Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
The cloaked figure cast off their disguise, revealing themselves to be a humanoid mantis with a green exoskeleton covered in patches of sickly orange and purple patches of fungus with a few grotesque toadstools sprouting from the shoulders and hips. It had double-jointed legs ending in two talons a piece, a pair of small, upturned wings resembling blades, and four arms, one set ending in a pair of massive, bloodstained scythes, the other in razor-sharp claws. Its head was shaped like a mantis, but between the two large worm-infested eyes bulging out of the sides was a gruesome rotting death's head mask. Spines grew from the sides of the legs and arms, some of them decayed to the point that they had fallen off, but those that remained were still quite sharp, bloodstained, and looked infected. It had a figure that might once have been considered attractive, but that was no longer the case considering all the holes in its body and the fact that its breasts were sagging, moldy, and wriggling with centipedes.
"Ew gross, it's so ugly!" Shizuka shrieked.
"I've seen worse," Leonardo said, unimpressed. "Grew up in the sewers, after all. I've seen weird shit." He paused. "As well as actual, literal weird shit. Because again, sewers."
"I am so sorry," Yoshiharu said sympathetically.
"Kill it! With fire!" Nightbird shouted. "I'd do it myself, but I'm still kinda stuck here. A little help?"
"Mibojin, what sort of trick is this? What are you playing at?" Seikai snapped.
"Really? You think I'm behind this?!" Mibojin asked incredulously.
"You're Mantis Clan, and that's clearly a mantis from the Hive you joined," Seikai pointed out. "And it just killed Master Jigoku, whom everyone knows you hated!"
"Oh, I killed someone you hated? A pity, I really had hoped to get someone you liked," Parasitica tutted through the mantis's rotting mandibles. "But no, we're not friends. Far from it."
"That is Queen Parasitica II, the leader of the Swarm," Mibojin told everyone, ready to fight or transform at a moment's notice. "Or rather, that's who's possessing the dead body you see before you. Parasitica, how did you get here?"
Parasitica cackled. "Would you believe I – or rather, this body – was invited? The organizers really should be more picky about who they let in. All they cared about was this was a ninja, not who's controlling it."
"I've been saying that for decades!" Ryo griped.
"What do you think of my current host?" Parasitica sneered through the mantis's rotting mandibles. "I thought it appropriate to use this body, seeing as how this is a ninja conference and all. I don't suppose you recognize the bug this used to be, dear sister? I know you're watching through your little puppets."
"I do," Apista lamented. "That's-"
"Kira," Manti lamented, filled with heartbreak. "She was the twin sister of the previous Yellow Mantis. I very nearly chose her over your predecessor, Mibojin. It was very close. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what would've happened if I had chosen her instead. Perhaps she wouldn't have had to suffer this… Horrendous fate!"
"Don't worry," Mibojin replied. "We will send her to join her sister in death."
"Sensei, that… That monster…" Hood thought, trembling with rage. "I… Know that monster!"
"You…" The cicada snarled furiously. "You're the one… You led the attack on my colony! My family, my tribe… Our home… All gone because of you!"
"Did I now? I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific, I've killed so many, after all," Parasitica remarked, bored, examining the nails of her free hand, the other clutching the precious scroll.
"Liar! You were once one of us! Which means you can't forget anything anymore than I can!" Hood shouted back.
"You're right, I do remember wiping out your people," Parasitica admitted, a sick grin forming on the hideous face of her host. "Just as well as I remember all those years wandering the darkness of space, all alone, cut off from my own people, my birthright… And now you, too, understand a fraction of the torment I had to endure. It hurts, doesn't it?" She laughed. "And if you think it's bad now… I assure you, your suffering has just gotten started."
Enraged, Hood took a step forwards, only for Mibojin to put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't. Giving into anger is what she wants."
"That's right, listen to the pitiful mammal, you wouldn't want to get hurt, would you?" Parasitica sneered, causing Hood to tremble in barely suppressed fury.
"Everyone, we cannot allow Parasitica to leave here with that scroll," Mibojin said.
"Why not?" Ninjaman asked.
Everyone stared at him. "Excuse me?" Wendinu asked in disbelief.
"No, seriously, why not?" Ninjaman repeated. "Didn't we already agree we'd share the knowledge in the scroll amongst ourselves? What's letting one more villain in on the secret in comparison?"
"Are you an idiot?!" Hood shouted. "Parasitica is mind-linked to every single member of the Swarm across the universe! If she learns the Oonemuri Touch, so will all of them, and they'll be able to wipe out at least half the universe in a matter of minutes!"
"Well, yeah, but if you guys read it too, the Hive will know it as well so can fight back, right?" Ninjaman pointed out.
"First of all, while that's technically accurate, at the moment the Swarm vastly outnumbers what's left of the Hive, and Parasitica cares a lot less about casualties, so she'll still be able to wipe out all resistance relatively effortlessly," Mibojin replied. "Also, you're assuming she would be willing to agree to the same terms all of us have agreed on, which she will not."
"I absolutely will not," Parasitica agreed smugly. "I will be the only ones to learn the secrets of the scroll, and then the Earth and all other worlds shall crumble before me!"
"Incorrect! The secrets of the scroll will be mine!"
"What?!" Parasitica squawked as a tractor beam pulled the scroll out of her hand and up towards a tiny flying saucer.
"Hey! I already asked if everyone who wanted the scroll was already here! You can't just sneak in after that!" An exasperated Hood protested.
"It's like a baby flying saucer," Shizuka gasped, eyes wide.
"So cute!" Wendinu cooed.
"That's not a flying saucer, that's Space Ninja Demost from Dark Star, one of the apostles of the Genmaku Society," Sora corrected them.
"That is correct! And with the scroll, we shall be invincible-"
His voice cut off in an electronic squeal as an irritated Parasitica sliced him in half with a single slash from her blade, reclaiming the scroll as it fell from the air. "As I was saying-"
"Okay, I see your point, we need to kill her," Ninjaman interrupted, much to the evil queen's annoyance.
"Indeed. We are all veteran ninja, and she is greatly outnumbered," Don Murasame agreed.
"Oh, am I now?"
Over a dozen black clad mantis ninjas in varying states of decay emerged from the shadows.
An exasperated Shinigami glared at the embarrassed living weapon. "You just had to say it, didn't you?"
"We've faced worse odds," Seikai pointed out, unimpressed.
"That's true, you have," Parasitica admitted. "Quick question, have all of you been keeping up on your cosmic fungus vaccines?"
"Our what?" Furabijou asked.
The possessed mantis promptly bent over and vomited all over the corpse of Jigoku and the remains of Demost. While most of the ninjas present cried out in horror and dismay or even vomited themselves, Mibojin and Hood tensed, knowing what was coming.
The bile Parasitica had spat up crept up the bodies of the deceased ninjas, patches of fungus, lichen, and diseased mushrooms growing from their flesh as centipedes began burrowing holes in their skin.
And then Jigoku twitched.
Slowly, one of his hands, now warped and skeletal, reached out, grabbed his head, and stuck it back on his body. Centipedes grew out of his flesh and burrowed into his head, stitching his neck back together. As he stood up, eyes glowing, lurching and moving in twitchy, inhuman ways, he moaned and spat up bile, which sizzled in the ground and started turning into another patch of cosmic fungus.
Beside him, Demost's flying saucer head pulled itself back together – albeit not perfectly, the two halves misaligned – and floated into the air, his body popping out from the underside, more patches of fungus crawling across his form, his head turning tarnished and moldy, while his scarf became a bed of fungus.
"By the ancestors…" Sora whispered in horror.
"This is super messed up," a disgusted Karai grimaced.
Mibojin shot them all pleading looks. "Please tell me that all of you have been keeping up to date on your vaccinations, because otherwise, if one of them throws up on or scratches you, you're going to turn into a Funghoul like them."
There was an awkward silence as an embarrassingly small number of ninjas raised their hands.
"Seriously?!" Hood shouted.
"Why. Why do people keep doing this?!" Nushi shrieked. "We put out lots of publications! Targeted ads! Celebrity endorsements! In some countries people are ordered by their governments to get vaccinated! And yet people keep ignoring it or putting it off and have the gall to be surprised when they get infected! Did they learn nothing from COVID or the last outbreak of Gaming Disease?!"
"Apparently not," Goro grunted.
"And people wonder why I drink so much," Apista hiccuped.
"It is starting to sound appealing," Shin admitted.
"In my defense, I'm not entirely sure this is my universe," Sora admitted.
"I live in the sewers, so getting vaccination isn't exactly easy," Leonardo said wearily.
"I've spent the last year or two in a jar, so I honestly have no idea what's going on," Ninjaman confessed.
"Of course I haven't gotten vaccinated! I'm a superior mechanical life form, so can't catch any of your silly organic diseases!" NightBird bragged.
"That doesn't matter, cosmic fungus is eldritch in nature, meaning anything that's alive can catch it, even inorganic lifeforms," Mibojin informed her.
"Oh."
There was a pause.
"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" NightBird shrieked, trying to extricate herself from the ceiling with renewed fervor.
"Ha, there's no need for me to get vaccinated! I'm strong, so there's no way I can catch it!" Ren bragged.
"That is absolutely not how it works," said an exasperated Yako. "Also, you're an idiot."
"Still not as dumb as my father," Yoshiharu grunted.
Pretty much everyone nodded and muttered in agreement.
"I strongly suggest that everyone who can transform do so right away," Mibojin advised everyone. "She can't infect us through our suits. Yet."
"I'll figure it out eventually," Parasitica insisted, sounding somewhat irritated. "In any event, I see no need to deal with all of you right now. All I need is for one of my puppets to read this scroll, and I'll have won. My Funghouls can keep you occupied."
"You really think we're going to let you leave with that?" Ayame asked angrily.
The mantis shrugged. "It doesn't really matter if you kill this body, though I think you'll find it a bit more difficult than you think. All of these are me, and as I just said, all I need to do to win is for any of these – or any of the other Funghouls currently running rampant through the convention as we speak – to read this scroll and victory is mine."
Everyone stiffened at this. "Others… How many did you sneak in here?!" A horrified Ryo demanded.
"Snuck? Weren't you listening? We walked right in," Parasitica cackled. "About a dozen of us. And then we spread out and started planting patches of fungus in out-of-the-way places to summon reinforcements from orbit, 'accidentally' bumping into people and scratching them… You people really should be keeping up with your vaccinations, at this rate I'll have converted over half of you to my side within the hour, and after they've killed the rest, I'll have an entire army of ninjas under my command!"
Nushi started screaming in exasperation. Mibojin did not blame her.
"Of course, that little riot Mibojin started helped immensely… With everyone distracted by that, it was child's play to spread my fungus unnoticed!" Parasitica gloated.
Quite a lot of people glared at Mibojin. Hood winced. "Oops?"
"You seem to have forgotten that we have an army of our own," Seikai pointed out as several Shadowkhan materialized from the darkness. "And they can't be infected by your fungus!" He paused, then glanced at Mibojin. "Can they?"
She shrugged.
He scowled at her, then continued. "Well, in any event, our security force will put a stop to your invasion!"
Parasitica seemed alarmingly unconcerned by this. "Oh, yes, about your Shadowkhan…"
One of the other mantises produced a red Oni mask with white eyebrows, mustache, and beard. Sora gasped. "It can't be… The mask of Tarakudo!"
Several of the other ninjas gasped. "Oh no, Tarakudo! Of course I know exactly who that is, but why don't you explain it to everyone who doesn't know," Ren said very loudly.
"Tarakudo is the Oni king who created the Shadowkhan," an exasperated Sora explained. "He and his nine generals used them to conquer ancient Japan and nearly engulfed the world in eternal darkness, only to be permanently sealed inside that mask by brave wizards. The mask can be used to summon and control Shadowkhan, and the World Ninja Council has used it to conjure them for security purposes and other missions too dangerous for regular ninjas to tackle."
"Where did she get that?!" Yako demanded.
"It was right here on display in this museum," Parasitica said bluntly. "Maybe it wasn't a good idea for you to put so many dangerous and powerful artifacts in one place?"
An awkward silence filled the room.
"I told them!" Ryo shouted.
"Then… She can use that to control the Shadowkhan and turn them against us?!" An alarmed Yoshiharu asked.
Seikai shook his head. "No, the mask was heavily enchanted to make sure that no fool can just put it on, free the spirits of the Oni, and command the Shadowkhan. Its power can only be activated by a secret spell known to members of the World Ninja Council-"
"You mean like Jigoku?" Don Murasame pointed out, nodding at the zombified ninja master.
"Shit," Shinigami swore.
"However," Sora continued. "Even then it can only be used by a ninja who has some degree of magic potential."
Hood sighed in relief. "Oh, good! Magic has only recently become available to my people, and the Swarm has zero experience with it whatsoever. There's no way she can use that spell, then!"
Parasitica's host grinned. "Oh no? Yami no naka no yami, kage no naka no kage, yami no yobikake ni mimi o katamuke, yoake o keshi sarou!"
And then the world turned upside down as the mask glowed.
Mibojin reeled in disbelief, though she was unsure how much that was her and how much of it was Ariel. "That's… That's not possible…"
"Have you learned nothing, Mibojin? Nothing is impossible," Parasitica taunted as her ninja put on the mask, which gruesomely melted and molded itself to her face, making it even more hideous.
The Shadowkhan froze…
And then turned on the gathered ninja as ominous whispering filled the air and dozens of pairs of red eyes formed in the shadows.
"And with that, I think I will take my leave. Have a nice death!" Parasitica taunted, fleeing with the scroll, while the masked ninja faded into shadow, leaving her brethren and new army of Shadowkhan behind.
Without thinking, Mibojin immediately gave pursuit, moving so quickly and unexpectedly that her adversaries didn't even realize they were dead until they were in pieces on the ground or dissolving into wisps of shadow.
(Had she stayed a moment longer, she might have noticed a sobbing Minoru starting to be surrounded by an energy ring bearing a familiar emblem, but she did not, and neither did anyone else, not until it was far too late.)
"Where are you going?!" An outraged Seikai demanded as the dark ninjas closed in.
"I have to get back that scroll or we are all finished," Mibojin shouted, already running down the hall, Hood on her heels. "You're all resourceful enough ninja. I have every faith you will survive, or at the very least buy time. Find the ninja with the mask! Kill her or remove the mask and the Shadowkhan will be nullified!"
"We need the hair of a Japanese samurai as the key component for the spell to remove the mask," Sora shouted after her, slicing a Shadowkhan in twain. "But everyone here is a ninja!"
"Then it's a good thing the Shinkengers are just next-door, isn't it?" Mibojin quipped just before she was out of earshot.
"Sensei, will they be okay?" A concerned Hood asked, easily keeping up with her mentor.
"Honestly, I don't really care what happens to them, so long as they don't slow us down. If they cause a big enough distraction, all the better for us," Mibojin said. "Nushi, everyone, get over here right now! And bring the Shinkengers or any other samurai you can find! I mean, every hero you can get will probably be good, but we specifically need a samurai or two!"
"Right, hang on… Wait… Oh come on, you gotta be shitting me!"
As Mibojin saw what was going on just next-door, she swore in disbelief, a part of her wondering if she was really having the worst of it right now.
At least her daughter wasn't involved-
Wait.
Shit!
The tournament hall would probably be a huge target, seeing how many people would be there!
Yet again, Mibojin wished her daughter had acquiesced to join the Buzzing after all so she could warn her.
Thankfully, she had others close enough who would suffice…
"… And so, with neither Karai Hamato nor Yoshiharu Igasaki appearing, it looks as if they forfeit by default. Hopefully our next matchup will be a bit more climactic! Welcome our next fighters, Mike Fukanaga and Kagami of the Mantis Plan!"
The crowd filling the stands cheered, but Kagami heard none of it. Nor did she hear the taunts and jeers from her opponent, who was so insignificant that he didn't bear paying attention to. She should be able to crush him effortlessly within seconds.
Unfortunately, she was having difficulty working up the motivation to do so, so anxious was she. How could she, when her mother wasn't there?
And neither were her girlfriends.
For the half-dozenth time, she glanced at the seats that had been reserved for her loved ones. For the half-dozenth time, they were still empty.
Where were they?
Her mother's absence she could understand, even if she didn't like it. She was on an important mission, after all. Yes, she promised she would be back in time, but they both knew there were no real guarantees in this line of work.
But Mira? Coccinella?
Had they abandoned her?
Had seeing her with Karai and learning of their past soured them against her?
Had they finally lost patience with a partner who refused to share every part of herself with them and decided they were better off without her?
Had mother decided the same thing?
Had everyone left her? Was she all alone, the thing she feared more than anything else-
"Wait, hang on, you can't be in here-"
"Everyone! This is an emergency!"
Kagami's head shot up. Mira?
"The Infestation Empire Swarm has invaded Shurikon! They've already infected Queen knows how many people and have turned the Shadowkhan against us!" Coccinella added. "Everyone out of the stadium immediately and get ready for a fight!"
Kagami's heart soared. Her loves hadn't abandoned her after all!
Oh, and the Swarm was here which meant her mother's mission must have failed. Crap.
Still, she reflected as she took out her kamas as screams rang out all around her, the shadows literally coming to life and starting to kill people, at least she would get a chance against an adversary more challenging and less moronic sounding than Supah Ninja.
"Ma'am, first of all, I'm not sure where to begin with everything wrong with what you just said," said a baffled Nushi. "But… Why exactly are you here?"
"To tell you to cut it out!" Beverly huffed, as if it were obvious.
"Cut what out?" Goro asked, confused.
"This! All of this!" Beverly shouted, gesturing vaguely first at the Bugrangers, then at everyone else in the room.
"Holding a convention?" A very bewildered Aranea queried.
"Being TERRIBLE role models!" Beverly yelled, her voice growing shriller and more obnoxious with every breath.
Shin groaned and facepalmed. "Here we go…"
"You teach children that violence is not only okay, but the best solution to all your problems!" Beverly yelled, gesticulating wildly. "Which is no surprise, considering how so many of you are from violent, thuggish occupations like soldiers or police!"
There were quite a few angry murmurs at this. "That is completely inaccurate," Ariel said angrily. "Sentai being a military or government task force was more common in the Showa era than nowadays!"
"And we aren't thugs," an annoyed Goro pointed out.
"That too."
"Look, it's not that we're encouraging violence, it's just that… When you're up against an enemy that will not reason, will not negotiate or compromise, will not stop until they kill you and everything you love, there aren't really any options left but to fight," Nushi explained.
"It takes two sides to fight a war, so you're just as much to blame!" Beverly insisted.
"That's… Not even remotely how it works?" Nushi said, bewildered.
"This woman would not last a day on my planet," Antares said flatly. "Perhaps not even five minutes."
"Is that a threat?!" Beverly hissed.
"No. Do you want it to be?" He asked, genuinely curious.
Spluttering at this, she continued. "You also consort with demons!"
"Hey! I've never consorted with Ikki in my life!" Vice protested.
"Vice, I'm sure she doesn't mean it like that," Ikki Igarashi said.
"No, I did," Beverly said.
"Oh." He frowned. "Hey!"
"That's also factually untrue? I mean, the Zyurangers killed literal Satan?" Ariel said. "And then Captain Marvelous killed him again?"
"That's right, I did!" The legendary pirate bragged.
"You had help," Luka pointed out, which he ignored.
"Also, GoGoV fought a whole family of demons," Ariel called.
"What about your family?" Shin queried. "A lot of consorting with Infershia going on there."
"First of all, we are at peace with Infershia now, and also, Aunt Sphinx and Aunt Vancuria aren't demons, they're a dark goddess and vampire Queen respectively," Ariel insisted. "Which is totally different. I think?"
The aunts in question shrugged.
"You try to convince kids that it's okay to do magic, when actually it's just delivering them into the hands of the devil!" Beverly continued.
"Again, the devil is dead twice over," Ariel said. "And magic is wonderful! There's nothing inherently wrong with it! Well, you know, unless you make deals with dark powers."
"I don't think that's helping your case," Lepidoptera admitted.
Ariel scowled.
"And you wear such promiscuous, revealing clothing, convincing girls it's okay to show off their bodies like a common harlot!" Beverly said venomously.
"Bitch, you're jealous that you'll never look as good as this without getting even more work done," Ariel huffed, flaunting her curves and drawing admiring eyes from Nushi, Aranea, and a good chunk of the audience.
"I don't see anything wrong with them dressing whatever way makes them comfortable," Goro said.
"And would you say that to your own daughter?" Beverly sneered.
"Yes, in fact, she dresses like that all the time," Goro said. "Since she was born the wrong gender, now that she's completed her transition she revels in being able to show off every part of herself, now that she finally has a body she's proud of."
"Oh, then you're clearly a failure as a parent for allowing him to entertain such delusions," Beverly said dismissively.
Shin and Nushi had to keep Goro from getting up and shooting her dead while Kari very nearly broke free from the grip of her friends in Katsutoshi squad to claw Beverly's eyes out… Although they were very tempted to let her do so, remembering all too well how miserable Mira had been before and how happy she was now.
"I don't understand, is there something wrong with how I look?" Aranea asked in concern.
"You look ravishing," Arachne assured her, with her concubines, Nushi, and Ariel all chiming in their agreement.
"And you promote the worship of false gods!" Beverly added, unaware of how close to death she had been.
"There's nothing false about the gods many of us worship, they are objectively real," Aranea protested. "In fact, there's even several in this room with us."
The deities in question nodded in approval.
"I'm also a God! Just throwing it out there," Formic added. "I mean, okay, not as cool as some of the others here in my current miniature form, but still. Bona fide deity."
"I think you're pretty cool," Goro told his partner.
"Awww, thanks buddy!" Goro cheered, flattered.
"No, there's only one true God!" Beverly insisted.
"Again, wrong," Nushi said in annoyance. "I mean, I'm pretty sure the one you're thinking of exists, though not necessarily in whatever form you think he does, but I personally stopped believing in him – as well as a good chunk of humanity – the first time my father hit me." She was suddenly aware of numerous startled and pitying eyes on her and winced. "Aaaand I didn't mean to say that out loud. Dammit."
"Oh, lovebug," Ariel murmured, hugging her girlfriend as Coccinella touched her cheek.
"Maybe you deserved it for being a terrible daughter and sexual deviant," Beverly sneered.
Ariel calmly started to get up, and Nushi and Shin had to wrestle her back down before she cast a killing curse. Antares had to do the same with Aranea.
"You're all deviants, convincing innocent children that it's okay to love more than one person, or different genders, or even different species!" Beverly continued, once again unaware of how close to death she'd been.
"What's wrong with that?" Aranea asked, still unable to grasp this creature's anomalous existence.
"Everything!" Beverly insisted.
"Why?"
"It… It just is!" Beverly snapped, furious. "Oh, and let's not forget, the lot of you are racist!"
Everyone stared at her. "We're what now," Shin said.
"You're so exclusionary! Pretty much all of you are Japanese, but not a single one of you is American!" Beverly yelled.
"By which you mean white," Shin pointed out.
"Yes, American!" Beverly insisted.
"I'm American," Amy Yuuzuki protested.
"As am I," said Maria Nagisa.
"No you're not," Beverly said condescendingly.
"We're Egyptian, if that counts for anything," Cleopatra offered. "And there's lots of aliens and nonhumans and I think a few people from other nationalities as well."
"Doesn't count," Beverly said dismissively.
"Are you sure this is not a monster in disguise?" A bewildered Antares asked.
"Regrettably, no," Shin said wearily. "Which actually makes her worse than your average monster when you think about it."
"Ms. Beverly, I don't understand. How does anything we're doing affect you? We live on completely different continents and have never crossed paths," Nushi pointed out.
"Because my children have been watching the adventures of you and your kind, through digital piracy! Which means you're tempting them into a life of crime as well!" Beverly yelled with righteous indignation. "Which is why I knew I had to come here and tell you to put a stop to it!"
The Bugrangers stared at her.
"So… You decided to go all the way to another country because some of your kids were watching our adventures online… To tell us to stop," Goro said slowly.
"Exactly!" Beverly said triumphantly.
"And… We should do this… Why, exactly?" Shin asked slowly.
"Because I'm important! Do you know who my husband is?" Beverly demanded.
"Should we?" Antares asked, genuinely curious.
"No, and none of us actually care," Nushi said, distracted by what was going on with Mibojin at that instant.
"Excuse me, he's a state senator-"
Nushi stood up, as did the rest of the Bugrangers. "I'm sorry, but I think we have to cut this panel short. Everyone, there's an emergency. The Swarm has infiltrated Shurikon next door, and they need our help badly! Anyone who is available, please come help us fight! You've all taken the latest vaccination, right?"
An embarrassingly small number of the heroes in the room raised their hands.
"Seriously?!"
Emu Hojo shook his head. "Disappointing, the lot of you."
"Emu, you forgot to get the latest vaccination too-" Parad started.
"There was a new game out, shut up! You forgot too!" Emu hissed.
"No I didn't," Parad said.
"Oh. Well now I feel like an idiot."
"Also, we're going to need some hair from the Shinkengers," Ariel said. "And not for creepy reasons, honest, it's a magic thing. I don't make the rules. Yet."
Strangely, the Shinkengers didn't look entirely convinced by this.
"Also, my kids and their friends are in a lot of trouble right now, so if anyone wants to help rescue them, it would be most appreciated," Goro said, drawing and loading his gun.
"Philia!" a horrified Aranea whispered.
Kari gasped. "The kids?!"
"Don't worry, we'll rescue them," Kazuta promised, a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"As will we," Hikaru said as the entire Ozu clan dramatically rose to their feet.
"And us as well!" Cleopatra proclaimed.
Understandably alarmed by this, pretty much every hero in the room got up to offer their support.
"Wait, what are you doing? I'm not done yet!" Beverly protested.
"Yes, you are," Goro said.
"Yeah, we don't really have time to continue entertaining your delusions of importance and entitlement brought on by a desperate attempt to convince yourself you're actually relevant and that you didn't throw your entire life away and horribly alter your body beyond recognition through way too many Botox injections for some guy who doesn't care one bit about you beyond giving him babies and is almost certainly banging his younger and prettier secretary, all the while fighting for policies which oppress people just like you while somehow convincing yourself said policies also don't apply to you," Shin said dismissively.
"Oh, is that what's going on?" Aranea realized. "That's almost tragic, I think."
"I could put her out of her misery," Antares offered, snapping his pincers.
"Maybe another time," his mistress said. "We're going to be busy for the foreseeable future."
"But… But-" Beverly stammered.
"I'm sure you've said this plenty of times throughout your life, so it is with no small amount of irony I tell you this: go back to where you came from," Ariel said with malicious glee, unwilling to forgive her for the awful things she'd said to Nushi or deliberately misgendering Mira.
"But… But… BUT!" Beverly shrieked in rage as an energy ring with a familiar emblem formed around her. "I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGEEEEEEEEEEER!"
And with that, she transformed into a Hitotsuki, making everything even worse.
So, on brand for her kind, really.
Philia and her friends stared in horror at the monster the collector had become.
"THE DOLLS… ARE MINE!"
He had the body of a red Hitotsuki, his upper body covered in wide golden shoulder armor with a short white cape with gold trim which wouldn't look out of place in ancient Egypt which also partially resembled hawk wings that flared at the tips. A ruby scarab was set in his sternum surrounded by carvings of a hawk, crocodile, Ibis, jackal, and cat. A white and gold silk kilt covered his hips. Gold bracers were wrapped around his forearms and ankles. His head was a golden Pharaoh mask and headdress, complete with kohl-lined eyes and a small cobra and vulture on his forehead.
"What the heck?!" Mei shrieked.
"I think he's become a Hitotsuki," Fuuka observed.
"The monsters those DonBrothers losers fight?" Cutaros recalled.
Fuuka nodded. "Yes, and given its clearly Egyptian influence, this one is based off of our friends the Egyptrangers, so should probably be called… Gokamiki?"
"Why do most Hitotsuki have a motif involving past Sentai?" Galacta wondered. "I mean, those Another Riders were like that for a specific reason, but…"
"No clue, Ms. Ariel says it's one of many unanswered questions which are part of the reason why nobody likes the DonBrothers," Philia said. "Along with more than half their team being total assholes."
"Give me the dolls!" The newly named Gokamiki bellowed.
"M-maybe we should do what he says?" Jun whimpered.
"Ridiculous! The Hive – and members of the Heavenly Sage Ariel fan club – never give into the demands of monsters, especially not ones who are going to do such horrible, horrible things to a representation of our idol!" Philia declared.
"Yeah, you're never getting those dolls!" Aki declared.
"Then you will die-" Gokamiki shouted, only for a pair of massive transparent stained glass fangs to dig into the sides of his neck, and he collapsed to his knees, gurgling in pain as parts of his body slowly began to crystallize.
Shitsuki pouted and lowered their axe, having hoped to baptize it in blood.
"I think not," Neycombe declared haughtily. "A meager meal you might be, but I will gladly devour the souls of any who threaten my friends and future lovers!"
"Awww, thanks Neycombe!" Fuuka gushed.
Luna frowned. "For the record, exactly which of us fit into each category?"
"Well-" Neycombe began, only to be interrupted when Gokamiki roared, his scarab glowing and firing a red energy beam at her.
Her eyes widened in horror.
They got even wider and more horrified when a tube-shaped figure blasted out of the massive pile of souvenirs and collectibles they'd picked up and tackled her out of the way of the blast, taking the blow instead. "VEILA!"
"It's just… Like the gypsy woman… Said…" Veila rasped, just before she was consumed in a flash of red light, and when it faded, she was encased in a gigantic plastic package with an even bigger cardback showing her face, with a short biography and list of her stats on the back.
(They weren't very good.)
Oh, and also she wasn't moving or breathing.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Neycombe shrieked, her concentration breaking and causing the fangs to shatter, Gokamiki rising to his feet.
Philia, Jun, Aki, and Mei screamed.
"HOLY SHIT!" Cutaros screamed.
"Wait, he's an Egyptranger-themed monster, why did he turn her into a toy instead of a mummy or something?" A confused Galacta asked.
"Unlike Another Riders, Hitotsuki powers rarely have anything to do with the Sentai they are themed after," Fuuka explained.
"Oh. That's stupid."
"Yes, it is."
"Don't worry, we can turn her back! I think," Philia said quickly. "Also, she'll be all right, standard monster of the week rules are in play, if Gokamiki is defeated then she'll turn back to normal."
"I'LL KILL HIM!" Neycombe shouted.
"Wait, don't!" Fuuka protested. "If a Hitotsuki is beaten by someone other than a DonBrother, I'm not sure what happens to their victims!"
"Where are we supposed to find the DonBrothers?! It's a big convention!" Mei shouted.
As if on cue, a holographic door opened in thin air and disgorged Don Momotaro and Don Dragoku.
DON MOMOTARO! YO BEST IN JAPAN!
TOPFLIGHT DRAGON!
"Oh, never mind."
"Wahahahaha! It's a festival! Festival!" Don Momotaro guffawed.
"Fear not, puny helpless children!" Don Dragoku shouted. "We'll save you-"
Gokamiki fired beams from his scarab, immediately turning both of them into life-sized action figures complete with packaging.
The children stared.
"Zero points," Fuuka commented.
"Well thanks for a shit load of nothing!" Aki shouted angrily.
"Now I have three new mint condition figures to join my collection!" Gokamiki giggled horrifyingly as his scarab started powering up again. "Now, to get the rest of you…"
"Not so fast!"
"What?!" Gokamiki cried, several unfamiliar figures in costumes suddenly grappling his limbs, trying to point his scarab at the ceiling so he couldn't shoot anyone with it.
"What? Who are they?" Asked the startled Galacta.
"They must be cosplayers trying to fulfill their fantasies of being heroes," Luna speculated.
"Don't be heroes, you guys! Leave it to the professionals, like my family!" Fuuka yelled.
"Who are on their way right now oh wait shit no another Hitotsuki popped up at the panel we might be on our own," Philia moaned.
"We are professionals!" One of the costumed people insisted.
The kids stared. "Huh?"
"I am the Knight of Owls, Kant!"
"God of Blue Dragon Marvel!"
"Tea Hero Sajin!"
"Bravery Owl Toshimach!"
"Happysman!"
"Koshu Kid Tryon!"
The kids stared. "Who?"
"Those all sound super fake," Mei complained. "Are you sure you aren't just a cosplay troupe?"
"No, we're real heroes, honest!" Kant insisted.
"Yeah, worth a Google," Marvel agreed.
"Well, Ms. Ariel has never heard of you, but if you insist," Philia said skeptically.
"All of you… Get off me!" Gokamiki snarled.
"Run, children! We'll hold him off!" Sajin cried.
"Okay," Shitsuki said.
"… You could've at least made a token protest…" Toshimach muttered.
"Everyone, let's go!" Philia commanded.
"But… But we can't leave Veila!" Neycombe wailed, struggling to drag the package her dear friend was in.
Philia, Fuuka, Luna, and Aki each drew a wand, chanted a spell, and the boxes containing Veila, Don Momotaro, and Don Dragoku, along with all their purchases, floated into the air.
"Oh, right, magic."
"Wait, why are we taking those failures with us?" Disgusted Cutaros asked.
"They might come in handy," Philia said, not really sounding like she believed it either.
"We'll see if we can figure out a way to save them, in the meantime, surely one of the many actual heroes at this convention can do something about that monster!" Galacta insisted.
"We're right here," Happysman said.
"Yes, I know."
Gokamiki howled in rage and started charging up his scarab again.
"Goulu Luuma Lujuna!" Philia chanted, causing a magic circle to form beneath their feet and teleport them away just before Gokamiki managed to break free and turn all the minor heroes into toys…
None of them noticing Veila's exoskeleton beginning to undergo an odd transformation…