Morning, Lovelies!
I know many of you were heartbroken or angry over Bella's last chapter. If you are still feeling all the things after this story wraps, please join us on Friday for a live discussion on Facebook where we're happy to hear your thoughts, answer some questions, and discuss everything Lighthouse Cove.
Thank you endlessly to Pamela for prereading!
-48-
Bella
December 24, 2023
Caraballeda, Venezuela
The sun is bright and brilliant as I head out of my tiny apartment in Caraballeda. I've been in Venezuela for six months now, and though parts of the transition have been difficult, I've loved most of my time here so far.
It's strange to wake on Christmas Eve on a warm, tropical day, but that's just what it is. From my apartment, I can see the ocean taking in the sunlight, glittering like millions of gems. It calls to me, and for a moment, there is a pang so deep in my heart, I can't breathe.
Before I can stop myself, I pull my phone out of my pocket, gazing down at it.
Edward and I haven't spoken a whole lot since I left Lighthouse Cove. Three days after I landed in Caraballeda, I'd texted him a simple, I miss you, which had been more than true and terrifying to admit.
He'd responded immediately; I miss you too.
Since then, there hasn't been much said. A colleague told me about a book she'd just read, and I had texted it to Edward, telling him to add it to his list, to which he'd responded with a photo of an old worn piece of paper. In a steady, elegant font, there was a list of all the books I'd seen on his shelves. At the bottom, added in ballpoint pen and different handwriting, was the latest addition.
I'd cried myself to sleep that night, thinking about him.
I don't regret my decision to leave. My work has been so fulfilling, and I truly love the lab I'm working with down here. I feel useful, happy, even at peace with myself, though I know part of that is in thanks to Edward.
He changed me in the short time we had together.
Some things will always remind me of him, though, like the water glistening below.
I want to snap a photo, want to send it to him and see what he thinks of this color blue. Does it compare to the blue of Maine waters? Would it remind him of the time I rode him on the deck of his boat?
In my head, I'd called it fucking, but with time and distance, I'm realizing now it was something more, something deeper.
Making love.
It's never been a term I've used properly before, but I know, even without enough experience that was what Edward and I were doing.
It makes my chest ache to think of it, and instead of dwelling on the sea, I shove my phone back into my pocket and head down toward the market.
My Christmas this year will be spent locally, perhaps lounging on the beach in between calls to the girls and my parents. I put together care packages for them in the mail a month ago, and they have promised to wait to open them until Christmas, even sweet little Bree.
Down in the market, the scent of butchered meat and fish combines with the perfume of fresh fruits and spices. I know exactly what I'm looking for, and I've even managed to narrow down which vendors to go to. Some won't haggle with me, expecting to gouge the woman who looks like a tourist but Señora Flores is different. She listened to me the first time I tried speaking to her, and after a few weeks of loyally returning to her stall, I'm now one of her best customers.
"Buenas tardes, Señora Flores," I say when I see her sitting at her stall, her shoulders covered in a beautifully intricate shawl.
"Ah, bella Bella," she says with a grin. I smile at her, shaking my head. Her nickname caught me off guard the first time she used it, though I cannot deny the smile it brings to my lips whenever I hear it. "¿Cómo te va hoy?"
I spend a few minutes catching up with Señora Flores, trying desperately to catch all the nuances of her Spanish. I'm told I speak like a Californian, which makes sense since I learned the language while I was living there. Most people give me a hard time about it, but not Señora Flores.
She has two daughters who are both grown with their own families, and I ask her about her plans for Christmas while she hands me some of the most gorgeous mangos I've ever smelled.
When I've purchased all I've come out for, I wish her a good holiday, pressing a kiss to her right cheek before I head down further into the market, looking for meat.
A pile of crawfish looking creatures makes me think of Edward, and for a moment, I wonder what his Christmas looks like.
White, cold, and surrounded by family, I'm sure.
I should text him. I don't want this distance to keep growing between us, but the thought of talking to him, of reconnecting while so much still sits between us makes my heart ache.
I'm not strong enough to face him yet.
I finish my shopping, my heart heavy as I think about all that I'm missing on a little island near the top of the United States.
By the time I'm back in my apartment, all I want to do is lay down and cry.
Instead, I force myself to put my groceries away, committing myself to cooking a full meal for myself tonight.
On the counter, my phone rings where I left it, and I glance over, smiling when I see it's Alice's number.
"Hey," I say, picking up my phone and pressing it between my shoulder and ear.
In the background, I can hear Bree chattering as Alice chuckles.
"She wants to video chat you," Alice says in greeting.
I snicker and settle on my sofa. "Absolutely."
Alice and I switch the call and then there is Bree, her face covered in the most beautiful smile. "Aunty Bella!" she calls, jumping on Alice's phone. "Mama said I could open your gift since it's Christmas Eve!" She stands up and twirls, showing off the dress I found her in one of the markets here. "I look just like Mirabel!"
Alice shoots me a look as I grin. Bree doesn't know the difference between Venezuela and Colombia, but it doesn't matter. She twirls in their living room, singing at the top of her lungs, while Alice grins at me.
"It's been nonstop," she says, picking up the phone.
"I'm glad." I chuckle. "Tell her we'll watch Encanto next time I see her."
Alice rolls her eyes. "It'll only be her millionth time," she mutters with a small smile. I lean back on my sofa as Bree's voice keeps singing behind Alice.
"How are you doing?" I ask, reaching for a glass of water I left out this morning on my coffee table.
Alice smiles. "Good. Jasper got back into town last night," she says with the sweetest smile on her face. My heart pangs, missing Edward.
"And things are just as magical still?"
Alice lets out a breath. "Yeah," she says, a smile pulling at her lips. "Bree is still getting to know him, but she's already got him wrapped around her little finger, even if she doesn't know it yet." Alice practically beaming, her eyes growing round at the thought.
I'm so happy for her, I almost want to cry.
"Are you spending Christmas with him?"
Alice takes a breath and I see that it settles her. "Yeah, he's going to come over tomorrow afternoon. Everyone's excited to spend time with him." She shakes her head, as if she still can't believe she's found a man who has fit so seamlessly into her life.
"I'm so glad things are going well, Ali. You and Bree both deserve so much good in your lives."
Alice dabs at the corner of one her eyes, smiling at me before she clears her throat a little. "How about you?" She asks. "How are you hanging in there?"
I sigh. "Well, my rabbit broke, so you know, I'm screwless this Christmas."
Alice snickers and I can tell by the quieting of her small voice that Bree is moving away from the living room in her one-woman production of her favorite musical.
"How fast can you get another one?" She asks.
"It's already en route," I tell her. "Hopefully Santa will take mercy on me and deliver it early." We both laugh, and Alice shakes her head.
"And you still haven't talked to Edward?"
Immediately, I sober up. "No," I say quietly. "I don't know what to say to him," I admit.
She hums. "How about telling him how you feel," she prods gently.
Despite how quickly I'd jumped into my life in Venezuela and how happy I was to be here, whenever I spoke to the girls they could tell something was off with me. Eventually, they'd gotten me to confess how much I missed Edward, though I was unwilling to go any further in talking about it.
Since then, they've both been pushing me to tell him.
"What good would it do, Ali?" I ask. "It doesn't change anything."
Alice frowns. "Why do you say that?"
"Alice, the guy has roots all over New England. He's grounded, stable, and exactly where he wants to be. How will telling him how much I miss him help either of us when neither of us is willing to stop living our lives?"
Alice lets out a soft breath. "I think you're underestimating both him and yourself," she says quietly. "And who says either one of you has to stop living their life?" she asks.
"Ali, you didn't see him. He has a home there. If I asked him to walk away from it all for me, I'd hate myself. He loves his life there."
Alice takes a deep breath. "I still think you should call him. He's a grownup. Let him make his own mind up." She stares hard at me. "He can't make a move if he doesn't know his options," she points out.
I bite my lip, stressed by this whole conversation.
Alice must sense this because she shakes her head. "Annie loves the chocolates, and John is swearing off all other coffee," she says, making me smile.
"I'm glad they like it. Tell them I'll send them a whole box."
Alice smiles, and I know it means a lot to her that Peter's family is being remembered and included still in her life.
We chat a while longer before Bree starts begging Alice to make their traditional Christmas Eve sugar cookies. We sign off, and when my phone goes quiet, my heart is warm and content, even if a touch sad.
I miss my loved ones, especially on a holiday like this, but I'm grateful for the technology that lets me keep in contact with them.
I glance down at my phone again, considering texting Edward.
Instead, I climb off the sofa and plug my phone into the charger before making myself some lunch.
…
My apartment is a couple of blocks from the research lab where I'm based. Our main lab is located at the university in Caracas, and once a week my coworkers and I will head out there for various meetings, which means I've gotten to see both areas well. At first, I thought I'd be moving to Caracas, which would have been just fine with me, but when I saw the beach town of Caraballeda, I fell in love. It's quieter than the big city, and though there are fewer amenities, Caracas is only forty minutes or so away. It's the best of both worlds.
After lunch, I'm feeling a little restless, and rather than pace around in my apartment, I finally give in to the siren call of the beach.
I put on a bikini with a sundress over it, making sure to reapply my sunscreen before I head out, a towel already packed in my backpack.
There are plenty of people out and about today, and somewhere down the beach, I can smell someone roasting meat on an open flame. Even though I've just eaten, it makes my mouth water.
The ocean is glittering before me, and I make my way along the beach until I find a stretch less occupied. Kicking my shoes off, I head down through the bright hot sand until my toes are sinking into the Atlantic.
Somewhere, thousands of miles away, there is a ferryman on his ship, probably docking to spend time with his loved ones.
Is he thinking about me too? Has he wondered what might life have looked like, had I stayed?
Does he hold it against me that I didn't? Or was he relieved?
There are so many questions in me, and I know that I'll get no sort of reprieve from them until I finally talk to him.
I reach for my pocket when I realize I left my phone at home on the charger.
Letting out a breath, I decide it must not be meant to be just now.
Instead, I turn from the water and make my way up the beach, spreading my towel out on the bright sand.
When I'm settled, I pull Pride and Prejudice out of my backpack. I'm not as fast of a reader as Edward is, and I have absolutely no interest in the other books I saw him reading, but I enjoyed Pride and Prejudice when he read it aloud to me that night on his boat. Reading it on my own isn't the same, but I'm finding that I'm enjoying the story more than I thought I would.
I get through about a chapter before my skin feels a little too warm. I pack up my things and head back to my apartment, sleepy and ready for a nap.
By the time I make it back, I don't even make it to my bedroom before I pass out on my sofa.
…
I'm dreaming of Lighthouse Cove when a sharp knock on my door wakes me. I'm bleary-eyed and confused as I try to pull myself out of sleep. There is a knock again, and next to the sofa, my phone beeps telling me a delivery man is trying to bring me a package.
I swear, hopping off the sofa, praying it's my new vibrator.
"Shit," I swear as I trip on the small coffee table. "Un memento," I call, trying to make it across my apartment without breaking half the things in my path.
I can practically feel the delivery man's impatience as I fumble with the locks on my door.
"Lo lamento…" I say before the air rushes out of my whole goddamn body.
Edward is standing in front of me, a brown paper box in his hands. I'm speechless, utterly breathless as I stare up at him.
He takes a breath, his shoulders moving as he lifts the box. "You, uh, got a package."
"Holy shit," I breathe, tears welling in my eyes so fast, I have to blink hard to see Edward at all. "What are you doing here?"
Edward lets out a breath, his hand running through his hair in a familiar motion. "I'm taking a leap," he says after a moment. "Bella, when… when you left… It…" His voice trails off, and he almost looks lost for words. "Can I come in?"
I swallow and step back, motioning him into my apartment.
Inside a space I never in a million years would have imagined him. Edward comes inside and holds up the package in my direction before moving to the coffee table. "Can I put this here?" he asks.
"Yeah," I breathe. "It's a vibrator."
Edward chokes on a laugh, turning to look at me. The moment his hands are free, I'm moving, taking a leap across my apartment, straight into his arms.
He smells like lemon and salt and sunshine, and I want to cry again, because he's here.
I don't know why, I don't know how, but my god, he's here.
There are no words as our lips find one another. He takes a step, hoisting me into his arms fully until my legs are wrapping around his waist and my back is pressing into the door. I let out a moan against his mouth as one of his hands slips down my torso, cupping my breast.
"Wait," I gasp, my body squeezing him tighter even as I try to make myself let go. "Tell me why you're here," I say, pulling back enough to look him in the eye. Edward is breathing heavily, his chest pressing against mine so tight, I think I can feel his heart beating.
"When you left," he says quietly. "I felt like part of me left with you. I thought the feeling would subside, but it didn't, it just kept growing." He takes a breath, his shoulders dropping slightly. "When you texted me that you missed me, I knew what I had to do."
My eyes start to well with tears again. "You've been planning this for that long?" I ask, my voice thick.
"Yes," he says softly. "I just couldn't…" He takes a breath again, his sea-glass gaze meeting mine. "I couldn't let you go."
My whole body is shaking as my tears well faster and faster. I lean forward, pressing my lips to his. "Part of me wanted you to ask me to stay," I admit, my voice raw. "I would have stayed."
Edward smiles against my mouth, and then he shifts, pressing kisses to my cheeks, my nose, and my lips again.
"Bella," he whispers. "I love you too much to ask that of you."
I stop breathing completely, my eyes going wide, letting my tears fall down my cheeks. Edward looks at me, a soft, warm look on his face as he reaches up to cup my face. "I know it's probably too fast for you, and I don't need you to say it back to me, but I want you to know—"
Our lips crash together, and I can taste the salt from my tears in our kiss. His confession has left me breathless, reeling in a way that is both terrifying and exhilarating, like free falling from a cliff.
"I need to feel you inside of me," I mewl against his mouth. "Please, right now."
He lets out a harsh breath that is closer to a snarl, before he's reaching between us, fumbling with his jeans.
I release one hand from his hair and tug at my bikini bottoms, desperate for them to be gone.
They get caught between us, and I let out a desperate, frustrated cry.
"Easy," he murmurs against my mouth, his tongue teasing my lips as his hand slips between us to shed the bathing suit.
My body undulated against him, desperate for more of his touch.
"Edward, please," my words are a rush of air, accompanied by what I could only describe as a sob.
Edward presses his lips against mine as finally, I feel his cock glide against my clit.
I whine, my hips thrusting toward him, trying to encourage him to go faster.
Instead, Edward breaks our kiss, pinning me to the door with his hips and abdomen as he leans his torso back enough to pull down my dress.
In a matter of seconds he has my breasts free, and I cry out as his lips descend on them. My fingers rake through his hair, and I have to be mindful not to yank my body weight on his neck as I try to drag him closer to me. Before I can beg yet again, Edward's hips shift and his cock slides into me.
I let out a long moan, the back of my head hitting the door as my body flexes and adjusts around him.
"Oh god," I chant, "oh god, oh god."
Edward's lips find mine again, cutting off my muttering.
His body fits so exactly with mine, it feels like no time at all has passed since we were last together.
Edward knows my body better than any lover I've ever had, and it isn't long until he's stringing me along, edging me close and closer to orgasm.
I try to fight it off, wanting to savor the feeling of him inside of me again, but with an expert twitch of his fingers against my clit, I'm shattering, screaming so loud I'm sure the neighbors will complain.
Edward doesn't let me slow down, peeling me off the door and carrying me across to my sofa where not twenty minutes ago, I was dreaming of him.
He sinks down so that I'm draped over him, and I plant my knees, my fingers curling into the muscles of his shoulders. My body flutters around his cock, and he lets out a tight breath.
It's my turn to ride him, and once I catch my breath, I set a pace for us, slow and teasing. His fingers flex against my hips, but I don't speak up. Instead, I lean forward, my lips following every line and surface his chest and throat.
"God, I missed you," I murmur against his jaw.
His head turns, his lips capturing mine.
"I missed you too," he tells me. "So much."
I don't know what it is about his words, but when Edward starts talking, I usually fall apart.
He's got a gift with words, but it's more than that.
These are the moments I can hear into his mind and heart, unguarded and unconditional.
I treasure these moments.
But right now is not a time to savor him. Right now it is about reconnection.
I can feel in his body that he is getting close to coming, so I reach down, rubbing my clit, pushing myself closer.
I manage to tip over the edge just as he comes in me.
My arms wind around his neck, my body shaking as I come down from my high.
Edward presses a kiss to my chest, right at my heart, and I feel it sink deep in and settle into my soul.
…
"How did you know where I lived?" I ask, my head resting against his chest, my ear pressed to the steady beat of his heart. After much, much reunion, we're finally in my bed, utterly spent.
I hear him laugh softly. "Jasper… through Alice."
I smile, my heart clenching as I think of the couple. I should have guessed. According to Alice, Jasper and Edward had gotten close after we left the island. They apparently had been talking at least once a week since.
"When did you get in?" I ask, making a mental note to thank Alice later for her foresight. Never bet against Alice.
"I sailed in this morning," he says softly.
I freeze, my fingers pausing as they rake across his chest hair.
I sit up slightly, looking at him. "You sailed here?"
Edward nods, his fingers brushing over my back.
"Yeah," he says softly. "I…" he pauses, looking me over before he takes a deep breath. "I quit my jobs in Lighthouse Cove. I decided I'm going to take a gamble on me and try writing full time." He gives me a small smile. "I've already spoken to an agent about one of my manuscripts."
"Really?"
Edward nods, his fingers trailing a soft path over my skin. "You were right to end things," he says softly, hurt flashing across his face. "As painful as it was, it put a lot of things in perspective for me."
I swallow hard. "It hurt me too," I whisper, voice raw. "I hated to walk away from you." I have to take a deep breath before I'm steady enough to confess more to him. "The last time I'd given my heart to a guy, I lost everything. I couldn't… I couldn't risk it all again. I had too much to lose even though…" My voice trails off, tears welling and spilling over onto his chest as I think about the time I lost without Edward in my life anyway. There was no winning in that situation.
He presses a kiss to my forehead. "I know," he murmurs. "And I went into this knowing who you were, where your heart was. I had no intention of changing you, of making you choose between me and your work." His fingers brush through my hair. "Bella, you were strong enough to do what we both needed."
His words surprise me, and I take a deep breath, trying to pull my tears back under control. "I wanted to ask you to come with me," I admit to him. "But I couldn't ask you to walk away from your life."
"I would have followed you," he tells me. "But I still wouldn't have kicked myself into action. I wouldn't have learned how to step on my own again, I would have been relying on you too much, and it would have damaged our relationship irreparably." He shakes his head. "It would have been a disaster for both of us."
I let out a small breath, taking this in. He's always seemed so composed, so together. I didn't realize he's needed just as much time to grow as I have.
"I didn't know all this," I say softly. "I thought you were perfect."
He lets out a small breath, his lips curling in a tiny smile. "I didn't realize how safe I was playing my life, how complacent I'd gotten until you came in and showed me all that I was missing. I was scared after New York to try again, so I just… didn't." He shuts his mouth, swallowing hard. "Bella, I might have kept on living that half life I was leading in Maine had you never walked away from me. You saved me last summer."
I have tears in my eyes, and my throat feels so tight, I can't speak.
"I'll forever be grateful for what you did. What you were strong enough to do."
He presses a kiss again to my forehead and my eyes squeeze shut.
"I hated myself," I admit finally. "I was so devastated. Even though I was so excited about what I was walking into with my job here, I've never hurt like that before."
Edward's arms slide tighter around me and I press a kiss to his chest.
"It was a pain we both needed in order to grow," he says softly. "Bella, I'm staying in Venezuela."
I'm breathless, my head tilting back to look up into his face. "What?" I ask, needing clarification so I don't jump to conclusions.
"I want to give us time, like a normal couple, to figure things out. You and I both know long distance wouldn't work, and I'd never want you to give up your dream job, so if I have to be in Venezuela to be with you, then so be it."
"But, this is so far from your home," I protest, my voice wobbling with unshed tears.
He gives me a soft smile. "My home is where my boat is." He says simply. "There's no where I wouldn't have sailed to be with you."
"But what if I'd been in like… Mongolia?" I croak, not sure why I need to make up such a scenario in the first place.
Edward's hand moves from my back and toward my face, cupping my cheek. "Then I would have sold my boat and moved to a yurt," he says with a smile. "Though I'm a little glad that wasn't the case."
I can't breathe. He would do all that just to be with me?
I can feel tears welling, spilling over as I curl into his chest again, clinging to his strong, steady form.
"Hey," he says gently. "Bella, talk to me."
"I love you," I sob, my body shaking as the feeling swells over me. I think about how brave he'd have to be, how certain of us, he must be, and I'm overcome. If he can be brave enough to give us a chance, then the least I can do is be honest with him. Edward stares at me, wide eyed.
"What?" he croaks.
I let out a sob, bringing our bodies closer together. "I love you," I say again, overwhelmed by the power of these three small words. I didn't know they were sitting in me, waiting to come out until I finally said them.
It feels as if a tremendous weight has been lifted from my soul.
We're both so exhausted, but when our bodies join again, my leg hooked over Edward's hip as we both lay on our sides, I realize this is something entirely different than sex.
This is love.
…
June
Caraballeda, Venezuela
It's a brilliant bright summer day as I make my way down the docks. I take in the wind, reading the direction and strength of it the way Edward taught me, and I grin.
It's a perfect day for sailing.
On the water, I see the Compass gleaming, her captain carefully gathering ropes.
I watch him as I approach, unable to help my smile.
I'm not sure if it's Venezuela that suits Edward, or simply being on the water.
Edward was born for this.
He looks up as I reach the side of his boat, his smile pulling across his face.
"Permission to come aboard?" I ask, shooting him a mock salute.
Edward laughs and I scamper on deck, dropping my backpack before flinging my arms around him.
He drops the ropes, kissing me hard, his hands winding around my body and sliding down over my ass.
I hum against his lips.
"Mm, how long until I can come aboard?"
His chuckle is dark and he kisses me once more, squeezing my ass.
"Not any time soon, I'm afraid," he sighs. "Not if you want to get to Maine on time."
I can't help my smile.
I'm absolutely terrified of sailing from Venezuela to Maine, but that's the part that makes it so exciting.
I trust Edward completely, and he's confident in the journey. He's even spent the last several months teaching me how to sail so I'll be more comfortable.
Even though I know his boat like the back of my hand, I'm still nervous.
"How are you doing?" He asks, one of his hands moving up to rest on my lower back.
"Pretty terrified," I admit with a grin. Edward chuckles.
"It'll be fine," he assures me. "We've been over it," he reminds me.
I let out a breath and nod. "I know," I agree. "I trust you."
Edward leans in, kissing me softly.
"What did you bring?" He asks when I pull back. I glance over my shoulder at my backpack.
"Just a few more options," I say with a shrug.
When Edward moved to Venezuela, we decided that we'd try to do things slowly, the way we might have had we been dating conventionally. So I stayed in my apartment, and Edward stayed on his boat. Of course, I spent most weekends on the Compass, and a good number of my clothes had ended up here anyway. Sailing to Maine is a test for us and our relationship. If things go well, I'll move onto the boat when we get back to Venezuela in a month.
It's both exciting and nerve wracking to think about.
I step away from Edward to stow my bag downstairs, and by the time I come back on deck, we're pushing off, the dock growing steadily smaller as we move into open water.
Edward is behind the helm, and I move to stand next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. He looks down at me and hooks an arm around my shoulders.
"Ready?" He asks.
I grin up at him. "Let's go chase the horizon."