Chapter 4

Flashbacks Santana's POV

First day of high school

I'm grumpy. It's the first day of the new school year and I don't like it. Why does summer vacation has to go by so quickly, which is two full months, but one week of school feels like an eternity? If you were still wondering, I hate school, I really really hate school, with every fibre in my body.

It's not because of a particular reason really. I have great grades, which take some effort, but it's not like I need to stay up until ghost o'clock to study. In middle school I've had some friends, not the most authentic friends, but some who've had my back anyway.

And okay, now I'm going to high school, and it's given me a lot more nerves than I'd ever admit out loud, but I know in a few weeks those nerves will be away. It just takes a lot of effort to climb the high school pyramid to the top to be excluded from bullying and unhappy schooldays.

I mean unhappy as in I'm lonely (which there is nothing wrong with, if you like to be by yourself in school, then fine by me, I admire people who do that. It makes them look really confident and it's brave to do. But only if you like to be alone. I feel a bit sorry if you can see on that persons face they don't want to be alone). Anyway, I'm losing my point.

Unhappy as in I will never ever like school. So does that make me unhappy? I don't really know. I just know I'm counting the days until I can get out of this 'stupid little small town, too pathetic to even be called a town' Lima and go somewhere else.

It's a shame though, because my parents are awesome. I don't want to leave them all by themselves. The only thing is that they're really religious. There's nothing wrong with that. It just makes me hide things from them, like they have no clue I've already kissed some guys and had a first sip of alcohol already. I guess I could live my life a bit more free if I wouldn't live with them anymore. But they're also very warm people who love me. So yeah, I've still got some things to figure out before I just pack up all my things and leave Lima forever.

So I started with telling you I'm grumpy, because it's the first day of high school. I don't think I need to give you more explanation than that. There is one light point though, I don't have my period yet. Ever since I've had them, I've wished I didn't have them on crucial days on school, because it can be so annoying and stressful to have your period during school, or during activities outside of your home. But I'm especially grateful for it, since apparently the cheerio's try out from McKinley high school is also on the first day of school. And there's nothing worse than working out with period cramps and the feeling of blood spilling out of you during one of your splits or jumps.

I don't really understand what the rush for these try-outs are. Maybe it's to filter the ones who don't have the mindset of training on the first day or whatever. I've heard already that the coach of the cheerleading team is a one of kind perso ..., not in the positive way.

"Ola Santanita, ready for your first day?" My dad asked me. My eyebrows shoot up from surprise of seeing my dad in the kitchen "You're still here, aren't you working on this hour of the day already?" He gestures to me to give him a hug which I gratefully take. "I know, but it's a special day, for my special daughter, so I thought I'd take some time off to give you a ride to school, so your mom could have time to make a grand breakfast without needing to rush to her job" He says to me, a bit muffled because of our hug.

My mom comes from out of the living room and smiles warmly to the scene that's taking place before her. "Quit stalling and come eat. The food is getting cold and we don't want our little Santana to be late for her first day of school." I roll my eyes a bit "you both know I'm not so little anymore. And dad, thank you for staying a bit longer home, but you know there wouldn't be a problem if you'd just give me a car myself. And thank you too mom, I really didn't feel like getting up, but a special made breakfast does make things a bit more bearable." I smile friendly at them both and mom comes to join the hug that was coming to an end.

My dad laughs loudly at my response and tells me "We all know you're too young to drive your own car. You have a perfectly good bike to ride yourself to school with. We just thought it'd be nice to drop you of at school for once." After that we're all walking to the dinner table and start eating. It was very nice of my mom to make this, there are multiple things to eat, pancakes, home made yoghurt, oatmeal with milk, huevos Rancheros (that's sort of like eggs with beans, it's a Mexican meal), and of course some left outs from yesterday.

My mom gives me a kiss on the cheek and a good luck today, after we're all finished with breakfast and we've all brushed our teeth. My dad's already standing in the hallway making noise with his car keys. "Almost ready Santana, we both have somewhere to be today". "Yes papi, I'm ready".

I'm stepping out of the car when we've arrived at McKinley. "Bye Santana, have a good first day at school. Be nice and don't get in any fights, two times in middle school is enough of a lifetime for your parents." My dad says and then winks while driving away.

God, they'll never forgot those things. It sucks that teachers can talk with your parents. I know I sometimes can seem a bit rude to others, but I just try to be honest. And those fights were totally explainable. One was sort of a bet, but ever heard of peer pressure? If all your friends say that with your small exterior there's no way you could hurt someone, wouldn't you feel the need to prove otherwise? And the other one was because there were some boys who were talking badly to another boy, and you could see he felt really bad. So I helped him out, it's not my fault the bullies started to fight back.

Whilst I'm walking to the school entry I see some boys already gawking at me. I know I'm hot, so it's nice to get that confirmed. Just wait until I'm in the cheerleading team, apparently that makes you part of the top of the pyramid. I don't really care that much about it, but it could bring me easy access to some boys. And I know my parents would be happy if I'd find someone, in a forever kind of way, because apparently lord knows you don't need to kiss someone and be together for a while to realise you're meant to be together. They would never pressure me, but to be completely honest with you, I'm starting to get some doubts about wanting to be with a boy. But lord knows (the same one?) what'd happen if I would tell that at home.

Great, the lessons are done for the day, it was okay, they always go easy on you on the first day. Although there's always one teacher who just loves to start early, which was English lit this year. We already need to choose a book to read and made groups to give a presentation that we'll need to present in a few weeks! It's September the first, gives us a break! Anyway, now I'm walking to the gym for cheerios practice. Whilst I'm walking I see a blonde person nearing me. "Hey, Quinn, also joining the cheerleading team?" I ask her. She gives me a half smile "Yep, guess we're not rid of each other yet." She smirks at me.

For some reason Quinn and I have been in the same school and class since we were small. I wouldn't exactly call us friends, but we tolerate eachother from time to time. And we know more things of each other than a regular class mate. We know we both feel a bit insecure about being alone in school, and it can make us both a bit more of a bitch then we are, so I guess we have that in common.

I roll my eyes back at her "come on, I don't think we want to be late for our first practise, I've heard half of the new ones get kicked out after the first day." Something flickers behind her eyes "Well then we better hurry, if we get in the Cheerios, our status will be our protection for the rest of our school carriers." We walk through the doors together, and for the rest of practise we stay a bit by each other, but we don't speak that much.

I'm guessing we'll be each other back up in school, like that person who you know you can go to if you can't find anybody to stand with.

When practise is done, sixteen girls were already kicked out, and 11 have cried. Sue Sylvester is one cruel person, I don't know why anyone could find her entertaining. Although she does make some good oneliners (which I'll remember if I ever need to defend myself to other people in school). I'm hesitant to hurry out of the locker room, because I saw someone during practise. Unfortunately she was at the other side of the gym, but she catched my eye for some reason, so I'm hoping I'll see her in the locker room.

I'm in luck, the locker she got a few minutes ago is not far from mine, and I see her drinking from her water bottle. She's the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. She's tall, with her blonde hair neatly tucked in a ponytail, a body, only possible to have if you work out every day. I'm waiting until she looks back to me, and oh boy, she actually does look up to me. Her eyes, it's like they are looking directly into your soul. Normally I'd freak out about that a lot, ain't nobody needs to see my innerside without my permission. But I really don't care at this second, she seems amazing. I want to get to know her, so I guess I'll try to introduce myself. Maybe get her to sit with me and Quinn. Either way I want to get to know her.

Second month of high school – Santana's POV

"Come on Brittany, why do you want to quit so badly? Despite her ruthlessness, she does accomplish an amazing routine." I ask/sigh to her.

Since the first school day, Quinn, Brittany and I started to get along. It turns out I don't mind being around Quinn, I even consider her a friend now, not just a classmate anymore, who by chance was in the same class for all my life (which in my perspective is called stalking, although she doesn't see it that way). The three of us are not that close, we all have some other friends, and we mostly see each other on practises, which is three times a week, so that's quite a lot. But besides practises we leave each other alone, there's not really a particular reason for it, just not many classes in common and yeah, it is what it is, you can't force people to be with each other. I don't mind, it's all right the way it is.

It's the same with the dynamic between Brittany and I for the moment, we have no classes together (which sucks, what sort of stupid coincidence is that), and she's a lot with a guy named Mike, her best friend from middle school. But I really like Brittany, beside her natural beauty, she's amazing on the inside too. She has this unique look on the world, and whilst some still call her a child, I call it an optimistic beautiful way of looking to the world. She's also very nice and wants to really get to know you. You know some friends you tell a story too, and you don't really get the impression they're really listening. If Brittany listens to you, she really listens. She has so much good in her, and she hopes the best for other people. She's just, ugh, I don't know, she's the picture of a saint. And she's not being a saint because she'll get something back from it, she's a saint because she really wants to do the good thing.

Sometimes I wish I'd be more like her, I don't care as much as her about other things and persons, call me selfish, but I think it just makes me human. Brittany is much more an exception then me, lots of people are like me, only thinking from your own perspective. The difference is that one person hides it and the other doesn't, but in our centre we're all a bit self-centered, and that's okay I guess, I don't think you'd survive otherwise. Heck, the world around you wouldn't survive if we wouldn't be that way, it's what defines us for being human.

But anyway, back to the present. Brittany is standing in the locker room after a brutal practise, where Sue yelled at someone (which isn't uncommon, that girl did quit though, that's not that common. You would think after two months, people already decided for themselves that they just would let it roll over them, all the insults and all that, but I guess not all). And now she tells me and Quinn that she's considering to quit the cheerios, because she won't tolerate the way Sue acts. She feels like she's supporting her behaviour by being a Cheerio.

The first thing I feel is fear. Firstly because I don't want to miss her, this practice is the only thing that makes us see each other. Secondly because the downside of being in the Cheerios is that you're known through the school. And Brittany can seem a bit less intelligent sometimes in the way she expresses herself, and she's starting to get called out for that. I don't think she's not intelligent, it wouldn't surprise that if we would hang out more, that I'd discover she's even a lot smarter than most people are around here. It doesn't seem like she cares about being called out. But I don't know, I would feel hurt, so I make sure that people who talk badly about her get to have a conversation with Snixx.

Snixx is my bad personality, which I blame for every 'bad' thing I do or say. She's mostly seen when somebody dares to hurt someone close to me. And since it's only the beginning of the first year that rumours and bad comments are a thing in high school, she hasn't been in contact with them that much yet. But I'm afraid Brittany could be at the bad side of mean words. The fact that she's in cheerios makes her a bit more protected for those rumours. We've all never been slushied, hell I lie if I say I've never slushied someone before, it's like part of the welcome to the cheerleaders party. But if she would quit the cheerios, well I'm afraid what the consequences for her would be.

So yeah, I don't agree with this at all, I want her by my side. Plus, she told me she likes to cheerlead, dancing even more, so I don't think any person is allowed to be in the way of something she likes to do. So if I find a way to convince her to stay, I'd do it partly for me, but also for her, because I know she loves cheerleading. The circumstance are just not ideal.

"Yeah, I agree with Santana on this one, and that's not that common. You shouldn't quit the Cheerios because of our coach. We learn a lot by being on this squad, and the company isn't bad either. If you just let her insults go one ear in and the other one out then there isn't really a problem is there?" Quinn raises her eyebrows up when she's asking that question.

Brittany raises her eyebrows too: "What do you mean, sound waves can't go through your brain from one ear to the other. Or wait, now that you say that, I'm not sure. Maybe we should pour some water in one ear and see where it'll come out." I chuckle on the inside, but Quinn looks annoyed, sighs and says: "It's a figure of speech Brittany. God, if I could get a nickel for every time I need to explain my sentences to you I'd be rich… No offense." I glare at Quinn and open my mouth to let Snixx free, but Brittany beats me to speaking. "Non taken, but anyway back to the subject. I get what you guys are trying to say, I think. And you're right, you can't let bullies win. But I just, I don't know, I really really don't like Sue. I never say I hate someone, but I think I'd make an exception for her, and that is saying a lot.

Quinn sighs and starts to walk out of the locker room. "Look Britt, think it through, I'll support your decision, I just hope you'll stay in the squad, we make a great team, the 3 of us. I think we could be head and co-captains of the team by the end of this year. And maybe you will have more power to do something about coach Sue's behaviour in that position then when you're just another person in this school for her." Brittany seems to really mull that information around in her head "I'll think about it, but I can't ensure you I'll stay. But I got to go now, I need to pick up my sister from the drawing academy. San are you coming, your car is parked to mine right? See you both tomorrow at practice Quinn.". she waves at Quinn "Yeah see you Britt, you too Santana." I scoff a bit, still not really over her little comment on Brittany "yeah whatever." She doesn't react to that anymore, I guess we're used to a passive-aggressive behaviour on each other by now.

When we hear the door closing I try to make eye contact with Brittany again. She seems to be in her head. "Britt? What are you thinking?" She takes a deep breath in "I don't know San, I was really convinced to quit the Cheerios, but now I'm not so sure anymore, I wasn't expecting these reactions from you guys. Why do you care so much?" for a second there I'm a bit speechless "Uhm, because you're a great person to be with, and even though I mean it when I say you shouldn't make a decision where Sue is a factor. But selfishly I like to be with you a lot. And if you would quit the cheerleading team, then what?"

There's a pause in her step. She's looking at me now. It's like she's trying to calculate whether I'm speaking the truth or not. Which is a bit strange, why would she be insecure about this, she knows I like our friendship right? She's like the only person I haven't been yelling at or insulted or whatever. "do you mean that? You don't need to tell me that if you don't mean it. I'm a big girl, you wouldn't hurt my feelings." I don't hesitate for a second "Of course I mean that, I wouldn't lie to you about that." I pause a second "do you like to be in my company too?"

She snaps her eyes really quickly to mine "Of course I do, there's no doubt about that! I like you really much, like a lot. Mike is my best friend, but you're like my special friend." I frown a bit, because I have no clue what she means by that. Normally I'm pretty good at understanding her, but now I'm a bit lost. Wait… Special, would she.. I mean.. would she maybe, possibly have romantic feelings for me? Or is that not at all what she meant.

Oh god, I'm so confused right now. How can I find out what she meant by that without revealing to much if it isn't the case that she has a crush. Because that would just make things awkward. "San? What are you thinking?" I see her shuffling through her bag, probably looking for her car keys. When she found them she opens her car, and starts staring at me again. Probably because I haven't said anything for a minute or two.

I take a deep breath and try to be brave, she told me that once before, be brave. Something about her cat being addicted to drugs, and in order to be able to help him, she had to be brave to confront him with his problems. It's the only way to solve things sometimes. "What if.. (I'm standing perfectly still now and taking a deep breath in) what if, when you promise me you'll try at least one more month to stay in the squad… I'll give you… (oh god, I'm loosing my braveness) a really good massage."

Just jump in your own dugged hole right now Santana, you're a coward. Come on: " … and a kiss." There I said it. And now I don't dare to look at her. I do hear some movement coming my way. "Did you just say a kiss?" She didn't stutter for one moment, I don't know how. I'm feeling myself starting to blush, good thing you can't see that on ethnic people, there's a plus. "Yyeah, I mean, only if you want of course."

It's quiet for a long while after that. When I'm feeling a bit less embarrassed, I put my head up to look at her. Her sparkling blue eyes are boring into mine, telling a thousands words, without any language, and unfortunately I don't have her dictionary yet, so I can't really translate what she's feeling right now.

"Okay." I choke a bit in my own saliva (apparently I'm not embarrassed enough already) at that. "Wait really? You'll stay in the cheerios?". Brittany takes a step back, since we stood very closely when I wasn't looking at her. "Well yeah, I mean you and Quinn did make sense. And I can't really say no to a good massage right? And yeah, I mean…" Her sentence dies down after that. What does she mean? What does she want? How did she understand my message? I have no fucking clue for the moment.

It's deathly quiet around us, by now even detention is finished and we're one of the only people left in the school parking lot. There's are some street lamps giving a bit of light, but it's not bright to see us from a distance. And there, before me, stands Brittany, a bit awkwardly, not really knowing how to act for some reason. What does she expect now? Would I be allowed to kiss her? I don't know if I'm ready for that myself. But the money I would give to able to kiss her. I would lie if I'd say that I didn't thought about it. I am a teenager after all. And sure, I've already kissed some boys, but it doesn't make me feel that much.

I shuffle a bit closer to Brittany and she keeps still. I see no fear in her eyes so I dare to walk to right in front of her. When she still doesn't really react I say something "So, I guess I should give you that kiss then right?" She gives a small chuckle "Yeah I guess you should." After her confirmation I start to lean forward, until I'm a few centimetres before her head and I feel peaceful for one second.

But then full on anxiety comes seeking in in my veins. Please not now. This is the most awful moment my anxiety could choose to show up. Shoot, Brittany is still standing before me. I can't kiss her now, what if she'll reject me afterwards, or what if she tells me it didn't mean anything for her. I can't do this. So I chicken out. I give her a kiss on the cheek, and I can't resist to linger there for a few seconds. But then I slowly start to back away until I'm a former meter away from her (it took all my willpower to not just jump ten meters away).

"Alright, so that's solved, remind me of that massage someday. But I need to go now. See you tomorrow Brittany." And then I practically run out of the room. The last I see of her is her putting a hand on her cheek and looking peaceful yet confused. But I'm not sure, maybe that's just my wishful thinking brain that is thinking that. Probably, since your brain only predicts things, you can't really know for sure if you concluded the things you saw with your eyes. So yeah, that went great, if you think that bad situations are a great thing. I'm a coward if it comes to this. That was the first and last time you saw me making a move on Brittany.

She's straight, and she deserves a really great guy on her side. Not me, not some arrogant, bitchy girl. No, not me. I'll leave that part alone. From now on I'll act like her friend and I'll be her friend. Nothing more. And okay, I still have that crush, I'll just have to learn how to live with it and ignore that.

God, I should have just told her the truth and asked her out or something.

The day after when practise began, it was like nothing ever happened. She didn't quit (which I was really happy for, a small part of me was afraid she'd still quit). And when we started a conversation with eachother, it wasn't awkward, but she didn't start about what happened yesterday, so I always ignored it. Probably for the best anyway. I'm just happy she's still here.

Whilst we're still talking a bit during our run at the start of practise (we run at almost the exact same tempo), I see Quinn starting to run besides us for a bit. "Glad you came Brittany, I don't think I would've survived practise with only Santana here, you have a way of keeping her a bit more calm and you're like the peacekeeper in our little group." I won't even react to that, and I see Brittany just gives a small chuckle. After that we don't talk that much, we're still running after all, you have periods of not talking anyway.

Quinn saying those few sentences were the only things that were said about that day for the rest of the school year.

First meeting at home – last Friday before fall break

I close my locker a bit more aggressive then needed. "uh, could she be any more harder on us? I feel like my legs will fall of at any moment. Why do we need to run so much in the first place? Cheerleading almost never involves running. It sure as hell doesn't involve 10 km runs!" I open and close my locker a second time for effect. "Even this motion is asking to much energy from me, I can't …" "Oh shut up Santana, it's not like this was the first time this happened. And blame Brittany, she's the one who made Sue go in tiran-modus. If she wouldn't have sprained her wrist, we wouldn't have to run the whole practise." My eyes snap dangerously quick to Quinn at her comment. "Don't you even dare blame this on Brittany. She fell during a dance practise and Sue made it into Brittany personal attacking her and being ungrateful to be in the squad. She would have made us run eitherway. I've heard the seniors talking that she does this every break, to remember that we have a body to maintain during vacations."

When I was saying this, I was starting to corner her. Nobody speaks bad about Brittany, not even Quinn. Out of the corner of my eyes I see Britt crumpling down a little bit. "Guys, stop the violence. Don't fight over me, focus on the break. A full week without Sue." Quinn sighs at that "You're right, sorry Britt, that was inappropriate. How is your wrist doing by the way?" I jump into the conversation, letting Quinn walk away from me "yeah how is it? Does it hurt a lot?". She sweeps her arm in the air to show us the bandage "no it's okay, I've had worse. The running didn't do that much good about it, but at least she didn't make me do any push ups or something, that would've been really bad."

I roll my eyes at that "yeah wow, maybe she does care a little bit about our pains." Quinn scoffs at that "or maybe she doesn't want one of her best cheerleaders being longer injured then necessary when we have a qualification in a few weeks." Yeah, she's right, that's probably the case. Anyway, Britt's right, schools officially over for a week, we should celebrate. "Hey guys, want to meet up after school to hang out a bit?" the question is out of my mouth before I can think. Sometimes I need to think more before I speak, I don't want them to start thinking I'm a big softy or something.

Brittany makes a little jump at that. "Yes, awesome idea, when and where?" I give a small smile at that "wherever you want." At that her demeaner falls down a little bit "Well, would it be okay if it wasn't at my place? It's just, my parents are busy a lot and my sister is a big attention seeker whenever someone new is around." I frown a little bit at that, but it doesn't really matter, my parents never mind when someone comes home. And I didn't mean to invite myself to her house, I hope she doesn't think that was my intention. "Ow no, of course Britt, I didn't try to invite myself over. You can both come to my place, my parents are at work anyway until late this evening.".

Quinn bumps into the conversation, sounding sort of excited (well excited in Quinn Fabray fashion, which isn't that obviously excited) "Yeah, cool, maybe we can do a sleepover? I would offer my house too, if you can survive my white ugly Christian decorated house. Right San, that's what you called?" Britt gives me a disappointed look and walks over to Quinn. "I love your house Quinn, when I went over the other day for that group work, it was so tidy and nice at the same time."

"Yeah yeah, we all love Quinn's house, but you're all welcome to sleep over at my house."

"Okay great, I'll pack some things and meet you there, bye." And Quinn's gone to her car, she always finds the best places to park close to the school. It's not like she's so much more early then me or Britt, but she always gets so lucky. Me and Britt still need to do some walking to our cars. "Thanks for the invite San, I think it's going to be fun, I think. I'll just redo my bandages at home and then I'll come to your place too. Ow text the address in our group chat?" When she gets to her car she gives me a small salute (cute!) and drives away.

Yes, this is going to be fun. And it was, even with Quinn, I think the fundamentals of an unbreakable band started that evening. It also made me discover during a game of truth or dare that Brittany had her wrist already broken twice, her shoulder disfractured three times and a broken foot, all because of being clumsy. From then on I was always on alert when we needed to go down some stairs, or kitchen knives, or …walls apparently. And no dancing in small rooms! She made me promise she'll never do that again. It gave her back pain for a full three weeks in Novembre that one time.

March – Tuesday – midday

"What's up with Brittany? She's being even more quiet and unalert then otherwise?" Quinn asks me while putting her plate down on the table. Since Christmas break we started to sit together during lunchbreak. Not every time, but the cheerleaders tend to have the habit of eating together, but us three are always a pack on its own. We're starting to have an unbreakable reputation of power. I hope next year, when we'll be captains, our reputation will be great, and nobody will dare to touch us.

I frown at her question. Because she's right, Brittany was really down when I first saw her this morning, she didn't really say much and it looked like she could cry at any moment. "I don't know Q, let's ask her when she's here." And speak of the devil, Brittany just walks in from her math class, picks up a tray at the lunch bar and gets her food presented. Excuse me, I called it food, that was a bit too optimistic. School food is like poison, to keep you from rebelling too much, and it tastes awful. When she's served, she turns around and starts looking for us, I guess. When I give her a wave, I only get a small smile in return and she mouths an apology whilst pointing to Mike.

I think my mouth almost fell open. "What?! Since when did she start eating with Mike again? I thought we were a pack, no exceptions? Now I know something is seriously wrong?" I almost yell in Quinn's face. Quinn frowns her eyebrows "calm down Santana. She's allowed to eat with her best friend, it is a bit weird, since she normally eats with us, but maybe there's something wrong with Mike? And maybe that's why she's been so sad today?" I give a little grunt, she's not taking my bait to start a discussion. "hmmph, I don't know, I'll talk to her later, somethings wrong, I can feel it." "Aww, Satan feels something, I didn't know you were capable of that." She says in a sort of baby voice. I cross my arms at that (which isn't really helping her teasing) "whatever, I want this day to be over already".

/ end of schoolday – parking lot

"Hey Britt, wait up." I almost fall over my own feet at trying to catch up with her. I take a quick 360° look over, to check nobody saw me (almost) fall, but fortunately, I think I'm save. I see her turning around, looking at me with an amused expression. "Hey San, careful there, I know I'm the clumsy one of the two, but don't try to make it into a competition. I don't like to see you get hurt." I roll my eyes when I stop in front of her "Haha, very funny Britt. Same goes for you by the way, I never like to see you get hurt, I'm glad this school year looks like you haven't had a lot of bad luck, except that sprained wrist and back pain. But anyway, are you okay? You seemed … a bit off?"

At this question her expression changes to a really sombre one for a second, before she turns it into a neutral one. "yeah no, I'm okay. Sorry I didn't eat with you this midday, I didn't really feel like talking much." I worry a bit about that answer "you know you can always talk to me right? This friendship isn't a one way street." I bump my elbow softly with hers and I get a small laugh out of her. She gives me a calculated look after that and gives a small sigh "It's my father. He lost his job…" "I'm sorry Britt, I remember you told me he finally found a nice job this year. What happened?" She kicks on a small rock while answering "I don't know the details. And I mean, we're fine, my mom's a successful lawyer, financially we can definitely survive. It's just.. my dad really loved that job. And he can get so … restless at home."

I'm a bit at a loss for words. I'm terrible at comforting people. But this is Brittany, come on Santana, do something. Give her a hug. Yeah I'll do that. Sometimes words mean nothing, and hugs mean everything, she said that once to me. So I don't answer verbally, I just give her a hug, and it feels like we stood in each others arms in the parking lot for ten minutes. She smells so good, wow and her neck, it's so kissable. What kind of shampoo would she use? What .. wait nope, not now, she's sad Santana, what kind of human being are you for thinking about this right now. She's so sad, I get that she's always so protective about her family. Well she doesn't really talk about them a lot, but especially her sister, nobody dares to say a bad word about her, she's very protective like that.

We haven't really talked a lot about our parents yet to eachother. That's like a whole new level of friendship right? We'll see when that happens, but if her reaction to her dad losing his job is making her feel so sad, then she must love her parents very much.

After another five minutes she takes a deep breath in and lets go of me. "Thank you Santana, I really needed that. See you tomorrow?" I'm still standing like an idiot on five legs who doesn't really understand how to move them properly, when she's stepping up in her car. "yeah, I'm here Britt. See you tomorrow." I give her an encouraging smile one last time and turn around when her car drives away. When I walk to my car I almost bump into a pole that they put in parking lots to prevent you from driving in that direction. She's right, I'm starting to get more clumsy, but it's always when she's on my mind. Sometimes when I act around her, I feel like that chicken from that movie she showed me on another sleepover we had with Quinn, it was called moana or something. I didn't admit it then, but that chicken made me laugh so hard. Anyway, I hope she'll feel better soon, and that her dad'll find a new job soon I guess.

Last day of school before summer vacation

It's a good thing Brittany stayed in the squad. She started agreeing on us that if you didn't give Sue that much attention then that made her more frustrated, but it didn't make her behaviour worse. So perhaps we were teaching her a lesson that it isn't always the best way of interacting with your students. Although I think Sue will still have a really long way of getting to look at herself and see how bad her behaviour is. I almost feel for our principal and for the next generations who'll need to work with her.

It's Monday evening and practise is almost over. I am so happy right now, school is almost over, only four more days and I get to be free again for two months. You'd think with the final exams Sue would give us a break, but nooo, 'you have two full months of laziness to catch up to next year, so as long as I have you in my power, I'll keep training your lazy asses until you fall down, exams be damned'. But don't ever try to skip an exam, she keeps an eye on us like a hawk, apparently education is important too. Well Sue, give us freeking studying time instead of working us to the bone these last weeks!

Ow, I cover my ears because Sue's microphone is beeping on that annoyingly high frequency tone. "All right group of girls I can call a team now, seems like I've achieved something this school year. At least now you can outrun those big-headed football players when on track. But don't let it get to your head, next year I won't be so nice as this one, you're brains are al the size of a peanut and your body conditions are barely acceptable, and this year was just a warming up. And for clarity, whoever decides to not come to the latest practise on Friday should be starting to look after a new school to go to, you've been warned"

I roll my eyes at that and start walking to Quinn and Brittany who were already waiting for me. Ever since Brittany decided to stay at the cheerios, we've started to always walk together before and after practise. It's like this strange ritual we've made.

But before we can start to walk to the locker rooms we hear our names being called by Sue. "Quinn Fabray, Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce, give me 30 push ups and come to me, whoever is second, 10 more, and whoever is last will have to give me 30 more." Quinn and I immediately start our push ups, whilst I see Brittany waiting. I puff "Brittany … why … aren't you … starting?" She sushes me and after five seconds answers : "I thought I saw Lord Tubbington flying, in that cloud and I was going to mis it if I started already. Plus I don't mind doing push ups that much, so I'll let you guys win this one.

I don't give her an answer to that, since I'm racing Quinn, I can't force her to this race, besides it's already too late for her. Quinn and I are at Sue's foot at exactly the same time. We don't really talk and wait until Brittany is ready with her push ups. "And that's why I won't make you captain of this team tall blondie. You need to be ruthless, not being nice to others." I bit my tongue after that, because it's Sue and I don't know her game for this moment. But Quinn thought otherwise : "What are you saying coach?" Don't interrupt my monologue other blondie." The look Sue gives Quinn is one where in a movie fire and explosions would take place after Quinn because of the furiousness Sue is sending her way.

"I was saying, you three weren't that awful this year, and I'm sure you're aware our captain is a senior, so I need a new one. I thought about it, and I've decided to make you two (she points her finger to Quinn and Santana) co-captains. You'll keep eachother on your toes, like a good healthy competition. The rival and friendship between you two is both admiring and pathetic. And I'm guessing you won't kill each other for that spot, since there is some sort of affection for each other. (we both glance at each other and look away immediately). So that'll make my job less hard, since you'll annoy the crap of out each other yourselves, as captains. And you Brittany can be choreographer of the group, of course everything goes through me, but I've seen your attempt at dancing, and if I look at the others of the group, well they're worse, so the job is yours. Now go, don't get this into your head, I have seven back up plans and a phone number who's willing to let people disappear, so don't mess up or I'll need to have a phone conversation with someone about you… You're still standing here, I can smell the teenage angst in the air and it's making me sick. And you're already starting to make me regret this choice … GO"

I think we've never been more in sink then in that moment as we start walking/running away to the locker rooms. Quinn's the first one to say something : "Can you believe it, we've only been one year in the Cheerios and she's already given us the highest roles in the team. We must've made an impression on her. Our statuses on school are saved for the rest of high school." She tries to give me a high five, which uh I don't do that, so I leave her hanging and act cool "Yeah whatever, it's not like she wasn't going to give it to us, she's been watching us for the whole school year. But I guess that status can come in handy."

"Oh come on, don't leave me hanging Satan. Britt, come on, give me a high five, you got like a really big complement on your dancing skills, even though it sounded really offensive." Of course Brittany is too nice to ignore Quinn and high fives back. "Well I didn't really understand what she was saying, she lost me at the beginning. Like why call me tall blondie? I can't sing at all, and I'm pretty sure Blondie isn't that much smaller than me."

I gniffle a bit at that : "She didn't mean the singer blondie, she meant blondie as in your hair color is blond, and tall since Quinn's also blonde." She sighs "Okay, I guess that makes more sense. Anyway. I don't know if I really want to be head choreographer, I love dancing. But this just means working more with Sue, and I don't like that". I give her a side hug "Come on Britt, you've survived this year, and besides Sue you've enjoyed the cheerleading part right? Let's see how it goes next year and then you can decide what you'll do." She gives me a forced grin "Careful San, my back's killing me again, and my elbow still hurts a bit." I immediately let go of her, I don't want to hurt her "Shit sorry B, I forgot for a minute you fell again during dancing. Which may I remind you, it got worse again since a few weeks now, I feel like you're constantly having something that's hurting you. How's that possible?" she makes an awkward laugh at that "I guess a combination of bad luck and being in the clouds too much with my head, and then not being aware enough of my surroundings. But it's okay, change of subject please." She gives me a small bump, a hint that she's got enough of the conversation going on.

By now we're at the locker rooms and I make a small jump (also deciding I'll let it go … for now). "But before that, we're having summer vacation! What are you guys planning?" I ask Quinn and Brittany. Quinn is first to answer "Well, I'm going to help my mom in church camp for like almost the entire summer." I scrunch my nose at that "sounds boring, my parents asked the same thing, but I 'politely' reclined." She scoffs "yeah right, like you know how to politely decline anything. And I don't mind that much, I know a lot of people who go there, and we do get a lot of free time, so it won't be that bad. Besides, some other people from school will be there, like Finn, the quarterback." I roll my eyes, "all right, whatever. What about you Britt?"

She turns around since she's already putting on her home outfit, she always changes clothes at school. That'll be a routine she won't be able to do next year, if you have a special function in the team, you're prohibited by Sue to always wear it in school, even after practise when there isn't a living soul around anymore. I'm sure if she could, she would've command us to wear it all the time.

"uh, I don't really know yet. Probably hang out with my sister a lot. And dancing. Oh and I'm thinking of doing a Disney-movies marathon, with the sequels." I laugh a bit at that "Sounds interesting. Hey, feeling up to hanging out together during the summer for some times? Quinn you're welcome too of course, if you find the time." I see Brittany giving a bright smile back "That would be awesome San. You can watch the movies with me!"

Shoot, that was my own fault, I don't really like Disney. I guess that will be a battle I can't win. I won't really have much choice. "We'll see when the times there if I watch your movies with you. We can do other stuff too. You'll see, you're always welcome in my house. Maybe just sent a text and plan things more in the afternoon. I'm not a morning person, and when in vacation modus, I don't see mornings. Ever."

I hear Quinn chuckle behind me "Yeah S, like we didn't already know you're not a morning person." I scoff back at her "You shut up, you're going to church camp." She turns around and starts walking away "whatever you say Santana, see you both tomorrow." She waves at Brittany and walks away. In the mean time I see Brittany's already ready too. "You good San? I'll see you tomorrow too. And it's going to be fun to meet during summer, I bet we'll be the bestest of friends when school starts again."

When is see her skipping out of the room, I can't ignore the beaming smile on my face. It sticks with me the whole ride home.

Summer vacation – first time meeting Brittany's parents

My hand palms are a bit sweaty. I'm standing at the door of Brittany's house. I'm a bit stressed for meeting her family. The first time she met my parents they immediately bonded and she became like almost a second daughter already. No wonder, with a charming smile like her. But I value family so much, and I'm guessing Brittany too. So I want to give a good first impressions to her parents. They are the people who raised such a wonderful person, so they must be as good as her right? All right, enough hesitating for now, knock on the freaking door Santana.

Knock, knock, knock

It doesn't take three seconds for the door to open. I see Brittany standing there, smiling like she just saw her favourite duck eating bread out of her hands. "Hey San, I was wondering how long you'd stand at the door. No stress, my parents are really looking forward to meet you. Come in." at her comment I blush a little bit, but I hide it well (I think). Anyway, I'll try to change the topic "Hey Britt, how's your head, still feeling dizziness?"

A few days ago when we met in the park we played a bit on the swings but she became sick and admitted to me she hit her head the day prior because she miscalculated a jump in a dance choreo, so she was still feeling a bit dizzy. And it's never wise to combine dizziness with swings, or rollercoaster, or anything in that genre. She gives me a small hug (I cheris every last one of them) and answers in my shoulder "It's allright, thanks for asking. It's almost completely gone now, don't worry." She pulls lightly on my arm once the hug is over "Come on, I'll show you downstairs and then I can show you my room".

… "So this is the kitchen, and .." I see another person half turned around the corner, that must be her sister. They don't look anything alike. She told me short ago that her mother divorced her biological father a really long time ago. So her sister, Charlotte, is from her biological mother and her now stepfather. But she doesn't really remember her biological father, they've split up a year after she was born. Charlotte's cute eitherway, I think Brittany told me she was 8 years old. "Hey Charlotte, come here, meet my friend I told you about, don't be afraid, she doesn't bite. Well at least not literally" that last sentence she whispers to me, with a wink. She likes teasing me about my Snixx and how she can be really mean. I don't think it's only teasing, maybe it's also her way of saying she doesn't really appreciate that.

I see Charlotte walking toward us really slowly. She's so cute, uhm I mean child-being like. At the last few meters she runs over to Brittany and looking curiously to me while she's for the most part standing behind Britt. I decide to bow a bit, to get to her hight, maybe she's also a bit afraid about that. I can be intimidating, I know that, it's part of the reason why I'm so high on the school pyramid. "Hey Charlotte, Brittany told me lots of things about you. We recently saw frozen, and she told me it's your favourite movie of all times. And I must admit, it's not bad."

The moment she hears the word frozen, it's like she unfreezes (haha, got my joke. Wow, can you imagine being in my head 24/7, those jokes are like hidden in a dark corner somewhere, thank god I'm not letting them out at school, my whole bitch-personna would be gone). "I love frozen, Brit and I are like them, best sisters ever". Brittany crouches down at that and lifts Charlotte up "yes we are little angel. You're the bestest princess in the world, and I'm so lucky to be your sister. I love you."

Aw what a sweet interaction between those two. It kinda makes me wish for a sister or brother too. Nevermind, being an only child has his benefits too. But it looks (just like she told me a lot) like those two have an amazing bound, I love it. I hear someone walking from the hallway to the living room (which is connected to the kitchen). "Hello, you must be Santana?" It's her father, he gives me a friendly smile. "hello sir, yes I am, nice to meet you". He gives me a deep belly laugh "no need to call me sir young lady, it makes me feel old. Call me Jack. It's nice to meet you too. I hear you're the reason my daughter isn't failing her classes. Thank you for being such a great tutor to her. I must say, I'm impressed that you were willing to even tutor her in the summer vacation. And of course, I'm hoping you're taking enough breaks during this vacation. School isn't everything."

I give Britt a bit of a confused look, but she already started talking. "Hah, please dad, don't embarrass me. I've thanked her enough for learning me Spanish this vacation, and for all the tutoring during the school year." What is she talking about? I'm not learning her Spanish, she's doing that on her own. And sure yeah, I sometimes helped her with homework last year, but she helped me too?

I'm lost. Luckily for us, Charlotte decides to speak. "Papa, can I play with Santana and Brittany?" His attention focuses on his daughter. "of course munchkin, but if they ask you to leave, then you'll listen. I trust you listen to your sister all right?" then he focuses his attention on us. "Well it was nice to meet you, but now I need to go to work. Brittany, don't forget to give her something to eat or drink if she wants. And both of you, behave." He says this on a teasing tone, even rubbing his hands through Charlotte's and Brittany's hair. Hah, that's a bit strange, my father hasn't done that with me since I was 10. Maybe that was because I started telling everybody that I'm keeping razor blades in my hair.

When we hear the door close, Brittany's taking my hand (while still carrying Charlotte), and speaks on a lighter tone then before "come on San, I'll show you my room.

Most of the times we stayed at my house during summer vacation, but we had an awesome time. Although I've never found out what her father meant with that tutoring comment, she never gave me a straight answer about that.

Present

This is not even the beginning of memories that are running around in my mind. What facts am I missing about those stories in my memory?