Homer Writes a Film Bored with a film they went to see at the cinema Homer writes his own film. Meanwhile Principal Skinner gets in trouble for assigning Bart a very unreasonable punishment and in turn Bart loses privilege of having his own house phone when Skinner tries to insist on the punishment by badgering him with a phone call at four in the morning!
Plot
The Simpsons went to the cinema.
"Alright! I can't believe I'm actually going to the movies!" Hank said in joy.
"So what are we gonna watch?" Homer asked his family.
"Happy Little Elves the movie!" said Lisa.
Bart was disgusted by her sappy choice in a movie. "No way! We are not seeing that crap! We're watching Space Mutants V!" said Bart.
"No Bart! That movie is frightening!" said Lisa.
"Oh don't worry my little sister! Just keep your eyes closed at the scary parts!" said Bart smirking.
"Bart you can't see that! It's R rated!" Marge nagged.
"I wanted to see it though." Hank said
"Ooooooh! The Atlantis report! A political drama with Mel Gibson..." said Homer.
"Oh Homie! How interesting! I would have thought you wouldn't like such a serious film." said Marge hugging him.
"Well unfortunately Animal House haven't made another sequel yet and there's no way I'm watching anything made by Adam Sandler... yeeeeech!" said Homer hugging his wife.
"But you'll watch anything directed by that anti Semite Mel Gibson..." Oscar said with a frown.
The kids whined that Homer's choice was boring. Bart found Lisa's choice, Happy Little Elves, nauseating. Lisa found his terrifying. Oscar was angry with Homer for financially supporting a racist anti Semite who will not get an episode about him. Plus his episode was boring anyway apart from the Braveheart and Mad Max references.
"Look we obviously can't agree on a film. Kids here's money to go and see what you want to watch... Honey, we'll get to watch our political drama in peace with no noisy kids and Bart stealing my popcorn!" said Homer whisking his wife off her feet and purring. Marge giggled.
"That is a good idea... Kids you'll be fine on you you're own? Kids?" Marge asked as the kids had already headed to the Space Mutants V ticket booth.
"Yes mom!" said Bart, Hugo Hank and Lisa. Maggie sucked her pacifier.
"Yes Marge..." said Oscar.
Because they couldn't decide on what film to see they split up. The kids went to see Bart's choice of film, another sequel in the Space Mutants franchise. And Homer and Marge went to see a drama that was popular at the moment. Marge was impressed Homer was willing to try the movie.
Meanwhile in the screen showing the Space Mutants film (possibly IV but I've lost count.) Lisa was too scared to watch and covered her eyes.
"Lisa if you don't watch you'll never get desensitised to the scary bits!" Bart explained eating his popcorn.
"I can't! Just tell me when the scary part is over!" Lisa replied.
"Alright." Hank said
"It's over." said Bart. However it was just beginning as a red light filled the room and there was a sickening crunching sound from the movie.
Lisa screamed loudly in fear and horror.
Bart and Hank laughed evilly.
Elsewhere Homer was getting bored of the film and annoying everyone by being noisy.
"Ugh! The floor is sticky!" He moaned. Someone hushed him. "Don't shush me you rich bastard!"
(Gracie Films! XD)
Homer then asked Marge what the man was saying in the film but this annoyed her so she hushed him.
Then he thought the submarine was fake because you could see the string.
More people got annoyed at him.
Then he ruined the film altogether by explaining the story. Everyone yelled at him.
"Oh come on! It was pretty obvious!" Homer yelled back as people threw things at him.
"Homer! No one cares what you think! Now shut up and let us watch the movie!" Marge snapped.
Everyone cheered at her.
Homer was offended by her tone and sat and watched the film quietly.
...
After the films the family reunited in the lobby. They asked what each other thought of their movie.
"It was awesome! But Space Mutants III was still better." Bart explained.
Lisa was completely traumatised.
"Lisa was so scaaaaared..." Cousin Hank chuckled.
"Ours was fine until your father kept talking throughout the film." Marge sighed. Homer was deeply offended.
"Well it was lousy anyway! I could have wrote a better movie!" Homer retorted.
"I'd like to see you try Homeboy!" Bart sniggered.
"Very well! I will!" said Homer.
...
They got home. As soon as they were home Homer got to work on his movie. However he annoyed his co-writers Lisa and Bart with silly suggestions.
"Ok first off everyone finds it funny if you fast forward everything so that everyone's running about super fast with little squeaky voices! Hehehe!" He fast forwarded part of the film so that the townspeople walking about were running about really fast with high pitched chatter.
"No Dad..." Lisa sighed. "I've got one! How about a little girl named Lisa who is a vegetarian princess...and she lives in a magical kingdom far away with her mother and father, the king and queen. She plays jazz music on her saxophone...and she has a kitty and a pony...and big her brother is the prince and her baby sister is also the princess...the kingdom has whales, dolphins, ponies, cats, butterflies, trees, unicorns and jazz music, vegetarianism, museums...and libraries full of the greatest literature books, and a Biiiiiig warm stable with lots of ponies! Oh and did I mention books and ponies already? And one day, darkness falls upon the kingdom and an evil sorceress casts a dark and powerful curse...causing gloom and dispair upon the kingdom...and—"
"Boring! How about a close up of a dog with shifty eyes with a scary tune to show he's the bad guy!" Homer suggested.
"Dad for the last time, no!" Bart groaned in annoyance.
"Do you want our help our not?"
Homer paused. "Go to your rooms and spank yourselves!"
Bart and Lisa left him to write his uh... film as Marge walked into the room.
"Homer," Marge intervened. "You can't punish the children just because you can't come up with an idea for your own movie."
...
At School Bart pranked Skinner during his outdoor class by setting loose a hot air balloon effigy of Skinner with an enormous butt holding a sign saying "Hi! I'm big butt Skinner!"
Everyone except Martin laughed.
"Simpson!" Skinner yelled.
After Willie shot down the balloon and packed it away. Skinner had a particularly unreasonable punishment for Bart.
...
"What?!" Homer gasped.
"Bart, you're not getting up at four in the morning for detention..." Marge explained.
"I know, it's extremely unfair!" said Bart. "But won't that get me in even more trouble?"
"Aha! Then you will go to this early morning detention! If it will straighten you out!" Homer yelled. "I'm sorry but punishments aren't supposed to be fair!"
"Homer no! Our little boy is not getting up at four in the morning! And that's final!" Marge yelled. Homer grumbled and walked off somewhere.
"Don't worry Bart, I will be having very strong words with Skinner!" Marge told Bart.
...
However Skinner rang the house phone at four am. Bart wearily answered it. However the ringing phones woke up Marge and Homer.
Marge took the phone from Bart. "This is harassment Principal Skinner! Stop ringing my house phone or I'll call the cops! Or worse I'll be speaking to Superintendent Chalmers!" She slammed down the phone.
Meanwhile at Skinners.
"Seymour! Do you have any time how early it is?!" Agnes yelled.
"Yes Mother..." Skinner sighed.
Back at the Simpsons
"Sorry Sweetie but I'm gonna have to confiscate this phone until you stop getting early morning calls. Now try to get some rest!" Marge confiscated his house phone and kissed him goodnight.
"Who calls someone at four in the morning anyway?!" Homer asked in disbelief.
"Same people who make chocolate pudding at four in morning, because they lost control of their lives." Oscar replied. Everyone face planted at his silly remark.
...
Bart was drowsy the next day.
"I'm sorry about what happened early this morning Sweetie but Mommy needs you to note down all the people and numbers harassing you in the morning." Marge explained.
"Oh that's easy. Principal Skinner, that Australian guy I pranked and got us to go to Australia to apologize to... Dr Demento..." Bart listed the people harassing him.
"Well, I need their numbers sweetie." Marge explained.
"I only know Skinner's though." Bart explained. "We could always get caller ID."
Later they bought new phones with caller ID.
"That means Oscar you can't prank call me anymore as I'll know it's you." Bart explained to Oscar.
Oscar rang the house phone.
"Hey is your refrigerator running?" Oscar told the refrigerator joke again.
"Oscar I know that's you..." Bart sighed.
"D'oh! I hate caller ID!" Oscar groaned.
"Relax. There's one guy in town who doesn't have caller ID..." Bart explained.
...
Moe got a phone call.
"I P freely? Hey everybody! I P freely!" Moe asked everyone.
The bar flies laughed.
"Listen here you little! If I ever find out who you are I'll slice your heart in half!"
Bart and Oscar laughed as the line went dead.
...
At School Skinner was in big trouble with Superintendent Chalmers for harassing a pupil's family.
"Skinner! May I suggest a sensible punishment?" Chalmers asked.
"Of course sir!" Skinner replied.
"A weeks suspension!" Chalmers decided.
"D'oh! You little!" Homer yelled at Bart and began strangling the little boy.
Marge sighed.
...
Meanwhile Homer was recording his film and hired Jay Sherman as a producer.
However he kept screwing up the scenes.
"Oh for Pete's sake! Someone throw a pie or something!" Homer yelled.
On the next take was utter madness as people ran about acting like chickens clucking and waving their arms and some were throwing pies.
"Homer, this picture has gone from a thoughtful political drama to a circus! What are you even trying to write?!" Jay groaned.
"I dunno. Just all the things I like to see in a movie." Homer replied.
"And what's with this shifty eyed dog you keep mentioning?!" Jay asked.
"Look we've got to hurry up with the next scene! It's got Tommy Wiseau in it!" Homer explained as Tommy Wiseau appeared.
"Oh dear god!" Jay Sherman was horrified.
Suddenly Mel Gibson arrived. "Perhaps I can help."
"Mel Gibson?!" Homer gasped.
"Hell no! That man is not appearing in my fan fiction!" Oscar yelled.
"Quiet boy..." Homer growled.
"No you shut up!" Oscar snapped. "This man is a racist fascist anti Semite scumbag! He was sacked from Mad Max for a reason!"
"Jews are subhuman scum! Sieg Heil!" Mel did a Nazi salute.
"No they are not! You are being extremely offensive! Now go away!"
"No! I am here to help Homer make my movie better." said Mel.
"Why?!" Homer said with joy.
"Because Homer, you were the only fan honest enough to tell me what you thought about my movie. All the others just kiss up to me because of my good looks..." said Mel.
"Yeah sure... drop dead Mel..." Oscar snapped as he stormed off.
Plot 2
Homer took Mel home with him against Oscar's wishes.
Mel spoke with the Simpsons.
"Everyone is too in love with me to be honest. I can't even get fined for speeding! The government just lets me off. And my taxes? The government just pays them for me!" Mel explained.
"Oh you poor man!" said Marge. This episode is really infuriating! And it was made after Mel said racist things about Jews while drunk! And that's not an excuse!
"It's hell being a Mel..." Mel Gibson sighed.
"I'm sure it is you bastard! Now I'm leaving! I can't stay in this house with that man!" Oscar yelled and stormed out with his bags. "Lisa for once be the voice of reason! Back me up here!"
"What did Mel do exactly?" Lisa asked as Oscar was leaving.
"He's racist to Jewish people!" said Oscar. "Like Bart's favourite clown Krusty!"
Bart gasped and frowned. "Dad! He has to go!" He demanded Homer kick out Mel.
"No! I like his movies! Except his latest one which I am helping rewrite this episode." said Homer.
Oscar stormed off.
...
Homer explained his stupid changes to Mel, such as people running around fast with squeaky voices.
"No Homer..." Mel sighed.
A dog with shifty eyes on close up, to show he was evil.
"No Homer,,," Mel sighed.
And Mad Max and Braveheart references.
"Homer..." Mel got a bit annoyed. "Look Homer start with what you found wrong with my movie?" Mel asked.
"There was just loads of boring talking! It sucked! You know I liked it better when you're violently killing people in your movies!" said Homer.
"That's it! We'll turn the Atlantis report from a boring political drama, I have no idea why I wrote this! But my director was like, Mel you have to try something new... I should have stuck with what I know! Violent shooters!"
"And dogs with shifty eyes." said Homer.
"No Homer..."
...
Oscar was at his Uncle's flat watching Tv with Bart and Lisa and Marge.
"I'm sorry but Homer can rather stubborn sometimes..." said Marge.
There was an advert for an electric car.
A boy was coughing on fumes.
"Is this the air we want for our children?" asked the man doing the commercial as its host.
"Oh no!" Lisa gasped.
"Well- Hey! What are you doing!? Unhandled me!" the man yelled as Homer and the Stonecutters shut down the commercial.
"Nothing to see here folks," said Homer as the chosen one.
Lisa growled.
The Simpsons except Homer went to a car saleswoman who was selling electric cars called the Electaurus. They looked like James Bond's car from the Spy Who Loved Me.
However Homer and the Stonecutters there smashing up the electric cars and Steve Gutenberg was there signing autographs despite only winning an Oscar because the Stonecutters rigged the night for him to win.
"Homer! Stop that! We're buying an electric car!" said Marge.
"Fine... sorry guys... we'll re-enact the civil war with monkeys later..." said Homer as the Stonecutters went back to the Stonecutters temple.
The Simpsons bought an Electaurus electric car.
"It feels so great to say goodbye to gas." said Bart. He burped.
"Bart!" Marge told him off. But she farted. "Well that shut me up.
"And the engine is so quiet! We can hold a conversation!" said Homer.
"Dad! You're driving on the harbour!" The kids screamed.
"It's okay, it's an electric car!" said Homer as they plunged into the sea.
Some dolphins swam past. "Look kids! Dolphins!" said Homer.
"Dolpha! Dolpha! Dolpha!" Oscar squealed repeatedly from his Aspergers.
"Dad no!" Bart whined.
"Dolpha! Dolpha!" Oscar squealed.
The car zapped the dolphins with electricity and killed them.
"Uh oh." said Homer.
Oscar cried. "Wuuaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaahhhh!"
Some sexy mermaids swam past.
"Hi girls!" Homer waved to them. But they were electrocuted by his car. "Oopsie!"
"Look! Stan Mitchell Eminem from his song Stan!" said Hugo as Stan from Eminem's song Stan and his pregnant girlfriend were dead, having drowned in Stan's car when he drove off the town bridge.
"Quiet boy..." said Homer as James Bond music played as they drove off under the sea.
...
At Home, the electric car sparkles and went rusty from the salt water and smoke poured out of the engine.
"It burns! It buuuuuuurns!" The cat's computer screamed in a male voice.
Homer sighed as they went inside. He then went on about Mel being voted sexiest man.
"Has Me, Moe or Lenny ever been voted sexiest man?" Homer asked Marge. "Well I don't know about Lenny..."
That horn jingle played as a newspaper spun around with Lenny naked on the front with the headline Sexiest Male.
"Stupid Sexy Lenny!" said Homer. "And it's not just his chiselled good looks! He's a great father... goes to church every..."
"Homer have sex with me, right now!" Marge demanded and had sex with him right there in the living room in front of the children.
"Um okay..." said Homer as she pulled him to the floor and they had sex.
"Eeeeeeew!" The kids groaned.
Then they mentioned Shaq O'neille. Probably starring in dire video games about himself using basketball to defeat evil ninjas.
That night Mel watched another of his movies with Homer. "It's a follow up to Braveheart and a remake of Jimmy Stewart's Mr Smith Goes To Washington."
"How can it be a follow up to Braveheart when you died at the end of it?!" Oscar yelled.
"Go to bed..." Homer sighed.
"Is there any Flubber in this movie?" Hugo asked. Dressed as a scientist.
"No! Now go to bed!" Homer yelled.
"Glavin..." Hugo sighed.
"They really shouldn't have taken out the giant rabbit from the original Jimmy Stewart version..." said Mel.
Then they watched the reviews. Homer hated it. Hugo and Frink loved it despite the absence of Flubber.
And Mel gets to be flown in a private jet by John Travolta.
He sung You're the one that I want from the end of Grease. I er only know him for all those dumb musicals he was in. Oh and Pulp Fiction.
"Well I get to be flown in a fighter jet by Tom Cruise!" Oscar replied.
"I have a need! A need for speed!" said Tom Cruise as the guy from the Top Gun movies. "Praise Lord Xenu!"
"Okay you're nuts now..." Oscar ejected him.
...
At home. The door rang.
"Door, Marge..." said Homer being lazy.
Marge answered the door and gasped when Mel was there.
"I'm looking for Homer Simpson." said Mel.
"And I've been looking for you too, pal!" said Oscar menacingly as he made a fist gesture.
"CoooooooL! Pound him Oz!" Bart cooed.
"Bart don't!" Lisa told Bart off and pulled Oscar away from Mel.
"Quiet! Oz is about to kick Mel's butt! Now let him go!" Bart yelled. Oscar got free. "Knock his teeth out!"
"Bart!" Marge yelled.
"Hey Mel!" said Homer.
Oscar blew a raspberry with his tongue.
"Oscar..." Marge sighed.
"He's gonna be doing that every time we say Mel Gibson." said Lisa.
Oscar blew a raspberry.
"Or just Mel." Lisa added.
Oscar blew a raspberry.
"What about Sideshow Mel?" Homer asked.
Oscar blew a raspberry.
Hugo laughed.
"Mel! Mel! Mel! Mel!"
Oscar made raspberry sounds repeadly.
Hugo whispered Mel.
Oscar made a quiet raspberry.
Hugo yelled a long "Meeeeeel!"
Oscar made a long hard raspberry sound.
"Okay that's enough you two!" Homer snapped.
...
Mel took them all to Hollywood.
"Hollywood here we come!" said Marge.
"Hollywood here we are!" said Marge as the plane landed.
"Mom stop that! That's really annoying!" said Lisa.
In Hollywood Homer was too busy admiring the cars.
"Hey look! They're shooting a movie!" said Bart.
"Looks like it's just Robert Downey Jr in a shoot out with the cops. I don't see any cameras..." said Lisa. The camera pans over to show Robert Downey Jr in a shoot out with cops.
Oscar laughed. "He's so high on coke..."
"I have a great idea. I'll work on remaking Mel's movie with him. And Marge you and the kids can go sight seeing!" said Homer.
"Oh! How lovely!" said Marge.
In a recording Studio Homer still, had this silly notion of a dog being the main villain. And Mel wearing silly hats.
"No Homer..."
"But..."
"No!"
Marge and the kids were on a tour.
"And for those that always wanted to see the famous Brown Derby Restaurant..." said the tour guide.
Everyone gasped.
"Here's where it used to stand. Now an empty space." said the guide.
"Awwwwww!" everyone groaned.
"And here's where Hugh Grant."
"Eeeewwwww!"
"Filmed nine months."
"Eeeeeeeew!"
"Oh look! According to the map, this house belongs to the dog from Frasier!" said Lisa.
There was a giant dog house. A tiny dog barked from the balcony of it.
"And that house belongs to Kelsey Grammar." said Oscar.
"Bart Simpsooooon!" Kelsey Grammar threatened Bart angrily as the Sideshow Bob theme played.
Bart screamed.
"That house is where Ellen DeGeneres and Annie Hech live!" said Marge.
"We're lesbians!" said Ellen and Annie.
Oscar screamed.
Plot 3
Homer's film was then premiered. The climactic scene starred Mel Gibson. However instead of a thoughtful scene of dialogue was Mel's character killing everyone violently. First he impaled the senator on the flag of America.
"All in favor say die!" Then he shot everyone with a machine gun.
"Mr senator this is highly unorthodox!" The judge called for order. Mel threw a fire extinguisher at him and it violently exploded blowing up the senate.
The president then arrived.
"I am the president of the United States and I demand to know what's happened!" Mel then decapitated him.
The film ended with Mel being carried away by children.
The board of directors were horrified. They wouldn't allow this film, especially because of the political climate, see the light of day.
"But!" Homer whined.
"Tell him Cave of Wonders." said the directors.
"NOW YOUR MOVIE WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAAAAAAYYY!" roared the sand tiger head of the cave of wonders from Disney's Aladdin.
"Okay, okay... uh look! Samuel L Jackson!" said Homer.
"Where?!" said the directors distracted.
"Yoink!" Homer took the copy of Mr Smith with all the violence etc.
Homer and Mel ran away.
"I have no idea why the Aladdin Cave of Wonders tiger needed to be there..." Bart winced. They were still on the tour.
They met someone who knew Lisa.
"Hi, you must be Lisa's mother. How's she doing? Did she say what happened?" said the ferret wearing bitch from season four.
"I'm fine Valentina. What do you mean what happened?" Lisa asked.
"Guh! That your boyfriend kept attacking me so my mom pulled me out of the school!" Valentina pointed at Oscar.
"Okay first up, he is not my boyfriend. Secondly you goaded him into loosing his temper by wearing dead animals you monster! Oh and I'm vegetarian now. So I really, really hate those that wear dead animals..." Lisa ranted.
"Eh whatever loser..." the posh bitch left with her mother.
...
At a car museum Bart saw some Batman and Robin Dummies in the BatMobile.
"Wow! Those dummies look so life like!" said Bart.
"Thank you chum. I have had a lot of surgery." said Adam West as Batman, that Bart thought was just a dummy.
"Shhhhhh! Mr Lamato will fire us if you don't shut up!" said Burt Ward as Robin.
"Oh my god! Batman!" Oscar fangasmed.
"Oz that's not Batman..." said Bart.
"Sure I am Batman! Look here's me with Robin..." said Adam West as Batman.
"Sssssshhh! We're supposed to be quiet and not moving..." Burt Ward said sharply. They both sat still pretending to be mannequins.
Then they went to watch a shooting of Rainer Wolfcastle in Saving Irene Ryan.
He was running through a war zone carrying an old lady who was annoyed at him.
"Put me down you big lummox!" The old lady yelled.
"Shut up stupid old lady! And stop kicking me there!" said Rainer Wolfcastle.
Oscar used the film studio phones to ring up Stewie Griffin. This time he was annoyed that Oz.
"Yeah..." Stewie sighed.
"How about a game of mahjooooooooong?" said Oscar deepening his voice when he said mahjong so it sounds like what people probably sound like when you're on acid.
"How about a game of you must die!" said Stewie annoyed.
Then Homer and Mel Gibson were in a high speed chase in the Mad Max car with the executives chasing them to get the film reel of the violent new edit of Mel's The Atlantis Report or Mr Smith etc.
"Give is back that film! It'll destroy Hollywood!" said the executives.
"Never!" Homer yelled.
Oscar winced.
"Oh man, that's all we need: more Mel Gibson Jesus mumbo jumbo. Well, not if I have anything to say about it. I am going to make sure this never sees the light of day." said Oscar.
"You're on those stuffy executives side?!" Bart asked.
"Yes! Because I hate that racist asshat Mel Gibson!" Oscar snapped.
"Jews are inferior!" Mel Gibson yelled.
"Shut up!" Oscar snapped.
...
Then there were the constant Mel Gibson film references...
"Who's car is this?" Bart asked as he hitched a ride with his dad and Mel in the Mad Max car.
"It's from one of the Mad Max films. The ones I was allowed in..." said Mel.
"They fired you from Mad Max 4 for a reason you jerk..." said Oscar also riding in the Mad Max car.
"Well I know what women want..." said Mel.
"No you don't... you got electrocuted in a bath tub by a hairdryer and you briefly could read minds... I can read minds... but I'm a telepath!" said Oscar.
"Give us the film!" The executives yelled.
"Homer it's no good. Just give up..." Mel sighed.
"No! We shall moon them like in Braveheart and they'll be horrified and disgusted like the English and will flee!" said Homer.
"Uh no. Homer the film ended in a bloody violent battle and..." said Mel.
"Ye gods mother! Why have you rented The Man Without a Face again?!" Skinner cried.
Homer winced.
Then The executes saw him and Mel and Bart mooning.
"What the?! Who are those guys?!" The grey haired executive yelled.
"Well I recognise Mel, then there's a little boy but I don't know who the other two guys are..." said the goat beard executive.
"I'm one guy you idiots!" Homer yelled.
Their car crashed into his enormous butt. Homer cried in pain.
"You bastard! You stole my gag!" The Mask from the first The Mask film yelled.
Homer's film eventually got premiered. The audience hated it.
The crowd at the premiere were horrified by the movie and Homer was arrested for high treason for his movie.
The end.