Turning Point
Summary: Buddie fic. Caught off guard by a sudden self-revelation, Eddie is faced with a crossroads that could lead to the point of no return for his relationship with Buck. Meanwhile, Buck is trying to figure out why his best friend is suddenly pushing him away, determined to get answers and fix whatever has broken.
Disclaimer: I do not own 9-1-1 or anything associated with the show.
Author Notes: This is my first 9-1-1 fanfic, and the first fanfic I have written in years. I recently became obsessed with the show, and thanks to Tiktok, I'm also now obsessed with Buddie. Damn you Tiktok!
And now I'm posting this first chapter before I change my mind and talk myself out of it. I hope you enjoy the ride!
Set after season 6.
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Chapter 1
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Eddie wasn't sure when it happened. After all, sometimes you don't realise you're falling until your body hits the ground, hard. All he knew was that one day, as he stared at his best friend from across the way and felt his heart skitter in his chest at the sight of that idiotic smile, he found himself realising he was in love with Evan Buckley.
Of course, he tried to deny it, tried to push the feelings down. But the more he fought against it, the more it was tearing his mind apart. He felt lost, even as he sat there on the couch in his own home, surrounded by everything that should have felt familiar and safe.
The bottle of beer, cold against his palm, reminded him of earlier that day and to the small family barbeque his tía had set up. A celebration, she said, for nothing more than being there and being present, and considering the nature of his job, that was more than enough reason to celebrate. He had tried to ignore her ulterior motive of encouraging his most recent relationship. Since finding out about Marisol, his tía had done her upmost best to ensure that they had plenty of reasons to get together.
Eddie had taken Buck with him for back up, but looking back, he was beginning to realise his mistake.
"You okay?" Marisol asked, taking a seat next to him on the couch and sliding in close. She lifted his arm up a little and placed it around her, laying her head on his chest.
"Hmmm…?" he questioned, having only half heard her, his mind still in that late July sun, hearing the laughter from Christopher and Buck as they played with the overly bright and colourful water guns Buck had brought with him.
"You've been distant all day," Marisol continued, looking up to him.
"I'm fine," he answered, taking a swig of beer and only glancing towards her momentarily before looking out across the room once more. But it wasn't the room he saw, it was the memory again.
The memory of the wide smile on Christopher's face as he and Buck fought, Buck acting as if he didn't have the upper hand, cautious with Christopher but not overbearing. The chuckles from Buck as he dodged the burst of water from another child's water gun, only to find himself struck firmly in the centre of his chest by a blast of water from Christopher. The overdramatic death performance had Chris laughing all the more, and while it had brought a smile to Eddie's face earlier, now it left him with a hollow feeling in his chest that he couldn't explain.
"Is it Chris?" Marisol pushed, placing her hand in Eddie's and weaving her fingers between his.
Eddie shook his head, attempting to shake himself back to the present and from the fog of memory trying to drag him down. "No, Chris is fine. He's with Buck."
They were having a sleepover, Buck's idea so that Eddie could 'hook up' without worrying about Chris. He had fallen asleep even before it was time to go, Buck carrying him to his car, insisting all the while to Eddie that he had it.
"Maybe what you need," Marisol continued, her breath warm and wanting against his lips, "is a little distraction."
Yes, he thought to himself. A distraction. Something to take his mind away from everything else, something to stop him thinking about the blue eyes of a very different person and the idiotic smile that both drove him mad and made his heart come alive all at once. A distraction…
"Oh, yeah?" he asked, adding a teasing tone in an attempt to play the part.
She slid onto his lap and pulled the bottle free from his grasp before placing it down on the table. From there, she sat up and looked down at him, biting her lower lip as her eyes drank him in. Her fingers played across his chest, light and taunting as they moved lower and lower until they were gripping the bottom of his shirt and encouraging him to pull it off. He obeyed and allowed himself to relax further into the couch as she caressed his skin with kisses. Closing his eyes, he spread his arms out over the top of the couch and let her take the lead.
When her mouth finally claimed his, he pushed forward and kissed her back, his fingers moving up into her hair. He tried to ignore the tightening of his chest, and the way his mind kept bringing up flashes of images behind his closed eyes, instead trying to focus on the moment, on Marisol and those hands of hers that now found his belt. He tried to swallow the name that wanted to claw its way from his throat, forcing it into a ragged breath that was starved and wanting. And as he finally opened his eyes to see Marisol smile before moving to lay more kisses on his neck, he couldn't go on.
He stiffened, withdrawing from her spell, and pulled himself away. It wasn't until he was standing and on the opposite side of the couch, refastening his belt, that he found he had the strength to speak again.
"I can't," he breathed out, unable to look at her.
"I don't understand," she answered, pushing up from where he had abandoned her. "You can't, as in right now? Or you can't ever?"
He couldn't speak, couldn't bring himself to offer her up an answer, but truthfully, his silence was all the answer she needed.
"Right," she continued, letting go of a snort and snatching her bag up from the table beside the couch.
He went to grab her wrist, raising his gaze to meet hers, pleading settling in his eyes and voice. "Marisol…"
She pulled away easily from his loose grip and shook her head. "You know, I thought if I had you alone, I would be able to convince myself that I was the one you wanted. I really thought… But I see now that you were trying to convince yourself of the same thing."
"It's not…" he tried to say, but she cut him off by stepping closer and placing her hands on his chest.
She placed a kiss on his cheek and met his eyes. "Goodbye, Eddie."
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Buck woke to the sounds of Chris calling to him from the kitchen of his small apartment and stretched out. He pried open his eyes and took in the rays of light streaming in from the windows, announcing a new day, and yawned through his lazy smile. He had set Chris up downstairs on the sofa bad – his newest piece of furniture since he had parted ways with Natalia.
"Hey, sleepyhead," Chris taunted from the kitchen, gripping what Buck guessed was a bowl of sugary cereal that Eddie most definitely would not agree with. But what Eddie didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
"Are you stealing my Froot Loops again?" Buck stretched out some more, raising his arms above his head as he headed down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"And what if I am?" Chris questioned, his smile as bright as the sunshine that warmed the room.
"Well," said Buck, "there's only one thing for it."
He moved to the cutlery drawer and opened it up, pulling out two spoons.
"Froot Loop Battle!" Chris cried out, pumping his arm into the air in enthusiasm.
"Froot Loop Battle," Buck concurred taking a seat beside Chris at the table and handing him one of the spoons. "Now, remember the rules?"
"There are no rules," Chris answered, before immediately digging into the bowl.
"Hey! No, that's cheating," Buck argued, tone playful before digging his spoon in too and stealing a spoonful of the sugary cereal for himself. They used the spoons as play swords before Buck stole one more spoonful and headed off to get ready, ruffling Christopher's hair as he went and earning himself a groan of embarrassment in return.
"Remember," he called over his shoulder, "I'm dropping you off with Carla before I head to work."
"I know, Buck," Chris called back, and Buck smiled as he imagined the kid to be rolling his eyes at him.
Sure, others would no doubt see it as a favour to Eddie, having Chris spend the night, but the truth was, Buck got just as much out of it. He loved spending time with Chris and he would happily tell anyone who asked, and even those who didn't ask, that for him, having Chris in his life was a blessing. And Buck would take every blessing that was given to him, no matter how small.
It was almost eight by the time he had dropped Christopher off and made his way to the firehouse. He could see Eddie just ahead of him and quickened his step until he was close enough to latch onto his best friend's shoulders, announcing his arrival.
"You know, your kid does not play fair," Buck joked, swinging himself around so he was in front of Eddie and walking backwards between the fire engines. "But we got there. Dressed, teeth brushed-" he counted off on his fingers as he made the list "-and now currently telling Carla all about his latest plans to build a fortress replica of some kind with you and Marisol for his school project. Speaking of which… How did things go last night? Did you finally make your move?"
Eddie stiffened and came to a stop, his gaze flicking toward Buck briefly before looking away. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Are you telling me those Diaz charms didn't work on her?" Buck teased, coming to a stop also, but as he studied Eddie more closely, his brow furrowed, worry settling in.
"We broke up," Eddie answered with a tight smile, akin to a wolf baring his teeth in warning.
But Buck had never been very good at listening to warnings. "Why?"
"I wasn't feeling it, okay?" Eddie spread his hands out in front of him, that smile turning to an irritated frown. "Now are you gonna let me past, or are you going to ask more questions about stuff that is, quite honestly, none of your business?"
An unsure smile played across Buck's face, his eyes narrowing at Eddie as he tried to figure out if he was being serious. But the harsh look in Eddie's dark eyes had Buck sinking into himself. He could practically feel himself shrinking under the glare and slid far enough out of the way for Eddie to stride past him and toward the changing room.
"Someone missed their dose of caffeine this morning." It was Hen who spoke, coming to stand beside Buck, one hand in her pocket and the other holding a disposable coffee cup.
Chimney joined her, chewing on a slice of toast with a slight frown, his gaze still lingering on the path Eddie took. "What was that about?"
"I think Eddie got dumped?" It was the only thing Buck could come up with. After all, when he had left the barbeque, Eddie had been fine. Maybe a little quiet, but he was fine. Right?
Hen raised a sceptical eyebrow and Chimney merely snorted.
"I should go talk to him… right?" Buck questioned, looking between the pair.
"No, no, no," Hen answered, shaking her head. "I mean, yes, eventually, but right now, I'd say that our boy needs some space."
At that, Buck squirmed. Space? That meant patience, and patience was not something Buck was good at. "Are you sure?"
"Or, you know, by all means – go talk to him. At least it will provide us with some entertainment."
Buck huffed out. "Thanks."
"Anytime," was all Chimney replied, clapping Buck on the shoulder as he made his way further into the firehouse.
Hen's featured softened, along with her voice as she gave a sympathetic smile. "Give him some space. He's probably just having a bad day."
"Yeah," Buck answered, shoulders slumping, defeated, "sure."
Knowing Hen was no doubt right didn't make it any easier for him. And as the morning went on, the twinge of tightness in his chest only worsened. Paranoia skirted at the edges of his mind, threatening to sink it's claws in deep. He didn't miss the way Eddie left the table at mealtime when Buck took a seat, or the way he spent the rest of the dinner on the punching bag. That is, until Buck went to talk to him, and all of a sudden Eddie seemed to remember he needed to be somewhere else.
Buck could only stare after him as he left the area, feeling more than a little lost. Eddie was avoiding him. He had no doubt in his mind, even though he knew the others would say he was overthinking things because that was what he did. By the end of the day, when the shift was over and they were getting ready to head home for the day, Buck knew for certain he was right.
He quickly changed and grabbed his bag, spinning on the spot to look for Eddie who was already on his way out the door. Determination drove Buck forward, and he moved quickly after Eddie, almost colliding with a member of the B team as he tried to slide past them.
"Eddie!" he called, but Eddie made no attempt to slow down. "Eddie! Wait up!"
And still, Eddie didn't stop. Not until Buck was directly behind him and placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Eddie, look – I shouldn't have pushed things earlier. I'm sorry," Buck blurted out as soon as Eddie finally turned to face him. "What do you say you and Chris come over and I make that new dish Cap has been teaching me? I'm like, ninety percent sure I've finally perfected the meatballs."
A look of pain seemed to flash across Eddie's eyes as he opened his mouth to answer, though no sound came out. But then it was gone and he swallowed hard, jaw stiffening, his words just as tight and clipped. "I don't think that's a good idea right now, Evan."
The sound of his first name took him back, feeling like a dagger in his chest. It was stern and distant, nothing like the playful or caring times Eddie had used it in the past. Confusion and hurt swept over him, twisting up his face as he tried to find the right words, but in the end, the only thing that made it past his lips was, "Yeah, sure, Eddie."
Buck found his feet rooted to the spot, numbness holding him still, unable to process much of anything as he watched Eddie turn away and leave. He stayed like that, staring into the now empty space until Hen placed her hand on his shoulder.
"Everything okay?" she asked, soft and caring, looking up to him with concern
"He… he called me Evan."
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A/N: Thank you for reading! More to come soon...