This is a Buffy Vampire Slayes Fanfiction Only.
Other Franchises will be included.
AN: If you come to hate this story, know that I fucking hate this series, and the only reason I ever considered writing this thing is because it was a request. So if you expect this to be an exact adaptation of that flaming piece of garbage, sorry, if I have to suffer through this shit, I will make some changes. Keep your opinions civil, and I know many come to love this train wreck, but that is nothing new, someone had to.
The Goddess waited for her two servants to show up as she talked with six other women, These women came from the universe and she wanted to send her best two people to help, and from what she saw that universe needed the help in a major way. She immediately knew one servant would jump at the chance to go there, he loves the series based on that universe, and practically sees the show every time he has some free time, and the other made no effort to hate the fact that he hated the fucking show and was not going to be happy going to a place he quite literally called a place worse than Hell.
These two men were friends, for thousands of years, and just as many missions they have worked together, and the goddess could count the number of universes this particular servant hated with the fingers in one hand, Well this meant she needed to add one more to that list. It was based on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series, comic, and games, The man who loved the series was named Hiro and he was not shy in telling and showing anyone how much of a fan he was of it.
The person who hated the series was named Hector, and he was also not shy or hesitant to tell Hiro why the show was a colossal piece of flaming garbage. This caused Hiro to be so furious that he locked himself with Hector for a seven-season marathon, Hector told him that he would find the sound of Montgomery Scott singing Danny Boy while shit-faced drunk more enjoyable than that piece of shit.
She finally had it and asked Hector why he hated that particular show and universe so much, that he had no hesitation in saying this in front of six women that come from that very same universe, granted two come from alternate timelines. He decided to tell her exactly the reasons since Hiro was still glaring at him and at least four women.
I once watched a show called Kim Possible, even one called Totally Spies, and then this fanatic forced me to watch all seven seasons of that turd, the only thing positive about it is that those two previous shows as gems by comparison to the one in question, "Why do I hate this turd, let me count the ways, the so-called Watchers Council are self-serving morons, they know what would happen if the special gets killed, and they actively do nothing to help that person, train them, provide them with less equipment and weapons than an army grunt, and are constantly doing something to either hamper, weaken or get them killed. These are supposed to be the good guys that keep humanity safe. If there is no slayer in that universe, the entire realm is fucked three ways into the sunset, and they know it."
Buffy had to admit that is true, they even almost killed her several times and poisoned her with something to make her powerless, while making her fight with demon-possessed corpses, Excuse me, vampires on her birthday.
"Then we got the fact that Sunnydale seems to be run, governed, and managed by Wolf Ram and Hart, meaning all public positions are either held by demons or demon worshippers." One of the women commented that was technically true, the mayor, the principal, and quite a few police and civil servants she even wondered why nobody ever noticed that.
"Why do people live in that town, No one is safe after dark, except for Halloween, because even demonic creatures at least hold one holiday sacred, but there are higher chances of a person getting drained dry by a vampire, mauled by a werewolf, or have their entire being destroyed by a demon which includes that person's soul. Alexander was an absolutely normal guy, who tried to be a nice guy, and the only women who actively wanted to have a serious relationship with him were a horde of demonesses, a vampire, an undead Incan princess, and a ghost, This is a place where common sense and where nice guys either go to die or have their lives ruined, the sign should read, Welcome to Sunnydale, a place even worse than Hell."
Three of the women jumped up and said that was technically not true at all, "OK Cordelia twins, let's go with you first, You had a chance to have a steady relationship with him, and what happened, You dumped him, don't want anyone to even think he is your boyfriend, and you end up with Buffy's sloppy seconds in a law firm in Los Angeles. And you Buffy, the guy has no powers, but every time, every freaking time you require help or someone to come rushing with the freaking Cavalry? Xander was there, but who was your main love interest, the bloodsucker who was quite literally called the scourge of Europe. Xander can risk his life for you time after time again, but notice he likes you, that he even loves you, hell no, you must focus on the cursed vampire called Angel. Which by the way is not as angelic as you think, and that is saying something coming from me."
Hector saw this was a bit touchy subject so he decided to mention something else, "And then we got people that are flat out insane, Jenny your people cursed Angelus to punish him for his evil deeds, granted, but your people formed that curse in such a way, that it basically guarantees the rest of humanity is fucked. A single moment of true happiness, and the soul that keeps him from being the mass murdering monster, is gone, and the world gets to suffer under Angelus yet again. A moment of true happiness, do you have any idea how many situations that can apply to? and by the way, this absolutely screws over Buffy over here, because if she is with the only guy she cares about or loves, he becomes a homicidal monster, but she loves him so much that she can't even think about killing him. If it was me, especially what I said so far, she would shove that stake right through my heart in ten seconds or less."
He looked at the women and began to shake his head, "Were is people working together to fight against the supernatural threat to humanity, no they place all of it on the shoulders of a hormonal teenage girl. There is a group that tried, called the Initiative, what was Their great achievement was making a demon human monstrosity that makes Frankenstein's monster look like a saint, that surprise surprise, wants to kill off all humanity, to convert the corpses into his own image, as mindless slaves where he can rule the world, and everyone was shocked this happened."
"Where are the exorcists, Where the hell are the loyal soldiers of the church, you know the so-called holy order of Iscariot, hell At some point, I would welcome an amnesiac version of Dracula, that is called his actual son's name, and works for an organization organized and owned by the children of Van Helsing at this point, where are all the organizations to take care of such world threats, that planet is so fucked up that even the one in independence day is better prepared to save the world than they are, and they leave it all on the shoulders of a horny teenager, seriously, most militaries don't even want to consider recruiting teenagers. "
He points at Buffy, "This blonde cheerleader should not be the first and only line of defense for humanity against supernatural threats, even if she doesn't want the fucking job, after that fucking marathon that idiot forced me to watch, I lost count how many times she said she doesn't want the fucking job, and all she wants is to live as a normal teenage girl. Yet the world is content with leaving the safety of the entire world and all of the human race on her, and she is not even good at it."
Upon hearing this Buffy finally stood up and walked toward Hector while glaring at him with pure utter rage, "HEY, that is not fucking true, I saved the entire human race and even the planet quite a few times, I am not going to sit there and say that I suck at being the Slayer, after everything I have done and had to lose to do it." Hector told her point blank she lacks determination, discipline, and commitment to her duty, She nearly caused the death of several people and could have prevented the death of many others but instead, the minute Angel comes near her, she is focused on her undead love interest and everything else takes second place, or does he really need to mention how many people died needlessly or could have been prevented, such as what the hell happened to Ms. Calendar, killed by Angel no less. Buffy told him that technically he was Angelus at the time.
The Goddess decides to finally put a stop to this before it gets even more out of control, That is the reason why you hate it, you never seize to surprise me, husband, you noticed the needless loss, the pain, the misery, and anguish of the people, you hate the fact that Buffy here is used as a sacrifice by people that don't even ask for her consent or care about her, you complained about the curse, but you did it for her sake, had the curse not had that one part, of him experiencing one moment of true happiness, she and her love could have been happy together. You pretend to say things and do things so people don't notice, but you are still the ever-kind-hearted fallen archangel I fell in love with even after all this time."
That moment made Hiro realize something, "Just how old is Buffy, and how come she knows all this?" The Goddess laughed and she told him that they had taken their sweet time getting to her office, so since had to wait, she decided to give them the golden tokens to gain the memories they would gain from that one universe where Zander was trapped in a time loop for over one hundred years. Hector said that is not going to be pleasant at all, in fact, all of them would want to beat the living crap out of Xander for what he did in those time loops, she was quick to correct him and told him only four got the tokens and even after they left they wouldn't remember most of it, they will only remember stuff as memories of a dream, at a precise moment in the proper place, mainly at Halloween.
The other two don't need the tokens because they are considered divine beings, who serve the powers, so one of the perks is knowing everything in reality, so there was no need for her to waste a golden token, Hector told her that she did waste four of them, but considering she did it to save them from potential headaches when they get there, he could only accept the massive cost of each one of those golden tokens. Jenny asked exactly what were those tokens made from, Hector told her it was made from a combination of metals, but mostly orichalcum. Hence the reason why they were so expensive, After all the main source of that metal no longer exists on Earth, Atlantis.
One of the women asked him what really caused the destruction of the island of Atlantis, Hector told her it was more like a continent, and the reason for the destruction, he pointed at Hiro and simply said it was his fault. "I told you time after time again, I don't need to be reminded of that, and I did nothing wrong and you know it, that blasted place deserved what happened to it and you damn well know why and even know why I did it, so stop blaming me for it, damn it. Do you want me to tell them what you are called in some other places we have been? They are probably suspicious of you by that comment by her of you being a fallen archangel. So how about it, and apology and you get to keep acting like a nice guy, or at least that is how they will think of you or I tell them the name you don't want them to know."
Hector told him he had no reason to apologize at all, he only answered a question truthfully, It is not like he could ever lie with his wife looking at him, Hiro told him that he asked for it, so don't come crying to him, "He told you one of my dark secrets, it is only fair that I tell you one of his, in other universes, he is not called Hector, in fact, he is knows by a different name, Lucifer Morningstar."
Buffy immediately said that was the name most people in her world knew well, but most just called him, the devil, the father of all sins and lies, the little horn, the lying serpent, the one who tempts and causes people to fall into sin and damn their own souls to an eternity of pain and suffering in Hell. The one who motivated some of the most atrocious acts committed in her world. Some even said that the very creatures she is tasked with eliminating are his descendants. Alright, this bullshit has gone long enough for Hector, he was furious, not just angry, but raging mad at such comments from the irresponsible Slayer.
"I have never once convinced or forced anyone to do a damn thing like I have enough time on my busy schedule to sit on the shoulders of humans like some spiritual parrot whispering things to get them to do something sinister, I don't cause evil I punish those that do evil things, that is my role, it has been from the very beginning and it will be till the very end, but since you were this rude, I will let you in on a little secret, I don't even decide which soul goes into Hell, that is something that I have no control of."
Jenny asked if he doesn't send souls to Hell who does, Hector smiled at her and told her, "It's you humans that decide to go into hell, plagued with your guilt over what you have done, You go into that realm, and you punish yourselves and relive those painful memories, over and over again, I am saddled with providing you lot a place to live, with absolute no reward for all my hard work, and just to add a little bonus for you, since I am so nice, there are no locks on the gates of Hell, they are always open, you humans could leave anytime you wanted, except nobody actually does. Honestly, it was until I met my daughter that I found a new purpose, to heal the souls of the damned, honestly, I could never figure that out without her, then again I might be saying this because I am also a very proud father."
Cordelia asked him where was his daughter at present, "Currently she is doing my old job, she is more than likely one of the new Archangels in Heaven, no matter the fanfare or how glamorous you think it is, that job is a pain in the ass, I rather run my businesses thank you very much. Joyce asked him what exactly was that business he was ever so proud of? He had no reason to lie and told her that in the universe he had that business it was a particularly nice, safe, and quite festive bar he owned in Los Angeles, called Lux. There are some rules everyone follows, no fighting, no drugs, and everyone drinks if they can remain civil and not cause any problems if they do break one of these rules, the bouncers will want to have a word with that person, and it is more than likely he or she will never return to the bar ever again.
"I organize my business as a well-oiled machine, everything in order, clean, and working properly, and I do hate disruptions or things that make trouble, so let's just say I am not above giving a person an appropriate punishment for what they have done, I was not called a judge of souls for no reason after all."
That is when Buffy asked him if he was really cast out of heaven, Hector had to admit that for many years he did feel like that, his anger, his pain, and his resentment toward his father, made him have a few family issues, and after he met a therapist, he actually went to therapy to deal with his mental state, he gained a much deeper understanding and after finally talking with his father, and many years, he found out that he was not cast out at all, in fact, he was placed in that position because according to his father, he knew that was his calling. To make rotten souls accept their guilt, be willing to pay for their evil deeds, and help them overcome the pain and negative emotions when everything was done, to one day be able to enter the kingdom of heaven where they could begin the process of being reborn. Another chance to live again, and hopefully this time without making the same mistakes, Some do in fact make the same mistakes, but many don't.
"For hundreds of years we were told no angel of any rank and no mortal could even have a romantic relationship, ever, why? Because it wouldn't be a fruitful relationship. One day I met a police detective, fell in love with her, and had to stand against dear old Mom to defend our relationship and put up with the fact that my own father was the man that married us in the freaking Sistine Chapel. So crosses. holy water, and entering churches with no problem, and then out of nowhere a girl I never met before declared herself my daughter, and she tried to outright murder me for according to her abandoning her mother and her before she was even born. I had no clue she had wings that deadly. So let's face it, we eventually learned what happened, and why, she went back to the future, and I knew that I could have children with my wife, so that whole myth that we can't have kids, was blown clear out of the water, and I am as you met me, even if I am embarrassed that you called me a typical proud father."
Buffy asked me what the hell Hector was talking about, he simply told her that Joyce for some strange reason wanted to know how he met the mother of his daughter, and how come humans and angels are two completely different species? "I don't know why you are so upset about this, In fact, I happen to know vampires and humans can also have children, they are called Dhampirs, and they are a little freaky to the parents to raise, all the powers of a vampire, but none of the parent's weaknesses, and after they reach their full maturity, they stop aging, no matter how many thousands of years go by they will remain looking like a twenty-five-year-old, even if every single person they know aged and died of old age."
He looked at Buffy and at others, "You know it took me over three thousand years to figure something out, something that right now I think is so obvious, being a parent can bring a couple together, cause them to feel such joy, pride and sheer love, but it is also a colossal pain in the ass because every single kid goes through that fucking phase where they think they know everything in creation, they are always right, and their parents are so dumb because they don't know any better, and when I first became a parent, that is when it hit me, the reason why parents always tell their kids they want grandkids, in the purest sense its revenge, they want their brats to be put through the same crap they had to go through to raise them, and that is why they are jolly, they are laughing their assess off."
"One day you are going to have kids, and you will realize the effort and sacrifices your mother had to make to raise you, and when this happens, you will finally understand, truly understand, just how much your mother loved you. Even if she had to send you to a mental hospital, so you could take care of a demon, even when she didn't know this was the reason why she did it. Buffy, you want to be a normal, ordinary girl, with friends, fun, and giddy about the latest fashion, not having to deal with inhuman, supernatural, or demonic horrors, and you can, as long as you don't mind that everyone on the planet is going to die, and possibly be cursed to a fate worse than Hell, yourself included. So take it from me, accept your calling, embrace your duty, and live your life according to what you need to achieve it, or live with the guilt of causing the genocide of the entire human race and everything on planet Earth. Cause you will live to see it and regret it, trust me, I speak from experience here."
Hiro decides to step in and look at Buffy, he feels like he should give some hope her, "Look, he is not saying you can't live a normal life, he is just saying that you need something that clearly you haven't considered, something that actually might not be so obvious to some people you know, but it is not a very difficult idea, and in a weird sense it is very Zen, what he is saying you need in your life is to accept the fact that you are the special, you are the Slayer, and the thing you need in your life is balance, I do not mean the sort where you can balance a ball on your finger, or a dance move, I mean balance in how you live your life. You can't be the freaking Slayer every hour of the day, so moderation in what you do might make it possible for you to live a pretty normal life, a few hours doing fun things, like looking at fashion or talking about the biggest crazy in fads, a few hours in doing something boring, yes, you have to go to school and study, and a few hours training to do your calling, learning to fight, getting stronger, and before you know it, you can be in a local graveyard killing monsters, vampires, and all kinds of horrors, and if you are skilled enough, fast enough, you may even spend a few hours flirting with that undead boyfriend of yours, that should make you happy, as for sleep, you only need a couple of hours, with your power, you are not going to get tired that much."
Cordelia asked him who he meant by undead boyfriend? Damn it, he forgot that this is a high school girl and gossip is a thing that they tend to enjoy, traditionally he is more of an ensouled demon-possessed undead, but since vampires fall under the category of undead, it is a valid description, of course, he meant Angel. She did mention that is not surprising, since quite a few girls would be into a guy like him, and Hiro was quick to mention that unless they managed to get that curse he is under changed, that means he could experience true joy, and that is not something they should want, since Angelus would be back, and he is not the sort of person anyone would want to be near much less date, unless they are a suicidal, insane, morally deranged person.