew this would likely be my one and only chance to ever dance with Bella.

It is a little known fact that I am an exceptionally good dancer. Vampires don't dance much as a rule, and especially not single vampires like myself, but nonetheless if I choose to, I can dance like Fred Astaire. I didn't though, because the song was a Motown song, so I opted for some fancy moves from the sixties instead.

I twirled Bella about her bedroom and caught her numerous times when she stumbled, taking in the sheer joy on her face and feeling more mixed up than I think I ever have before, but smiling at her anyway, because this was all we were ever going to have and I could mope at my leisure later on (which I plan to do extensively).

She hugged me when the song ended and I never wanted to let her go, but it was over in a second. She grinned as she read her letter again and again.

Eventually she gave me a quizzical look.

"Edward. Why are you wearing three of my sweaters?"

"Hmmm? Oh... um... oh. I was cold. Sorry" I struggled out of them reluctantly. It took quite some effort.

Bella had to help me get untangled,

as I got my elbow stuck behind my neck and I hissed a little. I suppose she will need them at Whitman so I couldn't keep them. It is a pity, I had already grown so fond of them.

We went downstairs and I congratulated her again. She called her mother and father and told them her happy news and I sat numb at her kitchen table, a smile locked on my features.

She deserves a far better life than one I could ever be part of though. I want so much better for her. I am happy for her, I really am. I am just so sad as well. We have only just started to get to really know each other and it's already almost over.

Is this what love is? Feeling overwhelmingly happy for the one you love even when you're heartbroken for yourself? It's quite painful. I'm not sure if I like it.

Commenters get to trust the process with Edward.