Despite the embarrassing scene at the racetrack, Galen couldn't help but feel profoundly relieved as he stepped out of Dr. Aldo's office. The bills had eaten up almost all of his share of the prize money; but at least he had been able to pay them in full; he had even been able to buy all the necessary herbs for Zana's teas and poultices on top of it. They would now last for at least two moons. Galen hoped that after that time they wouldn't be necessary anymore.
He stopped at a bakery to buy two honey cakes - they didn't sell fruity cocktails, but maybe the cakes would suffice to remind Zana of that first time they had met...
Or maybe he shouldn't remind her of that time, when they had both been so carefree, so... young.
With a twitching nose, Galen shook his head and resumed his walk back to the inn. This was ridiculous, they were only seven months older now. It just felt longer, because so much had happened in the meantime. So many bad things.
The honey was seeping through the leaf package, making his hands sticky. No, it wouldn't be a good idea to evoke that past, to provoke a comparison to the present. They would only contemplate what they had lost, and instead of a romantic meeting, it would be just like any other time they found themselves sitting at the same table: silent... distant.
Galen threw the soggy package away and turned left, into River Lane.
The pub's name was Safe Harbor, employing the not-too-subtle humor of hardworking apes who sought to escape their wives' strict rule at home. Galen always felt slightly guilty when he entered it - as if by stepping under that sign, he agreed that Zana was one of those shrews. But it had been the nearest pub on his way home, and right now, he needed a safe harbor, though not from Zana.
The patrons greeted him enthusiastically, congratulating him on his win, and inviting him for rounds of keppa, darts, or just drinking - the last offer with the clear expectation that after the first round of cider, he'd spend all his remaining prize money on buying rounds for all of them.
Galen smiled and refused all offers politely, slowly pushing his way through the crowding, back-slapping apes and towards the bar. "I'll buy you one round, gentlemen..." He waited until the cheers had died down.
"But I'm afraid it'll be only one round - you know that my wife is ill. That money went to her doctor, so I'm as poor as I was before Liquid Fire pounded all your favorites."
Laughter, jeers, and whistles erupted again at his last words, and Galen joined the laughter and waved for the barmaid to start pouring cider into the waiting tankards.
He retreated to the far end of the bar, sipping his cider and wishing for something more substantial, to take the edge off. So far, he had resisted ordering anything stronger than cider - he was still aware enough to realize that the step from cider to liquor would be one step too far.
Besides, if the cider didn't help, the liquor wouldn't either - not in the long run.
Another ape sidled up to him, maybe hoping for a second round. Galen buried his face in his tankard, hoping the Chimp would have vanished by the time he'd set it down again.
"For a man who celebrates a spectacular win, you don't look happy," the Chimp remarked.
Galen didn't bother to suppress a sigh. "Oh, I am celebrating," he said, and tipped a finger against his chest. "In here."
The Chimp eyed him skeptically, rapping his empty tankard onto the bar. The barmaid flicked him a glance, but didn't react. Galen's nose twitched; his suspicion deepened that this Chimp didn't have any money for a refill left, and was hoping to leech off him.
"Well, if I didn't know better, I'd think you're moping over the money you're losing out on right now," the Chimp said, and stared contemplatively into his empty mug.
Galen sniffed and demonstratively took another draw from his own mug. "My human is not for sale."
The Chimp threw him a sideways glance. "You really don't know what ol' Marpo is doing with your beastie up there?"
Galen let his tankard sink and stared at the ape. "I'm not sure I understand what you're saying..."
The Chimp grinned and waggled suggestively with his mug. "I might tell ya, if my throat wasn't so dry..."
Galen held his gaze for a moment, then heaved a deep sigh and waved for the barmaid. "One more for this esteemed gentleman, on my tab. - No need to thank me so enthusiastically," he muttered, when the Chimp slapped his back. "Now what did you want to tell me about Marpo and my human?"
The Chimp, who even after being served his drink hadn't bothered to introduce himself, made a show of taking a deep, deep draw from his mug - he probably emptied it in that one go. Galen hoped he wouldn't fall off his chair; he had paid for the information that ape claimed to have.
The ape finally set down his tankard with a sigh, and wiped his mouth. "Well, Marpo is keeping your human busy up there, to the joy and profit of himself, and the Red Bushcat, the Purple Sun, the Green Hawks..."
"Wait, wait, wait," Galen cut in. "Those names... sound suspiciously similar to some kennels ..."
"Yeah, well, yes, that's because they are kennels. If Marpo keeps exhausting your beast like that, I'll doubt it'll run as fast in the next race." The Chimp chuckled and put the mug at his lips. He heaved an unhappy sigh when he realized it was already empty again.
"That is... interesting," Galen said slowly. "And quite disconcerting."
"If I was you, I'd go up and kick him in the ass for keeping all that money for himself," the ape said. He held his mug under Galen's nose, but Galen ignored the silent prompt.
He rose, and patted the ape on the shoulder. "Thank you so much for your concern," he said. "You've been a great help, and, ah... don't drink so much. It's bad for your health." He threw some sembles on the counter, and made for the door.
The warm air outside hit him like a hammer. It was strange - he had only had one drink, that he hadn't even finished - but after a moment, Galen realized that his head wasn't pounding from the alcohol, but from anger.
And guilt.
He knew that he had been hard on Peet, maybe too hard, on occasion. Alan deserved his anger, but Peet hadn't done anything wrong, except for following Alan into that cursed city, as they all had done.
It was just Peet's attitude towards him, the dogged defiance at every occasion, that made his fur bristle. Peet was - difficult. And the difficulties had only grown since Urko had... had spent time with him. Galen supposed that it was the human's pigheadedness that had saved his life back then, but it wasn't as admirable a trait when he was the target of that aggressiveness. It had been easier when Peet's sarcasm had been confined to jokes and puzzling idioms - they had turned it almost into a game, back then...
But that had been before Urko. And before Zana had lost...
Before he had lost that child. Had lost that future, with children, with a happy Zana...
Galen's heart clenched in his chest, a sudden pain that made him gasp for breath. He, he couldn't think about this now, it was pointless anyway, and he had to take care of more immediate things.
He couldn't allow Marpo to exploit Peet like that. It wasn't right, for one thing, but it would also harm Peet's performance in the next race. And like it or not, they needed the money. They needed to stock up on supplies, and they needed to buy equipment for the winter, not just for themselves, but for the horses, too...
Galen slowly dragged his feet towards the inn, wishing for nothing more than to fall into his bed and sleep for a long, long time.
Instead, Alan was sitting at a table in the guest room, clearly waiting for him. Galen felt tempted to just ignore him, and go upstairs, but he knew that look in the human's eyes by now. Alan had given him a wide berth ever since they had left Silam - if he sought him out now, something must've happened.
Well, of course. Bad news always arrived in a crowd.
Galen stopped at the table and looked down at him. "I gather you were waiting for me?"
Alan smiled slightly, though it didn't reach his eyes. "I am. We need to talk about Pete's prize money."
Galen slowly sat down at the table. "I spent the biggest part of it on Zana's medical expenses, and the rest will buy us food, and," he waved a hand towards the guest room behind him, "our lodgings here. I can show you the receipts, if you want."
Alan shook his head. "I never assumed that you'd keep the money for yourself, but that's not the point. Pete would've given all of his share for Zana's medical expenses, too - if he had been given a share."
The human leaned forward, searching his gaze. "Pete earned that money, Galen. He trained hard, and he fought for that win. He deserves to get a share of that money... more than that brute who calls himself his trainer."
Galen winced at the mention of Marpo. "He could've asked me in private," he muttered. "It's just not done, nobody would've understood, and we don't want to stick out, remember?"
"Well, nothing would've stopped you from giving him his share in private, afterwards." Alan's voice was as calm and soft as always, but there was a steely undertone in it.
He was right, Galen admitted to himself. Alan was right, he just hadn't thought of it. At first, he had been too embarrassed, and angry, and then Peet had vanished to the work camp again, and then he had been so happy to be able to pay his debts with Dr. Aldo...
But there was no way he'd let Alan know any of that. Alan didn't have a right to speak to him like that. Not after what he had taken from him, and from Zana.
He'd kick out Marpo. Then he'd be able to afford giving Peet a part of that money. Maybe ten percent. Or twenty, which would be twenty percent more than any racing human had ever received for its troubles.
"I'll think about it," was all he said. Alan looked disapproving, but nodded.
Galen dug into his money pouch. "And I need you to buy some more leather," he said, and put a fistful of sembles on the table. "As welcome as Peet's racing money is, it's almost gone now, and we need to buy oats for the horses. With winter approaching, the weather will get bad, and they'll need it."
Alan flicked him an exasperated glance; he knew that he was being dismissed. But he scooped up the money without comment, and left.
Galen listened as the human's dragging steps moved towards the door, and then disappeared. He should go upstairs now, but he couldn't make his legs obey. He couldn't face Zana now.
He stayed where he was, listening to the silence.
The most important trick to get through each day, Burke mused, was not to dwell on the things you've lost: like the taste of coffee, or of a cold beer. Remembering sensations always provoked a crash into darkest depression, much more viciously than remembering events ever did.
But right now, Pete Burke wished for a cigar. Too bad the damn monkeys only smoked pipes. He wouldn't be found dead with a pipe in his mouth, so he had to go without a cigar, or a beer, or coffee. He let out a little sigh and turned his head to kiss the girl in his arms instead. That, at least, was something the monkeys had left him.
Or rather, he had reclaimed it from them.
After Urko... after... he'd been dead inside. Dead all over. Numb. Sometimes, he had been afraid he'd be a monk for the rest of his life, like Al. Though with Al, it was different. The man was just disciplined, took his marriage vows really seriously. Burke couldn't think of anyone he'd ever known who wouldn't have bonked that girl in the malaria village.
You're too good for this world, Al.
After his victory in the first race, some girls had wandered into the work camp and chatted him up. He'd told them not to come - it wasn't safe for them. They had just laughed it off. And, well, it had been flattering to be followed by a bunch of pretty girls. Like having groupies. He might not be a rock star, but hey, he was a racing ace, right? And he'd... at first he'd been a bit worried, but as he discovered, there was no need to be worried at all.
He didn't feel bad about it. He wasn't taking anything that wasn't willingly offered. And hell, they sure were willing!
The girl in his arms stretched and yawned, and the feeling of her warm skin gliding against him woke him up completely. Burke smiled and rolled on top of her. "Morning, princess. It's a nice, sunny day... how about making it even nicer?"
The girl... he didn't even know her name; but then he had no idea if she knew him by anything else but Liquid Fire. Anyway, that's not what their relationship was about. The girl smiled and embraced him, and Burke pushed his arms under her back and buried his face in her neck. The sun was already above the horizon; but maybe if they were real quick...
Yeah, it felt good to have this back, to get himself back together, piece by piece by piece...
... but the feeling didn't last for long. It held exactly until he sauntered into their rooms at the inn, and saw the expression on Galen's face.
Amused. Thoroughly exasperated.
"I had some curious news reach me," Galen said, with a tone dry enough to soak up the Mississippi, "about your latest exploits in the work camp."
"My sex life ain't none of your business," Burke muttered. "Why do you care if the girls like me?"
"I do care," Galen said with the same deadpan expression, "because apparently Marpo made your sex life his business - and quite a lucrative one, too."
Burke stared at him. "What? What the hell are you talking about?"
Galen leaned forward and folded his hands on the table. "Where do you think all those women are coming from, Pete? Do you think they're falling out of the trees? You won the Sapan race, as a total outsider - lots of stable owners saw you run, but it's clear that you're not up for sale. So what's the next best thing?" He leaned back in his seat again, his fingers drumming on the tabletop.
For a moment, Burke was too stunned to say anything, too stunned to move. His knees felt like water.
I was wrong. I'm not getting anything back. It was the only thought in the humming emptiness of his mind.
"Alan asked me to find a way to fire Marpo as your trainer," Galen said, as if from far away. "As uncomfortable as this turn of events is for you, it at least gives me a viable reason to do so - after all, he has been defrauding me of my mating fees."
"Where is Al?" He had to know where not to go. His face felt numb. I was wrong.
"He's gone to town, he won't be back for at least another atseht. Why?"
Burke turned to the door. "Never mind." Al was probably buying stuff for his leatherwork. It would be unlikely he'd run into him, if he kept to the outskirts of the town.
He needed to be alone. He needed some fresh air. He needed... to be somewhere without apes.
Yeah, good luck with that.
In the end, he found himself back in the hole the apes had outfitted for him and Virdon, after aimlessly wandering along the banks of a river he hadn't even known was there. But he hadn't had the time yet to admire the sights of Sapan, while he was spending most of his time up in the mountains, cutting wood.
And prostituting himself for Marpo.
I was wrong. I didn't get anything back. The apes own everything. Everything.
There's no part left of me that belongs to me anymore.