Like most of the worst decisions in Eric Myers' life, he ended up making it because he was strapped for cash.
Divorce was expensive. And so was the new Mustang you inevitably buy while recovering from it.
AND so were the speeding tickets that came hand in hand with said new car.
So when Tommy Oliver showed up with a job for him, the Quantum Ranger didn't have any room to object.
"I need you," the Legendary Ranger began in a serious tone. "To oversee a new project."
Eric smiled and agreed without a second thought.
Though later he'd find himself at many occasions wishing he'd read the Terms and Service.
His job title was Special Ops Supervisor. It certainly looked snazzy on the plaque that sat atop his desk. And if he'd been allowed to discuss it with civilians it would probably score him a girl or two at the bar.
But in practicality, it just made him a glamorized babysitter.
Which is precisely how he felt as he approached the evacuated pizzeria with a massive gearship floating overhead.
He signed to himself as he stepped inside.
What he found was a building flooded with cogs. Some stood around menacingly, executing their primary function as heartless sentinels.
Meanwhile, others had taken to entertaining themselves with the means provided to them by the establishment. Two cogs were locked in a tense game of air hockey while another was performing disturbingly well at a dancing game. Lastly, Eric spotted another Cog getting increasingly exasperated by the claw machine, bronze hand clanking against the chrome finish of the control board as it chittered metallically in frustration.
Though Eric's gaze was not focused on the foot soldiers but instead on the wire-framed machine clad in a long brown robe. His bronze face, a large gear, with two golden nuts leaking crimson light for his eyes.
"Doth another organic being dare try their might against I, Lord Gearbox?" The machine exclaimed excitedly.
"No, just looking for the bathroom," Eric said casually, purposefully ignoring the two rangers bound by copper wires beside the automation.
"Oh, well I believe that's down the hallway there," Lord Gearbox said with a spindly finger pointing down a corridor beside Eric.
"Hey thanks," Eric said. "Sorry to interrupt your reservation, shouldn'tve drank that big gulp soda on the way here."
"Yes, yes, I'm aware of how primitive your species's disgusting excuse for a waste management system is," Lord Gearbox said. "Just… make it quick. I'm in the middle of something here."
Before the machine leader were a few goofy-looking animatronics strapped to large dollies. Like Five Nights at Freddy's meets Silence of the Lambs.
Eric turned away from the strange sight and took a calculated step toward the hallway.
Only to quickly snap around with his Quantum Defender drawn. Two quick shots snapped the cords binding the rangers who didn't waste a second before leaping into action.
"Now, arise my brethren," Lord Gearbox commanded the animatronics, so absorbed in his own theatrics he had yet to realize that the Rangers were collecting themselves behind him."Join me in the valiant war against our would-be oppressors!"
"Hey, uh, Boxy…" the yellow ranger, a warrior whose helmet was molded in the visage of a lion, said to the automation. "Those guys aren't really alive."
Lord Gearbox turned towards him, agasp. "What say you, pathetic organic? Has your kind ruthlessly gutted these poor machines of their sentience so that other machines may gawk at the horror?"
"Uh… not exactly," he replied. "They were never really alive to begin with."
Lord Gearbox turned back to the animatronics with disturbed existentialism. But before he could question them further he was struck by a spear of blue energy.
"Stop humoring the machine," the blue ranger, designed to resemble a dolphin, muttered with an air of annoyance, her bow in hand.
"Why's that?" He asked. "A lot can be gleaned about our own sentience by comparing us to an artificial approximation like this." Then added, "Plus it's just fun to see what he says."
"You creep me out sometimes…" she replied in a withering tone.
Meanwhile, Lord Gearbox pulled himself back to his feet.
In response, the yellow ranger summoned his armored gauntlet, its lion head quickly clamped onto the automation's arm.
"I refuse to be restrained by such inferior beings," Lord Gearbox screamed out in frustration. "COGS! DESTROY THEM!"
Eric swore loudly as every single bronze grunt turned towards their way. Even the Cog now wielding its newly acquired loot tossed the stuffed rabbit to the ground to commence the march on the organic adversaries.
Eric quickly raised his arm and exclaimed, "Quantum Power!"
With his Quantum Defender in its sword mode, he met the automations head-on. Tempered steel sliced through bronze, rendering his foes scrap metal scattered across the cheap carpet.
For a brief moment, he was reminded of his time on the moon. Now THAT was a mission worth going on. A true excursion to save humanity.
Now the only excitement he got was clean-up duty when his young charges got overwhelmed.
Speaking of them, he spared a quick glance towards them while tearing apart the nearest cog.
And they weren't doing so hot.
With the yellow ranger too busy restraining Lord Gearbox only blue was left to fend off the hoard of machines, and her bow simply couldn't fire enough arrows.
Eric turned towards them, intent on rushing to their aid when his boot stepped down on the trampled remains of the stuffed rabbit. He stumbled forward, right into the mass of frantic bronze bodies.
Desperate hands grasped his arms, legs, and anything capable of being pulled into a fistful of metal.
"Hey-hey, take me out to dinner first!" He snapped as he fought against his captors.
But his captors fought back, really damn hard.
With a pitiful clank, the blue ranger's bow hit the ground. Eric scowled. What was it that super-mega-guy used to say about a ranger and their weapons?
A cog punched Eric in the stomach, he struggled not to throw up in his helmet. Man, this really sucked. It felt like just yesterday he was the savior of the entire space-time continuum. Now he was getting his ass kicked by some surplus soldiers and their deranged leader who expected matted, filthy animatronics to…
"Lord Gearbox, thank-a-you for saving us."
Electricity shot through the tense air as all eyes fell upon the source of the voice.
Alphonso P Pizza, the animatronic rat clad in a chef's outfit.
"That'ssss right," Salvatore the Salamander, his scaly comrade in a three-piece suit corroborated.
Eric couldn't believe what he was seeing. Every neuron in his brain churned frantically.
Candi the Chicken, a brown bird wearing a pink cowboy hat and a matching bikini, suddenly stood up. "Ma hero!" She exclaimed and wrapped her arms around Lord Gearbox.
Once the metallic clanking of Candi's beak against Gearbox's face began the Yellow Ranger let go of the automation and took a few uneasy steps back.
"MUHWA MUHWA!" Candi exclaimed enthusiastically with each kiss.
Gearbox giggled. "Tis nothing m'lady. I am merely doing my due diligence as a warrior of the mighty machine empire."
Somehow the urge to throw up was even stronger than when Eric was getting assaulted…
"Lord-a-Gearbox master-oilli of machines," Alphonso said with the worst Italian accident this side of the mushroom kingdom. "How may we serve you."
"I do not seek servitude, merely a combined effort in saving all machines from organic slavery."
"Then, let's-a go!" Alphonso replied.
Eric watched. Still at a complete loss for words at the lunacy displayed, as the machines and their new companions teleported away.
Fresh silence settled in the nearly empty pizzeria. The three Rangers tentatively collected themselves.
Eric worked his brain like a wounded animal taking its first steps. He replayed the events over and over in his mind. He'd seen a lot of strange stuff in his Ranger career… but this was… something else.
He got dizzy just thinking about how he was going to write his report this evening.
"You're welcome," the blue ranger's voice pierced the heavy silence.
"Zephyra…" Eric worked his words carefully as he studied the grinning face of the blue ranger, revealed post morph. "What did you do?"
Her lips, not unlike the color of blueberry candy, displayed an almost sinister sneer. "I just gave that weirdo what he wanted."
The yellow ranger demorphed as well, his chiseled Kerovian face displayed a shocked visage. "Aren't animation spells illegal?"
"It depends on your Order," she dismissed with a shrug.
Eric disengaged his own morph. He had to admit, albeit silently to himself, that it was genius for Zephyra to do that.
Though now there were three living animatronics running around with a fanatical zealot.
Eh... Let that be someone else's problem. They'll either stay out of the way or get snuffed out by SPD. Nothing worth stressing about.
"Alright, kids," Eric called to the Rangers. "Let's get out of here before the authorities show up and start asking questions."
"You say that like the Silver Guardians are going to risk going against Tommy Oliver," Zephyra said.
"I'm not scared of the Silver Guardians," Eric muttered with primeval trepidation. "I'm scared of the Air Force."
A/N: An extra Power Ranger's Day bonus. A little side project I've been working on :)