A/N: So yeah, here's a little one shot when I should be working on my other stuff—of course, I should be working on work stuff too so I'm apparently trying to avoid things…anyway, this takes place after Harm's rescue in Adrift, Part II, only this time the poor man is in a bit of a coma. And yes, I stole the title from a Sandra Bullock movie.
While You Were Sleeping
I can only come here at night. During the day, his mother or his girlfriend are here and they won't let me within ten feet of him. They blame me for everything, for making him fly home in a storm to make it to my wedding, for his crash, and now the coma he's been in for the last two weeks. They're right, of course. All of this is my fault, and I should stay away, but I can't. I need to feel my flyboy close to me, even though he too probably wants nothing to do with me.
They found Harm the night of my rehearsal dinner, or to give myself some credit I found him by seeing his coordinates in my mind's eye. He was nearly dead with hypothermia, his heart rate so low it barely registered. They warmed him up, and though he still lived, they couldn't wake him up. He still won't wake up, no matter how much I beg him to.
The night nurse, Jodi this time, nods as I pass her to enter Harm's room. As soon as I reach Harm's bed, I kick off my shoes and climb in beside him, my arm immediately reaching out to wrap around his broad chest. I feel it rise and fall, his breaths deep and even, and after a few moments, I begin to whisper in his ear.
"Hi, Harm. It's me again. I don't know why they let me stay here, but I'm not about to start asking. You know, flyboy, I wish you'd wake up and say something, even if it was to tell me to get the hell away from you." I chuckle, not because I think he wouldn't tell me that, but because I've said these words to him every night since I started coming here. I need a new schtick, I guess.
"Harm?" I ask his silent form after a moment. "Why haven't you woken up? The doctors can't see any reason for it, you know. We all miss you. I don't say anything, but I think I miss you the most. You've been like this for only two weeks but with Mic and René I feel like I haven't seen you or really spoken to you for the last two years. Spending nights here with you, talking to you…well, it's probably the most we've spoken in a long time, or it would be if you'd answer me back."
Tears sting my eyes, because I have a feeling my nighttime visits are soon to be coming to an end. Harm's mom or René will find me here and whatever benevolent force has allowed me to sleep here night after night will be overruled. Of course, I cry every night I'm here so maybe it's just my normal tears?
"What do you think, Harm? Do you think they'll chase me out of here tomorrow? I don't think I could take it, sweetheart. If I couldn't feel you, if I couldn't lie here next to you, I think I would just go home and die. Oh, no, Harm. I wouldn't hurt myself, but I think my soul would die. I love you, you know. Mic told me I did, more than once, but I kept denying it, until I couldn't. He left me, but that's okay. He's back in Australia. I hurt him so much and I'll never forgive myself. I should have just admitted I loved you from the start, even if you didn't, don't love me. So much pain would have been avoided. You wouldn't be here. I'm sorry, Harm. I'm so, so sorry!"
With that, I'm sobbing into his big, warm body. I clutch him to me, barely careful of all the monitors and IVs connected to him until I fall asleep. I wake up early in the morning, more exhausted than ever, but I need to leave here before the sun rises. I carefully slide out of bed, kissing my flyboy's forehead before I slip on my shoes and sneak away.
Another week goes by, and I don't think I've ever been this tired. My nights with Harm are too short and work is too hard being down one attorney. Plus, I can't shake the feeling that I'm getting closer and closer to losing access to my beloved.
The admiral has been watching me carefully for the last couple of days. He looks worried, but each time he comes close to approaching me, I take off in the opposite direction. He can't know where I spend my nights. He would be one of those that would stop it for sure. I can't let him—
"Colonel, a word."
Oh, no.
"Sir, I was just—" I hold up a file and try to make it look like I'm on an important errand.
"Walk with me, Colonel." His tone tells me I'd best comply. No more excuses.
"Yes, sir," I meekly agree, then to my surprise, he leads me outside and sits me down at one of the wrought iron tables.
"You look tired, Mac. Are you okay?" he asks once he's seated across from me.
"I'm fine, sir. I just have a lot of cases, what with Ha-uh, Commander Rabb…" I can't say anymore because I'll only humiliate myself by crying in front of my CO.
"I think you have been working too hard. You've had a lot happen in the last month, and no doubt you've had a lot of late nights." He stares at me, one eyebrow raised. I can't stop the blush that rises in my cheeks, and now I'm sure he already knows what I do outside of the office.
"If my work has been subpar—"
He waves my words away. "No, it's been excellent as usual. I'm merely saying I would encourage you to take a few days off."
My eyes widen in surprise. We're already short; how could he allow this? And what am I supposed to do with all those daylight hours?
Sleep, Mac. You should sleep.
I raise my eyes to my CO's, and I see so much sympathy in them. Now there's no doubt in my mind he knows everything, but I still can't take him up on his offer. I need the work to distract me.
"Sir, I can't."
"Mac—"
"I'm sorry, but I just can't." My eyes burn with tears, but I don't let them fall. Admiral Chegwidden gazes at me for long moments before he finally nods.
"Okay, Mac. But at least take the rest of the day."
"There's no need—"
"Don't make me make it an order."
So that's it, then. I'll have to spend an afternoon alone, with nothing but my thoughts and worries to distract me. I answer with a barely audible, "yes, sir," and then he stands. He takes two or three steps before turning back around.
"Mac, if there's anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask."
Admiral Chegwidden seems so sincere, and for a while I want to pour out everything to him, but instead, all I do is give him another, "yes, sir," and soon enough I'm driving away from headquarters.
Dammit Dammit Dammit!
I'm late. I tried to sleep as soon as got home, but instead, I tossed and turned until I gave up and sat on the couch to watch a movie. Of course, it was then that sleep overtook me, and I didn't wake up until an hour after I usually arrive at the hospital. Cursing the disappearance of my time sense, I rushed out the door, probably leaving my door unlocked behind me, and now I'm practically running down the hall toward Harm's room.
Tonight, I don't even bother to speak to him. I just curl up beside him and cry, falling asleep within five minutes. I think. My time sense still isn't working.
My eyes aren't open yet, but I still see sunlight. I know something is wrong, something is different, and I can feel someone watching me.
"Just what the hell is going on here?!"
My eyes fly open, and I sit up to find myself staring into a pair of angry blue eyes.
"René!"
"Why are you in bed with him?!"
"I'd like to know that too."
Great. His mother's here as well, and behind her lurks his stepfather, Frank.
"I-I…"
I really don't know what to say. There's nothing to say. I truly have no right to be here. I awkwardly climb out of bed and slide into my shoes, equally awkwardly. I rush past the three people that do belong here, although René does try to stop me. She grabs hold of my arm, her nails digging into my skin. I pull away from her grip, and those sharp, blood red nails drag down my skin. It burns and I'm sure beads of blood are welling up. I don't care, though. I run out the door and out of the hospital, and before I know it, I'm at the Admiral's doorstep, begging him to send me anywhere as long as it isn't here, and as long as I can be a marine again. I've been a shadow of the once strong Lt. Colonel I was, and it's time to get that back.
Something's missing. I've gotten used to having her by my side, filling up my empty nights. I wish I could wake up and tell her that. I've tried, lord how I've tried, but I just can't. She's been begging me to; so have my mom and René, but I really want to do it for her. She's told me it's over between her and Mic and I want to wake up and tell her I'm overjoyed to hear that, that I hope it's not too late for us, but now she's gone, and I don't know why.
Actually, I think I do know why…my mother and René. I get René, but why has my mother been so nasty? I just don't understand, and frankly I don't feel like working so hard to come out of this coma now. My best friend, my Mac, isn't here.
I lasted two weeks. Two damn weeks. I suppose it isn't my fault I got injured, and I should be proud it happened while I was being that "tough" marine again, but I expected I'd be gone longer. Bud told me Harm still isn't awake. We'll be in the same hospital, but I don't know if they'll let me sneak away to see him. I have burns on my legs that need to be cared for, and a large gash on my arm that is fairly severely infected, and now the infection is in my bloodstream as well. They wanted to keep me in Germany, but I harassed the admiral enough that he had me flown here to Bethesda. Oh, yeah…I was shot in the leg, but it missed the bone and went clear through. I'll be fine; it'll just take a bit to recover. Maybe more than a bit, because right now I feel absolutely terrible.
Somehow, I know she's back, but she's not okay. I need to find her, but for that to happen, I need to cut the crap and wake up. Besides, I need to get René's voice out of my ear. Don't get me wrong, I care for her, but I don't love her like I love her.
I've listened to my doctors. They don't get it. They don't understand why I'm still lying here, more than asleep but less than dead. Neither do I, but I'm getting pissed. The longer I lie here, the weaker I get. I'll probably be as tough as a kitten when I wake up, and if I don't want to be even worse than that, I'd better wake my ass up. I'm ready now.
"Look, Mom, I know you know she's here, and I know you're angry with her, but I'm going to see her. She's sick."
"So are you!"
"No, I'm not! I need some rehab since I lay there for over a month, but I'm not sick. Now, wheel my ass up there!"
"I should slap your mouth for talking to me like that, and you wipe that smile off your face."
"So, you'll take me?"
My mother rolls her eyes. "Yes, I'll take you, but I'm still mad at her."
"Why?"
"Because she…if it weren't for her…"
"Mom, we talked about that. Even René understands. And you need to forgive Frank. He was just doing what was right."
"He went behind my back."
"I know, and I'm glad he did. I just wish I didn't have to thank Brumby for helping him out."
My mother wrinkles her nose. "Doesn't it strike you as weird that her ex-fiancé helped arrange to allow her to spend her nights here?"
"Yes. Yes, it does, but evidently, he understands too. I love her, Mom. Now, are you ready to haul my carcass up there?"
My mother throws up her hands. "Yes, son. What room is she in?"
"Don't know, but I'll know it when I'm there."
Mom stares at me a moment, then shakes her head. "Fine. Lead on, then."
It's pretty easy to find her, and for a moment I just watch her sleep. She's so pale, and there's a tightness in my throat and a burning in my eyes. The last thing I want to do is cry in front of my mother, so I tell her to wheel me closer and then leave us alone. I know she wants to protest, but to my relief, she does what I tell her to, and then I lean forward and take her limp hand in mine.
"Hey, Mac, it's good to see you. I don't want to wake you up, so I'm just going to sit here and hold your hand for a while. They told me you were hurt but that you'll be fine. I missed you while you were gone, you know. Okay, I said I'd just sit here and hold your hand so—"
"Harm?"
"Yeah?"
"You're awake?"
"I am."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes, Mac."
"No, I'm dreaming."
"Maaac…"
Oh, no. Now she's crying. Shit. I shouldn't have come here. The admiral said she picked up a nasty infection in her arm and she's been burned and shot. God, what a mess, but she saved more than one marine. I'm so proud of her. But, oh lord, she's still crying.
It's a bit tricky to lower the rails on her bed and climb in with her given I'm rather uncoordinated at the moment, but once I'm settled, I pull her into my arms. I try to be mindful of her IVs and such as best I can, and then just hold her while she cries. Eventually, she falls back asleep, with me following soon after.
An hour later, my mother is shaking me awake and telling me it's time to go back to my own room. I shake my head, loathe to awaken Mac, but clearly my mother's not going away without a fight.
"Mom, please. Just let her sleep a little longer. She's had a pretty rough time of it." And she has. She feels almost bird-like in my arms, and I feel weighed down with guilt for my part in it.
"Harm, your doctor's going to be looking for you soon."
"Then tell him where to find me. Please, Ma. I haven't seen her in so long." I can't believe I, a man in his upper thirties, is actually begging my mother for something.
My mother purses her lips, then finally nods. "Okay, darling." I smile in relief as she sighs deeply. "Poor dear. She looks like she's been through it. It's hard to stay mad at her."
I'm surprised when my mom leans over and tucks a strand of Mac's hair behind her ear before she kisses me on the forehead. "Have her nurse call me when you're ready to come back, okay? Don't give me that look, Harm. They're going to have to examine her sooner or later and they're not going to let you lie there and ogle her." She waves goodbye and finally leaves the room.
It's another hour before Mac begins to stir and it's quickly apparent she's having a nightmare of sorts. I stroke her back and call out to her, but it takes several moments for her to come back to herself. Tears still slip past her cheeks as her eyes flutter open, and then she looks at me with shock written all over her beautiful face.
"You really are here," she whispers, the fingers of her good hand tracing the contours of my face.
"I am."
"Oh, Harm. I'm so, so sorry."
"What for?"
"For everything. For Mic. For not wishing you good luck. For guilting you into rushing back for the wedding."
"You didn't guilt me, sweetheart."
"I didn't?"
"No. I just had to be there."
"But why?"
"Because you're my best friend…and I…well, I was hoping I'd, uh, get the guts to stop it."
"Oh, Harm…I was too."
"You were?"
"Yeah, but what kind of person does that make me?"
"It…Mac, it…it doesn't make you anything. We both screwed up, but who you are is the woman I love."
"Oh…"
"Oh, god, Mac. It's too soon isn't it. It's—oof."
Mac practically throws herself at me and suddenly her lips are on mine. In between kisses she tells me she loves me too, and then our tongues me. It's magical. Beautiful. So wonderful she's crying. Oh lord, those tears aren't tears of joy. She's in terrible pain and I can't get out of the bed fast enough. I've managed to tangle myself in the sheets, and the next thing I know, I'm lying dazed on the floor.
Nurses file in and attend to Mac first, and then finally lift me back into my chair. I'm so sick with worry for my beloved that I actually vomit, which is okay I guess because poor Mac is vomiting with pain. No, it's not okay. It's breaking my heart.
It seems to take forever, but finally things are back under control. Mac is resting comfortably, and my mother has come back to take me to my room.
"Hello, dear," my mom says softly to Mac as she takes her hand. Mac's eyes widen and she looks between us fearfully.
"Mirsis Burnett, I'm so s-sorry about errything." Her words are slurring with the pain medications she's been given.
"Oh, Sarah, it's okay. My son has explained a few things to me, and I owe you an apology."
"Oh…no…" Her eyes drift shut. Once I'm sure she's out I nod to my mother, and she starts wheeling me out. We're not even to the door, though, when Mac's panicked voice reaches my ears.
"Harm?"
"Yeah, hon?"
"Don't go. Please don't go. Please."
"Mac, honey…"
"Please…"
My mother walks around me and steps up to the side of Mac's bed. "Mac, sweetheart, Harm's doctor needs to look him over, but maybe we can find a way for you to share a room?"
Both Mac and I look at her doubtfully, but Mac grudgingly agrees. I tell her I love her before my mother wheels me away, and I try to tell myself it's the head injury I must have had that's making me teary. Neither my mother nor I buy it.
Hours later, I lie in my darkened room. Sadly, my mother was unable to convince the doctors to let me move in with Mac. Good thing she knew how to contact the admiral, because it didn't take much for them to cave to the two-star breathing down their necks. I chuckle as I remember the glare on Mac's doctor's face when he watched my mother wheel me back in.
"What's so funny, Harm?" Mac whispers in the night.
"Nothing, really. I was just thinking about how pissed your doctor looked when they let me do this."
I hear Mac sigh. "Yeah…I feel a bit bad about that, but I don't think I could handle being without you tonight."
"I didn't want to be without you either, not when we've been apart for so long."
"You're talking about more than the last few weeks, aren't you," she says knowingly.
"I am. I feel like it's been two years since we've been together, just like you said."
"Just like I said?"
"Yeah, while I was, you know…"
"While you were sleeping…sleeping really, really hard?"
Her description of my coma makes me grin. "Yeah."
"Wait, are you saying you heard me?"
"I am, Mac. I heard everything."
"Including that I…I…"
"Including that? Yeah."
"So, you know I love you too?"
"I know, Sarah."
"Oh…oh…"
"Just oh?"
"No, I-I'm, I'm just…oh, Harm."
"And I love you, Mac. So much."
I was going to wait for this next part, because I don't have an important piece of jewelry with me right now, but I just have to do it.
"Mac, will you marry me?"
I feel her stunned silence. It seems to go on forever, but just when I'm about to backpedal and apologize for my audacity, she says the most beautiful word.
"Yes!"
"What?"
"Yes, Harm, I will marry you!" And then she bursts into tears.
"Mac, Mac! Why are you crying?"
"Why are you?"
What?!
Sure enough, there is a wetness on my cheeks. "Because I'm happy!"
"Well, so am I!"
Our tears suddenly change to laughter which unfortunately causes Mac to groan in pain. Wanting to touch her, to comfort her, I work my way out of bed and climb into hers. Once she's in my arms, I tell her I love her over and over until she's sleeping again. Vowing to marry her as soon as we are both fully recovered, I join her in slumber moments later, a smile on my face.
End