This story came to me when me and my fiancee was discussing the Skulduggery Pleasant books. I don't know how this topic occured, but I was just jokingly saying that "Do you think Skulduggery can feel pleasure, since he can feel pain? And I wonder how his other relationships that he has had since he became a skeleton has looked like." My fiancee then replied with "Maybe that's why he's so angry all the time: HE'S THIRSTY!"

And so I decided to write a small story about Skulduggery and Valkyrie having a discussion around said topic and this is what I came up with. I hope you guys enjoy it and feel free to leave a review and tell me what you thought! :)

Valkyrie Cain sat in the Bentley with her partner, Skulduggery Pleasant. They had just finished yet another mission that China had given them and they were now on their way back to her Uncle Gordon's house. The house belonged to her and had done so ever since her uncle had died when she was twelve years old, but even though more than twenty years had passed since his tragic and too early passing, she still saw the house as Gordon's. She hadn't changed much in there as she and Gordon had had quite similar tastes in decor and because she wanted to honor her uncle's memory. By leaving most of his things as they were in the house, it was as if Gordon was still in the house, watching over it.

Neither of them said anything, just listened to the sound of the Bentley's tires rolling across the asphalt. Valkyrie glanced at Skulduggery where he sat next to her right side. She had done that several times during the twenty minutes they had been in the car. She had a question she would love to ask him, but didn't know if she would dare to ask it as it was quite personal and might even make him angry or downright humiliated. The question she wanted to ask him had been gnawing at her for weeks and she knew that if she didn't ask the question soon it would be the only thing on her mind.

Skulduggery turned his head towards her and Valkyrie hurried looking out through the car window. She pretended not to notice him turning his head towards her and looking at her. She was afraid he would see in her that she had something to tell him and she didn't want to do it until she was ready.

"Out with it, Valkyrie."

"What?"

"I know there is something that worries you. So out with it."

Valkyrie felt herself blush and glanced back at Skulduggery. "Well… It's something I've wanted to ask you about for a long time. Although you are a living skeleton and technically not really alive, or at least not alive in the way the rest of us are, you can still feel pain, anger, joy and other emotions."

"Yes, I can, and it's something you've known since the day you first met me, and in other words, it's nothing new. What I cannot understand is how that knowledge can make you blush."

Valkyrie took a long, deep breath before she hurriedly asked, "Can you feel lust too?"

Skulduggery was no longer glancing at her, but had turned his whole head towards her. He stared at her without saying anything for so long that Valkyrie had to reach over and grab the steering wheel. The car had started to veer to the side and was dangerously close to crossing into the wrong lane.

"Excuse me?!"

"You heard me!" Valkyrie said blushing even more.

"Why are you asking?"

"Because… I'm just curious. I mean... You've had relationships with others since you became a skeleton. Two that I know of: Abyssinia and Cassandra."

"That's right. I've had more than that, but I'm not going to mention any names or places where it happened."

"You don't need to either. What I'm trying to say is I'm curious how they worked? What did you do? How far did the relationship go? Was it just hugs and kisses or did you do something more?"

"Valkyrie, I'm pretty sure I've told you before that I don't want to talk about it."

"Not even with me? I have told you about my relatonships!" Valkyrie crossed her arms and glared at Skulduggery.

"Because you wanted to talk about them. There is a difference."

"Now you are being unfair."

"No I am not. What I want and don't want to tell you is entirely up to me. I know there are things you haven't told me and probably never will either, so I don't need to tell you about my relationships either."

"But you can at least answer my question, right? Can you feel lust?"

Skulduggery didn't answer her question. He concentrated instead on driving. Valkyrie suspected he didn't want to cause an accident. She therefore took the opportunity to study Skulduggery to see if he revealed anything through his body language. Unfortunately Skulduggery didn't want to tell her anything because he was completely relaxed and she couldn't decipher one thing or the other. He was completely neutral which only added to her frustration even more. In an attempt to try and get him to reveal himself, she tilted her head to the side like he usually did and smiled teasingly at him.

"Do you know what I think?"

"Do I really want to know? I have a feeling I'm not going to like what you're going to say next from the look on your face."

"I think the reason you're so angry and willing to use violence is because you're actually sexually frustrated."

Skulduggery stepped on the brakes and the car's sudden stop sent Valkyrie flying forward in the passenger seat and made her hit her forehead on the dashboard. She screamed and grabbed her forehead at the same time as she turned towards Skulduggery. "What the hell, Skulduggery?!"

Skulduggery looked at her in a way that told Valkyrie she might be in trouble. Skulduggery's body was tense and he gripped the steering wheel so tightly that she could make out his legs through the fabric of the gloves he always wore. She ignored his tense body shack and instead glared at him. "Why did you do that?! Now I'm guaranteed to get a giant bruise on my forehead!"

"Valkyrie, why do you ask such a stupid question?"

"It's not a stupid question! Everyone can get sexually frustrated at some point, right? Why wouldn't you be able to be too, given that you basically have all the other feelings left?"

Skulduggery put one of his gloved hands over his face for a few seconds before turning back to Valkyrie. "I'm not sexually frustrated because I can't have sex."

"Of course you can! Sex doesn't have to involve penetration, you know."

Skulduggery sighed. "I can't believe I'm seriously sitting here and having this discussion with you."

Valkyrie couldn't help it: she smiled triumphantly. She felt a little proud of herself for managing to make Skulduggery uncomfortable, as this was not something that happened often. She leaned forward against him as close as the seat belt would allow her and looked into his black eye sockets. "At some point you must have thought about what it would be like to have a sexual relationship in this form if you haven't already tried it?"

"Even if I would, rhetorically that is, it's none of your business, Valkyrie. I'm almost beginning to suspect that maybe it's just you who's frustrated about something you don't want to deal with."

"Don't try to turn this around, Skulduggery! Now it's not me we're talking about, but you. Come on, you can tell me! I am your partner and do not judge you. Besides, I am extremely curious."

Skulduggery cocked his head and studied Valkyrie for a moment before saying, "Can't it be that you are the one walking around with dirty thoughts, Valkyrie? I know it's been a while since it ended with Militsa and it's perfectly normal, especially for a young woman like yourself, to have desires that need to be satisfied."

Valkyrie felt her cheeks turn red again for she didn't know which time in the order this evening, but instead of looking away she continued to look into Skulduggery's eye sockets. Their faces were only a few inches apart and she suddenly became aware of how hard her heart was pounding in her chest and how much her head was spinning. "As you told me before, Skulduggery: What I want and don't want to tell you is entirely up to me."

Skulduggery laughed. "So now you're using my own words against me?"

"What are you going to do about it?" Valkyrie asked challengingly, her teasing smile having returned to her lips.

Skulduggery didn't answer but instead put his hand on Valkyrie's cheek and caressed it slowly. Valkyrie was so surprised that she gasped and placed her hand on Skulduggery's thigh in pure reflex. He froze when he felt Valkyrie's warm hand against his leg but he didn't say or do anything. Valkyrie bit her lip, marveling at how natural it felt to have her skin against Skulduggery's cold bones. She knew it could be the magic that held Skulduggery's clothes up and gave the illusion that he had skin underneath that made her find it pleasant, but she didn't think so. She had hugged Skulduggery many times before and even kissed his cheeks a few times and all those times she hadn't found it to feel strange, rather completely natural.

Skulduggery is not like others and never has been. I don't care that he's a living skeleton with no muscles or skin. He's more human than anyone I've ever met.

Before she could relent, Valkyrie tightened her grip on Skulduggery's thigh and let her thumb slowly caress his leg, causing Skulduggery to shudder. Valkyrie couldn't help but smile and caressed his thigh slowly with her whole hand. She then slowly, slowly began to walk upwards towards Skulduggery's hip bone. She let her thumb caress it as she let her remaining fingers caress the inside of his thigh just in front of his pelvic bone.

Skulduggery took a breath and pressed the hand that was on Valkyrie's cheek harder against her skin as he pushed himself closer to her. Valkyrie could feel small shivers running through Skulduggery's body and the realization that she could make Skulduggery feel what he was now experiencing filled her with a warmth she hadn't felt since she had separated from Militsa.

"How does this feel?" she whispered, continuing to stroke Skulduggery slowly.

"Good…" Skulduggery whispered, placing his forehead against hers.

"I was right," Valkyrie said, letting her other hand travel up to Skulduggery's neck. She let her fingertips caress the vertebra there, causing Skulduggery to let out a low moan.

"About what?"

"That you can feel lust. I can feel it in the way your body reacts to my touch."

Skulduggery leaned closer to Valkyrie and whispered in her ear, "Yes, but only towards you…" before moving his hand from her cheek to her neck and kissing her.