Moments In Time

by Ultrawoman

A collection of unrelated one-shots (more to be added soon!), originally written for a prompt memes, challenges, etc. at Livejournal, Dreamwidth, and AO3, re-posted here for those that have not seen them. Various lengths and ratings. Eliot/Parker except where otherwise stated in the chapter title.

61. Smile (Eliot-centric)

Title: Smile
Prompt by: FFFC - 'Smile! Because it is easier than to explain what is killing you inside.'
Rating: PG-13/T
Setting: Season 3
Originally posted: 30th September 2017
Notes: s.32: Day 30, Amnesty for Day 4

Seeing is believing. What they can't see, they don't know. If I don't tell them, don't show them, then everything goes on just the same.

Change is supposed to be good, and I'm not saying it's not. We were the bad guys, changed to the good guys, at least in part, but this is different.

Losing what I have here, that might just be the end for me. If they knew everything, all those details I never share, things would change, and not for the better.

They can talk forgiveness, redemption, whatever, but they'd look at me different, see more of the monster and less of the man.

Pretty sure it's killing me by degrees. The bullet holes, the knife wounds, the blows to the head, I'll live through. It's the damage inside, the rips and the tears, the holes in the heart and the scars on my soul.

Then Hardison says something dumb, and Parker laughs. Sophie rolls her eyes, then shares a look with Nate and he smiles. I smile too, because it's easier, because if I let the mask slip, then everything falls apart.

Seeing is believing. What they can't see, they don't know. If I don't tell them, don't show them, then maybe it won't be real for much longer. Maybe I can learn to live yet.