"It is not possible to awaken to consciousness without pain, people are capable of doing anything to avoid facing their own soul."
The bright sunlight was blinding his sight, the sound of the birds among the trees singing was a luxury he did not feel worthy of receiving. he heard laughter and the dull sound of bamboo clashing, voices mingling encouraging whoever was fighting.
As he followed the path down the hallway holding himself against the rafters, his body was still very weak and he was out of breath after a few steps. every time his breathing became agitated his mind went back to darkness, he shook his head trying to fight the memories. his mind and his heart did not heal the same way his body did.
To tell the truth, nothing in him, not even his body was common and wild. it was just skin and bones, torn moments and blood. in his world there was no mercy, no kindness, because it meant letting his guard down and that had almost cost him his life once.
those corridors of that dojo became eternal to walk, and each step was years of memories that took away the little peace he had, in the distance he could see her moving nimbly, he tried to smile at her, but his smile faded while his body betrayed him and fell to the ground.
"Don't forget us!"
he felt his body heavy and aching, and felt something escaping through his clothes, it was wet and cold. he slowly moved his hand to his face and away as he focused his sight on a blood stain.
Someone was on top of him stomping on his face that was bleeding profusely and in front of him he could see them crying with their arms stretched out towards him, begging for his release, begging for his life to be spared, he tried to stretch his hand towards them, but they stepped on it almost to the point of breaking his wrist.
But he could no longer feel anything, he could barely hear the pleas, that pain that tore his body was nothing more than a memory, because the wounds that hurt the most were not caused by any sword or a blow, but by people.
People are even sharper than the blade of a sword, people and the circumstances of their lives forge them, just as a blacksmith forges a sword. Can you change that immovable destiny that experiences and decisions designated?
He was neither a being of light, nor of darkness, he was both, like that which neutrally wanders from one world to another as a witness of humanity. At what point had he become like this, trapped between his reality and his nightmares, living in torment each and every day?
Did life hurt him, but he felt it his duty to live it for the dead he carried on his back? And here was a kind woman who showed him kindness by giving him a roof, food, a bath and clothes. What fantastic angel had such a demon come across?
He turned with his whole body towards the shoji that separated his room from one of the corridors, the light was filtering through the cracks, and to his surprise there was a girl lying next to him.
Why was a stranger still taking care of him, why was she still worried about keeping him alive, he still couldn't understand. while he was thinking, he forgot for a moment that he was in front of her, and when he realized, her big eyes were looking at him in silence.
the universe fit in her gaze, with galaxies and shining stars, he could lose himself there in the depths of her eyes. and for an instant at that moment he felt that deep down inside she knew.
He felt that she could feel the regret of his past, he felt that she knew it, she knew what he carried. he felt her hand squeezing his palm in the darkness of that night, where only her eyes were the ones who pronounced words in a language that only looks know.
He saw a tear fall down her cheek... yes, she knew.
"before you heal someone, ask them if they are ready to let go of all the things that made them sick."
"Because of you I could pretend I was happy when in reality I was sad".
And of course in her gaze there was room for the immensity of infinity, her pupils shining galaxies and black holes that could transport you to other realities and maybe, just maybe also to the beginning, who knows also to the so longed for end.
that's how he defined the look of his savior, and it was true enough for him an honest look and that pure and innocent smile she gave him every time he woke up from his hallucinations, than anything else in the world. she was always there, like a bed of roses to stop his fall, like a sweet and warm summer breeze that soothed the pain of his wounds.
He saw a tear fall from her cheek, and there he knew, he hadn't been careful enough, she had found him out, he was translucent, like a silk curtain. But he smiled slightly at her, just enough for her to be comforted, his hands rested on her cheeks and his thumbs glided over the softness of her skin wiping away the tears, she looked up at him returning his smile.
"Why are you crying?" he wanted to ask her, he wanted to ask him so many things, about the scent of jasmine that bathed her whole being and intoxicated him, taking him into a spiral that made him lose consciousness. he wanted to know the names with which she had baptized the galaxies she hid in the depths of her eyes, he wanted to know where the waves of stars in his dark pupil led to.
his weakened body only had the energy to give her this small but significant act. karu thanked him with a bow, his arms around her small waist, while he leaned the weight of his body against hers and let himself be guided. the sun had once again risen brightly, until his eyes burned.
kaoru rested him against one of the beams of one of the corridors, facing the enormous courtyard of the dojo, the one he had not been able to reach before. and for the first time he could see the exit, the same place where he had arrived, but from the inside. he felt a slight knocking and pulling, when he looked down he found two little girls who looked at him as if they had discovered a fantastic treasure.
The eyes of these little girls were as bright as the sun that had just blinded him. They looked at him smiling and laughing welcoming him and he couldn't help it. the girls' faces changed from one moment to another, they frowned and one of them ran to kaoru, while the smallest one approached him and patted his skirts "you are a good boy, everything will be fine" were the words she babbled tenderly, while wiping his tears.
"it's just the sun, it's too bright" she said dodging the reality of his tears. kaoru smiled while in her hands she brought a tray with food. "Here you go, you haven't been able to eat much these last few days and you need to gain strength".
both little girls climbed up to sit next to him "don't worry, we'll take care of him" said one of them smiling graciously while trying to sneak one of the onigiri from the tray.
"morning will come again without darkness"
as his stomach filled, he took a deep breath of gunpowder-free air, and the noise he felt behind the walls of the dojo was of carts and peddlers. and for an instant he thought that that horrible era had finally gone away, that he had awakened at last in a world at peace.
he leaned his body against the beam, while on his lap both little girls slept after having gobbled the onigiris that kaoru had prepared. and so he let the afternoon light fall on his body, how peaceful it was.
kaoru removed the tray and sat down next to him and brought him a cup of hot tea, kenshin opened his eyes and received the cup graciously.
The sun began its journey to the horizon and the sky was tinged with color, welcoming the moon and its blanket of serene darkness. kaoru took a sip of tea, watching the sunset at her side, while he stood rapt before her as if she were a delicate painting.
"you can stay" were the words she heard come out of his mouth, her eyes widened in surprise. "as long as you need." kenshin nodded his head bringing the cup to his lips drinking the tea. while out of the corner of his eye he watched her smile again.
"They are already here", she said suddenly getting up, the sun had almost disappeared, some lanterns appeared at the entrance of the dojo, an old man and a woman entered greeting kaoru. the old man saw kenshin first surprised and then relaxed his countenance "our guest apparently is already recovering strength", kaoru turned her eyes to kenshin and answered nodding "the girls ate his onigiri" she said throwing a slight and amused laugh.
"megumi-san, thank you for coming" kaoru explained to kenshin that megumi was a doctor and that is why he was able to heal their wounds, megumi had taught him the basics. megumi and the old man took the girls and left the dojo.
"Kenshin stared at the movement of his hands as he said goodbye and for an instant he was transported back to the memories of yesteryear, feeling dragged back to the hell he called reality at times.
he was deaf, dumb and blind in this new and horrible place, where that dark river was waiting for him with all those deaths smiling at him, where those lifeless eyes, with no shine, were holding out a helping hand, he could barely see their smile in the distance.
Those deaths, that weight, that look did not give any truce and like a sharp sword broke the red thread of that destiny that awaited him.
"As if he was released from a spell, Kaoru's voice took him out of that gloomy place, returning him to what he believed was the most beautiful hallucination a man like him could experience.
"I think it's time to sleep, but I'll change your bandages first" Kaoru held out his hand and without hesitation he took it and let himself be led to his room, with a cloth and water she washed his wounds and removed the bandages, "Let me know if they are too tight," she said as she bandaged him again.
he concentrated on Kaoru's hands and the softness with which they brushed her skin. the darkness could come a million times if it wanted to just for Kaoru's voice to give her back the light that her heart longed for.
"all i have done is continue"
and that's enough ...