"He knows that you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy."
"Early in his life, Merlin became frustrated because he was a good wizard who wanted to be great." Professor Flitwick had started his career at Hogwarts just the previous year and Lily was already fond of the young man who decidedly loved to teach.
"Eventually, he finally discovered an absolute key to master any future charms - that less is more. If he wanted to outperform any adversary, he needed to be fast and to the point. A way to always remember that is just to think of KISS"
The short professor paused looking smug to take on the classroom of teenagers who had suddenly become very interested. He continued,
"KISS: keep it simple, sorcerer" he said slowly counting the words with his fingers up, and the whole class snickered or rolled their eyes to their classmate. "Alright, alright, let's see if it's that easy for you lot to keep it that way. Hum-" his eyes laid on Lily who was writing down the mnemonic on her parchment, "Miss Evans yes, could you please describe Mr. Potter using just one word?"
Lily looked up blushing, when James turned on his chair to look at her with a grin. She clenched her jaw before saying confidently:
"Tosser"
The whole class laughed and James looked down still with his grin on. Before Professor could reprimand Lily, she rectified playing innocent.
"Oh no, I messed it up. What's the title of your Quidditch position? Ah yes, Chaser not tosser. My bad."
She smiled mischievously to James and he nodded in respect.
"Yes well, 5 points from Gryffindor Miss Evans, I'm sure your Head of House would not be happy with you not knowing Quidditch rules by heart."
She pressed her lips, not liking to put her House at fault. She made a mental note to herself to win those points back by the end of the day.
"Mr. Potter, care to respond politely?" professor asked with a warning tone.
James turned on his chair again to look Lily in her eyes and she was uncomfortable by its gaze.
"Lonely" he said with a clear voice and a chill ran through her.
There was a collective "ooh" around the class, and it took longer than needed for James to break eye contact with her and turn upfront again.
The rest of the class was spent painfully with Lily trying to ignore what just had happened, fighting any turmoil of emotions that came from looking at James' back. When it finished, Lily was quick to gather her things and leave the room.
'Oi Evans, wait up.'
She didn't.
Unfortunately James was a tosser and a chaser so had no trouble catching up.
"Hey hey hey-" he ran to her front and she sighed.
"Leave me alone, Potter"
"I get it I get it I swear I know it's getting old and it doesn't look like I'm trying that much but I am, truly so I want to apologize to you- again" he was talking fast and she was looking at him, annoyed "You're mad, I get it, makes sense-"
"I'm not angry, Potter. I don't care."
James closed his mouth and laid his head a bit looking at her. "Yes, I can see that very clearly."
Lily rolled her eyes and turned to leave.
"Could you just-" he grabbed her arm, and she looked back with a murderous look. He let go raising his arm as if it had burned.
"Look, I'm-I'm sorry, okay? For what I said in class. I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I meant it, but it wasn't to hurt you."
"I don't care" she dismissed taking a step to the right to leave again.
"Bloody hell, could you stop that?" he intersected again.
"You're the one blocking my way!"
"I don't mean that that, I mean this" he gesticulated to herself.
"What the hell, Potter?" she asked offended.
"I meant this, you're not this-"
"What?"
"This cold!" Lily laughed surprised "You care, you do but you've been acting all secluded and- and mopy-"
"That's rich coming from you" Lily looked around, as if in a tantrum.
"See - that. Stop it" she looked up at him and he breathed deeply.
"Look, I see you OK? You're hurt and you have every right to be but- this is me trying to be your friend, even though you said no but yes I'm a tosser so I'm telling you anyway that- well, you're kind, Evans" he paused and she seemed attentive. "You are. And just because there are absolute dick heads in the world that don't deserve it - and yes, I might be including myself in that pool - they deserve even less that you smother that piece of you because of them."
She looked like she didn't know what to say and before she opened her mouth to reply he continued.
"And stop saying I don't know you OK? I think we just proved that I do.
You're kind. Your heart is like…" he started gesticulating with his hands up, "like this lighthouse to everyone around you. It guides people and comforts them and-" he was speaking a bit loud.
"Stop, stop, stop it-" she grabbed his arms down. "Quiet you." He obeyed.
She breathed in.
"That doesn't matter, OK? My heart doesn't matter. You know what matters?" she let go of him, looking him in the eye "My blood. That's what matters, my blood." James stared at her, attentive.
Her voice which was already grave took a lower tone, hushing. She broke eye contact.
"Blood that is- too magical for my sister. Too- freakish" she swallowed and looked up again, "And still, not magical enough to my friends, apparently… or- past friends, I guess… whatever."
James was looking at her with pain in his face and she pushed it away. "So no Potter, it doesn't matter what you think you see or know about me. No one cares and neither do I."
Her voice was sweeter at this last sentence which gave her away. She shook her head and passed by him, and he let her, frozen where he stood.
"What are you doing?" James asked Mary in the common room.
"We're protesting for a more vegan source of ingredients for our potions class." She said pointedly, siting straight in her chair and lacing her hands on the table full of arts & crafts.
"OK, and what are you doing here, Wormtail? You're not vegan." James asked Peter siting beside her.
"No, but I made this." He lifted his poorly hand-made poster, and Mary smiled at him proudly.
"Right. Have you seen Padfoot?"
Peter shook his head. "Did you check the PAM?"
"No, I think Moony has PAM"
Mary looked at the boys, confused. "You could have a whole conversation about my pimples right in front of me and I would have no idea."
James looked at her "No worries, for that we use English. You just couldn't let that one in your chin alone, huh?"
Mary gasped and raised her hand to hide it "Lily is brewing something for it, you brute!"
He shrugged.
"Oi Prongs, behind you." Peter pointed.
James noticed Sirius entering through the portrait hole.
"Thanks mate-" He rushed towards the other, jumping through the couch between a flirtatious 7th year couple and ignoring when they complained behind him.
"Damn it Potter, you muppet block-head!"
"Padfoot!" he called and Sirius waited for him before climbing the stairs to the dorms.
"Prongs, I've told you already, I'm still not joining the team."
"It's not that, I don't care about that."
Sirius looked at him funny and he cleared. "OK yes I do care - a lot. Sorry," he said looking up to the ceiling.
"Quidditch gods?" Sirius asked.
"Yes, of course."
"Of course."
"No, I want to talk to you about Moony."
Sirius grimaced and started walking up the stairs. "What about him?"
James followed "I was thinking that now that he punched you, you could feel less guilty and have the guts to properly apologize."
"I've told you I have apologized and he doesn't want to hear it."
They reached their dorm, entering it in conversation.
"Yes, months ago" exasperated. "He's clearly more inclined to be closer to you now" James pointed to his black eye accusingly.
Sirius looked back with his eyebrow raised. "I thought you were done parenting us. What's all this about now?"
"Yes, but that was before Evans hugged me." James continued.
"Evans hugged you?" Sirius was highly suspicious.
"No, but she grabbed my arms like this to shut me up- and it's like, I'm this whole new person who knows everything about mateship."
"Oh OK so nothing happened."
"It did, she's warming up to me."
"Oh really, was that before or after she called you a tosser?"
"After, actually."
Sirius sighed and sat down on his bed. "Whatever. What does that have to do with me and Moony?"
"Moony and I."
"He's mad at you too?"
"No I mean-" he sat down next to him. "If Lily freaking Evans may come perhaps maybe one day who knows, forgive me and actually see us as friends, then Moony will for sure forgive you."
Sirius was listening and James knew he was considering it.
"They're like twins, they have the same brain except Evans is slightly prettier but even that you know on a good day Moony can really bring it."
Sirius grinned and James smiled.
"Please mate, you know I can't grow up without you. If you want to be kids forever you know I'll stay back right next to you and you don't want that for me, you know how much I want a beard."
Sirius laughed.
"Alright, alright stop it with the doe eyes. I'll try and talk to him."
James smiled and patted him on the back. "Look at us, coming of age. I feel like I've grown 5 cm already."
"Yeah that's exactly what you need, more height."
"I'll keep growing until I can reach the Quidditch hoops. I've made a deal with the devil."
"That makes sense, whad'you sell?"
"My favourite pillow you know, the fluffy one."
"Wow"
"Yeah."
They were nodding at each other when Remus entered the room.
"Oh, hum- hi you guys"
"Moony hi!"
Remus gave an awkward smile to James and started walking to the bathroom.
James then looked at Sirius and started making obvious exaggerated signals for him to talk to the other.
"Wha-"
"Go! Do it now, go" James hushed aggressively.
"Don't push m-"
But James did push him off the bed where he quickly got up and cleared his throat.
"Hu-hum, Moony? Do you think I could talk to you for a bit?"
Remus appeared at the bathroom door, with an innocent look. "Sure."
"Cool, hum…" and he turned back to see James, smiling encouragingly.
Sirius raised his eyebrows and took a look at the door.
"Oh right yes, I'll go wait downstairs" he got up and started walking. "Cause that's what adults do, so I'll be waiting." He paused by the door before leaving. "Adult style, you know" and he winked before closing the door behind him.
Lily was perusing the library looking for a book to help her figure out the missing piece on her transfiguration assignment when she found exactly what she needed on an upper shelf.
"Evans"
She jumped gasping, looking back with her hand on her chest. "Merlin Potter, you tosser!"
James reached for the book and handed it to her. "It's chaser, remember?"
"What do you want?" she asked, taking the book and fighting her discomfort for not thanking him.
"You know, if you'd just asked nicely I could help you with your assignment" he proposed.
"I don't need your help, I just got my answer" she waved the book on her hand smugly.
"Oh great, so you've figured out how to transfigure the leaves of your plant into clothes? That's great, I thought you still had that to cover other than just the drawers of the cabinet."
Her smiled faded and the book in her hand withered lamely. James grinned.
"Thought so" he looked around for a bit before taking a book from the top shelf. "Here. That should cover it."
She took the book he handed her and read the cover "Silkworm into silk: a journey within China's finest farms".
She bit her lip and looked up to him. "Thanks"
He grinned wider.
"Was there something you wanted?" she asked, less venomously.
"Yes" like he had just remembered something. "Come with me."
And he disappeared from the corridor. She furrowed her eyebrows and waited. He came back, peaking his head.
"Please."
She pressed her lips and followed him.
He took her to the study tables where a couple of students, particular 5th years, were already packed with homework.
"What am I looking at?" she asked him whispering, and he stood behind her, guiding her vision.
"There."
She followed his line and she noticed Remus and Sirius sitting down on a table, working together in what looked Arithmancy. Remus seemed to be explaining something to Sirius and trying not to laugh to whatever the other was saying.
"They're OK" she let out in a breath, with a genuine smile.
"They are." James said behind her. "And you did that."
"What?" she turned around to him and he looked down on her.
"It's true, you influenced them. You made that happen."
She was insecure and looked at the boys again, not turning completely from James.
"Your heart matters, Evans. It's what got us here."
It was like it touched her soul.