TW - brief mention of assault, it isn't graphic.
There is blood mentioned and death.

There is also smut in this chapter. Enjoy!

Dimitri laid Eddie in the back seat of his car and opened the passenger side door for me. I cradled my arm against my chest, wincing from the pain. My head was pounding; releasing the ghosts was more draining than fighting.

"Roza?"

"What do I tell them?" I voiced, glancing at Eddie and then Dimitri, "They'll want to know what happened."

He moved to my side, fingers ghosting down my face and shoulder, "Just say you were attacked and fought them off. Send an Alchemist to the area to clear the bodies away."

I angled my body towards him. "I need you to pop my shoulder back in. I can't carry him in with just one arm."

His brows knitted together. "It'll hurt. A lot."

"Just do it."

Dimitri took my arm, testing the motion and positioning it. I bit my lower lip to hold back the whines of pain. "Who was she?" I asked to distract myself, "Why did she call you her student?"

"Because I was," he replied gruffly, "Galina was my teacher back in Siberia. Now she's dead, there will be a fight to take her spot."

"What?" I tried not to tense.

His eyes flicked to mine. "Breathe."

My shoulder made a sickening sound when it popped back in; the pain shot through me, and my knees buckled. Dimitri took my weight, and I buried my face in his chest, breathing in the scent of his leather coat. "Is…is she running the Strigoi mob or something?" I continued in a shaky voice.

"Something like that. You killed a very dangerous Strigoi tonight; you have to be careful in case anyone retaliates."

Dimitri led me to the car, helping me in before crossing to his side and climbing in. We sped out into the street; Eddie released a pained moan, more aware than before but still weak. I glanced back at him and met his tired expression; he gave me a small nod to reassure me that he was okay.

"What about you?" I asked Dimitri, "Won't they come for you?"

"I'll be okay." He peered at Eddie in his rearview mirror, "None of you should go out alone at night for a while. I'll keep an eye on your apartment just in case."

I looked at Eddie again as he nodded at Dimitri. He licked his lips; they were stained with blood. "I still don't like you," he rasped.

Dimitri scoffed, "I don't like you either."

I had to carry Eddie into the building, his arm over my shoulders and his weight against my left side. Dimitri watched from afar, unable to get closer because of the ward. When we reached the apartment we were greeted by a wall of questions and a terrified Lissa.

I passed Eddie to Lissa and told her to heal him while Janine sat me down at the kitchen table with a stern expression and the first aid kit.

"What the hell happened?"

"Strigoi," I answered; not much else was needed. I didn't want to describe the fight because I didn't know how to remove Dimitri from it and explain how we survived. I gave them the street name and how many bodies the Alchemist needed to dispose of.

Janine stayed by my side, a slight tremor in her hand when she cleaned the blood from my forehead. "From now on, I'm restricting movement after the sun sets. We don't go out unless we have to," she declared.

My heart sank, but I expected as much.

I messaged Dimitri from my phone as I laid in my bed afterwards; I didn't know when I would see him again.

Unknown number: As long as you're safe. I'll always be nearby.

It was over a week before Janine cleared Lissa to leave at night. I hadn't been able to leave the apartment for anything other than Lissa's classes or training at the gym. Janine hovered, always asking to spar on my days off. I couldn't get away.

I felt the weight of the darkness.

Maybe that was why I felt more trapped.

Healing Eddie had the effect Dimitri was worried about; I took the darkness from Lissa and my control was slipping. I was always so angry. Every small thing set me off. I threw myself into training with some hope of working it out, but it didn't help.

I wasn't sleeping much, and instead, I stayed up reading the books Lissa obtained about spirit. That was more counter-productive than expected; it kept mentioning Vladimir and Anna. I got dragged to the dark recesses of my mind and knew the same fate awaited me.

I didn't tell Dimitri—I knew how he would react.

"Maybe you'll get to see Dimitri tonight," Eddie whispered as we waited at the car, a tentative smile on his face. After he accepted that Dimitri had saved his life, he believed that Dimitri wasn't a threat to me. I doubted he trusted Dimitri, but it was good enough.

It was for Lissa's degree—a chance for students to mingle with the teachers. In our last year, we needed a mentor to complete our assignments. Lissa was excited and compiled a list of who would be the best for us. I couldn't care less. My education didn't matter to me.

What use would it be if I would be insane in a few years?

Christian came as Lissa's plus-one, and Eddie was mine. Janine pulled some strings and managed to take Chelsey's place in our classes, able to step into the space left empty as if Chelsey hadn't been for the past eight months. The other guardians sat outside and patrolled the area; I wasn't close with them. Other than professional small talk, we didn't interact much. It was very different compared to before.

The gathering was held in the conference room at the University, on the top floor with floor-to-ceiling windows that showed the city in the setting sun, lights twinkling in the distance. Tables were arranged throughout the room, and a buffet lined the back wall. Students mingled, talking to teachers and previous students who agreed to come and tell us how amazing their final year was.

I would rather be anywhere else. I didn't even need to pass the degree; Court would find a way to get me into all of Lissa's classes even if I failed. What was the point of trying?

My job in life was as a guardian. I didn't need some degree in politics and public speaking to do that. Just tell me where to aim my stake, and I could do the rest.

"Could I talk to you for a moment, Rose?" Jainie whispered, by my side with a pleasant smile aimed at anyone who glanced our way. She held a glass of alcohol-free wine they offered, more for appearances than anything else.

"Right now?" I gestured to Lissa and Christian. She couldn't have waited until we weren't working.

"It won't take long. We will stay in the room."

We stood in the corner of the room, appearing as if we were enjoying the view while still watching the exits and Lissa. "What's up?" I asked, my arms crossed. I was ready to go on the offence; I doubted it would be anything but a warning to get over my attitude.

Janine studied me with an expression I wasn't used to. "I know it isn't something we've discussed in the past, but are you involved with someone, Rose?"

I choked on my spit. "What?"

"I've noticed the hickeys on your neck and the way you look at your phone when you get a message. I'm not blind."

I squeezed the bridge of my nose. I did not want to talk boys with my mother. "That's… Do we have to talk about this here?"

Her expression shifted, almost wistful, "I remember when I thought I was in love. I don't want to tell you it's wrong, because it isn't. But I want you to be sure it's what you want. You have been erratic this week, and temperamental. If that is all because of someone you are involved with, you need to learn how not to let it affect you when working. When you're a guardian, you can only be a guardian."

"Is that it?" I demanded, "Can I go back to working?"

I wasn't being nice; it wasn't like Janine was trying to be rude, but she didn't understand. It wasn't because of Dimitri that I was a ticking time bomb. Janine must have expected a different response from me; her face fell and then became guarded.

"That's all."

"Good," I muttered and stormed away. Socialising was the last thing I wanted, but I went to Lissa's side and joined her conversation with Lacy so Janine couldn't pull me into another pep talk.

We had been at the party for an hour when I felt it. I didn't panic—I knew exactly who caused the wave of nausea. I looked across the room and met deep brown eyes. I didn't even notice the red in his eyes anymore.

I felt Lissa's confusion when I stopped mid-sentence, and then her understanding when she followed my eyes. She nudged me, "Go talk to him."

"I'm working," I hissed.

Lissa sighed and pushed me again. "Eddie is here, and Janine is watching. If anyone asks, I'll tell them you went to the bathroom. Just go."

Janine's warning played in my head, but I missed Dimitri. I desperately needed a distraction from the darkness. "Fine. Just let me know if Janine comes over."

I waited until I could slip out quietly, a quick call on the radio to the team that I needed the bathroom. The hallway was empty when I entered it; I followed my senses around the corner and found Dimitri leaning against the wall, hands in the pockets of his coat.

"I wasn't sure if you would get away," he admitted with a ghost of a smile, "but I'm glad you did."

An itch was under my skin; my hands flexed as I was overcome with a need to touch him. I looked to the side, and an idea formed. I gripped Dimitri's shirt and pulled him close. I opened the closet beside us and dragged him in with me before I shut the door and pushed him against it.

Dimitri made a sound of surprise when my lips met his; my hands framing his face before they drifted down and under the hem of his shirt. It was exactly what I needed—what I craved. I needed the release.

Briefly, I thought of Lissa and the amount of trouble I would be in. But at that moment, I didn't care.

I kissed him feverishly, sliding my tongue against his as my hand undid his belt. Dimitri kissed back, though paused when I opened the front of his jeans. "What are you doing, Roza?"

"What I want," I replied and kissed him again. I wanted to touch every part of him, trailing my lips across his jaw and down his neck. "Tell me you love me, Dimitri," I requested, my hand sliding past the band of his underwear.

"I love you," he declared, eyes watching me intently. I could see the question in his eyes—the moment he was connecting the dots. I squeezed his cock in my hand and began to rub it, working him to full hardness.

"You won't leave me?" The question was desperate. A plea for that promise he wouldn't leave me when I reached my breaking point.

Dimitri's gaze became concerned; brows creased together as a hand softly cupped my cheek. "I will never leave you, Roza."

I kissed him again; my hands fisted in his shirt to make him bend as our lips moved against one another. When I broke the kiss, I dropped to my knees and pulled his underwear down his thighs. I stared up at him with the head of his cock hovering inches from my mouth. "I'm going to make you come, Dimitri."

Confliction clouded his eyes; a tender hand brushed through my curls. "I'll do anything for you," he promised. "Is this what you really want to do?"

I didn't break eye contact and breathed, "Yes." I wrapped my lips around the weeping head of his cock, flicking my tongue over him before I took more of him in. Dimitri gripped my hair, both hands cradling the back of my head and moved my mouth along his dick, swallowing more each time until my nose brushed his lower stomach.

He groaned when he hit the back of my throat; his hips jerked forward followed by a moan of pleasure. "Good girl, Roza. Just like that."

I knew I was limited on time, using my hand and mouth to please him. Each sound I drew from his lips encouraged me to go faster. When he began to thrust, I relaxed my jaw and allowed him to chase his release.

Desire grew in me, settling heavily at my core. I rubbed my thighs in hopes of some relief. I considered just sinking down on his cock and telling him to fuck me until I was boneless. I wanted him to leave me exhausted; take my mind off the darkness and my bleak future. I wanted to just think of Dimitri and only him.

Maybe I should let him take me away. Maybe I could find something better than giving my life for Lissa's safety.

The what if's clouded my mind, only to be broken by the feeling of Dimitri fucking my mouth earnestly. I gripped the back of his thighs and gazed up at him. The affection in his eyes mixed with desire. When he smiled at me, I swear I could come without him touching me.

No matter what happened to me, if I had Dimitri, I wouldn't care about the outcome.

Muttered words fell from his lips, each coated in a sweetness, like honey. They filled me with warmth and chased away the cold edges of my mind. Dimitri released a deep groan, thrusting once more into my mouth before becoming still. "Черт возьми."

Dimitri rested against the door, hands gone slack so I could pull back. I licked the tip and swallowed every last drop before I released him with a wet pop. I smiled up at him, "Did you enjoy that?"

He laughed; a puff of breath and a blissed grin on his face. "Very much, Roza."

A thrill went through me, but it quickly became cold and panicked. I wasn't in the closet with Dimitri anymore; I was in the hall, and a man was leaning over me with a sickening look in his eyes.

Lissa was in trouble.

I snapped back to myself. Dimitri said something, but I heard none of it as I jumped to my feet and pushed him to the side.

I did it again. I stopped paying attention to Lissa—now she was in trouble when I should have protected her. Dimitri called after me, but I left him behind as I searched the hallway to figure out where Lissa was. I slipped back into her mind, feeling my blood boil as I felt her fear. The man had cornered her; they weren't in the hall but in a bathroom.

I sprinted down the hall, hearing the muffled sound of yelling when I got closer. I kicked the door of the bathroom, ripping the wooden frame off the wall and surprising the man pressing Lissa against the wall. I recognised him as a teacher from a previous class, remembering the looks he used to give Lissa, and my stomach turned.

I saw red. Only one thing mattered in my mind at that moment—I needed to protect Lissa. Nothing mattered but destroying anything that threatened her. I was across the room and pinned the man to the floor. My fist moved without much thought, brought down on his face over and over.

He was the enemy.

I had to protect Lissa.

Someone was screaming.

I felt hands on my shoulders, but I brushed them off and continued to beat the man under me. He was trying to hurt Lissa, and he would pay the price. He had to pay.

Another person gripped my shoulders, ripping me away from the bloodied man, and forced me to the other side of the room. I tried to fight them. My vision had tunnelled, and all I could see was the leer he gave Lissa. After I was done with him, he would never be able to smile again.

"Roza! Stop! You have to stop!"

"Let me go!" I screamed, "He has to pay!"

"He's dead, Rose! He's dead."

I froze. Every part of me felt like I was encased in ice. A horror settled in. "N–no. I…"

The red receded, and I blinked at the gruesome sight in front of me. There was so much blood. The man laid still, not even the movement of his chest rising. Just completely still.

Dead.

"No," I protested weakly. I gripped the hands holding me. "No. I… I didn't…"

It took everything in me to look away from the body, wide eyes finding Dimitri beside me with an alarmed expression. The way he looked at me, the pinched corners of his eyes, and the grim set of his lips gave me my answer.

"Oh God, Rose," Lissa whimpers to the side of me, hands covering her mouth as horrified eyes stared at what I did.

At the man I killed.

My knees buckled. Dimitri caught me, carrying my weight as I shook. I watched my hand tremble; my knuckles were covered in blood. I couldn't even remember if it hurt—couldn't remember how many times I hit him. What have I done?

"We have to get out of here." Dimitri's voice was gruff; his hold was painful, roughly pushing me out of the bathroom and dragging Lissa with him. "Rose, take the Princess and–"

"No," I whimpered, crumbling to my knees as soon as he released me. "God, it happened. It happened. I did it again."

"Rose–"

I looked up at Dimitri, pleading, "I didn't kill him. Please. Please, tell me I didn't–" I sobbed, but the sound quickly transformed into a laugh. "I didn't kill Jesse last time. But I killed him. I killed. This is it. Everything is falling down. Everything is falling apart."

A hand wrapped around my chin and made me look up at piercing brown eyes. Dimitri was crouched in front of me, eyes boring into mine. "Roza."

I laughed. "I'm a murderer. I knew it would happen. I knew. But I always thought it would be my life. It was meant to be mine."

"What the hell is happening to her!" Dimitri demanded with a look of rage. Of course, he would be angry. He vowed to stop hurting people, while I killed humans.

I was worse than a Strigoi; they didn't have a soul. What was my excuse?

"It must be the darkness," Lissa gasped. "She didn't—Rose, why didn't you say something?"

"What the hell is going on here!" My head snapped to the side to find my mother. Janine approached slowly, eyes flicking around the hall before resting on me. "What happened here, Rosemarie?"

It was like I was watching from afar, I didn't even feel in control of my body. In a matter of minutes, my life was falling apart in front of my eyes.

"Don't move, Roza," Dimitri ordered softly. He stood in the blink of an eye and managed to surprise Janine, pinning her to the wall and staring into her eyes. "Take the Princess home. I'll take care of Rose. Do not tell anyone about this."

I blinked at them, unable to focus for long before I was drawn back to the bathroom. How could they cover it up? A guardian that kills innocents—they wouldn't let me stay by Lissa's side. I was broken, falling apart at the seams.

Soon, there would be nothing left of me.

I curled inward and buried my hands in my hair, tugging until I could only feel pain.

Cold hands gripped my shoulders and pulled me up. Dimitri shook me and growled, "I need you to focus on me, Roza. Just focus on me."

I tried to break his hold, clawing at his hands as a sudden need to escape took over. "Let me go!" I screamed, "You can't fix this! It's over. It's all over, Dimitri!"

His arms wrapped around me, caging me against him as I tried to fight. Dimitri didn't budge; each time I tried to break free, he just held tighter until I couldn't move. "This isn't you, Rose. Come back to me. Come back to me, Roza."

I stilled. My strength left me even as the mess in my head continued to fog everything. "This is me. I'll be like Anna. There's nothing left of me—soon it will only be the darkness."

"I'm not losing you, Roza. Come back to me," Dimitri repeated; his hold began to feel like safety rather than a cage. "I love you. I won't lose you to this. You can fight it—I know you can."

Slowly, his words broke through the haze. I focused on the smell of his coat, the feeling of his chilled skin and his loving touch. Tears welled up in my eyes before spilling over. I clutched at him, shaking in his arms as I came back to myself.

"Dimitri," I cried, "I messed up. God, I messed up so much. What am I going to do?"

He drew back and framed my face with his hands, eyes locked on mine. "Go to the back stairs and wait for me there. I will take care of everything."

His words had an edge—a command—I felt the need to follow. I nodded.

"Go. I'll be there soon," Dimitri promised, "I'll take care of everything."

It was a promise that should make me feel assured, but it only filled me with dread. I followed his order and stumbled through the building to the back stairs. I huddled on the steps with my hands tucked under my arms to hide the blood.

I took a life. I had no idea how Dimitri could fix anything. Lissa saw what happened, and so did Janine. There was no coming back.

I had truly fucked up this time.