I know some of you are aching to see more Escort stuff coming along. Bear with me. I'm a sucker for character development, establishing a deeper relationship and well… drama. There will be plenty of EE business coming. Promise. Until then…

xx

Where the past changes the course of the present drastically..

"So.. What's going on with you?" I ask to break the silence. Christian is acting strange since yesterday when I left his parents house.

Actually no. He has been acting more weird than usual since I crashed at his place after Kate's bachelorette party. I don't know what happened that night but whatever it was… it must have been bad. I woke up in his playroom, only half dressed. By now, I knew him well enough that he hadn't taken me there. So it was my doing. I swore to myself that I'll never get drunk again after that. Whatever I did that night, I'm glad I can't remember a single thing.

"What do you mean?" he says and takes a sip from his drink. The wedding reception is going according to plan, thankfully. I don't think Kate can take any more bad news or accidents before loosing her mind completely.

"What I mean is.. You almost forgot to give them the rings ." For a moment I feared he'd proclaim that Kate wasn't good enough for his brother or something. I know he doesn't like her. That.. Or he'd fall over and have a seizure. Whatever happened there, it wasn't like him at all.

"Yeah, I promised to forever hold my peace. " He winks at me. Out of the corner of my eye I see three women talking to each other, staring at us.

I let that topic pass. He won't tell me anyway. Sooner than later we are seated at our dinner table, speeches are given about either the groom or bride. Laughter erupts to past stories and tears are shed to proclamations of love. All in all, it is a beautiful wedding reception and I couldn't be more happy for Kate.

When dinner's finished, Christian leaves me for a moment to talk to an old friend as he said. The first dance of the bride and groom is going on the dance floor when I spot him in the back, leaning down to speak to an older blonde woman who was staring at us earlier. I wonder who that is and why he won't introduce me.

At first they are just talking but it seems their debate gets more heated. Christian is looking rather angry at some point and the blonde won't back off. Weird. Whoever that is, she isn't afraid of him and I'm pretty sure there aren't many people on this earth who could handle Christian Grey's anger.

Suddenly both of them are looking at me. I feel trapped in one of those cheesy love triangles I've read about in my favorite romantic novels. I shake that thought aside and focus back on the dance floor onto which Kate's parents are stepping.

"Wanna dance?" I hear a male voice behind me.

"Jose!" I smile at him. I haven't seen him in ages. I think the last time was when Christian and I went to his photo exhibition. It took me days and days of persuasion for Christian to agree to go with me. I just didn't want to go there alone. But Jose had apologized for what happened. Several times. And I wasn't one to hold a grudge. Unlike Christian.

"Sure." I say and look at Christian who is still talking to that woman.

"So.. How have you been?" He asks when I put my hands around his neck and begin to move to the music.

"I've been all right. Nothing to complain about really. How about you? Where's Talulah? "

"We broke up a few weeks ago." He says.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that." I mean what else can I say. Jose is a nice guy but maybe not the most faithful. I've caught him cheating on his ex once in college. Even though I don't know why they've broken up I have this feeling that this was the same old story. Or maybe I have become a judgmental asshole and Christian negativity has rubbed off on me. Poor Jose.

"So no one new since then?" I ask to break the silence.

"Yeah, seems like all the women I want are either taken or not interested." He stares at me with a heavy gaze before he pulls me closer to him. Is that a hand shifting towards my butt?

That makes me really uncomfortable. Why does he need to say it like that? Thankfully his hand stops right above the inappropriate zone.

"You're still with that Grey guy?" he asks.

"She is." I hear Christians voice. Where did he come from out of sudden. "Do you mind if I take over?" Christian gives Jose a fake smile. Oh boy, is this a pissing contest?

Jose looks kind of annoyed.

"See you later." I try to apologize. He just nods and leaves us. I just realize him and Christian haven't even exchanged a single word. They obviously hate each other.

"What was that for?" I ask him when he pulls me close.

"He wants to get in your panties. Big time." He says close to my ear. His voice gives me goosebumps.

"You're delusional. He's just a friend."

"Probably the only thing we have in common. Wanting you." He says and his grip on my lower back tightens.

"You're the only one I want." I say and feel the heat rising to my face.

"The feeling is mutual." He whispers in my ear and plants a small kiss in front of my earlobe. I lean back to look at him. He has the most sensual, loving gaze on his face. I cannot help but wonder what he's thinking. Does he really feel the same way that I do? He has asked me to move in after all.

We kiss, forgetting we're standing on the dance floor for everyone to see. Our relationship wasn't secret for months now but still we kept the PDA to a bare minimum when others were present. I think Christian was still getting used to the idea that others knew his relationship status.

Before we pull apart I feel the heat rising to my face again. Not out of embarrassment but arousal. We haven't been together for several days now and I have missed him every single one of them.

Slightly breathless I look at him.

"Do you want to go somewhere more.. private? "I ask quietly, hoping he'd understand.

He pulls me closer and I feel his erection. Yeah, he does understand the assignment.

One moment we're on the dance floor, the next we're in an employees locker shagging against a wall.

I need to close my eyes to compose myself. God, I had missed him badly.

"Thank you." Is all I can manage to say. Who knew one could get addicted to sex?

He just laughs to that while zipping up his fly. "I did pictured us fucking on this wedding, however this location isn't what I had in mind." He says and looks around the venue's employees locker. It is rather stuffy in here.

"Do you feel better now?" I ask and surprise him.

"Yeah, I do. How did you know?" That he needed some relief from whatever is bothering him?

„I know you better than you'd like." I say. I can play the mysterious game just as good as him.

I see his jaw muscle clench for a second. He definitely has an oral fixation, with all this teeth clenching and nightly grinding.

„That's not a bad thing." He says, as if to reassure himself.

I stand on the tips of my feet to kiss him and frankly to put him out of his misery.

We exit the room and head towards the party. The music gets louder with every step.

"Christian, who was that women you were talking to?" I ask and wonder for a minute if this was the right time. I already feel his remnants oozing out of me. I need to find a toilet before our encounter is visible on my dress.

Surprisingly he doesn't answer me right away. Is he at loss for words?

"She's a friend. A business partner." Normally I wouldn't question him but something wasn't feeling right.

"What are you hiding?" I ask and I could swear Christian loses his composure for a minute.

"I'll tell you after the wedding. We should go. You probably won't want to ruin your dress."

Yeah, at this point I have to cross my legs to stop this accident from happening. I nod and hope he wouldn't try to bury the matter.

On the ride back to his apartment he tells me that that women was Elena Lincoln, his molester. Although he didn't use those words. Saying I am overwhelmed is an understatement. Seeing her in real life makes his past become real, almost palpable.

All I can feel is fury. Anguish. Sorrow.

Then he drops the bomb that she's the one who introduced him to EE and that she knows what we do. My feelings change. Betrayal takes my sorrows place. When he stops talking I just stare out of the window. Again, he just proved that I don't know him at all.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" We have been together for months now.

"I've never told anyone about what Elena and I did, except Flynn. I know I should have but.." He sighs. "I don't know. Maybe I was afraid you'd misunderstand."

"No, that's not what I meant. That she knows of my side income." I say and glance nervously to Taylor.

„I didn't want to burden you. I wanted to take care of that myself."

„I'm capable of doing that. You're not my Dom. If we want this to work in the long run, you better treat me as your equal in matters that concern me. In everything, actually."

Christian purses his lips, clearly unhappy with how I have questioned our whole relationship based on today's events. Not my problem. He better get his priorities straight.

„Of course I see you as my equal. I just wanted to protect you."

„I don't need your protection." I need your honesty and your love.

„Fine." He says and that's probably the end of the discussion for him. Not for me though.

"Why didn't you introduce me. Are you ashamed of me?" I ask. He says she's his closest friend and she's the only one I never met. If I'm honest I don't want to meet her at all.. Bloody hell, I'm such a hypocrite.

"Of course not. Elena was very adamant about getting to know you tonight. I told her to back off. She is already trying to interfere in our relationship. I don't want to complicate things more than they already are."

I hear his words but I don't really understand what he means. What kind of power does she even have over him to be able to 'interfere'?

"What were you arguing about?" I ask. I can sense that Christian prefers to end this conversation. Not this time.

"She threatened me to expose you to my mother." He sighs.

"Expose me?"

"Being a gold digger Escort."

"What?! She has some nerves..!"

"I told you I'd handle her."

"You can tell her she can go ahead and just do that while explaining what she did to you!"

"Ana. She's just my friend trying to protect me. Wait. Let me finish. I know she has no right to. And believe me. I fucking hate her for going at you like that. I will put her in her place. End of story."

I let his revelations sink in. Quietly we make our way to his penthouse. Taylor is out of sight the minute we set foot into his apartment. He's a smart man for sure.

"Tell me more about your friendship. How can you go from being her submissive to her dominant to just friends?" This has bothered me since he told me about her for the first time. If you ask me that's not possible. You cannot just make several ground breaking changes to a relationship and expect it to work out. Unless both parties are trying their best to keep that relationship alive. The way they were talking to each other tonight I'm not sure that Christian is still as eager to maintain this friendship as Elena.

"Dominant and submissive have a special bond that goes beyond.. "

"Beyond what?"

"Beyond vanilla relationships." What does he know? He didn't have a normal relationship in his life. This can't be his own opinion. Where did he catch that up?

"So, are you trying to tell me you and her still share that bond..? " Oh God, I think I might get sick.

"No, it's different. We're just friends now."

"Who fucked when you were a child."

"You don't understand what we had."

"No, I don't Christian. Because it was abuse."

"As I've said before, it was based on consent. My consent. I wanted to be in that relationship with her."

"Christian, you were fifteen. I know what consensual sex is and you were too young to consent."

"Right. Because having sex for money makes you the expert on consensual sex now?" He says angrily.

Wow. That actually really hurts.

"Is this how you see me? Always as a hooker?" I say and it's almost a whisper. So Elena still has the power to poison his mind.

He sighs loudly.

"No, Ana. Fuck, I lost my temper. I didn't mean it that way."

What did he mean then. It wasn't hard to misunderstand.

"Ana. Please. I'm sorry for what I said. I swear I don't see you as an Escort, not for a second. You're my girlfriend."

"I do feel like that's what I'm to you… a payed girlfriend." I say.

"Is this why you won't move in with me?" he asks.

"Maybe." Yes. I mean besides the trouble with EE I actually can't get my head around what he sees in me apart from a paid distraction.

"I wish you would trust me more." He says and leaves for the bar. I watch him pour himself a drink.

"I do trust you. It's just.. I don't understand you." Funny, how just today I said I knew him better than he thought.

"I've told you. Fifty shades of fucked up.."

"And I believed you back then.. But not anymore."

He raises an eyebrow at me.

"It's just not right. What she did." I say. At this point I'm questioning the reason we're having this conversation. We are just touching the surface, never really deep diving and resolving anything.

He has the audacity to roll his eyes at me.

"Anastasia, for the last time. I wanted it. All of it. What I had with Elena saved me. It was the only type of relationship I was able to have, the punishments were a necessary act, the sex a release. I cannot change the fact that you don't understand."

I stay quiet. This again. We always come back to the fact that I don't want to be punished by him. Like really punished. In the past we stuck dutifully to my limits, not even testing out my soft limits which included the majority of the punishments. Except the spanking…that was kind of different?We just went with it in the heat of the moment in his car.

I just can't wrap my head around the fact that he'd willingly hurt me. But then I'm not supposed to like it anyway just like… the idea of it, right?

"Why are you so angry at me?" I ask.

"Do I need to tell you the list?" he says and surprises me. There's a list? "You got drunk the night of the bachelorette party, you denied me yesterday, you danced with the guy who almost raped you." Funny how he makes his anger all about me when clearly he's upset about a certain blonde haired woman that has ruined our evening. I didn't see it as clearly until now… but Christian definitely is lying to himself when it comes to Elena Lincoln.

"Do you want to punish me right now?" I ask because it's the only thing that I can vocalize at this point. How am I supposed to put all of my confusion, feeling of rejection and hurt into words? I can't. So I just try to understand him.

"Yes." I don't get it.

It bonds us together

"Then show me." I say before thinking about it. There's no turning back.

I love you Christian.. I'd do anything for you to be close to you.

He's treated me pretty badly today, I shouldn't even want to please him right now. But I still do. Maybe I know deep down in my heart that Christian often doesn't mean what he says. Quite the opposite actually. He said he didn't want a relationship outside of what he knew. But we already have one. He said he didn't want to let people know about his private life. Still he introduced me to his family almost instantly. He's proven me with his actions his real intentions. If I'm honest, he does care about me in a way no other man ever has and I love him for that. Yes, I want to feel that connection, nourish it. I want him to see that what we have is real, based on consent, and what Elena did to him wasn't.

"Show me all of it. Show me how bad it can get. Make me understand." I want to feel that bond he's been talking about. I already felt it with what we had… but surely he didn't. What other reason does he have to repeatedly try to expand his rules to our non sexual relationship.

He stands still, assessing me and my words. Without a warning he pulls my hand and together we walk towards the playroom.

I'm nervous.

Before he opens the playroom, he turns around, grabs my face to kiss me with urgency. For a second I feel hesitation to kiss him back. Is this a preliminary apology for what he will do to me? Or just showing his affection? But then why punish me in the first place if he liked me for who I am? Wait, I'm still so ignorant about this... Why can't I just let it happen?

To my surprise he remains silent after pulling back. The room greets us with a familiar warmth and smell of sandalwood.

"Take off your clothes." His Dom voice startles me. It's manly but.. So cold and distant. I do as told.

"All of them." He says when I stand in my thong. So I bend down and pull that down too. I keep my eyes down. His distant behavior makes me feel even more bare, where normally I feel arousal and safety in his presence.

I can do this. I have a long list of things I want to make up to him. Surely I can take some rough spanking by him? Rougher..? Roughish? A little firmer than before?

"Hands." He orders and I hold them out in front of me. Leather shackles. Alright. I know those, they're not bad. From the corner of my eye, I see a belt hanging from his hand while he walks around doing god knows what. I don't remember him wearing one under his tuxedo.

When he's done he takes me by my bound hands and leads me to a table in the back corner. We've never used it before. There are high poles in every corner and several hooks attached to the side of it.

"Bend over." He says. Oh my God, this is really happening.

When I do and feel the cold wood against my bare body, I'm not so sure if it's the temperature of the table or the nervosity that's giving me goose bumps. He attaches my shackled hands to the upper part of the table. I'm stretched out and unable to move much, standing on my tiptoes.

"Ana, I'm going to punish you. Six times. Because you rejected me. Defied my wish to protect you. And I never want to see a rift between us. Do you understand? "

"Yes, Sir." I say quietly. Six times. Like the spanking in the car. I can do this. Technically he couldn't use those reasons to punish me because frankly I am just his bedroom sub. But.. who is counting at this point anyway?

"You're going to count with me." I'm happy to see it is indeed familiar to me. Maybe all of this will work out better than expected?

"Yes, Sir." I say and take a deep breath.

And then something hits me against my backside, so painstakingly sharp I cannot even scream. What the hell was that?

"Count!" he says and I just realize that it was the belt. He hit me with the belt!

"One." I blurt and fight with myself. I cannot cry. I won't cry. But he's hitting me with a belt! My natural reaction is to flinch away, but I'm trying to play along. Please him.

But what kind of pleasure is he even getting out of this? Doesn't he see I'm not enjoying this? That I've only agreed to do this to be closer to him? Build that bond… earn his love?

I cannot even think to the end. The next hit numbs my mind.

"Two." I'm holding my breath only to take a heapful of air when I push out those words.

"Three." No. This is awful. This isn't pleasure or the idea of pleasure or whatever he said about it.

"Four." No. NO. I can't do this. I'm sorry Christian. I'm not what you want me to be. I'm a failure.

I failed you.

I was thinking about posting earlier on Sunday again. After this cliffhanger not a bad idea huh?