"Hannibal, why are you so anxious to find this man?"
Heyes and Santana were sitting on the leader's porch. It was a late fall night, crisp but not cold, starry sky and gentle breeze. The gang was in the bunk house celebrating the very successful last job; so successful that they would be out of action till at least the beginning of the new year. Supplies in abundance, take share enough to enjoy even a little over-indulgence, but truth told just the safety of a few months refuge at the Hole. No planning, no worry about that plan going bad, no posse, no danger of anyone getting hurt.
Why am I so anxious to find Jed? Though I like Jim, and I'm grateful for his trust in me and my abilities (which in fact benefit him) I am not about to go into detail with Santana. He does not need to know my story.
"He's my cousin, we had a falling out. I'd like to make it good."
"Has he tried to find you?"
Probably not. "How would I know…. we don't leave our calling card, do we? With a smile to cushion the sarcasm.
"So, how do you plan on tracking him down?"
"Heard some stuff about a young guy – good with a gun. Sounds like it might be him so I'd like to see if I can find him. You don't need me sitting around doing nothing. Thought I'd give it a shot while we are not planning anything. It will work or it won't but I will have tried." Didn't add that I had heard that this young guy was in a small town about a three days ride away.
"All right Hannibal, take your time to look for him. However, don't think that if you find him, he will become part of this gang. Those decisions are mine alone and I'm not sure I would want someone riding with me worried about someone other than me.
I'll deal with that when and if I have too. "Understood – I don't have a reason to think he would want to join a gang so that may not even come up."
"Ah, and could he persuade you to leave this wonderful situation you now enjoy Hannibal?"
I'll admit, Jim insisting on calling me Hannibal when he knows I hate the name has always annoyed me. Felt it was kind of his message that he's in charge.
"I'm aware of the wonderful opportunity I have here – no need to worry about that."
"Well good hunting, my friend. I hope you find your cousin and settle this itch you have."
##################################################################
"Please let me pass, I need to catch the train to San Francisco." A young mother with two children around, 7 and 9 years old, was confronted by a nasty looking man.
"There is always another train, Missy. You look like someone I'd like to get to know better."
"Please, I need to get my children to my mother and get the train. My sister is about to have a child and I've promised I'd be there with her."
"Oh, don't worry, Missy. Babies come on their own all the time. She'll be fine. Send the kiddies along, someone will help them."
"I am not sending my children along alone – please let me pass"
She anxiously looked around to see if someone would step in, knowing in her heart there would be nobody. They were in the middle of town, on the road that would lead to the station. It was Breakes in front of her; though she had seen his bullying from afar, this was the first time she was the target. The up-close experience was not pleasant. He was obnoxious, threatening and needed a bath.
"Don't see a reason to do that" he said with a leering smile.
"I see a reason."
Jed had found some work in Yorktown, working at the livery. He had been on his own for about two years. The split from Han had been painful but he felt it had to be. He could not always be the little cousin, counting on the big cousin to take care of him. More importantly he could not count on Han being able to see him as an equal until he could prove that he was. Jacobs was a good boss. Livery work, while sometimes nasty, satisfied Jed, making sure that horses were taken care of was important to him. The past two years had been hard. He had left Han because, in his heart, he felt he was a burden. The frequent arguments were painful. Han was rapidly becoming a man; he was seen as a kid. Han needed to live his life without the burden of a young cousin. He decided to leave. It was lonely and sometimes hard to be alone but he had grown in these two years and had perfected a skill. He could fast draw. Not sure how profitable that was in terms of making a living and he had found that folks misinterpreted the gun tied to his leg. So, here he was about to turn 18 and about to again face someone who apparently wanted to challenge him.
"Ah, and you are?"
"Someone who wants to see this lady get to where she needs to be and get her children to their grandmother."
"You don't look that much older than these brats she is coddling. What's your stake here?"
"I don't have a stake. I just want to see this lady get to her train and get her kids to their grandmother. What's your problem with that?"
"My problem is that I have some business with Mama – unless you want to deal with that?"
"She doesn't seem to have business with you and she needs to get to her train."
"Well, I guess we need to settle this now."
Sigh
I went into mode. Unstrapped my holster. Hovered over the gun while I waited for his move. Looked him square in the eye, waiting for the sign that he was reaching for his gun.
Bang!
The shot - his wrist _.the gun was dropped, he looked at me with disbelief and then with anger.
"Let's go Miss, don't want you to miss your train."
"Oh my! Thank you, I'm Georgia Hazleton, these are my children, Jacob and Sarah. Thank you so much!"
"No problem, Ma'am."
"You are cutting it close Georgia! The train is almost about to pull out!"
"I know Ma. I'm sorry – I'll let this gentleman explain what happened. Need to get on the train. Give me a kiss good bye my little ones. Listen to grandma! Give me a kiss!
First impression – seems like a nice town – small, general store, livery, kinda small looking hotel, café, church, maybe a school – hard to tell. It's the closest town to where I last heard the "faster than I've ever seen" gunslinger was. Gunslinger? Has he changed that much? Gunslingers I've known and seen don't seem to have a soul. He's is the gentlest soul I've ever known. Hard to picture Jed in that role. On the other hand, would he believe I was running with a gang? Sigh…will finding him be worse than not knowing where he is? Might as well start with the saloon. Battered Mug was the sign hanging from the roof.
"Beer please."
"Can you pay for a beer?"
"Ah a practical man. I like that. Yes, I can pay for a beer, maybe two."
Waited till I put the money on the bar before he poured; very practical man.
"How's the hotel? Gonna need a room for at least two nights."
"Small, but clean and reasonable. Run by a couple who take pride in it. You got business in town?"
"Looking for an old friend. We were together at school. He's about 2 years younger than me so around 18 or 19. Heard he may be around these parts. Blonde, blue eyed, about my height, weight, well maybe a few pounds more. Always liked to eat!"
"Except for the age, could be the new kid over at the livery…
"Could be him! Always kinda had a baby face. Know where I can find him?"
"Right now, over at Mrs. Carlin's house. Got beat up two days ago. Report is that he's in pretty bad shape. Sorry if he's your friend."
Gut wrench…beat up – bad shape.
"Well, he's an old friend but I don't want to get caught up in something causing trouble. Why did he get beat up?"
"Tell you the truth, we have a problem in this town. The Breakes…feel like they own it and no one will step up to them. Have a place about 3 miles from here. Come into town when they feel like it and do what they feel like doing. Come in and bully. Two days ago, Marvin was stopping Mrs. Carlin's daughter from passing the road to get to the train station. She had her two children with her, on her way to board the train to San Francisco – wouldn't let them pass. If the boy is your friend, he is the one who stepped up and forced Marvin to let them pass. Marvin set up to challenge him; your friend set up too. They drew – his shot took the gun right out of Marvin's hands, he picked up Sarah, took Jacob's hand and lead Georgia to the train station."
Jed, Jed, Jed – you don't have to save everyone, just because… how many times have I told you that.
"Marvin and his brothers came back into town. Jumped him as he came out of the café. Beat him pretty bad, and left him in the alley overnight. Bad storm came in so he was cold and wet too. Jacobs, the livery owner, found him in the morning. He knew that this was the guy had helped Mrs. Carlin's daughter – everyone in town had heard about it - so he let her know what had happened. She told Jacobs to bring him to her house and to get the Doc over there. That's what I know.
"Okay, where is Mrs. Carlin's place. Guess I need to make sure it's not him."
"Can't miss it. Big place about mile south of town. Bernie Carlin was a hardworking, good man. Made a lot of money supplying the ranchers with supplies, always a fair price. He was mayor for a good amount of time. Would be made as hell about the town today. No one able to stand up to those no good…...and yes, I include myself in that list of cowards." The slap of towel on the bar surface was evidence of the frustration the man felt.
"Not sure you should be so hard on yourself. If these guys are as bad as you say, I'd stay clear."
"Hum. Anyway, you can be sure that Gracie is doing whatever she can for this boy. Not sure what's better for you – to wish it's the friend you're looking for or not…."
"Yea, I'm not sure either."
##################################################################
"Well, James, what's the verdict?"
Dr. Stevens slowly began folding his stethoscope and putting into his bag.
"A lot of bruising, a least two badly bruised ribs, I'd say. Can't tell yet if the ankle is bruised or broken – will need for some of that swelling to go down to be sure. Try and keep cold cloths on it. My main worry is that cough. He has a fever, not too bad but I expect it will get progressively worse and his lungs are congested. That will be the harder fight, I'm afraid."
"Ok, we'll get ready for a fight. There's a family somewhere wanting to know where this boy is and that he'll be coming back to them. "
"Or he's a drifter with no one really caring."
"He doesn't look like a drifter to me, he's barely old enough to be called a man if appearances count and even if he is a drifter, I care about what happens to him. He was the only one in town who looked out for Georgia and my grandbabies. We're gonna fight, aren't we young man?"
The reaction from the battered form lying on the bed was a wracking cough.
##################################################################
Sam was right – we had progressed to first name basis - the Carlin house was a large, well-kept house but not so grand that it was out of place. I liked that – it seemed like a home not just a house. The garden was well kept. What looked to be two apple trees stood behind the home. To the right was a barn. I could hear the soft mooing of milk cows. Also heard, but didn't see the clicking of hens, so there was a coop somewhere behind the house. The stable was to the left and attached was a small corral. Seemed as if it would be a nice place to grow up. I knew that Mrs. Carlin had a least one daughter; I wondered if there were any sons. I also knew I was delaying the knock on the door, afraid that I would find Jed and also afraid I wouldn't. The first would mean the worry of how badly he was hurt; the second would mean I hadn't found my cousin.
Knock…..Knock…
The door slowly opened and a little red-headed, blue-eyed child looked up at me with no fear.
"Howdy, Miss…is your grandmother here?"
"Who are…"
"Sarah Elizabeth Hazleton! How many times do I have to tell you to get me when there is someone at the door?!"
"Sorry Mam-Mam."
"Excuse this child, my friend. I have tried and tried to but to no end."
I smiled. This was a child after my own heart.
"Mrs. Carlin, Sam from the Battered Mug sent me. I'm Hannibal Heyes and…"
"Hannibal!" Are you Han?"
"Well yes, Ma'am. I've been called Han…"
"You must be the one he keeps calling for. Come in, come in. He is so agitated and calls out for Han. I hope knowing you're here will help him."
She led me into a medium sized bedroom and there he was – his face covered with bruises, his left ankle was exposed and swollen 3 times normal size. Worst of all was the cough. I've heard that cough too many times, at home, in the home, and on our own – and this sounded the worst of all – as if his lungs were being cut from his chest.
"He is your friend?"
"He's my cousin, Ma'am."
"Not Ma'am, Gracie or better Mam-Mam, that's what everyone calls me. I know he doesn't look good but it's been two days and trust me he looks better than he did when I first saw him. I believe he is fighting. He hasn't opened his eyes, moans with pain, and that horrible cough but I believe he is fighting. Go to him, let him know you're here."
##################################################################
"Jed, Jed, can you hear me?"
No response, just more moaning and then coughing.
"Jed, come on, open your eyes, please, open your eyes"
I felt his forehead, it was warm, not too hot but definitely a fever.
"Han, just talk to him, keep talking."
"Jed, I'm here, open your eyes, I need to know how you're doing, please Jed open your eyes."
I was starting to despair, it did not seem as if he was hearing me, would never open his eyes, and then…
"Ha…."
"Jed, it's me, Han, open your eyes."
"Han, Han…"
"Hey, welcome back." I smiled my relief at seeing him open his eyes.
"Han…" and then he reached out his hand to me, I grabbed it. He squeezed my hand and fell back into unconsciousness.
##################################################################
The next few days were rough. The fever grew, the cough worsened. The fevered dreams were hard to witness and hear. One so very painful. He was tossing, turning, coughing and moaning…I was trying to wipe his forehead and calm him down.
"I should've taken it…I should've …she would've expected me to and I didn't. I should've…. I'm sorry Ma, I'm sorry."
Then he broke down into sobs as he tossed and turned.
"Jed, Jed, what are you talking about? What did your Ma want you to do? Can you hear me? What did she want you to do?"
Glassy eyes opened and looked at me.
"Her medal Han, I should have taken her medal."
God! Her medal!.
Gramma Curry gave my Ma and my aunt the Blessed Mother medals on their wedding days. It was a tradition in the Curry family and she brought the medals with her when the family left Ireland. A medal to give her daughter and a medal to give her daughter-in-law when the time for a wedding came. I close my eyes and see them both worrying the medal if someone was sick, if there was a problem with the farm, or even if they were worried about the pie not coming out good. I see Jed's little sister, Bridget, in my aunt's arms playing with the medal around her neck. I see My Ma fingering the medal as she said her rosary.. I see, my Ma laying….no…
"It's okay, Jed, it's okay, I took care of it."
"I should have took care of it."
He had calmed down a little but he sounded so sad.
##################################################################
Jed would wake for a few minutes look for me and reach out his hand; as soon as I took his he would fall back into an unsettled sleep. But slowly, he began to improve. He was awake and alert for longer periods of time; his coughing was not as violent, the ankle swelling resolved and it was not broken but badly sprained. Doc Stevens was pleased with the progress and told us to start adding broth and soft food to the menu as long as Jed could tolerate it.
"Good morning, Jed! How are you doing today?"
"Better, ma'am. Thanks."
"Ma'am? I thought we agreed it's Mam-Mam. Han doesn't have a problem with that my love, you shouldn't either."
"Han is better at that kind of stuff than I am."
Ummn. He said that with such a sense of sadness.
"Are you hungry?
"Maybe a little."
There was the beginning of a slight smile. I continue to like what I am coming to know of this young man.
"Wonderful- I have scrambled eggs- no bacon yet- I think it might be a little too soon for that."
"Eggs will be fine, ma…Mam-Mam."
Then a knock at the door. The sound of footsteps running.
"Sarah Elizabeth, what have I told you!"
"Sorry, Mam-Mam"
"Morning Mrs. Carlin…Telegraph from San Francisco."
"Thank you, Caleb, wait here."
I went to get a coin for Caleb.
"Congratulate me, Jed! I have a new grandson, Andrew!
"That's great." Bet you can't wait to meet him."
"I can't but it will be a bit of time, I'll try to be patient."
"Where's Han?"
"Han is checking on the fencing around the property. We had a fairly bad storm two days ago and I was worried that the fencing didn't hold. It's original to the property which makes it over 35 years old. Barney had it repaired on occasion but always claimed it was built to last till the millennium…that was my Barney, always the optimist…."
It has been 7 years and I rarely have the opportunity to talk about him to someone who didn't know my husband. I think he would have liked Jed and Han and would be happy I am able to help Jed heal. I also think he would see, as I am beginning to see, the need not only for the obvious physical healing and perhaps some emotional healing as well.
##################################################################
"Hi"
"Hi, Sarah, what's going on?"" Miss Sarah had abandoned Jacob and came out to check on me.
"Is the fencing, okay?" Mam-Mam was worried I think."
"There was one spot I had to reinforce but it was okay overall."
"Oh, good I hate when Mam-Man worries."
"It's fine…no need to worry."
"I have a new cousin."
"You do! Great, congratulations! What's the baby's name.?
"Andrew."
"A boy cousin! Are you happy with a boy cousin? Were you hoping for a girl?"
"Well…if it was a girl, I wouldn't be the only girl – but since it's a boy, I know how boys are, especially since they are younger. You know Jacob is younger than I am, don't you?"
"Yep, know that. What does that matter?"
"Well, if they are younger, they really don't know what to do. You need to get them to listen to you."
"You don't think boys have good ideas?"
"Well, I guess they could. Oh sorry! you're a boy but you're older.""
"Yep, I'm older…so is the reason that you're older or that you are a girl?"
"Oh. I guess it may be because I'm older, especially with Jacob but sometimes at school the teacher takes the boys over the girls even if we have better ideas!""
"Yea, I guess that's hard. But what about Jacob? Don't you think he could have a good idea?"
"I guess he could, but I would probably have a better one, and he'll listen to me."
This conversation with a 10-year-old is getting a little uncomfortable. Have I dismissed Jed? Did I think I always had the best idea? And even if I did, did I dismiss his attempt to contribute an idea without acknowledging it?
############################################################################
"Mr. Jed, how are you?"
Two little ones standing next to my bed. I have a very vague memory of the day I had the confrontation on their way to the train station.
"I'm good."
"Thank you for helping us and our Ma. It was kind of scary."
"Yea, scary."
"Why was that man so mean?"
"Oh Jacob, how would Mr. Jed know that?!"
Jacob looked down and shuffled his feet, kinda embarrassed I thought.
"That's okay Jacob. I was scared too; don't know why he was being so mean but he certainly wanted to scare everybody."
Jacob looked up at me and smiled – think I made a friend…
"Sarah, were you afraid?"
"Yes, I was but when you came and took over, I felt better. I was happy for my Ma and for my brother that we would be okay."
Jacob chimed in, "Yea, you were so fast with your gun! Can you teach me how to be that fast?"
I can teach this child but I won't.
"No need for you to be that fast Jacob. You see what happened to me because I was faster than that man? Fact is someone else will be faster than me, so I try to not get in the situation."
"See Jacob, you should listen to me…that's what I told you."
I looked at Jacob, he looked at me. I thought there was a meeting of minds here. He loves his sister; I love my cousin but damn it they so often….sigh…"
############################################################################
"Hey, Jed, how you doing? Glad to be outside?"
Doc Stevens had given the go ahead for Jed to get out of bed and get some air. He was sitting on the porch, in a rocker, head back, eyes closed, enjoying the sun.
"Doing good, yea, was getting tired of that room."
"Well, don't overdo it. I'm heading into town, told Mam-Man I'd pick up her supplies. If I run into a good poker game, I'll probably stay the night. Okay?"
"Never needed permission before Han – hope you find a good game."
Humm, sometimes it's hard to tell if Jed is happy that I'm here or not….
"Okay, then, more than likely I'll be seeing ya tomorrow."
Didn't tell Jed - yea, I'm picking up Mam-mam's supplies but I'm also going to try to get the story about the Breakes and their hold over the town.
"Howdy, Sam! I'll have a beer and yep, I can pay for it!"
"Howdy Han, hear that fellow out at Gracie's was the guy you were looking for, how's he doing?
"Getting better – it'll take a little more time but he's going to be okay,"
"Say, Sam, I was thinking about what you said about the Breakes and how nobody seems to want to stand up to them. You think anyone in town would be willing ta talk to me about that?"
"Why would you want to do that? It's not your problem."
"I'm kinda making it my problem – seeing what my friend has gone through these two weeks kinda gives me a stake in the situation."
"Well, speaking of stakes, tonight is the regular Thursday night poker game here with some of the more prominent men in town – they avoid the weekend games – too unpredictable with the ranch hands all coming in – if I vouch for you, I think you can get in the game and you can bring it up with them."
"Well?" "Are ya gonna get me in the game?"
"Isn't that what I've been saying!"
############################################################################
So, the Mayor, president of the local bank, owner of the mercantile, the undertaker, Doc Stevens and I all sat down to the poker table.
"Good to see you here, Han. Glad you're getting a little break from watching over Jed."
"Good to see you too, Doc. Yea, he's doing pretty good, thanks to you. Can't tell you how much I appreciate it."
"He's a likable boy, I'm glad it's turning out well and the thanks goes to Gracie for taking him in."
"Yea, grateful to her…"
Play started, it was a decent group of players and winning hands were pretty spread out, I'll admit I wasn't really trying all that hard to win wanted to just have everyone be comfortable with me before I brought the subject up and then…
Doc started the conversation. "So Han, Sam tells us you're curious about the Breakes and the hold they have on the town."
"Yea, I wondered why they had so much power. Sam said they were living outside of town, are they ranchers?"
The Mayor, Grimes, I think he said his name was, answered.
"Nope, outlaws."
"Outlaws! What do you mean?
"I mean outlaws, folks who break the law.
"Yea, I know what outlaw means, just don't know why they have so much power here?"
Next up was the banker – Merrill.
"Let me explain, but first, let me raise $5.00. Now, Han, you may have noticed that we have no sheriff here?"
"Well, I really haven't focused on that, been more worried about Jed, but I guess yea, haven't noticed a sheriff. Lots of towns don't have sheriffs."
"True but we did, Sheriff Frankes – good man. About three years ago, we found him outside the jail, beaten to a pulp, Doc will confirm – not much chance of him making it. Note attached said. "Sorry about Frankes, terrible accident but don't worry we are here to protect the town. Note was signed, Breakes, Devil's Hole Gang."
I've been told I have an excellent poker face; it was never more challenged than right now…
"Breakes is a member of the Devil's Hole Gang?"
"Breakes and his brothers."
"Didn't think they were active in this part of the county?"
"Well, they apparently are, just look at your friend."
"Yea. Well gentlemen full house! Thanks for a pleasant game. Have a drink on me!"
Needed to get in touch with Jim. Will have to come up with a reason I'm away- not ready to talk with Jed about a gang yet.
############################################################################
"Morning Mam-mam. Breakfast is smelling good!"
"Morning Han, how was your time in town? I didn't expect you back so soon."
"Got the supplies, played a little poker – didn't lose my shirt – and so came back early this morning. Nowhere better than here but actually I'm probably gonna have to be gone for a couple of days. Need to check in with the boss at his place. Told him when I left that I was looking for Jed and he gave me the time. Want to bring him up to date and let him know I may need a week or so more. Depends on how Jed is doing though. Any change since I've been gone?"
"He is getting better every day. Spending time with Sarah and Jacob – God Bless him! Has a way with the little ones."
"Well yea, he can relate to folks close to his age," I said with a grin, so Mam-Mam knew I was kidding.
A quick flick of a towel on my back and "Never you mind, Han, your cousin has a gift relating to the innocence of little ones. We should all enjoy that gift."
"You're right, guess I'll go check on this marvelous human and let him know what I need to do."
I smiled and sighed, realizing that soon he and Jed would be leaving soon. I would miss them."
############################################################################
"Morning!
"You're back early. Didn't expect to see you till late this afternoon. No luck at the poker game?"
"Actually, did pretty well. But I realized that I need to check in with my boss to let him know when I can get back to work for him so came back to make sure you're still on the right road. Seems as if you are, so I'll probably be gone for maybe 4-5 days."
"are? My conversation with Sarah comes back…
"But what about Jacob? Don't you think he could have a good idea?"
"I guess he could, but I would probably have a better one, and he'll listen to me."
Have I dismissed Jed?
#########################################################################
"Well Hannibal, have you found your friend?"
"Good to see you too Jim. Do you know a man named Marvin Breakes?"
"Marvin Breakes? Breakes and his brothers were no more than blood thirsty thugs. I got them out of the gang as soon as I realized that. Why?"
"Well, they are claiming that they are responsible for the safety of Yorktown after killing the sheriff, now terrorizing the folks of the town as well as really beating up on my friend- so I have a personal interest."
"And you know where Breakes is?"
"Yep."
"And where is that?"
"Yorktown, about 2- or 3-days ride from here. They stay at a ranch about 3 miles outside of town, ride in when they want to, take over the town and whatever else they want and leave. Folks in town don't know how and are really afraid to confront them, so they kinda have the lay of the land- and use the Devil's Hole Gang as their ace in the hold."
"Umm….and what do you want me to do about this?"
"Up to you Jim. Do you want these two-bit guys using your gang's name as an insurance policy? Up to you."
I was counting on Jim's ego and also his understanding that this wasn't good for the gang to agree to take care of the situation.
"Okay, Hannibal this is what you and I will do. We will make a midnight visit to this ranch, just the two of us. We will deliver a message to the Breakes and rid the town of this problem.
###########################################################################
We arrived at the ranch around midnight, after a two-day hard ride. ranch. The house was dark, didn't see anyone on watch. So…
Breaking down the door did the trick of waking up the occupants.
"Jim…... what are you doing here!?"
You could see the fear in Breakes' eyes.
"I am letting you know that your little game is over and the next time I hear that you are claiming to be a member of the Devil's Hole Gang and using it for your own good, will be the last time you can claim anything. Do you understand?"
"Jim, I don't know what you are talking about."
I cocked my gun.
"Has Hannibal explained it to you? Pack up, get out and remember that I have eyes and ears where you don't expect."
#########################################################################
"So, Hannibal, are you ready to come back?"
He knows I hate when he calls me Hannibal…
"I am, just need to make sure my friend is still on the way to healing…and Jim, he would be a help to the gang, if he's willing."
"Thought I told you I did not want someone in the gang more worried about anybody but me."
"You did and I can take care of that."
As I said it, I thought – is this what Jed is worried about? The conversation with Sarah about Jacob comes back again - "I guess he could, but I would probably have a better one, and he'll listen to me."
#########################################################################
When I got back to the Carlin homestead, Jed was outside with the kids in the corral teaching them to ride. The pony was very gentle and Sarah was in the saddle. I watched him holding the reins and saw him speaking to her. Pretty sure he was explaining using her legs and knees to guide the horse. Do I want to bring him into a much different life?
"Hey.""
"Hey yourself. Your boss okay with you being away so long?"
"Yep, and for a little while longer. When you're done giving lessons, I'd like to talk to you."
"Need another hour or so."
"Okay, let me go and let Mam-Mam know I'm back."
###########################################################################
I watched as Jed finished up with the kids. He seemed content and happy and Sarah and Jacob clearly adored him. How will he take the proposition I'm about to offer.
"How did the kids do?"
"Pretty good, I think they will be able to sit a saddle."
"How are you feeling?""
"Good".
"Kinda what I want to talk to you about – how about hooking up again?"
Wasn't ready to mention gang to him yet and if I'm honest if I had and he resisted, I might have left Jim but needed to know where he was with us joining up again. His reaction wasn't really what I was hoping for. It was a combination of wistful hope and determined resistance.
"Han, I'm just not ready yet. It's not you it's what I need to do."
"What do you need to do?"
"I need to grow up.".
"Grow up!" What are you talking about!"
"Han, you have taken care of me since…well you know since when. I need to balance that with the fact that now I can take care of myself – mostly- and maybe not as well as I would like when maybe I'm hungry or cold but still I can do it. You will want to take care of me no matter what and that's something that comforts me but also something I can resent. So, I need to get to the place where I won't resent it but can step up to it. If I don't, we'll just fight and maybe lose each other. I can't risk losing each other."
There was a catch in his voice and he couldn't look me in the eye. I wondered when he got so smart. .
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We agreed to come back to Mam-Mam's in three months – to give Jed time to decide what he could do and it fit in the timeframe when the gang wouldn't be active and I wouldn't be missed at the Hole.
"Mam-Mam, thank you so much. I probably wouldn't be here if you hadn't taken me in."
"Ah Jed, the kids won't know what to do without you. Thank you for the attention you've given them. I'm sorry you won't meet Anthony. My grandbabies will be so lost without you. Let me give you a blessing. – May your troubles be less and your blessings be more and nothing but happiness come through your door, God bless you."
Mam-Mam gave me the cross on my forehead and I remember Grandma Curry doing the same when I was a child.
"Why do you have to go? I still need lessons…Jacob still needs lessons, please don't go…"
"I have to go Sarah. You will still get lessons but you really don't need too much more. Jacob is a little bit ahead so he'll be able to help you."
A "what" expression from Sarah and a grin from Jacob.
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"So, three months?"
"Yes, three months, I'll be here."
"I'll be here too."
"Jed, before you go…I took care of the medals."
"The medals?"
"Your ma's medal and my ma's medal. I took them that night. I kept them and when we hooked up with Silky, I asked them to hold them for us cuz I was afraid I couldn't keep them safe."
I could see the immediate tears come to Jed's eyes and I was right behind him.
"Thanks…thanks…."
"So, see you in three months, right here?"
"I'll be here."
And…...the rest is history….
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