About Horses

Felix took a deep breath. "...So, is it true that Flayn asked you if you'd come on to horses and chickens?"

"Aw, Felix, were you listening in on our conversation?" Sylvain teased.

"Ugh, no, you know how quickly the rumors spread around here." Felix rolled his eyes. "This is a school, you moron."

"Whatever you say~" Sylvain shrugged and winked. "But since you mentioned the rumor mill, you know they have to start from somewhere."

"...Meaning?"

"Well, it probably started from that time I got caught in the pens with one of the wyverns. Then somebody probably turned it into a pegasus, and somebody else probably turned it into a horse..." Sylvain tapped the guesses off on his fingers as he spoke. "...And then some other people probably decided it was 'actually' a cow or chicken. That's gotta be it."

Felix didn't know what part of this took the longest to process, or what he should actually react to, or if the chain kind of sort of almost made sense on its own. He was too busy trying not to vomit to think too hard.

Finally, he cried, "You actually slept with a wyvern?"

"Well, yeah, of course I fucked a wyvern. I fuck like a wyvern, you know. I could give you a demonstration if you like." Sylvain winked again. "Heck, I wouldn't mind getting fucked by a wyvern... Sounds pretty nice, actually!"

Felix gagged. "Why are you like this?"

"Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it! I'll try anything once, you know, just to see what it's like. And man, wyverns feel so good like you wouldn't believe..." Sylvain grinned and got a distant look in his eyes. "So rough and wild, but also warm and comfy! Though I wouldn't mind trying a horse or pegasus... I am good at riding, you know..."

More retching from Felix, which Sylvain didn't seem to notice.

"Honestly, the only reason I haven't tried a pegasus yet is because I'd probably get kicked in my utterly flawless Lance of Ruin before I got close enough," Sylvain continued. "You know how finicky they are... Though I'd love to be known as the first man who rode a pegasus."

Felix groaned and covered his face with his hands.

"And besides! Wyverns, horses, and pegasi literally can't bear my Crest babies, and pegasi really don't want them anyway! So that automatically makes them better than pretty much all women."

Felix groaned louder. "Do you hear yourself? Why does anyone put up with you?"

"I dunno, because of how gorgeous I am, probably." Sylvain winked again and rested his hands behind his head. "So do you want that demonstration right now or not, Felix~?"

Felix turned around and stormed off. Maybe he'd find a knife in his dorm room that he could use to gouge out his ears, or his brain, so he could forget about this conversation. He regretted asking in the first place. Given how long he'd known Sylvain, he really should know better than to ask these questions.

Meanwhile, Sylvain just shrugged, whistled, and started walking towards the stables. The people working on stable duty were probably done by now... Maybe he could go for a ride, so to speak...