The debriefing when super-super great, just peachy-keen, ... couldn't've been better!
Yes. We were late.
How's your day going?
Okay. You want to know how it actually transpired? Sure you do, because you're the kind of person who just loves watching an out of control shuttlecraft slam into the side of the landing bay then can't wait to count the bodies as they're ejected into space.
Bloody disaster-junky and ambulance-chaser, I wager!
Sigh. Okay. It happened like this.
...
"You're late!" was Captain Lorca's response to my request to enter his quarters.
It wasn't a 'yes,' so I waited, along with Michael Burnham.
Good thing. Captain Lorca stormed to the door, viewed the bridge, and shouted, "XO!" then turned tail and reentered his quarters.
Commander Saru went in as well. He turned to us and said: "Wait here, ... at attention."
Well, well, well.
So, a junior officer (me) and an undesignated member of the crew (that would be Michael Burnham) decorated the bulkhead outside the Captain's quarters for a while.
Lovely.
There were indistinct shouting as Captain Lorca's voice came through his ... soundproofed (?) ... (not so much) door. One thing I did hear was: "I asked for the best security officer Starfleet could send me and I get this?"
The bridge crew tried to pretend that they were just going about their duties and not straining every nerve to listen in.
I tried not to laugh. "I wonder if he knows he's funny?" I whispered out of the side of my mouth to Michael Burnham.
A second or two passed before Michael Burnham's reply came to me, also whispered. "I don't think we're supposed to talk."
Everybody's hilarious today, I mused, ... bemused. But I chose not to share this thought with Michael Burnham. Humor required perspective, and perspective seemed to be in short supply aboard the USS Discovery.
Commander Saru came out of the Captain's quarters. "Please follow me," he said, and we followed him to stand before Captain Lorca at his desk. Commander Saru posted himself beside his Captain, but it looked like he was in much trouble as we were.
Captain Lorca was scanning my dossier, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Lt. ... S'Vrall," Captain Lorca spat.
"Yessir."
His eyes snapped up from the dossier. He glared at me in fury.
Apparently, I broke a cardinal rule by interrupting his monologue.
Duly noted.
His eyes returned to my dossier. "You know," he said, "there are three things I hate more than anything in the world. The first thing is when I schedule a briefing with you and you show up Goddamn late!" He shouted that last bit.
He looked up at me. "Congratulations. I hate that, but then ... what I hate even more than that, is when everything goes FUBAR under my command, because it never, ever does, ... until yesterday."
He let that one sink in.
"But then, this." He looked down at my record. "What I hate even more than that are mysteries, and lookie here!"
His gaze returned to mine. "A complete, fucking mystery, so," he said, "we're going to figure you the fuck out, ..."
Good luck with that, I thought sarcastically.
"... or you're going to exit these quarters that-a-way, ... without a vac suit."
At 'that-a-way' he jerked his head toward the aft window of his quarters.
I wondered, given Captain Lorca's distemper, if my exit into space would be preferable.
I filed that thought away for further analysis later.
"Permission to speak candidly, Captain?" I offered.
He snorted at that. "Denied."
Okay, I thought.
"Lt. S'Vrall," he said again. "Interesting name. You know Vulcan names are vetted via Vulcan High Command. You can't just name your kid anything you please. Your name has to conform to the list of authorized names. They have separate lists for male and female children. And do you know what I found? 'S'Vrall' wasn't an authorized name until," he checked the dossier, "Stardate 2245. Interesting Stardate, isn't it, Lt. S'Vrall. Care to tell us why that's interesting?"
I shrugged. "There were several historically importan-..."
His voice rode over mine: "That's the year you applied to the Vulcan Science Academy, isn't it, Lt. S'Vrall, ... that is: the first time you applied, correct?"
"Yessir," I said.
He flipped the screen to face me, showing my dossier with several attached files, including my application to the Vulcan Science Academy.
"That's your application, isn't it?" he said.
"Yessir."
"What does it say for the name?"
Michael Burnham glanced at my application. Her eyes went wide as she soaked in what she saw.
"It doesn't, sir."
"It doesn't," he confirmed. "No name. No parentage. And the address. That's interesting. It's not an address. It's a lat-long coordinate pair, that, when triangulated, ..." Captain Lorca flipped the screen back and fixed the location, "... points to, huh, the outskirts of an abandoned farm. Now that's interesting. And, your age when you applied?"
"14, sir."
"14," he said. "One of the youngest applicants to the Academy, ever. Interesting. But your entry exam to the Academy. Tell me what you scored."
I was never given the test results.
For a reason.
But I saw it when I scanned my dossier just now.
"31%, sir."
"31%," he repeated. "The lowest test result for an application to the Vulcan Science Academy, ... ever. In fact, any idiot ... who could read or write, that is, ... could easily beat that score, couldn't they, Lt. S'Vrall?"
I shrugged. "Conjecture."
"Is it now," he said, looking between me and Michael Burnham.
I had no idea what Michael Burnham was thinking right now.
Me? I was thinking of Nothing. Centering myself.
I'm not an idiot.
I'm not.
He continued. "You were assigned to one of the Vulcan Learning Centers. Interesting string of disciplinary problems there, but you managed to complete one year, and then, lo, and behold, the very next year, you applied again, and passed with a perfect score, didn't you, Lt. S'Vrall?"
"That's incorrect, sir."
"Yes, it is," he said, smirking. "What was your score on your second attempt?"
"I achieved the 80th percentile."
"Yes, you did. Much, much better, wasn't it?"
I shrugged.
"But not good enough to gain entry to the Vulcan Science Academy. What's the minimum score, Michael Burnham, to gain admittance there? You applied, didn't you?"
"Yessir," she said, "I did. The minimum score necessary for entry into the first round of interviews is the 95th percentile, sir."
"And what was your score?"
"I achieved the 100th percentile, sir."
"Perfect marks," he said, and looked at me pointedly. "Who else has done that?"
"Nobody, sir."
"Ever?"
Michael Burnham nodded.
"Centuries," Captain Lorca said. "The Vulcan Science Academy has been an institution for centuries, and no one, ever, has scored as well as Michael Burnham has, yet you they let in, and she, they didn't. Care to tell me why, Lt. S'Vrall?"
"That would be conjecture, sir, on my part."
"So, conjecture away, then," he ordered.
I glanced over at Michael Burnham.
"The answer isn't over there," Captain Lorca stated, grinning with malice.
"It actually is, sir." I said. "Although she was young, the writing was on the wall that a half-breed human child from the house of Sarek would apply to the Academy. But, so much worse than that, that family had adopted a human child, and it could potentially apply, as well. To have a human accepted the the Vulcan Science Academy were a full Vulcan was rejected ...?"
I let that hang out there.
Captain Lorca smiled. "That good old Vulcan pride. Never fails. So," he said, "you, with your failing grades, are the reason Michael Burnham wasn't allowed into the Vulcan Science Academy, Lt. S'Vrall."
"That would be drawing a conclusion from a conjecture with only tenuous-..."
He waved me to silence. He glanced between me and Michael Burnham. "And you two are roomies now. Isn't that neat. How small the Federation is, no?"
He snorted.
"Vulcan Defense Force," he continued. "Served aboard the D'kyr. Rocky start, no? Care to comment?"
"What would you have me say, sir?"
"You were reprimanded then put on probation for a month because ...?"
I corrected him: "I was reprimanded, sir, but then ordered into remedial meditation for one month."
"Because ...?"
I had to provide context. "Vulcan privacy is ... sacrosanct. One does not intrude into the interiority of another without permission."
"Let me guess: this Vulcan Sublieutenant, ... T'hiru?" he asked, glancing down at my dossier.
"She attempted to Vulcan mind-meld with me while I was sleeping."
"And you...?"
"Broke her wrist."
Michael Burnham gasped and rubbed her wrist. She flinched her hand away when Captain Lorca's clear blue eyes lasered in on her action.
"Huh." Captain Lorca remarked. "That seems like a ... proximate response." He snorted. "I wonder, however, how you wouldn't notice her getting into your rack, while you were sleeping, as you say, and only notice when she attempted a, shall we say, deeper connection with you, than ... before? Or was she already in your rack when you, ... or should I say, you two, fell asleep?"
"Vulcan privacy is sacrosanct, sir," I said coldly.
"As you stated before, mm, hm." Captain Lorca was quite pleased with himself.
"I will state, sir, that Sublieutenant T'hiru also faced disciplinary actions."
"But she isn't under investigation now." Captain Lorca glanced at Michael Burnham. "Not by me, anyway."
He chuckled.
"... Served aboard the D'kyr three years as security officer, then transferred to Starfleet under your Commander's ... that is, your Commanding Officer's recommendation. Why?"
I shrugged.
"Don't you 'conjecture' me, again, Lt. S'Vrall."
"Not a conjecture, sir," I said. "Commander Sempir stated my temperament was better ... was well-suited to a Starfleet vessel."
"... a Starfleet Vessel with humans." Captain Lorca stated.
"Most Starfleet Vessels are human-crewed, yessir."
"... as opposed to a Vulcan Science vessel, crewed by Vulcans."
"The D'kyr is a combat vessel, sir, but yes."
"Why?" he demanded.
"Not all Vulcans are the same, sir. We're not all cut from the same cloth."
Captain Lorca smirked. "A fact I am learned more of by the second."
I wanted to smash his head with that self-satisfied smirk through the bulkhead.
I took a deep breath.
Captain Lorca noticed. He missed nothing.
"... completed Starfleet Academy bootcamp, with distinction, of course with your experience in the field already, and, as a Vulcan, you probably could've slept your way through bootcamp. Then that brings us, you and me, to here, doesn't it. Two phasers and a portable forcefield. To sleep. Seems excessive."
He waited.
"Nosir. It doesn't." I stated flatly.
"Because, ... what? The Klingons would board this ship? In deep space?"
"We are at war, sir." I stated.
"My prior security officer required no such personal protection."
"Your prior security officer was eviscerated by a tardigrade."
Captain Lorca stared at me.
"... which brings us, you and me, to here, now, doesn't it, Captain." I said. Touché.
Captain Lorca bridled. "You're an idiot." He stated coldly. "You're undisciplined. You don't play well with others, not even your own kind. And you don't respect authority, Lt. S'Vrall. You're a wildcard: a danger to yourself and to others."
"And you're an asshole," I replied coolly. "You think you can run this ship by cowing your crew into meek little hevam, scared into following your orders, even when they run counter to good order, good discipline, and good sense. Well, this is one person who's not going to be intim-..."
"S'Vrall! Hiyet! Nekhau i'!"
Michael Burnham's voice rang through the Captain's quarters. Captain Lorca and Commander Saru stared, stunned, at her.
"What did you ..." Captain Lorca began.
"I apologize, Captain," I said. "My statement was out-of-line and unwarranted. I withdraw it."
Captain Lorca looked between me and Michael Burnham.
"XO, Michael Burnham," the Captain ordered. "Give us the room."
They left.
I could feel Michael Burnham looking back at me as she left.
But maybe that was just my ... conjecture.
Captain Lorca looked bemused.
"What was that about?" he asked.
I shrugged.
"So she shouts some magic Vulcan words and, what, your attitude gets an instant adjustment?"
"Well, sir," I said, "she wasn't wrong."
"What did she say?" he asked.
"Something like: 'shut the fuck up,' sir. Although the translation isn't precise."
Captain Lorca nodded. "I kind of gathered. But then, you apologize just because she says that? What is she to you?"
"What is she to you, sir?" I countered.
"There's a line, Lt. S'Vrall. Don't cross it." The Captain warned.
"Noted, sir," I replied.
On the outside I was cool as a cucumber. The 'don't fuck with me'-attitude was clear as day for Captain Lorca to see.
But on the inside.
My interiority was fractured. Captain Lorca, knowingly or unknowingly, had hit upon the question I was asking myself. What was she to me? She told me: Enough! Submit now! that is: to apologize to Captain Lorca? Did it mean that?
And I did. Immediately. Without thinking, I obeyed. Her.
I never obeyed anybody, unless I deliberately forced myself. The only way someone could command me would be if that person were...
I didn't want to think about this. I couldn't.
I had been alone, and I always would be. My only companion was Hate. My only friend was Destruction, and she liked to play with me, and play me, the most.
The Vulcan proverb is true: Au vi vashau nam-tor vashau.
It's also a Romulan proverb.
He who destroys is destroyed.
Because that was my fate: destruction, as was to be my future: nothingness.
"So, I'm an asshole, huh?" Captain Lorca seemed much more at ease around me now that we two were alone.
"I did withdraw my statement, sir," I said.
"Because Burnham told you to."
Silence on both sides of the Captain's desk.
"So, two phasers and a portable force field?"
"I am your security officer, sir."
"Was."
"Was, sir. And I take my job seriously."
"Sure you do." Captain Lorca's gaze was steady and measured. "If I reinstate you, you gonna arm yourself?"
"To the teeth, sir."
"For the safety of the ship and her crew, right?"
"Of course, sir."
"I pity any Klingon that attempts to board this ship." Captain Lorca stated ruefully.
"I don't," I replied.
Captain Lorca chuckled.
He went to the door. "XO?"
He returned with Commander Saru.
"You are to escort Lt. S'Vrall to the Med bay. Tell Dr. Culber to administer a medical exam, including bloodwork. I need those results, stat. Once she's cleared, ... if she's cleared, ... she's reinstated to full duty as security officer. Including arming herself to, ... how did you put it? ... to the teeth. That's it."
"Permission to ask a question, sir?" I ventured.
"No," he said. "Oh, and XO? Write up a letter of reprimand and enter it into her service record." Captain Lorca smirked at me. "We can't break with tradition, can we, Lieutenant?"
"Apparently we can't, sir." I said frostily.
Captain Lorca chuckled at that.
"XO, wait outside a moment, will you?"
"Yessir," Commander Saru replied, then left the Captain's quarters.
The air became serious. "You have new orders, Lieutenant. Do I have your full attention?"
"You always have, sir."
Captain Lorca snorted. "Perfect answer, ... which I highly doubt. Now, listen to me. In addition to your duties as security officer, I am giving you one overriding order. You are to protect Michael Burnham's life at all costs, above mine, above yours. Do you understand this order?"
"Yessir, ... may I ask a question?"
"No," he said, "you may not. You getting my leadership style, Lieutenant?"
"Yessir, loud and clear."
"Mm, hm. Now, repeat your order to me."
"I am to protect Michael Burham's life at all costs, above yours, Captain. Above mine."
"Right. That's not going to be a hardship for you, is it, Lt. S'Vrall."
"Nosir."
"Didn't think so." He smirked.
"SirwhathappenswhensheasksthequestionwhyI'mprotecting her?" I got out in one breath.
"She's not going to, Lieutenant, because you're not going to tell her that you are."
"Is that an order, sir?"
"Yes, it is, lieutenant. Yes, it is."
"So, sir, the only reason why I'm not breathing vacuum right now is because you're confident that I will protect Michael Burnham in any and every emergent situation?"
Captain Lorca gave me a thoughtful look. "I take it back. You're not an idiot."
I just stood there.
"Don't you have places to be?" he demanded.
"Aye, sir."
I left.
Michael Burnham was waiting outside the door.
"Mich-..."
"I've asked the XO to transfer me to new quarters." She stated flatly, not looking at me. "I never want to see your face again."
She left the bridge, her face set in stone.
The XO approached me. He was a study in neutrality. The entire bridge crew was openly staring at me.
It was Day 2 for me aboard the USS Discovery.
Just a great day. Super fun.