"Call out my name" - The Weekend
The war fucked us.
19 years old and back at Hogwarts for our 8th year feels strange.
I'm angry, and so is everyone else. We are bitter and sad and angry and fucked up.
The war wasn't kind to any of us. The things we had done, the things I had done. That shit fucks with your head, makes you lose sleep, makes you do stupid and wreckless shit just to feel something.
I'm not the same i used to be. My "friends" say im quieter, that i lose my temper more, hide more and don't smile. For one thing, what is there to smile about? I'm back in this shit hole with people i can't fucking stand, hearing their voices makes me want to rip my ears off.
It was court ordered, either finish school and move to a court ordered job for perole or serve time. Right now i think i'd rather serve the time alone, stewing in my thoughts and going insane than be here at fucking 19 completing my final year.
I was too young you see. I bitterly laugh at that. Young. Do they really know what i've done? Do they know how many i killed? How many i tortured for information? And i did it without so much as flinching.
So no, i'm not the same, mentally or physically. Tattoos now cover my arms and start to spread onto my chest and back. The pain of it, addictive and takes my mind off all the fucking shit. We all look different and so much older, tired and worn. We shouldn't even be here.
Every day is the same. Wake up, shower, breakfast, sneer and groan in disgust at everyone...especially her, classes, lunch, classes, dinner, study, read, shower and bed.
Every. Fucking. Day.
I hate everyone. You get in my face, prepare to be thrown to the ground with my bare hands. A little shit of a seventh year learnt that the hard way when he got in my face about the war. I didn't look up as he goaded me, people crouding around us in the hall. He went on and on until a grin spread across my face and i lunged up, grabbing him by the front of the shirt, throwing him on his back to the ground with a sickening thud.
Oh you should of seen the professors running to us then, when i stood back, arms up in defense with a smirk. That cost me two weeks in detention.
I fucking hate this place.
"Malfoy?" I turn my head to the sound of my last name and immediately roll my eyes.
Of course she was here. Damn Granger and her incessant need to just be everywhere. I can't get any damn peace. No privacy, nothing. Over the 2 months we have been back we have had more run ins than i can count. She haunts me like some kind of fucking reminder of my failures.
I sigh and turn from the astronomy tower edge. She's crossed her arms, still in her uniform too modest compared to others. Her shirt sits tightly against her, but her skirt settles at her knees. Most of the girls around here wear it as short as possible, rolling it at their hips when the professors aren't looking. But she's too damn by the book, strict dress code, strict about the rules, she never does anything out of line and i can't fucking stand it.
She drives me insane. Her stupid side won and the look in her eye never lets me fucking forget it. I want to reach out and swipe it from her face, snuff out the fire in her eyes. I want to make her feel pain, make her feel worthless, i want to destroy her.
"Malfoy, what the hell are you doing up here of all places?" She's burning holes into me and i know what she's talking about. That idiot Dumbledore. I smirk at her, what a fond fucking memory.
I felt nothing that day, i was numb to it and did what i had to do. It was the start of the thirst for more thrill, more power. I can't even describe what it was like to see the light dissapear from a mans eye. And i continued to seek it as time wore on, but it began to destroy me. I could feel my soul and mind turning black. I couldn't get out of the dark place, my mark always felt like it was burning.
Sometimes i feel like i should be in a cell just rotting away.
"You have no fucking right to be here" She spat at me. My eyebrows shot up. Well, well...
"My, Granger. Language from such a law abiding citizen. I never thought i'd see the day" she huffs at me and i can't help a small twitch if my lips as i see the rose in her cheeks start to rise.
She's too damn easy to rile up. She's always been this way and secretly, i love it. I love to stir her, to make her feel on edge and uncomfortable. It gives me a thrill to know that i have pissed her off so much, i am all she can think about and what my next move will be.
"Granger, fuck off will you, yeah? I don't have time for you" She drops her arms and takes a step towards me.
"You have no right to be here, you utter asshole. You come here and violate the place you destroyed one of the greatest wizards and think that it's ok?"
I run my tongue along my top teeth and match her step, one more, one more until im close. Too close. Her eyes widen a fraction and internally im pleased. Good, she's unsettled, "Hurts doesn't it, mudblood?" i lower my voice as i lean in a little.
She clenches her fists by her side, her chest is heaving and her scent washes over me So alluring, so sinful.
I step back and chuckle lowly, before she raises her hands and pushes me back hard against my chest. I laugh out loud as she continues to push me back, the electricity pouring out of her as i'm slammed into the wall.
Fun and games over, i grab her wrists and pull her to me. She's panting from anger.
"You only get so many times to touch me Granger and you've just met your quota". She tries to wriggle free but i can't help but keep her against me a little longer. Merlin help me, but she feels so forbidden. I want to throw myself off the tower for the thought.
"Fuck you!" she spits at me as i shove her back away from me, "How fucking dare you! You have no soul, you're broken and disgusting".
I cock my head to the side, taking her in. I say nothing as i turn, picking up my things from the desk beside me and walk to the door. I can tell she's infuriated, the silence is annoying her to the bone and i thrive off it. But before i leave, i turn to her one more time.
"You ever touch me again, you'll regret it" i sneer at her and leave.
The weeks go by and we continue to bump into each other in the tower. At the start we were both so annoyed at each other's existence, but soon it was almost expected and a silent comtorability came over us. It's unnerving.
The arguments don't stop and i keep on poking at her to get a reaction, it has become a stable part of my day, something to enjoy from the mandane grey of day to day life.
I often find her at the desk working or staring off the balcony edge, while i simply sit on it and don't pay her attention.
We don't talk often, and usually when we do it's a fight. She calls me an "asshole" or "fucking prick", she says I'm everything she hates and i should be rotting. I agree, i should be. But to me, this feels like rotting.
"Why do you come here Malfoy?" she asked me one day, stirring my from my thoughts as the wind blew her hair around her face.
I looked away and at the sky. I was not in the mood to answer, my knuckles and lip split, another asshole got in my face and after a good few punches, he was the one that left with a broken face.
She comes closer and i flinch.
"Leave me alone Granger" i say in a low warning tone. I don't have the energy. I'm tired, so so tired.
She bites her lip and i catch my breath as she sits next to me on the edge, looking out ahead. She doesn't talk then and we just sit in silence.
This almost becomes a habit. Sitting next to each other in silence is becoming a habit and it unsettles me.
"Do you ever wish it was different?" I say to break the silence. She jumps from the sound of my voice and i turn to look at her. She looks defeated, sad, broken and something... I hate her, i hate everything she represents, i hate the way she moves, bites her lip, her scent, fresh linen and fruit. I hate how I'm becoming comfortable in her presence, and how much she's trying to live some kind of normal life after everything we have all been through.
"Yes" she says simply, "I wish none of this ever happened. I wish people i loved didn't die, i didn't see so much blood, didn't see so much torture", she looks down at her left arm and my eyes travel down to follow.
I say nothing and look away.
This routine continues for another 2 weeks.
She's testing me and I'm furious, i want to choke the voice out of her so she can shut the fuck up.
She has me cornered in the astronomy tower like some pathetic fool. I'm pissed off!
"Poor little rich boy" she sneers at me as she steps forward towards me. I hold my ground, looking down at her.
Over a month has passed in this weird limbo of silence and it's putting us on edge. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we just sit. We still argue alot and fuck me if that spark doesn't just radiate across us and sets my teeth on edge. Damn it if i say it's become a comfort.
Tonight it seems she chose violence. It was my fault i guess, i was antagonizing her. I'm getting sick of this weird ...thing happening here. I know we both have trauma, know we are both fucked up, but out of all people it had to be fucking Granger that i sat with most nights to dull the ache and lose myself. I was beginning to resent myself.
I'd happily have tortured and killed in the past without so much as blinking, but now it's got me losing sleep and doing stupid shit.
"Shut the fuck up" i warn her.
"...could have anything he wanted, changed the world, done something good. But instead he chose to follow in Daddy's footsteps like the pathetic worm he is!"
I fucking see red, Who the fuck does this bitch think she is? Who is she to talk about my father and things she'll never understand. She's a mudblood, she's inferior and everything I've grown up believing to be beneath me.
I lunge forward and grab her by the neck, slamming her into the wall. She yelps and closes her eyes on the impact as i step in close, our bodies almost touching and im burning with anger, burning with hatred and i can feel the torment seeping out of me.
She opens her eyes, glaring at me, fire and the willpower to be able to throw me back with wandless magic. I lean in closer, my breath cascading over her face, inhaling her scent and feeling the quick pants against me.
"Watch your FUCKING MOUTH!" i roar the last part as i bring her forward and slam her back in warning.
She yelps again, taking a quick breath and bites her lip, bringing her hand up, scratching down my own to my wrist and wrapping tightly around it, pressing it harder against her neck.
"What are you going to do Draco?" she rasps and my knees buckle at the delicious way her tongue wraps around the letters of my name.
"You going to hurt me?... torture me?" she continues as she suddenly intwines her other hand in my tie and sharply pulls me forward so I'm pressed against her. I feel myself grow hard and im internally panicking.
I close my eyes for a moment, our lips just brushing against each other's.
"...Or kill me? isn't that what you do best?" she whispers.
And for all that I've done, for all i believe, for every moment... it is lost.
"I hate you, i fucking lothe you" i breathe.
"Trust me" she reaches up on her toes, tilting her head up slightly, "the feeling is mutual" she replies before crashing her lips against mine.
I feel like i can't fucking breathe. She's everywhere all at once. She untangles from my tie to reach into my hair and she tugs at it, bringing me closer. My hand hasn't left her neck holding her in place as my other hand travels down her body to squeeze her ass and grind her into me.
She's tastes like heaven and hell.
3 weeks have passed since that...kiss. I want to fucking throw myself off the bridge. I can't stop thinking about it, obsessing over it, about her. Her taste, the way she feels. She's fucking intoxicating and i can't stand it.
I lay in bed, and press the heels of my palms into my eyes, frustrated at everything. How the fuck did this even happen?
I've never felt something so powerful and I'm so fucking angry at myself for losing all control.
Before i knew it, she was tugging my shirt out of my pants, scratching her nails down my abdomen and my hand was up her skirt.
Fucking hell, I'm literally going to hell for this.
My stomach clenches at the betrayal. My family would disown me, I'd be shunned and more alone than i already am. She is toxic and to the purest form...my enemy.
But i can't help but seek her out and catch her eyes across the halls and feel the unsteadiness in my stomach.
She fucking looks like nothing is bothering her and that really irritates the hell out of me! Like she wasn't all over me a few weeks ago, licking my neck and running her hand across the front of my pants.
Fuck ...
She's invading my thoughts and my obsession is becoming worse now that i heard her say my name. The way it came purring out of her. I bite the inside of my cheek as i glare at her across the great hall.
I want to hear her call it out, scream it, moan it. I want to break her, ruin her and be the last thing she thinks about.
What is wrong with me?
The next time i come face to face with her is in the library.
It was late as i sat at a quiet desk in the back corner, surrounded by candle lit lamps on the walls and an ornate window overlooking the grounds.
I heard her before i saw her and lift my head from my work, sitting back and crossing my arms.
She looks like a siren and i cringe internally in disgust.
"Well, look who's decided to show her face again" i say as i raise my eyebrow.
Her arms are behind her back as she slowly steps forward towards my table. I feel like im holding my breath watching her as she comes around and slides onto it, too close to me.
She shrugs her shoulders at me, avoiding my gaze. i scoff.
"You won't even fucking look at me, pathetic" i roll my eyes and move to stand against the window opposite her.
She swings her legs back and forth looking at the ground, "I just, i want to feel something" she says so suddenly. "I feel nothing, and so worn down. I can't pretend to be who i was because I'm not. Everyone sees me as the "Golden girl", Harry's right hand, the one that can do no wrong and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people looking at me with tenderness, like i might break after everything. But not you" she looks up at me then and my breath hitches. "you still look at me with the same anger and hatred... it's intoxicating".
I step slowly torwards her as if im fucking magnitized. She holds my eyes as i approach and i come to stand within arms reach.
She bites her lip, "I just want to feel" she breathes, "just...make me feel something" she's almost pleading as she arches towards me and heaven help me i can feel my resolve breaking.
I don't even have a moment for a passing thought when she reaches out and grabs the front of my shirt, ripping me forward and wrapping her legs around me.
Her fingers are tight, it feels like my shirt might tear.
"Please" She whispers as i completely lose the battle and bring my lips to hers. It's rough, fast, hungry. The feel of her tongue entwining with mine is a drug i never knew i needed.
I break the kiss to travel down her neck as my hands wrap around her thighs to bring her closer against me. It's not enough.
I break the kiss, and wisper against her. I need to hear it, i need to hear her say it, "Say my name" i rasp.
Her breath catches as she grinds herself against me.
"Malfoy" she gasps. I growl in annoyance and grab her throat, as she turns her head to the side and i press my lips against her cheek.
"No Granger...my first name" i grip a little tighter and she moans. The sound is almost my undoing.
She turns her head towards me again, trying to catch my lips but i pull away. "Please, touch me Malfoy".
It takes all the self control i have. I've never experienced something so raw, heated and angry. This is so fucking wrong, so wrong in every sense but the need that's seeping it's way through me like a toxic energy is too powerful to ignore.
"Say my fucking name" i grind out between my teeth as she locks eyes with me, arching against me and runs her hands down my chest, down to my belt buckle.
"Never..." she says and it's like a bucket of cold ice. I throw her back and step away. She's panting as she lifts herself off the table.
"Stay the fuck away from me mudblood" i snear, "you aren't even worth it".
I can see the moment of realisation and the break in her eyes as she realises what she's doing and not getting whatever she's seeking.
Quickly, righting her clothes and without looking back, she hurridly walks away through the stacks.
She's my fucking undoing. The weeks go by and i find her seeking me out anywhere she can, it's like a slow burning torture.
I currently have her backed against a wall in a dark alcove and im hard, so fucking hard. I'd give anything to break and fuck her right there if it meant finding a release and getting over this sick game. I grind my teeth in my irritation as my body betrays me.
"Filthy little witch", my breath catches as she pulls my index finger into her mouth and slowly releasing it, twisting her tongue around as she holds my gaze intensly.
Fucking hell.
I groan deeply, and she realeases it. Dragging my hand down her throat, to her chest, pressing it against her left breast, biting her lip as her eyes flutter closed.
My hand reaches into her hair and pulls her head back. She moans, running her hands down my chest to my belt, pulling me sharply forward and trying to undo it.
I place my hand over hers, lowering it a little and push against it so she can feel. So she can feel what she's doing to me and how this isn't normal, this isn't healthy or right. That she can have this affect on me, that she is the one driving me fucking insane with how forward she's being, going after what she wants without a damn care and plaguing my every thought, seeping into my system like a disease.
I lean into her ear, "You know what i want Granger, say it and i'll give you what you want".
She stops and glares at me, pushing me away angrily and storming away without a word.
I grit my teeth out of frustration, running my hands through my hair and down my face. I'm trying to breathe and calm down, i can't fucking do this. She's ruining me!! ME! How the tables have turned.
I try to think about when this flipped and how she has me on my knees. I respect her for going after what she wants, what she needs, but i didn't expect Granger to be so forward, blunt and an absolute fucking tease. Certainly NOT the Granger before the war.
I turn and lean against the wall, willing my hard on to go down.
I'm ready to errupt.
I'm on edge.
I'm bursting at the seams.
She's been avoiding me for days and won't look in my direction.
Inside a darkness rides through my veins and i feel my mental state is taking a beating. My life is a fucking mess. I get into too many fights, i can't sleep! I don't feel anything any more, im plagued with nightmares of what I've done and see their faces and they get worse when they turn into dreams of her. I wake in a cold sweat and i can't settle down.
I roll my eyes as i sit in class. Do we really need this fucking class anymore? Defense against the dark arts...what a joke. I was someone they needed to defend themselves against. I was ruthless, a cold blooded killer. But now? I'm stirring inside, i'm like an addict who can't get his fix. I'm burning to see ones soul leave their body just to feel the bloodlust tear through me.
I see Granger walk in and sit at the desk slightly infront of me to the right, and i can't help but glare at her back. Fucking bitch. The more the days and weeks roll on, the more i destest her existence. I wish i came across her on the field, i would have gladly taken my time until death and watch the light leave her eyes.
As if she senses me, she turns, her hair flipping and cascading down her back. My heart stops and my eyes immediately go to her lips. She flicks her tongue out to run it along her bottom one and bites down. My eyes snap back to hers as i inhale sharply. She turns away then and i clench my fist tightly, feeling my nails bite into my skin.
The professor wants us to practice, he's given us a stern warning to be careful of what we use. We have to work with partners and use disarming spells only.
My partner is some lanky bloke from Griffindor, he looks nervous and i smirk. Granger is near him and it's too fucking tempting to point my wand at her.
After some time, I'm bored. The spells he's throwing at me i lazily deflect. The professor announces then that we are to form a circle and volunteers to show him what we've got.
Granger steps forward. Of course she does, Miss goody goody, Miss bookworm. She makes me sick.
Before the professor has even asked who would like to go up against her i raise my arm.
"I'd like a crack at her" i glare as i look her dead in the eye. Ohhhh, this is too good. I'm practically buzzing.
The room errupts into whispers and the professor is trying to calm everyone, reminding us to play nice. But i don't look away from her.
I roll my sleeves up to my elbows and i see her eyes dart to the ink on my arms. Her eyes darken as she snaps them back to mine.
She stands strong, lifts her head up and aims her wand. The professor reminds us again to be careful and before he even finishes, she's thrown a hex at me that has me thrown back into the wall.
Vicious little bitch.
I quickly collect myself and fire back, catching her in the arm as she twists and falls.
The onslaught of hexes continues until the professor accios our wands. I'm breathing heavy and everyone is losing their shit. The showdown they always wanted i guess.
We are all dismissed for the day and i collect my wand, but I'm not ready to let this go. She got me too many times.
I storm out of the room and see a flash of her curls turn a corner. I break into a run when i turn the corner and slow down, following her at a steady pace. She notices me, beginning to walk faster. She breaks into a run and I'm after her. She runs down a hall and i catch sight of her as she runs into a classroom and locks it. I interally laugh, stupid girl.
I smash it open and lock it behind me as she points her wand in my face.
"Get the fuck away from me" she snaps.
I grin and take a step forward, she faulters and mutters a hex, but i deflect it easily. I feel myself growing angier by the second, she tries to hex me again but this time i grab her wand and throw it.
She lunges forward and pushes me, hitting against my chest as i grab her arms and push her back. Before i can even register, she's grabbed her wand and thrown a hex at me that knocks me to the ground, but I don't waste time.
I flip and grab her ankle, she squeals in suprise and falls to the floor as i climb ontop of her and throw her wand away further.
I laugh, "You fucking little mudblood, what are you going to do now?" i breathe as i pin her arms either side of her head, "Come on...give me your best shot".
We are panting, the air around us thick and I'm suddenly aware of the feel of her under me. She's soft, the lines of her body betraying my own as i lean in closer, her breath cascading over my face in short pants.
"Fuck you, you ..."
I cut her off, smashing my lips to hers. She's pours her anger into me and i match it as her tongue sneaks into my mouth and i grind myself against her. I feel feverish, i need more of her.
I let go of her hands to rip her shirt open, it's fast, feral and i can't get enough.
I trail kisses and licks down her neck to her breasts, licking and teasing, growing harder when i realise she wasn't even wearing a bra.
I can't control the need, my brain is fuzzy and I've lost all sense of what is right and wrong.
I hear a rip and the buttons of my shirt have flown in all directions.
She pulls away, staring intently at the ink on my chest and she leans up tracing the lines with her tongue. My resistance breaks and our hands and lips are everywhere and i can't take it any longer.
My hands go under her skirt and i hear her hiss as her underwear snaps against her skin when it tears down her legs. We both work on my belt and zip, as she kisses me harder and i postion myself and thrust hard with a groan.
She yelps and scratches down my chest. She sucks on my neck and before i know it, I'm fucking her so hard, i have to keep drawing her back to me.
I grip her hair and bite at her neck before i feel her shift and suddenly I'm underneath her.
My eyes roll back in my head when she grabs my tie, twisting it around her hand as she rolls her hips in a rhythm that has me gasping for breath.
I grip her thighs, digging my fingers in, feeling my control rapidly slipping away. But I'll be fucking damned if i don't feel her come all over me first.
"Draco..." she moans out and i sit up, gripping her hips harder, guiding her, kissing her in a way i know will leave her bruised and i reach a hand between us rubbing her clit.
The sound of my name grows a deadly fire in my stomach that i know I'll struggle to control.
She cries out, digging her nails into my shoulders and bringing her mouth back to mine, moaning as she rides me faster. My legs are burning but i won't fucking stop. I can't fucking stop.
I begin to feel her clench around me, when a moan, deep within her releases and she wraps her arms around my shoulders and whimpers into my ear.
I grip her tight, steading her and holding her to me as i thrust a few more times, the coil bursting as i come inside her, moaning and gasping for breath.
I can feel her heart beating rapidly against mine, our raggard breathing the only sound in the abandoned room as i wipe away the hair sticking to her face. She stares at me, and i see a softeness and shock before she gently leans in and kisses me.
I've fucked up. I've fucked up and i know I'm done for.
I press my hands against the shower wall as the water cascades down my back.
It's been a week and i cannot get fucking Granger out of my head. What have i done? I'm weak and i know all it will take is for her to look at me, or bite her lip for me to come crashing down.
I still don't know how this happened or when it even really started, but i know it's my undoing.
She's in my bed, the sheets a mess as she ties her hair up, securing her wand in place and begins shrugging her shirt on.
I can't help but stare at her in bewilderment.
I come up behind her and slide my hand across her chest to her bare right breast, giving it a gentle caress as she turns her head and hungrily kisses me.
I can't get enough of her taste.
Since we fucked in the abandoned classroom, a new thirst has begun and I've had her anywhere and any way i can get my hands on her
Fuck what i said. I'm a weak, weak man i know.
I've fucked her in the Slytherin showers, the aostronony tower, a hallway, on a desk, in my bed, outside near the lake, in the prefect baths, in the greenhouse.
"Stay a little longer" i rasp before kissing her again and running my hand down her stomach, bringing it to her clit and rubbing in slow circles. She moans and throws her head back against my shoulder.
"Draco, i can't. You know they'll wonder why I'm not in my bed"
I playfully bite her neck, a red hot burning sensation in my stomach, "I love it when you say my name" and i kiss her again, running my hands alongs the inside of her thighs and stroking her very wet clit.
She gasps "Oh God ..." as i rub faster, i can see her stomach clenching, her chest heaving from her erratic breathing.
My mind keeps flashing to forbidden moments, epsecially when she fell to her knees for me in the empty hallway. I can still feel her mouth on me, her tongue doing wicked things i was not prepared for. And the risk of being caught made it that much sweeter.
She gasping, and moves her hand ontop of mine working with it to bring her to the edge.
I bite her shoulder and place soft kisses as i feel her clench and her moans louder and i know she's close.
"Oh God, Draco, i'm..." and she doesnt get to finish her sentence as i dip two fingers into her and she rides out her orgasm, clenching deliciouly against my fingers.
"Stay a little longer..." i say again, and she nods.
I'ts Christmas and it's bleak.
Most of the students who still have family have returned home and I'm alone in my sleeping quarters. I like being alone i don't have anyone to distract me or piss me off. I can do what the fuck i want without someone questioning me.
I can't even remember the last time i enjoyed it, it's plagued with bitter memories of blood shed and fear.
I'm stirred from my thoughts when i hear my door open and i look up to see Granger close the door and lock it. I raise an eyebrow, swinging my legs over the side.
"Well this is an interesting time for a visit" i say, noting its 1 am.
She bites her lip trying to hide a smile, "I have a gift for you" she says silkily. My heart begins to thud against my ribs.
Does she know what she does to me? Does she understand the power she has over me?
She carefully places her hands on her robes, opening the front and letting it fall with a soft thud to the ground.
My eyes widen, i grip the sheets beside me hard and run a hand over my face in awe.
That sneaky little witch.
She stands before me, in a emerald green garter set.
She smirks a very slytherin smirk, "Merry Christmas Draco" she whispers.
I'm dead. I've died. In this moment I'd do anything she asked and give her anything she wants. I'm putty in her hands.
I know this won't last, i know this is in the now, while we try to heal, need a distraction through the dark days and as long as she keeps calling out my name, I'll come to her.
But for right now, before this ends, she has me wrapped around her little finger...and I'll happily stay there.
Fin.