Note: The forward to my story is in italicized font. Skip it, if you want to just cut to the chase.
(I'm doing a survey on all the original film adaptions of E. M. Forster and recently saw the 1987 film Maurice based on the controversial novel. I understand why so many people sympathize with Maurice-he's not the first man to have gay feelings and feel trapped. But at the same time, I couldn't help feeling sorry for his mother and sisters too, wondering how they would react if they knew. While I personally don't believe in homosexuality because of my religious convictions, I don't think portraying gays in the books and movies as misunderstood, complex or sympathetic is always a bad thing-so long as it's done with a careful balance between not condemning or condoning the character so regardless of where you stand on the subject, you can still appreciate the story on some level.
One thing I give the film credit for is that the background characters who believe in the traditions, conventions and rules of their society are treated with a certain amount of respect and understanding-they are not all portrayed as hateful, prejudice, hostile and out to get you like the judge pronouncing a cruel sentence on Lord Risley in the courtroom scene-they are simply a product of a different time and you can't expect people from that time period to have the same sensibilities as people from the 21st century. The people in Maurice's life like his mother and sisters, the schoolteacher in the beginning and Dr. Barry sincerely love and care about him even if they might not always have a perfect way of showing it. For instance, you see the mother trying to get him to eat healthy and go to church when she visits him at college. Also in the scene with Dr. Barry, the doctor says "A doctor's trust is a sacred thing; nothing you say to me will reach your mother's ears" when he sees Maurice crying. Even when he gets harsh with Maurice "Who put that lie into your head, etc." he is not a heartless villain-he is simply a product of a different time and culture and didn't have a perfect way of dealing with the situation-perhaps he had never had a patient come to him about that and didn't know what to say.
So I wrote an epilogue where Maurice's mother Judith Hall finds out why he ran away to Argentina and learns to keep a healthy balance between holding fast to her old-fashioned ideals which gives her life a sense of order and purpose while still loving her son unconditionally, even if she disapproves of his decision, the way Rep Tevye found a balance in Fiddler on the Roof when his daughter Chava married outside her faith.)
It was a cool, spring day at the household of Hall. New growth sprung from the trees and the rosebushes and camellias were in full bloom. Kitty walked the perimeter of the house, gathering flowers for a bouquet, her long curly blond hair and thin, gauzy white dress blowing in the breeze. She thought of the time she and her mother Judith and sister Ada had gone to see an exhibition of the Pre-Raphaelites and how some of the artists had an obsession with maidens with long flowing hair and flowers. She smiled as she twirled a soft pink camelia and fastened it to her head. Then she took some cornflowers, made a chain around her neck and twirled around the lawn. She felt as happy as a woodland fairy, here in the peace, safety and tranquility of her country home. The home she had grown up in, the home that made her who she was. She took her precious collection of roses, camellias, daffodils, irises, cornflowers, daisies and Queen Anne's lace and set to work on a bouquet in the drawing room.
Suddenly, a piercing scream from upstairs, followed by the clatter of objects, destroyed the harmony of this seemingly idyllic place. Kitty picked up her long skirts and ran to the scene. Her mother seemed to have lost her mind. Her hair was wild, and she was pulling down objects back and forth. Kitty had never seen her mother thus and it shook her to the core of her being. She wanted to go in and stop her but felt rooted to the spot.
"Alice! Alice! Come quick!" she cried.
Alice the maid came in, seized her headmistress and pulled her down. She was a middle-aged woman, robustly built and tough as nails.
"Fetch the smelling salts!" she said.
Kitty took them out of the bureau and administered them. The mother's face was as pale as death, her mouth was open and trembling and her eyes were red and streaked with tears.
"Get a doctor." said Alice.
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Alice put her headmistress to bed and rocked her back and forth like a child. When Doctor Barry came, he took her pulse and temperature.
"Is she going to die?" asked a tearful Kitty.
"No. Just a panic attack." said the doctor. "Did she tell you anything?"
"No." said the maid. "She didn't say a word...wait...yes...she said...why...Maurice...why...?"
There was silence for a moment.
"Well, whatever it was, she'll tell you when she comes out of it. Keep her sedate and put an ice pack on her head."
"I'll clean up this mess." said Kitty.
As she foraged through the shards of glass, ceramic and other broken things she came across a letter.
My dearest mother,
I love you more than words can say but I simply cannot go on pretending to be something I'm not. I have tried to change but it has all been in vain. I'm leaving for Argentina to begin a new life with Clive's gamekeeper Alexander Scudder. If only you knew how torn my heart is-how I wish I could have him and you and my sisters and my home and friends. But I know that is not possible and I will bear the sacrifice as manfully as I can. I am only doing what I have to for the sake of my sanity. Please don't think too ill of me.
Maurice,
Kitty wrinkled her nose, puzzled. Why would her brother sound so devastated telling his mother about a new friend of his? Then she remembered how she had read about Lord Risley's arrest in the newspaper...and the light began to break. She had asked her mother about it and her mother had the painful duty of explaining an aspect of life she had tried to shield her daughters from-she remembered the Oscar Wilde and Simeon Solomon trials when she was a young woman herself. Being a religious woman by nature, she got out her bible and showed Kitty a certain passage from the book of Romans. Kitty looked over at her mother still in a state of stupor, clutching a picture of her son when he was still a schoolboy. Tears found their way through the lashes of Kitty's eyes. She sat beside her mother and held her tight.
The next morning, Judith (for that was the mother's name) regained her senses. Kitty served her breakfast in bed and sat beside her. For a long time, neither of them said a word. Kitty knew it was wicked to think like this, but when she looked at her mother's still stricken face, it seemed as if Maurice dying in an accident would be easier to bear than the contents of that letter. The letter which is every religious family's worst nightmare.
Suddenly, Judith said quite distinctly "Clive...Clive..."
"What's that?" said Kitty.
"Fetch Clive...I want to speak to Clive..."
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"My dear, you mustn't exert yourself." said Clive as Anne busied about the house. "Not after the dizzy spell you've taken."
"It's allright." said Anne. "It will pass."
"Are you sure you don't want me to call Doctor Barry?"
"Clive, if I called the doctor every time I had a dizzy spell the poor man would never get any rest."
"Well yes, but it's still been a while since you've had a check-up."
"I'm allright darling. There's nothing wrong with me in particular...nothing that nine months won't cure."
"What do you mean nine mon-"
Clive stopped. Anne turned from the vase of flowers she was arranging and smiled with a knowing look in her eyes. Clive rushed to her side.
"You-you mean...?
"Yes!' she said, beaming all over as though an angelic light had emanated from her body. "Yes! Yes!"
"Well that's the most wonderful news in the world!"
Clive picked her up and swung her around. She laughed as she fondled the thick wavy locks of nut brown hair from the top of her husband's head. She had never seen him give such a flamboyant show of affection before.
"I love you, Clive."
"I love you too, Anne."
He kissed her several times, first on the lips and cheeks, then the shoulders, then her stomach.
"What is it? A boy? A girl?"
"I don't know."
"It must be a girl! She's going to have soft black curls and eyes just like her mother."
"I don't mind at all if she looks like her father."
Clive picked Anne up and sat her on his lap. For a moment they forgot all about the propriety of Edwardian ettiquette-it was all kisses, hugs and sweet nothings.
Just then a butler barged in on them. Anne jumped off her husband's lap and laughed, feeling embarrassed.
"Here sir. It's a telegram from Mrs. Hall."
"The mother?"
"Yes."
"She's probably got a new man for Kitty and wants us to come and see him." said Anne.
"Well, you know how mothers are." said Clive.
He opened the telegram.
"Completely devastated. Come without a moment's delay."
"Oh good Lord." said Clive. "I have to go. Something bad has happened."
"What do you think it is?"
"I don't know. Stay here. I'll be back in an hour or so."
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Dr. Barry returned to the Halls to follow up on Judith's health. Judith told him about the letter and he in turn told her about the time Maurice had come to him, asking for a cure.
"I brought that boy into the world." said Dr. Barry. "I never dreamt he would tell me such a thing. It's my fault. I was too harsh with him. I told him 'Never let that evil hallucination-that temptation from the devil enter your mind again. How can you speak so-you whom I know to be a decent man?' I should have just told him, he didn't have to be defined by his thoughts and feelings. Everyone has a bad thought once in a while. All he had to do was acknowledge it and wait for it to go away and he'd be over it...If only I had told him that instead...it's just...I don't know...I don't know what came over me...I was so angry...I've never had a patient come to me about that...I just didn't know what to say...I just couldn't get through to him..."
Just then, Clive entered the scene.
"Clive." said Judith. "I need to speak with you...alone."
Clive felt his heart racing. It had only been three days since his dearest friend had confided in him about the deeper reason he was leaving for Argentina and he had a premonition Judith knew something about it.
"Everyone out." he said, sternly.
Kitty and the doctor exited the room.
"Make sure, they're not listening at the door." said Judith.
Clive checked the hallway.
"All is well."
"Clive..." said Judith, taking his hand. "You're a good man. I believe that from the bottom of my heart...I know I can trust you to keep a confidence."
"What is it?"
"You were best friends with my son. No one knew him better than you did...Do you remember last year when you fainted at the dinner table and my son kissed you when we were helping you off the floor?"
"Yes." said Clive.
"Why did he do that?"
Clive's hands began to shake.
"Don't be frightened. Just tell me the truth."
"I...I don't why he did that...I guess he was just upset and concerned for my...No...no that's not it at all..."
Judith picked up her son's letter and handed it to Clive. Clive read it. He took a deep breath and told Judith everything from the day he and Maurice had met in Oxford.
"I loved him but I felt torn so I told him to keep it strictly platonic. And he did. I never gave myself to him or any other before I met Anne. And that's the truth. I swear it on my salvation."
Clive had proudly renounced religion to Maurice during their schooldays but his wife Anne loved going to church and devotional studies so he accompanied her and found himself appreciating it more. This was why he used the phrase. "I swear it on my salvation." He still didn't quite consider himself a believer but he enjoyed the services and was beginning to think having a group of codes, traditions and laws to give one's life a sense of order and purpose was not so bad after all-as opposed to allowing oneself to be swayed wherever the heart led. Ever since he had visited Greece and met Anne, he had come to believe, in matters of love it was better to be ruled by the mind rather than the heart. He had never burned any of his bridges-not even Maurice although the two of them had gone their separate ways-while Maurice on the other hand had given up all the things in his life by which one might have derived good-family, friends, profession, home-in the belief that his happiness depended entirely upon one person. He thought of how devastated he had felt that night, Maurice told him about Alec. Was Alec really worth the sacrifice of all his previous blessings? Why, oh why could Maurice not have taken a wife and found a way to be comfortable and content in the safe bubble of convention, as Clive had done? He did not condone Maurice's decision...yet he could not condemn him either for he knew in his heart he was no better.
"Please don't ever tell Anne." he said with a sob. "This was something that happened before I met her. She wouldn't understand."
"No." said Judith. "No. I wouldn't dream of it...I've talked with Dr. Barry. He said he had seen Maurice a few months ago...Maurice asked...if he could cure him."
Judith felt the tears coming again.
"Why couldn't he have come to me? I would have helped him through it. We could have weathered it."
"I'm sure you would have...Does...does anyone else know about this?"
"Only me, you, Kitty and the doctor. Please don't tell a soul."
"No...never...is there anything I can do to help?"
"I want you to find me the finest detectives in this country..."
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A year passed and there was no more mention of Maurice and Alec in the household of Hall. Judith swore Kitty to secrecy-she wanted her friends to remember Maurice the way they imagined him to be. She was grateful her husband Rodger was not alive when this happened for she knew he would have raised hell. She could see him railing against his only son, calling him a degenerate and saying he was no longer part of the family. Her husband was not a cruel man by nature-he was simply a product of his time and wouldn't have had a perfect way of dealing with the situation.
Besides, she still had plenty of people to share her heart with-her two daughters Kitty and Ada and her son-in-law Frederick. (Ada's husband) One day they all went to a picnic with the Durhams to celebrate the new arrivals-Ada and Frederick's son Elijah Woodward and Clive and Anne's daughter Grace Durham. It was a happy reunion, all of them wearing their white spring clothes, sitting in the soft heather by the lake, taking turns holding the two babies who were as sweet and precious as a pair of rosebuds. Yet, admist the sweetness of the reunion, Judith couldn't help feeling slightly soured because she knew someone was missing.
"When is your son going to get married, Judith?" said Mrs. Durham. (Clive's mother) "Don't you think it's high time he found the right girl so he can carry on the name of Hall?"
"Well, he's in Argentina now." said Frederick. "Who knows? Perhaps he'll marry a native woman."
The group laughed.
"I should hope not." said Mrs. Durham. "If Clive told me that, I think I should have a stroke."
Judith knew they were only joking but she felt stung to the heart.
"I don't care about that anymore." she said. "Wherever he is...I hope he's found what he's looking for."
"Does he every write?" asked Mrs. Durham.
"Excuse me." said Judith.
She got up and left the group.
"What's wrong with her?" said Mrs. Durham. "I've never seen Judith out of sorts before."
"She's just tired, is all." said Kitty.
Judith walked through the grass all the way to the boathouse. It was a lovely building made of rock, plaster, wooden beams and a tin roof. A couple of canoes floated lazily by the dock surrounded by reeds and lilypads. If only she had known of it's significance, she would have abhorred it as a temple haunted by unclean spirits. Nevertheless, it seemed the perfect place to rest and reflect. She would never fully comprehend the pain Maurice felt in making his decision. All she knew was, he was a kind, loving son who deserved the very best. Whatever his future course, her heart would never be closed to him.
She looked up at the sky and began to pray.
"When you took my husband sixteen years ago, I accepted it without question even though it hurt more than words could say. I trusted the bigger picture-that you knew best, even though I couldn't see it at the time. I see now...how you spared him something he might not have been able to cope with. I've searched my heart as to how I could have failed my son but I can't see where I went wrong. If I ever see him again, please give me the right words."
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Kitty found sleep difficult. The night was chilly and the wind was howling with an unearthly sound as though the spirits of bygone days were passing by. Ever since that terrible day, she had struggled with feelings of hatred and resentment towards her brother. How could he possibly burn his bridge with his family when they were children together? But slowly and gradually, she began to understand that she didn't truly hate Maurice; she loved him to the core of her being and that's why it hurt so much. She had wanted to take up the pen and write a kind word to him, yet something held her back. She said a silent prayer that the Lord would deliver her from these evil thoughts.
Presently, she got up, put on her dressing gown and went outside hoping to push Maurice out of her mind for a little while. She stared at the blackness of the woods before her, wondering about her future.
Would she ever find her matching half as her sister Ada had? Or was she destined to join the group of cold, sterile spintsters who taught at ladies finishing schools, chaperoned their charges and mended stockings for their nephews and nieces? Her mother had taught her as a little girl, marriage was a sacred mystery. When you stood before the altar and made your vows, you entered a new life and bade farewell to the old one forever. But before one could be happily married, one had to be happily single. Whatever fate had planned, she knew there would always be people who truly loved and honored her for who she was. She had slowly but surely learned with the faith of a child to trust the bigger picture as her mother had done.
Just then, she heard a soft noise. A door had closed behind her and a dark figure was gliding away.
"Mother..."
Judith was wearing a hat and a long fur coat and carried a cane and a couple of carpetbags. Kitty saw the serious look on her face and read her mind.
"Where are you going?"
"To a place far away from here."
"You're going to see him." said Kitty.
"Yes."
"What will you do?"
"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. It's his life...I just have to see my baby once more...I will fear nothing."
"God be with you." said Kitty.
Judith turned to leave.
"And mother..." Kitty hesitated, trying to get the words out. "Tell him I still love him...and I always will."
Kitty felt as though a tremendous burden had been lifted from her shoulders. She looked up at the sky, smiled and said "Thank you, God."
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Judith remembered little of the journey, for so many thoughts were running through her mind. As she passed through the trains and the ship's compartments, she only spoke when spoken to and spent most of her time in fervent prayer, her bible clutched in one hand, her son's new address in the other. She was afraid of how she would feel when she saw her son with his new companion but when she remembered all the good things about him-how kind and gentle he was with his family and friends, how he always tried to make amends if he had hurt them somehow, how hard-working and respectful he was to his elders and how he had always been faithful to give her flowers in the spring when he was a little boy-she felt a little braver. She had always tried to accept the good and bad in her children and keep a careful balance between not approving of what she considered the bad but loving them all the same. Never had she dreamt the strength of her love would be so sorely tested and she implored the great Deity whom she had been taught to kneel and bow to as a little girl, to empower her to climb this seemingly impossible mountain.
The Bariloche Mountains of Argentina were the most beautiful sight Judith had ever seen. Tall, gray and formidable, sprinkled with snow, they reminded her of the Swiss Alps. The village was mainly built of English looking houses-brick and mortar with thatched roofs and the occasional Catholic and Anglican church with stained glass windows and a long steeple, where South American and European peasants co-existed. The forests, hills and lakes were bright, vivid greens and blues with white and silver rocks like gigantic pieces of jewelry. She closed her eyes and inhaled the cool, clean air with the occasional scent of a rose. For a moment, she was so enraptured by the magic of this blessed place, she had nearly forgotten the gravity of her visit. She could understand why Maurice and Alec would prefer it to the noise and squallor of Buenos Aires. However, the sun was going down and she was not yet prepared to see them. So she rented a room at an inn and spent the night.
The next morning, Judith went downstairs to the restauraunt below the apartments. Her heart was still broken but she felt a little lighter inside; perhaps due to the effect of this new atmosphere. The hostess put before her the most delicious breakfast she had ever tasted.
"You're not from around here are you?" she said, pouring her tea.
"No. I'm from England."
"England? That's practically clear across the world! Why have you come so far?"
Judith sighed and smiled.
"To see a good friend of mine." she said softly.
"You must be very close to come all this way."
"Well...I don't know about that...It's...it's complicated."
"Well, I sure would love to hear about it."
"No. I don't think so...it's...it's a personal matter."
"Oh, I see. Well, whatever your problem is, I hope this trip provides the answer."
"I hope so, too."
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Judith bought a large, walking stick, curiously carved and began the last stage of her journey. Maurice and Alec's house was a good distance from the village so it was a three mile walk. When it came into view, she felt her heart pounding like a drum. There was no point in turning back now, though her subconsious self commanded her to. She would see this to the end.
"Morning ma'am." said a deep, masculine voice with a cockney accent.
Judith turned around. A young man smiled and tipped his cap to her. He was dressed in a hunting costume and carried a long rifle and a pair of coneys. He was rather short in stature, but a ruggedly handsome man nonetheless. His face was squarely built and his deep brown eyes sparkled with mischief beneath the tousled mop of dark, curly hair. Judith smiled. He reminded her of the days of her youth when the men buzzed around her like bees around a jampot. In those days, she might have been tempted to wink at him.
"A good morning to you too, sir." she said with a bow.
"What's a fine lady like yourself doing way out here in the sticks? No carriage, no escort. If only your sort could see you now, they'd call it scandalous."
For the first time in nearly a year, Judith laughed-albeit a short, soft one.
"Well, I've always been a rather private person." she said. "Sometimes I move in circles but I prefer to do things on my own."
"Are you looking for someone?"
"I'm looking for my son, Maurice Hall. I believe he lives here. At least, that's what the address says."
"Indeed he does. We live together."
Judith felt her heart leap in her throat.
"Then you must be Alexander Scudder."
"Indeed I am." He smiled and extended his arm. "Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Hall."
Then Judith did something she thought she could never bring herself to do. With a great effort, she slowly and cautiously took Alec's hand. Alec could sense from the uneasy look on her face, she knew something. For a moment, neither of them could think of anything to say.
"Maurice is off taking a walk but he'll be back soon." said Alec. "You must be tired. Come inside."
The house was simple and rustic, with wooden chairs and tables, tin plates and cups and woolen rugs. But what struck Judith most was the group of stuffed animals that peppered the place-deer, llamas, squirrles and other creatures she was not familiar with. She found herself standing on a rug made of leopard skin with it's head still attached. Apparently, Alec was proud of his conquests.
He helped her into her chair, made her lunch and waited on her as if he were still a servant back in England. When he had met Maurice, he had been surly and resentful towards people above his station but perhaps a change of scenery had softened his attitude. He chattered away about the various types of animals he had killed, the new friends he had made and whatnot. None of this interested Judith but she knew he was only trying to be a good host.
Just then, Maurice entered, also wearing rustic garb. He gasped and drew back.
"Mother!"
"Maurice." said Judith, rising from her chair. This was the moment she had been waiting for. Once more she was dumbstruck.
"What are you doing here?" said Maurice.
"I...I came to see you. Don't be afraid. I came alone."
Maurice's lips began to tremble. A tear found his way through the lashes of his eyes. He ran out of the house. Judith found a new strength rise up within her. She followed him for she would not be gotten rid of so easily-not when she had come this far. She found him in the woodshed, curled up in a corner, weeping like a child. She put her hand on his shoulder.
"Stay away!" he cried. "Why must you torture me? Why couldn't you just leave me alone?"
"I tried Maurice. You'll never know how hard I tried."
"I suppose you've told these people everything...lost me my job...my new friends."
"How little you know your mother if you think that."
Maurice stopped, ashamed.
"Forgive me." he said. "I didn't mean to be disrespectful."
"I know why you wrote that letter." she said. "It was a cry for help."
"No. I was only trying to be honest with you."
"I know all about you and Clive and you and Alec. I spoke to Dr. Barry and he told me about the night you came to him asking for a cure. I haven't come to give you a stern sermon. I just wanted to see you. That's why I came. Can't you understand? Are you happy here? Are you finding what you really want?"
"Yes. I love him and he loves me and I'm not ashamed to say it. Now will you please go? And please don't come around here anymore?"
"I won't Maurice. I already said all of that in my heart, when I came. Can you just grant me one wish?"
"What?"
"I'd like to take just one more walk with you. We don't have to say anything. Just being near you is enough."
Judith extended her hand to her son. Together they walked through the grass at the edge of the gigantic lake. Slowly, he became more comfortable in his mother's presence. He even stooped down to collect a few rocks and fling them into the water.
"How is Ada and Kitty?"
"All is well with them. You have a nephew now."
"Ada and Frederick?"
"Yes. He was born a few months ago. They call him Elijah."
"Oh, that's wonderful. And Kitty?"
"Well, suitors come and go, but she's happy living alone with me. She's thinking of teaching French and Latin at a ladies' finishing school."
"Oh, she should be very good at that. I never was."
"She still loves you and always will...no matter what. Those were her very words."
Judith could tell her son was touched by this.
"Oh! And Clive and Anne have a little girl named Grace. If only you could see her. She's as sweet as a cherub."
"I'm sure she is."
"Clive's giving up politics. He says it's the nastiest job in the world. He wants to be a humanitarian and build his own foundation for the homeless, addicted and mentally troubled."
"That's like Clive...always trying to do the noble thing...He once said, in matters of love...one must use one's head rather than one's heart. That was something we could never agree on."
When they finished their walk, he led her back to the house. Subconsciously, they had come to the understanding they were about to part ways.
"Do they miss me?" he said.
"Yes...but they'll get through it."
"And you?"
"I will always grieve your absence but if the good Lord sees fit to keep up my strength, I will be able to weather it. My heart will never be far from you, my child...now take care...bundle up, make sure you're eating well, don't you be careless..."
Judith could stand it no longer. She threw her arms around her son and rocked him back and forth.
"Oh my baby...my baby..."
They stood like that for what was a minute but seemed an eternity. It was as though land, sky and water had ceased to exist and all that was left was mother and son and the firmament below them.
Judith looked over her shoulder and saw Alec standing from a distance, respecting their privacy. She let go of her son, smiled and said loud and clear "May God go with you both."
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Maurice had entered her life for a little while...but she could not hold on to something that wanted to leave; she could only love it while it was in her grasp. For the first time, she went to sleep, feeling peaceful. In her dream, she called out his name. Then she saw the ghostly image of two youths running hand in hand-wild and carefree-through the mountains. They reached the summit of the hill, then descended out of sight and were gone forever.
The End