Oh dear lord, this was a mistake…
I have no idea why I'm writing this. I blame all the horny authors out there, especially those in the Danmachi Fanfic Discord for making me write this blasphemy lol. That, and a really hilarious fanart I found.
Premise? Well, this was in response to all the people who say that Bell is nothing more than a simp after Omori released his recent 'What-If' story with Ryu.
To which I say: who the hell cares?
Instead of mocking Bell, we should embrace our inner simp and cherish our favorite waifus and husbandos!
So to celebrate, let me indulge you in a tale of three other fabulous(?) waifus as they discover their hidden potential and work tirelessly to have their favorite(?) Rabbit notice them, dammit!
Chapter 1: The Simps Encounter Their Husbando.
It was supposed to have been a routine mission. A simple expedition to show the new recruits what the Dungeon was supposed to be like. Instead, it turned into a nightmare, as she and her party were quickly wounded, exhausted, and about to be surrounded.
Laurier wasn't the strongest or the smartest member of Hermes Familia, but she did honest work, and wasn't afraid of getting her hands dirty. She specialized in infiltration and espionage, able to extract any kind of vital intel from a conversation without the other party knowing, and even being able to sneak into expensive mansions in the blink of an eye. Though the majority of elves would consider her actions barbaric and unbefitting of her race, Laurier understood the necessity of such skills in a city as dangerous and full of crime and deceit like Orario. At the very least, she could use her Skills to help others.
But for all her prowess in crawling through shadows and becoming the invisible spider that stalks her prey, she was still just an average Level 2, who found herself caught in a Monster Party on the 16th floor.
She was originally supposed to show a couple of new Familia members the ropes while taking them on a trip to the 18th floor, where she would let them relax while looking for any clues regarding the disappearances of "those" monsters. It should have been an easy mission for someone like her, who made the trip hundreds of times at this point. But apparently today she inherited some of Asfi's downright atrocious luck, as hordes of Minotaurs tore their way through the Dungeon walls, chasing her and her group further into the Dungeon.
Panting, she knelt on the ground, massaging her bruised and likely cracked ribs after she took a club to her chest to protect one of her party members. The two new Level 1s were behind her, cowering and clutching their weapons to their chests like a lifeline as they hugged the wall behind them.
Nearly 20 different Minotaurs watched them with salivating and bloodthirsty grins on their faces as they slowly advanced closer and closer, their weapons already dripping with blood from an unlucky fool who encountered them before they did.
Laurier grit her teeth and pulled out her sword, ready to lay down her life to protect her junior members. It may not have been how she envisioned the way her life would end, but she would do whatever it took to make sure her party would be able to escape. Trying to escape to the floors above would be a death sentence, but thankfully the people in Rivira had taken out the Goliath only a week prior, so if she bought them enough time they could run and escape to the 18th floor.
One of the Minotaurs advanced, and Laurier swung her sword, chopping off one of its legs.
"Run!" she shouted, pulling out her magic sword and launching a spell that created a gap in the horde, allowing her two followers to make a beeline for the 17th floor. Not even the Minotaurs would follow them through there, but with that last attack her magic sword shattered into pieces, and her Mind was nearly depleted. She barely had the strength to even raise her sword arm a few inches into the air, and now the Minotaurs knew it. With bloodthirsty smirks, they advanced, ready to tear the helpless Elf limb from limb.
Laurier closed her eyes, ready to face the end with the dignity of a proud Elf.
And not a moment too soon, a white whirlwind came to her rescue.
"HAAA!"
The Minotaurs found themselves turned into minced meat as a young man dashed into the crowd, using twin knives to slice the Monsters into pieces. With speed and dexterity easily surpassing that of what a brand new Level 2 was capable of, the boy swiftly dispatched them, leaving nothing but carnage in his wake.
"Oh, thank goodness I made it in time! Are you okay, Miss?"
Laurier opened her eyes, and saw the Universe ablaze in all its glory.
Or rather, the very center of her Universe stood in front of her.
Hair as pure white as snow, a youthful face that begged to be touched and licked (wait, what!?), red eyes as radiant as rubies, and arms just itching to envelop her in his warmth, the young man in front of her completely captured her attention, outshining even the Sun in his brilliance.
Her heart sped up a thousand beats a minute, her breaths grew deep and labored, her eyes dilated to the max, and embarrassingly, her underwear was utterly soaked and ruined. But Laurier could hardly care less.
She quickly recognized her savior: Bell Cranel, the Little Rookie and the Record Breaker. A brand new Adventurer who smashed through Aiz Wallenstein's record by reaching Level 2 in a month, and whom also greatly captured the attention of her God.
And by the gods, was he SO HANDSOME!
Laurier could feel drool dribbling down the sides of her mouth as she took in his utter perfection. He was everything she could ever ask for in a male: kind, strong, and somehow both dashing and adorable at the same time! The more she digested his disheveled appearance, soaking up the succulent smell of his sweat through her nose, the more she felt her body lose control.
Goosebumps ran all across her skin, her nipples could now cut straight through Adamantite, and her panties were now nothing more than a wet napkin. If she didn't do something soon, she'd make a massive puddle right under her feet! She had to escape!
But, a part of her (really, all of her), wanted nothing more than to pounce on the delectable rabbit in front of her and devour him whole! To make them completely and utterly inseparable! To have him bury himself so deeply within her that he would never be able to move an inch away from her body for the rest of his life!
And with that scary thought passing through her head, Laurier was wrenched from her fantasies.
She squealed in fear (or was it delight?), and ran straight past her savior, running all the way up the Dungeon to the outside world, completely forgetting about the comrades she saved down in the 18th floor.
Slaughtering any and all monsters in her path, Laurier struggled to reign in the raging hormones cascading down her body, trying her hardest to not imagine Bell Cranel's delicious body as she ran towards the surface!
…
…
…
…
"Well, the good news is that the rest of your party made it back safe and sound, but I'm honestly quite surprised with you, Laurier! It isn't like you to suddenly take off running like that! Or, uh, destroying the showers the moment you made it back home."
Laurier tried her hardest to fight down the blush threatening to blossom in her cheeks as both her Captain, Asfi, and her God stared at her in incredulity.
Her return to the Hermes Familia home had been… less than peaceful. Despite all her efforts, she just couldn't push the thought of Bell Cranel out of her mind, her heart practically filled to bursting with love and lust for the Little Rookie. Eventually, her lust reached an all-time peak, and in a fit of Elven Fury (or depravity?), she stormed into the ladies' bathing area, kicked everyone out on their butts, locked herself in, and proceeded to disrobe and utterly destroy the entire bathroom as she rolled around in ecstasy, chanting Bell Cranel's name as if each syllable could extend her life.
Thankfully, everyone had swiftly ran away from the scene the moment she was set loose, so no one had any idea why she reacted the way she did. Laurier would have buried herself alive in shame if her Familia discovered she destroyed the baths in an episode of orgasmic delight.
And to her relief, her party members returned completely safe and sound thanks to Bell rescuing them and sending them back up. Oh, had she known she would have jumped him then and there and sucked his soul right out of his tasty mouth!
And she'd definitely suck out more than his soul…
Laurier slapped her cheeks as Hermes and Asfi stared at her in worry.
No! Bad brain! Must think of pure thoughts! Think of the Great Elven Tree! Make your spirit and mind be as sturdy and strong as the Great Tree's trunk!
And maybe Little Rookie's trunk would be just as sturdy as…
"Um, Laurier? You're drooling?"
"Ah!" Laurier twitched as Asfi wiped the corner of her mouth with a handkerchief.
Hermes could only scratch his head in confusion. Laurier was definitely acting more strange than usual. "Well, in any case, why not have me update your Falna? I'm sure you accumulated some good Excelia after your encounter in the Dungeon."
Asfi politely turned away as Laurier lowered her dress, allowing Hermes to access her Falna. Plucking his finger with a needle, a drop of his blood fell on her back, allowing her Falna to glow with the insignia of her Familia.
"Eh?"
Hermes let out a tiny squeak, briefly jotting down Laurier's Falna before swiftly passing out.
"Lord Hermes!? What happened!?"
Asfi grabbed Laurier's Status Sheet, reading down the paper before her eyes honed in on the very bottom. At that very moment, her glasses shattered, her face lost all its color, and she too passed out, falling to the floor and frothing at the mouth.
"Huh!? I-is it really that bad?"
Laurier reached down and grabbed her Status Sheet. Giving it a read, she was surprised by the rather large increase in her Status, advancing far more than she even thought possible, despite having been a Level 2 for over 3 years now.
"That can't be right. I didn't really do anything great, and Little Rookie had to come save me, so why…"
And that was when she looked down at the bottom of the paper, where a brand new Skill made itself known to her.
And when she finished reading her Skill, Laurier could feel her smile stretching across her face, as naughty thoughts ran rampant in her mind.
"Oh my! I knew it! This, this is true love!"
She let out a triumphant shout, giggling madly as she jumped up and down in joy, before she took in a deep gulp of air and screamed to the Heavens.
"Bell Cranel! I. WILL. MAKE. YOU. MINE!"
Elsewhere…
"Uh, Lefiya? You okay over there?"
Said Elf was stewing in her seat, completely ignoring her food in front of her as literal smoke bellowed from her ears. Glaring at her breakfast as if it personally murdered her friends and family in front of her eyes, Lefiya's expression practically traumatized most of Loki Familia as they passed her by.
Aiz, Tione, Tiona, Elfy, and Aki all looked on with worry as she continued to grumble darkly in her seat, her murderous expression still present even after breakfast had ended.
"Lefiya, you alright? You look like you wanna murder someone. Did something happen during our expedition? Oh! Or are you feeling grumpy because ya didn't get to Level Up yet?" Tiona said, lightly poking Lefiya's cheek.
It had been a few days after they had returned from their expedition to the 59th floor, and it was a cause for celebration for the entire Familia. Tione, Tiona, and Bete had Leveled up, and even Lefiya herself could become a Level 4 at any moment if she so chooses, only abstaining so she could raise her Magic to S rank.
But that wasn't what was troubling her.
Instead, her thoughts were preoccupied by what happened right before they all left for the surface. When she had gone on another adventure on the 18th floor, fighting alongside someone who she once viewed as nothing more than a pest.
Bell Cranel, the mysterious young man who somehow monopolized Aiz's attention, broke her record, and even peeped on her in all her naked glory!
He was a pervert of the highest degree! A true low-life! A lecher who sucked girls dry and defiled their pure bodies! He took and took, leaving nothing but pain and misery in his wake! Lefiya knew the moment she met him that she would despise him till the end of her days!
That was, until they fought together against the mysterious Monster of Evilus on the 18th floor.
And right then and there, her attitude towards him had taken a massive U-turn.
Suddenly, her previous agitation towards him had mysteriously vanished. She was no longer angry at him for peeping on her idol and crush. In fact, thinking about that incident again only made her feel one thing and one thing alone.
Jealousy. And the scary part was, it wasn't Bell she was jealous of.
Her thoughts were sent into turmoil as the reality of the situation settled in her mind. Rather than feeling disgust and hatred for the Rabbit, her heart now lamented that Bell hadn't peeped on her instead!
Miss Aiz? Who cared about him peeping on her!?
It should have been ME! Not her!
And that realization sickened her to her stomach.
Lefiya shook her head wildly with a growl, startling her friends around her. This shouldn't make any sense! Why on earth would she feel this way towards her rival!? Since when did his ugly rabbit features start making her heart beat rapidly!? Since when did the sight of his bare chest, shown to her when she washed his shirt after tripping and spilling food all over it, excite her so much down below!? And since when did that smile of his cause so much warmth in her chest and face!?
It all started with that smile! That. Damn. Smile!
"GGGRRRRAAAAA!" Lefiya screamed, nearly causing the others to back away slowly from her as she stood up and ran to Loki.
Since when did she start falling for BELL CRANEL!?
This had to be a curse of some kind! Or some sick, twisted magic he used on her to make her feel this way! It was the only reason that made sense! Her feelings for Aiz or Filvis shouldn't have disappeared so suddenly like that! It didn't make sense for her to get a massive thrill whenever she recalled how he heroically saved her from that monster, or how she reveled in how his hand had dipped so close to her breasts!
She had to get to the bottom of this problem, stat! There was ABSOLUTELY NO WAY SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH BELL CRANEL!
"LOKI! UPDATE MY FALNA NOW!" Lefiya roared, slamming the door to her Goddess's office wide open.
Loki had an entire pitcher of Soma spill all over her body as she violently jerked in shock from the sudden visit. Normally, she'd have kicked up a hissy fit for having someone waste all her precious Soma (it was the last one she had!), but the downright bloodthirsty expression on Lefiya's face quickly shut those feelings down. If she didn't do as she said, she had a feeling that she'd be sent straight to Heaven faster than she could say 'boobs!'
"A-are you sure!? Didn't I just update your Status a couple of days ago-EEP!" Loki flinched as Lefiya pulled out a dagger from her person and stabbed into the area right in front of her God's crotch.
"UPDATE. FALNA. NOW!" Lefiya roared, already pulling her dress down and presenting her back.
Had the circumstances been different, Loki would have tried to cop a feel of Lefiya's growing chest, but she valued her life far more at the moment. Quickly pricking her finger, she accessed Lefiya's Falna.
"L-look, see? Nothing new so far, all your stats remained the same and, wait… WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FLYING FUCK IS THAT!?"
Lefiya only gave Loki 2 seconds to write her Status down before she shoved her god aside and quickly read through the paper, before her eyes shot wide open in horror as she read the bottom of the page.
"No… No!"
Loki made her way to the door, already ready to bolt the moment things went south. "N-now look, Lefiya! T-this isn't a bad thing! I mean, the Skill, uh, has its perks! A-and you are at that age after all! I-it's perfectly normal to fall in…"
When Lefiya raised her head up, Loki immediately ran from her office and fled for her life. Just in time too, as her entire office lit up in a blue glow, before the entire room exploded.
"I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH BELL CRANEL!"
…
…
…
Somewhere in the dining room, Finn felt his thumb violently twitch, before suddenly snapping in two.
"Well… that's not good." He muttered, staring in puzzlement at his now mutilated thumb.
And that was when he heard the scream.
Gareth grabbed an entire barrel of beer and guzzled it down in one go, while Riveria felt a massive headache coming up.
"What on earth did she do now!?"
Also Elsewhere…
Hörn felt her body twitch violently, sweat pouring down her skin as she tossed and turned on her bed.
Her Goddess Freya had taken to 'Bell-watching' again, and sadly for the poor girl, it was one of those days.
Immense waves of pleasure blossomed across her body and soul, making her hips bounce up and down as the throes of her orgasm cascaded in waves.
Unfortunately, whenever Freya was in one of her moods, it would take an entire day for her to settle down, and so Hörn barricaded herself in her room and cupped her hand to her mouth, praying that no one could hear her moans as she found herself locked in another spiral of ecstasy.
Due to her unique Magic, Hörn had the power to temporarily 'become' Freya, taking on her appearance, voice, and even some parts of her Arcanum. She would essentially become Freya's double, sharing all of her thoughts and sensations as if the two were one and the same.
At first, Hörn had been ecstatic to learn that she gained such a Magic in the first place. When Freya found her all those years ago, she had sworn then and there that she would be by her Goddess's side for all eternity, her mortal body be damned. She would do whatever it takes to be just like her, a Goddess truly worthy of worship.
But then everything changed, when HE appeared.
Hörn had grown to despise the mere existence of Bell Cranel. He was a blight, a parasite that wore down all of Freya's best qualities, reducing her to nothing more than a young maiden! And worst of all, Freya loved him even more for it!
And to call it 'love' was a massive understatement. Freya lived and breathed for Bell Cranel alone. If he asked her to give him the world, she would Charm all of existence if it meant he would be by her side. And the more Bell grew stronger, the more he grew to be a Hero, the deeper Freya fell for him.
Freya's love for Bell Cranel was a black hole, one that swallowed everything around it and left nothing behind. She desired him, yearned for him, lusted for him with a passion no mortal or God could match.
And when her desire for him reached a certain peak, she surrendered herself to pleasure, doing whatever it took to satiate her infinite desire. And since Hörn shared all of her Goddess's sensations…
Hörn fought down another loud moan as her body nearly twisted backwards in on itself. She soon felt another tsunami of desire flood her loins once more, her entire bed now utterly drenched in her nectar. She could only let out a pitiful sound as the onslaught of orgasms continued to build up inside her, her connection to her Goddess leaving her helpless as her body, mind, and soul were wrapped in the spell that was Bell Cranel.
'LITTLE ROOKIE! I SWEAR I WILL MURDER YOU! I WILL TEAR YOU LIMB BY LIMB! I WILL RIP THE FLESH FROM YOUR BONES, AND SMASH YOUR LECHEROUS BRAIN AND HEART INTO PASTE! I WILL FORCE-FEED YOU YOUR OWN INTESTINES! AND WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOUR ROTTING BODY, I WILL RIDE YOU TO DEATH AND DRINK YOUR BLOOD AND SPERM STRAIGHT FROM YOUR-!'
Hörn's thoughts were interrupted as another orgasm, this one far more powerful than her previous ones, sent tingles up her spine, making her fall from her bed and onto the floor, spasming nonstop.
'Goddess, why!? Why must you torture me like so!?' Hörn thought dejectedly, resigning herself to a nightmare filled with pleasure.
…
…
…
…
It was already the next morning by the time Hörn's descent into Hell (or Heaven?) finally abated. With weak, twitching arms, she raised herself from the floor, brushing her sopping wet hair from her forehead.
Her room was in complete disarray, her blankets, clothes, and sheets all tossed to the floor. The entire bedroom stank of her musk, and her nightdress was utterly soaked in sweat and her fluids. She took in the depraved sight with horror, her hatred for Bell Cranel reaching an all-time high.
"Grrr! I look like one of those whores from the Pleasure District! Damn you, Bell Cranel!"
Hörn wanted nothing more than to strip the skin and muscles from that rabbit's skeleton, but paradoxically a part of her also wanted to milk him dry until he screamed her name, pledging his soul to her and her alone.
She froze, as the realization sunk in. Despite her hatred for the boy, she knew that he was ultimately Lady Freya's destined Odr. She would do whatever it took to make sure that Lady Freya was satisfied, even if it meant making sure Bell Cranel fell for Syr.
So why was it that she fantasized about Bell screaming and moaning HER name, not Syr's or Freya's!? His cute but punchable face, twisted in pleasure and pain as he shouted 'Hörn' at the top of his lungs!?
Could this be a product of her Magic, her connection with Freya making her fall in love with Bell Cranel by proxy? Or did she actually fall in love with him…
So unsettled by this thought, Hörn rushed out of her room, running straight to Lady Freya's office. It was at this moment that she nearly ran into Heith, the Familia's healer.
"Ah…"
"…"
Heith took one look at Hörn's disheveled appearance, her soaking wet dress, her messy hair, and then wrinkled her nose in disgust as the smell of sex wafted towards her.
"Uh…"
"YOU. WILL. NEVER. SPEAK. A WORD OF THIS. TO. ANYONE!"
Hörn knew that her threat was moot, as Heith was a Level 4 and a seasoned combatant, far stronger than her Level 2 self, but she prayed that Heith would take pity on her and not ask any questions.
Thankfully, she nodded slowly and backed out of the way, letting her through. Hörn let out a sigh of relief as she passed her by, but not until Heith let out a few choice words.
"Next time you want to flick the bean, make sure you clean yourself up afterwards. You really stink."
Hörn could only turn bright red in utter shame as she ran from the spot.
After washing herself nonstop for a good 3 hours, Hörn finally made her way to her Goddess's quarters. Opening the door, she was relieved to see that Ottar wasn't by Lady Freya's side, as what she wanted to discuss was absolutely not for his eyes and ears to witness.
Lady Freya lounged on her chair, her face still smiling in bliss as she cradled a massive body pillow with an image of Bell in her arms, her hips gyrating back and forth as she tried to wrench just a little more pleasure from her fantasies.
"Lady Freya, are you free? I was wondering if you could update my Status." She asked, praying that her Goddess wouldn't partake in another marathon of pleasure.
"? How strange, you almost never ask for a Status update. Not since you first became a Level 2 all those years ago." Freya pondered, thankfully moving her Bell body pillow to the side. Hörn let out a relieved sigh and removed her dress, letting her Goddess spill a drop of her sacred blood on her back.
Her Falna lit up, illuminating the room with the blow glow of the Valkyrie on her back. Lady Freya lazily wrote down her Status, before letting out a surprised gasp once she reached the bottom.
"Goddess?" Hörn asked hesitantly, suddenly feeling a sense of foreboding anger from her patron due to her Magic.
"Hörn?" Freya said in a menacing tone.
"Eep! Y-yes, my Goddess? Have I upset you?"
"You know I want Bell Cranel, correct?"
Hörn nodded rapidly.
"And you know that I will stop at nothing to make him mind, correct?"
"Y-yes, absolutely!"
"Then, do you mind explaining this to me?"
Freya gave her her Status sheet, a very pissed off expression plastered on her face, and Hörn grabbed it with shaking hands.
Looking down, she noticed a surprising increase to all her stats, despite never having fought in a long time.
And then she reached the bottom.
Hörn's heart stopped beating.
"Well?" Freya said impatiently, her foot tapping the floor repeatedly.
Hörn let out a demented scream, one that echoed across the entirety of Folkvangr. For the first time since the Familia's inception, the Baptisms of combat held outside were interrupted, as everyone including the executives, looked up to the tower in shock and horror, startled by the blood-curdling cries of horror.
Meanwhile, in Hestia Familia's Decrepit Church...
"Eep!"
"Hm? What's wrong, Master Bell?"
"You okay Bell? You look like you've seen a ghost."
Bell had been eating breakfast alongside Lili and Hestia when he suddenly shivered, his skin turning a deathly pale color.
"I feel like something bad is about to happen to me, Goddess…" Bell said in horror.
Both girls turned to each other in confusion, surprised by his ominous premonition.
"Master Bell, did you have a nightmare or something?"
"No, wait a minute! I sense a disturbance in the air! As if a bunch of horny girls are trying to reach out to MY Bell at once!"
"Goddess Hestia, you really need to stop eating Jagamarukun." Lili shook her head, not even bothering to entertain the busty God.
Bell swallowed his breakfast heavily, the bad feeling he had earlier still sitting at the back of his mind.
For some reason, he felt like he had unwittingly unleashed a pack of ravenous beasts after him.
Laurier Swall
Level 2
STR: D253
END: E470
DEX: C343
AGI: C400
MAG: B200
Skill: [Lustful Yearning] (Perpetual Heat): User gains increased Excelia and rapid growth based on the user's lustful desires and devotion to her soulmate. Increased sexual desires and devotion will cause increased growth.
Magic: [Elven Shadow] (Stalker's Persistence): Allows the user to turn invisible upon chant. User will be unable to be detected by sight, sound, touch, or audio while spell is in effect.
Lefiya Viridis
Level 3
STR: I86
END: H184
DEX: G210
AGI: G271
MAG: B797
MAGE: H
ABNORMAL RESISTANCE: I
Magic:
[Arcs Ray]
[Fusillade Fallarica]
[Elf Ring]
Skill: [Tsundere's Dilemma] (Denial of Inner Voice): User gains increased Excelia and rapid growth based on the user's denial of their desires and love towards their soulmate. Increased denial of the user's true feelings will cause increased growth.
Hörn
Level 2
STR: H122
END: I94
DEX: G227
AGI: H180
MAG: S998
Sacred Treasure: D
Magic: [Vana Seith]
Skills:
[Dea Charta]
[Vanadis Schul]
[Yandere's Twisted Desires] (Intertwining Love and Hate): User gains increased excelia and rapid growth based on the user's desires, love, and hatred for their soulmate. Increased feelings of love, lust, and hatred will cause increased growth.
Well... that just happened.
Been having some writer's block with my other Danmachi stories so I wrote this in a couple of hours lol. My aim was that if I wrote something really stupid then a 'Eureka' moment will come up eventually.
Did it succeed? Nope.
But hey, this was just a dumb little side project I came up with on the sly. No idea if I will continue this or not. If this gets enough attention then maybe I'll continue it, and if not? Oh, well.
By the way, for some reason Laurier and Horn aren't listed as character choices for the story's pairing options, so apologies for their absence.
Anyways, hope you found some enjoyment from this dumpster fire of a fanfic. If enough people like this, then we'll continue our adventure as our newly christened simps march forth, eagerly looking for their husbando. One will lust after him, more thirsty than a dying man in a desert. Another will constantly deny her feelings, confusing everyone around her. And the third will feel both unhinged lust and hate towards her beloved, wishing him death and eternal orgasmic pleasure. Who will win in this clash of wills? And will poor Bell survive this onslaught? Or will he succumb to the tempation of 3 extremely thirsty waifus?