p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"~ Chapter 9: Freya ~/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin would never forget the day he met Freya. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur had been trying to convince him for weeks to leave his room and meet the other patients. Merlin was regularly wheeled to support groups and art therapy and a number of opportunities to socialize, but while his wheelchair was moved to those rooms, no one could stop him from pretending to be asleep./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin knew it was irrational, but Will's death had left a deep and significant mark on him. He was terrified that if he got to know someone, he'd lose them like he'd lost Will. If it hadn't been for Arthur, Merlin wasn't sure he would have survived losing Will. He didn't see how another loss wouldn't tear him apart./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin felt a burst of shame every time he thought about Arthur. How could he complain about watching friends die when that was exactly what he was making Arthur do? Part of Merlin just knew… this was the end for him. Gaius knew it; his nurses knew it; his mother knew it; part of him thought that maybe even Arthur knew it. Every time he heard the results of his chemo, he waited to hear the other words he knew were inevitably coming. /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"There's nothing more we can do for you./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin should put his previous deal with Arthur back in place, but he was selfish. Arthur was the only relief he had from the cancer that was slowly killing him. Even if it was cruel, Merlin loved the sense of peace and comfort he felt when Arthur was around./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was with that in mind, that Merlin weakly got out of bed, clutched his walking support tightly, and slowly made his way to the common lounge. He didn't think anyone would be there; he mostly hoped it would clear his mind and give him the chance to figure out how he could honor Arthur's wishes without setting himself up for more pain. He was wheezing by the time he got to the couch. He got up and walked around his room most days but that clearly hadn't prepared him for a longer trek./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He didn't realize he wasn't alone until someone coughed. He turned to the back, and saw a girl sitting on a beanbag chair in the corner of the lounge. She wore a thick blue cap with "F*ck Cancer" knitted in white./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin coughed to clear his throat. He wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't great at making friends. He'd always had Arthur to force him into friendship. With Will, it had been kind of inevitable when all the gross, uncomfortable, and horrifying things about cancer were on display for both of them to see./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Hello," she said with a shy smile. Merlin got the idea that she did this about as much as he did. They stood there awkwardly for a moment. "No one's usually out here this late."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I couldn't sleep."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Me neither. Are you new here? I don't remember seeing you around much."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""We must be in different groups. I tend to keep to myself outside of what I'm forced to go to."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh, you're the antisocial boy." The second her words caught up with her, she blushed. "Oh, that's not what I meant. I'm sure you're lovely. It's just… I've never met you, and all anyone ever says about you is that you don't talk. My roommate went into remission weeks ago, and I hate being alone. Though, it's okay if you like being alone. I didn't mean to call you antisocial."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin thought he should have been insulted, but mostly he found it very funny. "It's alright. I would probably call me antisocial too."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"She stood up and sat at the other end of the couch. Merlin was almost jealous at how easily she moved. "You don't seem… don't take this the wrong way. You don't seem that sick."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I'm on an experimental treatment. My leukemia isn't responding to chemo, so we're giving it a shot. It's still pretty nasty, but it doesn't make me as tired as the chemo did."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." Merlin knew he should have left right then and there. She had pretty much told him she was going to die, but he couldn't make himself move. "I'm Merlin."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Freya." She reached over and extended her hand. Merlin shook it and felt like a bolt of lightning had struck him. He knew he was blushing and looked away in the hopes she wouldn't be able to see./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"To Merlin's surprise, it was very easy to talk to Freya. He felt like she understood him in a way no one else could. Freya's cancer had metastasized before they found it, so her odds hadn't been great from the start, but she was going into this with more optimism than Merlin had ever felt in his life./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Morning found them asleep on that couch with Freya's head resting on Merlin's shoulder and Merlin's head resting on Freya's head. The nurses oohed and ahed, and in the end, decided to let them sleep just a little bit longer./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"When they woke up, Freya jumped up to her feet. Merlin instinctively tried to do the same, but he fell back against the couch./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Sorry." Their voices chimed in unison./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""No, it was my fault," they responded at the same time./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""No –" They cut themselves off with a laugh./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I should probably get back to my room… take my medicine." Merlin didn't think he was imagining that Freya really didn't want to leave./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Me too." He didn't want this to end; he had the strangest desire to spend more time with her. He thought it might've been her passion for life. He could have used some of that. "Would you, er, would you want to do this again? No pressure, but I had a lot of fun last night."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I'd really like that." Freya's smile filled him with hope and joy. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"That was how it happened. Almost every night, Merlin and Freya would meet outside and talk. They got closer and closer. They were careful though. They always made sure to go back to their rooms if they got too tired./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"They even tried to keep some distance, but several weeks after their first encounter, that went out the window when they were watching a horror movie. The first time there was a jump–scare, Freya got close to Merlin and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her. With every scare after that, their inhibitions went down a little more as they cuddled together. Merlin didn't find the movie particularly good or scary, courtesy of growing up with Arthur's idea of scary – now /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"those /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"were scary. Despite how anticlimactic and predictable he found the movie, the contact with Freya made this the best movie he'd ever seen./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"When the movie ended, Freya was crying. Merlin had to admit the ending was particularly sad. He'd almost gotten choked up at how it played out, and he'd predicted that last death five minutes into the movie. "Hey," he said softly. "It's alright. It's just a movie."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Freya hid her head in Merlin's chest. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm letting it get to me so much."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He tilted her head. "It's really okay. That ending was tragic."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I'm glad you were here with me." It wasn't until he felt Freya's breath on his cheek that he realized how close they were sitting./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He moved on autopilot as he brought his hand up to her cheek. She brought his hand up to hers and let her eyes flutter closed. She was the most beautiful girl Merlin had ever known. He closed the small gap between them and kissed her. He'd never kissed anyone before, and it was so much more than he thought it would be./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was like a spark ignited in him. That was terrifying, so Merlin immediately pulled back. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry. I shouldn't have done that" He clutched the bars of his walker tightly and pulled himself to his feet. It took so much effort and so much time, but he needed to get out of there. "I'm sorry."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin tried to put a smile on his face the next day. He thought he mostly had the nurses convinced, but Arthur knew approximately five seconds after he got there that something was wrong./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur's mind immediately went to a setback with Merlin's cancer. "Mer, what's wrong?" He tried not to sound anxious, and if Merlin wasn't so preoccupied, it probably would have been obvious./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin looked at him hesitantly before he shrugged. "Nothing," he muttered./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Nuh uh. We don't lie to each other. Spill."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin sighed. He supposed if anyone could help him with girl problems, it was Arthur. He was the only one of the two who had actually had a girlfriend. "Do you remember Freya?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur knew Freya; he'd met her a few times and liked her simply because it was so obvious that Merlin liked her a lot. "Uh huh. The girl you're falling for?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin blushed deeply. "I'm not… I don't… how did…"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""If you're gonna hide a crush from me, you should probably work on not gushing when you talk about her."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I do not gush," Merlin protested./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Uh huh. So what's going on with Freya? Did you find out she has a boyfriend or something?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin found himself blushing again. "I kinda, sorta… kissed her last night?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur stared at Merlin as if he'd spontaneously grown two heads. "You… you kissed her?" Merlin nodded. "No, that's not possible. Because then my best friend would have had to stop overthinking every thought that pops into his head and stop being a wimp for a few minutes."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin chuckled before his expression darkened. "I never should have done it. Freya was such a great friend. I ruined everything."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What do you mean? She clearly likes you." Arthur had picked up on it, so he'd assumed Merlin had noticed it too./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Why would she like me? I mean, look at me. I'm scrawny and bald and ugly." Merlin covered his face with his pillow. "She probably never wants to see me again."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Merlin Emrys!" Arthur waited until Merlin withdrew the pillow. "You may be scrawny and bald, but you are not ugly. I'll admit you're not as rugged or handsome as I am, but no one can be as handsome as me. And maybe it's not your looks she's into, dummy. Your personality isn't totally repulsive, you know."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"When Merlin didn't say anything, Arthur asked, "did she say anything to you? Afterward?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin shook his head. "I kinda… ran away." His reaction had seemed so valid earlier, but now it felt silly and childish./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur shook his head. "Merlin, Merlin, Merlin." His mock disappointment filled his voice. "I'm sure Freya likes you. Just go talk to her!"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I can't! She probably hates me and thinks I'm the world's biggest idiot."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well she's got that part right," Arthur muttered./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin threw his pillow at Arthur. "I heard that."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur shrugged. He sat on the spare bed and stared at the wall for a minute before he got up and left Merlin's room. Merlin stared after him. Where was he going?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Excuse me. Can I kidnap you?" Arthur's voice drifted through Merlin's open door. It only added to his confusion. Who was he kidnapping?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The answer was obvious, Merlin realized. When Arthur came back, escorting no other than Freya, Merlin knew he should have realized what Arthur was doing. If he had, he could've hid in the bathroom or something./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin shot Arthur an incredulous look, but Arthur either didn't notice or was choosing not to acknowledge it. Merlin wasn't going to stand for that. "Arthur?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Talk." With that Arthur turned on his heels and walked out./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin didn't look at Freya. He was so embarrassed and a little bit angry at Arthur and a lot a bit angry at himself. "Look, I'm sorry about last night."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"When he glanced up, Freya was staring at the wall like she hoped she'd be able to make it collapse with her mind. "Strange person your friend is. He walks into my room and asks me if I care if he kidnaps me, then he starts telling me about how I have to tell you the kiss last night was okay, and then when you ask me to be your girlfriend I have to say yes. And then, if I hurt you, he'll personally make me regret it."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You don't have to do that Freya." Merlin was almost more embarrassed by Arthur than he was about the kiss. "I know it was a mistake. I'm sorry."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What if I'm not?" Freya's voice was harsh, and she turned to look at Merlin for the first time. "Did you even consider my feelings Merlin?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin stared at her in shock. "I figured that you couldn't possibly like me. I mean, look at me. I'm bald, and you can see how weird the shape of my head is. I look like a skeleton with skin. It's awful." He motioned to himself as if she'd maybe missed that./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Merlin." His name sounded like a prayer coming from her mouth. She let out a small, watery chuckle, and Merlin felt his bed bend slightly as she took a seat next to him. "I am all of those things too. I'm bald, and a skeleton, and why the heck do you think you've never seen me without a hat on? I'm so much uglier than you are."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""No you're not. You're beautiful."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You really think that?" Her tears from earlier clung to her eyelashes making them look like they were glittering. It was breathtaking./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin nodded. "You're one of the most… no, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met." He gently took her hand and didn't break the eye contact. Freya couldn't doubt his words; he spoke with so much sincerity./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"This time, Freya was the one to close the gap between them. When she snaked her hand into his hair, Merlin thought he was going to explode. This kiss was so different from the short peck they'd shared after a scary movie. Merlin couldn't handle it for too long; he broke the kiss to take deep breaths in and cursed how frail he was./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wow," Freya whispered./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wow," he agreed./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Freya squeezed his hand. This was perfection./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"After that, Merlin and Freya were almost inseparable. The only time they were apart were for Merlin's treatments, or occasionally, when Arthur came over. For the most part, Freya hung out with Merlin when Arthur was over, but she seemed to have a sixth sense and knew when the boys needed to talk alone. There were also times when Arthur would bring Gwen along. Merlin could see that Arthur was head over heels in love with Gwen, but Arthur refused to acknowledge his own feelings./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Then, four months later, when Merlin was knee deep in work so he would be caught up with his classmates if he ever got out of the hospital, he got the worst news. Freya's heart had stopped; they'd resuscitated her, and she was moved to the sterile sick room, but her heart was very weak./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The first thing Merlin did was call Arthur. He didn't even speak, and somehow, Arthur knew he needed him. Merlin had gotten sick once during his first hospital stay, and it had been the worst five days of his life. The only people allowed in to see him had been his doctors, and on one occasion, his mother. If he turned his head, he knew he would have seen Arthur and Igraine at the window, but he didn't have the energy to do it. That had been with a simple cold. Merlin hadn't been told what caused Freya's heart to stop, but he had a feeling it was bad./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur was at the hospital within ten minutes of Merlin's phone call, and he was still there a little over an hour later when Merlin was told Freya didn't make it./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur point blank refused to leave Merlin's side. Merlin threw stuff and screamed and told Arthur to leave him alone, and Arthur took it all without complaint./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur knew how Merlin had felt about Freya; he knew this was going to be hard on him. Arthur himself had come to regard Freya as a friend, and he was fighting tears to look strong for Merlin./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I loved her Arthur," Merlin sobbed late at night when he knew the nurses would be far enough away not to hear him. "I told her it. Just a few days ago… and she said it back. And we… we did something."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur stared at him shocked. "By something…" he trailed off. He was fairly sure he knew what 'it' meant. He stared at little, innocent Merlin who apparently wasn't so innocent. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Not, like, all the way. I don't have the energy to do that with the chemo, but yeah. We did something." Arthur didn't even want to know how they managed to evade the hospital staff. "I can't believe she's gone."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur was surprised that Merlin's sob didn't tear him apart. He wrapped his arms around Merlin's petite frame, hoping that would be enough to help Merlin pull himself back together. This was a thousand times worse than when Merlin had lost Will./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin had just lost his first love./spanspan id="docs-internal-guid-11ef3fe2-7fff-0463-d227-7794f9423f78"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin would never forget the day he met Freya. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur had been trying to convince him for weeks to leave his room and meet the other patients. Merlin was regularly wheeled to support groups and art therapy and a number of opportunities to socialize, but while his wheelchair was moved to those rooms, no one could stop him from pretending to be asleep./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin knew it was irrational, but Will's death had left a deep and significant mark on him. He was terrified that if he got to know someone, he'd lose them like he'd lost Will. If it hadn't been for Arthur, Merlin wasn't sure he would have survived losing Will. He didn't see how another loss wouldn't tear him apart./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin felt a burst of shame every time he thought about Arthur. How could he complain about watching friends die when that was exactly what he was making Arthur do? Part of Merlin just knew… this was the end for him. Gaius knew it; his nurses knew it; his mother knew it; part of him thought that maybe even Arthur knew it. Every time he heard the results of his chemo, he waited to hear the other words he knew were inevitably coming. /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"There's nothing more we can do for you./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin should put his previous deal with Arthur back in place, but he was selfish. Arthur was the only relief he had from the cancer that was slowly killing him. Even if it was cruel, Merlin loved the sense of peace and comfort he felt when Arthur was around./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was with that in mind, that Merlin weakly got out of bed, clutched his walking support tightly, and slowly made his way to the common lounge. He didn't think anyone would be there; he mostly hoped it would clear his mind and give him the chance to figure out how he could honor Arthur's wishes without setting himself up for more pain. He was wheezing by the time he got to the couch. He got up and walked around his room most days but that clearly hadn't prepared him for a longer trek./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He didn't realize he wasn't alone until someone coughed. He turned to the back, and saw a girl sitting on a beanbag chair in the corner of the lounge. She wore a thick blue cap with "F*ck Cancer" knitted in white./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin coughed to clear his throat. He wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't great at making friends. He'd always had Arthur to force him into friendship. With Will, it had been kind of inevitable when all the gross, uncomfortable, and horrifying things about cancer were on display for both of them to see./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Hello," she said with a shy smile. Merlin got the idea that she did this about as much as he did. They stood there awkwardly for a moment. "No one's usually out here this late."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I couldn't sleep."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Me neither. Are you new here? I don't remember seeing you around much."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""We must be in different groups. I tend to keep to myself outside of what I'm forced to go to."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh, you're the antisocial boy." The second her words caught up with her, she blushed. "Oh, that's not what I meant. I'm sure you're lovely. It's just… I've never met you, and all anyone ever says about you is that you don't talk. My roommate went into remission weeks ago, and I hate being alone. Though, it's okay if you like being alone. I didn't mean to call you antisocial."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin thought he should have been insulted, but mostly he found it very funny. "It's alright. I would probably call me antisocial too."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"She stood up and sat at the other end of the couch. Merlin was almost jealous at how easily she moved. "You don't seem… don't take this the wrong way. You don't seem that sick."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I'm on an experimental treatment. My leukemia isn't responding to chemo, so we're giving it a shot. It's still pretty nasty, but it doesn't make me as tired as the chemo did."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." Merlin knew he should have left right then and there. She had pretty much told him she was going to die, but he couldn't make himself move. "I'm Merlin."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Freya." She reached over and extended her hand. Merlin shook it and felt like a bolt of lightning had struck him. He knew he was blushing and looked away in the hopes she wouldn't be able to see./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"To Merlin's surprise, it was very easy to talk to Freya. He felt like she understood him in a way no one else could. Freya's cancer had metastasized before they found it, so her odds hadn't been great from the start, but she was going into this with more optimism than Merlin had ever felt in his life./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Morning found them asleep on that couch with Freya's head resting on Merlin's shoulder and Merlin's head resting on Freya's head. The nurses oohed and ahed, and in the end, decided to let them sleep just a little bit longer./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"When they woke up, Freya jumped up to her feet. Merlin instinctively tried to do the same, but he fell back against the couch./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Sorry." Their voices chimed in unison./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""No, it was my fault," they responded at the same time./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""No –" They cut themselves off with a laugh./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I should probably get back to my room… take my medicine." Merlin didn't think he was imagining that Freya really didn't want to leave./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Me too." He didn't want this to end; he had the strangest desire to spend more time with her. He thought it might've been her passion for life. He could have used some of that. "Would you, er, would you want to do this again? No pressure, but I had a lot of fun last night."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I'd really like that." Freya's smile filled him with hope and joy. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"That was how it happened. Almost every night, Merlin and Freya would meet outside and talk. They got closer and closer. They were careful though. They always made sure to go back to their rooms if they got too tired./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"They even tried to keep some distance, but several weeks after their first encounter, that went out the window when they were watching a horror movie. The first time there was a jump–scare, Freya got close to Merlin and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her. With every scare after that, their inhibitions went down a little more as they cuddled together. Merlin didn't find the movie particularly good or scary, courtesy of growing up with Arthur's idea of scary – now /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"those /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"were scary. Despite how anticlimactic and predictable he found the movie, the contact with Freya made this the best movie he'd ever seen./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"When the movie ended, Freya was crying. Merlin had to admit the ending was particularly sad. He'd almost gotten choked up at how it played out, and he'd predicted that last death five minutes into the movie. "Hey," he said softly. "It's alright. It's just a movie."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Freya hid her head in Merlin's chest. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm letting it get to me so much."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He tilted her head. "It's really okay. That ending was tragic."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I'm glad you were here with me." It wasn't until he felt Freya's breath on his cheek that he realized how close they were sitting./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"He moved on autopilot as he brought his hand up to her cheek. She brought his hand up to hers and let her eyes flutter closed. She was the most beautiful girl Merlin had ever known. He closed the small gap between them and kissed her. He'd never kissed anyone before, and it was so much more than he thought it would be./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"It was like a spark ignited in him. That was terrifying, so Merlin immediately pulled back. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry. I shouldn't have done that" He clutched the bars of his walker tightly and pulled himself to his feet. It took so much effort and so much time, but he needed to get out of there. "I'm sorry."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin tried to put a smile on his face the next day. He thought he mostly had the nurses convinced, but Arthur knew approximately five seconds after he got there that something was wrong./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur's mind immediately went to a setback with Merlin's cancer. "Mer, what's wrong?" He tried not to sound anxious, and if Merlin wasn't so preoccupied, it probably would have been obvious./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin looked at him hesitantly before he shrugged. "Nothing," he muttered./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Nuh uh. We don't lie to each other. Spill."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin sighed. He supposed if anyone could help him with girl problems, it was Arthur. He was the only one of the two who had actually had a girlfriend. "Do you remember Freya?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur knew Freya; he'd met her a few times and liked her simply because it was so obvious that Merlin liked her a lot. "Uh huh. The girl you're falling for?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin blushed deeply. "I'm not… I don't… how did…"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""If you're gonna hide a crush from me, you should probably work on not gushing when you talk about her."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I do not gush," Merlin protested./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Uh huh. So what's going on with Freya? Did you find out she has a boyfriend or something?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin found himself blushing again. "I kinda, sorta… kissed her last night?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur stared at Merlin as if he'd spontaneously grown two heads. "You… you kissed her?" Merlin nodded. "No, that's not possible. Because then my best friend would have had to stop overthinking every thought that pops into his head and stop being a wimp for a few minutes."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin chuckled before his expression darkened. "I never should have done it. Freya was such a great friend. I ruined everything."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What do you mean? She clearly likes you." Arthur had picked up on it, so he'd assumed Merlin had noticed it too./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Why would she like me? I mean, look at me. I'm scrawny and bald and ugly." Merlin covered his face with his pillow. "She probably never wants to see me again."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Merlin Emrys!" Arthur waited until Merlin withdrew the pillow. "You may be scrawny and bald, but you are not ugly. I'll admit you're not as rugged or handsome as I am, but no one can be as handsome as me. And maybe it's not your looks she's into, dummy. Your personality isn't totally repulsive, you know."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"When Merlin didn't say anything, Arthur asked, "did she say anything to you? Afterward?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin shook his head. "I kinda… ran away." His reaction had seemed so valid earlier, but now it felt silly and childish./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur shook his head. "Merlin, Merlin, Merlin." His mock disappointment filled his voice. "I'm sure Freya likes you. Just go talk to her!"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I can't! She probably hates me and thinks I'm the world's biggest idiot."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well she's got that part right," Arthur muttered./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin threw his pillow at Arthur. "I heard that."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur shrugged. He sat on the spare bed and stared at the wall for a minute before he got up and left Merlin's room. Merlin stared after him. Where was he going?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Excuse me. Can I kidnap you?" Arthur's voice drifted through Merlin's open door. It only added to his confusion. Who was he kidnapping?/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The answer was obvious, Merlin realized. When Arthur came back, escorting no other than Freya, Merlin knew he should have realized what Arthur was doing. If he had, he could've hid in the bathroom or something./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin shot Arthur an incredulous look, but Arthur either didn't notice or was choosing not to acknowledge it. Merlin wasn't going to stand for that. "Arthur?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Talk." With that Arthur turned on his heels and walked out./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin didn't look at Freya. He was so embarrassed and a little bit angry at Arthur and a lot a bit angry at himself. "Look, I'm sorry about last night."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"When he glanced up, Freya was staring at the wall like she hoped she'd be able to make it collapse with her mind. "Strange person your friend is. He walks into my room and asks me if I care if he kidnaps me, then he starts telling me about how I have to tell you the kiss last night was okay, and then when you ask me to be your girlfriend I have to say yes. And then, if I hurt you, he'll personally make me regret it."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You don't have to do that Freya." Merlin was almost more embarrassed by Arthur than he was about the kiss. "I know it was a mistake. I'm sorry."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""What if I'm not?" Freya's voice was harsh, and she turned to look at Merlin for the first time. "Did you even consider my feelings Merlin?"/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin stared at her in shock. "I figured that you couldn't possibly like me. I mean, look at me. I'm bald, and you can see how weird the shape of my head is. I look like a skeleton with skin. It's awful." He motioned to himself as if she'd maybe missed that./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Merlin." His name sounded like a prayer coming from her mouth. She let out a small, watery chuckle, and Merlin felt his bed bend slightly as she took a seat next to him. "I am all of those things too. I'm bald, and a skeleton, and why the heck do you think you've never seen me without a hat on? I'm so much uglier than you are."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""No you're not. You're beautiful."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""You really think that?" Her tears from earlier clung to her eyelashes making them look like they were glittering. It was breathtaking./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin nodded. "You're one of the most… no, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met." He gently took her hand and didn't break the eye contact. Freya couldn't doubt his words; he spoke with so much sincerity./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"This time, Freya was the one to close the gap between them. When she snaked her hand into his hair, Merlin thought he was going to explode. This kiss was so different from the short peck they'd shared after a scary movie. Merlin couldn't handle it for too long; he broke the kiss to take deep breaths in and cursed how frail he was./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wow," Freya whispered./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Wow," he agreed./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Freya squeezed his hand. This was perfection./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"After that, Merlin and Freya were almost inseparable. The only time they were apart were for Merlin's treatments, or occasionally, when Arthur came over. For the most part, Freya hung out with Merlin when Arthur was over, but she seemed to have a sixth sense and knew when the boys needed to talk alone. There were also times when Arthur would bring Gwen along. Merlin could see that Arthur was head over heels in love with Gwen, but Arthur refused to acknowledge his own feelings./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Then, four months later, when Merlin was knee deep in work so he would be caught up with his classmates if he ever got out of the hospital, he got the worst news. Freya's heart had stopped; they'd resuscitated her, and she was moved to the sterile sick room, but her heart was very weak./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The first thing Merlin did was call Arthur. He didn't even speak, and somehow, Arthur knew he needed him. Merlin had gotten sick once during his first hospital stay, and it had been the worst five days of his life. The only people allowed in to see him had been his doctors, and on one occasion, his mother. If he turned his head, he knew he would have seen Arthur and Igraine at the window, but he didn't have the energy to do it. That had been with a simple cold. Merlin hadn't been told what caused Freya's heart to stop, but he had a feeling it was bad./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur was at the hospital within ten minutes of Merlin's phone call, and he was still there a little over an hour later when Merlin was told Freya didn't make it./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur point blank refused to leave Merlin's side. Merlin threw stuff and screamed and told Arthur to leave him alone, and Arthur took it all without complaint./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur knew how Merlin had felt about Freya; he knew this was going to be hard on him. Arthur himself had come to regard Freya as a friend, and he was fighting tears to look strong for Merlin./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""I loved her Arthur," Merlin sobbed late at night when he knew the nurses would be far enough away not to hear him. "I told her it. Just a few days ago… and she said it back. And we… we did something."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur stared at him shocked. "By something…" he trailed off. He was fairly sure he knew what 'it' meant. He stared at little, innocent Merlin who apparently wasn't so innocent. /span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Not, like, all the way. I don't have the energy to do that with the chemo, but yeah. We did something." Arthur didn't even want to know how they managed to evade the hospital staff. "I can't believe she's gone."/span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Arthur was surprised that Merlin's sob didn't tear him apart. He wrapped his arms around Merlin's petite frame, hoping that would be enough to help Merlin pull himself back together. This was a thousand times worse than when Merlin had lost Will./span/p
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 12pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Merlin had just lost his first love./spanspan id="docs-internal-guid-11ef3fe2-7fff-0463-d227-7794f9423f78"/span/p