Simpsons Safari The Simpsons go on holiday to Africa!
Plot
Chalkboard gag: I will not flush evidence
Couch gag: Circus line couch gag
...
Marge has to go to the hospital because Maggie swallowed a Times magazine, somehow... Homer and the kids go shopping for groceries because they're running low.
'Asparagus? Olive oil?!" Bart asked.
"Hey, if your mother wasn't so fussy we could do our food shopping at the gas station. Or Apu's!" said Homer.
"Can't believe Maggie swallowed an entire Times Magazine..." said Lisa.
The boys were taking advantage of Homer by putting candy and cakes in the trolly.
"I uh... need this candy for school... candy class..." Bart lied.
"Okay but get five bags. In case we eat four on the way home." said Homer.
"Yes sir!" Bart grabbed another four bags of candy and put them in the cart.
"My teacher says I need cupcakes. Cupcakes to learn..." said Hugo holding a bag of cupcakes."
"In the cart..." Homer replied accepting his phoney excuse.
Oscar arrived with a bottle of wine.
"Oz! No!" Lisa was shocked.
"Buh buh buh! Why do you need that Oz..." Homer asked.
"I um need wine..." said Oscar unable to think of an excuse.
"In the cart." Homer let him buy wine.
Lisa frowned and glared at Homer annoyed at him being irresponsible.
Bart and Hugo arrived with snacks.
"We need these because we have to-" said Bart and Hugo.
"In the cart." said Homer.
Lisa seethed.
Homer picked up some beers. "My doctor says- and my garage mechanic agrees-"
"In the cart." said Bart.
"Whoo-hoo!" Homer cheered.
Meanwhile at the hospital.
Maggie had swallowed a Times magazine. What an odd thing to do...
"Marge Simpson..." said the receptionist. "Dr Hibbert will see you now...
In the shop.
"Shopping is so much more fun without your mother." said Homer.
"Yeah I wish Maggie had to visit the emergency room more often." said Bart.
"You guys are in so much trouble when we get home!" Lisa snapped annoyed at them all being irresponsible and buying snacks.
In the emergency room.
Maggie was having an X Ray. There was a Times Magazine inside of her! XD!
[Dr. Hibbert Chuckles] "Hmm. I never heard of a baby swallowing a magazine before-And I'm a doctor." said Hibbert.
"I don't know if it matters, but it was a Time magazine. Does that matter?" Marge asked.
"Uh-oh. This could be dangerous." said Dr Hibbert concerned.
"What? What?" Marge gasped.
"Syrian hard-liners are gaining influence." said Dr Hibbert.
Yeah and now look what shit the Middle East is in...
However Homer and various other customers start being rude to the bag boys so they call a strike.
"Sir I've already arranged your groceries by colour and when each item was discovered by man..." said a bag boy.
"What are you? The possible police..." said Homer.
"Do not mention the possible police... tell me not to cause untempered chaos..." Oscar snarled.
They then try to prevent people taking their groceries home themselves by shooting the groceries out of their hands, however this annoys Oscar who shoots them back.
"Oz!" Bart yelled.
"They shouldn't shoot at us..." said Oscar.
The Simpsons are the only ones who make it back home with groceries.
...
Marge isn't pleased when she hears Homer started an argument with the bag boys at their local store.
She grumbled.
"And quite frankly I am disappointed you allowed the boys to hoodwink you into buying snacks and treats!" Marge said sharply putting away the cakes and sweets.
Bart was eating sweets/candy.
"Actually 75% of those snacks and treats are my own Marge..." said Homer.
"And why did you let Oscar buy wine?!" Marge ranted.
Homer groaned.
"Because Madame, I need wine. She is ze sweetest wine! Onhonhonhon!" Oscar was acting French...
Bart frowned at him,
"You boys will eat each and everyone of these snacks you bought!" said Marge.
"Yes Mom..." said Bart and Hugo.
"Yes Mrs Simpson..." said Oscar.
"Sulfur jerky? Cream of toast?!" What was this crap doing back in the cupboard?" Homer asked.
"Most of those were sent by relatives that can't see very well." said Lisa.
"Hey, I found some eggs. The mother abandoned her nest." Hugo had a nest with two eggs inside.
[Screeching] A mother bird attacked him.
"Aaah! Aaah!" Hugo screamed as the bird attacked him.
The Simpsons laughed.
"Ooooooh! Poor Hugo!" Marge chuckled.
Suddenly Santa's Little Helper smells something and they follow him up to the attic.
"Let's follow the dog!" said Homer.
"But I'm not done telling you boys off!" said Marge.
"Come on Boy! Lead us to treasure!" said Homer to the dog.
They followed the dog upstairs. He opened the attic hatch.
"Hugo, did you leave fish heads up there again..." Marge groans.
"No!" Hugo retorted. They go into the attic.
"Oh it's very dark up here." said Homer turning on the light.
Hugo was sniffing about like a dog.
The dog finds a box of animal crackers.
"Animal crackers!" Homer cheered.
"Dad! Those expired 20 years ago! Don't eat them!" Lisa warned.
However Homer was eating them.
"Mmmmmmmm! Turbulent!" said Homer.
Lisa sighed.
"Why were those up here?" Hugo asked.
"They were in my old lunchbox. Hehehe! That Amos Burke never played by the rules..." Homer chuckled.
"My lunchbox is red with a picture of Mickey Mouse going on Safari in Africa." said Oscar holding his sappy childish lunchbox.
Bart groaned embarrassed for him.
Suddenly Homer bit something hard and yelled in pain. "Ow! This giraffe is made of gold!" Homer groaned.
Lisa read the box. "It says find the golden giraffe and win a free trip to Africa!"
"Woohoo! The Simpsons are going to Africa!" Homer cheered!
"Africa? There's bound to be food there!" said Bart.
Oscar winced. "uh no... there won't be..."
Hugo found a tennis ball. "Is this food?"
"No Hugo, that's a tennis ball." said Lisa.
"What about this?" Hugo had some old gum.
"That's some old gum you stuck somewhere..." Lisa sighed.
...
At the meeting with the makers of animal crackers.
"I want to ride in a convertible with two partying zebras, watch Mike Tyson beat up a gorilla and shoot a lion in the face!" Homer listed all the things shown on the novelty map of Africa that came with the crackers that he wanted to do.
However at the executive board meeting the executives wouldn't agree to his request because the they stopped making animal crackers long ago.
"Sir we don't sell animal crackers anymore. In fact we don't even make them anymore." said an executive at Animal Crackers.
"Sir that competition as expired." said her colleague.
However when Homer hurts his eye on the box they reluctantly agree to his request to avoid being sued.
"Oh no! This man could sue us!"
"Just give him the holiday to Africa!" said an executive.
"Sir we decided to make good on your demand for a free vacation to Africa.
"Woohoo!" Homer cheered.
At home. "Woohoo! The Simpsons are definitely going to Africa!" Homer cheered.
The kids cheered.
"Yay! We get to see Mickey Mouse on safari!" Oscar cheered.
Bart winced exasperated at him.
Meanwhile a tribe in Africa. At night.
A witch doctor in a mask is dancing by a fire. He stops sensing something bad is about to happen.
The villagers gasp.
"What is it Mgumbo?" A tribesman asked.
"Evil is coming!" said the witch doctor Mgumbo.
"What shall we do, Mgumbo?" A tribesman asked.
"You're Mgumbo now!" Mgumbo shoved his mask on him and ran away into the night.
...
At the airport.
"Yeah I'm gonna need two seats. For the twins." said Homer.
A scare chord plays as Bart and Hugo grin evilly at the desk lady in charge of allocating seats. Bart is playing with his slingshot.
"Author I meant my enormous butt!" said Homer.
"It's enormous alright..." said Oscar.
Homer growled at him.
On the plane.
"Ah the jewel of Africa..." Lisa sighed reading up on Africa. "It looks so beautiful..."
"It looks like the Earth is giving all the other planets a thumbs down..." said Oscar.
Bart laughed. "It sure does Oz..."
Lisa sighed.
"I bet we see skinny starving people. Because their warlords keep eating all the food!" said Oscar.
Lisa frowned at Oscar.
"And these musical garment bags aren't bad either." said Marge.
The flight attendant keeps changing the name of the location they are arriving at.
"We are now arriving at Tanzania."
The co pilot coughs.
"Actually it is now called New Zanzibar." said the flight attendant.
The co pilot whispered to her.
"Actually it is now called Pepsi Presents New Zanzibar."
Oscar winced confused.
Plot 2
The Simpsons arrive in Africa and meet their guide Kitenge. A friendly man with a squirrel.
"Aaaaaaw! A cute squirrel!" said Oscar.
"Actually this is a Bush baby." said Kitenge.
"That's one odd looking bush baby/tarsier..." said Oscar.
"Fine... it's a squirrel..." said Kitenge.
"Hey your assistant has a squirrel slash Bush baby on him too!" said Lisa.
"Aggghh! Where?! Where?! Shoo! Shoo!" The assistant was um a bit whacky...
(One really weird looking Bush baby that's clearly a squirrel chirps and flees.)
"Ooooooh! I just washed this shirt..." said Kitenge's assistant. Obviously the squirrel peed on it.
They pass a bill board of the current president/dictator Munto.
"Who's Munto?" asked Bart.
"He is our glorious leader, he seized power in a bloodless coup. Lots of smothering!" said Kitenge
"Just like Jimmy Carter..." said Homer. Uh I don't think that's how Carter became a democratically elected president...
"Homer, did we bring Hugo with us?" Marge inquired.
"Nah, we left him chained up in the attic like a wild animal with enough fish heads for until we got home." Homer replied.
"Nope." said Oscar as Hugo popped out of a suitcase. "Knew you'd try that, you monster, so I unlocked him with my skeleton keys."
"D'oh!" Homer groaned.
"Please don't smuggle me in confined spaces..." said Hugo uncomfortable.
Also all the taxis are rhinoceroses and an elephant had a pink moustache.
Oscar laughed.
...
They arrived seemingly in the middle of nowhere.
"Okay Simpsons. This is where you will be sleeping!" said Kitenge.
"On the ground?!" Marge asked.
"No Mom..." Lisa pointed to some lovely handcrafted tree houses in the trees.
"Oooooh!" said Marge.
"Oh baby!" Bart said joyfully. "My ideal home and den!"
"Yes Bart we know you have a treehouse but surely you don't want that to be your actual home?" Oscar asked.
"Sure! Why not! These people live in trees!" said Bart.
"Okay we are living like Bart for the entire holiday, so show us how to live in the trees boy..." said Homer.
"We'll be like the Swiss Family Robinsons." said Lisa.
"Lis, none of us like reading..." said Bart.
Lisa frowned.
"I like reading..." said Hugo.
"No one cares, Hugo..." said Bart.
"I will come down for your bags!" said a man who owned the treehouse or something.
"No need I'll just throw them up." Homer tried to throw a suitcase up. It bounced off of the treehouse and clonked him on the head. "Ow!"
Bart laughed.
They took a primitive pulley system bamboo elevator up into the treehouse.
At the top waited Alan Parrish from Jumanji.
"What year is it?!" He yelled in question.
The Simpsons and Oscar grimaced exasperated.
...
They have various fun activities.
"It says for us to write down animals we see on the Safari." Lisa explained.
"I'm looking at a warthog right now." Bart explained.
"Mom! Bart insinuated I was a warthog!" Lisa yelled. A warthog was sitting right behind her snorting angrily.
They then went on safari. There was a large egg hatching. A rhinoceros hatched out of it.
"Rhinoceroses don't hatch from eggs!" Lisa complained.
"Lisa what did you just see..." Homer argued.
"But!" Lisa protested but sighed as Homer glared at her. "This whole trip is stupid!" She muttered.
Then giraffes came out of burrows underground. Lisa was even more annoyed by this stupidity.
"Oh come on?!" She said annoyed.
Oscar was writing notes.
"Oscar, whattya doing?" Bart asked.
"Making notes for Professor Ibsen. I've got to get rhinoceroses hatching from eggs and underground giraffes in Jumanji! It'll be hilarious!" Oscar replied.
Bart winced.
Kitenge then explained a cheetah was nearby. The fastest animal ever.
"Look mother, by that tree!" said Hugo. Alvin I swear! Oh! Hehehehe! It's canon! probably not said by Hugo though.
Oscar inhaled deeply to scream loudly at Alvin, his executive producer But Bart hand gagged him.
"He doesn't look that fast..." Marge remarked as from her binoculars he was far away. However when she put them down he was snarling right in her face. Marge screamed which scared the cheetah away.
"That was dangerously cheesy." Oscar remarked. Everyone groaned at him.
...
They then went to see various locations like the Ngorogoro crater and then spent some time with a friendly tribe.
"What is in this drink may I ask?" Lisa asked.
"Cows blood." said a tribesman.
"Eeeeeew..." said everyone except Homer.
Homer drank cow blood much to Lisa's disgust.
"What? You people are just being rude!" Ace said sharply as he drank his cow blood drink. Uh he's a vampire, how do you fans not know that by now!?
"Ace why are you on our vacation..." Bart sighed.
"I wanted a vampire to make a cameo..." said Oscar.
Bart got a lip plate.
"Bart! You know how your dad and I feel about you mutilating yourself!" Marge told him off for getting a lip plate.
That night the Simpsons got ready for bed. However Bart had a problem with his mosquito net.
"Ahhhh! Something's wrong with this mosquito net!" He cried as mosquitoes attacked him.
"Oh your net is just inside out." said Kitenge putting the net the correct way round. The mosquitoes were now being kept outside the net.
"We had a great day today Kitenge! Will we get to see more animals?" asked Lisa. Lisa the weird nonsensical animals annoyed you...
"Tomorrow little girl, tomorrow." said Kitenge.
"Goodnight Simpsons! Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bugs bite!" said Kitenge. The Simpsons laugh. "No seriously. Don't." Kitenge warned ominously. By bed bug he meant a dangerous disease carrying bug, like the Tse Tse fly.
He turned out the lights. In the darkness Marge spoke.
"Homer did you remember to tip Kitenge?"
"No he did not." said Kitenge.
...
The next morning they drank cow blood again. Well actually only Homer did.
"Mmmmmm blood..." said Homer.
"Here Ace you can have mine." said Bart giving Ace, Oscar's vampire friend, his clay cup of cow blood.
Ace the vampire drank it eagerly while taking everyone else's cups of blood they didn't want to drink.
Lisa groaned in disgust.
The tribe played a very festive but long, loooooong song. You can tell because of all the clay cups of blood Homer and Ace have drunk.
"This song has been going on for hours." said Marge.
"Yeah! It's just like the Allman Brothers!" said Homer.
I have no idea who that is!
Then they went out on safari again to watch the sun rise.
"Loooook!" Marge said with awe. There was the Disney's Lion King sunrise! With animals in silhouette walking in front of it.
"(Swahili singing)"
"(More Swahili singing)" sang Swahili singers.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Bart groaned.
Back at the village.
They then have a festive dance. However Homer slapped a hippo's butt and enraged it.
"Homer no!" said Kitenge.
"Aaaaaagh! Hungry hungry hippo!" Homer screamed at the angry hippo. Kitenge tried to ride on it to distract it but it threw him off and stomped on him.
"Run Simpsons!" Kitenge yelled. They did so and came to a river.
"Don't worry! Hippos can't swim!" said Homer as he grabbed a shield and put it in the river to use as a boat.
"But Dad! They can!" Lisa explained as Homer put her in the boat with them. As they sailed away the hippo suddenly stopped at the river bank and tested the water with his foot before yelping like a dog.
Oscar laughed hysterically. "I've got to put that in Jumanji too!" Everyone groaned at him.
...
The Simpsons sailed down river with Homer paddling until...
"Aggghh! Leeches!" Homer screamed as he had leeches on one arm. There was a chomp/cartoon bite sound effect. "Aaaaaagh! What is that?!" On his other arm was a large black fish.
"That's a Tigerfish..." said Hugo.
They came to a fork in the river.
"Oh no! Which way?!" Homer asked. Left was a rainbow and cartoon animals from the Um Bongo commercials. Left was a dark eerie, swampy river surrounded by dark shadows and dead trees.
"Homer! Obviously the bright pleasant river with the rainbows!" said Marge.
"And Um Bongo." said Oscar drinking a carton of Um Bongo.
Bart groaned exasperated.
They sailed to a dark area of the jungle.
"Oh no! We're lost! We're hopelessly lost!" Lisa whined.
"We might get eaten by crocodiles!" said Oscar.
"Don't worry dear. Being eaten by a crocodile is like falling asleep in a blender..." said Homer.
"That's really not comforting Homer..." Oscar groaned.
"Oh! I have a map! (Homer screams with laughter because there is a picture of a monkey on the map.) Monkeys!" said Homer.
"It says here on the map there's no river." Homer was about to step off the boat into the river.
"Homer! Stay on the boat!" Marge told him.
They then passed two head hunters watching them from the shadows. Homer warned everyone to be quiet and threw a spear at the head hunters.
"That could have killed me!" said the head hunter.
"That wasn't very nice! We just wanted to be friends!" said the other head hunter.
The Simpsons then came to a waterfall but despite Lisa's warning they couldn't sail against the current.
"Bail!" Homer told everyone to jump out as they went over the waterfall. They landed in a giant flower.
However it tried to eat them!
"Oh no! It's closing on us!" Marge lamented.
"Cooooool!" said Oscar.
However Homer cut his way out of the flower.
"Dad! How did you do that?" Lisa asked.
"I dunno! It's a flower!" said Homer.
They then went through the jungle but Homer tripped and accidentally threw their lunch into a giant spider web. A giant spider puked acid over it and ate it.
The Simpsons shivered in disgust.
"Dad, that was our lunch!" Lisa groaned.
"Lunch box eating acid puking spiders..." Oscar was still listing things to put in Jumanji.
Bart winced.
Plot 3
They walked through the jungle.
"Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet?" The kids chanted repeatedly.
"For the last time, yes!" Homer yelled.
They came to a hill. Homer was carrying Bart on his shoulders. They were looking out at the wilderness trying to navigate.
"Do you see anything boy?" Homer asked.
"Just a big hill..." said Bart.
"Bart that's Kilimanjaro... a mountain..." said Lisa.
"Go boy!" Homer sent Bart off into the wilderness.
Bart went into there wilderness groaning.
Animals chattered.
Bart screamed.
Marge sighed.
They reunited with Bart.
"Oh look a chimp!" said Homer.
"Maybe he'll lead us to some nutritious ripe bananas." said Lisa.
"Or more mouthwatering monkeys! Mmmmmm!" Homer was being weird.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Bart sighed.
Eventually they came to a wooden fenced off area labled "Dr Bushwell's Chimp Refuge."
"I know this place! Doctor Joan Bushwell lives here with the chimps and studies them! We'll be safe here!" Lisa explained.
"Okay but he better have food!" said Homer.
"Dad! Doctor Bushwell is a woman!" Lisa yelled, offended.
...
Doctor Bushwell welcomed them in.
"It's kind of you to take us in, Dr. Bushwell." said Lisa.
Dr Bushwell smiled and poured them tea.
They had tea and grubs.
"Madame, it has come to my attention your place smells of monkey feces!" Homer remarked in a posh manner.
"Dad! Dr Bushwell doesn't want to talk about monkeys pooping!" Lisa whined.
"Quite so." Doctor Bushwell replied. "Although chimps are not monkeys. They're apes."
Bart was eating grubs. They had given him a green tongue. "Thanks for the grubs lady.
Hugo began stuffing his face with grubs.
"Thank you." Dr Bushwell replied.
"Ugh! How can you eat those!" Oscar groaned in disgust at Bart. "Bugs are for stepping on! Not eating!"
"Oscar! Don't torture bugs!" Lisa whined.
"Well there's nothing else to eat Oscar. You're just queasy because you never ate a bug once in your life." Bart replied.
"And you have?" Oscar asked.
"Of course! Everyone has eaten or has tried to eat bugs as a baby!" Bart explained.
"I'll have to admit I sort of protected Oscar from doing that..." Teddy explained. "I was responsible for looking after him after all!"
Hugo was eating grubs too.
"Eeeeeeew!" Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka groaned in disgust.
"Stop with the unnecessary reboots! The film was fine with Gene Wilder!" Oscar yelled at Johnny Depp Wonka.
Bart winced at him.
Oscar sipped his tea in a refined manner.
...
Suddenly the chimps alerted to unwelcome visitors.
"Poachers!" said Dr Bushwell.
"Oh no!" said Lisa. "Don't worry! We'll protect the chimps!"
"Fine but they'll still lock us up in human zoos when they take over the world five hundred years from now..." said Oscar. "You maniacs!"
Lisa was exasperated with him.
The Simpsons used what they could find as makeshift weapons to fight off the men trying to break into Dr Bushwell's chimp refuge.
Bart and Homer made coconut bombs and threw them at the men. Homer tried to catapult a chimp at them so it jumped on his face.
"Aaaah! It's on my face!" Homer screamed.
"Coooool!" said Oscar.
Meanwhile Marge and Lisa dropped beehives on them and Oscar fired bees from a pea shooter at the tires of their vehicles to deflate them.
Lisa then found a man had got in and was putting chimps in a sack. She tried to stop him and pulled of his jacket. He was wearing a Greenpeace t shirt.
"Greenpeace?! You're rescuing the chimps?!" Lisa asked.
"Yes! And you Americans aren't helping!" said the Greenpeace man.
"Well if you really cared for the chimps you'd know Dr Bushwell is their friend!" said Lisa.
"Oh really? Why don't you tell them about the diamonds Joan?" asked the Greenpeace man.
A Greenpeace man blew a whistle he found and two others removed a curtain revealing a diamond mine with chimps leaving the mine exhausted.
Meanwhile in the mine.
"I found one!" said a chimp in chimp language.
"That's a zircon! You idiot!" The other chimp slapped him.
The chimp screeched submissively.
...
"What extraordinary behavior!" said Dr Bushwell. "I must write this down!" She had a diamond encrusted pen and note book.
"Dr Bushwell!" Lisa gasped.
The Greenpeace men then rescued all the chimps and rummaged through Dr Bushwell's things to show she was operating a diamond mine for herself.
"I think we should consider the evidence first." said Bart. Everyone looked at him funny. "What? I haven't said anything in a while!"
"These are just pictures from films! This is from Planet of the Apes!" Lisa showed Dr Bushwell was just pasting pictures from movies into her diary.
"DAMN DIRTY APES!" Oscar yelled.
Bart groaned annoyed.
"And this is the flying monkeys from Wizard of Oz!" Lisa explained that Dr Bushwell was a fraud and had just kept pictures from famous films as her research.
"Ha! Flying monkeys!" Oscar giggled.
"Alright! I made it all up! You don't understand! Studying chimps all day is boring!"
Marge comforted her and suggested they get her help.
"No! Don't lock me away! Here! Have some diamonds! Everyone loves diamonds! Diamonds!" Dr Bushwell had a nervous breakdown.
Hugo gazed in awe.
Then there was a chimpanzee war! Like the one Dr Jane Goodall studied.
The chimps splintered into two factions. Presumably because of rival males fighting for dominance or over whether to spend the time picking fleas off of each other or to throw their own poop.
"Those damn dirty-" Oscar started.
"Oz no! Enough!" Bart groaned.
Chimps were fighting.
Also that lady got her face ripped off by a chimp was there.
The Simpsons and Oscar screamed and covered their eyes.
"That's gonna haunt my nightmares!" Bart whined.
...
On the plane ride home everyone except Lisa accepted a gift of diamonds.
"That was so nice of Dr Bushwell to give us all these diamonds!" Homer remarked admiring his diamonds.
Bart was being silly with his diamonds by wearing them on his eyes!
"Look Lisa! Diamond vision!"
"Shut up..." Lisa groaned.
"Those are some nice diamond eyes, Dopey." Oscar replied. He was watching Disney's Snow White and the seven dwarfs where Dopey was showing Doc his diamond eyes!
Bart giggled.
Suddenly the news came on. There was a new president, Kitenge!
"Oh that's nice! He survived!" Marge commented.
"What happened to Munto?" Lisa asked.
Ex president Munto was now a crew member handing out refreshments and peanuts.
"I don't want to talk about it..." Munto sighed and gave them free peanuts.
They all laughed at him.
The end!
Epilogue
One afternoon in Jumanji Professor Ibsen wanted a word with Oscar. It was about animals in Jumanji behaving erratically.
Rhinoceroses were hatching out of oversized eggs, giraffes were living in underground burrows and popping out of the burrows like whack-a-moles, The hippos had become frightened of water and rhinoceroses were deathly allergic to popcorn.
"Okay maybe I went a little too far..." Oscar replied. "But come on! Hippos afraid of water! That's funny!"