~ Chapter 8: It's Back ~

Just as Merlin and Arthur were falling into a comfortable routine with their new normal, it happened. School was almost out for the year, and they had big plans for the summer. After a lot of begging (and in Arthur's case, playing the I–need–this–after–dad card), Hunith and Igraine had agreed to let them plan a trip away from their parents. They'd been talking about nothing else since they were given some freedom. They'd also be going to Disney over the summer.

Things were looking great for them. So much for those plans.

Merlin and Arthur were in gym class. Their teacher had their class playing soccer inside as a way of keeping them busy while it rained outside. Merlin had hoped that they'd be able to sit around and hang out since there were only two days left of school but that was apparently out of the question. Merlin was naturally atrocious at sports and spent more time tripping over his own two feet than he did kicking the ball. For the most part, his classmates avoided passing to him and almost no one made fun of him. Arthur was the only one who could insult Merlin and get away with it; if anyone else tried… well, they all knew that they'd face the wrath of Arthur.

When they were taking a water break, Merlin's face went paler than Arthur had ever seen it. Given how pale Merlin was in general, that was saying something. "Arthur," he whispered before he collapsed. He hit the hardwood floor with a scary 'thunk'. Arthur was instantly at his side. He had no idea what to do, but tried calling Merlin's name to rouse him to consciousness. He heard footsteps and didn't know which of his classmates were crowding them. He didn't care. He felt a hand on his shoulder. "What happened?" That was Gwen. Wherever Gwen was, Morgana would certainly follow. Arthur was still surprised by how quickly they'd become friends, but he was grateful for it. They made him feel less alone in this.

Merlin moaned and his eyes fluttered before they shut again.

Arthur carefully lifted Merlin a little and felt his heart drop down to his feet. He blinked several times as if that would change the angry rash he saw across the back of Merlin's neck. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut and willed the rash to be a figment of his imagination or a product of the all–nighter he and Merlin had pulled to study for their last two finals.

Arthur hesitantly drew back Merlin's shirt and saw the rash spread out over a majority of his upper back.

Arthur and Hunith had been told what warning signs might indicate a relapse. There were so many things to look for – bruising, fevers, unusual fatigue, and… a rash made up of tiny red spots. Please no. Please no. Please no. Arthur threw his wishes to the sky, hoping that someone or something would hear him. "He needs to go to the hospital." Arthur wasn't known for overreacting. Sure, with Merlin, the bar was much lower, but he rarely blew things out of proportion.

Their gym teacher, Mr. Aithusa, crouched down. He was on the phone with someone. "Um, hold on. Merlin? Can you hear me?" Merlin let out another moan. "He's conscious but not particularly responsive. Thanks, Maggie." He hung up. "Alright. Mrs. Alinor is on her way." Mrs. Alinor was the school nurse.

"He needs to go to the hospital," Arthur repeated.

"I know you're worried, but he's probably dehydrated. We see this all the time. It's hot in here and even hotter outside. He probably just pushed himself too hard. Mrs. Alinor is coming with a wheelchair, and she'll get him some water and an ice pack. Make sure he's okay."

"This isn't dehydration! Merlin has… something. His doctor's at the hospital." Arthur was pretty sure all of Merlin's teachers knew about Merlin's cancer, but he could be wrong. Maybe they weren't told this year. Merlin certainly didn't look sick anymore.

"I promise he probably doesn't need the hospital. Mrs. Alinor will be here soon, and she'll make that decision." Mr. Aithusa looked at Arthur as if he was a little kid and that made Arthur furious. Arthur knew he was young, but he knew he was right about Merlin. Arthur wasn't about to sit around and watch Merlin die all because some gym teacher thought Merlin was like every other kid in the class. Merlin wasn't. They both hated it, but his cancer made him different. It meant dehydration for someone else could mean a relapse for him.

In retrospect, Arthur probably overreacted. "If you're not gonna help, I'll get him there myself," Arthur warned.

He climbed to his feet and pulled Merlin to his feet. Merlin couldn't stand on his own, but he also didn't collapse immediately, so Arthur took that as a good sign.

"You can't leave!"

"Watch me."

"Are… are you sure about this?" Morgana asked. She looked conflicted as she looked between Arthur and Mr. Aithusa.

"Yes." His voice was even as he met Morgana's eyes.

She nodded once before she ducked under Merlin's arm.

"Arthur!" Mr. Aithusa called.

Arthur spun around, eliciting another moan from Merlin. "Look, I know you're a teacher and naturally that means you know everything there is to know, but you've known Merlin for ten months. I've known him for sixteen years. I think I know him better than you do."

"I understand that you're scared, I really do, but –"

"No, you don't. Because if you understood, you wouldn't be standing there telling me that this is goddamn dehydration. Merlin has leukemia and his rash is back, which might mean his cancer is back. You might be willing to bet his life, but I'm not. So you can stick your foot up your ass because I am getting him where he needs to be."

It was eerily quiet in the gym. In the back of his head, Arthur realized that he'd inadvertently spilled Merlin's secret to their whole class, but he was too scared to think of anything except Merlin's rash. The shame would come later – shame at what he'd said to his teacher and shame at his impulse. Right then, Arthur couldn't make himself care.

Morgana helped Arthur get Merlin out of the gym. "Shit," he whispered.

"What?" Arthur hadn't realized Gwen had followed them until that moment.

"I need to get my phone. It's in the locker room."

"Go. Should we get him to the nurse?"

"Office. I'll call his mom."

Arthur ran to the locker room as fast as he could. His fingers fumbled with his lock as he tried to get in his locker. Finally, he yanked it open, grabbed his phone, and was running again. He slowed his run long enough to find Hunith's contact in his phone.

She answered right away. "Hello?" Her voice was cheery. She was probably enjoying her only day off. What perfect timing. The thought filled Arthur's mouth with a bitter taste.

"It's Arthur."

"So my caller ID suggested. What can I do for you? If you want me to convince Merlin to let you come with him when he goes to his check–up before Disney, the answer is no. You know how he feels about that."

Hunith's words hung between them, and Arthur hoped it could be that simple. He wished that he could be continuing his stupid argument with Merlin about why Arthur's not allowed at the follow–ups and when Merlin gets pumped up with meds. They'd been going back and forth about it for weeks with Arthur coming up with more and more obscure reasons that he should be allowed to go.

When he didn't say anything, Hunith asked, "Arthur?"

"No. That's, uh, not why I called." Arthur's voice broke slightly.

Hunith's breath hitched on the other end. "What is it?"

"Merlin passed out during gym class. Morgana and Gwen are bringing him to the office right now." Arthur could see them up ahead, but he stayed back while he talked to Hunith. "His…" Arthur needed a moment. As scared as he was, Hunith was Merlin's mother. He could only imagine how hard this would be for her, and he hated to be the bearer of bad news. "His rash is back."

"I'm on my way. I'll call Gaius from the car."

"Hurry," Arthur whispered. He hesitated a moment before he said, "call my mom." He hung up without waiting for an answer. His mom would be told eventually. Right now, Hunith was probably in a frantic rush.

Arthur went and took Gwen's place. Merlin's eyes were slightly open and he looked like he was squinting. "Mer?" Arthur asked.

Merlin didn't say anything. Arthur didn't remember the office being so far but that was probably because they were moving at a snail's pace. While they walked, Arthur contemplated his odds of being able to sneak out of school when Hunith picked up Merlin.

When they got to the office, Arthur deposited Merlin into a comfy chair. "Merlin's mom is coming to pick him up," he told the secretary.

"Arthur?" she confirmed.

"Er –"

"Your mom called and said you're excused to go with Ms. Emrys. I've already signed you out for the day."

Arthur let out his breath. At least he wasn't going to get in trouble for leaving. "Thanks."

Hunith must've sped the whole way to the school because she got there five minutes later.

Arthur wordlessly helped get Merlin in the car and slid into the back next to him. He'd hoped never to have to do this again.

"Thanks for calling my mom," he whispered.

He saw Hunith glance at them in the rearview mirror. "I called the school first then called your mom. I wasn't sure I was going to have time to do both, and I knew you needed to be here. She said she'll come over when she's out of work."

Arthur didn't know what to say to that.

When they got to the hospital, a wheelchair was waiting for Merlin. "Did you miss me or something?" Henry asked.

Merlin offered the faintest smile. "He hasn't said anything since he passed out."

Henry frowned and nodded. "We're gonna get him into a holding room for now until we know what's going on. Hopefully, it's just a reaction to something." His words sounded falsely cheery as if he didn't believe them himself.

Once Merlin was in his room, he was given fluids for dehydration. Arthur sincerely hoped Mr. Aithusa would never know.

Whatever hope Arthur had of Merlin's visit being brief vanished when Gaius entered the room a few hours later. He had a grim look on his face. Hunith and Igraine cut off their whispered conversation and listened in disbelief as Gaius explained that Merlin's cancer was back.

Gaius asked Arthur and Igraine to step out for a moment, so he could discuss some things with Merlin and Huntih. Igraine went to get some coffee, but Arthur lingered by the door. He knew right away why Gaius had asked them to leave and he was 1000% sure that Merlin wouldn't have wanted him to hear what Gaius said.

He was asking Merlin about his wishes if he needed resuscitation or if he didn't respond to chemotherapy. Would he want to stay in the hospital? Be home on child hospice care? Arthur felt tears pooling in his eyes. When Hunith asked if it was really necessary to discuss this, Gaius said the words that would haunt Arthur: Every time someone comes out of remission, survival is less likely.

They'd tested Merlin's mother last time to see if she was compatible with Merlin's bone marrow. She wasn't, and it wasn't safe to use an unrelated marrow, so a bone marrow transplant wasn't possible. Every time someone comes out of remission, survival is less likely.

His body built up an immunity to the chemo treatment that had worked for him last time, so they were back to experimenting. Back to trying to find out what combination of medicine might fight off the cancerous cells. Merlin's hair would fall out, and he'd be every bit as miserable as he was last time. Every time someone comes out of remission, survival is less likely.

Finding the right combination of meds would be difficult if not impossible. His cancer would continue to spread, and relapses tended to come back with a vengeance. Every time someone comes out of remission, survival is less likely.

That didn't mean he shouldn't fight and hope. Gaius just wanted to be realistic about his chances. Arthur didn't hear a word from Merlin, but he could hear Hunith's sobs. It was an uncomfortably familiar sound. Every time someone comes out of remission, survival is less likely.

Merlin was moved to an empty room in the cancer ward that night. He didn't have a roommate, and it looked far less lived in than his other one. Arthur didn't want to think about the reason for the emptiness. Every time someone comes out of remission, survival is less likely.

With every day that passed, all Arthur could think about was the very real possibility that he was going to lose his best friend. Despite Merlin's objections, Arthur went to see him every day. Sometimes someone else came with him, but usually it was just him. He didn't know how long Merlin had, and he knew his other friends would be waiting for him at the end of this journey; a journey he prayed would end with Merlin in remission.

He wanted years and years with Merlin. He wanted to watch Merlin fall in love and get married and start a family. He wanted Merlin to be there for senior prom and graduation and college. Whatever life happened, Arthur knew it wouldn't be as good without Merlin.

You couldn't put a price on friendship, but Arthur would gladly live in shambles if it meant Merlin survived.

Arthur wished there was more he could do. Every day, he could feel Merlin slipping further and further from him. Merlin was lonely; that much was obvious. As much as he wanted a roommate, he hoped the spare bed in his room would never be filled.

Arthur encouraged Merlin to make friends, but Merlin wanted nothing to do with that. After what happened with Will, Merlin wasn't sure if he would survive another loss. Arthur wasn't sure if Merlin would survive without that companionship, so he was persistent.

Eventually, Merlin cracked and did as Arthur requested. That was how he met Freya, the fifteen–year–old cancer patient next door.