I've always been a free spirit, unafraid to venture into the unknown. This winter break, I returned to my hometown of Rosewood after spending a semester working at Beacon Heights University in Oregon. As I stepped through the front door of my old house, memories flooded back – the laughter, the love, and the family I built with Emily. Professor Alison DiLaurentis-Fields. I signed the divorce papers and sent them back to Emily but I hadn't heard anything from her about them since she told me her lawyer received them. When I come back for the Summer I will have my own place nearby so that we don't have to endure the awkwardness of handling our healing in the same space and I want them to have the house since they need a much bigger space. I've talked to all of our friends. Emily is fine, our girls are fine, and Emily is focusing on work and being a parent. I have been doing the same. I didn't ask if she was seeing anyone. I'm not sure if I want to know but I guess if she is I'll find out soon. Outside of the brief crush on the married professor I didn't know was married and the thing with Taylor I haven't had much of a love life. I am happy that I got the chance to be with another woman other than Emily. Taylor is amazing and really good in bed. But neither of us are in a place to have more than just a good time. I always wondered if part of the Emily Fields appeal for me was because she was my first and only. Come to find out that was a void concern. Emily is not only the love of my life but we have so much history I'm not sure how it will feel when I move on. I expect her to move on first, she's never had an issue in that department. Even the nurses were flirting with her while I was labor.
However, our journey hasn't been without its challenges. We separated a while ago, our once passionate love now replaced with distance and uncertainty. A need to rebuild trust and understanding is a must to move forward even if all we are doing is co parenting. My therapist has been helping me with that. As I watched our now twin two-year-old daughters, Grace and Lily, playing together in the living room, I couldn't help but wonder: What if Emily and I could find love again? We had before. What if we were meant to be each other's forever? I shake my head at the thought. When I'm not working I facetime with Lily and Grace as much as I can. Em and I go over what they are learning in daycare and while I'm here we'll set up a date for Emily to bring them here to visit me between January and May. Oregon is a long way from Rosewood, Pennsylvania. When I took this job it was to get away from Rosewood. Everyone else had that chance and I didn't. However, with all the drama this semester, finding out that a professor at the university was behind all the drama, and grad school I have barely had a second to myself. It was also to get as far away from the fact that I ruin everything and everyone I love. I guess in a way I was running from myself, something I learned how to do at a young age. I know that I can't keep doing that, not as a mother. Our girls deserve better, Emily deserves better. I made promises to her that I have to uphold.
With hope in my heart and determination in my eyes, I decided to take a leap of faith. Before Mona and I made the flight home I reached out to Emily and suggested we give our love another chance - for the sake of our daughters and for the sake of us. Emily hesitated at first, cautious from past wounds but also longing for the happiness we once shared. Emily texted back with a straightforward "Give me some time to think about it Alison. I will always love you. But I'm not sure if I know how to forgive you to move forward." When we landed in Rosewood I couldn't tell if I was nervous, excited, scared, happy, or all of them at once. Toby picked us up from the airport and dropped off Mona at The Radley. Then dropped me off at home like the gentleman he is. When I opened the front door with Toby not too far behind me with the bags, there she was in the kitchen. The girls are playing on the living room floor. Toby took my bags up to the guest bedroom before he headed home. I thanked him and reminded him to let Spencer know I'd like to meet for coffee as soon as possible. I am happy to be home for the holidays, no matter where I go nothing feels quite like Rosewood. I can't tell if these are nerves or butterflies when it comes to Emily but I remind myself this is the same Emily I've known my entire life. We've been on bad terms before and she still loved and respected me. Emily is unpacking their lunch boxes when we lock eyes. By now I am sitting on the floor crying.
"It's okay Mommy. You don't have to be sad. You have us and Momma." Lily says as she kisses my other cheek. Now I am sobbing on our living room floor. Em walks behind me then sits down right beside me.
"Mommy is just so happy to be here guys. She missed us! That's all." She said as she looked at me only the way Em could. Her eyes aren't as cold in person, in fact somewhere in there is still Emily that fell in love with me all those years ago. She puts her hand on my hand as Lily sits in my lap and Grace sits in hers. She just smiles. "So how was your flight?" She asks while searching my face.
"It was fine. Mona and I just goofed off most of the time and it was nice having Toby pick us up." I get out before Lily hops up to rush to the playroom and Grace follows. Em and I laugh. She gets up and puts out her hand to help me up. On the outside I graciously take her hand. On the inside my stomach is doing flips at a simple hand touch. I tried to read her facial expression but she didn't look at me. Instead she made her way back to the kitchen. I just stood there feeling a little out of place. I was unsure if I should go unpack, go play with the girls, or make small talk with Emily.
"I have Chinese food on the way for us and pizza for the girls. You can go ahead and unpack and shower before it gets here. I know how you are after traveling." Em says lightheartedly with a giggle at the end. She knows me. I do just that. I come down in my pajamas just in time for the food to arrive. The pizza must have come when I was in the shower, Grace and Lily are already at the table eating. I open the door and grab our food. It smells amazing. While Em fills up two little juice cups with lids, I start plating our food. Shrimp Egg Foo Young and fried rice for me, General Tso's Chicken and white rice for Em. Crab Rangoon and egg rolls to share. Emily walks behind me, touches the small of my back, and says thank you before asking what I'd like to drink. For a second it felt like nothing had changed, only for a second. I took the plates to the table, she sat down with lemonades for both of us, and the girls looked so content.
"Mommy, I love you!" Grace yells out and Lily just hums in agreement and nods.
"G, what did I say about talking with your mouth full?" Emily asks sternly.
"Not too." Grace says as she licks pizza sauce off the corners of her mouth.
"Come here my little pizza face! I love you too lovebug. So, so much! But your momma is right. No talking with your mouth full." I reply as I wipe her mouth for her and kiss her cheek. When I sit back in my seat I notice Emily looking at me. I pretend to ignore it but I can almost feel her eyes watch me. I make jokes with Grace and Lily then look up at Em. She looks peaceful so I decided not to bother her with talk. Then it hit me, she's probably happy to have me back so she doesn't have to do all of this on her own.
After dinner I gave the girls a bath while Emily cleaned up the kitchen. The girls had one more week of daycare and we decided that just because I was home it didn't mean we should interrupt their schedules. That would give me time to go to Christamas shopping, meet up with friends, and help Emily with anything she needs around the house. We read the girls a bedtime story then returned back downstairs. Emily showed me what goes in their lunchboxes, what outfits to layout and the method behind all the madness so I can take over for the rest of the week. Even though I was only gone for six months it felt way longer. Emily said goodnight and I sat on the couch with a glass of wine. I should go to be as I have to be up to take the girls to daycare.
After a few days of dropping the girls off and letting Em sleep in for once, we decided to catch up even more over cups of steaming coffee at their favorite corner café finally. I had stopped by to see Aria and finally got to meet Kenzie. Also got to see Hanna and meet baby Kaia. Hopely Spencer and Toby will have a boy otherwise all of our girls will know exactly what it felt like growing up as us. Minus the trauma and drama. It's always a pleasure to rediscover Emily. We laughed about old inside jokes that only we understand, reminiscing about all the adventures we embarked on together over our lifetime. I told Em about the married guy in which she had a good laugh about. I also told her about Taylor. I couldn't gauge how she felt about it though. I just mentioned that I ended up hooking up with someone who reminded me of myself but it wasn't serious. She admitted to getting to know one of the women at the daycare center and mentioned that they hadn't gone past anything under the clothes as of yet. Now it made more sense why she would have to think about giving us another chance. I don't take it to heart. I've watched her date other women, even love some of them but never the way she loves me. I'll remain unphased until I feel like I don't have a chance. The D in DiLaurentis has always stood for delusional. It's gotten us into a lot of trouble but also a lot of good things. Rebuilding a love that had crumbled required more than just nostalgia; it demanded honesty and vulnerability. We've shared a few late nights spent talking about fears, dreams, aspirations – unraveling layers of emotions that had been buried under time's weight. The walls we built around our hearts were slowly crumbling down.
I surprised Emily with thoughtful gestures - leaving sweet notes hidden around the house or planning romantic time after family time. This Friday night I decided to cook Emily's favorite meal. Teriyaki salmon, a caesar salad with homemade dressing, garlic fries, and lemon squares. The girls are with their aunt Hanna since today was their last day of daycare, she figured she'd give us a little break "alone." We enjoyed our meal. Drank some wine and listened to some music. Lover by Taylor Swift comes on. Em stands up and holds out her hand. I take it. The spark between us was undeniable as we danced in each other's arms. That night we drunkenly made a pact to prioritize communication above all else, promising to understand each other's needs and nurture our relationship. We agreed to attend couples therapy. As the days turned into a week then two, our love story was being rewritten. Our family felt complete once again, as we created new memories with Grace and Lily – bedtime stories filled with laughter, family and friend outings, and messy arts and crafts sessions after lunch. Our Christmas tree can't hold anymore ornaments. Our journey was not without bumps along the way; old wounds resurfaced and insecurities threatened to shake our newfound foundation. We finally managed to find some quality time for ourselves again right before Christmas Eve. After putting the kids to bed Emily had planned a romantic evening. Little did we know that this special night would take an unexpected turn. As we sat down for a late dinner alone, the atmosphere was warm and filled with laughter. We reminisced about past Christmases together, cherishing the beautiful memories we created as a family and friends. However, as the conversation unfolded. "It's only cheating if you get caught." Emily made a not so lighthearted joke about cheating. My smile faded as I immediately took offense to the remark. I couldn't understand why Emily would make such a joke when we both remained faithful throughout our relationship. Feeling hurt and defensive, I voiced my concerns, expressing my disappointment in Emily's choice of words.
"I never thought about cheating on you. When I was with anyone I had to work really hard to keep my feelings for you at bay so I didn't even think about being with you. But that's why we had boundaries. I may not always make good choices but cheating on you was never one of the things I got wrong." I said angrily. Emily, startled by my reaction, quickly realized the unintended impact of her joke.
"Alison Lauren DiLaurentis- Fields look at me. I never thought you cheated on me. It was a horrible and misplaced joke. I'm sorry and I want you to know I never cheated on you either. If anything like you said when I was with other people I wanted to drop everything for you. The older we got the more boundaries we had to have especially when you had a husband. But it's always been you, it will always be you." She apologized sincerely, explaining that it was meant purely in jest and never intended to hurt me. As emotions ran high and tension filled the air, we found ourselves on opposite sides of an argument that seemed bigger than just a misunderstanding. Had we not healed as much as we thought we did. Amidst the heated exchange of words, realization dawned on the both of us. We paused for a moment and looked into each other's eyes with love and understanding. Determined not to let this disagreement overshadow the night, I reached out to hold Emily's hand softly. Our eyes softened as we exchanged heartfelt apologies and reassurances; promises that we would never betray each other's trust. Things that we never said before and we both needed to hear.
The atmosphere shifted as forgiveness washed over us like a gentle breeze on a summer night. In that tender moment of reconciliation, I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Emily's lips—a symbol of forgiveness and renewed commitment. With the connection rekindled and love reaffirmed, we realized that this disagreement had actually brought us closer. We learned the importance of open communication, understanding each other's boundaries, and the significance of never taking the kind of love we share for granted. We ended the night wrapped in each other's arms in bed, feeling more in love than ever before. The experience served as a reminder that even in the face of disagreements, love could withstand any challenge and only grow stronger. "Hey, I love you." Emily spoke softly before kissing me.
"Hey, I love you." I replied back between kisses. We kissed until we were breathless and Emily lifted my t-shirt and threw it beside the bed. I took hers off and did the same. We leaned into each other, skin pressed against skin, and my hands on her face while we kissed hungrily. This was the first time we had done anything other than cuddle. I feel her hands explore my body as our kisses get deeper. When she tugs at the top of my shorts I moan a little. I lift up to help her take them off. I tug at her pajama pants and as soon as they are on the floor I feel her leg between mine. Her thigh pressed against my wetness and I almost lost it. She's got her hand in my hair while we kiss and I grind into her. She replaces her thigh with her hand as she slides a few fingers inside. I remember that the girls are old enough to hear us and I muffle my moans by kissing Emily deeper. My hands are gripping her back as she works my body to orgasm. She leaves me breathless but I don't want her to stop. "Keep touching me. I need more. More of you." I softly whispered against her ear. She pulled back and looked into my eyes, her eyes dark and low. She looks at me like I'm her prey and she wants to devour me. We end up being positioned where I'm sitting on her face and her hands are rubbing my nipples. It's pure ecstasy. At this moment nothing matters except how good she feels. I'm rubbing her nipples while she rubs mine and circles my clit with her warm tongue. I can't fight it anymore. I bend over, our bodies pressed against each other, and I put my face between her thighs. I remember she hasn't had sex since the last time we did and I remember her like the back of my hand. I lick while she's licking and it took no time for us both to spiral into bliss. I kept licking and slid fingers inside her at a steady pace. After many rounds of pleasing each other in our favorite ways. We fall asleep in each other's arms.
In the days that followed, we continued to nurture our relationship. We all gathered for Christmas Eve. It was nice seeing everyone in the same space and the kids. We didn't want to make a big deal about us working on our relationship so we didn't say anything. Spencer and Toby announced that they were having a baby and that was the highlight of the evening. We sent the men away with the kids to watch a movie in the playroom while we wrapped the last of our gifts and exchanged gifts from each other to open tomorrow morning. Emily and I kept getting side eyes and grins anytime we did something cute or flirty but now I was sitting on the floor and she was sitting behind me. I finished wrapping the last gift and leaned back into her. She wrapped her arms around me and I tilted my head to give her a kiss. Aria clapped, Spencer smiled, and Hanna yelled out woohoo! We all laughed. The one thing I will say is that we all may not always see eye to eye but we love each other and support each other's happiness whatever that looks like. No one asked because they know like we know that Em and I are made for each other. We will figure out exactly how we are going to manage the months I'm away and but this will be my last semester away from my girls, all of them. For now we enjoy this beautiful night. We've all learned that true love is a commitment to growth and forgiveness. We chose to face our challenges together, hand in hand. That's how Hanna and Caleb, Spencer and Toby, and Aria and Ezra all survived all the things they've been through. Emily and I are still working on it. In the end, it will be our unwavering belief in each other that prevailed. She has always been my protector and I have always been her lover. I was always the one for Emily, just as Emily had always been my favorite person in the world. And so, under a blanket of stars on a chilly winter night in Rosewood as we waved goodbye to our best friends before heading back inside I took Emily's hand and whispered three words that held a universe of meaning: "I choose you." With tears of joy streaming down our faces, we embraced tightly, knowing that their love had triumphed against all odds. Proof that sometimes love can find its way back home.