Notes: Mari and Sammy - words can't fully express how grateful I am to the both of you for the love and support you've given me the last six weeks. You're the definition of la famiglia, and I'll never forget it.
This story was originally posted on January 20, 2016. Family support and sharing memories have been so important to me the last few weeks.
On July 19th, my mother was unexpectedly placed on a ventilator in the ICU when she was unresponsive after a scheduled surgery. Though she was able to come off the ventilator a few days later, it became clear that the damage to her respiratory system was too much for her body and we made the difficult decision to move her to hospice care where she passed away peacefully on August 5th.
She was an incredible woman, touching hundreds of lives as an elementary school teacher, and she taught me so much about the importance of caring for others and doing what's right. For the last twenty years, she battled Inclusion-Body Myositis, a progressive disease that weakened her muscles, finally affecting the ones she needed to breathe on her own. Despite all the challenges life placed on her, she lived to the end with bravery, dignity, and grace. She will be remembered by all who knew her as an endlessly kind, thoughtful, and generous woman with a beautiful, warm smile, and she will live on forever in our hearts and in our memories.
Author Tribute - Special Memories (A McRoll in the REAL World Story)
Tuesday, 5:00am
Catherine lay curled beside Steve, both asleep, when the sound of a buzzing phone woke them. Steve turned his head, raising it enough to look at his night table where his phone was quiet.
"That's you," he said, his voice rough with sleep, but Catherine was already shifting the covers to sit up.
Her brow furrowed as she picked up her phone and read the caller ID. She sat back against the headboard and accepted the call, pushing hair back and pressing the phone to her ear.
"Dad?"
"Catherine, honey," Joseph Rollins' normally strong voice sounded weary. "I'm sorry to call so early."
"What happened?" Catherine immediately asked.
Steve leaned up on his elbow beside her, his own brow creasing as he waited. He reached up and untwisted the strap of her tank top, watching in concern.
"It's Aunt Louise," Joseph said.
Catherine tensed. "Aunt Louise . . ."
"She passed early this morning."
Catherine closed her eyes. Her hand slackened, and the phone slipped down her cheek a little as she sighed.
From her reaction, Steve guessed what had happened, and he reached under the covers for her hand. She tightened her fingers around his, exhaling slowly, and shifted the phone back up.
"Oh, Dad. I'm so sorry. How are you doing?"
"Thank you, honey. I'm okay. I'm going to fly out later today to help your aunt and uncle with the arrangements. I'll let you know when everything's settled, but we should have the service by the end of the week."
Catherine locked eyes with Steve. "We'll be there."
He nodded without hesitation.
"Good," Joseph said. "That's good." He sighed, but his voice sounded a little less heavy now that he'd spoken to his daughter. "Okay. I should get going, there's a lot to do. I just . . . wanted to tell you myself."
"Thank you. I'm glad you did."
"I love you, honey."
"Love you, too, Dad."
She ended the call and looked at the phone in her lap for a moment. Sighing, she put it back on night table.
Cammie had come over to the side of the bed during the call and placed a paw up by Catherine, staring at her. Catherine smiled softly and scratched her ear, sighing again.
Steve sat up, moving closer. "Come here," he said quietly.
He wrapped an arm around her, and she leaned against him. He kissed her temple and tucked his head against hers. "I'm sorry, Cath," he whispered.
"Thanks," she breathed.
They sat quietly for a long moment before she sighed and spoke again. "I should have visited more."
He tightened his arm around her. "Hey –"
"I knew she wasn't doing great."
"You went a couple times since she was moved to the facility."
She shifted slightly so she could look at him. "Yeah, but still. After I retired from active duty, that's something I wanted to do more, you know? Visit family."
He nodded. "I know," he said quietly.
She wiped at the tears in her eyes and smiled softly. "She had a good, long life."
"Yeah, she was 89, right?"
"Yeah. Would've been 90 this year. Dad said the service will probably be by the end of the week."
He nodded, echoing her words to her father. "We'll be there."
Her brow creased as she thought about their workload. "What about the–"
"We'll make it happen," he said firmly. "We'll be there. Both of us."
She smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you," she said and put a hand to his cheek.
"Always," he said and kissed her gently before pressing his lips to her head again. "You know that."
Joseph picked Steve and Catherine up from the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport Thursday evening and drove them back to his brother and sister-in-law's house in Bellevue.
Susan Rollins met them at the door after Joseph had pulled his brother's SUV into the garage.
"Hi, Aunt Susan," Catherine said as she got out of the backseat.
"Catherine, dear, thank you for coming," Susan, a smiling woman in her late fifties, said. "I'm so glad you could get away. I know how busy you are."
Catherine hugged her. "Of course we came."
Steve came up behind Catherine with their bags, followed by Joseph.
"Steve," Susan said, and he leaned around Catherine so she could give him a quick hug.
"Hi, Susan."
"What can we do?" Catherine asked.
"Right now you can come in and let me get a better look at that ring," Susan said, taking her left hand and pulling her inside. "Jim just went to pick up dinner. Your mother and Grandma Ang are inside. We just have to finish picking out photographs for the displays. The funeral director said we could drop them off in the morning and they'd have them ready for the service." She looked behind her. "Steve, we've got you and Catherine in the basement bedroom, same as when you came in the fall."
"Okay," Steve said. "Thank you again for letting us stay."
She reached back and squeezed his arm. "Of course, you're family."
Catherine gave Steve her coat, and he detoured down the stairs to put their bags in the bedroom they'd use for the next two nights.
As the other three walked to the dining room, Catherine asked her aunt, "How are Laura and Lucy and everyone? They'll be here tomorrow, right?"
"Oh, yes. But Laura's leaving the boys with Seth's mother. They're so young."
"That's understandable. And Lucy and Kenneth?" She winced as she mentioned her cousin's sometimes boyfriend.
"On the outs again. Her choice this time, apparently."
They reached the dining room where albums and boxes of photos were laid out. Elizabeth stood from her chair and came over to her daughter.
"Catherine, honey. How was the flight?"
"It was fine," Catherine said, hugging her mother. She moved to the table and hugged Ang. "Hi, Gram."
"Mmm," Ang said, kissing her cheek. "There's my girl."
Steve appeared behind Joseph a moment later. Elizabeth gently pushed her husband out of the way so she could hug him.
"We're glad you could be here, Steve," she said.
"Of course," he replied. "Just let us know what we can do to help."
"I could use a couple band-aids for my papercuts, going through all these photos," Ang said as he stepped to the table so he could hug her. She smiled. "Louise would get a kick out of that."
"You two always had a unique relationship," Joseph said, a fond look on his face that was tinged with sadness.
"That we did," Ang said, her smile bittersweet. "And I'll miss it."
Ten minutes later, Steve was in the kitchen helping Susan get drinks organized when Jim Rollins came in, his arms laden with take-out bags.
"That didn't take long," Susan observed.
"Snappy service," her husband said with an easy smile. "That's me." He set the bags on the counter and stuck out a hand to their guest. "Steve, good to see you."
"You, too," Steve said, shaking his hand. "I wish it was under better circumstances."
"Me, too," Jim said, allowing a shadow to briefly cross his face before looking more resolute. "But she's not in pain anymore, and that's something to be grateful for."
Steve nodded.
"I'll take these in," Susan said, motioning to the tray of drinks. "Steve, why don't you help Jim with the food?"
"Sure," Steve agreed.
As Susan left the kitchen, Jim started taking containers out of the plastic bags. "And we'll be seeing you again soon, under much better circumstances. Have you and Catherine figured out a date?"
"Not yet," Steve said, emptying the other bag. "We're actually looking at some venues when we get back to the island, so we should have a better idea then."
Jim shook his head, his easy smile back on his face. "Getting married in Hawaii. Does it get any better than that?"
Steve gave a little shrug. "Doesn't matter to me where it is. All that matters is that I'm marrying Catherine."
Jim grinned. "Spoken like a man in love."
Steve smiled, glancing down and nodding.
"Those words didn't always come so easily," Jim said, stepping over to the cupboard and taking out several plates. He looked back at Steve. "I remember Aunt Louise introducing me to a slightly more flustered Navy lieutenant at my brother's retirement."
"Is that James?" Louise said when Jim stepped into the living room at Joseph and Elizabeth's house. She looked at Steve on the couch beside her. "James, come meet the lieutenant Catherine's dating."
Catherine had long since disappeared to help her mother and grandmother with some final preparations for the reception after the retirement ceremony, and Louise had kept Steve to "entertain her," as she said.
"That's my nephew James," Louise told Steve, patting his arm. "Joseph's brother. He was in the Navy, too."
"That was a long time ago, Aunt Louise."
Steve stood. "Nice to meet you, sir."
"Jim, please," the other man said, offering his hand. "Nice to finally meet the mystery man Catherine's been dating."
Steve shifted after releasing Jim's hand. "I wouldn't call it . . . dating . . ."
Jim raised his eyebrows.
"Is that not the word anymore?" Louise asked. "I thought that's what they still said on the TV. What would you call it, then?"
Steve swallowed. "I . . . I wouldn't call it anything, it just . . . is," he said, glancing between them. "It's . . . Catherine and me. We don't need to . . . call it anything."
"You've been together for a few years now," Jim stated.
Steve shifted again, inhaling. "That's right."
"But you're not dating."
"We're . . . together. That's what we're doing."
Louise swatted Jim's hand. "Leave the boy alone, James. I like him."
Jim grinned, leaning down to kiss his aunt. "Well, if you like him, Aunt Louise . . ."
"You were uncomfortable," Jim said to Steve, handing him the plates. "But you didn't balk. I was impressed. Joseph had told me about the . . . lack of labels for your relationship. I was ready for that. And I knew he'd already grilled you, so I went pretty easy." He smiled, clapping Steve on the shoulder. "He liked you, so that was a big point in your favor. Almost as big as the fact that Catherine liked you. She's a better judge of character than the two of us combined."
Steve smiled, nodding his agreement.
"And, of course, Aunt Louise adored you," Jim continued, a broad smile on his face. "Even though she'd only just met you."
As Jim turned back to the counter to get the food sorted, Steve drifted into another memory later at the retirement reception.
"Steve," Louise said, grabbing onto his arm. "Help me to that table there."
She motioned with her cane before putting it back on the ground.
"Of course," he said, holding onto her arm steadily.
She smiled happily as they walked. "Been a long time since I was on the arm of a handsome young sailor in uniform."
He raised his eyebrows at that, then huffed a light laugh.
"I used to date a Navy SEAL once," she said. "Before they were called SEALs."
He nodded, glancing around. "You uh . . . you mentioned that, yes."
"Did I?" she asked airily. "Well, I did. Lieutenant Richard Wallace." Her eyes grew distant for a moment, then she smiled. "He was at the Academy with my brother. Catherine's grandfather."
"Thomas Rollins," Steve said, nodding. "Catherine told me about him. He served in World War II."
Louise's smile was tender. "Thomas. Navy through and through. Strong, honorable, and so handsome."
They reached the table, and he helped her sit down.
As he straightened, she took his hand. "You remind me so much of Thomas," she said earnestly. "And of Joseph."
Steve blinked, taken aback. He shook himself. "Thank you, ma'am. That's . . . thank you," he said sincerely.
Louise looked across the hall. "Of course Catherine's going to be the best of them all. There was never any doubt that one was made for the Navy."
Steve's eyes softened as he looked as Catherine, also in uniform, chatting with a few of her cousins.
"And you know something else?" Louise continued. "I think you're going to be my favorite."
Steve's lip quirked in a smile. "Your favorite SEAL?"
"Just my favorite." She looked around the room at the spouses and significant others of Catherine's cousins. Turning back to Steve, she winked at him and lowered her voice conspiratorially. "But I'll call you my favorite SEAL. Wouldn't want to ruffle any feathers. Our secret, okay?"
He laughed and nodded. "Okay."
Sighing fondly at the memory, Steve looked over at Jim. "She was special," he said simply.
Jim smiled softly and nodded. "Yes, she was."
After dinner, the group remained around the dining room, picking the final photos to display at the service the next day.
"Here's a rare one," Joseph said, sliding a photo out of an album sleeve. "Aunt Louise in the kitchen."
His brother looked over his shoulder. "Not her favorite place," he agreed.
"But she'd eat anything," Joseph added.
Catherine smiled. "Like the egg custard ice cream."
Her father made a face at just the thought.
"That's right," Jim said, laughing. "Aunt Irene's one and only attempt at egg custard ice cream."
Elizabeth smiled. "She'd decided to make it from scratch. No one liked it, except Catherine and Aunt Louise."
"So we sat there with spoons and polished off the whole half gallon ourselves," Catherine said.
Beside her, Steve smiled in amusement. "Figures you'd like something no one else did."
Catherine grinned. "I'm sure I have no idea what else you mean."
"I do," Ang said with a teasing look. "It starts with ketchup on eggs and ends with peanut butter toast."
Jim gagged exaggeratedly. "Blech!"
Catherine pointed in her own defense. "Aunt Louise liked that, too."
"Not really a ringing endorsement, honey," Joseph teased. "Like I said, she'd eat anything."
"While she was watching her soaps," Susan said. "She loved her soaps."
"Oh, my, yes," Ang said. "She even got me watching Days of Our Lives."
"Remember when she and Irene would watch together?" Elizabeth asked.
Susan laughed. "Yes, especially after Irene's eyesight starting going. 'Who's that?' And Louise would say, 'That's Eric,' or whoever it was, 'But that's not his wife.' And Irene, without missing a beat, 'Ohhh, the rat bastard. I never liked him.' "
They all laughed at her accurate imitation of the sisters.
"Ohh, Aunt Irene," Catherine said with a soft smile. She looked at Steve. "You never met her." She grinned over at her father. "She used to say Dad looked like Richard Gere."
"It was the hair," Joseph said. "Plus the . . . cataracts," he added, smiling fondly as he remembered his other aunt.
"Speaking of hair," Elizabeth said. "Catherine, do you remember the time–"
"Ohh," Catherine groaned. "I know what you're gonna say."
Jim laughed and said, "The infamous gum-in-the-hair incident of 1986," which brought chuckles from around the table.
"What's this?" Steve asked, looking around the table with an intrigued and amused smile.
"You've never heard this story?" Joseph asked, surprised.
Catherine sighed. "Well, it's pretty self-explanatory after Uncle Jim's name for it."
"I'm gonna need a few more details," Steve said.
"Catherine's cousin Patrick got gum in her hair–"
"Not 'got,' put," Catherine corrected. "Put gum in my hair. Just 'cause I beat him every time we raced."
"And Aunt Louise offered to get it out," Elizabeth continued.
Catherine laughed. "With peanut butter. I told her to just cut it off, I wanted to go outside and get back at him, but she had me sitting at the kitchen table for an hour."
"She got it out, though," Joseph said.
"She did," Catherine said with a smile. "I swear my hair smelled like peanut butter for a week, but she did."
Steve chuckled. "You get back at Patrick?"
"Of course I did." She glanced around the table and smiled wryly. "Those details are still classified."
Jim laughed. "Wouldn't have anything to do with his chipped tooth, would it?"
"Absolutely not," Catherine insisted. "That was not my fault. Completely different day. And he got in that hammock at his own peril."
Elizabeth smiled fondly. "Aunt Louise was very proud of getting that gum out without having to cut your hair. She didn't want Joseph to come back from deployment to find his daughter with a bald patch." She ran her hand over Catherine's hair gently. "She loved braiding your hair."
"Yeah," Catherine said, smiling softly.
After a quiet moment, Steve flipped a page in one of the albums and said, "Hey, I bet I know what this is from." He took out a picture of Louise and a young Catherine, both dressed up, and held it out to her. "I remember you told me about going to see A Christmas Carol at the theater with her."
Catherine smiled, taking the picture and looking at it tenderly, getting lost in the memories. "Yeah. If we were going to see her in December, she'd get tickets. Just the two of us. She'd braid my hair and let me wear some of her jewelry." She looked up, smiling. "She had this one silver bracelet I loved." Setting the photo down, she motioned with her fingers around her wrist. "It had a little flower on the end and a loop that went over it instead of a regular clasp. And after the play we'd drive around looking at Christmas lights, then come back and have hot chocolate." Her eyes had grown misty, and Elizabeth leaned closer. Catherine laid her head on her mother's shoulder.
Beside her, Steve put his hand on hers where it rested on the table, and she flashed him a small, grateful smile.
Elizabeth reached over and picked up the photo of Louise and Catherine. "This one is definitely coming."
The next morning, Catherine was putting her earrings in before the funeral service. The ring on her finger caught her eye, and she blinked at a memory from her father's retirement reception.
Catherine sat at a table with Louise who said, "You know I never married. I never met a man I wanted to marry." She gave her great-niece a knowing look. "But I think you have."
"Aunt Louise, Steve and I, we're just–"
"You just are. I know. He said something like that." She leaned closer. "But I think you both talk like a fish, as your grandma Ang would say."
Catherine laughed at that.
Louise gave her another knowing look. "I'm going to get a call one day that you're marrying that SEAL."
Catherine's eyes sought Steve across room standing with her parents.
Louise followed her gaze and smiled. "My favorite SEAL."
Catherine turned back to her and grinned "I heard you used to date one."
Louise waved a hand before replacing it on the table. "Ah, that was before they were called SEALs. So your Steve can be my favorite."
Catherine smiled.
After a moment, she put her hand on her aunt's. "No one you ever wanted to marry?"
"Well . . ." Louise's eyes grew distant. "But he didn't make it back from Korea, so we'll never know what might have been." Inhaling with a smile, she put her other hand on top of Catherine's and gave it a little shake. "Doesn't mean I haven't had fun. Enjoyed life. I have. And still am."
Catherine put her other hand on top of theirs and smiled. "I didn't doubt that for a second, Aunt Louise."
Steve came up behind Catherine, smoothing his hands around her waist to meet on her abdomen. "Okay?" he asked, resting his cheek against her head.
Her hands automatically went to his, and she leaned back against him. "Yeah. Just a memory."
"Aunt Louise thought the world of you, you know," he said quietly.
She smiled, tightening her fingers around his. "You, too. Her favorite SEAL."
He smiled against her hair.
"Knock knock," a voice coming down the stairs said.
Steve straightened his tie and moved to open the bedroom door.
Susan stepped inside. "Sorry to disturb," she began.
"Not at all," he said as Catherine moved beside him.
"But I have something for each of you," Susan said, motioning with the items in her hands. "Louise set these aside a few years ago."
She handed him a small bundle. He glanced at Catherine and opened the handkerchief to reveal an old pocket knife. The brown handle was worn, but blade slid out easily.
Catherine reached over, touching the handle. "She showed me this when I was younger. It was my grandfather's."
Steve's eyebrows shot up, and he pushed the blade back in. "Joseph should have this. Or Jim . . ." he said, offering it back to Susan.
She smiled and curved his hand around the knife. "No, Louise wanted you to have it. Her favorite SEAL. She said you reminded her of her brother."
Catherine smiled as well, putting her hand on his arm and squeezing gently. He glanced at her, and the look on her face seemed to resolve the matter for him. He closed his hand around the knife more firmly and turned back to Susan.
"Thank you," he said sincerely. "This is an incredible gift."
Susan smiled at him before handing a small velvet bag to Catherine. "She was so excited when we told her about you two getting engaged. It was on Christmas. She was having a really good day and asking about everyone. And she made me promise to give this to you the next time I saw you."
Catherine opened the bag and pulled out the simple silver bracelet she'd loved so much as a child.
Tears filled her eyes as she set the bag down on the dresser and gently put the bracelet on her wrist. She put the loop over the flower slowly and touched the silver bud, staring at it.
Finally, she looked up at Steve and Susan, smiling through her tears. Leaning over, she hugged her aunt. "Thank you."
Steve put a gentle hand on her lower back, leaving it there even as she straightened.
Susan smiled softly. "It's about time to go. Are you ready to say goodbye?"
Catherine looked at her and then at Steve. Smiling, she said, "As long as we have these special memories, it's not really goodbye."
I love you, Beautiful Mum, and I know you'll always be with me.