Prompt: Have you lost your damn mind?
Title: Immutable Truths & Unbreakable Rules
A/N: This fits into my Brittana headcanon/canon-adjacent/canon-ish world. Happens shortly after IKAG
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If you walk the halls of William McKinley High School in Lima, OH, you are immediately made aware of two things: an immutable truth and an unbreakable rule.
The unbreakable rule is unbreakable because of the immutable truth.
The Unbreakable Rule is: Brittany S. Pierce is off-limits for any sort of bullying, harassment, slushying, name-calling, threatening, or anything else that might cause the bubbly blonde to pout, be sad, or upset.
The Immutable Truth is: Santana Lopez is completely, head-over-heels in love with Brittany S. Pierce.
Our story is a story because an idiot failed to remember these two things.
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Rick "The Stick" Nelson was, for lack of a better term, an idiot.
He considered himself smart, hot, sexy, irresistible, charismatic, and an all-around catch.
He has told more than one female, with a leer, an eyebrow waggle, and a smarmy grin, that he gave himself the nickname "The Stick" … and not because he plays hockey. (Cue much eye-rolling at this point).
On this particular day, Rick was – as usual – bitching about his loss in the student election to "that stupid blonde bimbo Pierce". He'd been bitching about it for over a week and his cronies (Rick didn't really have friends) were tired of hearing it.
"Dude, let it go already. Look, Brittany is, like," Jerry rolled his eyes, "everybody likes Brittany. I mean, seriously, the only votes you probably got were from the hockey team and, I'm pretty sure, a few of them voted for Pierce."
"Really, man, I mean … god … she's like in the Glee club and hasn't ever been slushied because everybody likes her." Jack added.
The almost dead hamster in Rick's brain slowly turned on its wheel and Rick came up with a "brilliant" plan. He would slushie Brittany S. Pierce and she would be so humiliated that she'd resign and he'd be president. It was fool proof. (Forgetting, of course, that Kurt Hummel took the second number of votes (after the false votes were removed, of course).)
"I'm gonna slushie her today! Then she'll have to quit cuz she'll be humiliated."
The was a collective outburst of "Have you lost your damned mind?!" to this proclamation.
The was the first utterance of the phrase that would cause that day to become known as the "Have You Lost Your Damned Mind" day.
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Rick walked with purpose toward the tall, blonde cheerleader. He held a cherry slushie in his right hand. He saw Brittany notice him and smiled his smarmy grin.
He faltered a bit when Brittany simply shook her head and held up her hand, all five fingers splayed out.
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Brittany was minding her own business, waiting for Santana to finish talking to Mr. Kellogg, when she spotted Rick "The Stick" Nelson moving toward her with determination, a slushie in his right hand.
She sighed and shook her head, knowing what was going to happen if he was successful. From the corner of her eye she spotted Santana coming toward her and knew that Rick, most decidedly, was not going to be successful.
She raised her hand, all five fingers splayed out. She slowly tucked her thumb back into her fist, then her pinky, her ring finger, and her middle finger. When the only finger left standing was her pointer finger she pointed it at Rick and slowly pulled it into her fist.
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Rick watched as Brittany … counted down? When she reached one and pointed at him, he was about five steps away from bringing his plan to fruition. When she tucked her pointer in, the slushie cup was popped up into his face and a dark ball of fury slammed him into the lockers behind him with a resounding clang.
A left hook hit his jaw, then a right cross hit his nose with the sound of crunching cartilage. A flurry of blows followed. "Have (punch) you (punch) lost (punch) your (punch) damned (punch) mind (punch)?!"
Rick could barely see but he heard, incredibly softly, in a sing-song voice, "stop the violence."
The blows stopped with a snarl and the body that had been pinning Rick to the lockers stepped away, allowing Rick to slip to the floor in a puddle of cherry slushie.
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Santana was headed toward Britt's locker, happy to have successfully argued her A- up to an A. She was about to call out to Brittany when she saw Britt put her hand up. Santana frowned, looked toward where Britt's eyes were focused, and almost lost her damned mind.
'Oh … Hell to the NO! No me gusta,' she thought as the rage in her chest boiled over and she flew toward the idiot who thought he was going to slushie her girlfriend. She popped the slushie cup up into Rick's face before body slamming him into the lockers. She was going to kill him. A left to the jaw, a right to the nose (she was gratified to hear the crunch of cartilage), and a flurry of blows as she yelled, "Have (punch) you (punch) lost (punch) your (punch) damned (punch) mind (punch)?!"
She would have kept hitting him until he was unrecognizable and unconscious but Brittany's soft sing-songy voice called her back, "stop the violence".
Santana snarled and stepped away, letting Rick slide down the locker into the puddle of slushie.
She stepped up to Brittany. "Are you okay, Britt?"
Brittany smiled at her. "I'm fine, honey." She lifted Santana's hands. "You're going to need …"
"What in the devil went down to Georgia is going on here?" Coach Beiste bellowed.
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Coach Beiste heard the sounds of a fight and headed toward the noise. She came around the corner and saw Rick "The Stick" Nelson lying in puddle of melting cherry slushie, his nose obviously broken, and his face looking like someone took a meat tenderizer to it.
"What in the devil went down to Georgia is going on here?" She bellowed, looking from Rick to Santana Lopez who was trying very hard not to look guilty.
"Lopez! Have you lost your damned mind?"
Santana shrugged. "He slipped on the slushie he was going to throw on Brittany."
It took Coach Beiste all of three seconds to realize what had happened. She turned to look at Rick. "Boy, have YOU lost YOUR damned mind? You must be dumber than a sheep in wolves' clothing." She shook her head.
"Alright! Show's over! I'm sure you all have somewhere to be." Coach Beiste picked Rick up by the scruff of his neck and veritably dragged him to the nurse's office.
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Brittany grabbed hold of Santana's sleeve to drag her to the bathroom without hurting her hands.
She pulled the first aid kit out of her backpack (all the Cheerios carried them due to the number of injuries they suffered) and cleaned, disinfected, put antibiotic ointment on, and wrapped Santana's hands in gauze.
"Thank you," she said softly. "I did try to warn him and …" she sighed, "I hate that you got hurt and you're probably going to get in trouble and …"
"Britt … hey, listen, everyone knows that if they come after you they'll be dealing with me. They KNOW I'm not going to stand by while someone harasses you. I don't know what that idiot was thinking but …" she shakes her head, "no one gets to hurt you." She leaned up and captured Brittany's lips in a soft kiss. "I would do it again in a heartbeat before I'd let you get hurt."
Brittany beamed at her. "I love you, Santana."
"I love you, too, Britt-Britt," Santana beamed right back at her.
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If you were to walk those same halls after the "Have You Lost Your Damned Mind?" day, you would be made aware of a second Immutable Truth: Rick Nelson is an idiot.