I'm Goin' to Praisland Ned finds a sketchbook of his late wife Maude where within she wanted to open an amusement park called praiseland. Meanwhile Moe goes insane with hilarious results!
Plot
The church is holding an ice cream social.
"Ice cream at church? I'm intrigued, yet suspicious." said Bart.
Oscar had gone with the Simpsons today,
"Oscar you don't even like church..." Bart commented.
"I love ice cream though!" Oscar replied he had a triple scoop ice cream of three flavours.
"Yeah ice cream is great." said Bart.
Homer looked at the ice cream flavours. They had holy names. "Blessed Virgin Berry. Command Mint. Bible Gum."
"We also have Unitarian ice cream." said Lovejoy.
The Unitarian tub was empty. "There's nothing here!" said Homer.
"Exactly." said Lovejoy.
"Give me one Tower of Babel and build it to the heavens." said Homer. He got five scoops. "To Heaven!" Helen kept giving him scoops.
"Bless you." said Homer
Homer got greedy and had a tower of different flavours. However when he passed a power line the ice cream got zapped and melted covering him in a pink cold mess.
"Aaaaaw!" Homer moaned.
"Haha!" Bart laughed.
Trunks from Dragonball Z went past with a Tower of Babel Ice cream too.
Bart sweat dropped.
Frink had made a cow that made the ice cream inside of it so it could be milked for ice cream
"The first stomach has rock salt, then sugar cream then flavours and then freon so cold it burns me!" said Frink.
"I'll take the darkety kind." said Cleatus being racist.
Frink made him a chocolate ice cream.
"Now you go back to the cotton fields Mr Ice cream!" said Cleatus.
"I'll have a chocolate and vanilla swirl." said Marge.
The cow shook her head and refused.
"Now come on Moonilda! You can do this!" said Frink.
Mootilda kicked him hard in the crotch.
"Right in the Glavinoid!" Frink groaned.
"If David the Robot was a character he'd make a vanilla and chocolate swirl ice cream from his nose!" said Oscar.
"Eeeeew!" said Bart.
Meanwhile Nelson was in the hospital tent because he got brain freeze. Dr Hibbert prescribed squirting hot fudge into his mouth.
"Nnnnnnngh... Ooowwwww..." Nelson groaned.
"Oh my! This is the worst case of brain freeze, or a cold sensation headache I have ever seen!" said Dr Hibbert.
"Now you might taste a slight chocolatey sensation." said Hibbert.
"Ugh... owwwww... Ivan Reitman..." Nelson groaned as Dr Hibbert squirted hot fudge into his mouth to treat his brain freeze.
"There is no Reitman! Only Zuul!" said Ivan Reitman in a deep demonic voice.
Oscar screamed and fled.
"Oh look Marge! The couch of Sloth... Yeah whatever God...A hard working man such as myself needs to rest..." said Homer looking at a rather comfortable armchair. He sat in it and grinned.
Marge sighed.
"Now where's the TV remo-" asked Homer but Ivan Reitman yelled "Zuuuuuuuul!" and conjured up demonic arms of unseen monsters from the armchair to pin Homer down. "Mmmmmmmmmph! Mmmmmmmmm! Mmmmmmm!" Homer struggled panicking.
"Oh Lord!" Marge gasped.
Lisa screamed.
"Ay carumba!" Bart yelled.
"Sweet Pythagoras!" Hugo yelled.
Oscar screamed and succumbed to a violent heart attack and fainted.
Then there was the entertainment.
"And now for this festivals entertainment." said Lovejoy on stage.
"I swear if he says a sermon I'll throw a hymnal at him..." said Oscar.
"They call her the Christian Madonna..." said Lovejoy.
"Aheheheheh! It's a funny! Cos in Italia we call the blessed mother Mary, Madonna! Ahohohoho!" Leonardo Da Vinci laughed.
"I meant the satanic, slutty pop star... not the mother of our Lord!" Lovejoy sighed. "Rachel Jordon!" He continued where he left off before Leonardo Da Vinci interrupted. Everyone cheered as Rachel Jordan arrived on stage with her band.
A Christian Rock Band. Ned recognised it was headed by Rachel. The Christian Rock player he made friends with in Alone again, Naturadiddly.
"Hey it's Rachel! That lady you had a crush on!" said Homer to Ned.
"I do not have a crush on her..." said Ned annoyed and blushing.
"Are you blushing? You are blushing?" said Homer.
"No I am not!" Ned said sharply.
"Yes you are, Mr Flanders!" Lisa teased.
"Homer, Lisa! leave him alone!" Marge told them off and to stop pestering him.
"Yeah Ned can't be sure he likes her until she likes him back..." said Oscar playing with a cootie catcher. The paper beak thing opened and shut as he counted amount of times he needed to open and shut it.
"This says I have cooties." said Ned as his cootie catcher fortune said he had cooties.
"You have cooties!" Oscar giggled.
"Oz this Cootie catcher has "You have Cooties" as all the fortunes..." said Lisa.
"I know!" Oscar laughed.
Rachel finished her song.
"That was brilliant! She even found a rhyme for Hezekiah!" said Lisa.
Ned then bumped into Rachel Jordon, the lady playing Christian rock at the church shortly after Maude died. She agreed to stay over at his house to catch up.
"We both like the same ice cream flavour! Plain ol vanilla!" said Ned being boring with his ice cream.
"Actually they just ran out of all the other flavours and topppings." Racheal sighed.
Ned sighed.
"At least put a Cadbury's flake in that ice cream Ned..." Homer sighed. "Mmmmmm! 99..."
"Certainly not!" said Ned annoyed at Homer butting in on his conversations.
"Ugh... Ants are crawling in my mouth but I just don't care..." Hugo groaned as he lied on the floor with his tongue hanging out near an ants nest as ants crawled into his mouth.
"Hugo get up..." Bart groaned.
Meanwhile the Simpsons listened to Newsboys playing I was born again!
Heavy, badass guitar riffs
"Aw nuts... Church has ruined Rock..." Bart groaned.
"What do you mean?" Marge asked. "They made it more wholesome!" said Marge.
"That's the point Mom. Rock was cooler when it was all drugs and devil music and the church and grownups hating it!" said Bart.
Marge sighed.
...
Rachel Jordan went round to Ned's for coffee.
"Well it's great to see you again Ned." said Rachel Jordon.
"I thought I had lifeguard Duty today at the baptismal pool?" Ned asked the fourth wall. Okay that's hilarious! Let's do that!
While Rachel looked after Rod and Todd, Ned went life guard duty at the Springfield Baptising pool that is also owned by Reverend Lovejoy. It's a baptism pool... it's his domain.
"Hey! No splashing in the baptism pool! No running round the pool Bart!" Ned as the stupid sexy lifeguard yelled from his chair and blew his whistle every time someone broke a rule. "Hey! No heavy petting!" (That means no snogging or making out in the pool.)
Meanwhile Rachel was bored when she found every tv channel on Ned's TV was locked out except for Christian cartoons like Veggitales.
Also Rod and Todd were quite happy to sit and be quiet all day. And Ned forbade them from every board game in the house for silly reasons... ie because some cards had a cartoon Devil on the box...
Lovejoy took a break from baptising people in the pool because Hugo violently thrashed about because he thought he was being drowned.
"That Hugo Simpson has some teeth on him..." said Lovejoy. "I think I need a tetanus shot."
"Uh huh. Listen Tim, I kinda swallowed a tooth pick again while violating Dubai's odd no buttocks bumping laws at a party the other week..." Ned jabbered on.
Lovejoy stuck his fingers in his ears and went off singing Bringing in the sheaves! Bringing in the sheaves!
Ned sighed.
"Oscar no! I really don't think you should go straight to blessing yourself in the pool right after eating that double burger and fries! And where did you get that?! There's no food here!"
"I went off to the nearby Krusty Burger..." said Oscar.
"Well you shouldn't go swimming straight after eating." said Ned.
"Fine... said Oscar.
Oscar sat on his sun bed to eat his burger. Why they have these at a baptismal pool I don't know.
Oscar shrugged while eating his burger.
Jimbo and his friends were splashing and shoving each other.
"Hey no horse play in the baptismal pool." said Ned telling them off.
"Hey shut it!" Oscar yelled riding a horse.
"Not that kind of horse play, Oz..." Bart groaned.
People were lined up around the pool wearing white gowns waiting to be baptised.
Homer forbade his kids from being baptised.
"Homer!" Marge nagged.
"Marge, I don't want them growing up like little weirdos like Rod and Todd." said Homer.
Marge grumbled annoyed.
Homer got baptised.
"Wow, Dad! You took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?" Bart asked.
"Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo... after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan." said Homer in a heavenly and calm manner like he was born again.
"Wait.! Homer.! What did you just say?" Ned asked.
"I said, shut your ugly face, Flanders!" Homer yelled.
"Oh. Fair enough." said Ned.
St. Augustine said boring preachy bible things while riding on a hippo.
Bart winced at this sight.
Bart was running round the pool again. However he tripped and hurt himself. His head bled.
"Oh no! I cracked me noggin!" He put on a silly British accent.
"Right that's it! I'm gonna bloody kill him! I will!" Oscar ran at Bart but Hugo restrained him.
"Might I remind the author this episode is about Ned and Rachel Jordon." said Lisa.
I'm getting to that!
Lisa flinching hearing the booming disembodied voice.
She Found Hugo restraining a very angry Oscar who was trying to throttle Bart for talking in silly accents and offending him.
"Hi big bro," Lisa greeted her other older brother. The supposedly evil one.
Hugo grinned. "No longer scared of me then?"
Lisa sighed. "Hugo... I know you're uh... not well... mentally... But you're still my brother."
Before Hugo could continue the conversation Ralph butted in.
"Your living teddy bear's feet smell like peanut butter." Ralph said to Oscar who had since calmed down.
Oscar winced.
Teddy confused raised his right rear paw or foot paw and stared at it, twirling his foot.
"Okay I'm going swimming..." said Oscar. Snapping down his green goggles over his eyes he headed towards the pool.
Plot 2
Anyway Ned arrived home.
"How were the boys?" Ned asked.
"Oh they were angels." said Rachel.
"Well now we can have that coffee." said Ned.
They had coffee. Ned didn't approve of any cafes or restaurants or going out anywhere as all sorts of things he found sinful.
The NASCAR green.
Homer was horrified to see Greenpeace men dismantling the race track.
"Noooooooo!"
"Daaaaaad! They're giving Nature back its land..." Lisa protested.
Homer wept.
"Oh god! Nature! It burns!" Bart cried.
Lisa frowned.
Elsewhere Ned seemed to be getting on well with Rachel Jordon.
"Maybe you should invite her over." McGee from McGee and Me suggested.
"My place? What would the neighbours think?" Ned gasped.
"We're the neighbours, and we don't think." said Bart as they got home from the NASCAR track after watching it be dismantled by Greenpeace.
"Hey! I'm in this family and I do a lot of thinking, Bart!" said Lisa frowning.
"So do I..." said Hugo reading a big, studious book full of complex topics such as quantum mechanics etc.
"Stop embarrassing your brother! We don't think!" Homer snapped.
Marge frowned at him.
Ned wasn't sure.
"I don't think he's ready to let Maude go." said Oscar.
"Now just wait a Maude gone minute! Now I loved Maude, but she's gone. It's time I moved on!" said Ned.
"Well if you're sure Ned." said Rachel.
However Ned was still obsessed with Maude to the point there was an indentation in his mattress where Maude slept.
"Um do you mind sleeping on my side? I'm trying to preserve Maude's indentation." said Ned.
Rachel rolled her eyes.
He even tried to give Rachel a Maude hair cut during the night.
"Oh my! Ned you're not over Maude at all! I'm leaving!" Rachel stormed out.
"Rachel no!" Ned cried.
...
Later Homer was slapping Ned for being so stupid. However he slapped him too much despite Bart trying to stop him.
"Diddly."
Homer slaps him.
Oscar laughed.
Homer slapping Ned as he laments in gibberish.
"Dad! Enough! Stop!" Bart yelled.
They then agreed to destroy Maude's stuff.
"Well I think it's best you guys sort it out, if it were up to me I'd never get rid of it." said Ned.
"You know it makes sense..." Homer smiles as he got to work throwing away anything that reminded Ned of Maude.
"Don't throw that! That's Rod's first tooth!" Lisa explained.
"Oh cool! We can use this for witchcraft!" said Bart.
"Bart I don't think that's on the syllabus at Springwarts..." Oscar explained.
Bart rolled his eyes.
Homer went through Ned's shoes. "Wow... three pairs of shoes... someone has a fetish..."
Oscar picked up Maude's shoe from one of her many pairs and inhaled nasally from it deeply and groaned aroused.
"Oz, enough! You sick twisted fruit!" Bart yelled.
However Lisa found a sketch book.
"Hmmmmm..." Lisa read it. Then she passed it to Ned.
Ned read it.
"Praise Land... Why Maude! You wanted to build a Christian amusement park! That was your last wish!" said Ned.
"Let's build it for her, Daddy." said Todd.
[Chuckles] "Oh, that's a nice thought, Toddy. But to build an amusement park, you need lots of money and manpower and turnstiles." said Ned.
"But Mommy wanted it." said Rod.
Lisa sobbed and cried into a hanky.
Bart rolled his eyes at her.
(sobbing) "Those poor sweet boys!" Lisa blubbered and sobbed.
"Hot dog! Well boys let's make your mother happy!" Ned went off with Maude's sketch book.
"Well Ned, if you're looking for somewhere to build an amusement park, you can always try Story time Village. It got shutdown after that boy got his head chopped off." said Marge.
Oscar laughed.
"Oz how is that funny?!" Bart yelled.
"It just is... Hehehehe!" Oscar laughed.
...
Then Homer had an optometrist appointment.
"Sir read the letters on the board please." said the optometrist.
"I ate pee pee." said Homer. The optometrist was baffled but we pan over to Bart writin on the board. Bart laughed deviously.
...
Ned bought an abandoned amusement park from the Rich Texan because it was abandoned he got it cheap. Plus the Texan guy had to take an important phone call from the Republican Party Headquarters.
"Uh Huh? Yes. Next Tuesday. Alright." said Rich Texan.
Of Course he wasn't willing to part with the park until Ned said he was building a Christian theme park.
"Sell Story time Village? You must be off your tuffet!"
"But it's been closed for so long! I wish to turn it into a Christian amusement park!" said Ned.
"Ah well that's different. I'm a Christian man myself! Put it there pal!" said Rich Texan.
Ned jabbered on about God etc.
"It just sickens me... That there's not more people like you in the world, pal!"
Homer and several others helped build Praise Land.
However Homer just wanted to burn down the old buildings of the park whereas Ned wanted to save money building over them.
"Dad no! No burning things..." said Bart.
"Burn! Buuuuuurn!" Oscar has a flamethrower and was a little obsessed.
Bart sighed.
Groundskeeper Willie provided some of his finest sawdust for cleaning up vomit.
"Do I detect the slightest hint of cinnamon?" Homer smelt cinnamon in the sawdust.
"I'll never tell..." said Willie in a camp manner.
"Here are some old costumes from my The Last Supper pie throwing sketch." said Krusty.
Oscar laughed. "Pie throwing."
Clownja giggled.
Bart sighed.
"Here are some fireworks I confiscated. Some Chinese people were claiming they were celebrating new year. In February..." said Wiggum donating fireworks.
"Oh those crazy Chinks..." Homer sighed.
"Dad!" Bart yelled.
Oscar laughed.
Bart frowned at him.
Ned lifted the giant shoe of The Old Lady who lived in a shoe.
Loads of beer bottles fell out.
"Oh my! It seems one of the reasons Story Time Village closed is because some darn teenagers kept drinking here!" said Ned.
"Um yes... those darn teenagers..." said Homer nervously.
...
They continued building.
"Geppetto's workshop can double for the stable in the nativity scene." said Bart.
"Oh good! From one carpenter to another! Why not just invite the Carpenters! Karen and Richard!" Oscar said sarcastically.
Bart frowned at him.
Lisa had an idea of what to do with the Three Little Pigs. "We can turn these 3 Pigs into Wisemen."
"Um... the pigs as wisemen... uh... that might be rather offensive Lis..." said Oscar.
Lisa rolled her eyes.
"Can I burn things?" Homer whined.
However the park was extremely boring. The ghost train was just an animatronic of David who would stop the ride, lock the occupants in and read every single one of his psalms!
"Halt! Who dares disturb King David?" King David boomed.
"Coooool! You're biblical dream self got a cool menacing voice!" said Oscar to Bart who rolled his eyes.
"That looks nothing like Bart." said Hugo.
Bart winced exasperated.
"Silence! You have invaded the chamber where I wrote all ninety of my psalms!" King David boomed. He reads all of them...
The kids including Bart, Oscar, Boy with pink shades, Milhouse, Lewis etc cried and tried to get off of the ride.
Ned tried to sell Maude masks to Wiggum.
"Hi I'm Maude! And I'm feeling super!" said Ned wearing a Maude mask and putting on a silly voice.
"I wanna wait in the car! I'm scared Daddy!" Ralph cried.
"Lets both wait in the car." Chief Wiggum added as they left. They were creeped out.
Lenny then wanted to buy something.
"How about a Noah's ark of jelly beans?" Ned asked.
"Oh cool! Two of every flavour!" Lenny was enthusiastic.
"No actually they're all plain... but that was a super idea Lenny!" Ned replied. He made a note about Lenny's idea.
"Aaaaw..." Lenny went off disappointed.
Nelson was annoyed there was no hammer at the whack a devil game.
"Where's the hammer? How do I play this stupid game?" Nelson asked.
"You whack him with your faith!" Ned explained.
"My face?! What's wrong with my face?! Are you saying I'm ugly?" Nelson yelled.
"No! I think you're beautiful!" Ned explained. Omg! Yeeeeuck!
"What!? That's it! You're dead!" Nelson got understandably angry and chased after Ned.
...
Everyone eventually got fed up and left the park.
"This is the height of tedium!" said Mel.
"Worst park ever!" said comic book guy.
"Goodbye everybody!" said Dr Nick.
"What sort of amusement park doesn't allow alcohol..." Barney ranted.
"Um every amusement park..." said Lisa frowning at him.
"Well I'm still leaving." said Barney.
Carl left because the park sold carob instead of chocolate. Carob is a substitute for chocolate. The plants are similar.
"Any park that sells carob um... isn't for Carl Carlson..."
"We're trying to ween Chocolate boy and that screaming fish from Spongebob off of the chocolate..." said Oscar.
"Did someone say CHOCOLATE?! CHOCOLAAAAAAATE!" Tom the fish screamed.
Plot 3
Moe wanted to leave.
When Ned asked if he wanted his hand stamped so he could come back in Moe threatened him.
"Would you like me to stamp you so you can get back in?" Ned asked.
"Get outta my way punk before I..." Moe threatens him. Ned retreats.
Everyone left.
"This isn't an amusement park! It's a bemusement park!" Ned sighed.
"No! Don't say that!" Homer gasped.
"But it is! It is a bemusement park!" Ned replied.
Marge sighed forlorn.
Suddenly a Maude mask was picked up by a gust of wind and floated around the statue. Everyone gasped as if it were a sign.
"It's a miracle!" Ned gasped.
"It's a sign!" Edna gasped.
"It's raining men!" said Oscar. The Simpsons gave him an annoyed look.
"What?" Oscar asked.
"Just ignore him..." Bart sighed.
"What's that sign? You want me to shoot everybody?" Chief Wiggum asked.
Everyone gasped in horror.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"I'm just kidding!" Chief Wiggum explained.
"I'm not," said Oscar reaching for his gun.
"No Oz!" Bart groaned.
...
"Obviously there's a logical explanation for-" Principal Skinner replied but suddenly he fell on his knees and started talking in tongues.
"He's speaking in tongues!" Lisa exclaimed.
"Kill him!" Grampa yelled.
Agnes slapped some sense into her son. "Seymour! Knock it off!"
"Oh... I just had a vision! I was in heaven!" Seymour gasped.
Everyone was shocked.
"It was a wonderful golden school!" Seymour explained. "The staff room was beautiful and all the kids were well behaved!"
"Was I there?" Bart asked.
"No! It was heaven! My heaven!" Seymour replied.
Everyone else had a go. However Homer wanted to make them pay to have visions.
Disco Stu saw himself at a heavenly disco where he met Frank Sinitra.
"Frank Sinatra?!" He asked.
"Well pally, for me this is hell!" Frank explained as he welcomed Disco Stu into the disco.
St Peter as a bouncer let him in.
John Travolta was upset St Peter let Disco Stu in.
Comic book guy imagined he was on the Star Trek enterprise. Something had gone wrong with Kirk's chair.
"I need an old priest and a young priest! The power of Christ compels you!" Kirk yelled with way too many pauses.
Comic book guy zapped his chair with his Vulcan eye lasers and it calmed down.
"You've saved the captains life!" Explained Uhura. "I want to make love to you! And so do Catwoman and Agent 99!"
Spock Comic book guy squeezed his burrito too hard and the filling flew out.
Back in reality.
"It's a sign we should all go nuts! Waaaaaaaagh!" Moe screamed before grabbing Agnes's bag and kicking it far away.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"You awful man! What were you thinking?! Go and get that for me!" Agnes told Moe off.
"Yes Ma'am..." Moe apologized and went to get her bag.
...
At the Simpsons house.
Oscar was watching Guinness book of records. Kent was hosting.
"And now the man with the least amount faces. none!"
There was a man with no face!
"HELP ME!" He cried. Or tried to. But it's a bit difficult without a mouth.
Oscar screamed in horror.
"Okay you're not watching that anymore..." Homer sighed.
"Oscar! Piano lessons." Marge called Oz.
Oscar groaned and went to the front room of the house.
Lois rolled her eyes at Marge.
"Oz I thought you were interested in learning the piano." Marge asked.
"No I said I want to become a piano! A blue one called Oscar with my own orchestra..." said Oscar.
"Oz stop friggin mentioning Oscar's Orchestra!" Bart groaned.
However Ned discovered there was a gas leak under the statue and this was what made the mask float as well as making people goofy and have visions. Unfortunately the health advisors on the phone explained the gas could be toxic or even flammable...
Poor Violet and Patches the orphans were playing with sparklers near the statue.
"Nooooooo!" Yelled Ned in slow motion.
However it was too late as a spark from the sparklers ignited the gas causing an explosion that killed everyone!
"Oh great the narrator killed us..." Bart sighed as they all ascended to heaven.
"I'm coming Maude!" Ned said happily.
The end!
Oscar: There you have it. Rachel Jordan became a terrible singer. I have learned she got punished.