Author's Note;

Before you read, a bit of an explanation. Fiction is just that: fiction. We read books, we play games, and our imagination plays with the variables to create our own fantasies and entertainment. While in the real world variables are a slight bit more stubborn and solid, in the world of fiction anything can change. People who would never have a relationship in canon can be a power couple within the fiction or head-canon of others. So, why am I bringing this up? Well, normally I'd just post and be done with it, but a bit ago I saw a post on a certain site about a romance mod for Cyberpunk. It was a post asking about a mod for an unintended romance partner for one of V's starting life paths (Judy), and a lot of people got bent out of shape because that was not within Judy's character or interests. Honestly, to me, it's fiction. Yeah, it's not canon, but neither is what the Sidon/Link shippers are doing in the Zelda community. Hell, there was even the exact opposite, a romance mod for the opposite V life path (Panam). With that understood, I say just let people have their fun. In canon, it never would happen. Just think of that playthrough or fanfic as an AU where it would. Just let people have their fun. Honestly, that's the reason we even do this stuff for the most part.

That being said, this does take a slight divergence from the canon, so please keep that in mind. You can probably already guess what the difference is based on the hints from the previous section. If before reading you do not like the idea of this version of the pairing, there's a simple solution I can recommend; you probably shouldn't read it, it's probably not your cup of tea. There are plenty of fics out there that keep to the canon relationships/relationship types, so you might enjoy those more. If you're comfortable with the idea of this kind of alternate pairing, well, the only thing I can say is I hope you enjoy it. This is going to likely only be a oneshot, but I'll keep it as incomplete in case I want to expand it more. In reality, the reason I'm writing this is due to the fact that I feel that, among its other flaws, that Cyberpunk's romance options were a bit...limited. Whether you wanted a gay, straight, or bi character, there were too few options IMO. It probably would have been better if the devs just let people romance who they wanted, and solidified canon after the fact. Not to mention, I did not like V's options for a partner. Anyway, I'll be honest, this is my first foray into romance, so I don't expect this to turn out that well. Hopefully, you'll be able to get some enjoyment out of this. So, without further delay, here it is:

-Gammazero-

-Night City Syndrome-

Judy Alvarez POV

Night City is said to be one of those places that changes everything when you start to really live there. You have to, otherwise the city chews you up and spits you out. Adapt or die, or something like that. There's also something else they say about this place, that it changes you specifically. What you once thought you knew for sure, you become uncertain of within a few years, a few months even. I never thought that would have happened to me; I knew who I was, what I wanted, and where I wanted to go. No one was gonna tell me what I wanted, and I already figured it out. That is, until a certain merc turned my life upside down.

I got a call from an old flame. It was Ev; little miss Evelyn Parker. Said she wanted me to do some work, cut a BD for her. We hadn't seen each other in a long while, but we were still on good terms, so I agreed. She asked to meet later on, to discuss the job "in-depth". A day later, she's back in my life, and it's both like she never left and like I've been missing her this whole time. She was like the sun in an inhaler, if that makes any sense. She was like a drug to me, one I was quickly finding out that I couldn't live without. Her sarcasm, her confidence, that smile of hers when she was up to no good. Damn, I never realized how much I missed her, how much I wanted her to stay. Somehow though, I knew it wouldn't last. Then, I met him.

The guy was a merc that Ev was working with; apparently she got together a team for whatever she was planning. He was about average height with wavy blue hair that reached down his neck. His eyes were implants, black sclera and white eyes with a slit. On his brow were a couple of piercings, but not too much to scream gaudy. His getup screamed biker or rocker-boy, but his attitude made me think he was a nomad. Off-bat I didn't like him, and I didn't trust him. How could I know that he didn't plan to hurt Evie, to fuck us over when this was all done and over? Reluctantly, I helped him out and allowed his netrunner friend in my systems. My first thought as soon as they started was "They better not fuck up my rig." They finished without any trouble, and were on their way. Evie and I discussed what would happen, and she assured me this would go off without a hitch. I should've fuckin' known that this was 'gonna go south.

A week later, Saburo Arasaka's murder is all over the news. It couldn't have been a coincidence that this happened the same time and place that the job was happening. To top it all off, Evie wasn't answering on the holo. The merc, V was his name, calls me and asks to speak to Evelyn. No fuckin way was I helping him; he got Evie into this shit. Then he shows up, unannounced, to the basement of Lizzy's askin' for my help. After a while of him trying to convince me, I realize he's about as lost as I am. Evie was the one who approached him, and the job she and that fatass DeShawn gave to V's group got everyone but him killed. Now he's lookin' for her help because if he doesn't, he'll be in deep shit. I give up, and decided to give him info on her.

For the next couple of days, we work together to try and find Evie. They actually have a bit in common, although in different ways. He's got a sarcastic streak, but his is more blunt and less biting or critical than hers. They both have confidence, but his comes off just a bit softer somehow, if that makes sense. He's also got a good sense of humor, albeit a weird one. He tends to be funny when he's not trying to be, and makes bad jokes on purpose to watch me suffer from how cringy and corny they are. What really gets me is just how kind and selfless he can be. I mean yeah, everyone in Night City is selfish to some degree, but I think he's the least selfish person I've met while here. He doesn't even bitch about how many errands I send him on between us looking for Evie. Before I know it, him and I are fast friends, and I feel like I can count on him for everything and anything. The "good times" come to an end pretty soon, though.

We found what happened to Evie. That sick fuck Woodman sold her off! She got hacked, and he sold her off to some scavs like she was 20-year old scrap! We did everything to find her, and found out she was being used for some sick XBD bullshit, "Deathshead Moth". My heart was racing when we got where we thought she was, and it broke the moment I found Evie. She was bloody, and looked like she was put through an industrial shredder. We got her out, took her to my place, and I thanked V for his help. I tried to help her, even dove into her head to see what happened….and then I got pissed. She got involved with the goddamn Voodoo Boys?! Those fuckers are known for using and throwing people away like used oil rags! How could she mess with a gang like that?! It was probably them that hacked her as revenge for her screwing them out of the chip they were after. I also found something…vile.

I saw what Woodman did after she was fried. I knew he was a disgusting slob, but I never took him to be a sick bastard, too. The things he did to her, I'd never say out loud. Later on, I had to leave to get food, and told Evie to stay put. I was only gone for an hour…..but that was all she needed. She took her own life; found her dead in the tub. I was shaking, and had no clue what to do, so I called the one person I could trust: V. He was there in 10 minutes flat, helped me carry her to my bed, and helped clean her up. It didn't matter though. She was gone. Just like that. The woman who was my sun, even if it wasn't official or was said to her, was gone. I never got to tell her how I felt. She was taken from the world, from me, and that left me feeling hollow on one end and vengeful on the other. I wasn't going to leave this be. Woodman was going to pay. Later, V and I gave that sicko the death he deserved; alone, shot in the head, in a dingy and dirty back alley.

Lots of things happened after that, and V was there every time to help. I felt myself becoming more and more attached to this stranger-turned-friend-turned-brother-figure that I only knew by chance. We became inseparable, or at least as it could get with his "situation". He even told me about the chip in his head and the Johnny Silverhand engram. That took a bit to fully digest. If sharing that piece of info didn't take trust, I don't know what would. Things were starting to look at least a little better, until some weird shit happened.

Eventually, I was able to get V to helped out with a job I put together. Long story short, we helped liberate Clouds from the Tiger Claws; it was the only thing I could think of doing to prevent sick fucks like Woodman from doing the same to those girls that happened to Evie. After the job was over, that's when I started noticing something weird. Little by little, some strange, uninvited thoughts started popping up in my head every now and then. I started thinking "V would look awesome in that jacket" when I would see one in a market I was passing through. Or I would start thinking "I wonder what V's up to right now" far too often than would be normal. When we would hang, if we were laughing, I'd stop and think "he's got a really nice smile". These weren't bad thoughts necessarily, so I didn't pay it any mind at first. However, they would start to get more frequent, and even more intense in nature. I wasn't bothered or disgusted by it, but it was starting to make me worried that I had a screw loose or something.

The last straw was when I was driving, and by chance caught sight of V talking to some nomad-looking girl in a big-ass truck. They seemed to be talking biz, but there was some one-sided flirting on her end. The way she looked at him, her posture and closeness to him, eye-fluttering and giggling, the usual. V seemed to just write it off as her being friendly, and while he was dense as a brick, I wasn't. I could see she was after him, interested in him. It was at that moment I had a thought, the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back: "That bitch isn't good enough for him!" Wait. Hold up. WHAT THE FUCK!? No, no fucking way, I know what that line usually means…was I.. jealous?

Let me start this off by getting the obvious out of the way; I'm a lesbian. I'm gay. Always have been, and never questioned it. My first crush was this girl whose doll I hid as a kid so I could get closer to her, and I never even considered guys as an option. It just was not my thing. I've had some guys show interest in me, but even if they were ok people in my book, I wasn't even remotely interested. I would just let them down easy by telling them I'm not into guys, and that was that. Out of all the times that's happened, never once did I ever reconsider how I felt about who and what I like. Yet now, out of the blue, I get these thoughts, and it's impossible for me to play it off anymore. All the little thoughts I'd have about him, wondering what he's doing, thinking he'd look good in that ripped synth-leather jacket I saw, loving how he'd sometimes say deep shit for no reason one second and then act like a doofus the next...they were starting to add up. It was at that point that the reality of what this meant occurred to me while I'm sitting in my van, and hits me like a lightning bolt:

"Oh shit…..do I have feelings for him? I…what…why…..HOW?!"

I speed back to my apartment, and immediately lock myself inside.

After this little realization, I spent the next three days face-first in several bottles of tequilla, sitting in the corner of my room, and reassessing my life and reality. It felt like a sort of unreal haze, like "There's no way this is happening; it's impossible, right?" That kind of feeling. Like everything you thought you knew about yourself was wrong. Yet no matter what I do, no matter how try to excuse it, I can't deny what I feel. At twenty-three years old, and after a lifetime of identifying as gay, I've fallen in love with a man. I laughed. I cried. I tried denial. But none of it worked. I caught feelings for V. It was so unbelievable, that I needed some good advice to help me through it. So I called one of my friends from Lizzie's, a Mox by the name of Rita….and that brings me to the present.

"Hey, it's Ritaaa-holy shit, Jude! You look like crap, what happened? Someone try to flatline you?" Tactful as ever Rita, but she's right. I haven't even looked at myself in the mirror for three days. I probably look like a hurricane hit me.

"Hey Rita. Got time to talk?"

"Sure girl, gimme a sec-" "Hey Suze, I'm takin' my lunch break! Yeah, Mateo will take over. He's got the new girl on the bar."

"Okay, I'm back. So what's up? You look like you've been through hell. Is…is this about Evie again?"

I shake my head. "Nah, not this time. I….kinda had my world spun around, and need some advice."

"Okay, so what happened?"

"You remember V?"

"That cutie that visited for the BDs? Yeah, what about him? Something happen to him?"

"No, it's…..I…..I think I fell for him."

"….About goddamn time you realized that. With the way you talk about him, pretty much everyone knew."

"RITA!"

"What? It's true!"

"No, no you don't get it! I've only ever had an interest in girls! Women! Then, after years of that, out of the blue, no warning, I start to have feelings for a man?! I mean what the fuck is that? How does that even happen? How am I supposed to deal with this?"

"…*Sigh* Okay, I've heard of this before. Ever heard of "Night City Syndrome" ?"

"No, what's that?"

"Well, anyone who moves to Night City knows this place is like no other in the world. So much bullshit happens here that many find themselves questioning everything from their fashion choices to their moral compass, if they ever had one. Some even discover a side to their sexuality they never knew. That tearing-down of everything you thought you knew, that's Night City Syndrome. Believe it or not, I used to have a friend in the same position as you. His name was River. Same gender problem too, he was straight, caught feelings for some guy he was working with who was an ex-cop."

"So, what did you tell him?"

"Go get 'em! And good luck!"

Okay, now I know she's trying to piss me off.

"Rita, I swear to God-"

"Listen, I'm being serious. If you have feelings for him, maybe you were bi the whole time but just didn't know? I used to study psych before I came to work here (not that it ever went anywhere), and they always said love and sexuality can both be spectrums. Maybe some people are strictly one way or another, but for those who go both ways, sometimes they go more one way than the other. So you mostly like girls, so what? Maybe V's that one type of guy you actually like? I know this will sound corny and gonk, but just listen to your heart, Judy. If it's really how you feel, shouldn't you explore it before you lose him?"

"I don't know…"

I'm starting to feel uncomfortable about all of this. Why couldn't things just be simple and stay that way? Rita paused, like she's in deep thought. She straightens up, and starts looking me dead in the eyes (as much as one can on the holo).

"Well, what if someone made moves on him? Could you handle him being with someone e-"

"NO!"

"…"

It came without warning and with no thought. Just the thought of him with that nomad girl sent my pulse skyrocketing, and my blood pressure with it.

"Then it wouldn't matter if this was just you being confused, would it? Just see where this feeling goes, before you lose the opportunity forever."

"…*sigh* Thanks, Rita. I needed that. I'll talk to you later"

"Anytime, choom. Later, and good luck."

That actually hit harder than she knows. V told me the truth, that's he's dying if he can't figure a way to either fix or ditch the chip. Now that she said that, it's really starting to sink in. I could really lose him forever. Even if I don't follow these feelings, I might anyway if he…No. No, I can't risk not knowing if he at least feels the same. I already lost Evie without her knowing, I can't let that happen again! I don't care anymore, it's the truth. I love him. He's the first man I ever had feelings for, and I have no idea if he will be the last, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is how I feel now. As I go through my stuff, I find my old diving equipment and the custom BD recording rig I made. I had been wanting to see if I could record two perspectives at once, and I think I just found a way to both do this, and make an excuse to have some alone time with V.

This is it. I'm gonna ask him how he feels once we're at the end of this recording, at least if he agrees. What if he says he can't-stop it Judy! You're acting like a schoolgirl! Chill. Just, chill. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever comes next, at least I followed these feelings to the end.

Calling "V"….

"Hey Judy, what's up?"

"Hey...V! Listen, There's this project I was gonna do, involves some diving. I could use a little help? Interested?"

"…"

Shit, he's pausing. He's gonna say no, isn't he?

"Sure, you can count me in!"

Yes!

"Nova! Meet me at this location tomorrow; I'll see you then!"

"See ya, Judy! Shut up, Johnny! It's not that big of a deal, we'll still be able to make time to check that lead."

Wait, did he say something about Johnny? Oh well, sounded like he had it handled. Better get some sleep. This was just the beginning; the real deal starts tomorrow. Night City is definitely a place like no other. People also say this place gives no happy endings, except for corpos, the powerful, and rich pricks; I really hope they're wrong about that. In the short span of time I knew this solo, my life has been turned upside-down. And maybe, just maybe, things will be so much better when tomorrow comes. For now, I fall asleep and dream of a merc with blue hair, and that irresistible goofy-ass smile of his. As I drift off, a small, hopeful smile is the last expression on my face before my dreams take me.