I've got a girl crush
Hate to admit it but I got a hard rush
It ain't slowing down
Harper could see it; she knew she could. Carly tried her best to hide it, but she knew Harper could see right through her.
She'd been giving Pearl the occasional once-over when she thought no one was looking. She'd study her face, memorizing her soft smile and how her eyes would light up when Freddie entered the room.
She looked over to Harper and she saw it – pity. Her friend pitied her. There was no reason for it though. She was truly happy for them, wasn't she? If anyone deserved to be happy, it was Freddie. After his two failed marriages and everything she'd put him through over the years… She mentally shook herself at the thought. He deserved to be happy, and Pearl did that for him, so why wouldn't she be happy for them?
I got it real bad
Want everything she has
That smile and that midnight laugh she's giving you now
Still… There was just something she couldn't quiet put her finger on. Why her? What was so special about her? What did Pearl have that Carly didn't?
She was cute, that much was obvious. But what more was there? How did she have this power over Freddie?
There wasn't anything remarkable in how she dressed. She really was quite plain overall. She was sweet, but she wasn't really funny which was something that had always attracted Freddie in the past.
Maybe it was her genuine love of animals that she'd been using to assist in the development of his latest app. At least she was truly passionate about something - that was more than could be said of Carly in recent months.
Then she heard it again… that laugh. Pearl was laughing at some corny dad-joke Freddie had made. Her eyes were full of love and happiness as she gave him her full attention. Her laughter was… Well, it was almost musical. It was so sweet and genuine; it was honest and pure with no false pretense or hidden agendas.
Most people would just smile and give Freddie that knowing eye-roll at his cheesy, dorky jokes or maybe there'd be forced laugher to simply humor him, but not Pearl. She was truly head-over-heels for this man and it obvious to everyone within their orbit.
I want to taste her lips, yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I want to drown myself in a bottle of her perfume
Freddie leaned in and gave Pearl a soft peck on her lips. He started to pull back and Pearl tilted further towards him, deepening the kiss. It seemed too private of a moment to watch, but Carly couldn't look away.
Somewhere in the distance she heard Millicent groan in disgust at the display, but Carly knew it was just for show. She knew how happy the girl was for her father. She almost always gave him a hard time, but in reality, she wanted nothing but the best for the Freddie. She appreciated everything he'd done for her since he'd come into her life.
Carly briefly looked to the young girl, seeing the small amused smile she tried to hide. It momentarily made Carly smile before she turned back to the happy couple whose lips were still locked and it was instantly gone.
She couldn't help but wonder what it felt like. True, she'd kissed Freddie many times over the years, but nothing like that. Most of their kisses had been clouded by the innocence of youth. There was never the promise of more to come once they were alone. There was never the intensity she'd witnessed between these two.
Even their most recent kisses couldn't compare… They'd been awkward at best. He'd just been playing along with their fake relationship for the cameras. That was part of the reason she'd slapped Freddie just before their fake breakup. She'd seen how passionately he'd been kissing Pearl and it'd made her jealous in a way she hadn't been expecting. It was all fake, right? So why did it bother her so much?
Deep down she knew the real reason was even though Freddie had professed his love for her numerous times over the years, he never kissed her or, hell, even looked at her the way he'd been looking at Pearl. Even his short relationship with Sam was more than she'd ever had.
I want her long blond hair
I want her magic touch
Yeah, 'cause maybe then you'd want me just as much
I've got a girl crush
What was it? What could she possibly have that Carly didn't? He was hers, wasn't he? Freddie had always been hers. So how could this nobody pop up from out of nowhere and steal him away when he was supposed to be hers?
Carly had been comparing herself to Pearl for weeks. Her mirror had become her enemy, she'd spent countless hours belittling herself in the confines of her bedroom. She used to like the deep chestnut of her hair, but she now found it bland and boring. Maybe she should lighten it and get some blonde highlights, maybe if she looked more like… her. Maybe then he'd look at her with something more than indifference.
No, it wasn't as if he hated her or was avoiding her, but it just wasn't the same. They were each other's best friends, but now instead of being at the front of the line for his attention she had to wait her turn just like everyone else.
I've got a girl crush
Deep down, Carly knew the truth. He'd given up on her. That was the only explanation, wasn't there?
Over the years, she'd humored him when he'd confess his feelings for her. She played along when he said he'd be her second husband, that she wouldn't be able to prove what he'd done to her first one. Well, that's not exactly what he'd said, but it'd been well implied.
Then when she'd finally realized how deep his feelings for her really were, when he'd saved her life, it had been him to end it. After everything they'd been through, he didn't believe her feelings were real. She'd didn't know how to explain it to him at the time, that the genuine fear she'd felt when he'd been lying there on the street… The sheer panic as she'd held his lifeless body in her arms… The thought that she might have lost him. It was at that moment that she had absolute clarity. She was in love with him as much as he was with her.
So, when he'd dumped her, she'd vowed never to put herself out there like that again. She couldn't risk her heart being destroyed like that ever again. She couldn't give anyone that power over her.
Before she'd left for Italy, she was heartbroken at the prospect of leaving everyone behind, but the one that really broke her was the thought of leaving Freddie. She couldn't imagine not seeing him every day, not hearing his voice or seeing that sweet lopsided smile he'd have when she complimented him.
When she'd broken her self-imposed rule and kissed him, she'd been looking for something… Some sign that all hope wasn't lost… That she still had a chance with him. She'd try to deny it, but she knew if she'd found it, she'd never have been able to leave him. But it wasn't there. It was obvious she'd caught him by surprise, but that was it. He didn't react, didn't say anything… probably trying to protect her feelings. So, she'd left crushed, hoping that the distance between them could help her move on.
No matter how much she tried to deny it, she knew she hadn't… She never would. How could she? This was her Freddie that she was talking about.
I don't get no sleep; I don't get no peace
Thinking about her under your bed sheets
Everyone was now preparing to leave Spencer's, saying their goodbyes and heading for the door. Freddie was saying something to Spencer when Pearl whispered something in his ear and Carly saw his eyes darken. She didn't know what Pearl had said, but the implication was clear.
Freddie quickly said his goodbyes and was out the door, pulling Pearl along with him and taking her into his arms just before the door closed behind them. She giggled as she followed him, acting as if she didn't know what she'd done to him.
Carly sighed. It'd be another sleepless night. How could she sleep when she'd know what Freddie and Pearl were doing at the very same time? How she could sleep when all her mind wanted to do was imagine it was her body that his hands were exploring... That it was her skin that his mouth was tasting.
Carly was in no way inexperienced, but she'd never had any man give her the goofy grins she'd being seeing on Pearl and Freddie.
In her minds eye, his eyes would darken at her, the lust beyond evident. That look made her weak in the knees and instantly warm all over. She'd shudder as his lips moved over her skin, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.
In the quiet of the night, she'd picture him over her, taking her lips with his before he entered her. How she longed to see the look of ecstasy on him. How she longed to be completely consumed by him.
The few nights she'd actually been able to sleep had been filled with vivid dreams of him. She'd awake happily before the cold harsh reality hit her and she was right back where she started.
The way that she's whispering
The way that she's pulling you in
Lord knows I've tried I can't get her off my mind
Before she knew it, it was just Carly and Spencer left in the apartment. What once has felt so alive when she was younger now felt so cold and empty. Without the distraction of everyone else Spencer was eying her curiously.
She refused to talk to him about this. Relationships had been the one thing she kept from Spencer. True, he was her brother and siblings should be able to talk about things, but he was more like a father to her and she could never discuss her love life, or lack thereof, with her dad. But even worse, she could never discuss Freddie with him. Not only was he good friends with Freddie, he'd been around and witnessed everything first hand. He knew how Freddie's crush on her and their subsequent short-lived relationship had played out.
She couldn't look at Spencer, afraid he'd see it too, so she busied herself with cleaning up after everyone. He sensed her inner turmoil so he let her be, for now, and helped clean up as well.
As Carly gathered discarded plates and cups from around the room, she replayed the events from evening in her mind. She couldn't tell you what anyone had talked about, but she could describe in great detail how Freddie's whole face lit up when Pearl arrived. How he'd lean into her to listen intently every time she spoke. How the muscles in his arms flexed and tightened as he pulled Pearl into them.
She tried to figure out what Pearl had whispered to Freddie to get that reaction from him. Carly wasn't one for lip reading and, besides, from the angle that Pearl had leaned in it was an impossible feat. But what she wouldn't give to know… What had Pearl promised to flip that switch in him?
Freddie had given her looks of admiration or even gazed at her dreamily over the past almost twenty years, but never anything with such intensity. She imagined him looking at her like that and she licked her lips involuntarily.
I want to taste her lips, yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I want to drown myself in a bottle of her perfume
I want her long blond hair
I want her magic touch
Yeah, 'cause maybe then you'd want me just as much
I've got a girl crush
Once all of the dishes were in the dishwasher and all the tables and countertops had been wiped down Carly ran out of distractions. She tried to find something else to busy herself with, but it was of no use.
Carly jumped slightly when Spencer wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "You okay, kiddo?" She simply sighed and shrugged. Was she okay? Would she be okay? She'd been driving herself crazy for weeks and the lack of sleep was starting to take its toll.
She plastered on a fake smile and looked up to her big brother, hoping to reassure him. What she found was genuine concern and more of the pity she had seen from Harper earlier. Was she that transparent? Could everyone tell? Could Freddie tell? The thought scared her. The last thing she would ever want would be his pity.
"Does…" She gulped before continuing. "Does he know?" She'd thought she'd been so good at hiding it. But if Spencer knew, there was no use in denying it.
Spencer shook his head and pulled her into his arms. "No. He doesn't have a clue." Carly nodded in acceptance before what that really meant hit her. She was so obvious that everyone knew, everyone but him. He used to be so good at reading her, he always knew what she was thinking. If he didn't…? He was too wrapped up in Pearl to notice… to care.
It was at that moment that it truly hit her… She'd lost him. He was no longer hers and never would be. The realization shattered her. It was all she could not to collapse, or maybe she had and she couldn't tell.
Spencer's arms tightened around her while she cried. There was nothing else he could do for her; he knew how deep this hurt was and everything she'd been denying since her and Freddie were kids. So, if this was what she needed, he'd be there for her.
Spencer gently led her to couch and pulled her onto his lap, trying in vain to protect her from what she was feeling. Carly held onto her brother for dear life, afraid she'd drown without him. She'd felt pain before… She'd felt it when their mom left. She'd felt it every time her dad left for another deployment. She'd felt it when Sam left them for good to join The Obliterators. She'd felt it when Freddie dumped her. And she'd felt it when she'd left for Italy, leaving her heart with the geeky boy across the hall. But nothing could prepare her for the deep sorrow and utter agony she now felt.
There was nothing else she could do, so she did the only thing she could… She cried.
I've got a girl crush
Hate to admit it but I got a hard rush
It ain't slowing down