Hello everyone. Wow, for some reason I didn't expect that people would read this, thank you! I'm definitely planning on finishing this story, because I really don't like getting hooked on a story that'll never finish, so I promise this now, even if only one person wishes for it, I'll finish it. Anyway, I hope it's not too bad, and have a great day :).
Chapter 3
Uhh, it's Monday, and Quinn's talking some random shit in the Celibacy club to "that thing, Rachel Whatshername". Her quote, not mine, I like to call her dwarf in my mind. Someone who needs way to many attention. What is she even trying to achieve in this club? Like seriously, this is basically just a club filled with cheerleaders. I don't mind, as long as my Britt Britt is here.
Before you think I have no life besides Brittany, that's a lie. I have my interests and hobbies, like gaming, I love that. And besides the fact that cheerleading could be a bit more relaxing if we had a nicer coach, I really like to cheerlead. My mom also wanted me to play the piano for a really long time, and I guess I'm pretty average in that. But above all, I like singing the most. It's just my passion. But that's a secret only Britt knows about, and I'm not planning on letting that secret out.
I don't know how I'm going to manage to keep my singing a secret if we're joining that stupid club. I think that's also a reason why Britt is being so enthusiastic about joining Glee club. We have a lot of jamming sessions where she's dancing while I'm singing. She says I could totally become a professional singer if I wanted to and that she knows I secretly adore it.
And there I am, talking about Brittany again. I just like to be with my best friend a lot, is that so much of a problem? And yes I have a crush on her for like a year now, I'm just not ready to show her my feelings like that. It's a lot. Besides the fact that I don't do feelings, I have very loving but also very conservative parents, and don't let me even start talking about my abuela.
But besides my own problems, I know Brittany has some too, she's more guarded then you'd say. She's just very smart in the way of hiding the fact that she's guarded. And since the accident last week, when she freaked out in Quinn's room, I'm starting to get really suspicious that there's a serious problem going on. Ever since this school year has started, she's looking even less happy then normal. She has a really bubbly and happy persona, but it's more of a wall then her authentical feeling. I know she's not the happiest person in the world, and that's okay, everybody has their own journey (even though it's my life mission to make her that), but it's not okay that she feels the need to being fake happy and stress free. I want to help, but it's really difficult to help her if she doesn't let me in completely. Where's the line between being a good friend and forcing a person into something they never asked for? I know my feelings are starting to run deep for her, but we've only started to really bond two months ago, so I'm almost in love with a perspective that will (hopefully) come in six months or something. You know, like when you can see those annoyingly people who know eachother better then the back of their thumb?
Also, what kind of expression is that? If you would show me ten pictures of thumbs, and they look a lot like my thumb, then I'm not sure I would pick out which one's mine. Anybody else? I don't know, who analyses their thumb that much? But back to my first thought process. Uh, oh right, I just would really like to know Brittany better, and see how it goes from there. I feel the connection, and I'm 99% sure she feels it too.
Oh god, the school bell has made his appearance! It's finally time to do our audition. I haven't been able to talk to britt this whole day, because we don't have much classes in common on Monday. So after Quinn ended the Celibacy club, we walked together to the choir room. "Hey Britt, how's it going with your bruises, are they healing good?" I'm trying to be delicate about it, because I don't want her to run away again. She sighs: "yes San, everything fine, I almost don't feel it anymore, and don't worry, the dancing will go fine." "Oh I wasn't worried about that, you didn't made a sound when we practiced our dance, and that was before we saw your stomach, so please don't say I'm worried about the fact you could disturb the audition or not, it's you I'm thinking of, and you know it". She barely reacts to that, and luckily for her, Quinn jumps up behind us and takes both of our shoulders in the process. "Come on girls, we're going to kick some ass."
And we did, the Spanish teacher, who apparently teaches glee club, Will Schuester, was really impressed with our version of say a little prayer. Sue was less happy about it and wants us to start spying on the club. I don't really care about that, it can only be good for our reputation. And it seems like Quinn desperately doesn't want to lose her boyfriend, so I guess that's mostly her argument. Britts argument is probably to start getting me out of my shell and start singing more. But I need this reputation, if only she'd realise that these costumes are the only thing that's standing in the way of her being bullied by people. Because I know that would happen, she's already been called a slut and a toddler and a stupid, dumb blonde in one sentence. And I don't want her to feel that way. She isn't, really isn't. And yes, it does seem like that in school. I don't know how it comes. Maybe it's a bit of panick she feels and sometimes yells out the first thing that comes to mind?
Sometimes it looks like she's high or something. It's like she's locked away her thinking brain for a bit and her instinctive brain (reptile brain or something) takes over. If that happens, then people can say the strangest shit. But I don't think she's high. Within my knowledge, she never has even took something that comes close to drugs. She hasn't even tried alcohol for god's sake.
"See you tomorrow S and B. We're going to crush that Glee club, and I'm going to get my boyfriend back. As long as we can stay on the Cheerios, we're going to have an excellent school year." Quinn walks away to her car as she waves at us. I barely register that Quinn's talking to us, because I'm trying to figure out a way to finally get some truth out of Brittany. She always distracts me when I'm talking about her strange behaviour and she never gives me an answer. I want to help, but I don't even know with what. Why doesn't she let someone in?
It doesn't need to be me. I get if someone wouldn't want to get close to me. But she can look so lonely, and since I'm closest in line to take away some of her lonileness, then who am I to be selfish and not listen to that. All right, all right, not selfish, I know I have great benefit in getting close to Brittany, let's call it loyal then. But in order to let me in, I need to find a way to get behind her wall. When I'm opening my mouth to start a conversation with her, I can see the look in her face that means she's closed off, but I'm not going to let her do that. I thought it was the best to just let her do what she wants, maybe she gets a benefit out of being alone, but it isn't making her any happier. So I decided I'm going to talk about it.
Yes, I'm going to be the listening ear she may need. One summer, or actually when I really analyse it, since we met (so a full year) of strange behaviour from her is enough for a lifetime. "See you Quinn." I hear Britt say.
When Quinn is driving away in her fancy grey car, I try to get Brittany's attention. "Hey Britt, can you come over to my place tonight?" She looks at me puzzled, like she knows I'm up to something. "Sure, I just need to pick my sister up from primary school and then I'll be on my way." She smiles at me and I smile back. "Okay, great, see you in an hour." "Bye San." And she walks away to her car.
I got a text when I arrive home from Britt.
/ Hey San, I'm not going to make it tonight. I'm starting to feel sick, so I'm just going to bed early tonight.
Hmm weird, she didn't look sick at all when we parted ways after school. I answer anyway.
/ Okay Britt, feel better soon. See you tomorrow. Love ya
She answers almost immediately.
/ Love ya too, xx
Okay that's good, nothing strange about that text, I guess she's really just feeling sick.
The next morning, when I arrive at school, I get another text from Brittany, in our unholy trinity group chat.
/ Britt Britt: Hey guys, I'm not going to make it today, I'm sick. Have fun on the first glee club meeting!
/ Q: Feel better soon B. we're just going to skip the first meeting. Let them know who's in charge and all that ;).
/ Me: yeah right, make it seem like that was your idea Q, I know Sue whispered that in your ear the other day. Make sure you're not losing your power, just because you want your boyfriend all for yourself. And feel better soon from me too Britt!
While I'm typing my response, I walk into Quinn. "Watch where you're walking Santana." I smirk. "I'm not even sorry Q, you were standing in my way. And don't act like you would apologise to me if you'd bump into me." She doesn't answer to that, which is just confirmation for me. "Guess this is going to be a boring day, Britt's not missing anything, we have this killer work-out after school from Sue, I'm not really looking forward to it." Quinn says. "Yeah I know. I'll go see Britt after school, I'm a bit worried about her. Will you come?" I ask her. "no sorry, I can't. I have a date with Finn tonight. But tell her I said hey." "Will do" I say.
After running up and down the bleachers, doing almost a thousands push-ups (allright I'm exaggerating a little bit, don't blame me, it felt like even more) and trying our new routine for the first time, we're finally done with Cheerios practise. I pack my bags, give a quick goodbye to Quinn and rush to my car. I want to see Brittany, something in my gut tells me that something's not right. Fifteen minutes later I arrive at Britt's front porch. It probably surprises you that I don't come here that often. We almost always meet up at my place, or at the parc, and more recently sometimes at Quinn's place too. She says it's because she doesn't want her little sister to disturb us. Which, I'll admit, she does, Charlotte is quite the little attention seeker. Britt tells me she has a little crush on me, ow how I wish she'd say that about herself.
I don't mind that we mostly meet up at my place. It's just a bit weird. Anyway, I climb out of my (black) Mercedes and walk to the front door. My parents are wealthy, and since I'm an only child, the only way of spending their money is through me. Sometimes it feels like they try to buy love through money, but if it gets me a nice car to drive around with, then their forgiven… for the most part. They do their best, they love me and I love them. We barely fight and even though they work a lot, especially my father, but when we're together, we always bound over family time.
Meanwhile I arrived at Britt's home. I knock (like a normal person,normally we use like this code, but I figure that it's not going to be Brittany who'll open and hear the door). So what I didn't expect is for Brittany to open the door like nothing's wrong. Her smile falters the second she realises it's me at the door. "Ow, SSantana, hey. What are you doing here?" She asks me. "Uhm, I wanted to check on you, since you're sick and all that. You don't look sick, did you magically heal in one day?" I look at her skeptically and use my 'don't lie to me' voice.
She looks straight back at me, and tries to have a silent conversation me, like she's begging me to let this go. I don't and she takes a deep breath in and opens the door for me wider. "Okay, I lied. I'm not sick, my little sister is, and I didn't want to let her alone at the house." I walk inside the house while I'm answering her. "Isn't your dad home? He only works parttime right?" She gives a nervous laugh. "you remembered that didn't you. Yeah he is also home. But I didn't realise that when I decided to skip school."
I stop walking when I'm fully in her hallway and she's closing the door. I give her a little shove on her shoulder. "So you lied? Why would you lie to me and Q? We'd understand if you'd stay home for your sister. I don't get why your dad can't take care of your sister and let you stay home on a school day. It's your education, not something to laugh about. She looks me deeply in the eyes and stutters a few incomprehensive words in the process.
Then I hear an angry voice from her kitchen. "Brittany, who was that at the door?" It's her dad, and now he's standing in the hall with us. His expression changed really quick, I couldn't really see what he felt like before he saw me. Now he's having the signature Pierce smile on his face. "Wel hello Santana, what gives us the pleasure of you visiting us?" I give him a polite nod. "Hello mr. Pierce, I just wanted to check on Brittany if she was feeling all right." He gives his daughter a questioning look. "Was there a problem?" I look between Brittany and her dad, who are having a silent conversation I don't understand a thing of. "No not all, she just said she was feeling sick so I checked on her."
He stops the staring-competition between him and his daughter and turns back to me. "Well isn't that nice of you. Let's come to the kitchen so we can offer you a drink. Brittany don't just stand there, your friend is probably thirsty." He asks in a friendly voice. I know the Pierce-family is really well raised. Politeness is like the number one thing this family values.
"Yes, of course dad, come with me Santana, do you want something to drink?" I'm walking next to her to the kitchen. It's a nice kitchen, it has a little kitchen island in the middle, it's nothing fancy, but well enough to properly cook in. I hear Britt's dad clearing his throat. "I didn't know you were a cheerleader Santana. Or that's what I think it is, since you're wearing such an outfit. It's quite.. revealing." I'm frowning my eyebrows, because that's a bit of a strange question right? I mean, he probably hasn't seen me in this outfit yet, because if we meet after school at eachother houses (as little as I go to her house) we'll always change our outfits at our own places, because even though I don't mind wearing the cheerios skirts, I do prefer my own clothes. "Uhm yes I am? Quinn's a cheerleader too. So that's nice, it's something we always share together." Now he's the one who's frowning his eyebrows. And then I see something click in his mind. "You're still a cheerleader to Brittany? I though you quit last year after two months?"
Huh, what the hell is going on, Britt hasn't told her parents she's a cheerleader? That's crazy odd. She takes a second to answer. "Yeah I didn't, but I only started again this year. I wanted it to be a surprise on our first performance, and invite you and mom to watch the game." After she said that she gives me a short desperate look. She's begging me not to say anything. Honestly I'm too shocked to say anything at all. Why did she lie? We joined the Cheerios, and almost never missed a practice since last year. How the hell was she able to hide that from her parents? We're practising after school three times a week! Her dad's trying to analyse Brittany, but she's unreadable this moment. Her dad is looking really skeptical at her and answers: "Hmm, well it's nice of you to make such a surprise for us, but next time let us know beforehand. Your mom and I like to know these things about you… So you weren't practising your dance or with Santana at home when you only arrive here two hours after school stops?" She puts her hands behind her back, so I'm the only one who's seeing that's she's fidgeting with her fingers like crazy. "No I wasn't. And I promise, next time I'll let you know dad."
After Brittany has taken a random bottle of something out of the fridge, she takes my hand and pulls me to the stairs. "I'll check on Charlotte dad." Her dad doesn't even have time to answer when she's already dragging me to the third step on the stairs. It's deathly quiet when we're walking upstairs. The first room I see is from her sister, and she silently opens the door to see if Charlotte's still asleep. It seems like everything is all right, because now she's walking towards her own room, at the end of the hallway.
She has a unicorn poster on her door and when you walk inside you see light blue walls with pink flowers on it. She has a poster of Charlie's st. Cloud on her wall. I hate that movie, I didn't get it the first time I watched it, didn't get it the third time Britt made me watch it. It's creepy as hell in my opinion, but Brittany understood it from the first time and loved it apparently. It's either that movie or Disney movies. I learned after three times that I better choose the childish movies above the adult movie. And maybe there's a small part of me that loves those movies too, just maybe.
When we're both standing in the room, she gently pushes me aside to close the door. After she did that, she's starting to fidget with her hands again. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what just happened five minutes earlier, so I'm trying to break the obvious tension in the room. "Quinn said hello, she couldn't come with me, date with Frankenteen or whatever." She looks me in the eyes and goes to sit down on her bed. "That's no problem, you shouldn't have come either, I would've been fine. But it was nice of you to think of me." She says. After that it gets silent again for a whole minute. And not the comfortable kind of silence.
I look back at her and narrow my eyes. Okay, so I guess she's not going to mention the big pink elephant in the room, guess I should start. "Britt what the hell happened? How come you didn't tell your parents you're a cheerleader? There's nothing wrong with that right?" I say, without trying to raise my voice, I don't want my emotions to take over yet. She's taking a deep breath in, trying to prepare herself for this conversation I guess. "I don't know, it just never occurred to me to tell them." She says. I look at her sceptically.
My brain's working really fast, trying to find good arguments. "I don't think that's true Britt. Like this costume, how did you hide that from your parents? Did you changed in your car or something?" I ask. She looks up at me, with a surprised look: "Yes exactly, I just changed in my car before I entered my house." She looks away quickly, realising she just admitted it was a conscious decision of her. I have a small triumphant feeling in my stomach, only small though, because this is serious.
"Hah so you did think about it." While I'm saying that I'm walking closer to her, trying to intimidate her a bit. "So what's the problem, it's not like your parents would've had a problem with that right? Or would they?" I ask. She stutters, and her breath starts to rapid. I stop walking because I can't come any closer. I'm literally standing between her legs. "No they wouldn't have a problem with it, it's not that." She says. I turn my head a bit in a questioning way. "what is it Britt? I'm worried about you. It's not like you to lie about things." I ask her with a worried voice.
She looks up to me, our heads only inches away from each other. She doesn't answer right away. Just staring really intensely in my eyes, and then her eyes flicker to something lower on my face. That's strange, why would she do that? Listening to my curiosity, and ignoring my anxiety of standing so close to her, I keep myself perfectly still. After a few seconds she's pressing my forehead on hers, and looks me deeply in the eye. It's something we sometimes do, to really feel connected to each other, but it's been a while. I hear her stop breathing. And then she kisses me…
My mind freezes. I have no idea what to do. My best friend is kissing me! My best friend, whom I have had a crush on for ages, is kissing ME. My reflex is to breath in, because she startled me. But that's a bit awkward if someone's lip are on yours. What should I do, let this happen? Pull away? This is everything I've dreamed off for a while. So there's only one right decision in this scenario... I kiss her back. I feel the curve of her soft thin lips on mine, it's an innocent kiss, but that doesn't make it less intimate.
She brings her hand to the back of my neck to pull me even closer, not that that's possible, but I don't mind. I bite gently on her lower lip in response and she gives a silent moan in answer. I bring my left hand to her cheek to caress it gently, whilst my right hand is clinging onto her hair desperately, begging for the kiss to not end. I feel her tongue carefully slide over my lips, asking for access. Which I give to her. Now I'm the one who's giving a silent moan, what's barely audible since it's silenced in her mouth. Wait, that sounds weird, don't think about that right now.
I really don't get how she has never kissed a person before, and okay, she's not more confident than the past guys I kissed. But I can't call her timid either, I mean she started the Frenching of this kiss, not me. But since she started it, she probably wouldn't mind if I took a bit more control. Because I'm still Santana, I like to be in control. So I push her tongue back into her mouth, and let mine explore things a bit, which, if I can trust the louder moans she gives me, she appreciates a lot. Whilst I'm doing that, I'm pushing her gently to lay her on her back on the bed. I straddle her and pull her arms above her head without breaking of our kiss. But then the inevitable happens. We need air.
I break the kiss and we're looking intensely to each other. I'm not a big fan of eye contact, way too intimate. Whenever I kissed Puck or some other guy I never looked them in the eye. But I guess I don't mind with Britt. Our chests are both going up and down quite fast, both breathing heavily. "What… was… that?" I ask her, still out of breath. She waits with answering until she catches her breath again. "I owed you, remember. You joined Glee Club." Right, I forgot about that for a second. Okay, maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up just yet about the meaning of this kiss. "Okay… well thanks I guess." I answer awkwardly, I don't really know what to say. "You're very welcome Santana." She's giving me a timid smile, her eyes are blinking really brightly. She looks … happy. Did I make that happen?
After some intense staring to each other, I see her smile faltering. It's like she's remembering something. I see her getting her walls up again, I don't know what to do. She is the one who can talk about feelings, not me, I have no clue how to talk about that. And honestly I don't really want to either. Before I can say anything, she says something. "It was very nice of you to come see me, but I think you should go now. My sisters going to wake up soon and I still need to go to the store to go grocery shopping." She says.
So wait, now she's pushing me away, what's up with that? I scoff, "yeah sure, whatever". She was walking to her door again, but when she heard my answer she turned around. "Hey don't do that San, I'm not lying, I really do need to do some things. We can talk about things later."
This is all new territory for me, so I don't really know how to react. Maybe I should go home, maybe some space will do us both good. But space for what? I don't really know. But she asked, so it won't be meaningful to stay and try to get something out of her, she wouldn't say anything, I know that much. So I'm walking past her, through the door and downstairs. I'm not running, but she has some difficulty to catch up to me. Just because I decided to listen to her demand, doesn't mean I'm not mad at how she's dealing with this. I stop when I'm at her front door and look her way. "See you tomorrow?" I ask, because I don't know if she'll come to school or not. "Yeah probably, I think my sister will be able to go back to school." She answers. "Okay bye." I answer shortly, and I open the front door and walk back to my car.
When I'm in my car again, I look back to Brittany who's standing at the door. She has a depressing look on her face, but with a hint of a small smile in the corner of her lips. I'm starting to feel guilty, but I shrug it off. She kissed me for god sakes, and then blew it off a few seconds after, not the other way, so she should be the one explaining things. When I'm driving away from her, I can't stop the tiny smile that's starting to form on my lips. Because there's still a lot of talking we need to do, but we just shared our first kiss. And it was heavenly.
Wait a minute, I asked her a question before we kissed, why did she avoided that? Damn it, I let her distract me. She wouldn't go as far as kissing me, without feelings, just for distracting me would she? Ow no, what is happening. I don't know anything anymore. She wanted to kiss right? Please don't let it be a distraction manoeuvre without something more, that would be cruel. Well I guess it would be cruel if she knew how much she means to me, which she doesn't. Not really. Everybody has a brick wall, mine is the one about personal feelings. And fear of being rejected I guess. But there's a more important matter, what was that interaction between her and her dad? And why did she lie about something like the cheerleading, if that can't really give any harm to parents?
Maybe I'm sure of one thing, there's something seriously wrong happening with Britt, and I want to get to the bottom of it. Because as I'm starting to think about it, small things from our past, there are starting to come too many coincidences in a row to be random. Maybe Britt isn't as clumsy as she seems to be, that person she told us that hurted her in the store, did she met them more than once? Did she tell us the truth and is she just clumsy? Does she feel unhappy? She wouldn't hurt herself would she? Maybe it does hurt her what other people tell about her in school (she always tells me she doesn't care about that, as long as she has real friends who don't think that about her)? I'm going to find out what is happening with her, even if it's the last thing that I do.