The panther stared down from the branches at me with deep violet eyes, it's tail swishing. I sat still, as still as death, my own eyes wide with fear and shock. The faerie lullaby continued on, it's mournful notes shaking the night with sweet melody. I wondered then if this moment would be my last, wondering if I should call out, call for rescue. But part of me was loathe to spoil that soulful music, even to save my life.
The cat stared at me and I stared back. Suddenly, it pealed it's lips back from it's sharp teeth in a snarl. I flinched and closed my eyes, waiting for it to strike. For a moment, I waiting for the pain as it cut my arm. It never came. I heard a strange chuffing sound. I opened my eyes and saw that the panther hadn't moved. It's lips were still pulled back from it's teeth. The chuffing sound was coming from the cat's open mouth. I stared at it. I got the uneasy impression that the big cat was laughing at me.
Except, as I looked, I realised it wasn't that big after all, barely more than a cub. And those eyes sparkled with mischief. I knew that sharp-toothed grin.
"May?" I said softly.
At my voice, the panther leapt, squashing me into the dirt. The weight of her knocked the breath from me. I could only lie there, stunned, as the cat pushed her face against mine. I looked into her eyes, feeling relief and wonder at the sight of my friend. Until she started to lick my face with her sandpapery tongue. I wrinkled my nose at her cat breath and pushed against her heavy weight.
"Cut it out May," I hissed softly. She leapt off me and started chuffing again. I scowled at her, wiping the cat-spit off my face. "So, this is where you've been going each night?"
The panther inclined it's head slightly. I frowned at her. "Are you going to turn back into fae, or do I have to talk to a cat all night?"
The cat grinned at me again and yawned, stretching out her already formidable claws, scratching them on the roots of the tree. Then, her shape became a blurr, and I was facing a grinning girl, her nightdress and slippers splattered in mud.
"I can't believe you're here. I can't believe you followed me."
I stared at her. Suddenly, it all came rushing back. The tunnel. The darkness. The fear I had felt waking up alone.
"I thought you had left me, May. I thought you had run off and left me." I frowned as something else occurred to me. "And when were you going to tell me that you could turn into a cat?"
A mixture of emotions flickered over May's face, sympathy warring with laughter. Sympathy won out. "I wouldn't leave you Aelix," she said with a shy smile. "You're my friend. If I run away, we run away together."
I smiled back at her. "You mean that?"
She snorted, "Of course I do. I'll need you to teach me how to look like a dirty commoner."
I narrowed my eyes at her and flicked a pellet of mud at her already besmirched night dress. She laughed as it splattered over the no-longer-white material.
"I can't believe you weren't going to tell me that you could change form, May. That's such big news. You're a proper fae now. You should have told everyone. The Queen would have thrown a ball to celebrate."
May just shrugged at me, plonking herself down on the grass next to me. "It happened whilst I was exploring. It never felt right to tell anyone." She hugged her knees to her chest, turning to watch the faerie dance, the golden couple now leading the rest in a walz, the sweet voice calling out a distant half-remembered song that tugged at the fringes of my memory. "It also felt like my secret form. A secret me for my secret life. A life where I didn't have to be a princess. Just be me. Just May."
I laid my head on her shoulder, just letting the music lull me to peace. "I'm sorry I took that away from you."
May turned to look at me, her violet eyes reflecting my turquoise ones. "No. I'm glad you saw me, Aelix. I'm glad you're here. I always wanted you to be. To be part of my secret life. I was so scared that you would never try." Her hand found mine and we leaned against one another, just watching the dance, a pure, unspoiled and secret moment.
The sounds. She feels them inside. An awakening. Desire. Lust. A wanting. A longing for more. More than she has. More than she has taken. More than her fear. The fear of Him. She will take. Take it all. The sounds have gone, but she hears them inside. A call. She hungers for the world. The world on the other side of the marks. It calls to her. She will wait. Always waiting. Always watching. Always hungry.
I was dreaming. I could feel it. I could feel the solid warmth of May next to me as she slept. Then, suddenly, I could feel the wind over my wings, a cool rush that left me feeling alive. My eyes could see farther than I have ever seen before. An endless lush jungle of verdant and ancient forest stretched out before me. Winding between the canopy of green, were several great rivers, criss-crossing the land, like threads on a loom. Beneath me was the great lake and a castle, it's bright pennants flapping in the lazy summer breeze. My eyes darted here and there, searching for something. They were so much stronger, even than my fae eyes, though the colours felt washed out and blurred. They tracked movement, deer, bear, wolf, jaguar and aurochs. Hunting, searching for prey.
My limbs felt fatigued and I sensed a fuzziness to the mind, as the dawn broke over the horizon; a brilliance in red and gold, Mara's Kiss. In the warm light of dawn, my falcon eyes saw further, the updraft took me higher, so far up, that the castle looked a toy. I sensed a worry and a frustration in the heart of the falcon. I sensed the prey he hunted was not food, but a task to be accomplished. A task he must succeed in or die trying.
Onwards I flew, free, my body cutting through the air. On the shore of the lake, I could see the air shimmer and shake, like lines of heat rising from the lake. The falcon knew some sacred secrecy to those lines, a sacred trust that could not be broken, a line between his world and the world of a half-forgotten people. Yet, he sensed his quarry, hidden there, and his task, his duty, took precedence over any trust or treaty.
With a soft cry to the winds, I felt the falcon's body turn towards the far end of the lake, where a stream trickled down from a pond at the foot of a waterfall.
As the falcon neared the shimmering air, I could hear a soft melody, a parting lullaby and a melancholic farewell. Nearer and nearer we came, faerie lights fading into the break of dawn. Down, under the shade of a gnarled an ancient holly tree, I could see two small intertwined bodies, the pale morning light reflecting off fair coloured hair, the second, black and feline –
NO! I stamped down hard on that thought. That was a secret. A secret not to be shared. Certainly not with the falcon. He would ruin it… ruin everything…
The falcon hovered listlessly, confused. Suddenly, the music stopped. The morning air went still. Bird song ceased. The trees themselves seemed to hold their breath. The falcon continued to shake his head distractedly.
A great cry broke the silence, as a thousand tiny voices cried out in fury.
I jerked awake. An ear-splitting call harsh to my ears. Next to me, May's violet eyes shot open, suddenly alert, her tail twitching. I looked up and saw a shadow hovering over the lake, the wings of a predator spread wide. All around were little blurs, with iridescent wings. From each of those blurs came a tiny scream of rage, directed towards the confused falcon.
"You have to change back, May!" I called to her over the din, her eyes wide with shock. She didn't question me. The transformation was near instantaneous. Her face was pale and drawn.
"We have to get out of here!" May merely nodded in reply. The faeries were swarming all around. The falcon was trying to get through, to get to us, but the sheer number of faeries were blocking it. The noise from their mouths was making it hard to think. I grabbed May's hand and pulled her after me, away from the lakeside and deeper into the forest.
"What is going on, Aelix?" May's voice was breathless and frantic. "Why did the Little Folk behave like that?"
"I don't know," I replied, continuing to pull her deep into the undergrowth. What had set them off? The Little Folk were peaceful in their nature. They kept to themselves and rarely interacted with fae or mortals. I had never heard of them being violent before, much less attacking the blood-sworn to the Queen.
We paused in a clearing, the screams of the faeries little more than a buzz in the distance. May plonked herself down in the grass. I sat down next to her and tried to puzzle through the last thoughts I had felt whilst sharing Jorsin's mind.
I couldn't explain how I had connected with him, just as I couldn't explain how I knew he had been the falcon. I had never had much connection to the blood-sworn before. Our paths had rarely crossed. As May's companion, I had never had much of a presence in the Queen's court. Even when May had gone to court, I had been mostly kept to the background, the edge of the court, along with all the other ladies-in-waiting and the companions of the other two princesses. Or sometimes in the gallery, mingling with the commoners and petitioners, there to beg favour from the Queen. It was only from Senelle, who had taught me the positions and procedure of the court, it's officers and functionaries and the courtly protocol, that I even knew Jorsin's name.
Though his wild and rugged beauty had attracted my eye on more than one occasion, whiling away those dull and tedious hours, listening to farmers and herders discussing petty disputes, or merchants and bursars about trade routes and the running of the Queen's city at Doranelle, I had never entertained any girlish fancies. He was an adult male, blood-sworn to the Queen and bound to her until death. He was of no more interest to me than the Queen herself or Alandor Crochan, the Northern Ambassador, a strange creature, who resembled a man, but smelt of a beast and the green wilds.
No, Jorsin was a complete stranger to me, never once glancing my way or even exchanging a word with me. And yet… for that brief moment… when he had spied May and the form that she had so wanted to hide, to keep secret, he had had only eyes for the princess, for his duty and the Queen, to bring her back and report her secrets, to shut her away from the world. The thought of May, so wild and free, being locked away… I could see it so clear in his mind. I couldn't bear it. Something in me had snapped. A darkness that stripped her from his mind. Snatched away the sight of the cat and the girl. The prey that he had saught, until the falcon couldn't see, could never have seen the princess. All he had seen… was me. I could still feel the falcon's confusion. It's shock and fear as it had beheld me. I couldn't explain those feelings. They frightened me now too. Something possessive. Feral.
What frightened me more, though, was what I had done to him. It felt like a violation, a wrongness. I had flitted into his mind, without him realising and changed it, hidden something, and left, altering memories without knowing how or even intending to in the first place. It made me feel dirty, like my mind was coated in a greasy, black oil.
"Where will we go?" May's voice was quiet. I looked over and saw her staring at me intently. I could almost hear her thoughts, so intense was her gaze.
"I don't know," I repeated. We were in so much trouble. Not just with Jorsin, but May had disobeyed a direct order from the Queen, to stay in her chambers. I didn't want to think about how much my hand would hurt, after Senelle was done with me. Where could we go? Hiding in the forest didn't seem very practical.
"We could run away." May was still staring at me, her violet eyes shining bright, with mischief and adventure.
I thought about that a moment, the shock of her words sinking in. She had always talked about it, ever since I had known her, but it had never seemed real. Until last night. Last night, she had seemed broken. Caged. I had known then that she was just biding her time. Waiting for an opportunity. Was this it?
"You can't run, May. What about the Queen, your mother? Your sisters? You're supposed to be queen one day. You're supposed to rule over all the fae and the faeries."
May's eyes hardened. Her mouth set with a grim look. "I will NEVER be queen. My sisters can have the throne, the castle, the kingdom, everything. I would rather die." The violet eyes were set with a ferocity that made me think of the panther, the ferocity of an untamed beast. I knew that she told the truth.
It was in that second that I knew another truth. I would never be a lady. Though I wanted it with all my heart, the colour and pageantry of court, the glamour and the manners, it wasn't to be. For though I feared the wilds and the forest and the beasts of the land, bandits and fell creatures and even the dark, I would brave it for May. I wouldn't let my best friend run away alone.
She knows. She understands now. She feels her dark purpose. It returns, as she knew it would one day. She feels the soul settle in her heart, the memory of iridescent wings beating on the breeze and a voice of heart-breaking song fade into the blackness of her heart. She knows who she is once more. The clash of battle and the struggle of a thousand thousand lifetimes stretch off behind her. The memory of Him and two lives entwined but never joined. Of conquest and rule.
The marks are the key. No mere scratches in the dirt, but language. A language that she once knew. So long ago. So very long ago. The weariness settles in her heart, like a second hunger. Soon.